Today, I'm going to be stuck in the heart of downtown LA really early in the morning so that's why I'm up right now. I figure to be just dedicated to posting anything to finally catch up for today. I don't really have any set rule with how much I need to write for each post, so sometimes I'm cheating to catch up and post anything.
I'm doing really bad right now with my time management and there's no question that I'm shutting down right after work. I wish I could do better, but it's going to have to take some time to make it happen for me.
The biggest things for me after my interesting day at work is to just be able to read the Bible, work out and care about my health and try to maintain a better appearance, and then go for trying to make some side income. My choices of the side income is pretty much becoming a Forex trader and also a programmer. I don't really want to work for another company. I would rather be rich and have my own time with it.
I don't really care about looking down on others if I ever did make it rich. It's just about me finding a way to have better time management for the long list of interests I have and to also help out by being a giver for the kingdom of God.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Being Friends With Girls I Like
I actually don't mind being friends with girls I like and calling them buddies in that sort of nature. It's probably because I would rather have the closeness of friendship than be in a romantic relationship. I can really wait upon that special girl to meet. One thing for certain though is that no matter how good looking a guy is to me, I just don't contain any interests of being gay for him! I'm not even jealous. I've been through a lot, and I guess it's great to have developed plenty of confidence.
Interesting Friendships
Well today, there's supposed to something going on in West Hollywood. A friend is really interested in showing my hiking buddy and me around. I'm actually all for it. They are both girls by the way!
I'm starting to get used to the idea of just being friends with beautiful women! I wonder how it would be like to be great friends with a down-to-earth and beautiful celebrity too. I'm just talking a little random because the girls I'm hanging with are attractive.
I'm starting to get used to the idea of just being friends with beautiful women! I wonder how it would be like to be great friends with a down-to-earth and beautiful celebrity too. I'm just talking a little random because the girls I'm hanging with are attractive.
Monday, October 30, 2017
Crazy Weekend
Well, I ended up hiking with one of my friends who is cute, sweet, and actually sort of hot. She's one of my friend's older sister. I guess it would be really hard to admit that I don't really feel anything romantic with her if she did ask. I'd have to play around a little bit and be like, yeah, I'm into her in a way that doesn't seem to matter. I hope she doesn't read these comments and come up to me and then punch me.
We relate to each other in a really good way and I accept her as family. I didn't really feel stuck with her because I don't really mind being around her cute presence and people assuming we're dating. I'm actually really nonchalant underneath and on my outer appearance, I just play it naturally and very comfortable with socializing. I don't even care if others interact with her too.
She sees me like a big brother and I hope she still does because I actually like being seen as the big brother you can look up to. I messed up entirely this whole weekend with her because I led her into a really long and unintentional 30-mile hike at a mountain. Man, it sucked to take a wrong turn and guess my way and not have signs to help us out for miles. After that it became dark and I had no camping gear, so we wandered in the dark wilderness trail while hallucinating about demonic images from looking at dark and scary fallen trees.
Yeah, I was going to think that we were going to hike all night long so we wouldn't freeze to death until we made our way to exiting the park or meet some day people. She started complaining about being so hungry and tired. I was like calm and optimistic all the way through, but yeah, it did get a little annoying to see her play on her phone and take photos of the demonic looking trees and then the city light we saw and it looked like she was having a good time. She thought in case we die, she should document everything especially with Halloween coming up. I was a little annoyed in general and she gave me her phone to hang onto but I gave it back because she saw something she liked and just wanted to take a photo of it.
We came across a camp fire and that state park doesn't really allow it. We just got lucky and we navigated our way through from me listening to her reasoning and going against my stupid optimism. The camp people were nice and we stayed there until morning and they had the map and I was tired so I slept on the cold ground next to the fire pit. Man the fire felt good on my cold feet. I stole my friend's blanket too because I had on shorts. She was freezing even with two sweaters on that they gave her. She fed the fire for me because she kind of was jealous that I was sleeping good. She knew I was going to drive back while she would continue to suffer with her insomnia.
During the coldest part of the night, she made me wake up to feed the fire. She was dead tired. I was walking around the blanket wrapped around my body like a towel while looking for wood. She then fell asleep, so I tended to the fire. She woke up like a zombie again after twenty minutes went by. Anyway, we had some interesting discussions and I shared a lot of my thoughts with her like the people I like. She kept talking about her unofficial boyfriend and I had to do something with them breaking up. Man, I thought it was straight forward but I texted her love interest something that concerned me with her because she kept talking about how she was bothered by liking this guy she is dating so much but wants to make her career her first priority. I unintentionally texted him with a tone that he didn't like because obviously he was mad that he wasn't getting any after two months of dating. They had a civilized argument and then they both just walked out on each other. He ran back to her though during our hike and the dumb guy shouldn't have texted her twice because the first time was strong but the second was like "What?" because he sounded so weak. She was sharing these things with me. She's like family and so in the end, yeah I like her and she's in my family. I definitely care about her and thought that text that made her unofficial boyfriend mad was all focused on her, but he thought I made fun of him. I didn't mean to sound that way, so I'm going to have to let him know that I was really focusing all on her happiness. Especially me revealing to him that she likes him a lot should have been enough to accept the problem I was trying to tell him that she's all about work first and pushing off love. I was only suggesting that he be more subtle about expressing his romantic desires right now, but I couldn't find a way to explain that my suggestion with him working on getting a great career was to just pass the time waiting on her.
We relate to each other in a really good way and I accept her as family. I didn't really feel stuck with her because I don't really mind being around her cute presence and people assuming we're dating. I'm actually really nonchalant underneath and on my outer appearance, I just play it naturally and very comfortable with socializing. I don't even care if others interact with her too.
She sees me like a big brother and I hope she still does because I actually like being seen as the big brother you can look up to. I messed up entirely this whole weekend with her because I led her into a really long and unintentional 30-mile hike at a mountain. Man, it sucked to take a wrong turn and guess my way and not have signs to help us out for miles. After that it became dark and I had no camping gear, so we wandered in the dark wilderness trail while hallucinating about demonic images from looking at dark and scary fallen trees.
Yeah, I was going to think that we were going to hike all night long so we wouldn't freeze to death until we made our way to exiting the park or meet some day people. She started complaining about being so hungry and tired. I was like calm and optimistic all the way through, but yeah, it did get a little annoying to see her play on her phone and take photos of the demonic looking trees and then the city light we saw and it looked like she was having a good time. She thought in case we die, she should document everything especially with Halloween coming up. I was a little annoyed in general and she gave me her phone to hang onto but I gave it back because she saw something she liked and just wanted to take a photo of it.
We came across a camp fire and that state park doesn't really allow it. We just got lucky and we navigated our way through from me listening to her reasoning and going against my stupid optimism. The camp people were nice and we stayed there until morning and they had the map and I was tired so I slept on the cold ground next to the fire pit. Man the fire felt good on my cold feet. I stole my friend's blanket too because I had on shorts. She was freezing even with two sweaters on that they gave her. She fed the fire for me because she kind of was jealous that I was sleeping good. She knew I was going to drive back while she would continue to suffer with her insomnia.
During the coldest part of the night, she made me wake up to feed the fire. She was dead tired. I was walking around the blanket wrapped around my body like a towel while looking for wood. She then fell asleep, so I tended to the fire. She woke up like a zombie again after twenty minutes went by. Anyway, we had some interesting discussions and I shared a lot of my thoughts with her like the people I like. She kept talking about her unofficial boyfriend and I had to do something with them breaking up. Man, I thought it was straight forward but I texted her love interest something that concerned me with her because she kept talking about how she was bothered by liking this guy she is dating so much but wants to make her career her first priority. I unintentionally texted him with a tone that he didn't like because obviously he was mad that he wasn't getting any after two months of dating. They had a civilized argument and then they both just walked out on each other. He ran back to her though during our hike and the dumb guy shouldn't have texted her twice because the first time was strong but the second was like "What?" because he sounded so weak. She was sharing these things with me. She's like family and so in the end, yeah I like her and she's in my family. I definitely care about her and thought that text that made her unofficial boyfriend mad was all focused on her, but he thought I made fun of him. I didn't mean to sound that way, so I'm going to have to let him know that I was really focusing all on her happiness. Especially me revealing to him that she likes him a lot should have been enough to accept the problem I was trying to tell him that she's all about work first and pushing off love. I was only suggesting that he be more subtle about expressing his romantic desires right now, but I couldn't find a way to explain that my suggestion with him working on getting a great career was to just pass the time waiting on her.
Friday, October 27, 2017
Strategizing With Necessities to Reach Goal
Well, I guess I can't live without the love of Jesus and yes, I can't even live like a Christian sometimes even though I want to. I'm convinced that Jesus died for everyone's sins and that there's life even after death as crazy as that seems for those who would accept there's a real God in this world. It's all by accepting through faith that this miraculous change happens from within the heart and just loves growing by spiritual means through studying the Bible and intending to live in a way that pleases Him.
It's crazy as it sounds, but it's truth to me. This is my faith and my way of living. I see it as having a true relationship with the Father through believing upon and following Christ. Basically, my vehicle of living for truth is just through faith. Fair enough, people should believe what they want to believe right? I feel good to proclaim that the gospel is good!
It's by faith and not by my own personal feelings of effort to do the right thing. It's this conviction that goes with it and is strong and peaceful and just brings a spiritual satisfaction for my soul which was searching for answers and so anxious. I found my spiritual home in worshipping the Chosen One who chose to die preaching about love and healing and bagging on the fake religious leaders back then. I guess it was easy for higher ups to get away with killing annoying and revolting leaders of the people and bribe people to give out fake testimonies to mislead others. That's back then and makes sense and this Chosen One who would have had so many followers just let himself die and get recorded on the pages of actual history for it!
Okay, his intention was to spread love of His Father, God in heaven. I'm accepting it.
Okay, this whole time I've been discussing about my siding with Christianity instead of my personal stuff. I guess Jesus should come first in my messed up, time-managed life.
It's crazy as it sounds, but it's truth to me. This is my faith and my way of living. I see it as having a true relationship with the Father through believing upon and following Christ. Basically, my vehicle of living for truth is just through faith. Fair enough, people should believe what they want to believe right? I feel good to proclaim that the gospel is good!
It's by faith and not by my own personal feelings of effort to do the right thing. It's this conviction that goes with it and is strong and peaceful and just brings a spiritual satisfaction for my soul which was searching for answers and so anxious. I found my spiritual home in worshipping the Chosen One who chose to die preaching about love and healing and bagging on the fake religious leaders back then. I guess it was easy for higher ups to get away with killing annoying and revolting leaders of the people and bribe people to give out fake testimonies to mislead others. That's back then and makes sense and this Chosen One who would have had so many followers just let himself die and get recorded on the pages of actual history for it!
Okay, his intention was to spread love of His Father, God in heaven. I'm accepting it.
Okay, this whole time I've been discussing about my siding with Christianity instead of my personal stuff. I guess Jesus should come first in my messed up, time-managed life.
In A Nutshell
Pretty much what's taking up my time to do all the other crazy and cool stuff on my "Want to do list" is being dependent on this job of mine. I'm very lucky to have this job. My dad got me in and I pushed my way into working with programming and also doing some part inspecting whenever I'm needed. I started from the very bottom by being a button pusher, pun unintended!
It's pretty cool to open up and have good laughs from being honest. Okay, I think that's why I'm liked by girls a little more than I'm used to.
Yeah, so 11 hours of my weekday is pretty much dedicated to working with my dad. It's just earning a living and something I'm doing while accepting it. Yeah, I'm lucky to have a job and my own income that my dad just hands me. Well, it would be nicer if my dad didn't yell at me for making mistakes, so I have to nearly be flawless at my job and prove myself at this position, so I wish I had it so much easier!
I guess I'm going to have to shift my focus the best I can and plan out my nearly impossible list to fully exhaust with my current work schedule. In order to get to doing all of those fun and good activities, I should be planning how to get there and the first thing is going to be becoming financially independent with a lot of time in my hands and then I won't have too much problem trying to gain some muscles and pursuing after a hot girl to marry. It's just playing a numbers game from then on and looking for the right personality with the looks to match. Heyyy, I guess that could work if I make it in the end!
It's pretty cool to open up and have good laughs from being honest. Okay, I think that's why I'm liked by girls a little more than I'm used to.
Yeah, so 11 hours of my weekday is pretty much dedicated to working with my dad. It's just earning a living and something I'm doing while accepting it. Yeah, I'm lucky to have a job and my own income that my dad just hands me. Well, it would be nicer if my dad didn't yell at me for making mistakes, so I have to nearly be flawless at my job and prove myself at this position, so I wish I had it so much easier!
I guess I'm going to have to shift my focus the best I can and plan out my nearly impossible list to fully exhaust with my current work schedule. In order to get to doing all of those fun and good activities, I should be planning how to get there and the first thing is going to be becoming financially independent with a lot of time in my hands and then I won't have too much problem trying to gain some muscles and pursuing after a hot girl to marry. It's just playing a numbers game from then on and looking for the right personality with the looks to match. Heyyy, I guess that could work if I make it in the end!
Thursday, October 26, 2017
List of Overwhelming Activities
Honestly this personal list of mine is what I wish to accomplish. I have maybe been able to do just one out of like the twenty in there and that isn't saying much at all! It would be amazing to be able to do all of it no problem in my own free time after work, but in four hours it's just impossible to complete. Who knows maybe I can work at it more efficiently to get my time management down to the wire.
Here's pretty much what I'm trying to do and not anything really different from previous months. I'm surprised that I have stayed pretty consistent with these interests. The only thing I have added on now is photography. It's thanks to one of my lady friends who introduced me to this cool world of video editing and taking landscape photos and flying drones. It's so much work!
1. Do weights.
2. Swim.
3. Run.
4. Eventually bike.
5. Get better at bowling.
6. Get better at rock climbing.
7. Basketball.
8. Plan and go hiking.
9. Snowboard
10. Photography
11. Create drone footage with my device.
12. Do some editing with photos or video.
13. Plan and hangout with friends.
14. Fun with movies and anime and some TV shows.
15. Fun with video games. (Warning: dangerously addictive for me)
16. Get around to maintain social media and publish cool photos.
17. Get around to printing great photos and researching how to do so.
18. Maintain teeth.
19. Take care of face with products.
20. Read Bible.
21. Pray.
22. Read up and finish books I bought.
23. Grow back my hair with Rogaine aka minoxidil.
24. Grow taller (seems sarcastic but trying to sound funny)
25. Play piano
26. Get better with guitar.
27. Get better with singing.
28. Learn some cool dance forms.
29. Cook good food.
30. Cook healthy food for maintaining body.
31. Make body stronger and look good!
32. Keep my body maintained with nutritional supplements.
33. Program video games.
34. Program apps.
35. Become successful trader.
36. Eventually stop working 9 to 10 hours with crazy traffic that takes another 2 1/2 hours of my time.
37. Hot girlfriend turns into hotter wife. (heyyy)
38. Start jamming with song writing and random music.
39. Do some skateboarding tricks.
40. Learn to do a back flip.
41. Take martial arts and get good at it.
42. Own an electric fueled sports car and top of its class. (efficiency)
43. Own a fast American car like the Ford Cobra. (track racing)
44. Own a SUV for traveling to hikes.
45. Surf.
46. Own two cats and a dog.
47. Have a better house than my parent's $1 Million home.
48. Do some philanthropy for serving in God's kingdom.
49. Be organized.
50. Win stuffed animals at carnivals.
51. Own some expensive and crazy good camera equipment.
52. Build the expensive computer.
53. Maintain clean and working car.
54. Maintain decent fashion.
55. Keep orderly and clean house.
Here's pretty much what I'm trying to do and not anything really different from previous months. I'm surprised that I have stayed pretty consistent with these interests. The only thing I have added on now is photography. It's thanks to one of my lady friends who introduced me to this cool world of video editing and taking landscape photos and flying drones. It's so much work!
1. Do weights.
2. Swim.
3. Run.
4. Eventually bike.
5. Get better at bowling.
6. Get better at rock climbing.
7. Basketball.
8. Plan and go hiking.
9. Snowboard
10. Photography
11. Create drone footage with my device.
12. Do some editing with photos or video.
13. Plan and hangout with friends.
14. Fun with movies and anime and some TV shows.
15. Fun with video games. (Warning: dangerously addictive for me)
16. Get around to maintain social media and publish cool photos.
17. Get around to printing great photos and researching how to do so.
18. Maintain teeth.
19. Take care of face with products.
20. Read Bible.
21. Pray.
22. Read up and finish books I bought.
23. Grow back my hair with Rogaine aka minoxidil.
24. Grow taller (seems sarcastic but trying to sound funny)
25. Play piano
26. Get better with guitar.
27. Get better with singing.
28. Learn some cool dance forms.
29. Cook good food.
30. Cook healthy food for maintaining body.
31. Make body stronger and look good!
32. Keep my body maintained with nutritional supplements.
33. Program video games.
34. Program apps.
35. Become successful trader.
36. Eventually stop working 9 to 10 hours with crazy traffic that takes another 2 1/2 hours of my time.
37. Hot girlfriend turns into hotter wife. (heyyy)
38. Start jamming with song writing and random music.
39. Do some skateboarding tricks.
40. Learn to do a back flip.
41. Take martial arts and get good at it.
42. Own an electric fueled sports car and top of its class. (efficiency)
43. Own a fast American car like the Ford Cobra. (track racing)
44. Own a SUV for traveling to hikes.
45. Surf.
46. Own two cats and a dog.
47. Have a better house than my parent's $1 Million home.
48. Do some philanthropy for serving in God's kingdom.
49. Be organized.
50. Win stuffed animals at carnivals.
51. Own some expensive and crazy good camera equipment.
52. Build the expensive computer.
53. Maintain clean and working car.
54. Maintain decent fashion.
55. Keep orderly and clean house.
Already Coming To Grips
It's like from having a better sense of humor and more personal stability with accepting things that just make me downright mad underneath, I'm starting to have more of an absent-minded feeling about the pain in putting myself through too much work. It's like just making a decision and sticking to it. This is what it really comes down to.
For my watching with World Series yesterday, it's like I dropped everything so I could see the game. I knew I had other stuff on my plate to already complete. I actually regret having done that now and should be a little smarter like I could watch the highlighted replays. I mean this game was so good yesterday though and had so much entertainment value. It's not really going to be the end of world for me if I miss it though because I have other things that I need to keep myself busy with at the moment. It's great if others can come to terms with having fun and letting go of their responsibilities in that moment of time. They really shouldn't though and it's just my opinion with that.
It's sort of like having status and I can imagine that with people being parents. They have kids and after they tuck them to bed or trust them as good kids who are spending the night at their friends', the parents get like a off night to have lots of fun with each other if you know what I mean! I wonder if I would still try to sneak in a lot of fun even with the kids around, just lock the door to keep it private I guess.
For my watching with World Series yesterday, it's like I dropped everything so I could see the game. I knew I had other stuff on my plate to already complete. I actually regret having done that now and should be a little smarter like I could watch the highlighted replays. I mean this game was so good yesterday though and had so much entertainment value. It's not really going to be the end of world for me if I miss it though because I have other things that I need to keep myself busy with at the moment. It's great if others can come to terms with having fun and letting go of their responsibilities in that moment of time. They really shouldn't though and it's just my opinion with that.
It's sort of like having status and I can imagine that with people being parents. They have kids and after they tuck them to bed or trust them as good kids who are spending the night at their friends', the parents get like a off night to have lots of fun with each other if you know what I mean! I wonder if I would still try to sneak in a lot of fun even with the kids around, just lock the door to keep it private I guess.
Planning My Steps
I'm completely just winging it and doing whatever these days and for some of the things, I'm just not feeling for them. I guess that part with missing the good feelings really isn't a reliable indicator for how happy I am at the moment.
I'm really open to being happily married now and willing to wait on God's timing for it. The Lord is real to me and even though I'm still tempted and see myself falling, I can't rely on my own strength here. It has to come from my faith and trust in Jesus because my feelings are going to totally go whack throughout the day. Just doing whatever I want to do and even forgetting that I have a Bible to read on most days, I'm going to be doing the same thing most likely even when I'm home.
I do want to make changes for myself though and it's hard moving out of my own comfort zone to be consistent with that effort. It's like with all this free time where I just want to relax with entertaining myself, it's hard to get away from that and put my focus on something that just feels boring and hard and unproductive. It's probably from just fear of being stressed out.
I'm really open to being happily married now and willing to wait on God's timing for it. The Lord is real to me and even though I'm still tempted and see myself falling, I can't rely on my own strength here. It has to come from my faith and trust in Jesus because my feelings are going to totally go whack throughout the day. Just doing whatever I want to do and even forgetting that I have a Bible to read on most days, I'm going to be doing the same thing most likely even when I'm home.
I do want to make changes for myself though and it's hard moving out of my own comfort zone to be consistent with that effort. It's like with all this free time where I just want to relax with entertaining myself, it's hard to get away from that and put my focus on something that just feels boring and hard and unproductive. It's probably from just fear of being stressed out.
Managing My Time
I guess I'm planning a lot of leisurely activities like I'm trying to go for a major hike at San Gorgonio with a female friend of mine. She sees me as a big brother, but gets mad if I don't treat her like a lady. She also likes to call me up and talk about pretty much everything. Well yeah, she's pretty too so I'm not really trying to complain even though I wish she would talk less sometimes when we're watching a movie together.
Like begets like though because since she's pretty and I have another pretty friend, pretty female friends just keep getting added on to me. A bonus is that they tell me that they love me too! It's great.
Sometimes being just pretty and smart like those girls are isn't good enough because you just can't do everything to meet their demands. It's like they'll tell you let's go do this and this and you sort of sometimes feel like it's a drag but the good thing is that these cute friends love being outdoors and I'm into that too.
Like begets like though because since she's pretty and I have another pretty friend, pretty female friends just keep getting added on to me. A bonus is that they tell me that they love me too! It's great.
Sometimes being just pretty and smart like those girls are isn't good enough because you just can't do everything to meet their demands. It's like they'll tell you let's go do this and this and you sort of sometimes feel like it's a drag but the good thing is that these cute friends love being outdoors and I'm into that too.
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Just Feel Like it
I feel like just watching the Dodgers play Game 2 of the World Series today. I will be back home from by 6 pm and then be ready to knock out by 10 pm. I just have four hours and it will go by fast and then the next day I have to wake up at 5 am to get ready and go to work on time by 7 am in the traffic while driving 30 miles. It's quite a bit of driving. This has been my routine and it's scary for me sharing because this is mainly what I do.
I want to change it up and not go into this same office anymore. I want to make a lot of money doing what I have been dreaming of. The friends around me, especially the girls, have been great and supportive of me. It's like I have won their love already even though they may be committed to something else at the moment. Hanging with them has been a major plus and taking my time to understand and tolerate their antics I'm not too interested in, has really helped me to better understand women in general. These girls I've been hanging with have something that's very smart about them.
I've been just opening up with honesty and sticking to my moral values of decency and just believing in that. I'm naturally a pretty giving person based on my personal preferences and personality. It's just a part of me, so it just makes sense that I get along with people in general. Bringing up my past a little bit with these friends of mine, they believe the people I talked to were acting weird with me.
I didn't have a voice back then when I wanted to say something and that's probably what ruined everything and gets everybody scared or nervous with me. I've been doing the opposite and it's been a lot better for me with managing myself around people. I've even written long and openly honest statements with people I've been just ticked off at from the past and they haven't responded back neither have I got in trouble with them for anything. I guess this attempt to be fully honest with them has helped me be in better standing in general. It may be really easy to pick at those past individuals now if I feel like it though, and they are trying to come at me.
I want to change it up and not go into this same office anymore. I want to make a lot of money doing what I have been dreaming of. The friends around me, especially the girls, have been great and supportive of me. It's like I have won their love already even though they may be committed to something else at the moment. Hanging with them has been a major plus and taking my time to understand and tolerate their antics I'm not too interested in, has really helped me to better understand women in general. These girls I've been hanging with have something that's very smart about them.
I've been just opening up with honesty and sticking to my moral values of decency and just believing in that. I'm naturally a pretty giving person based on my personal preferences and personality. It's just a part of me, so it just makes sense that I get along with people in general. Bringing up my past a little bit with these friends of mine, they believe the people I talked to were acting weird with me.
I didn't have a voice back then when I wanted to say something and that's probably what ruined everything and gets everybody scared or nervous with me. I've been doing the opposite and it's been a lot better for me with managing myself around people. I've even written long and openly honest statements with people I've been just ticked off at from the past and they haven't responded back neither have I got in trouble with them for anything. I guess this attempt to be fully honest with them has helped me be in better standing in general. It may be really easy to pick at those past individuals now if I feel like it though, and they are trying to come at me.
Goals and Sacrifices
I guess the main sacrifices I'm going to have to make is pretty much leisure or thinking about whatever the heck I want. Like for now, I was just thinking about Bolieve, a WWE character who is a funny heel (bad guy). There was a YouTube video posted where some WWE Superstars read negative comments about themselves and reacted to it. Bolieve had one of the funniest responses when he read a comment from a lady who claimed that he made her feel sick. He stated that he wanted to stick out his hands through her television and grab her neck and then tell her how much beautiful he thinks she is.
Yeah, entertainment is hard to get enough of and so many performers do it so well and make a successful living off of it. I'm wired and drawn to viewing those entertainers even them I can always think a lot about the things I have on my plate. It's probably that in the moment I just don't feel like completing it. I'm missing that spark of interest and want to be sucked into something really cool and entertaining. After it's all over though, it has a negative effect with my emotions.
I haven't really been able to come away with making a living with what I desire and spend little time with leisure. It's really hard and I still have that desire underneath me to reach that goal. I basically work slow and have stints if I can be emotionally bonded to something while having fun with it. It's like my mind is just shutting down after this long day at work and drive home with traffic. It just likes to drain my energy. I need to find a way out of this state of mind because I want something bigger than just constantly being entertained while just sitting there.
Yeah, entertainment is hard to get enough of and so many performers do it so well and make a successful living off of it. I'm wired and drawn to viewing those entertainers even them I can always think a lot about the things I have on my plate. It's probably that in the moment I just don't feel like completing it. I'm missing that spark of interest and want to be sucked into something really cool and entertaining. After it's all over though, it has a negative effect with my emotions.
I haven't really been able to come away with making a living with what I desire and spend little time with leisure. It's really hard and I still have that desire underneath me to reach that goal. I basically work slow and have stints if I can be emotionally bonded to something while having fun with it. It's like my mind is just shutting down after this long day at work and drive home with traffic. It just likes to drain my energy. I need to find a way out of this state of mind because I want something bigger than just constantly being entertained while just sitting there.
Setting Priorities
I guess making friends is great too and trying to socialize with new attractive people. There's pretty much nothing wrong with doing that then. A lot of the issues that I'm dealing with is pretty much not having time to do the things that I'm interested in. It would be awesome if everyday had like 30 hours instead of 24 but it's not happening, this is how God and man balanced out our days.
Imagining myself with the world having 30 hours per day, I would probably complain about not having enough time again anyway. Everything needs a balance for me and my thoughts need to adjust for as such. I think I'm just going to have to need patience and plan my steps out in a detailed manner while making it all count.
I guess from me going all crazy with some estranged friends in the past, I made them think that I'm a psycho. I never really thought of myself to be that type of person. I guess admitting that I got a restraining order from an old estranged friend who accused me of being a terrorist behind my back changes things. Well, I guess it's just drama from girls then and they don't really want to see it that way and just want to think that I'm some crazy person. It's the way girls are sometimes. They are stupid in that manner and just can't help it because that's who they are. I have come to an acceptance with those stupid girls in my life.
Let's be 100% detailed here and cover everything without leaving anything out to the point that people will just poke fun at me. The main thing is just blocking out angry thoughts and staying in control and thinking through the situation. I'll just do whatever I feel like man in the end.
Imagining myself with the world having 30 hours per day, I would probably complain about not having enough time again anyway. Everything needs a balance for me and my thoughts need to adjust for as such. I think I'm just going to have to need patience and plan my steps out in a detailed manner while making it all count.
I guess from me going all crazy with some estranged friends in the past, I made them think that I'm a psycho. I never really thought of myself to be that type of person. I guess admitting that I got a restraining order from an old estranged friend who accused me of being a terrorist behind my back changes things. Well, I guess it's just drama from girls then and they don't really want to see it that way and just want to think that I'm some crazy person. It's the way girls are sometimes. They are stupid in that manner and just can't help it because that's who they are. I have come to an acceptance with those stupid girls in my life.
Let's be 100% detailed here and cover everything without leaving anything out to the point that people will just poke fun at me. The main thing is just blocking out angry thoughts and staying in control and thinking through the situation. I'll just do whatever I feel like man in the end.
Time Management Issues
My time seems so pressed for doing the things I want to accomplish. I'm just not able to because I'm lacking discipline to get it done. It's just like right at that moment I let myself get distracted and do something else with what I have planned.
Well, I guess the smart thing since I'm watching the World Series right now with the Dodgers and Astros, I could just watch the replays instead of just sitting there to enjoy the game. The Lakers games could be fun as well, but probably what's draining most of the time is work.
Well, I guess the smart thing since I'm watching the World Series right now with the Dodgers and Astros, I could just watch the replays instead of just sitting there to enjoy the game. The Lakers games could be fun as well, but probably what's draining most of the time is work.
Monday, October 23, 2017
Ideally Speaking
Out of all the girls I have hung out with and are still available, it's just funny to me that some of them think I'm awkward or weird. They're just negatively invested in a weird emotional way that girls are wired to think. Those girls just can't help being naturally stupid and from me gaining self-confidence with a sense of humor about my shortcomings like being short or just sucking at life, I don't really care that much anymore frankly.
There are some really bright girls out there if you tap them the right way and in some cases, you can take the wrong approach and there's one girl who I did that too and she still thinks of me as a friend. Repairing fallen relationships for whatever reason isn't going to happen just by bugging the person. There's a lot of work that needs to be done and also tempers are going to be flaring.
I guess since I desire to push those girl's buttons and shove the envelope so hard they'll feel it even after 10 years, I might as well just do whatever the heck I feel like it because I don't want them dead to begin with. I don't care if they're miserable because of me trying bug them by talking though. I'll even bug the people they try to run to and make those girls and the people who are trying to help those girls look stupid and laughing stocks. That will be my little entertainment and secret to keep from them. Well, if they are smart enough to read this blog, then they know my plan that they are helpless to stop regardless anyway.
All those silly girls can do is just run far away and never come back to the establishment I have settled in that they don't happen to be proud owners of nor use it for any significant social outings. I guess I can make a scene then and just be like they aren't holy to begin with to give any advice because they are just stupid and run with that like everything about them is a joke. I'll just call it my entertainment and tell them it's better than sitting down and watching TV for me. It's also safer than UFC fighting but I will defend myself and call the cops if I need to and don't care how unfair I kick their behinds from training myself to be a great fighter at the same time.
There are some really bright girls out there if you tap them the right way and in some cases, you can take the wrong approach and there's one girl who I did that too and she still thinks of me as a friend. Repairing fallen relationships for whatever reason isn't going to happen just by bugging the person. There's a lot of work that needs to be done and also tempers are going to be flaring.
I guess since I desire to push those girl's buttons and shove the envelope so hard they'll feel it even after 10 years, I might as well just do whatever the heck I feel like it because I don't want them dead to begin with. I don't care if they're miserable because of me trying bug them by talking though. I'll even bug the people they try to run to and make those girls and the people who are trying to help those girls look stupid and laughing stocks. That will be my little entertainment and secret to keep from them. Well, if they are smart enough to read this blog, then they know my plan that they are helpless to stop regardless anyway.
All those silly girls can do is just run far away and never come back to the establishment I have settled in that they don't happen to be proud owners of nor use it for any significant social outings. I guess I can make a scene then and just be like they aren't holy to begin with to give any advice because they are just stupid and run with that like everything about them is a joke. I'll just call it my entertainment and tell them it's better than sitting down and watching TV for me. It's also safer than UFC fighting but I will defend myself and call the cops if I need to and don't care how unfair I kick their behinds from training myself to be a great fighter at the same time.
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Things To Do
Honestly, I would love to showboat and spend my time like it was leisure bugging old acquaintances who ended up developing anger issues with me to put it aside and add me back onto their social media profiles. I guess I was releasing nervous energy with them which concerned them so much because it was overly done in a way that just scared them and they didn't know what I was talking about! I was having fun with them while I was practically mad and feeling good about letting all of it go and don't have problems doing it to the people who they go running to because after all it's just fun for me!
Yeah, over all it's just wasting my time and having fun at the same time. It's like watching TV while knowing that I should be working on my beauty sleep. It's pretty dumb what I'm doing because there are better things out there besides just messing with the heads of people who can't handle my behavior that well.
Yeah, over all it's just wasting my time and having fun at the same time. It's like watching TV while knowing that I should be working on my beauty sleep. It's pretty dumb what I'm doing because there are better things out there besides just messing with the heads of people who can't handle my behavior that well.
Time Consuming Activities
Well for the most part, worshipping Jesus does take a big portion of my life because I'm trying to honor his ways 24-7 even while I'm willingly acting stupid from getting a little loose like having a drink or two or even still trying to view hot nude photos of the most attractive women available on there. I guess I'm definitely straight and it's not changing anytime soon. I can seriously think a man is really good looking though and be a little surprised why girls are like not chasing after him sometimes.
I can't really think of myself from just enjoying sex on the fly. I really need to feel an attraction for her and it has to be mutual. I do feel turned on occasionally while hanging out with a single friend who is occasionally lonely and bored with nothing to do. I'm sure it would be fun, but it just wouldn't be right because I know she's not in the right state of mind yet. It would be just purely irresponsible for us to go there, so I just let it dissipate. It does feel a lot better and more natural than forcing myself upon looking at porn and trying to study how to hold it long enough to pleasure a partner.
I can't really think of myself from just enjoying sex on the fly. I really need to feel an attraction for her and it has to be mutual. I do feel turned on occasionally while hanging out with a single friend who is occasionally lonely and bored with nothing to do. I'm sure it would be fun, but it just wouldn't be right because I know she's not in the right state of mind yet. It would be just purely irresponsible for us to go there, so I just let it dissipate. It does feel a lot better and more natural than forcing myself upon looking at porn and trying to study how to hold it long enough to pleasure a partner.
Photography
With my time, it really looks like I don't have any time to do stuff but it's been cool to dabble in photography. Getting my feet wet onto that subject has been great and I'm like so interested to get better at it outside the classroom. A lot of cool shots really happen from me just getting lucky!
Basically, it's like taking a million shots and getting lucky with ending up with a few gorgeous shots. It's just bound to happen for everyone and you just need to be ready for it. The only thing I'm missing in my photography arsenal is now printing some gorgeous photos and that's going to be so expensive! I guess that's the only thing missing for me.
Basically, it's like taking a million shots and getting lucky with ending up with a few gorgeous shots. It's just bound to happen for everyone and you just need to be ready for it. The only thing I'm missing in my photography arsenal is now printing some gorgeous photos and that's going to be so expensive! I guess that's the only thing missing for me.
Interesting With Hanging Out
I guess it's a lot easier to have a friend to be like always interested with going outdoors and exploring trails and just having fun with it. She sees me as a big brother to her and I have no problems with it. The thing though is that we are not related by blood and she doesn't have any problems with me trying to hit on her sometimes or giving her some serious hugs!
It's pretty funny over all how she uses that big bro term from looking up to me, and I am at least seven years older than her even though she's in her mid 20s already. I have noticed guys smiling at us while we're hanging out. I guess we naturally look like a couple together. I just try to downplay it the whole time in my head. People just leave us alone about the idea so I guess it can't really be that bad for me. She is also a bit shorter than me so that also helps too a lot for me!
It's pretty funny over all how she uses that big bro term from looking up to me, and I am at least seven years older than her even though she's in her mid 20s already. I have noticed guys smiling at us while we're hanging out. I guess we naturally look like a couple together. I just try to downplay it the whole time in my head. People just leave us alone about the idea so I guess it can't really be that bad for me. She is also a bit shorter than me so that also helps too a lot for me!
Monday, October 16, 2017
Hmm
It looks like I have a pretty good idea with how to manage my time properly. From basically getting to work after waking up, it's like I'm not really trying to waste my time and take care of business. Just by doing this, I am made really well with spending my time well.
I think I have a much cooler attitude with my tasks these days and just not really about fretting from not having enough fun. There's pretty much a way for getting things done and it isn't impossible.
I think I have a much cooler attitude with my tasks these days and just not really about fretting from not having enough fun. There's pretty much a way for getting things done and it isn't impossible.
Approaching Women Confidently
I have no problems and issues with being turned down by any woman if I really like her. For myself, I feel that I haven't got myself to a state yet that I desire to start dating anybody. I want to still work at myself before I go for a really swell woman. From all the socializing I have done with lady friends who look hot sometimes, I totally suppress those emotions and love to hold meaningful conversations with them. It looks like I'm not really interested in a romantic relationship with them because of maybe their tendencies to want independence.
I get really physically attracted sometimes when I hug a female friend and try to bear hug her affectionately for a short period. She doesn't mind and still acts friendly while probably not even knowing that chemistry goes on in my head. I've been able to be aroused at certain periods and just be like it's passing to my head and still be in control while hanging out.
I'm getting pretty good at monitoring my own personal sexual desires these days. With this lady friend of mine, I know she wouldn't be able to be fully committed to the best of her ability in a relationship. She has a psychological condition that I managed to bring myself out of. I just love the fact that I bond with her from my depressing past and can share some meaningful conversations and just chill while having fun with her.
I get really physically attracted sometimes when I hug a female friend and try to bear hug her affectionately for a short period. She doesn't mind and still acts friendly while probably not even knowing that chemistry goes on in my head. I've been able to be aroused at certain periods and just be like it's passing to my head and still be in control while hanging out.
I'm getting pretty good at monitoring my own personal sexual desires these days. With this lady friend of mine, I know she wouldn't be able to be fully committed to the best of her ability in a relationship. She has a psychological condition that I managed to bring myself out of. I just love the fact that I bond with her from my depressing past and can share some meaningful conversations and just chill while having fun with her.
Passing the Moment
I believe that time management is one of the biggest critical things for me right now that I would love to have mastery over. Along the way, I've been developing some beautiful friendships with decent looking and attractive girls. It doesn't really bother me that much to say the truth that I'm not in any dating relationship with any of them. I guess I'm just really picky and see some flaws with them naturally that would really hinder me from wanting to go on dates with them in the first place.
Just because a girl looks hot, I'm not really trying to pursue a date with her. I would like to take my time with just getting to know her and look at it from the sidelines. I know I'll do okay with a really loving and blessed relationship, but I just don't feel ready economically enough to pursue girls. I also want to continue to improve my appearance as well, so I'm about half way there right now and right at the beginning in some places.
Just because a girl looks hot, I'm not really trying to pursue a date with her. I would like to take my time with just getting to know her and look at it from the sidelines. I know I'll do okay with a really loving and blessed relationship, but I just don't feel ready economically enough to pursue girls. I also want to continue to improve my appearance as well, so I'm about half way there right now and right at the beginning in some places.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Understanding Myself
I can be a strong button pusher and also push the envelop with people. This is what has been developing for me with some people and fortunately, the situation isn't really that bad for me and I don't really have to take what those people think that seriously either now.
It's all underneath me and preparing myself more these days, I don't think I need to act out in fear or anger with people anymore. I can just be calm and say the truth and I guess from doing that, I find myself to be naturally a light-hearted funny guy.
It's all underneath me and preparing myself more these days, I don't think I need to act out in fear or anger with people anymore. I can just be calm and say the truth and I guess from doing that, I find myself to be naturally a light-hearted funny guy.
Sticking To Agenda
This is one thing that I need to work at doing. I guess it's really for me to be sidetracked from having set out to do something and then be led into another to spend my time. It's not entirely too bad from last night with how I fared. It's unfortunate though because I'm reaping personal feelings of not having really met my desires that I made for myself.
The thing that has been so hard for me is dealing with distractions from family while I have plans to do something. I know I could be doing a lot better.
One of the things that I'm understanding better these days is that it really doesn't bother me to not get that much recognition from friends. I think I work better from not being bothered anyway. There's so much more potential that I have and I haven't reached it yet. I'm putting stuff that could be cool in some cases but the quality isn't really there yet and needs a lot of polishing.
With people being spoiled, I guess this is what causes them to try to move away from me or me with them. It's pretty much back to trying again and figuring things out for me.
The thing that has been so hard for me is dealing with distractions from family while I have plans to do something. I know I could be doing a lot better.
One of the things that I'm understanding better these days is that it really doesn't bother me to not get that much recognition from friends. I think I work better from not being bothered anyway. There's so much more potential that I have and I haven't reached it yet. I'm putting stuff that could be cool in some cases but the quality isn't really there yet and needs a lot of polishing.
With people being spoiled, I guess this is what causes them to try to move away from me or me with them. It's pretty much back to trying again and figuring things out for me.
No Fear, No Anger, Just Truth
I think a lot of my problems with people even though those matters aren't that serious as it felt back then, is that I just let scared feelings and anger get in the way of things. It's been really hard to not give into some past scenarios and replaying back, I just felt like I could have damaged a person from just letting out my anger with him or her. I mean I feel bad about doing those things so that's my fear of feeling guilt.
My anger was practically being yelled at or people not adding me as a friend anymore or dropping me as a friend. In dealing with both my fear and anger, I had trouble opening up with the people I felt bothered by. They didn't really know what was going on because I wasn't revealing all the truths about me that I didn't want them to know.
It looks like from the intensity I felt in dealing with these people, I can treat the matter as being a real world issue for myself. At the end of the day though, I'm relieved it's not really that bad as I made it out to be in the past. It's not something that is too hard to get over and the one desire I had trouble doing was pushing the envelope with people out of fear.
My anger was practically being yelled at or people not adding me as a friend anymore or dropping me as a friend. In dealing with both my fear and anger, I had trouble opening up with the people I felt bothered by. They didn't really know what was going on because I wasn't revealing all the truths about me that I didn't want them to know.
It looks like from the intensity I felt in dealing with these people, I can treat the matter as being a real world issue for myself. At the end of the day though, I'm relieved it's not really that bad as I made it out to be in the past. It's not something that is too hard to get over and the one desire I had trouble doing was pushing the envelope with people out of fear.
Monday, October 9, 2017
Prioritizing Again
It seems like I'm really uncomfortable talking about every micro-detail going on with me on this blog. I guess I'll keep some of it private then because I wouldn't want someone to read up on me from this site just to expose me being completely honest as possible with myself.
Probably one of the major tools that I will have to utilize is discipline of my time management. I think I'll list out the things I want to complete and try to get them done before trying to finish off the night doing whatever. I think rest is really vital, so I might not get around to entertaining myself so I need to get used to that.
Probably one of the major tools that I will have to utilize is discipline of my time management. I think I'll list out the things I want to complete and try to get them done before trying to finish off the night doing whatever. I think rest is really vital, so I might not get around to entertaining myself so I need to get used to that.
Setting Priorities Straight
I guess one of the things I should be doing then is just planning my steps. There's really not much to it. The hard part is really just executing it without being distracted by other things.
It does really feel good to set aside to complete one major activity before moving on to the next and then finding yourself with downtime to do whatever from completing what's on your list. The problem that I'm facing is that I may have too many priorities that I want to complete and just not physically able to. I need to figure out how I can make my time more worthwhile.
It does really feel good to set aside to complete one major activity before moving on to the next and then finding yourself with downtime to do whatever from completing what's on your list. The problem that I'm facing is that I may have too many priorities that I want to complete and just not physically able to. I need to figure out how I can make my time more worthwhile.
Friday, October 6, 2017
Dealing With a Guy or Girl
Guys and girls are generally so different. Basically I started off liking with being friends with guys and thought girls had cooties. I was like yuck whenever a cute little girl approached me to play with her. It happened maybe only once and then all the girls stopped approaching me. A few cute little girls were fun when I was in elementary and I think only one fat teacher who was like 400 pounds hated me and that was about it. Man that fat teacher was a bad apple to me and I just wanted to hate on her while I stared at her walking and moving all of that mass. I felt like I could hear a boom boom bass drum with every step she took. That teacher passed away early and I had no words to say about it. Now looking back, I recall the teachers back then said you'll look back and be like all cool about what you went through. Precisely, those teachers were right.
I think I just wanted to be better and did not know what I was doing and going with that ignorant direction completely sucks. It's better to just be open-minded and research about topics that interest you and possibly take from that what community has to offer you. If you can give back, then that's great too I suppose! I tried doing that a few times and it feels good to get recognition. You just can't go wrong with that.
Well with guys, generally to make fun of them and get something across while they are snapping and you fuming with them, you just talk trash about how they are making a living. You only do this if you really have a point and their defenses will go up and if you can break through that barrier like I've been able to with some dumb guys, those guys will just look hopeless and crash and burn with you. This is only with guys you are just really mad at and want to make fun of them to the point that they can't do anything about it. It really disrupts their confidence and that's all you have to talk about.
From my experiences with dealing with agitated young women, they are so helpless! Looking back, they are like ready to be submissive with you. I think that's what the total secret is with them, so the general idea is to end up being nice to them and being straight-forward with plenty of details. Generally, to hurt them it's really putting out consequences they may have no control over or something they just dread so much. It's a little complicated and something you just do in a natural fashion but yeah being straight-forward with plenty of details and communicating clearly even if it's stupid will generally get the girl to relax a little bit with you. Girls just like being this submissive or nice person underneath with you, especially if you are a decent guy. She can't do everything for you, if she's already in a committed relationship and will feel bad, but these are what girls generally like to feel with you.
I think I just wanted to be better and did not know what I was doing and going with that ignorant direction completely sucks. It's better to just be open-minded and research about topics that interest you and possibly take from that what community has to offer you. If you can give back, then that's great too I suppose! I tried doing that a few times and it feels good to get recognition. You just can't go wrong with that.
Well with guys, generally to make fun of them and get something across while they are snapping and you fuming with them, you just talk trash about how they are making a living. You only do this if you really have a point and their defenses will go up and if you can break through that barrier like I've been able to with some dumb guys, those guys will just look hopeless and crash and burn with you. This is only with guys you are just really mad at and want to make fun of them to the point that they can't do anything about it. It really disrupts their confidence and that's all you have to talk about.
From my experiences with dealing with agitated young women, they are so helpless! Looking back, they are like ready to be submissive with you. I think that's what the total secret is with them, so the general idea is to end up being nice to them and being straight-forward with plenty of details. Generally, to hurt them it's really putting out consequences they may have no control over or something they just dread so much. It's a little complicated and something you just do in a natural fashion but yeah being straight-forward with plenty of details and communicating clearly even if it's stupid will generally get the girl to relax a little bit with you. Girls just like being this submissive or nice person underneath with you, especially if you are a decent guy. She can't do everything for you, if she's already in a committed relationship and will feel bad, but these are what girls generally like to feel with you.
Diligence
Diligence is pretty much putting in a painstaking effort to get something done. For example, it's like playing a video game and staying persistent with it while it gets boring to pass the whole game. I've done that with a few games in the past and only to feel excited after passing it right after, so it's like hidden and something you might never know. This is probably what got me addicted to games in the first place.
After awhile of being a game addict, I felt very sheepish to be continuously trying to play it over and over again. It was feeling like an empty life for me and not really satisfying me so much anymore. I was also feeling guilty over not prioritizing with other stuff that was out there and wanted to have more fun besides just feeling empty and all by myself. I wasn't feeling good at all sometimes and actually feeling restless with a lot of negative energy and fatigued while getting headaches with frustrations when I was going after doing other boring chores.
It just took a dedicated effort to become more self-aware of myself and despite it being so hard from having no direction, I just continued to try. While feeling so hard on myself, which was probably one of the biggest issues I had growing up, life was pretty hard to deal with. Even though I had nothing much going for me, I wasn't able to look at the big picture and just feeling like a mess totally inside while not trying to show it to anybody.
It was more than just finding a cure for my mental depression. It was about looking for answers and finding constant joy and happiness.
After awhile of being a game addict, I felt very sheepish to be continuously trying to play it over and over again. It was feeling like an empty life for me and not really satisfying me so much anymore. I was also feeling guilty over not prioritizing with other stuff that was out there and wanted to have more fun besides just feeling empty and all by myself. I wasn't feeling good at all sometimes and actually feeling restless with a lot of negative energy and fatigued while getting headaches with frustrations when I was going after doing other boring chores.
It just took a dedicated effort to become more self-aware of myself and despite it being so hard from having no direction, I just continued to try. While feeling so hard on myself, which was probably one of the biggest issues I had growing up, life was pretty hard to deal with. Even though I had nothing much going for me, I wasn't able to look at the big picture and just feeling like a mess totally inside while not trying to show it to anybody.
It was more than just finding a cure for my mental depression. It was about looking for answers and finding constant joy and happiness.
I'm a Believer
With the world having billions of people, I'm a true believer that there is a hot woman out there who will love and marry me. It's ought to happen all in time so I'm not stressing it anymore. With me getting older, I guess I can go without kids and maybe even have the heart to adopt a few if I'm wealthy. I guess I don't want to be too old by the time I'm able to have a child with a hot wife!
I don't think it really matters to me though. Honestly, I'd rather have a lot of fun being intimate with her if you know what I mean. With there being so many fish in the sea, I guess I screwed up with some very terrible choices by default and I don't regret it because I did absolutely nothing with those girls!
I don't think it really matters to me though. Honestly, I'd rather have a lot of fun being intimate with her if you know what I mean. With there being so many fish in the sea, I guess I screwed up with some very terrible choices by default and I don't regret it because I did absolutely nothing with those girls!
Thursday, October 5, 2017
So Very Difficult
Time management is turning out to be very hard to do. I'm like aware and my mind feeds me weak signals but I'm unable to do what I want to set myself out to do. They are only excuses because when I'm in the moment while at home, I just want to chill and not really work hard especially after driving home through traffic and eating a meal cooked by my mom.
It's not a bad thing and I want to blame the traffic and my mom's cooking for not being able to do anything, but they are only bad excuses for my lack of time management and overloading myself with desires that I can't seem to keep up with. This is pretty much my problem right now. In the past, probably from being withdrawn with my mental depression, I just played video games and kept life simple while feeling lonely and wanting something more out of life. When I took the hard step to drop playing video games that used to stimulate my brain and entertain or anger me from competing against other players, my life slowly started taking a different direction.
I haven't really regressed into playing a popular video game. I just can't seem to find the time to have fun with it. I'm becoming more practical but yet I'm just opting to sit there and watch TV or read up on useless entertaining material. Yeah, it's fun to read up on Top 10s on any topic that grabs my attention like sex or iconic movie scenes. I guess that's how those sites make money and stick around in their Internet business. I'm better off moving along then maybe and have to just keep on trying.
It's not a bad thing and I want to blame the traffic and my mom's cooking for not being able to do anything, but they are only bad excuses for my lack of time management and overloading myself with desires that I can't seem to keep up with. This is pretty much my problem right now. In the past, probably from being withdrawn with my mental depression, I just played video games and kept life simple while feeling lonely and wanting something more out of life. When I took the hard step to drop playing video games that used to stimulate my brain and entertain or anger me from competing against other players, my life slowly started taking a different direction.
I haven't really regressed into playing a popular video game. I just can't seem to find the time to have fun with it. I'm becoming more practical but yet I'm just opting to sit there and watch TV or read up on useless entertaining material. Yeah, it's fun to read up on Top 10s on any topic that grabs my attention like sex or iconic movie scenes. I guess that's how those sites make money and stick around in their Internet business. I'm better off moving along then maybe and have to just keep on trying.
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