I'm completely just winging it and doing whatever these days and for some of the things, I'm just not feeling for them. I guess that part with missing the good feelings really isn't a reliable indicator for how happy I am at the moment.
I'm really open to being happily married now and willing to wait on God's timing for it. The Lord is real to me and even though I'm still tempted and see myself falling, I can't rely on my own strength here. It has to come from my faith and trust in Jesus because my feelings are going to totally go whack throughout the day. Just doing whatever I want to do and even forgetting that I have a Bible to read on most days, I'm going to be doing the same thing most likely even when I'm home.
I do want to make changes for myself though and it's hard moving out of my own comfort zone to be consistent with that effort. It's like with all this free time where I just want to relax with entertaining myself, it's hard to get away from that and put my focus on something that just feels boring and hard and unproductive. It's probably from just fear of being stressed out.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
