Becoming a more open person, it was scary even admitting some things to myself. I held back a lot of my psychotic thoughts with a few nobodies, and it scared them enough to start acting like dweebs on crack and try to snitch on me. I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate me bringing it up but if I presented it that way, then they'll give me that look of hopelessness with me one time and just try not to show any sign of emotion after. Yeah, I think they can learn to get along with me after all. We just won't ever be close friends and that's okay.
Trying to not be straightforward with myself and going on that path of prideful blindness, I totally kept myself from getting to greatness. When I was at an all-time low and worked extra hours under feelings of pain and displeasure, I just did it to get recognition from others. Even then it still wasn't enough to bring me satisfaction.
I was a scared little boy underneath and afraid of getting into conflicts. When it happened, I was in denial and when I made threatening comments at the most minimal level, it scared the living bleep holes out of people. Then again, I feel like I am meant to be likable so being a winner and giving them free guidance because I'm so mad at them probably wouldn't seem to offend them at all.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
