I think pretty much the negativity within me could be built up from being around others who make comments that don't feel really good to be aware of. In a sense, this is really a crazy state of mind to be in! I believe this is the case with others while I was bothering them while sounding so silly. It's just the impression that you give off to them which could end up scaring them, regardless of what you are saying or doing. My verbal attacks thrown at them were always minor but it still drove them nuts in a short amount of time. I wasn't controlling my anger that well and being a little reckless about sending them crazy messages that didn't flow well with them just to give myself one-sided and highly selfish laughs. They basically freaked out and thought the mature thing to do was quietly shutting down my fun, since they were concerned about confronting me head on. When I approached them, they ended up becoming ballistic because they didn't want to talk about it.
Next time in this instance, I have a reason to continue with coming across as a jerk to them by calling them crazy and explaining it in words and just talking about the consequences of how they won't really solve anything by continuing to be that way. It's basically just to test myself to see how much of a people person I really am and can get along with these people who just had it with me. It's over not a really big matter that doesn't originate from something that deals with them too. I might as well just talk about the origin with them and let others overhear it and judge for themselves. In the end, I believe it's going to be their loss for every negativity that they continue holding on to and from not being able to expand a bit out of their comfort zone.
With all else, it's clinging on to strong effort from every part of my mind, body, and soul while tapping into the Lord's knowledge and connecting with personal experience much as possible. I think it's safe to say that I don't have problems with being a brave soul in this area and risking the destruction of my own public image. Basically, my main trick is to continue thinking they are crazy because I just don't have the ability to lose it with those types and feeling bad for them while getting the work done I feel is necessary with them. I have a deep conviction and want to always confirm how this connects to my faith in the Lord.
Overall, I'm ready but what's really holding me back is that I have to fulfill a couple oaths that are tied to my personal goals first. This shouldn't be really no surprise but I'm committed to fulfilling them! After all, I don't think I'll send this post to someone I had in mind of despite it potentially being a powerfully scary write-up.
