I'm really thinking to myself that being with an absolutely stunning woman might not be all that it's cut it to be. Having both looks and personality isn't really that important to me anymore. I'll stick with her personality. I just don't want to be so selfish, insecure, and shallow anymore because I wasn't born to be tall. I think everything about me is okay, except that I might have stunted my average growth from having a mental illness during my puberty. This may be a concern, but I did lead myself to fully recover. I blame my parents for having had to deal with it!
Stressing out about something shallow like that isn't going to help with good mental stability anyway. I've learned to accept it and just smile when I'm around taller people and they will be the majority. I'm not really taking the negativity so seriously anymore and something I find myself having to struggle a little bit sometimes. Maybe some people don't really struggle with this insecurity at all, which is how I want to eventually become. It's not really worth wasting my precious energy focusing on it for shallow reasons. I want to focus on what God has in store for me and to work on natural things to stay balanced. I'm still pretty curious though if I can get taller just for fun and I have done exercises in my mid twenties to permanently grow half an inch taller and also one of my cousins in high school did the same to end up being a tall Asian in my family but average American height.
My parents want to blame me for not getting married, but I'm going to just blame them more instead now and accept my crazy and controlling parents. I'm going to just open up more to them. I really need to move out of their place and the reason why I haven't been able to do it any sooner is because I want to save up enough money to own a decent property that I can handle without stressing too much over the bills. If they can't stand me and kick me out, then I'll deal with it and have a bigger reason to succeed faster.
I haven't also focused enough like I am doing now to make the money. I'm now into doing it more seriously than ever.
