I think I've found my voice over the years and direction. It's crazy how I'm doing this with no audience in mind. I have literally no filter but I'm still managing to keep a close friend who has her eyes on me and likes to get all intense over the little things that bug the heck out of her. She has plenty of social anxiety and has issues with herself and just wants people to do well so she can approve of them.
She's too wacky for me to want to date and I also wouldn't change who she is as a person even if I started all over with meeting her for the very first time. The only thing I would have changed about myself is to be more secure and then maybe I would have regrettably dated her to the point of not being close friends like we are now. Never say never though.
After getting to know my close friend, I'm never going to initiate anything with her. She knows that I'm a tough act to find someone I would be fond of because of my high standards. It's going to take me longer because it's harder to find these types of ladies but it's definitely doable in this lifetime no matter who I end up with because I'm now not so judgemental about appearances. I have to be this way so that I won't be insecure about my height. It has already played a huge, destructive barrier for me to find a good woman to marry. In a sense, not being shallow is a very positive flow for me to introduce to my barely existing dating life.
