There is this herbal caffeinated tea I can drink to keep myself up at home in the evening. I'm going to start drinking it.
At home, I want to focus on doing some reading, working out, checking on my trades after 6 pm, play half an hour of fast-fold online Poker, read some leftover emails, conduct proper hygiene, and attempt some stretches that might make your posture look taller. On the weekend, I have a close friend who I like to hang out with. She's someone who I can feel turned on by physically but when I take that away from realizing it's nothing but what she was born with, we don't really have any interesting romantic chemistry but only having fun with common interests. I feel too uncomfortable with her to want to date because she can be a little crazy and withdrawn sometimes over unresolved personal issues that I know about. I'm still protective over her for some reason with other guys. I don't see her as a playful thing but someone I really care about.
There's really nothing I can do about what I was born with and can't change. It's then shallow to dwell on those things you dislike about yourself and also looking down on yourself with things that you can't do anything about to really correct. My soulmate has it all wrong.
I'm just finally getting out of this stage of personal despair over superficial things I was born with and don't like while learning to love myself and being smart about dealing with it in a positive manner without feeling like an eyesore to others! On the other hand, my soulmate has been entering this negativity in her life after having used to be such a beautiful blessing to others.
She is not a great person to be around at the moment, so it doesn't even faze me that she's been trying to avoid me after I made a joke that was offensive to her which I thought was rather clever and a much needed laugh for myself. She has been acting inappropriately with her impulsive outbursts and still has room to grow as a person. She's the one who started it with me, by not watching out for the messed up things she was saying and laughing about it afterwards. It doesn't matter if you try to sugar code it because the meaning is still there.
