Funny Message

I have been exchanging e-mail with someone I have suspected to be a con artist but never could gather enough information to come to that conclusion. I ended up just doing the logical thing, which is putting the person at an ultimatum. It just felt appropriate at the time. This is her reply back to me.

The subject the person wrote to me is: I am wondering if you will ever respond to my email

Finally figured out how to change the font here to default. Takes a little work. Okay, the person sounds a little bit of a foreigner and educated about religious values. Here's the message I got back:

"​Humm...Well a better the devil you know than the devil you don't know. Nobody is perfect and your words are Highly Insultive. I am no more Interested in coming to you and please have you way and continue your loving life with your new found lover.  Please do not write me anymore, You are the unstable as water, You promised me you helped me with the account and you changed your word. 

BYE PLEASE DO NOT WRITE ME NO MORE."

Notice she asked me to open up a bank account for her with my name on it. I don't know why, but I was interested in seeing her first to check out my initial feelings of "Is this for real?" I tried to make it seem like I would be interested because there was that .001 % of me that wanted to believe it to be true. However, I couldn't guarantee her anything or do much but just write to her. Maybe the first sentence shows her manipulative nature, so I shouldn't really be interested in messing with this person. I'm going to respect her wishes and the person wants me to have a great life with this wonderful woman I'm socializing with.

Leviticus 13:29-35

Verse 29 literally doesn't even finish in a sentence. I should end it here for the day. Just kidding. Verse 30 says that God commands the priest needs to examine a sore on a man or woman's head. The man could even be trying to hide the leprosy in his beard, but it might look a little too obvious when it's too late. If the sore is deeper than the skin and a thin yellow hair appears then it's called the condition of scaly leprosy. The man or woman with the condition immediately becomes declared unclean.

However in Verse 31, if the scaly sore isn't deeper than the skin then there's still a chance for the man or woman who is about to quarantined. Wouldn't it be great to be a little kid who hates school and other kids' annoying chatter? The man or woman gets the isolation treatment for a full week. In Verse 32, the priest examines it again after the time has passed. I don't see how the priest is immune to those germs, but okay. I also notice that the Bible doesn't mention the priest has to examine a woman in other parts of the body at her behest or disapproval! That's great, noting that leaves out one half of the population to worry about. Just kidding.

In Verse 32, if the priest finds that sore is not deeper than the skin with no yellow hair in it, then the hair needs to be shaved off, minus the spot that has the scale. I guess this is to make it more easier to spot or because maybe there were some issues with damaging the flesh; I don't really know, I'm not a doctor and did not even try. It would be something to not try to laugh at when a beautiful woman has to shave her head. Verse 33 says that a second week of isolation goes on again. This is the first time reading I think that goes on longer for one week while dealing with leprosy!

Verse 34 says that after all of that mess, if the scale is not deeper than the skin and has not spread then the person is pronounced clean. What a way to go! Oh, also the person needs to do some laundry. It's a nice thing that it's not much of a hassle to have a machine that does the hard work for us. I'm still feeling a little lazy to push the button every once in awhile.

Enjoying Peacefulness

Everyday I feel like not blowing up, but I let my mind wander off into an abyss of stressful times! I don't know why I put that, so I am just saying that it is what it is. I'm actually laughing to myself and breathing in short and uncontrollable bursts of those feel good muscles inside of me. Yeah, I'm getting a mental workout and enjoying my day from trying to not laugh so hard on the outside.

 I'm catching myself in the act of doing something I shouldn't more often, so I'm working at doing that on a long term basis even with no one around me. What I've been now thinking to myself is that with this God-given precious time that's been laid out for me in this world, why do I have to waste time doing something that doesn't even make any sense!

To protect the world from devastation. To unite all people in something. This team will lead the way! I forgot the whole motto, but I do still want to be the very best like no one ever was. To catch them all would never really be my quest.

Enough Magic the Gathering?

I am really fond of playing my heart out with Magic the Gathering. Maybe I should really think about going on the competitive circuit with it when I'm a millionaire! I can buy all the expensive cards I need and have all the time in the world to challenge the top players for some moolah on the line.

It sounds a little silly I know, but I can't really help myself. I'm really drawn to the card game and like the style and format of it, whether I keep winning or losing. I guess it gets boring when I keep on winning. The losing part makes me uncomfortable and coming back for more while adjusting my style and changing cards to update my strategies.

Anyhow, I have one deck that I stole online (that's right) by reading up on the official website. They basically gave it away, so I feel a little sheepish and try to beat it all the time. The deck I obtained from that website pretty much beats every single deck that's out there. If we play about five times, I'm bound to win at least twice. It doesn't matter what cards the person has, it's just that good of a deck. Well, I found my champion deck with the help of the site, which doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment! I've been still playing at it for hours everyday because I am always in denial and having fun playing myself who is playing that deck and trying to introduce original play. I actually like playing other players better though. Sometimes, no one is available so I end up doing that.

From playing others, it's actually giving me the idea to use certain cards in my deck while understanding its effectiveness.

Gotta Hit The Gym

I really need to go pump some iron man and run the treadmill, which I haven't done in a few weeks. This is just for my own sake. I also want to be in tip top shape and be able to compete in Iron Man's even if I'll finish in last place while qualifying!

I don't care about being in the spotlight. Finishing a crazy triathlon like that is good enough for me to say that I have enough athleticism to go where I need to when there's a call for it!

How It Looks

I'm finding out that even though I don't like my job that much, I've been very busy with it lately. My plans are to pretty much save up my money and invest it. That's all I really have going for me now I guess.

I don't really want to work in general, so why go to school in the first place? I might as well just go for my goal of being a millionaire with what I have going for myself right now. Maybe, I'll go finish my master's later in life when work has gone pretty slow and there's nothing much to do.

I'm thinking that in a matter of few years, I will have enough money from doing my own side business to be able to call it quits now. I really have the tenacity for it and I also enjoy it even though it feels a little stressful sometimes. It's a really unique way of earning a living and that's what I like to call it.

Starting To Pay Attention Better

I'm realizing that my head likes to go off in a different direction, no matter what the situation is. I can learn to take in the emotional punches and feeling down in life or being super pumped up and in a crazy mood! That being said, my mind just feels smart in that it has memories of so much pain dealing with people. I actually sort of like to be recognized for some reason by my peers. I want them to be well-pleased by me, so when I get angry it's like I'm going off in a direction of forcing them to be happy with me.

It's funny because I can make it work now. The reason is because this is going to cripple my fake enemies if they read this or don't. It's because I have a strong, passionate will to be positive with them by wanting to be their friend even though I think they are retarded! They are wrong because they can't handle their personal feelings and end up doing anti-social things at a personal level to another person.

Yeah, so from me writing that, it's crippled all the people in the world who has ever had a bad fallout with me, which is practically nobody. They just went into remission with me. I understand that it's so obvious and basic at the surface that I don't even mention it at times because I'm looking for more complicated things, but it shouldn't be like that. If you use the boring coincidences to have it your way, it's actually necessary.

Job Thought

The closest field of my interest deals with Information Technology. I'm going for a Master's in it right now. The only purpose for getting this job is because it's about increasing my earnings while doing something that I like doing to the maximum amount. It's pretty much the only logical reasoning that I can come up with for doing so.

I don't like my current job right now, but I am a whiz with using the computer for some things. I don't really like going to a 9 to 5 pm job in general. I want to have all the time in the world to do things that I am interested in. I am constantly reassessing the things that I'm preoccupied with.

Writing More Smoother

Seriously, I'm finding the heart to keep on going in an optimistic manner these days. From feeling something negative, I actually use that feeling to push myself into a positive direction again. There are some things that are definitely out of my control and nothing I can really do about it. I mean, I can improve my state of being for the moment, but it's only going to be so long before I need to release it.

I can only take precautions with myself and try to avoid an unlikable circumstance. I only have so much control that my body can give. I might be an above average person with the things I accomplish, but I really need to make some appropriate sacrifices so that I can ambitiously focus on greater outcomes.

Who am I kidding? I'm not really satisfied with something. That's why I'm continually going after it. Maybe if I were to break it down in little increments and decrease my wasteful activities even though those activities actually benefit me in some way. I know it's a contradiction, but I am gaining knowledge of useless facts. I guess it works in a way like that.

One of my friends was very confident in her abilities to remember things, but failed miserably to go where she wanted. She's beautiful and very successful. She seems like an untamed wild thing that goes around trying to micro-manage the most useless things. Anyhow, I'm just writing in an oxymoron fashion again.

Interesting Computer

My All-in-One PC ended up frying its hard drive. The hard drive is 2 TB, and it really bites another one's dust to lose my data in there. Maybe I can still save the data by trying something like LiveCD or just buy an external USB HD kit to check it out.

I remember as a kid that I hated and struggled with writing. I was a perfectionist and wanted to constantly smack myself for not being perfect. I was so slow, but when it came to math, I would bust out with speed and accuracy that surpassed my classmates. This is no lie, when I was in second or third grade, I used to solve simple addition and subtraction faster than everyone in my class. I would go back and forth with every one of my classmates by standing behind them. And then... this one black dude beat me! I was like errr, I tried even harder and he was my competition!

I got lazy overall because I ended up being in third place with everything. Life was good, until the unexpected happen. Anyhow, I'm noticing that I'm warming up a little better to the female crowd. I must actually be acceptable to females who are smaller than me. I don't know why but it's possible.

Doing Some Push-ups

At work, I'm taking a few minutes each day to do at least 40 push ups. I was so rusty because I used to be able to do about 60. I'm now back up 46 push ups, but it's probably going to go back down. It's no worries for me. It's funny how my body just got used to doing push ups after not having done them in a long time and knocking them out.

I really need to start hitting the gym and improving my fitness level. I also have so much resources for better my life-style, but I don't use them. They are treasures on my personal book shelf that I have placed and haven't got around to reading yet.

Starting To Tone It Down

I have been getting these crazy flashbacks of doing take downs with my past bullies. I know, how can they really be bullies if I imagine myself pinning them down and then saying "1-2-3, you lost!" I now figure that I don't really have to get so worked up from being all angry and in a bad mood now. I actually scare and can annoy people in an innocuous way when I'm seemingly acting crazy.

It's my big head with a memory for pain that's keeping me from continually doing something stupid. I don't like losing Facebook friends, no matter what happened. I ended up doing that by being defiant with a church group leader. I know where she went wrong. Besides making a sexist comment, she couldn't control her temper that well because she was shouting a lot of times. If she were to be calm, then she wouldn't need to shout and be giving a prissy fit. The way I'm being right is that I'm about maintaining a positive attitude and being her friend even though I think she's retarded.

Anyway from reading the Book of Ruth in the Bible which is only four measly chapters, I don't see how no one wouldn't be able to accomplish such a feat. From reading that book, it says something about Ruth wanting her next husband-in-line to wrap his skirt around her. Interesting, indeed because the Irish wore kilts and I don't know so much about the males of a Jewish culture having to wear a man's skirt! Oh well, it just means that Ruth proposed to him. That's pretty nice, to see the least. Having a really beautiful and humble walk in on your life one day with the support of her former mother-in-law.

This being said, the puzzle all adds up because Ruth's next husband was the ideal man in general. Okay, I feel like I'm getting a ring on my finger someday. It's like my left ring finger is feeling hotter with a burning sensation more than any other. It feels like a premonition for some odd reason I won't reveal...

Something Very Good

Honestly, I think where my path should be going is where I've been planning myself all this time. I've found a very particularly useful website and that's the commentaries section of BibleHub. It has all the well-known commentaries that are around and from reading it for an explanation, it gave me a better grasp of what's going on through the context of the verses.

I'm really reading verse by verse and chapter by chapter and then to book by book. I'm planning on doing this for the rest of my life. I don't care how many times I've read it, I'll just keep on abusing my time to read it. Reading it in King James version was actually pretty fun and seemed a little painless. I'm used to dreading the thought of reading, but having gained a better skill for reading, I have been enjoying the benefit.

Recap

I have practically been saying that I will be doing stuff, but actually I don't get around to doing it. The only things I've been really doing is going to work, hanging out with my best friend, and then wasting away my precious time with doing other things.

I'm going to make myself a small promise. The only accountability I really have is just my own honor while allowing God to be my witness. I'm just writing it down because it helps stick better to my memory from forcing on applying myself.

It's basically one thing and it's really about controlling myself and getting a grip of my negative emotions while I'm feeling really woozy. I can just feel like things are not going well for me and that I'm having a really hard time and things are just not going smooth for me. It's just a feeling while my mind is fixated on doing something that feels really good like Magic: the Gathering!

There's actually a geeky community for playing that card game and a lot of young men play it. I think there are a few women who are crazy about it too. I met a few in high school. My deck was a troll deck and made people mad. No one wanted to play with me, but I was so competitive and wanted to always win!

I now have about 10 decks that I can play with. I've been putting a little too much time into it as a hobby. It's definitely a luxury that I should put aside for greater things ahead of myself.

I guess making sacrifices is a requirement and you can't always be fully happy in life.

Dedication

I notice there are three steps to ensuring a good life. The first one is planning, the second is dedicating, and the last step is reassessing yourself.

I'm practically great at planning and reassessing myself but I stink at being a dedicated person. I think it's great to add the Lord's wisdom through the Holy Spirit in each of these steps. To be able to have a sharper mindset for the things of the Lord, it's important to study God's Word and have it planted in your heart. It's not uncommon for believers of the Lord to become better servants from spending time with these little QTs. It's hard to do and I'm no exception. I just like talking and defending about how it's good to do, even though I don't always get to it.

What I'm noticing for myself is that I need to cut out the excess because I have planned for myself so many good things. It feels rather empty at times because I think I'm trying to kick out the Lord or when I do invite Him in, I still don't feel like going after my wonderful plans. I think it's just from feeling lazy or tired and wanting to pass the moment with doing something fun.

From reassessing myself with doing all that fun stuff, it feels like really cheap thrills and I'm not liking it that much. I'll try to complete all my goals in one setting and then reassess myself and see how I like it.

I really loved it when I earned a 100% and 99.9% grade on my graduate courses. I was feeling great about it.

Dreaded Feeling of Procrastination

From accumulating things and putting it aside, my table just gets really messy and I just leave stuff lying out there. It really gets distracting after awhile and even though I don't want to do it sometimes, I just have to man up and get it over with. This is how I feel my job is like sometimes.

Having developed some growth in the Lord for some interesting reason, my heart seems to be more at peace and capable of being patient while I go after things. My mind just feels really disoriented while I'm doing stuff I'm not accustomed to and don't have a heart for, so I guess it feels scary in a sense to get something done occasionally.

Anyway, I just started hacking away at the stuff that's been accumulating on my table. I feel so much more relief now that I don't have much remaining on there. I still have a lot to accomplish, but I'm more open to focusing on those things now. It's like I need to engage in a playful state for a little bit of time before I can recall my passion and energy for getting stuff done.

My main reason for actually writing on here today is because I noticed that I have an interest for reading now. I'm not really picking up on anything or very little to please my mental taste bud but it sure darn is cool to try to read fast and understand everything while going 100 miles an hour with engaging in literature and being distracted at the same time with drama that's going on in my head!

List of Things To Accomplish

I guess by trusting in God, it's eliminating a lot of my actions that come from panicking and desiring something crazy.

Eventually, I will become an online poker pro. The way to master it is sort of my little secret that I am going to keep to myself. The same goes with doing some online trading. The hard work I put into from naturally researching and reading up on books from talented people really combines my own personal effort to mastering those crafts.

In the meantime, I'm going for a Master's degree and aiming for a job that I will be happy doing daily until I reach my ultimate goal of financial independence!

I do feel burnt out sometimes and that's probably what causes me to start wasting time by doing light activities. I think I just need to pray to the Lord to fill me with His wisdom from the Holy Spirit when that happens and to just keep on pushing.

I have some chores that I need to accomplish too, but I need to keep some a secret so I'll just keep a private journal for those related matters.

Depending On God

I'm noticing that my crazy feelings are trying to separate my own personal rationale on some mornings. It's just a blend of stress and uneasiness. I think it's pretty much a withdrawal symptom from keeping myself in dealing with addictive material like playing video games or watching funny T.V. shows.

I'm starting to understand what it means to depend on God for all my needs and desires. Instead of going an improper way, it would be better to be patient and conduct myself in the ways of the Lord. By trusting upon the Lord in those slightly difficult moments, I can keep a steadfast heart and keep myself from falling short so often than I don't want to. The Bible says that believers can make plans for things to happen, but the Lord will ultimately direct the footsteps.

Leviticus 13:24-28

Leviticus 13:24 talks about how the priest needs to examine the skin for leprosy after it has been burned by fire on the condition that the burn turns into a bright, reddish-white, or white spot. Verse 25 states that if the hair of the bright spot has turned white and appears deeper than the skin, then it's a leprous sore and the person is pronounced to be unclean.

Well, that's pretty crazy. I guess leprosy will cause the hair of the skin to sink in. Verse 26 states that if the priest cannot find white hairs on the bright spot and isn't deeper than the skin while having faded then the person needs to be isolated for seven days. In a way, it seems like the person is being quarantined temporarily. Verse 27 says that if the spot has spread all over the skin then it is a leprous sore and the person is made to be unclean. Verse 28 states that if the bright spot stays in only one place then it's just going to be a scar.

Messy Room and New Way of Thinking

I actually do have a private life and from being a short guy, I read that this crazy guy who got killed in prison once stuffed his cowboy boots so that he could appear taller to impress adolescent girls. That's quite an interesting story, but I guess as you grow older and become more smarter, those things don't really matter so much anymore.

I have found out something that's really cool from professing to be a Christian or strong believer of God the Father. From being able to reflect on my needs and praying for them to be met, it gives me a sense of purpose and makes me actually more comfortable while being patient. No matter what the desires are, how small or great, by praying and then be willing to accept the direction that the hand of God will take you in, it promotes a much better and happier life. I think that's what I just need to do to keep my mind off of temptations and continue to repeat a sinful activity.

For myself, I have developed some huge no-nos in my life. Like I'm not going to be reckless with my driving habits nor do drunk driving because it's stupid. I don't really care what I'm going through or what peer pressure is given to me, I'm never going to do that. Also when it comes to dating, I'm never going to engage in a promiscuous activity because I just want to save all of that for marriage. I would like marriage to feel like a winning prize for myself with some awesome fun if you know what I mean! I can hold out on that intimate stuff and keep it a cute and controlled level while anticipating the big moment.

Change of Plans

I have been playing Magic the Gathering online for free which is nice against some very smart players. I have been getting whooped and also defeating some players too. There's a competitive version that exists for the game but I don't like the format of it. I'm thinking of it as being too much leisure for me now.

I'm going to just let it go then. With poker, as long as there continues to be a long line of people playing it, I see that there's a future with me getting involved with mainly the online side of it. I'm pretty interested in doing it mainly part time instead of full time for trying to make a living. On top of that, I see myself combining trading to earn a living. Those endeavors are going to take several years to get better at it.

In the mean time, I might as well study for a Master's and try to earn a job that I would be willing to wake up for each morning. My current job is okay, but I would like to do something better and it's probably something I'm going to end up getting good at as time goes on, but I want to move on with it already.

Being Mindful

With my emotions and addictions trying to run my life, I'm going to try to exercise my desires at the same time and manage my time to get somewhere. This is something that's going to turn into like a routine, which I truly dread. I think I just need to be a man about doing some routine and just see where it's going to take me later on.

I'm giving up on something that I'm not mentioning but yeah, it's a big thing to let go of especially for a single man who struggles in finding the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. It's all good, I'm not depressed about my situation in that area.

I think my area that I want to struggle and bash my head over is in the areas of playing online poker and online trading. It's a battlefield out there and mostly I'm ending up breaking even with a very slight margin of profit. I'm going to keep on going with the most minimal amount invested and when I do double my money like that while developing a boring routine, I'll have something going that will provide me with a lot of leverage and financial independence.

In the meantime, I'm going to finish a Master's degree and it's only because I said I would. I would only be doing myself a disservice if I didn't. I said I was going for being a millionaire and a six pack as well. Even though I'm tired and feeling lazy, I'm determined to go after it.

Finding Balance

I need to try harder next time when I'm feeling a little down and bored. It happens to me when I keep my guard down. I just need to be more committed and exercise better time management. 

That's what I'm going for then. I like the feeling of struggling now and being angry and worried about stuff. It makes life worth something to struggle after. I think in those moments of desperation, I just need to man up and suck it up and just continue to work at it. Even though my brain isn't feeling good about doing it and it would easier to just relax, I need to just stress it a little better in managing my own time and being productive on a daily basis. It's going to be something that's long term for me.

I'm not really that lucky, even though I saw some opportunities in the past and let them go. Actually those opportunities weren't fully what I was looking for anyway. I think maybe God or myself has been holding them back for a reason. Maybe, I'm not meant to go that route and I need to just change myself for the better. That's what I'm going to go after now. 

What I Need To Do

I don't think I will ever be a very satisfied person in life anyway. I'm not born with anything exceptional to be noticed by the most attractive people out there. I would like to live the best way that I can so going under the knife or getting therapy won't be the answer for me. I'm just going to accept my personal strengths and weaknesses and try to overcome my own weaknesses.

I need to stop wandering off in my head and develop some sort of addiction while neglecting my own personal health. What I need to do is allow myself to suffer under great and extreme discomfort. I'm a really short person and don't have any depression issues. Okay, I'm not that that short, but I'm still a little small.

Good things just don't come to me that easy. I'm not lucky like that. I guess that's what I've been trying to say here. It's all long term and might even never happen for me. I think while feeling depressed from being stuck I just need to keep on pushing and laboring for it. Even if it doesn't make any sense, I just need to give it my all and push for it.

No More Distractions

I'm realizing a lot of my intentions are really for vanity or slightly unimportant values, basically it's all in the name of fun. I guess I'm trying to rear myself into a more practical person.

It looks like I'm entering into a state of retention and development once again. I wish I was like at age 16 with the experiences that I have been going through, but there's not much I can do about that. I'm pretty much double that age now. If I can make the most of it now, then I think what counts is pretty much doing things that would please God more than myself.

Okay, I'm limiting more of those vanity rushes and going after pursuing some healthy and long term goals. I think having those helpless and negative emotions is really giving me so much more motivation to get out of them and work even more diligently and in a healthy manner. I think it's good to be under some stress and practice problem solving skills. I should be okay with where I'm going these days.

How I'm Scary

If you me know me as a person and have placed a bad judgement on me in the past, it's a bad call. I'm scary in that when I'm really angry with someone, things can turn out very bad for him or her in the end. I realize that I have a passionate drive from being an angry doofus. Heck, I'm still running around a little smart while being that way.

I used to feel bad like I had an unfair advantage over others because of it. Not anymore, man. It's all because even while I'm running wild like a carefree stallion and stampeding over little babies (people around my age), I know that my anger has a purpose. It's about being positive! Uh oh, because I'm going to be happy and make you look bad while others will be like what the heck? In the same process, they will go this guy (me) likes to be a nice guy but don't want him mad. No no, not a good idea.

What also makes me scary is that I'm personally laughing about how short I am as a person compared to others who are taller than me. When I mention that, people don't respond to that statement very well. It's like they are in disbelief!

I guess I like the stereotypical very hot and ultra nice, light-colored, Korean girl around my age and madly in love with me. Hahahaha! She's also not that tall too as a person. So stereotypical for a guy like me. No wonder, why I don't have that going for me because I can't seem to find her nor interact with her that well. Maybe the girls on TV like to wear so much makeup that I want to go blah at the toilet bowl if I ever see her true physical beauty. I want this girl to even be a dedicated Christian which makes it even ten times harder than what I originally have a longing for.

I think overall, this person would contribute to bringing everybody around me a peace of mind and satisfaction in benefiting out of it. I'm just saying... In the meantime, it's just meet and greet and moving on if there's nothing to really gain out of it and using those longing feelings to get something good out of it through hard work and patience. It's pretty much a mind trap when you are boggled down with sad feelings; there's no need to linger there no matter what you have going.

Vanity

It's not that big of a deal to be the ultimate geek with playing Magic: the Gathering for me. It's not even that big of a deal for me to be friends with everybody in the world and getting anybody I can get in contact with to unblock me as a friend on Facebook and then add me as a friend on Facebook over and over again.

It's all vanity, period! My important goals that I want to do is have a relationship with God and become a millionaire with a six pack. Yeah, with no need to be defensive yeah, those guys who blocked me on Facebook seriously should go check in with a counselor because when I'm on a rampage, yeah, they are really going to need take it up. They say they were scared in the past, but I give them something to be really scared about and it's threatening them that they will end up in a psychiatric ward!

They pretty much are going to go cuckoo for cocoa puffs in wanting me to leave them alone! I will state that being admitted into the asylum is an excellent way to meet new people and have someone look over you 24-7 because they will be peering at you through a stainless glass that you can't break out of! In other words, their minds will be so warped from doing lobotomies that with the early onset of forced Alzheimer's disease, they won't even know that I was bugging them in the first place.

I JUST WANT TO BE THEIR FRIENDS!!! THEY ARE MAKING IT HARD ON THEMSELVES, NOT ME. I'm used to all of that gibberish talk and laughing at them while making them look like low-class fools. It's something I was born with and accept very happily and mightily.

Running Emotions With Patience Involved

This is something that's now coming to my attention. With these sad feelings of wanting to do something, it's easy for guys to just go kill something! I don't literally mean taking away a life; I mean like doing something stupid to momentarily distract ourselves. It's like ruining the mood of someone else's party by crashing there and then making everybody angry with you.

Doing what I just described is the short cut to being a big time jerk and letting loose momentarily before allowing those lonely and depressing feelings to kick in, which makes you want to go binge on some more stupidity. I'm being pretty honest here, even though I'm laughing my knockers off. I found out the solution to all of this madness. Note how I'm making this part of the paragraph bold.

The answer is: patience.

...

Was I just going to leave you hanging there? No, I'll explain. By letting those feelings want to come around and kick our butts, it's better to just work hard for obtaining something that we want. It could be working out or making ourselves a better person even. I went out of my way and messaged a dumb guy with diabetes and said I want to be his friend and made fun of him. Yeah, something like that. I hit on this girl on Facebook for laughs even though she's way too much older for my taste and made fun of some of her friends by trying to make her laugh in the process. It's about trying to be positive!

Being patient just makes you so much more desperate and makes you want to be more smarter in how you conduct yourself. In a way, it makes you behave like a good boy or girl. I say that by having those running emotions that make you want to go shout at somebody or encourage a potty mouth, it's better to just let those emotions remind you and drive you on with the priorities that you want to accomplish in your life with proper time management.

Future Plans

I literally see myself earning a lot of money from using the online world now. I don't envision myself running a website and trying to hustle people by selling products to provide some type of service like that. I prefer to be more of an investor, which is actually more riskier and has a lot more involved. I guess that's just how I've been rearing myself to go into.

I'm now seeing an opportunity with online poker. From playing all these years, it's not really that bad but just requires a lot of patience to become pretty good at it. Comparing to how people like to gamble in that game, it's just going to hit you occasionally with some crazy swings and not make you very profitable. The way I see it is that by using those user compensation points from playing at a normal casino level and being able to break even along with all those hours will contribute to income in the end.

I also plan on continuing to trade and go into later just investing my money. How I play with stocks and invest or play poker is making sure that I have a lot of wiggle room and exercising the utmost patience. It's easy to just want to go for big each time and make so much money at one time. It's not a very wise thing to do, and my best friend just doesn't seem to get it. He will invest most of his savings into something he really likes and hope it makes him happy later on.

The way I'm doing it is that I'm setting aside certain amount of funds that I'm comfortable with and then risking only 1% at a time. It seems to be better at keeping you in the game longer and giving you some valuable experience to work off of. If I end up doubling my money with that arrangement, then I know that I can put in more of my money and have a higher chance of making bigger gains. It also becomes a safer and much more comfortable route to get into.

Anyways, along with using the Internet to make myself a millionaire all in the name of enjoyment, I'm planning on continuing to stick with the Bible and working out at a gym. If I become a millionaire from what I have been doing someday then it's going to be a total game changer for me. I will have a lot more wiggle room to learn new things and travel around the world while contributing a good amount of cash to wonderful charities!

Positive and Negative Energy

I'm now having a more fuller grasp of why I feel so out of control now. I understand that it's really basically about goal setting with the things I went to do and then sometimes not feeling so about going after them. It's more like my best friend would say is being in between everything. The emotion does not feel great and can lead a person to definitely a crazy or unwanted route. It's like setting yourself up for a vulnerable attack.

I think the important thing is to just be able to recognize it and then let it settle in as a part of you. I normally have a horrible action attached to those emotions, but I figure why settle for second best when you can go straight for the gold! "It's so hard, " says my best pal. I really hate it when he says that. I'm going to tell him that when I hear him say that again, I'm going to take two weeks off from him. He's sort of a loner and likes to be accommodating from enjoying company, so he'll change his ways fortunately if I do that to him. He's also going to be laughing about his mistake I pointed out to him for those two weeks. I also get to space myself out a little and chase after some cute girl, so in a way, it's a win-win situation for me!

The art of being so good with obtaining something has a lot to do with awesome time management. I'm noticing that for myself because I've been acing my grad school courses by getting 100% on one course and 99.9% on the other. I also finished my final paper early and it feels like I've had so much time to pass. I really enjoy that feeling and would like to continue that journey on my way to getting something going. In a nutshell, from reading on some jerk's site, the jerk really has a point in that you can keep away from your normal addictions while feeling negative and be more desperate and hard-working for obtaining a goal that you want to achieve. I'm also going to do that, not that I have many interests with being a jerk. I'm like that to a few people I want to be pushovers with, but I'm realizing being a psycho to them is about getting something positive out of it, so why not to begin with?

Goals To Share

My ultimate goal is to practically obtain a six pack and become a millionaire.

I'm setting aside my daily life for Bible worship, working out, playing poker and doing day trades, and trying to manage my hair loss! Along with that, I'm focusing on personal side projects whenever I can commit myself to not being distracted from being angry about people in my past. Anyway, I'm pretty happy overall as a person so far.

The person is practically an idiot if he or she gets me mad and that's how I feel now. I guess I'm living up to jokes and honesty for the most part with interpersonal relationships.

Reaching Strong Goals

I'm simplifying it again. My biggest weakness is getting carried away emotionally. I can be taken back by feeling negative emotions and then doing crazy stuff because of it. I don't look to drugs nor alcohol as an outlet, but mainly it seems like those feelings come from how I perceive myself in this physical world and from not having the desires that I want. It's practically an age old question that I never seriously tried to address for myself.

From making some progress these days, I have a primary church that I go to be fed the Word and to have great fellowship with everyone. I might join in a secondary church to just go socialize with doing some religious, Christian activity that nobody really wants to do like witnessing to people on the street and messing around with other believers and maybe pick up a beautiful and loving wife. I guess I can go for that then and I think it makes sense even though my reasons might offend some people at the secondary churches. What can I do really, I can't help it?

There's really nothing for me at the church with the former restraining order girl, except for faces that I want to seduce for my own glory! I'll be seriously messing around with them and act like I'm tossing things around and kicking stuff and pretending to be a drunkard who doesn't care about what's going on in the world. I'll probably start acting that way and yelling at the preacher there too. It sounds like a fun deal, just that I made a promise to them that I have to keep. In other words, I'm limiting myself to stalking them by focusing on a more important goal I have in mind.

I guess I have to start asking this question when I see a Korean girl who attends a church and I know that she's not really dating anyone or even if she is, I have to ask this question to myself and take my time with addressing it, "Can I single her out and be someone I can love for the rest of my life?" In other words, I need to ask myself if her inner qualities are attractive to me. I guess that will do a lot of filtering for me then in finding the right person. I try hard sometimes and I don't know how well I'm doing but looking back, yeah, I could have been pretty successful with landing a cute wife, even though I didn't know she was that good looking at the time.

Happy Father's Day

Well hello there! I'm thinking about online dating. The most common response for a man when he tries to message a pretty girl is getting back nothing!

The Bible says to abide in the Father by adhering faithfully to the Word. This includes reading the Bible and obeying the Word to stay in constant fellowship, thanks to our forgiveness which comes from believing upon Jesus. A Bible verse says to ask and that you shall receive. Another says to knock and that the door will be opened. In other words, it's going to happen eventually anyways if you keep on asking and knocking! Why not stay steadfast in the Lord while doing that to obtain your needs?

What I'm saying is that I think the most effective way is to sort of be smart about it and sort of get enough information with what the girl likes and if you see a godly future with her and maybe you can pick her above everyone else then ask her out! A common response will be I'm too busy. I have got this a lot too, "Let me think about it" from pursuing her a little further. This is considering that you are doing this in person with the woman. When it comes to online dating, expect to not get back a response but at least you tried and didn't get your heart broken. Actually, I have a friend who feels like his heart is already broken when stuff like that happens. Umm, it's bad for your ego if you are a guy but who knows really? Maybe the match that you end up loving will be someone you never expected in the first place. I think the most important quality is never giving up and settling for a positive outcome no matter what you did in the past. I was psychotic, weird, oblivious, offensive, and a stalker to some people in the past. I didn't really like the people that much with whom I did that too. With the girl I like, I just practically leave her alone. See the difference already?

Actually, I haven't found a girl who has swept me off my feet for the longest time. I think my strongest crush in high school felt scandalous for me because she was a white girl! She's my good friend on Facebook now, so not a bad constellation prize. I also had a crush on this Korean girl, but really hated her personality so I bailed on out of there. She's also my friend on Facebook too. Both of those attractive ladies added me first, so haha I get the last laugh!

  

Summing Up My Intentions With Former Restraining Order Girl

This one is pretty much the last batch of my crazy e-mails. I have been getting kick out of them so much, and Lee hasn't responded by trying to get me kicked off the site nor has she continued any further activity. I pretty much owned her in one area of her life while using words as a weapon.

I even went psychotic with her in real life for one time. It wasn't physical abuse nor emotional abuse nor any in between. That's how smart I am man. I made an impact after like five years of lying in wait and hiding out in the wilderness of some sort. It's not a good idea to put a restraining order on someone, who you don't really understand too well and while feeling like you can't stand the person being around you anymore. That's the lesson I learned from someone doing that to me. I know someone and I have been dealing with him by actually being witty and fair too, like I would add him as a friend if he ever wanted me on a social media site. I just plain don't care what people think, if I did. Like in South Park, was it Kyle or Stan? Either one of them accepted an outcast on Facebook and he was the loner's only friend. The outcast ended up making other people uncomfortable from the friendship, so Kyle or Stan started losing friends much to his annoyance. Like that, I still wouldn't care and be up in everybody's faces and probably influence a lot of people to enter into some professional counseling.

This one is titled "Re: ". Okay, it's a response to how I said I would leave her alone if she said stop. This message can be very scary, if you have something against me so be warned. I mean, why would you even read my blog if you had something against me? I was sort of breaking the fourth wall. Is that what they say? No, this is real life.

That's actually wrong. If you tell me to stop bugging you, it's a lie. I'm still going to bother the heck out of you. Go for another restraining order then because this time I'm going to make fun of you in court at the hearing and live it out like it's going to be my last day ever seeing your idiotic self near my face! 

I'm not violating a restraining order. That's no lie, I did it to your for your stupid personality. 

I actually want Chai to add me as a buddy on g-mail so I can hound him with bothersome messages.

I want you to add me as a friend on Facebook, so I just have bragging rights. I don't need to comment on your boring and stupid and weird comments just from feeling that way because you will always put me in that mood. 

If you are too uncomfortable and Chai is willing to negotiate our thing, it's way too important than having a Facebook relationship with you. You are too ugly in general in the person for anyone to be around anyway. I don't care what others think or say about you. It's never going to be 1 million people who feel that way about you. You are a loser! So add me again, loser, she who is a bad judge of character. Why did you add me in the beginning then stupid? You are going to deny it or say that's irrelevant? Then why did you add me as a friend on Facebook and end up blocking me. You have a bad judge of character. I want you as a friend, so I know you are bothered. Plain simple!

Dangerous Plan For Girl With Former Restraining Order

This message is crazy and going to have your head spinning, but the insults are really well woven to decrease Lee's sense of worth. It really strengthens my resolve to lower her social status to like a Class D from Class C-. Something tells me that Lee is sort of feeling wish washy about sticking around that church, or that maybe she's gone for longer periods of time now. I think she's always going to visit from feeling like it's a place of home. I pretty much crippled her imaginatively speaking in a way like how it turned out with Jacob wrestling God. I messed with her wishbone because she made me so angry basically. I don't think she's going to be walking this world feeling the same way, but I think she could revert back to a status that's designed to scare me practically. Yeah, she and everybody siding with her and are against me lost.

This one is titled "My True Plans".

Are you reading this? It's not going to do you any good because you are going to be helpless. It only takes me a minute to write this. I'm planning on disrupting the service by harassing Chai before he goes to speak and maybe before worshiping begins and then leaving before the cops arrive. If the cops are there beforehand, I'm not interacting with them and just leaving. No attempt needed, my job is finished for the week until you guys don't exist anymore! Reason is I'll be bored having to wait that long. 

Let Chai know that he has something coming and let Golf know too. If someone else besides them is the senior pastor, I have no business being there and don't care to pursue the relationship of me bullying them around on g-mail! Same goes for you too, if you aren't at the church, I'll do the same for you. You can go for a second restraining order. That's sort of what I want so I can make fun of you in court and laugh about it while feeling like you are a helpless little girl.

These are all happening if I can become a self-made millionaire and a obtain a six-pack. Yeah, there's enough reasoning for you to have a hidden crush on me. I'm smart enough to figure that out. Also my two profile pics on yelp are pretty cute, and I know that you would feel that way.

Very Nasty Message To Girl With Former Restraining Order

This message is delivered so cut, clean, and heartless. It really makes sense too.

This one is titled "Trespassing Laws".

Put up a sign saying no trespassing. A church that has that sign? Hmm, that's funny to begin with and so weird. Why should a person go that church in the first place? I won't bother to go in. 

Secondly, get the church out of debt and signed in some owner's name. The owner says no, I can't go in. Wow, that's so funny. A church doesn't want me to be there. It's also pretty weird for like the whole world to go there anyway. I won't go in then. 

There's two ways. I read the law. I'm not breaking and entering by showing up during the Service hours sign. You guys are so stupid and ignorant to the law to begin with. I guess I'll be yelling out your absurdities with the law when I show up someday, unless you guys move out and go to another location. That's funny too. 

You are so stupid for not being able to extend the restraining order. I think that's all there is for you in going after a repeat. I don't care. I'll voluntarily drop off the address and give it to the police and tell them that I told you guys that I gave it voluntarily and that I'll be waiting for the trial date so I can still make fun of everyone there and start laughing the whole time. 

It was never serious to begin with and it will always be that way.

More Obscene Messages To Girl With Former Restraining Order

This one was titled "Suck It!" Yeah I know, Degeneration X was very degenerative indeed and such a negative influence.

You are an ignoranus. You can force me to abide, but you never shall have my heart. It was never serious to begin with and that will haunt you forever!

 These are angry messages man. They are not weak; they just go straight for penetrating the target while making me laugh and for others too. I become a pretty smart guy for some reason when I'm so mad and you have given me enough time to prepare.

This one is titled, "Hi Miss Idiot!"

How's it going idiot? You can't tell that I mean you know harm and that I was absolutely ticked off with you. You are stupid because I'm good at hiding behind my words. You couldn't even tell that this doesn't really mean anything and is not a big deal. It never was. You are a very stupid individual and I don't care now how bothered you get!

Letter to Girl With Former Restraining Order (1st One)

I'm reading my messages I sent to Lee (the girl with former court R.O.) and laughing hysterically. I'm going to share it with the whole wide world on this blog. I think this is the time for people to like disengage and demote this site with a nasty reputation because I'm not slandering her. I'm just making her look stupid in writing and shutting down her online activities.

This is how the message goes word for word. I didn't know that I can be very funny and witty while being angry and obsessed about something. It looks like I have an angry tone that's just very snappy and stuns you.  

Dated a month ago:

A girl with former restraining order adds me back on Facebook. How does that sound? It sounds good with a nice ring to it, while you look even more stupid. 

I don't care what your issues are now. I can even show how to keep my messages from popping up while keeping me as a Facebook friend. Want me to bother your people at the church? It's all because of your stupidity!  You couldn't even extend the restraining order. Go for another one, then! Do it, I'll make you and while you are so agitated and frustrated and living out your moment, I'll live out mine. You going to have a baby? That's fine, have fun introducing more sin into the world. 

You are very stupid, and I don't care now what problems you have with me. They are not my concern- they are yours. Go see a professional therapist to manage your feelings that annoy you so much! Please don't leave Hope of God LA unless you guys switch locations. I'm cool with that because the place you guys are at reek like no yesterday with other traditional, Catholic churches that don't know you guys exist.

My Psychotic Plans

I'm a weird person who laughs about how short and crazy I am to unsuspecting people. I am also laughing at how silly I look as a person, too. Actually not, I look pretty intimidating and border line psycho path. I can actually switch it back and forth, depending on my mood. I think all of that is funny to talk about.

I used to worry about the cops being on my tail. Not anymore, I don't want them to pull me over for speeding in my mustang convertible. That's about it! I'm still moody and it really picks up my confidence level with successfully being a meanie to my friends who put a restraining order on me. Notice how I said the word, friends. Oh really? Yes, I plan on being a super mean friend to them. Notice how I used the word friend again. They are a bunch of idiots that I don't mind putting another of those restraining orders on me again. I'll go stalk them for all I care and be like nah, she's not worth it and then leave while in the motion. I want to be like the most annoying person in the world that people can laugh about at my victims' expense.

Yes, I find that to be extremely comforting and pleasing and making me very happy and proud of my life. Okay, I just have that confidence to screw over people now and forcing them to be my friends, whether they like it or not. If I was the girl, I would leave the church because then I win. Either way, she lost. I won even with a default restraining order on me saying that she gets three years because I didn't challenge it. How? I'm happy I didn't get to see her ugly face for all those years and had encouragement to find something better. If I show up to where she's at which is at that church, I am totally kicking their tails when it comes to legal issues and also forcing them to be highly generous people with me. If she leaves, then her purpose of getting a restraining order becomes ineffective and something I get to show off about.

My haunch is usually right or wrong and goes against me when I feel it won't. When I feel something is right, it doesn't go that way. It's hard to gauge what I feel about the girl because either direction is both good for me. It's pretty much a landslide victory already. I'm living the way I want to live even right now and actually pretty happy about it, so it can't be that bad for me already. It's like any action the person does to try to offend me, it doesn't work because I have something better up my sleeve. For all responses, it's going to turn out good for me. The only thing that they can do to try to make my life difficult in all that massive bubbliness and positivity is making me take the hardest and longest path. That's pretty much their only logical direction for them to go. It's like playing a game and delaying their loss, while hoping something will turn around and give them fortune again. That's how I see life in dealing with drama and I'm so good at making myself happy over being successful in managing it.

Reason Why I Turn Cuckoo

It's mainly one reason: from being mad. I can finally justify that's the reason why I have been crazy all these years. The reason why I haven't gone to jail for killing someone or being disruptive in public is because my subconscious likes to be positive. If I don't have that peacefulness underneath my core then I get depressed and feel lost. From taking a personality test, it's something I was just born with.

I was just born with wanting to be nice and also having great relationships with everybody. This isn't how the real world is. Some want to just do selfish things because maybe they think there's really no other option or just think it's something to feel proud about accomplishing. I'm now noticing that my brain likes to think about stuff that I have been struggling with while working on things that I'm not too fond of. It must be some sort of defense mechanism to keep myself from becoming too bored.

When I go crazy with someone, underneath I still want them to be friends with me even if I'm going to force it upon them. I'm starting to believe that it doesn't matter how much of psycho I am to someone who can't stand me because I'm about wanting them to do something positive by making me happy. If they can't do that and would feel like dying or something if they went with my plan of just being casual friends who meet up once in a blue moon, then they seriously need some professional counseling.

I really understand that it's not really about centering on the problem, but understanding the bigger picture. I want something positive to result out of the moment, so that's why I have been ticking the way I have been. Overall, it's a lot of hard work that I'm starting to understand and enjoy more often than not.

Ambitious Goals

Well, I'm on a Christian dating site now. I'm trying to see if there's really anyone I'm interested in feeling the same way for me. I guess that's pretty hard and going to take a long time, wherever I decide to go, oh well.

In the meantime, I'll put in all the effort I can as best as possible. I don't really care about messing up, being rejected, or being around a lot of nonsense. I'm actually quite used to it for being a not so good looking fellow and short too. I'm just going to walk with a air of confidence and positiveness, wherever I go now. If I get angry or turn into a psycho, it's because I want to be positive in the end which no one is going to understand me for anyway.

 Okay, so I want to have constant fellowship with God, while being obedient to His ways and be a rather productive fellow doing the things that I enjoy. Right now I'm thinking about how having a wife could solely benefit me for only one purpose. Maybe there's actually more to it and I'm starting to feel less uncomfortable about dating taller women, the more I work out and physically stronger I feel. It must be that strong hormone that relaxes my body after giving myself a nice and hard workout.

I'm going to try to work out twice a day then and keep it just moderate and not super hard. I just like the feeling of struggling with something and then finishing it through, rather I fail excessively or not. I'll just pick myself back up and try again the next day. I don't really mind everything now that I think of it. I think the main trick is pretty much just looking at yourself from a third-person perspective and visualizing what you are about to do and distancing yourself from the now part and looking at it for the future. I think that's the trick for managing time better and not regretting situations.

Good Times

Being an absolute true Christian and wanting to abide everything that the Bible says is such a small percentage. Sure, we have believers in this world, but it seems like these days, more are combining the elements of being selfishly happy with what Jesus has done for us on the cross. I'm starting to think that being lonely is not a very smart thing to feel. Because of my faith in the Lord, I feel a constant happiness that will carry me even to the grave. I think because of Christ's unfailing love, Jesus will actually permit those believers to be washed away of their sins, the moment they decide to confess it.

I'm not saying that it's okay to continue sinning. We shouldn't and should be about repenting while taking an active approach of finding out what's wrong about us, but I don't think everybody is willing to do that all the time. We physically and mentally can't because there are a lot of other drama out there that we might have to deal with. The Bible verse says the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
I'm starting to be forgiving of others for their selfishness, and I see mine too. Ideally, going the path of the Lord is probably done by not that many in this world. I just want to go that route because of my joy for the Lord, and it's nothing else.

Man, my problems have actually been pretty funny but I think the solution that I have to come up with will be a universally sound one that fits into the equation of the Lord. In other words, it's sort of weeding out the bad paths already. I guess being short and not well recognized gives me an opportunity to spiritually grow in my walk with Jesus. I am sustained with gladness and joy because of him. Making money is just doing the extra stuff to try to get by and for earning myself an early retirement!

Christian Dating

Okay, I might have inner qualities that make up a decent person to be with, but still I would have to continuously work at it to have a good life with someone. I am pretty short and not that great looking. People don't really laugh at my comments, when I'm intending to be funny. I get responses here and there, but never really close any deals. 

It just makes sense for people, including myself, to be selfish and some of them do get to live pretty fortunate lives. It's not everybody that gets to have the happily ever tale in life. That's what life is all about. I guess the concern should then be what I could do to make the most out of life, and it could also be the how part.

I have developed an aversion to my anger issues in the past, but feel like giving into them again. What really ticks me off is when a person responds pretty rude to me and also in general, I think I need to take a very active role in life with someone if I want to get good results. I think being honest is like the hardest thing to do, even while being angry. Accepting challenges and going after uncomfortable things for trying to obtain a greater good is something people should do. If I'm in position to advance, the smarter thing would be for me to go get it. 

Elements of Success

What I notice for myself is two main ingredients: drive and skill. For the drive, you need to have the willpower to keep on plowing through when things feel really bleak and grim. Often times, it's so easy to just doubt yourself on going some path that interests you so much and become bored of it. I think it's easy to just feel bummed out after going after something that you tried so hard for and then developing this vicious cycle of not expecting much out of it the next time. Therefore, you just don't keep on giving it all you got.

My best friend's brother has had this conquest of going around to touch women in a carnal manner. Family members are actually aggravated by his stupidity and also feel sad for him at the same time. It was just one selfish act at a very young age that led to his brain's demise. This act also has played a role in turning my best friend into a concerned type, which leads him to bail out in certain situations. The best friend has given himself a green light in the past, but hated those experiences, so he's never going to be convinced with doing something, but I believe God can turn it around. Nothing can surpass God, if He is in with changing your life for His glory.

Anyhow, the brother has never given up and kept on going. It turned into some sort of obsession for him, and he basically shows off about it with us. I've been telling him recently after five years of listening to his nonsense that he's the one who is doing the action and not the women giving him the action that he craves. He doesn't really show off so much about it anymore because it's just so much of a witty comment that rips his heart in two. You just have to outsmart him by saying something more wittier and that is something I'm pretty good at, if you give me like five years to figure it out. My best buddy can't do it so well and just lets the aggravation get to him and start laying the blame on him. The fact that the brother had the drive allowed him to show off to us about how he developed some skills to maintain a little bit of attention with unsuspecting young women! He even took photos with a girl and talks about his favorite conquest of doing everything he could imagine with just one girl. However, my witty comment just crushes his moments of showing off and he began to accept it and reply with, "So what?"

Anyway, the brother seems pretty happy with the things he is doing even though I don't agree with him morally. The fact that he likes to show off is where I really stick it to him with comments that get him to calm down. He can't really make so much fun of me anymore because I play dirty with him too.

I'm really feeling worn down each night I come home from work. The nice living room is just alluring with the beautiful backdrop to just lie there and enjoy yourself. When I go to my room, I'm just filled with complex thoughts of playing my heart out until my exhaustion kicks in. It's something I'm trying hard to deal with right now. Will I turn into some workaholic? I don't ever think so because I don't want to work. I want to become rich and enjoy myself for all the days of my life. To get there, I need to put in my time and go through the excess of ups and downs and making mistakes and feeling lonely and sad or angry with myself. The vulnerable feeling that kicks in is like an excuse to go have my fun of familiar addictions. The thing about it is that if I do it too much, I start feeling like it's an empty route and that I need to clean up. It's pretty much an off and on thing for me.

Not Much of a Life. Oh well!

I don't believe in using swear words ever, so I never say them while I'm around people. I can now see the positives of wanting to be friends with some people who were bothered by me, just for the heck of it. Yeah, I think it could be a possibility in that it would make sense and a good choice for them to go get some professional counseling.

The appearance of beautiful women are throwing me off left and right a lot. They can be this gorgeous woman physically and then the next day or hour, I might not feel the same way about them. I don't think relying on just physicality is going to make me a happy person. I'll just go for the inner and mushy stuff now. I find women who like to use bad words to be quite annoying. It's just me I suppose.

I'm just looking to make some money now and getting there. I'm almost done with my second grad course, which has been an experience for me. I'm on my way to getting a 99% grade. I messed up a little with formatting my paper, so the teacher took off a few points. It's still an A, but would have been nice for me to catch that. Oh well, that's a lesson learned for me. I'm trying to be a lot more scrupulous and it looks like I'll be actually finished with my paper this week already.

I'm trying to earn a living right now with trading stocks. I think I can make a living off of being an online poker player too. Both of those endeavors are like at a starting point for me, but I'm slowly but surely getting there. I guess I like these types of boring challenges for earning money. It's just convenient for me I suppose.

Finding Things To Do

Instead of just coming home and acting really tired and then staying up, I might as well just give myself a good night's rest. My best friend is suffering from anxiety, which makes him pretty tired and depression which makes him very talkative and annoying sometimes. I think he's depressed because he has been through some major disappointments in his life, compared to what others have and from naturally seeing how some things could fall apart and then avoiding it. I don't think it's really him comparing himself to others that is making him sad. I think it's just his own personal sense of pride that's been hurt because of all his expectations not having been met. I think I'm a decent encouragement for him to keep on living though because he has someone to hope the best things will happen for. 

I'm actually a little worried about how things might turn out for him in the future. Turning on the TV or playing video games feel like they are starting to outlive their entertaining purposes for me. It feels like that I am actually a social creature who wants to binge on hanging out with cool people. Being left out and unheard by people is like my worst nightmare that I have been living on and off. I'm just bored basically and not feeling content with my life.  

In a way, I think I'm at a higher status than what a typical woman would be accustomed to. I mean, I don't get that obvious recognition of status or social acceptance. Actually, maybe there are women out there who are really outcasts and don't have this typical lifestyle of being connected socially. Maybe, in their Facebook page, they don't even have anyone caring about them. If they can embrace that while nothing is absolutely wrong with them, which is probably untrue anyway, then I will give them better props over myself.

Art of Doing Something

To keep myself from feeling guilty, I practically just need to do productive things. It's cool and all from being a dork and slightly nerdy. I guess I just want to be a millionaire with a six-pack right now for all the selfish reasons in the world. Also, I want to continue to read up on the Bible and get somewhere with gaining knowledge in my faith and living a fruitful life that would be pleasing to the Lord.

I have been so distracted as of late that it's not even funny. I think that moment where I feel like I have nothing to do and so can go about indulging in some guilty pleasure is what makes me vulnerable. My mind is actually pretty weak right now, so I need to fix it right now!

Answer To My Life's Problems With People

I want to get some people to add me back on Facebook after using the blocking feature. I don't want any complications with my female co-worker who only has a thing for other girls. I'm going to leave her alone, until I leave that job place and see her like at a bar or some place down in history, if God is willing to make that happen.

Here's the solution that every person should try with their own will. Ask the person if he or she can live with him or herself in unblocking you and adding you back as a friend. If the person says they can't then they are crazy. Tell them to go get some help and then to do the positive thing in making you happy. If the person says yes, then that's the ideal answer you want to hear and will let them know that they are stupid for the way they acted in the first place. If the person doesn't say anything, then that person is basically still stupid for the way they acted in the first place, and you just have to keep repeating that to them and say that anything good which will come out of it is them doing a selfless act which will make you happy! Along with that, you can tell them that everything they acted was stupid and how you acted, no matter how much of psycho you were, was all for that good intention of wanting to be their friend and that it's all about being positive. They have the chance to do something positive and along with being left alone if they were to give in. Along with that, they are just stupid from the way they acted.

That's the total answer to my riddle that's been kicking my butt for the last ten years or so. I actually acted this way subconsciously in getting that message out, so some people did add me back on Facebook, but I was constantly crazy with them and couldn't handle it. I was like yelling at them everyday for the most part. I guess I forgot the basics, while I was doing it from being a crazy person. This is the answer that every person should see and will get the person to stop haunting you, if you never see the person again. It's a free answer that I'm giving away to making any person who is under my situation a happy man or woman. Remember, I have the spiritual gift of giving and encouragement. I am super honest nowadays and it's helping me stay on track with learning how to succeed. It's really just me and not God that's making me go around sinning. I just have to watch out for my temptations a little better, and it's really just stuff that's going on my head and being made more aware of it from reading the Bible.

Facebook Friending

I'm only getting like 1 like for all my posts. It's not me because I don't like my own posts all the time. I think I've probably hit the like button twice to mess around and that's about it. It's like I get 1 like or none at all and still manage about 400 friends. Sure, I've had some fall out on me.

I totally wonder why I'm not getting any likes from people. This is pretty funny because I would normally get sad over it. I think that's how people think sometimes so probably why I wouldn't get so many likes. Also, my friends are not really that popular either and I think I am lowering their Facebook status in a way too.

Well I do have a few restraining orders that passed on by and I did have some psychological issues. Also, I'm a shorty for being a man and have no pretty girlfriend. I really and honestly don't mind so much and think it's fun to laugh about with myself. Don't ask me why and how weird that is. I just plain don't care what my appearance really is, even though I still shave and put on some nice clothes every once in awhile for just fitting in and encouraging something.

Let's see how I act towards others. It's probably the reason why I get this type of reaction. Actually some of my popular friends on Facebook are getting like a couple hundred likes in some occasions. They are not a celebrity or anything either, so I think that's pretty good. They have some universal photos or comments that just make you feel good and interested. I think I have a few of those, but probably I just make people feel shy or uncomfortable in general because of my image or how I come across as a person.

For me, I don't put in the time to read everybody's comments. I've done that for probably a week at the most and probably freaked out a few Facebook friends who ended up giving me the boot. Now, I'm not even on there. Whenever I put something, I've recently got a little better by just hitting the like button of any friend who gets the top feed. I don't care what the friend said, it could be scary or stupid, I don't care, I just hit the like button. On some occasions, I'll say a comment. It looks like I'm personally taking on a personality of just wanting to get a good laugh out of situations. It's really concealed and people don't know that. Maybe, my intentions are not really rooted in being so outward and clingy with people, so my comments get easily excused a lot more.

How I feel towards comments is that "Who cares?" mentality a lot of times. If I'm asking why people are doing that to me, then go figure. I honestly don't feel comfortable about getting a million likes on my Facebook posts. That could probably be the reason why I have my posts averaging around 0.50 likes. In my way, I'm getting at where my subconscious has been asking for. At one point, I was like I want this girl to like to me in my subconscious. Guess what happened? Yeah, exactly! I feel like a lucky winner because of that.

My Own Weirdness

Well yeah, I ended up going crazy with a few people who put a restraining order on me. They couldn't do anything about getting me arrested. Basically, I bugged the heck out of them without putting any thought into it or trying that hard. I honestly have an anger issue with the whole incident and would prefer people not bringing it up. The reason I'm not getting help for it is because I really don't want to pay for the issue, and it also doesn't really bug me and distract me from earning a paycheck and then hanging out with some good friends. I think the angry feelings just motivate me to get back at those individuals a lot harder than I would with a stranger. I've gone practically psycho too with my victims, who became helpless and don't know how to get me arrested. I get in the mood to bite my past restrainers' heads off whenever someone talks about the incident, so I prefer they really didn't talk so much about the past. It's really quite simple to combat a restraining order. Just don't talk or approach the person and hold it in for however long the person can manage to put it on you. After that was over, oh man, I became like the Hulk with those two people who put it on me. I was playing my A game, so you'll never think that I'm the kid with the restraining orders and coming to get you.

I'm a pretty brilliant kid, but my knockout punches come later on in life. Where it most counted for me, I have actually made an impact for some reason. I think it's because I'm naturally gifted at working hard for some silly things. I'm like such a high level and goody two shoe individual. I'm also just practically weird and quiet for the most part. I'm also very volatile to getting angry and then getting back at people, which turns into a pretty scary reputation and something where you just have to leave me alone and let me be while holding me in good regards.

Preference With One Over the Other

When I'm feeling really angry and live up to it with someone, there's no question to what I'm intellectually capable of doing to turn everything into a farce and making him or her look bad. I'm going to just take it with the honest approach which is going to be scary to the other person haha and talk to the person I know face-to-face first. I'll let my emotions run wild, too and experience the ride and find myself maturing through those moments.

Writing is supplementary and I'm only going to do it just to make fun of those individuals in an honest manner now. I can be a manipulative person in a good way that benefits the cause of trying to be there for the person, even while I'm angry and being supportive. The only cost that comes from it is that I'll be distancing myself more from others and including that individual, who will probably move on and develop some trouble dealing with stuff in life. I accept who I am and will work at letting myself mature by learning to listen and understand what people are trying to say word for word, even if the ideas are ridiculous! I'm also going to face myself instead of using those outlets to distract me from knowing who I really am.

I Have the Confidence Man

I'm accustomed to messaging people about my complaints while holding back my anger. It bothers them a lot, haha. Instead of doing that, I'm okay with being straight up in person this time. The only time I'm going to message people in that moment is just for the convenience of making fun of them while I'm mad. I'm going to also do it truthfully too because it will make things easier for me in letting it go from laughing about the situation for what it is.

I'm ideally going to combine it together now in writing and talking to them in person and getting them to crack to basically just get back at them for making me angry about something silly. 

Putting Everything Together

I'm going to play a more active role this time around in life. I was like that in the beginning, but I didn't know what the heck I was doing and still am like that to this day. I wasn't aware of my surroundings because I was struggling to do so. I had like this built-up chronic stress disorder of some sort from having felt so let-down in the past. It's hard to cure yourself over that, but I managed to do it from finding solace and happiness in the Lord.

What I'm noticing is that feeling of not wanting to do anything and just being so tired in that all your mind wants to do is just do something easy to entertain itself, like watching T.V. T.V. can be fun with the stuff that's on there, but it's not really that big of a deal.

With the people that I'm dealing with from the past, they are actually pretty flimsy people. I understand that and it annoys the heck out of me still to this day. I don't want to see them die or anything, but I want them to be alive and for me to release all that energy of being annoyed with them. I'm actually scary like that because it isn't normal to be like all up in people's faces.

I guess the best qualities come out of me when I'm trying to play an active role while struggling with stuff in life. I'm currently only struggling with being angry at some people, but it's not like I want to hurt them. I just want to make fun of them now! I'll go do that then to relieve some stress and keep it honest. Honesty is like a kiss on the lips.

Not Wasting Time

Basically, I'm going to try to be successful and supposedly that's a manly thing to do. I read some Bible topic about the dangers of success. I was like man, that's a little too feminine for the guy whose writing it. How's about changing the title to How God wants the best for us?

Okay, so I'm having the right mind to stick with swing trading the currency and intra-day trading binary options markets. A very small entrepreneurial side has decided to keep gambling to a minimized state so I'm playing at the tiniest blinds with online poker. I'm like literally playing with pennies, so it doesn't mean much. It's just for fun I guess, if I need to burn off some steam and maybe I can make a little return off of it.

Okay, so I'm going try to grow my head into a full batch of hair. I'm going to go for the impossible and try to get taller, even though I can convince a tall girl she's still short if she was ever to date me and that because I'm a guy, it doesn't matter what his height is and that it's all relative.

Overall, I'm going to try to get into Bible reading again and maybe I'll make some posts about it now too. I'm trying not to get so tired, but I can tell myself that it's only 100+ years to go with living, so it can't really be that bad going on living like this with some added developments that will come my way.

Battling Consistency

I'm trying to avoid procrastinating this time around because I'm older and even though it's great to get lost in a delusional bubble from playing video games and watching movies all day, the after effects of not getting anything done have felt very brutal for me. I'm always regretting it after I binge on entertaining myself with personal time. I do like checking up on standings of professional sports in the U.S. It's just fun to me to see how a team I like has been doing, win or lose, but I want them to always win of course like a little kid. Who really doesn't?

From the last post, I'm now going to be saying to myself that I only have like a 100+ more years left for living a full life. Now is the time for me to not think about depressing stuff, but enjoy my independence of being a single man. My hair has been starting to fall out now, and I've be doing someone who fell in love with me a disservice anyway. I'm a dirty, rotten individual who cares about selfish things but wants to be donate money for good causes like ensuring clean water in third world countries, while I just sit there and let someone else do the work. I'll supply the money and that's it!

I'll sit there and watch, while being spoon-fed all the wonderful details that my hard-earned money has gone into for contributing with this world. Mature Christians are said to have a spiritual gift from God. Mine is mainly giving and encouraging at its strongest core; I can also bring out the worst in people and bother them so much when I feel the same way about them and not intending myself to go that route.

The pastor and woman who put that restraining order on me are in for a really big hurt during the future. They better take precautions because I'm not assisting them for it and also they better have left the church by the time I show up or else things will get really ugly for them and super bad. I'm no longer taking an effeminate approach and am not afraid with opening up with honesty because it's mainly bad for them and I'm laughing about the details. I'm really taking my time this time around with showing up to the church, so the only time they should really care is when I do show up and what I did to them that gets engraved in their tiny heads permanently. I basically don't care what's on their bothered minds now and just out there to have fun by acting out my foolish thoughts about the whole situation that took place. Nothing is really going to stop me or hold me back, except myself.  

Honest Assumptions

It's only like I have 100+ years left to live. I'm 32 now, so I'm going to live to be a 130+ years old, oh yeah. Making it happen while laying off of the cigarettes which I never did. I never found it amusing no matter how depressing or funny things got to light up a joint. I don't see how relying on a piece of plant to get a fix should be a highlight of someone's life. I just see it that way; I don't know about what others would feel.

I have lost a good patch of hair, or it's like thinning. I'm trying to make it get thicker again, and I think I still look similar from how I looked ten years ago. Maybe a little better because I'm pretty fond of my how my face appears. The only thing that's not going for me is my height, but women are the shorter gender in general, so why not mix things up a bit or two and let her still feel short! I guess I could join in on the fun by feeling that I'm among the tall guys in the sense that I'm a male. Okay, I guess I could think that way to lighten up.

My ambitions can be very strong, but I'm afraid that if those events don't come true then I'll end up hurting myself massively. The hurt feelings are what's limiting me from pushing further. One of my friend's brother is an idiot. He doesn't want to think he's making some mistakes with becoming happy and wants to stay the same way. I've seen him get depressed and a little teary in his eyes when I start talking about how couples are happy together and blessed to be together. Still, he just drops it right away and then goes straight into his pitiful agenda.

Facing and Conquering Challenges

Today is a very special day for my parents, who are stuck with me. I'm a weird kid who did traumatizing stuff to himself, but I'm going for a Master's now after getting my Bachelor's ten years ago. What does that say about me? Not much, except that I'm motivated at this point to land a job in I.T. from having no professional experience on paper to go with it. I have done some side projects with I.T. and from being lazy, I don't update them but they are useful to me.

The biggest challenge for me is getting into that state of lack of motivation. I'm pretty much over my worries of finding a good person to marry. The only trouble is now if I can find a genuine Christian woman around my age to love, trust, and grow a spousal relationship with. I've gone through those emotional woes of not being timely enough for me.

I think what I need is acceptable adversity and to deal with it calmly while being productive and nice about it with others. I'm understanding now what it means to be effeminate for a guy and that's basically taking a passive role with people. It really screwed me over, but not entirely that bad because I got mad and started taking over!

Now, It's About Fun Discipline

In order to be consistent with something, it's probably nice to have strong goals for a chance. The type of goals that are deep and meaningful and just fill up your soul with motivation and gratification when you engage in those success-making activities! How's about going to the library and studying until the sun comes down? Boo! Okay, I don't think many would be up to that task.

One thing I'm starting to come to terms with is my T.V. watching and game playing days. It's starting to feel like a very wasteful activity for me. Go figure, even my friend who used to play video games 24-7 feels the same way. Now, he's manning up to become a cop. One guy I work with said that you have to be corrupted to get in the police force. What a stupid guy, or at least I'm hoping he meant that as a joke. It's about putting it all together now, and it's starting to happen.

Finding Closure With Everything

This is just trying to tie everything up now. My main motivation with everything is just coming from not feeling depressed at all with anything. It even includes thinking about my short, male height of being only 5'3". Honestly, women are pretty short too compared to men, so they don't seem to mind so much after having hung out with me. Heh heh. Guys sort of take a little bit longer to absorb how short I am and how much I can outsmart them. Some tall guys end up feeling a little depressed and jealous with me, oh well for a little while.

It's the funniness that's actually sort of good for me and bad for my enemies. My enemies are really confused by me and don't know what's up really. I guess they can't come to terms with me in some area, so they end up becoming monkey-brained! Even through the good and bad times, this one girl appreciates how I've been always honest with her and actually likes me because of it. I think she knows my type and actually, I can sort of tell how a girl sees me based on how she hugs me too. This applies for a girl hugging a guy who is generally seen as a good guy and has a reputation for getting in a little trouble that has already passed and stressed her out. 

Being patted on the back just means she's friendly with you and willing to join you, if you interest her enough with something. She's basically the type you are meant to just see as a friend for the rest of your life! That's funny how I messed up a few times with those friends, while not treating it like a date but yeah, it's a good experience for the real thing. They are very nice to pay attention to because they might have some valuable information you could recall later on.

There's the kind, who will rub you in your back. She's basically taken, but holds a great deal of respect for you. An example, is my pretty cousin. I see her as a very attractive knockout with a sweet personality, but she's family so I'm not taking it any further to mind my manners. These women are wonderful people and will get along so well with you. 

The final kind I've faced is the type of woman who will grab onto you like a teddy bear. Sometimes it's annoying and with a pretty girl, it is supposed to feel pretty exciting, if you know what I really mean. Yeah, it implies the girl likes you if she's someone who has any amount of characteristics you could end up dating or marrying. It doesn't mean that she will commit to you though. Also, these types of girls could later go on to pat your back. I end up patting them too now, so why not. Sometimes, the girl will switch from patting to holding onto you again. It just depends on her mood and occasion. It can be hard to tell what's on her mind.