Setting Priorities Straight

I found myself binge watching anime last weekend and playing a few hours of online Poker while also catching up on playing some Animal Crossing. I didn't quite finish my main task at hand which was putting my money into a side business I have in mind and paying off a small bill related to auto insurance. It's really not that fun to be honest because I didn't feel that comfortable about touching my savings last weekend. I guess it's normal, and I did say that I'm comfortable about going into this business so might as well start by wagering small while working hard at it with the convenient business model I have in mind.

This evening, I plan to work on getting my side business sorted out with getting my starting accounts set up before playing some online Poker and then watching a few anime episodes before I get tired. Maybe in between anime episodes, I could work on organizing this weekend like I do plan on spending time with a friend who is a girl and someone I'm considering marrying. She shows interest in me because we have had a couple, informal, and fun dates and could also be that we were only born a few months apart. I'm the older one! She's a little taller but doesn't seem to mind at all which is cool so I might as well work on building some more confidence while I'm around her and knowing that I'll never be taking advantage of anyone. 

Understand How to Work

I'm very lucky to have this software engineering job title. I can see how it gets looked down upon by a crazy manager at work but it doesn't really bother me. It's no doubt that I am pretty good at working with computers while being able to look up on things people are willing to share over the Internet. I even have a degree in it and felt guilty pleasure for the longest time because I was conflicted about dedicating my life to God with it.Yet, now I completely understand that enjoying this line of work is pretty much a fulfilling calling for me in this world and I can apply these skills to be a servant to the Lord. I will never be that knowledgeable about the Bible because I have a falling out with it. I believe that the Lord just cares about me believing in Christ dying on the cross for man's sins and accepting him into my heart for going to heaven. I know it's hard because it is emotional in a sense to some people because they like to add on you have to be a good person as well in their own eyes, but in the end the final judgement call belongs to the Lord. 

For my job in detail, I have a list that I'm going through for making my software run better for the company. It's pretty fun. I guess since this is a family business and even though I could work on myself for finding myself a better paying job with benefits, I plan on sticking around here and enjoying the down time I can be lucky with once it happens. With the down time, I'm going to work on completing my online courses for a mini-Masters in IT. During the meantime, I have a running list to complete that I'm treating like my chore and to keep me occupied while being lucky enough that I do enjoy this work and to get paid for it. 

Looking at What Matters

When I look at it, it's pretty much a value system of personal preference and can always be subject to being tested at any time. The way I see it is to work hard, have a positive attitude, be smart, and present a nice personality no matter what happens! The people who get you ticked off are practically crazy and could be anyone in this world, so it would be a waste of time to continue staying mad at him or her.

Along with those qualities, it would be working on a nice, eclectic range that helps out a lot too! I don't think people care about me too much man, but yeah it was fun to begin with. Getting all anxious is so funny and that's what I was like. My mistakes are absolutely hilarious and even though I may think people are still crazy, it's okay I'm not going to stay mad and be that short guy who gets annoying and bullies around others while being such a lost cause to get things my way eventually. Either way, what made me get results was just sticking to it and working hard at it even if it meant feeling like the world was crashing down on me and hiding all of those insecurities from the ladies. I pretty much had a quiet nature that I was really feeling sorrowful over. It's really not much of a big deal now with all of these personal emotions, since I'm a guy and have had to work at overcoming them sooner or later anyway.   

Finding Acceptance and Improving

I've been feeling more accepting these days of my situation and not really sulking anymore underneath selfishly about things not going my way. I think everybody has their own way of dealing with some impossible obsessions. For me, I just couldn't let it go because of my stubbornness. I had some weird ideas of how life is run, but hey it was my own opinion. 

These days, I don't think it really matters too much. I do have a friend who calls me up and sees me like family. She sees me like a big brother or says she does while acting another way. Basically, she really isn't the physically affectionate type. She deals with social anxiety issues and other stress-related drama from her lifestyle choices and being born with an incurable disease. I still like her a good deal for who she is and try to go out of my way to just help her whenever she asks me, even if it's not that comfortable to me.

I'm actually comfortable about maintaining a close relationship with her, and I think the only significant opening I've seen with her is bonding together while cooking and watching movies together. We have even traveled together while being just the two of us, so she's used to being around me and treating me like another sibling while traveling. Those trips are pretty challenging in that they can get a little irritating with not much meaningful words being exchanged. It's sort of like pushing myself to make something good happen out of it, but I'm struggling underneath!  

Basically, to form a deeper and romantic relationship with her, it would just mean continuing to do things with her. I guess I could look at it from the point of being like we're currently friends with a thing for each other somehow but not trying to give into each other. She's been interested in trying to set me up with one of her friends who is a pretty and single mom and feels she would be more compatible for me. I'm really not sure about that because I am a short man even though I don't look that way entirely. Anyway, this friend of mine is one of my possible love interests. It's still fun just to have someone who I care about a lot interested in hanging out with me. 

Basic Happy Routine

Well, I'm looking to change around a lot of different things, but first I need to make the dough. I feel like I'm in the right direction now that I have decided to commit myself to investing in stocks, along with trading currency and playing online Poker. Poker is going to take me a while longer to start playing for real, but my currency trading has paid its dues and I'm ready for it. The thing about it is that all of this is something I enjoy doing as well. 

I see my objective being about learning something new to have fun in the end. I do have some unfinished graduate-level coursework to still finish. I can go about focusing on them whenever I get the chance. It's just a matter of commitment and the best way to leave it there for me is to maintain a positive attitude about it. I associate positivity with being fun and having fun is what I love to do! I just need to push myself enough while keeping it sensible and staying dedicated. I think that's all there really is to it now.

I'm going to try this whole living through entertainment with games, YouTube videos, anime, and other things by making it the last thing or when I burn out. I still want to do more with my daily life, so I will do the best I can to carry out those personal errands. It's starting to make sense with how writing this is something I could look back on as well and be in a different state of mind after letting what I currently have pass. 

At work, I'm pretty much good to begin my business everyday after answering a question on Quora, writing a couple posts on here, and looking at my trades. Sometimes, I'll let my mind wander off a little but it's really all about getting myself back to focus and doing a good job. I think I will also be looking at some emails and meetups I can attend in the future later once this Covid-19 pandemic passes. 

After Action Review From Yesterday Night

I received last night a package for learning to trade stocks. I bought a membership to a prestigious investor group that is endorsed by Bill O'Reilly who is a famous broadcaster and best-selling author of fifteen books. He is about honest journalism and likes to keep it simple but his style is entertaining too, so that's probably why he's the best.

I ended up spending the evening while feeling sleepy and played a good session of online Poker while re-reading the 4 Pillars of Wealth. I absolutely agree with everything it says and now ready to get started. There's nothing wrong here but after I was done with my Poker session, I had a few more things to do planned out in my head while I was exhausted and instead of pushing myself, I laid down thinking I was going to take a nap and then I fell into a deep sleep and woke up to get ready for work again the next day.

I missed brushing my teeth again and taking a shower! I intended to also look to do some more trading before heading off to bed. I laid off watching some anime episodes and playing video games because I told myself to save it for last yesterday. I don't really feel bad about missing out on my usual entertainment. I'll try again this time but push myself to brush my teeth and take a shower this time when I've just had it at staying up. 

Setting Priorities Straight

Yesterday was my birthday so I ended up lounging around and watching anime episodes. Today, I could try going after my more fun priorities and stick to entertainment for my last because they tend to be the most time consuming and most engaging anyway. They feel the most rewarding too sometimes that I want to skip right to doing them first, but it doesn't always feel right to me after a time being. 

I guess I'm meant to be a more serious and practical individual even though I just spill out a lot of personal comments that gets me laughing about it quite a bit. I can be pretty serious, technical, and boring as well on topics I know about so it's interesting with my range that I'm capable of communicating. 

The thing is I don't have full mastery of these great intentions yet. I don't think I'm very locked in on it because I don't see how I could really make a living off of it from not really being my calling. I don't really like doing a service for people and getting paid for it. I guess this is why I'm switching over to competing in lucrative and fair games to take money from outsmarting opponents who are in it to do the same with me as well. I intend to of course give back and maybe I'll overlook the bad apples and still give regardless since as a whole the potential is great. 

I don't want to reward laziness with the hard work I put in and think those people are being crazy asking me to do the work for them while being business owners. I don't really need their money to begin with, so I prefer to compete against them while being lazy and crazy and then take their money, too!  

Realizing From Hindsight

I recognize something that would be considerably scary to some but never took it seriously while I was driving some individuals crazy in the past. They ended up gaslighting me! Only two individuals out of the many and one doesn't count now went for a restraining order on me. Of the two, one was a young man and another a young, crazy lady. I think it's fair to call her Crazy Lee to this day because I kept on letting the keyword slip right past through me. The word I'm referring to is 'crazy'! 

I accept all of it with how I was being very annoying to them and not approaching them tactfully enough. I wasn't too bad with them of course, since I'm still a relational-type person no matter how much someone ends up trying to destroy me or drives me nuts! What just held me back all this time was from being really angry about it and not able to accept it. 

I don't know how this acceptance phase happened for me, but it's something important to touch upon as I can remember. First off, it was about finding relief from this poor drama which felt like a sickening comedic act was being forced upon me the whole time. This is where God came into play and what helped was seriously reading and connecting with those devotionals a lovely person gave to me. I'm seriously touched by how it still has this lasting effect on me even though the details are slowly fleeting away. It was after all, an experience with getting a positive emotional recovery! 

Developing faith in Jesus can be such a wild, emotional ride but what must be rooted in me is just how the Lord's message of salvation clicked for me back then. It's going to be different for everyone else of course and some may be less sensitive to it. I can't represent everyone but having this loving attitude for the things of the Lord and continually praying for someone to come to the Way sure is a beautiful and amazing thing! It can be a lifelong journey that's very satisfying when it does reach its destination and what better way than to end this post on a beautiful note from the encouraging Bible. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Creating Better Habits

It looks like I want to be more professional and accepting of how things are going. With current times as I'm writing this post, I know it's going to be a little late by the time this post comes around. There's been some looting and protesting going on with the whole Black Lives Matter incident. A black man died from not being able to breath while a cop was detaining him on the ground and a video has gone viral. The cop has lost his job, but he hasn't been prosecuted yet which was what the protesting crowd is calling for. 

Thinking about it, it's time that I started putting in some money on my currency trades and also doing some investing with my preferences having been set. I'm pretty excited about where this could all lead to. I'm probably going to cap it at $5000 per year at the moment, until I can get better results. I don't really mind losing but that's not what I'm going into this business for. I'm trying to turn myself into a millionaire! 

I guess I could do that and then work on some cooking. It would be nice I suppose. I don't think my looks really matter that much after doing the best I could with it! It's about maintaining confidence and meeting the right one or working it out with someone I like who is nice enough to let me. Rejections are a thing that happens and it's not really playing into any negativity for me now.   

Thing to Improve

Well, I'm writing this post on my birthday right now so it means this will be long gone for me by then when it shows on the blog. It's interesting how writing can be a useful tool for me. Basically yesterday, I ended up playing Animal Crossing a lot longer than I should have and then did a little trading and falling asleep while playing online Poker and then brushed my teeth before going to bed. I was too tired to work on planning some stocks after.

I think from today, I can focus on playing Animal Crossing and other games on my Switch last. I also have some fun anime episodes I could watch too while streaming them for free! 

With the things that I want to work on, it now figures that you just have to set your mind on it and work hard at it. It also deals a lot with your personal attitude too. Seriously, I don't think being short really matters that much anymore. I'm less likely to turn any heads than my much better looking and taller competitors. It's not really that necessary anyway and just have to work at finding someone better to be with then. In the meantime and just for fun, I could maintain myself while trying to make myself good-looking much as possible.  

Keeping It Positive and Comfortable

It looks like my mind has been getting better at handling some letdowns. I still feel a little sad to the eyes when I approach a taller person sometimes. It's just a feeling of personal grief! I'm able to still grind at pushing myself while being under the spell. I can now laugh at crazy, taller people making fun of my height though. 

It really does come down to having a healthy mindset and working towards achieving something. Overcoming mistakes are sort of like trial and error. It's like playing this puzzle game called Death Squared on the Nintendo Switch. It's basically blocks moving around on a platform and controlling them to avoid booby traps to get it to its designated spot. The time to finish each level is recorded and even the amount of deaths from falling into a void, blowing up, or hitting spikes are kept track of. The difficulty of getting through obstacles increases as you get through later stages but isn't impossible if you can visualize what will happen and have enough patience. It's entertaining and is sort of how the mind works to solve problems!  

I think it's really just starting on something and then committing oneself to finishing it, while making it a daily routine. I guess it's mental stress or something else going on underneath that keeps you from going there. I guess the mind needs to feel warmed up or engaged first before it can handle something less exciting. This is probably what daydreaming and searching the web for other solutions can help you in. 

Mainly, it's about staying positive and committed to going where you want to go. It can apply at anytime and where I treasure my heart lying at the most is putting my faith in the Bible. It's like having this feeling of unforgettable joy for me and this connection of so much personal relief while continually increasing in self-acceptance. I'm staying a true believer of Jesus but I can't say that my heart is always aligned to his ways. This reminds me that I should be asking for forgiveness while seeking out the perfect path to walk. It's a bunch of labor pains! 

Oh, What to Do?

Backtracking from yesterday, I went to bed without taking a shower but I wasn't sweaty or anything. I realized that I was half-asleep while playing on my laptop and just dozing off and forcing myself to wake back up again. I forgot that if I really wanted to stay awake then I could have made myself some coffee or tea.

I ended up playing a few hours of Animal Crossing and then found myself dozing off to online Poker and working on managing my currency trades. I'm pretty much ready now to start playing for real money in currency and investing in long-term stocks. I think I will start out with contributing about $5000 on stocks per year total and keep it at only $1000 on currency because of its high risk and volatile nature. This sounds like a pretty good newbie amount for me. 

I would still like to put in the time to cook and work out, while fussing a little over my personal hygiene and giving myself a better appearance just for fun. It's really about putting the heart in the right place now. There's no need to look down upon others. Besides, I'm already a shorty! Not that I really care anymore. Thinking about it, it may matter to some but there might be others who don't really mind if you are short to them. It's just about working on the personality, intelligence, and being successful. It should be good enough then with finding a beautiful lady to enjoy a nice life with. Hard work isn't limited to just a few people. It can be accessible to anybody!  

Finding It Funny

What used to bother me for so many years wasn't really ever such a big deal in the first place. I was going through a lot of personal complexes and grinding it out while feeling so angry over things that I felt were out of hand and trying to stay a gentleman about it. I did get my beautiful answer from messaging the right person, who was a girl of all people! She wisely didn't reply back with her own words but used works from a writer who she looks up to. The focus was mainly on God's message from the Bible. God's Word is really powerful and life-changing stuff. 

Along with finding comfort in my own shell thanks to being encouraged from reading Scriptures, I started labeling all my past troubles as crazy including the ones who became like loose cannons to me. Yeah, it's an issue I can personally sort out now and it's mainly from not losing heart if there's any failure that happens while putting in the effort to try again in a more tactical manner. At least I'm not trying to make something worse but feeling good about getting along no matter how weird it feels to the other crazy person. I drove those people crazy over silly matters they were confused about and gave them a hard time. I'm at fault for this, but what I realize overcomes the repercussions from them being so bitter with me or not in the mood for being nice, is just talking them through it. 

Where my fault lies is that I didn't do exactly what needed to be done because my heart was in the wrong place. I was going to yell at them and knew that I was going to go crazy while feeding them passionate lip service where I would have no stable grasp over. I didn't want to feel insecure about yelling at them and then saying that I wanted to be cool with them the next day I saw them. This is why, it's important for me to constantly think they are already crazy so acting like that won't ever happen because I can't stay mad at those types of people.  

Being Self-motivated

It's quite funny in a sense with how I'm being entertained by reading my own writing now. I don't recall everything I write, but even if I did I would call it a curse then because I occasionally have a few posts that don't connect very well with people. I think most of the time it seems like I might be giving off this whole high and mighty act while feeling good about it from being so confident. It doesn't take away the attention of people for some reason and neither does it really get someone to simply click the like button for me. I'm not really asking for it in the first place.

This is how I'm perceiving my own writing. It's pretty good in a sense that I like to get carried away with what I put in the past and read them over again a lot. It feels good to read mainly positive and highly energized posts from myself. It's probably what is causing this good effect of keeping me committed to writing decent posts. 

Yet now, I'm pretty much ready to invest my money now to focus on it as a side business in hopes of becoming wealthy. I am grateful for this opportunity I have as a software engineer and even though I'm not getting the paid the amount I like, it's still comfortable enough to feel like I could take myself to the next level with it. Overall, I believe it's also a fair exchange with what I'm receiving for my own services. I'm just plain lucky to have got here so far.

The thing that I would like to routinely work on after doing my side business is work out and cook. For my personal free time, I can enjoy watching a few anime episodes and play games on my Switch. I'm pretty happy with what I have going and think I have to take care of it.   

Looking into Yesterday's Tasks

I spent some time researching my investing options, and I feel confident about having picked the right source to use and with making the right considerations. I'm going for an all-out moderate approach, since I don't mind risking a decent amount to make it big. Of course, I'm not going to put all of my money into this and keep a little aside to pay off the bills or go on a vacation spree!

From spending most of my evening, looking up the products and services that are being offered for me, I feel like I really made a wise choice with signing on to be a member. I realize that I have a specialty in also short-term swing trading the spot currency market. It's so highly volatile, and I've managed to come up with a personal system that leaves me comfortable with checking it just once in the morning and another in the evening. It makes a lot of common sense as well, which can be hard to find sometimes in this world of investing! I'm practically going to guard it so closely with my heart, since I don't want evil hands getting a hold of it and maybe even my own kids someday. That's how serious I am about withholding it from people. It can technically become a very dangerous area from dealing with uncertainty, and I don't ever want to be blamed while being a part of some fools' mess where they just couldn't keep up with me. Some people are better at putting a blind eye to it and sticking to their plan faithfully and these are the ones I'm happy to learn from as well, but my flawed personality just limits me here, so I'm going to take it like a sponge for personal endeavors and direct others to these very capable experts if the need ever arises.

After I decided to take a break on my focus, I ended up taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I watched two or three episodes of a new series to keep my motivation up for the reward of working on something. I didn't quite finish but I was working at it with some keen focus, so I don't feel bad about it but I would just like to add in some growing taller stretches before I go shower now and get ready for bed. I'm noticing my posture is slouching a little from being on a computer for the most part of my day so they will help me keep a better one out of habit. It's pretty much it, but the last time I stuck to it religiously, it made me permanently grow 1/2 of an inch at the age of 25 so it may get really helpful again. I'm not dying so much underneath of personal grief from being a lot shorter than I would have liked. I guess it's funny to me.   

Where Height Matters

I think physical height comes into play for like modeling, acting, professional sports, and sometimes dating. Yet the most successful types are only limited to significantly less than 1% so you could say they have been born into like royalty. Other than that, height is just a number and if used well for putting on a show, then more power to you!

I accept myself with being short now and realize that I'm still quite a decent looking guy. I can rather focus on my inward confidence while working hard to gain wealth and working out to have a sexy body, while also being a nice person to be friends with and ask out single ladies who I'm attracted to while hoping it will lead to a happy marriage. 

Like a numbers game, it eventually is going to land as long as you continue to have your head properly in it. I don't really mind rejection from people anymore and won't hinder me from working any harder or less than I want to. Other than for the people who think height matters, for everyone else, it really doesn't. The most important thing is that it isn't with how everyone feels about your height if you aren't happy with it and should be rooted in maintaining a healthy mental state. 

Focusing on What to Do

I think it's really all about the mindset with willpower to go after doing happy things. It's just emotions and does take some brainpower to work through it with determination. I mean it does feel empty to constantly focus on watching shows to pass the time, when something better could be made out of it. I have found that playing Poker, trading currency, and investing in stocks is the way to go for me on the side. Currently, I'm working as a systems programmer which is fun, but I want to experience wealth with a lot of free time on my hands.

It's also about having the confidence, along with maintaining a decent personality that counts, so getting used to it while creating a routine is what it's about for me. So now I know what to focus mainly on the side and what I could do to routinely have some fun as well. I do want to keep on working out regularly along with participating in cooking.

Letting Issues Go Easy

It just came to my mind that the best way to let bad memories go is by desiring them to pass from having already accepted them. For example, it's not easy to just forget all of a sudden while it's still burning you up with rage. It's crazy how the Word of God really just helped me get through it. It's awesome even though a nice enough lady who cared quite a bit played a small part for me to receive it. 

It's crazy how it's hard to sometimes communicate through words, but over time, it does get so much better. I seem to be very confident these days with my speech and in writing but there's probably a plus side to me talking about it rather than messaging someone. It could be true for most people as well. I really like this whole being in one peace and not so restless about something anymore. I felt so locked up inside while still being a sinner sometimes. 

Those chains have been broken down and the Lord has manifested Himself to the core of my being. I am not ashamed of it. Who knows what wacky thing I could have come up with from having sat down and even wrote it down all the way? 

Becoming Consistent and Stable

Nowadays, the positivity that runs through my personal existence has been filled with overcoming joy and confidence. It does give me this weeping sense from feeling happy in a way. It's crazy but I'm glad to have made some decisions while sticking with it. Even if it was questionable or weird back then, I'm totally okay with laughing while reflecting about how poorly I executed something out of ignorance. It really just comes down to acceptance and putting a label on the hard stuff that are so hard to understand while being frustrating.

Finding comfort in the joy of the Lord from reading His Word was so amazing to behold. It's this incredible faith at any amount that we start out with and then from going with the flow, there's room for it to grow. When it just happens, it's amazing with how things get into the right perspectives on life. I know I'm engaging in fun things now besides just giving into it to feed some obsessive drive. Well, I'm still guilty of that too and it's a work in progress for me that I'm dealing with. Everyday is a new challenge to overcome practically the same thing and new ones as well. To not have a grip on this like my crazy dad sometimes, well I can't stay mad at him since I believe he's crazy and he brought me into this world with my mom. 

There's so much of this loving feeling of acceptance now from literally letting the anger flow away from me because it makes plain sense to my soul. I accepted the truth. Everybody else who ticks me off are totally crazy and could be anyone. I'm not going to go around bullying them for it but stay nice to build cool relationships with them. 

Committing to a Little Thing

I'm still having trouble with doing a few simple things I want to set myself out to do. I guess on the long run it really does come down to having a proper mindset with a positive attitude even when it feels like things are bearing down on you and getting so boring. It's a tough state of mind for one to wake himself out of, but needs to be done for living a beautiful life!

First off, there needs to be self-awareness of this state of mind that's happening and then secondly, it's just walking towards the right path. Sure, there are other competing factors that go on so it does make sense for some to hire a life coach if there's something bigger going on underneath. It seems like I have no problems with being a nice guy, but what's not to like about me is when I can become so persistent and annoying at a low level with someone. I drive them so crazy and I acknowledge that I can be their source of stupid insanity! I say stupid crazy because it's not really that bad to talk about but their feelings are going haywire from having other competing interests come forward and arranged differently from intricate layers that have been woven from experiencing several ups and downs in life. It's just normal to not really think about it, unless you're just naturally a sensitive person who cares about what you say and do around others with every minute detail. It's like the dominant crazy side comes out of them and starts ticking me off. I'm labeling it crazy nowadays because it helps me calm down and feel bad for them and that's really the only reason for all of this mess I've been through. It's that I couldn't accept it back then and that's what was so hard to accept. 

Yet, being redirected with putting my faith and trust in the Lord through some devotionals that were brought to my attention by a lovely person, it really did give me in a sense this godly form of relief and putting life into true perspective. I believe it was something supernatural that occurred from the Holy Spirit. It was an amazing connection that I went through and something so wonderful to have gone through. The Word of God is truly this powerful and it's not like I forced myself to give the Lord a chance. It just happened and this amazing Spirit of the Lord did its work. The truth really is people who tick you off are totally crazy or whatever negative thing you want to call them, as long as you can release all your anger and resentments on them momentarily and willingly able to work at getting along because it's morally the perfect thing to do. It might even be a form of being quick-tempered. A lot of times I'm just quiet with him or her because I'm constantly thinking when the right time to make my move is. Well with family, it seems like a waste of time to continue arguing over something senseless while thinking he's crazy but it's not like I'm still looking to squash him anymore! I'm already a pretty fearsome fellow when I show a decent portion of my anger because I have enough I.Q. to work with. I'm going to stay cool and not bully around people I think are crazy, which could practically be everyone else. I will instead be tactful for maintaining a cool relationship with them.  

This being said, it's back to learning to consistently add on brushing my teeth one more time a day just to practice dental recommendations and have my teeth feel so sparkly while licking them afterwards in time. It's like consistency is hard work and a positive buildup, so being lazy or forgetful won't contribute to this and cause an unwanted side effect of bad breath!  

Little Things to Fix

I believe it's just a matter of these small details of tasks that I keep on neglecting from getting really sleepy and blacking out for the whole night. I would like to exercise proper hygiene by brushing my teeth twice a day. I usually get in once a day no problem. If I forget in the morning, then I don't forget to brush in the evening usually and that's the time I usually neglect it. It seems like my subconscious is really comfortable with brushing only once a day and I do this for two minutes total from 30 seconds on each quadrant of my mouth. I have one of those built-in timers on my electric toothbrush and it's pretty nice while able to remove most of the plague and make my teeth feel a lot cleaner. 

I think applying my trade routine is going to be necessary as well during the evening. I have been playing on my Switch a lot too which is tons of fun, but I believe now that I should focus on my other personal tasks first before having so much fun. I think it's just personal discipline that I need to put a little more effort into while keeping a cheery mind about it. It's fun to keep on doing though once you get the hang of it. At the start, it always feels a little rough but with better concentration and ease of mind through practice and patience, if it's something that you are doing because it's enjoyable then it's like the best thing or after it's done, if you feel so relieved then that's what makes life so interesting to keep on living for long as you can. 

Just Going for It

I think it just comes down to having fun and doing a good job. I may be a real shorty but I guess if I can keep up a decent conversation with the ladies then maybe one of them will think I'm unique enough to just give a chance despite their reservations about me being shorter than them or just not quite up to standards genetically. Maybe I could just work out more and develop some more muscles and appear to more athletic while taking care of my skin better and just portray this contagious positivity. That's pretty much the way to go and it's a number's game, so taking rejection is going to be part of life and fortunately, I'm able to laugh about it without going crazy now.

I think I just need to get really comfortable and mainly since my parents are traditionally ethnocentric, it really concerns me still to this day with how I haven't really found myself totally attracted to a Korean girl and just ask her out. Well, I was to someone and I was just too shy to ask her out back then. Maybe, it happened a couple times and I just couldn't go for it because I was dealing with a weird inferiority complex. I think it's just from trying hard and while stirred from my emotions that I got somewhere for the longest time. 

I have yet to try again and find someone more to my liking. It really seems like I'm physically attracted more to certain type of ladies but when I come to think of it, it might not really matter in the end as long as I have grown somewhere to love her for who she is.  

Living a Good Life

I think worshiping God plays a big role for a happy life and it's not because I consider myself to be a Christian. I don't know if I can justify that statement at all, but it was worth a try. I believe personally a large part of having a great life is to be able to have really genuine and hearty laughs every once in a while. Being so cheery and easy to amuse like we were while growing up are like the best times, aren't they? 

Nowadays, there's stress going around with people being so selfish while the person at the top may or may not be having a really good time. There's really no guarantees and even the spouse can let you down sometimes. Even the lady friends I have might but I'm willing to put a blind eye on their flaws. It's amazing that I have more lady friends who keep closely in contact with me than guy friends now! I started super shy with approaching women too and would get so nervous about the topic of hitting on them. I still do and not going to lie but it's been on this manly streak lately where I can imagine myself being with someone who might be less physically attractive than someone else. Who am I kidding, it really doesn't matter to me after all? I just need to find that closure of falling in love and then it's lights out after pairing with the right person. 

I currently have two to seriously consider and another lady who is very aggressive but patient with contacting me. I just don't know how to reply to her because I feel a little uncomfortable. She goes let's hang out and then she tries to put the moves on me so quickly. Man, it's been past ten years now and she still hasn't forgotten me. 

I sort of understand now how some attractive girls I'm friends with on Facebook don't bother to message me back. It's probably common courtesy to not to because they don't want to cause a ruckus with me or something while being so sensitive. It's also that maybe I came on a little too strong or something weird just overtook their thoughts in motion and they just went "Okay" while replying back with nothing. This is how I see it, so it would be that I have to check if there's any attraction by speaking to them in person like initiating contact and having a fun conversation. Maybe they'll be interested back with me showing some interest, who knows or maybe they will reject me or just don't want to while seeing someone else and they like me at the same time. It's life and there's many good reasons to consider besides just feeling down and selfish for not getting something your way. I think it's mainly reserved for the ones who are crazy mentally or hide it underneath their skin.  

Today is Unofficial Day

Today, I celebrate something unofficially but yeah it's pretty significant I guess to my parents. Readers who are smart enough will know what I mean. Okay I was born this day, big deal right? I even have commenting privileges turned off so I don't need to hear any of that nonsense. 

Basically, it looks like I have those rare gems that happen once in awhile and will get someone to reply back to me. On this blog, I even have someone who replied to me too before I turned off commenting! On texting, I usually get a friend to reply back to me. It's just odd if you don't hear back from someone these days. I know one guy who will act like he is ignoring all your texts and still reply to you once in awhile. I am basically making fun of this guy for the most part and he doesn't have much of a social life so he probably feels stuck with me making fun of him and that's his main social contact via text. He claims in a few years everything will be getting better for him. I totally doubt it because he doesn't see it so clearly. His emotions are blinding him slowly into a long-term passive depression so he's crazy too!

Also, with preparing this post I'm really on something because I'm sixteen days ahead of schedule and that's how many I have written now. My average count is really looking to be maybe 1.5 posts a day now instead of just one. It's a decimal count since I like skip to a few days a week before I progress into writing again. 

Even if an emergency happens and I skip writing any more onto this blog, I am covered for at least two weeks now! What's pretty neat is that I don't know who is reading this and it doesn't matter. Maybe one of you think I'm crazy too but does it really matter to me? Not really. 

Finding New Hobby

Well, this may be a little shady but I'm not going to really share how to do this if anyone is interested on this blog. I don't want the responsibility of making a huge corporation with a lot of money angry for hooking others up. Another reason is basically I'm treating this to be like my ethically moral outlet while calling everyone who ticks me off crazy! I have no grudges against them because I feel bad for them already. It works for me superbly.

It's something to really think about right now with the ladies I'm associated with. I'm not treating my lady friends like they are my hobby but this is what I'm digressing to right now. My true hobby that I had in mind of doing instead is playing on my Nintendo Switch. There are over 3640 games now in a span of three years with many more announced titles headed their way. It's been very successful and so I want to commit some of my time to play the full version of all the decent titles out there.

There's no way I have the money to purchase all of it and then spend the time which would be insane and prevent me from trying to foster a love life which I value a whole lot more. If I can find a hot lady who really enjoys going all the way often and is so compatible with me, then yeah I struck reasonable gold. It's hard right now but I believe it's obtainable. It's like grinding on Animal Crossing and looking for that nice, big catch. I even had a dream recently that I was playing it and then a huge rare and exotic catch got away from me! I was pretty upset obviously and trying to backtrack what I did wrong and searching for it again.

I am able to come up with downloading some of these titles for free and I'm not going to detail how like I said. I risk getting banned from the Nintendo server if I'm ever caught and not going to discuss how I'm getting away with it right now. Anyhow, I plan to buy some of those well-reputable titles that I can't get and want to try playing with others online, if it isn't that possible to save myself time. Basically, I'm going to say that you need to buy two Nintendo Switch consoles for this awesome plan to work! It looks like if I keep on playing these games and have a decent knowledge of them then I'll just create a YouTube channel dedicated to the Switch. I think I'll even have a channel on Switch as well. It will be something fun to do I guess and I can see it working from my pretty persistent attitude. 

I don't care if I'm not successful but I'm just doing it for fun and will try my best to be entertaining. If I get dislikes, then I'll still be happy even if I'm reading bad comments. This would mean I have to come up with a nice intro that I could use for over the years and also an entertaining gimmick that I could be comfortable running with.  

Keeping It Going

Basically, I've been spending time from just playing online Poker, learning to trade currencies, and watching anime for my free time so far. I would like to work out and cook throughout the week though but I seem to just get too sleepy before I get to it. I guess I just want to add those two things then onto my repertoire that I already have going now. It's just a matter of focusing and committing for me and then it pretty much does the trick for me.

I think the negativity underneath me is something that I can take care of from just disciplining myself and keeping myself happy pretty much. I should just be praying to the Lord about it a lot and looking to have fun even though I'm pretty crazy in general. At the moment, it seems like if I talk about two nonsense topics which are crazy people in general and the girls I feel like I'm getting lucky with right now, then I'm going to see a cop driving around my vicinity at work during my lunch break. I go take a walk during that time after getting food in my stomach for a daily routine. I have been walking a lot faster these days so it's been pretty cool.

Avoiding Depression

It seems like the best way to get the mind off of hard times is to just pretty much maintain a positive attitude. For myself, I've learned to just flip on the switch to staying positive whenever I have to. I think it's just from having a ton of self-confidence while giving myself a hard time every once in a awhile and then grinding it out to the finish line. I believe that in time through hard work, it's going to happen sooner or later. What's so positive about this is that if I'm still working on something and end up dying for some reason sadly, then I'll still have been happy even though I didn't get anything done. This mentality of just pushing myself with a positive attitude is personally addictive for me. 

Knowing my personality a bit more now, maintaining this strong and positive attitude really just came from learning to have acceptance. How did I obtain acceptance? I don't really know exactly. It feels like it just happened after I went to a guy's talk about having a positive mind after understanding a little neuroscience. This guy's PowerPoint seriously changed my life around and from that point on, it's like I'm used to it now and a whole lot better. 

It looks like I've always had this optimistic feeling within me. I still have my slight struggles but I'm getting better at it. It's like having a major off day while playing online Poker and going through something rough as well. Just putting my hours in and committing to it while just learning to accept my outcome has helped massively. I've also learned that being happier can make you more productive and it's also easier to stay consistent with something.  

Fun Things To Commit To

I think the main fun things that I'm interested in doing is pretty much playing games on my Switch, playing songs on my piano, doing fun things with friends, and watching shows. I do think programming, playing Poker, and trading are fun professions so it takes up a good portion of my time. Also listening to the Bible is another thing in my life that I'm trying to humble myself enough to do. It's challenging but I'm still managing to hang in there. 

It looks like I've adapted a lot better and have a more healthier way of coping with stress these days. I'm also more accepting as well and willing to put in the work to improve myself while looking for an opening. Like I think this new girl at work is really hot and I'm interested in getting to know her more, but I'm just hanging in there but I guess eventually I'll start working my way in to talk to her and be friends even. It looks like I'm much more comfortable even though it looks like she's a little taller than me as well. 

Daily Life Routine

First thing I do after I wake up at around 4:15 am is go use the potty, take a shower, shave, put on my clothes, and then head out for work. Sometimes I will skip out on a shave or shower if I did it like the night before. I really like to take my sweet time so it takes me about an hour sometimes to get ready for work. I guess it's really early in the morning so I don't function that fast enough yet. It would be nice if I could cut it to no longer than thirty minutes daily. Maybe I could work on it starting tomorrow?

When I drive to work, I'm usually falling asleep so I have adopted chewing gum to help me out along the way. Once I get to work, I usually delete my e-mails and check up a little on how my trades are doing and start trying to answer questions to warm myself up. I also have a lot of questions throughout the day sometimes out of curiosity so I'll just google for information on anything and just read it while I'm grinding out my programming job. 

I find my job to be fulfilling for me and it's something that I really enjoy doing with getting the work done. I see that from focusing mainly, I'm just getting it done from just constantly testing what I programmed and perfecting the code to get the objective done. I even like to go above and beyond to challenge myself with adding in cool features besides just hanging in there. It's just fun and rewarding for me. I can see that I'm really meant to do this line of work. The only way to get better is to just keep on working hard at it. 

After my work is over, I just drive back and while commuting to home and back, I'm listening to the Bible. Recently, I have been making an effort to not swear while I'm by myself and make some funny moves while I'm a little stressed out from remembering some random junk in the past. I don't have a grudge with personal confusion as I used to. I'm not that mad anymore either so I have managed to resolve a lot of my personal issues lately.

When I get back home, I have been eating dinner and then playing some online Poker and trading while watching some anime. I would like to add in some cooking and working out regime on top of those things. I would also like to keep on planning fun things to do and just ask my lady friends to hang out with me for building confidence. I don't mind having fun with a few of my guy friends either, but it looks like I've been looking to spend time with some cute ladies who I'm interested in. Eventually, I will be trying to settle on a girlfriend and it looks like I'm going for that direction. Still, living with my parents and not being financially independent is a personal downfall for me that I'm working on honestly with doing my own side business.  Lastly, if I can make free time while not being exhausted and motivated at the moment, then I would like to complete my journey with doing my Master's online. 

Possibility With Love

I now understand something in my relationship with girls. In the past, this one lady kept on telling me that she appreciated me as an awesome friend and even told me she loved me a good deal at one point. I was questioning what she meant by this but yeah, it's pretty obvious that her intent was a little sneaky at first but she really did try to go out with me. I didn't pick up on it because I was trying to read between the lines besides asking her directly about it because I was just too shy and not even ready to accept whatever would happen. I think I just hung in there, but now I realize that she still loves me and sees me as one of her great friends which means that after she married, she decided to 'friend-zone' me if I ever come around to trying to chase after her. I don't plan on doing that because it's against my morals to chase after a married woman. It's not my thing.

It's not the end of the world from not being able to tie the knot with this awesome chick. I have another one to consider now! In like-wise fashion, I can see some similarities like she has said I'm a very good friend and appreciates me. This means there's room for growth in the relationship and she only feels comfortable associating with family and she sees me like one. I have matched her emotional level  and we've already been through a couple ups and downs which are enough, worldly reasons to not associate with each other anymore. I've learned to get past all of that and now love her true beautiful nature even through all the flaws. I can see this relationship being really something and our time hanging out together is really meaningful even though we do it through cordial means while being so close. 

New Theory

I guess this might work for me at a personal level from the way I'm seeing it now but my perspective is that when people are a little upset with me, they prefer to share their own thinking about it with me while ignoring possibilities that it could be a little off. The way I get through this annoyance is from just thinking and accepting that they are crazy, so there's no need to stay mad at them. I can justify this point and go all out usually all day with the other person staying quiet about it with me and probably thinking it's funny. It could pretty much be that they have accepted the way I have set my mind on things to.

It's probably going to be really hard to see without any solid examples, and I'm not going to really bother thinking about every event because I don't really care from thinking they are crazy! I have found something that really works for me in not being troubled by crazy people. It has simply happened from just accepting that they really are. They were crazy from just having been blinded by their own selfish ambitions and being so mad at me for believing others that I did something and will cause something to happen that they are a little paranoid about while also not really having anything to do with them personally. There's no reason to stay mad about it or even be resentful because I accept that they are just plain crazy! 

What I Have Been Doing

My life has been practically simple in that mainly my communication is just greetings with a few co-workers and then exchanging texts with a few good female friends. There's two I'm interested in and it looks like they are my choices to pick from right now. I don't really have any close conversations with guys anymore, but there is one guy who I have got close to but want to leave alone right now from believing that he's crazy!

It seems like my close circle is probably around five friends I can personally manage at a time. I mean it makes sense because others have their own thing to do while being ignorant to the little things and trying to live happy lives. I sort of fixate on a lot of these details from just finding my personal actions to always being important to consider. In raising my confidence level and getting over my short height complex, I have had to just accept that some people are crazy!   

Starting to Understand What I Need to Do

It looks like my trading style is starting to be effective and for the last two months, I pretty much let it go on its own for days without bothering to check it. Now I'm realizing as a swing trader, it would be effective if I looked to enter and close trades once in the morning and evening each. 

My online Poker playing skills are gradually getting to its goal and it's been fun so far. I still have quite a ways to go but I'm making progress with it as well. I think I seriously do have a side business that's in progress and will be something that I eventually engage in. My business is basically making money by outsmarting opponents in a fair exchange online. 

It looks like I'm starting to get bored with playing Animal Crossing now, so I can lay off of it more and do something that would be better for me. I do think cooking, working out, and trying to plan for things will be nice additions with what how I've been living so far.  

The Way Things Are

I don't think this blog of mine really serves any purpose except just for entertaining myself because I find it so fun to connect with this positive and humorous side of me, but at the same time I realize that it can sound very serious too for mostly others and not even be useful for them! It's basically a side of me that I'm connecting to and trying to tap into while being aware that I'm doing this consciously with a few readers.

I'm not even discouraged by seeing low number of visitors now, since I'm really used to this and there's probably going to be a lot of inconsistency with the usefulness for others in this blog. However, it does serve me greatly to just digress about anything and exercise some sort of creativity. Maybe, it's going to be pretty obvious to everyone now who gets to read this sentence that I don't want to get in trouble for doing this because this is a lot of fun to me, and I don't want to be known to the world just for having this secretive blog that I have open for those anonymous readers as well who could relate well to me. 

Good luck with that if there's someone out there who cares to still read these posts which might not be the greatest thing in the world but for me, it serves a strong purpose for me which is possibly to pump me up most of the time and also give me some positive inner laughs without really being a bother to anyone. It's mainly a boring thing that brings me a lot of entertainment value while also connecting to a random side of myself and to put all of it together in a logical and conversational way. 

Simple Detail To Adjust

With the last two posts, I'm writing this one right after it on the same day but each is going to be presented on a consecutive day later separately. Man, this was so cool to describe in words! Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty. Another slang term I picked up subconsciously while trying to steal ideas from currency traders but now I'm doing my own thing and trying to graduate with those concepts so I can get on to the next chapter which is being a professional making the big bucks while working so little!

It's just a matter of doing what you want to do while keeping a fresh and positive mind. Praying to God about it really makes it so wholesome while trying to fit all of this into His will. Like I'm praying for cooking so that I can end up serving delicious meals to those who were so unfortunate and poor to get something like it someday. It's so I could liven up their day for doing something so little but would just bring me so much happiness to get compliments from a stranger. I'm really an optimistic and relationship-orientated guy while God-fearing indeed even though it's questionable with my sins. I will humble myself even though it's possible to talk about how crazy I am and feel really proud of it! 

Just the way you word something can cause those emotional distress triggers. To be a master of it and write something so eloquent and beautiful and then to be well-known for it, it really isn't my calling. I'm not looking for that because it just doesn't bring me that much comfort. I must be really this guy who likes to make a difference to just ordinary people one person at a time because I'm so relationship focused. 

Seriously, Making Some Improvements

It looks like when I'm really in the mood then I can just naturally put off on other things which could turn out to be my own undoing. Something that's really cool is that I don't feel like I have this burden underneath me anymore. It might have been some psychological distress and I probably really was a candidate for getting some therapy of whatever kind, but I managed to put on a calm outer shell and keep it that well together even though I was screaming out underneath so many adolescent complaints right past my college years. 

When I was out of college, it wasn't really any different and I wasn't changing at all. I guess problems really started kicking in then so I had to start digging deeper into my soul. I can see how everything was meant to happen for me. It was all about finding personal acceptance with everything that's going on. I would try to block out the bad and keep the good and it got so obsessive like this that it probably was way overboard at times. I even dealt with a bunch of crazy people and they kept on coming at me with so much confusion. I'm now laughing about it and accept those crazy people without any resentment and while constantly filtering out my anger because there's really no point in staying mad at a crazy person! I'm so convinced that they are and can even make a strong case already about it which they most likely don't want to hear anyway. 

Subtle Changes

Today, it looks I'm really in the mood for doing some self-improvement work. This whole auto-suggestion thing powered by Google is pretty nice. I am practically writing an e-mail to myself and scheduling it to send on a certain day at the same time. This is how I'm giving the illusion that I'm posting everyday at the same time and might feel like it's never-ending so it's a freak of nature! 

Plus, doing all of this is fun and free so can't go wrong with that. Sure, I might have a decent amount of knowledge to put up a site and start blogging about things I know really well about but I prefer to not make money off of this right now. I just like this whole staying under the covers type of deal and to be someone's right hand man that he or she can look up to. Probably more like guys will relate to me really well and show some support while backing away from any type of conflict with me. These guys are gentlemen ladies! 

I ended up digressing for fun even though I wasn't really in the mood so it's like I snapped out of that rut and went into entertainment mode for myself! I don't really mind picking up on readers and just leaving it there because that's what I'm really trying to go for.  

Things I Would Like to Do

I'm about thirteen days ahead of schedule with this post now, so I'm going to just keep this around. It's pretty straight forward so let's get to it because I sort of want to do this to put into some perspective and so I can pray about it later because I really should. I'm trying to not go back on what I tried to preach about praying and going after being a part of God's wonderful plan. 

I'm a little weirdo and really short guy so I'm trying to make money while outsmarting opponents at some random game like trading currency and ahem, Poker. Both of them are a game of skill and chance. The feelings of getting beat really sucks! Okay, I would like to check up on how my currency trades are doing once in the morning and evening because it's like I'm on my last month of testing now and hopefully, I can put together another consistent run and then just let it be. Let it be, drink words of wisdom, just let it be! 

I'm so tired and losing focus but I'm playing Animal Crossing and then some evening time online Poker and then getting ready for sleeping. I'm trying to make plans on what to also cook and work out regularly. Along with that, I have some online classes for working towards a Master's Degree. It's a finish at your own pace type of program so I've been really taking my sweet time. I do have growing taller stretches as well along with some growth spray to keep on using past my 40s just to see what happens, even if it's nothing. Might as well try to paint the barn by putting on my manly makeup! 

Finding Lack of Correlation

Nowadays, I don't think the level of naughtiness that I put on here really has anything to deal with me seeing cops that day. I guess I'm just more sensitive about what I put on this blog. Two people did claim I'm some sort of terrorist after going crazy from what I texted them. One guy is more settled in and acting a lot more chill with me even though he put a restraining order on me. He ended up hugging me too when I met him, so it's hard not to laugh about it and keep any grudges with him. He's acting more sane but yeah, he was crazy and is more nicer with me now. I guess he's fine even though he's still mad underneath and feeling bad about what he did to me. It was fun to let things go and I guess parting ways peacefully and on friendly terms is better. I'm still the same old cool and crazy cat!  

Personal Update

By the time this post makes its way, Mother's Day will be over. I need to go work on buying a present for her. The personality of girls is pretty interesting in that some are more laid back than others, but I guess that's normal. I'm thinking about girls while knowing it's supposed to be Mother's Day that's coming up! 

Well, it did do the job of making me laugh instead of talking about my boring progress. I'm just digressing again!   

Interesting Dream

I finally had a dream where I ended up talking to a couple people who have a grudge on me and patching things up with them. With the lady I talked to, she was really nice in my dream and talked about her concerns with me. I seemed to get along just fine with her. Next I went to go talk to an unknown face who is a guy and there was a lot of conflict still like he was trying to force me physically to get away from him. I feel a little bad for doing this but I ended up overpowering him in my dream and then woke up.

I think this seems very realistic in that I have learned to be a much more charming guy while dealing with ladies, but I still really have no clue how to approach those guys. Anyway, I have been trying to spend more time with females since I just like being around them more than guys right now. It's probably because my repressed soul wants to get married to a hot lady some day and to hopefully enjoy a lot of recreational love making while hoping to never get bored of it. I want to go all the way and do it for mainly fun in marriage and hope I meet somebody for this. This is pretty much my dating profile description that I need to still update. 

Honestly, I don't think looks really matter that much to me now. I would like to center more on having fun and finding a lady who can keep up with me while being a darling. I have hung out with physically imposing ladies like they are super tall and overweight but when they shared photos with me of when they were much younger, boy they were really hot. I'm not sure I want to be with a really tall and overweight lady who could pretty much pass for being the man of the house in our marriage. 

Pretty much, I have two Asian ladies to choose from right now and that's what it seems. Southeastern Asian ladies can be seen like hot commodities to average guys out there and that's what I have before me right now. I was a pretty good looking short guy when I was a lot younger but struggled from being so shy and having self-confidence. It was a work in progress that I had to deal with and my flaw was I didn't want to upset crazy people, which I kept on inadvertently doing. It was difficult to overcome, but what has helped me so much is just accepting they are crazy and feeling bad for them. I am totally convinced they are crazy, so there's no need to feel any resentment or let any anger stick around.  

Keeping A Happy Mind

Lately, I'm pretty much right there performing at a regular professional level. It's nothing stellar and noteworthy but my chances of doing well increase if I end up focusing and putting more work into it. Since I feel lucky to be paid for doing something with making a living, I'm trying to do something on the side to make it easier on me. I do see it as a possibility and it can get pretty hard so having this mentally tough mind is necessary to get somewhere. 

I seriously can't keep a grudge on people anymore, since my confidence is pretty high. I'm a lot more careful about how I conduct myself around them though because I think they are crazy! This mentality really works for me and I get to stay assertive even when I'm feeling really toyed with. 

I don't feel so much like something is holding me back anymore. It's just a matter of putting in the work and what's so great about it, is that it's really fun for me these days to get it done. It's enjoyable for me and I don't mind so much about it. I'm not so worried about becoming a millionaire with a lot of free time on my hands. I will still pay my taxes and try to cut corners just like any smart businessman would try to do. Ethically speaking, it's a game of wins and losses for me and that's the business I'm looking to jump into while of course going for huge wins that qualify for me to be in the rich bracket. It's hard work with mental consistency after realizing what the right thing to do is, along with constantly looking to self-improve. I'm pretty excited to just keep on trying even if I'm a nobody. I feel comfortable and at peace with where I'm at with myself right now. 

Maintaining Goals

It looks like my mind has become so opened up and accepting at the same time. I've learned to really communicate with the lady friends I like and it seems like there's definitely a possibility now of actually being together finally with one of them. What really helps out is that I don't really mind if she doesn't feel happy about the thought of being with me and will be a gentleman about it. 

It's helped me so much to build my personal confidence and to also approach it with how I think people are crazy if they are making me so mad for any reason. It basically keeps me from acting out in frustration because the other person is already crazy, so there's no point of doing it and also I feel pity for that individual. It really doesn't matter if they are even my supervisors and bosses because I still feel the same way about it. 

Being Rewarded With Effort And Time

I think consistency brings great dividends in the end and stopping it will only bring much more misery later on. I can understand how the stress can add up or maybe it's just personal pride with thinking how one can make up for it later on, but when that goes out the window, here comes the lack of self-confidence. I think this happened to my lady best friend. Now, I realize we could be more than just friends because she's grown a lot on me and it's really fun to do things with her. 

I also have another option with another pretty lady too! I have two ladies to choose between now and when there's signs of doubt, I just end up laughing about it and accepting how it went. It seems like I'm able to reset and play again though whenever I need to with them and they are still okay with me. Overall, it's a lot of fun to be honest and I'm understanding that you don't have to act like you are going all out most of the time to survive something. Even when you are in the competition of your life, I think it's great to reflect on what got you there and try to make your best footing. There can only be one standing, so I accept with not being that winner on a cook off show!  

I'm totally okay with people being better than me because it's not about that in general now. It's more about being self-aware and conscious with myself and practicing with what I enjoy doing and striving to be the best and even go beyond it with the human spirit that lies underneath. It's a really beautiful feeling actually. I really feel like I'm living the best I could right now and appreciating what this life has offered me and to even be thankful for the Lord and to have been awakened to enjoy and take a part of His transcending grace and overflowing love for us all. 

Understanding Mental Toughness

I think mental toughness occurs from being a positive person in general. I'm basically laughing at a lot of things that look like it's giving me a hard time now and over all the little things as well. I've learned to channel my anger or frustrations these days from just keeping it there and not letting it turn into a grudge by calling the other person crazy! By labeling the person to be crazy who is really ticking me off for any reason, I feel pity on that poor soul and so I don't need to feel any grudge for him or her. I can hope for him or her to get better and communicate in that manner while having room to laugh about it behind their backs later and no one else having to know about it. 

When someone else does that to me, I naturally give him or her a hard time. It's just how it's usually been for me. There are a few rare exceptional individuals I came across of all the people I know. It's like grinding for sunken treasure on a fun RPG and coming across a valuable item will not happen as often in percentages because of the common ones showing up. They exist out there like a gorgeous woman willingly chasing after an ugly man! It's just that the percentages aren't that high but if an ugly man does enough searching, then there he has it going for him.

Current Schedule Update

Right now, I'm having fun at home with playing this really addictive video game and it's just a simulation one. It's starting to get a little boring from being so repetitive now but it is fun doing the building and designing parts of it. It's a very stimulating and artistic game. It's like I can leave whenever I want to and pick up again just like real life so it's convenient to strive to play while satisfying some of my inner ambitions while having fun. 

I guess it's not really a bad thing then until I start getting really bored of it and then I'll come up with something else to do. I think I just need to give myself a gentle nudge with the things that I would like to do because it's so easy for me to start another personal complex. Mainly, I've learned that being assertive is really helpful and calling anything crazy that pretty much makes me mad keeps me from staying mad because I feel pity while being assertive right after labeling them that word. I think my parents are crazy, but they seem to not be confrontational so much with me anymore. I also think a manager at work is really crazy so I don't resent him for making me do something that he would be too old, impatient, and lazy to complete by himself! I actually take upon it as a job and something you have to do to help keep the vessel running, so no offense really taken with that crazy old man. 

Coming to Terms while Staying Kind to Self

It's pretty crazy how I can just become impulsive and start acting loony when I'm all by myself and feel like no one is watching me. The most crazy thing I do is just say a cuss word while talking to myself and I still think I said too much, since I like to carry this image of never having said a cuss word in my life. Well, that would be a lie and I admit that I'm a closet swearer. I want to fix this aspect with myself and exploring why I'm crazy like this is that I'm having trouble accepting my flashbacks of how I said something embarrassing or did something while feeling really pressured and it came out the wrong way. I do those things because I'm trying to get myself laughs, but then it does always come across as being wrong to a few crazy people out there too.

I'm going to try being more positive about this because I don't like cussing in general. I don't even do it around people, but then when I feel like there's no one around and I'm just there by myself, I become crazy in a verbal manner. I'm saying I'm being crazy because this is starting to annoy me! I'm going to commit to just absorbing all that negative energy now and commit to staying positive at a full scale mentally, spiritually, and physically. I want to be so in self-control and be in peace with myself and solve problems when I really have to. I think it really starts with recognizing my own triggers and giving myself a moment to double check my outgoing emotions and actions. It's pretty easy to do for me because I just don't want to let myself down and I've felt bad enough that I still remember the pain but I don't have a grudge with myself, so it's like I turn it into having a good time shortly after, most of the time.  

Another thing is to not put my hands in motion, like showing my middle finger to nobody and fist bump objects like you do with friends while I'm pretty mad. I've learned that it really hurts and is pretty stupid to punch something really hard when you are mad and I guess I'm still in control with myself so it's a good thing then but I want to really let this stuff go while staying kind in general. 

Things to Add on To

I just noticed with standard procedure of capitalizing the title of an essay, you lowercase the 'to' in an infinitive ( I want to add). An infinitive is the base word of a verb so for example -s, -ed, -ing aren't being used. The first rule is to capitalize the first and last word no matter what, so I felt like adding in 'To' at the end of my title for today's post which I have written after finishing two posts already! I'm still on a roll, man.

Trying to evoke laughs is still fun even though I can't see the reader's face. I'm just assuming it went well since it was so fun to try and was responded back to with no complaints about it. It's the power of suggestive imagination and can bring in the big bucks for all those talented authors out there.

With my current routine, I'm looking to do some cooking and working out a bit more besides just doing cardio of walking roughly two miles a day and on Saturdays, doing trail running of eight miles to a well-preserved natural lake with cool ducks unafraid of so many people who visit it on the weekends. In addition since I had to finish the sentence, I'm trying to incorporate a growing taller stretching routine with yoga stretches that supposedly make you appear taller. I permanently added only 1/2 of an inch at around age 26 from religiously following the uncomfortable regime for several months. It's a lot of stretching like twenty minutes daily! There's also a growth spray made up of amino acids that would go on your joints before you go to bed and supposedly stimulates growth hormone. I'm willing to try it out even past the age 40, just to see what happens even if it's nothing with money and time wasted.

I'm playing the piano and having a blast while having completely finished with writing a love song. I'm pretty stubborn with holding on to the lyrics and it's toned down a lot to a more manageable melody. The lyrics and tune go through interesting changes so it's like a song with three acts and will take about four minutes to get through all of it. I even bust some high notes because I have to!

Along with managing the Coronavirus by like buying additional masks and getting refunds from trips that have to be canceled, I also have an online Master's degree program that I decided to pay for and is a finish at your own pace curriculum, while being very strict on midterm exam policies. 

Establishing a Happy and Manageable Routine

I just did a little look up on how to capitalize an essay title, and it used to be something I had a really hard time figuring out on my own for the last twenty years. Just like that, in a matter of seconds after googling for it, I had my answer and the way I titled it for an essay now has the proper capitalization!

I'm really using a search engine to my benefit and even overhyped about how I could type it on the smartphone I have now too. This convenience of gathering information was probably the dreams of the pioneers who invented search engines, and it was probably Google who came up with the first, smart business plan and then conquered Netscape which couldn't compete against Internet Explorer. I think the problem with those cool Internet browsers is that it's such a hassle to download them and Windows comes pre-stocked with Internet Explorer so might as well make it the most commonly used one in the world!

It's just the psychology of convenience and how it's really difficult to gain something from having to put in the time and that it may not even be that worthwhile to someone nor interesting to stick with all of that hassle and stress of not knowing what to do. I have even taught a couple friends how to use a computer and it would take time on the go to download my favorite browser so I would demonstrate while using the one that's already there, whether it's a Mac or PC. 

It is pretty annoying in how dealing with having tutored a couple older ladies for free from the boomer generation, they just keep on being forgetful of what you have to do. Even a professional manager I worked with on a side project had this programmer's block and couldn't really figure it out. It really is a lot of sorting through details and takes awhile to get into the mind of how it's done and going through fixing the bugs while adding on things you missed on the fly with your powerful recalling skills.       

Things To Adjust In

Well, I guess it's not incredibly healthy to drive while sleepy and I did chew gum while driving to work really early in the morning. I think I'll just have to sleep a little earlier this time. I have been watching this cool anime, and I'm not sure I should share my entertainment values on this blog right now. The show is about this boy who ends up falling for a weird and cute chick who was born through aliens and has the same exact DNA has humans. She can even marry and give birth to regular humans and her purpose was to be like an ambassador or spy for her kind, even though her knowledge of whereabouts was completely wiped at birth. 

Pretty interesting dynamic because the creators made this chick to be a really nice person in the show! What's so interesting about the show, is that it explores the philosophy of existentialism while being entertaining. Another theme is having conflicted conscience from being ordered to do something and then wanting to atone for it. I guess overall, no matter how entertaining it is and knowing where my heart's at right now, I just really want to be of help really to others with places that nobody really can see and is so individualized that it's like small and won't ever be noticed by anyone except for the person you helped and then maybe he or she will end up forgetting about you later, but I'm not in it for any reward because of just who I am. Maybe, I just like being this hero who never gets any credit and being so influential and helpful to friends. 

Staying On Track

From what I understand now, I think being selfish will just lead to depression in the end anyway. For a crazy guy I know, it's really hard for him to get a lot done from just not being that smart so with the selfish things he holds onto and grudges he can't let go of; yeah, he would really benefit from learning to humble himself besides doing his personal ritual that serves to pump him up but not add on anything useful from lacking a hard work ethic. With this guy, I can see him being really being abusive with the powers that are given to him, and I'm glad the forces of nature will hold him back for possibly the rest of his life. I still text him a lot to tell him that I hope he improves as a person, while teasing him. 

I think it really does come down to personal stability and putting in a lot of work while staying focused and motivated. A lot of mistakes constantly happen and it's even painful but just plowing through it with ambition and not letting up is really setting yourself up for a nice reward in the end! I think this is necessary to do for being part of God's plan. It pretty much starts with what you are into and then praying about it, while seeking to act upon the Lord's will. The Bible does recommend setting aside a day of rest in complete honor of the Lord, so like going to church for a day of worship even though I've felt like it's still work to wrestle with theology and trying to stay awake during sermons. 

The Lord truly knows what makes a devoted believer happy. Only to submit to His ways and trust in Him, can really things that go against our nature really occur. It really comes down to values doesn't it in the end for satisfaction. Are you really happy being a minimalist, somewhere in between, or going after a high quality of life? It really comes down to your heart and how you set your relationship to being with the Lord. 

Committing To The Plan

Right now, I guess I feel the most motivated to keep on growing to reach financial independence and so I can finally move out of my parent's home and go do something better. By having financial independence, I won't feel so bad about marrying someone out of my race if it happens and needing to ask my parents for anything especially money. I believe that my parents are very ethnocentric and even though I'm open to marrying someone in my race, I don't believe it's the right view so I'm willing to work on myself to reach this independent level even if my personal happiness is being sacrificed. 

In a way, I still honor my parent's belief system but I don't see it as being anything that bad to go against even if it offends them so might as well focus on challenging myself to get to this point. I think I'm also open to not having kids either anyway, but still want to sign up for having a great sex life in marriage or until I get bored about it. I'm not sure I ever will but it would be interesting to find out and then to have a great companion in the form of spouse to go wherever the road leads to.

It really comes down to just finding the right person and taking my time for me. I have been putting in a lot of work on myself without paying for a therapist, so I'm pretty lucky that I can be very introspective and open about it. 

Staying Dedicated

I have been thinking to myself how it would be so hot to have this gorgeous body from working out and putting in a lot of good nutrients from cooking well and then to experience a lot of fun love making with someone I end up marrying. Maybe, the looks department is something I can't acquire that easily and it's good how I learned to be accepting and look more at the lady's insides. It's still nice to have someone and be totally comfortable inside and out with her, while staying confident even with others saying bad stuff about you behind your back related to any shallow things. I don't think I need to be driven crazy by it in the first place. 

Since I think of myself as a really short guy sometimes, I need to find satisfaction from elsewhere besides seeking for people expressing their recognition to me. It's just through hard work and passion, while making meaningful contributions that matter more to me even if others would think I'm crazy as a result. I find working at this personal confidence is what's about and pushing myself to go after reaching wonderful goals. I think I'm ultimately like a brother to most ladies in the end, but it's still fun to be able to hang out and have meaningful conversations. I don't have any problems with it so much anymore with how I turned out on the outside, even if there are some who may have a problem with it. I think they are crazy though if they act like they can't be friends with me, but I don't have any grudge with them since I'm the one who wants to always be friends, no matter what the circumstance is. 

Channeling Concentration and Effort

Yesterday which was a Sunday by the time I'm writing this, it seems like it was a minor drag to pay the bills for me. I'm starting to get pretty bored just sitting around at my computer watching entertaining videos. I think it's better that I just keep myself occupied with grown up things and focus on things that I want to get better at. 

A few things I'm starting to recall is that there's really not point in having a grudge with crazy people and since I want to get along with people, it's like if they say something to me then I'm going to counter and make them grimace for saying anything stupid about me. Basically, I have accepted that they are being crazy and don't really hold anything against them so I don't need to do anything that would resemble a grudge. I have found this method of thinking about others to work really well for me!

I have dealing with some procrastination like I know it's something that I need to take care of but I just kept on wanting to put it off. I think with things like these I'm just going to have to do it out of personal discipline. It was relieving to get it done finally and at least I made the day memorable for me with doing something more meaningful even if it's something really normal that everybody else would do. 

Keeping Things In Order

I think the main thing for me is to pretty much keep myself reminded, and it's true with how I can't do everything on my own. My time is so limited, and I just want to work hard on something and obtain it. I'm ready to just accept how things are and go from there now. 

With the Lord being awesome, I would really like to keep on trying to pick up on Scriptures whenever I'm just able to open myself to it. I'm just listening to a Bible audio repetitively and trying to retain it. I have lost count of how many times I have put it on and just let my mind wander while letting it go from Genesis to Revelations. It's pretty much the only thing I try to listen to while driving. I can easily spend about ten hours a week in my car just to commute through traffic. I'm still trying to make strides with it.

I guess that's what really a lot about my life is about, which is just striving after something and being close to it but just not reaching it yet. I think it's just a matter of commitment, focus, and just continuously working at it while keeping a healthy and patient mind about it. It's really helpful to just have this winning attitude. I think that's what I'm really looking forward to overall. 

Starting To Just Go Figure

Practically from trying to be a no nonsense person, I keep forgetting on doing things because mainly, I'm interested in having fun to the point that maybe I want to put off on acknowledging the Lord from being so forgetful. Yet, whenever I take a few seconds to think about it, I just can't help feel the love from the grace Christ has provided me. 

Yesterday, I realized that I was chasing after the Lord's heart by messaging a long lost friend who has turned into an acquaintance I haven't talked to in like ten years. She still remembers me and even went along with the grudged attitude a small church crowd had for me, which is because they are crazy and something to totally laugh about now. I don't know how people I told outside the church started laughing about it, which I'm sure would also affect these crazy people's egos unless they are able to repent of it. I'm sure they could because it's really no big deal with what I did in the end from not having done anything totally wrong while trying to conduct myself to the best of my ability and with humbleness. They were just crazy and kept on telling me I wasn't doing anything wrong and holding a grudge while telling me they had nothing against me. It was really incinerating but I don't hold any grudges back with them doing that to me. I learned a long time ago to value friendships, no matter how annoying or dorky they can be.

Overall, I can tell she's still a pretty dainty lady and takes responsibility to do her part from feeling attracted to the Lord's work. Along with her personal feelings aside of worrying and not being sure of what I'm about, I give her a run for her money but she possesses a lot of grit and commendable poise. She's practically awesome in my view since she has been able to consistently share with me encouraging devotionals that she likes to read. A few of them have been challenging and could have been that she was also testing to see if I would run away, but I didn't and received it with open arms which probably could have shocked her. She isn't perfect by any means, but she does feel happy to be in her place after I mentioned to her that I think the Lord used her to help me out and gave her my blessing.   

Living Out A Routine

By dealing in my faith and having fun with my spiritual gifts of shepherding, mercy, and encouragement, I do a lot of texting in these times and just recently, I started to patch things up by calling some people I know crazy and that I'm putting aside my personal issues with them. The cool part is that I don't really care to talk behind their backs and even told them so because I believe in this direct exchange with one another and saying what you need to say. Even if I'm going to say something about them while mad and they aren't around, I like to be honest and blunt about it with others and admit to it even in front of them. I still want to have a decent relationship because I love friendships no matter how annoying it gets for me. It's just one of my undeniably stubborn traits.

Therefore, I get mad at stupid and crazy actions I perceive upon myself when it comes to relationships but still never hold a grudge with the person. I can understand now that they are doing it because they are crazy and even holding a grudge with me because of my wild and annoying antics! I try my best to not be annoying and keep a working relationship. Sometimes, it's just too much for them and they just blow up and can't let it go until they realize how stupid everything is and even able to laugh it off while not caring about how they were mean to me from being so mad. It seems like I don't really care and act like it still so it makes sense. I am mad though, but willing to still work with them at the same time. It's just that they are being crazy and it's something I have learned to finally accept even though I didn't want to all this time. It's basically a very smart move for me.