Fending Off Boredom With Discipline

I'm the type who doesn't like sitting around forever, so I have to literally get to doing something instead of just sitting there for hours and days because that will make me feel a burning sensation of depression and lack of fulfillment. I remember when Washington complained behind my back that when I wrote that I was feeling like burning buildings- he automatically complained that I was a terrorist and proceeded to place a restraining order on me. I used to feel really devastated and frustrated over not understanding what was making him tick, but then again the war on terror is over at Afghanistan and Iraq. The last I heard from Washington was that he served in the marines or army after resigning his job which he willfully did, but I feel that he was neglecting his position at the job and being more distracted psychologically over personal issues rather than taking a mature approach with himself. He was so dumb because he came up to me and talked to me after putting a restraining order on me. What a dummy! You don't talk to someone you put a restraining order on.

The girl who put a restraining order on me was forced to talk to me, and she showed signs of being flirtatious with me. Okay, a restraining order on someone means that you shouldn't really talk to them. So these restraining orders are like not the worst thing for me and if I go up and waste my time talking to people who removed me from their Facebook list which is so funny to me now for any reason that they want to convey- whether they say anything or not, I may feel a little ticked off but then again I have so much confidence in my drives now that I should just be myself and be honest at least to the fullest degree without being afraid of anything and just go to that direction and then just be like they are a waste of time if they want to force me out of there. I have a plan now so I have a choice here in adding more insult to their injuries through honesty or just continuing along. It doesn't matter what I do to them now and what they do is so insignificant, even if they were to apologize to me it would be so insignificant. They are very small and insignificant people with jobs that actually sort of suck in a not so cool location. They are just leading lives with ups and downs and no longer possess that special aroma that you find in super good people. It's just the way it is; things will never change.

How Business Is Going

I'm realizing that being patient and working on something could actually be a lot of fun. The anticipation that comes out of doing something and obtaining a nice outcome is very good reinforcement. I'm pretty used to feeling letdown with myself now, and I'm not letting that emotion really get the best of me anymore now.

I'm pretty much going back to my computer science roots and studying this cool Verizon platform called Android, which is used to develop apps on the latest smart phones. I'm learning to use the functions to code some game with a group of other programmers. I'm working on designing the back end technology which will be responsible for powering the software. I might actually get involved with every aspect of the game development. So it's just a hobby for me right now and it's something to keep my mind sharp and occupied on something.

I'm already feeling let down with the employers because they are only going to hire people with proven payroll experience because they want them to start at a productive state right away. I might as well just start my own business and gain experience that way now. I'm going to take a more bolder approach so that I don't have to worry about never being hired again and run my own I.T. business.

Going To Try Something Impossible

I'm going to try to forget about marrying an attractive woman around my age and whose just about smaller than me. I'm saying this while laughing because it's true that I do have these feelings of getting married. In other words, I'm going to try to not to worry about it anymore. I just want to live a very honest life now and put my trust in Jesus through the Word of God.

I don't really care if a person has a problem with me now because I'm going to get around to understanding her and still get along with her even if it's going to look a little forceful on my end. I'm not going to push her around or anything in the end. For me, I really lose my drive to have a grudge on someone by expressing myself in a confident, intelligent, and blunt manner. Most likely, it gets me thinking about how funny the person is with her motives to make me indirectly feel frustrated. It doesn't matter how stupid the person acts with me. I will get around to not caring about her annoyance anymore.

I'm pretty much becoming set because it's going to be a period where a person won't be able to do anything to me to make me jealous or feeling selfish about something now. For example, I don't worry about losing a job because of a jerk who wants to be on the last step of the ladder because I'm going to be a professional trader so that means if I do lose a conventional job, I don't have to worry because I have an innovative job and not care whose fault it is. Dude, if I can learn to respect silly people who place restraining orders on me then I think there's really nothing a person can do to get me from succeeding.

Well, I don't want to go out making someone so angry that he decides to kill me. I'd rather let that person laugh his way out of having any spitefulness with me. Celebrating in death because I wasn't the one to do it to myself? That's something to think about because I am a firm believer of heaven that the Bible describes.

So ultimately, the person who should matter the most is you because that's the way it should be. Yes, just that getting to know God fully is something that could also help you through your struggles in life like the girl Annie Tran over at Hope of God Church L.A. I have admitted to having regrets over fostering a physical attraction to her. That was some weird stuff that I went through, but yeah, I think I'm over it and I hear she's getting married. She did so much crying and got me feeling a little mad but now that I think about it, she might have had some unresolved things in her life that she wants to cope with by just crying about it with her honest expressions. There's nothing wrong over mourning with stuff and looks like we are just not compatible and that makes things really weird when you get those physical attraction feelings. I wasn't sure about it in the beginning but my thoughts sort of settled down. I would have done this anyway because it's my own natural thing to do wherever I'm at, so some of the silly people who thought it was great to force me to leave so that I would function better was far from the truth with getting to know me. I'm thinking about seriously going back to just foil their plans with anything bad by just being brutally honest with them. I'm not going to hold anything back and just be fully truthful which might really give them some shock and feelings of wanting to avoid doing something bad to me. I have a very normal life, so yeah, I'm all good for being super honest.

Guy Point A Gun At Me Image

Right now, I'm referring to someone who I was afraid of for a little bit because I kept on picturing him pointing a gun at me and wanting to shoot me because of my attempts to talk to him. This person is Jarred Taing of Hope of God Church L.A. He is going on vacation with a Christopher Kuch at the same church and possibly with Julio to somewhere in Big Bear soon. Big Bear during the summer? I guess Julio thought it was going to be really soon but looks like they may postpone it for the winter.

Getting back to this imagination of Jarred Taing pointing a gun at me, my fantasy is continuously ending with me smiling at him and walking up to him shooting a machine gun and bullets at me. I shield them like super man does, walk up closely to him, and then slap him and he falls down and stops shooting. Pretty interesting for Jarred right? No?

I Feel Bad For Them

I feel really sorry for them and it's sort of funny with me. I know waking early in the morning at this new home I'm residing in, which is a pretty nice upgrade compared from the last home I was in, I was hearing the alarm going off in a weird way. I really need call up the security company again and see what's up with the alarm. I'm also used to waking up early now because I want to study in the morning. Yeah, studying at 6:30 am and then going to sleep again when my brain gets tired is a pretty nice life.

I Have To Go Back

There really isn't any stake for me in going back and that I see it as them being a waste of time if they are going to the worst lengths like putting a restraining order on me because I'll put one back on them and let them know they are a waste of time to me. I feel like I will have a lot of satisfaction talking to them and being brutally honest with them, so whatever happens there's nothing really important going off and I'm letting go of any grudges that I'm feeling. I really don't care how some people see me anymore; I know that I want to work hard and donate money and continue to study God's Word.

I pretty much have to go back now to finish what they started and to spill out every honest comment with them. I'm pretty much going to sound really bad with them and looks like they might not be able to handle it and then want to put another restraining order on me. In this case, I'm going to let them know that I'll put a restraining order on them back because they are a waste of time. Anyone can put a restraining order on anybody they want to. Having full honesty and being upfront about it without holding anything back is pretty much my adopted procedure that's going to really be intentionally hurtful with them. In the beginning, they kept on hanging on to something they wanted to overshadow me with, and I couldn't get through to them. They are not going to see things pretty anyway because they want to be like the greatest critic with me and have a grudge with me, so I might as well be the most honest that I can be and act naturally from this honesty by letting them know. If it's super horrible which they are going to state then they are going to pretty much like have a run for their money because I'm going to make their lives miserable because they are not being able to let go of something. They stated they wanted to help me but went ballistic and couldn't handle themselves very well with me being around. Supposedly I heard that the half of them are in a relationship already, and I don't have any interest in pursuing after any one of them especially the boys. I told Julio that I would put my arms around the guys (Chris and Jarred) and let the beautiful little kids watch the spectacle. I also heard that they are going to Big Bear with Julio, which I'm really surprised to hear but I'm not feeling left out anymore and feeling this increasing amplitude of dissatisfaction with them that I just need to spill every honest word with them now.

I normally wouldn't do all that I'm stating because I didn't do it in the beginning, so this new method is going to sound very scary with them that they are not going to be able to anything now. Looks like in the end, I may actually gain everything and they will be losing something. Like if they go to a certain restaurant, I could always lead a group of friends to go where they are some other time, if I really like the place. If they go snowboarding, I could also go with another group of friends. If nobody would go and I want to go, I really have no problems with going by myself now. I don't really feel left out and this dissatisfaction I was feeling was not about that with them. It was because they started something that they couldn't finish and I was willing to change for them. Now, I'm going back to be fully honest to be with the greatest defense. The greatest defense is offense. They are going to get a full blast from me now and not be able to do anything; just watch and see because it will come someday for them. My friend asks me "What if there will be only like three of them left?" They are not going to be at full strength and when I approach the people who left if I see them at the church visiting once or twice, they may actually be shrugging their shoulders when they see me inflicting the others with honest and harsh words. If they don't and want to act ballistic by calling the cops, I will leave and do this honesty act multiple times and then if they put a restraining order on me, I'll put one back on them stating they are a waste of time. Before I do all this, I'm going to let them know this plan. This plan is going to inhibit them from doing anything to me and force them to think about how to treat others when a future bad time arises and that they are probably not going to see themselves as leaders in the period of time and just bystanders which makes things easier on everybody else, especially me.

Analysis of Resume

The definition of a resume is quite simply a summary of your academic and work experiences. Keeping that in mind, I conjured up from scratch a resume and cover letter but felt it was too valuable to throw out for myself. I realize that I can't find any desirable position with it and living on today's times so I will have to create it myself by taking on a whole new level of responsibility- becoming an entrepreneur. I feel like I need to prepare myself very heavily and also invest in an affordable adviser / mentor  who could help me get started.

What I learned through education is just commitment to succeed and to make longer strides at obtaining a purpose. I'm pretty much an average level intellect and think all it requires to succeed is to put in the time and right attitude to get there. If I succeed in this, I will definitely obtain something valuable for myself and have fun with some people who were acting a little off with me and failed to comprehend some things in life. I'm pretty much thinking like a grown up now, and I do realize that I do have a sense of humor that could turn the tables around for people who thought giving me a hard time was the right thing to do. I guess the reason why they acted silly was because they felt I could be a very successful person and really respected as well. 

Resume and Cover Letter From Scratch

CCIE and MCP Certifications

Computer Science Society (2 years)
Served as President and Vice President. Allocated budget plans successfully. Edited website on Unix Server using a FTP software.

DRMC Volunteer (1 year)
Assisted I.T. Department by organizing binders alphabetically. Assisted in Data Entry of volunteers.

Forex Trading (Ongoing)
Devoted to succeeding in the mastering of techniques to becoming a professional trader.

commission-based Sales
Sold Cutco products (1 month), new and used vehicles (1 month) with outdated Automotive Sales certificate, made secretive audit reports for some money, and experienced all-around poker player. Installing new computer hardware professionally. (1 day) Finished an online course of medical transcription with perfect score.

Apprenticeship Program (1 month)
Worked at a school assisting with installing network cables. Expressed interest in changing occupations and left program.

Q/A Tester (3 months)
Filed reports and discovered two major glitches.

Evangelism
Substantial knowledge of Christianity. Experience with door-to-door evangelism and student interactions.

Commercial Driving
Obtained permits to drive trucks and school buses.

Freight Forwarder (1 year)
Filed papers for U.S. Customs and released shipping holds while assisting to expedite shipments for companies. Attempted to avoid frustrations of other shippers, who had a tendency to be under a lot of stress.

A.A. in General Education and B.S. in Computer Science with heavy emphasis on math.


To the seeking employer,

Thank you for noticing this application as I may have already contacted you regarding the status of a job opening. My experience level is currently limited as I tried to find fulfillment in my limited positions and could not take off desirably. My interest is to be a hard working and deeply committed individual who can work through hardships and be an asset who would bring profit to an organization. My endeavors are to provide a good and honest impression of my maturing ability and to advance to the next stage of the application process.

Sincerely,
Earl

Plenty Of Opportunity Yet Unqualified

I'm so sad because I know I can whoop the competition but employers want to see that you were on a payroll for 5 years on a related job for the I.T. industry. When Joe the guy who got me fired from a construction job said that network engineering industry was saturated, that's a bunch of a baloney. There's plenty out there with good pay just that they want you to have several years of experience and that once you get your foot in the door, there's opportunity to get to the coveted 100 K salary after putting some years into it. The guy was so ignorant and I could just call him up and yell at him for all I care, but I don't want to because I'm happy with everything that I tried now. I see his life as a current mess, and I seriously would tell him if he thinks otherwise so I'm being fully blunt about it.

There's no point for me to go after my dream I.T. job unless I create my own business out of it because all those companies want you to have at least 5 years and want to start you in a productive state already. I'm happy for having put myself into some business-related debt for at least trying. I'm done by a year's pay and could get bailed out by doing truck driving, but that's something to think about when I get really desperate. Right now, I feel that I have another outlet which is becoming a professional trader which is pretty difficult but I do enjoy it so maybe that's going to my break away point from being unemployed now.

Acted Really Human

After all this time in dealing with some circumstance regarding two weird and botched civil restraining orders against me, I understand what they were about. It does not really affect me from any social standpoint, and I was just being really human about it at one point. There's still an opportunity to do well in any career that I would like to choose. It's all about hard work and giving it your all to get to the top.  My lawyer was definitely right when she spoke to the judge and stated that there was a misunderstanding. I totally agree and submitting to the civil restraining order with no defense against it is like slamming the girl who put it against me- like she's a waste of time and showing off that my family is rich and could afford legal issues that don't make any sense and wasting money on it.

I do have this haunch that it affects the people who put it on me more than it does with me personally. I totally believe that it's going to damage their reputation and overshadow them emotionally in a shameful way for the rest of their lives. The weird girl who put it on me was Darunee Lee Wongstapadat. Another guy who put it on me was Washington Chun. Supposedly one of of the best friends of Washington don't really collaborate with him as he told me even while enraged that I was the better man. I was just totally acting human and could not understand one bit of what was going on. I finally understand it completely from every standpoint and feel really good about it to the point that I don't even need to fully care about it in my life now. From now on, I know how to approach a situation where someone would want to put a civil restraining order on me. I joked around with some people who were thinking about putting a restraining order on me, and they never no longer have the will power to do it because they would rather not be the aggressor and look really foolish or controversial with the outside world and affect their personal visions with evangelizing others. I remember getting that hint of submission by Betty Lam of Hope of God Church L.A. on the phone when I called her up one day. She was totally confused and frustrated about something- like she was being left out. I did a good job with her and could be rewarded with a chance of dating her as just a friend if I want to in the near future.

Thinking About Ideal Things

Boy this is really hard to do. To really stay on course and do something that's very ideal for yourself. I really should start reflecting on ideal things all the time and then go after them for myself. I should avoid anything that comes second place for me now. It's just attitude and is going to take some time. There is a lot of fear involved in some things that I contemplate on. I pretty much need to still go after just ideal things right now.

With thinking about it right now, I want to just let go of those weird individuals at Hope Church of God L.A. Not everyone there is really weird or has like a fuse that could make them could end up being weird from snapping. I'm totally relying on the ideal situation for myself right now. I don't really want to go and I'm not afraid of showing up anymore, so I don't really care now. Those people are pretty much laughing stocks to me now. Whether they stay weird or not or basically improve their own situation which is probably not likely because of how they want to not change and consider themselves still the best, I choose to forgive them from about a thirty mile radius which is just driving distance from the home of the weird maiden who thought it was great to put a restraining order on me, Darunee Lee Wongstapdat. I forgot what her address is, but her cross-streets are Mission Blvd and San Gabriel Blvd. I actually drive on San Gabriel Blvd all the time to meet up with some friends who live on the big street. I've probably passed her house once or twice and I just don't care because she's too weird for me. I might just go to make her act weird again after the restraining order is off so that I can get some vengeance by putting my own restraining order on her. She thought that she was Annie and Betty combined and like attempted to absorb them into her own spirit and then fail to overshadow them in them putting a restraining order on me.

Oh man, I seriously had this weird attraction for Annie and now I feel very repulsed over having felt it. Go ahead and make fun of me for it. I can take it and admit that I did and that now I feel great that I never really chased after her for a relationship. I'm glad I did not even try to kiss her, and I was thinking about doing it as a joke to rattle Darunee when she forced me to go to court and Annie was with her. I was going to run away anyway then and be laughing all the way home. Oh man, no wonder I was really off and some of them were like asking me to get help at the same time. If I could have that day again, I would sit next to Darunee and hug her and then put my own restraining order on her while leaving the hearing and letting her speak to the judge and making her look like a dummy. I'm prepared mentally and humorously now to get my vengeance in a cool and unoffensive way.

Who Cares I'm Bad At Reading

I'm really bad at reading, and I just don't care. I could just open up a book and just skim through it and not care if I get nothing out of it now. I don't really care, my mind is just continuously wondering off into repetitive things, so I might as well get into the habit of reading very fast and being able to pick up a lot of stuff and being able to retain it. It's going to take some oh yeah, I know but I'm sure I could at least try in this area.

Need Money To Train

I have a good idea of what I want to use my money for. A lot of paid vacations, yeah that would be sweet. Having a nice big house and cool cars while I'm still young. And then paying for a nice gym membership, oh yeah. Going in need to build some muscle. Yeah, that would be fun.

I also want to go to school to learn more crafts to explore other careers that I've always wanted to try. If I have the money and if I don't like something, I don't have to worry about trying something that costs a little money. I could handle wasting a little money learning things that I never would have gotten my hands into. So I have a high incentive to succeed in monetary form.

Appreciating Suffering

Discipline for me is pretty much suffering and dealing with everything in your personal life and trying to execute things as flawlessly as possible. I am starting to appreciate suffering for myself now. I don't like suffering, so I'm not a masochist but I'm seeing that it's necessary to succeed. To have great mental health and be suffering at the same time is a real challenge that I have been trying to master for practically my whole life. 

I don't even like being with an evil mindset, which I probably tried at least once or twice. That also really bites another one's dust to be suffering and having this evil ideology which is just not healthy. I really lost a lot of coherence from not wanting to suffer at one point, but eventually life's tolls caused me to think about my best survival. The best survival tactic started with me accepting everything about myself and being honest. I used to have this strong mentality that would block out everything selfish about myself and not even pay attention to it. I was still depressed so I decided to become honest and it's been helping me out ever since.

I'm realizing that I really have to work for whatever I want and that there will be shortcomings. Whether people or concepts get in the way, it's all a part of my life. Whether I feel angry about it or not, I'm still living in the end and have to just learn to suffer and deal with it. A guy who was solely responsible for getting me fired said that he used to smoke in the middle of the desert and just continuously think. I think it's funny to note that while realizing that the field I was getting into wasn't really going to make me successful, so I don't really care in the end.

Spending A Lot of Time

There are 24 hours a day in today's human culture. Yes, that's just how things are. I notice that a lot of people like to watch T.V. even though I would like to do other things like reading and socializing with people at a cool restaurant or decent club. I really need to just suffer with not really having any money right now and let myself grow in this area of creating my own business. I pretty much need to spend like 12 hours a day doing something that I want to really commit to preparing for and then go in when it's all ready for me.

I heard the statistic that 92% of forex investors fail their first year and do not continue anymore because they use up all of their investment money. I've been going for about four months, but only doing demo accounts where I'm only testing theories and not using actual money. I wonder if I keep trading and start making winning trades on my demo account consistently, then I'll gain the confidence to make live trades now. I really like the idea of trading which is pretty fun for me and there's a lot to master everyday for me, so this could be the financial independence that I'm looking for.

Goals That Are Hard To Keep Up With

Okay, I think I'm maturing enough to experience my own personal emotions and just stop caring about people being jerks with me now. I'm realizing that I have four personal goals that I want to keep up with, but have a hard time doing:

1. Trying to make myself grow taller.
2. Working 8-10 hours a day during the week on my own business.
3. Exercising to build good muscle.
4. Being spiritual.

These are the main personal things that I want to attribute myself with. I know that height really does not matter that much as there are smaller and attractive women out there for me, but it's something that I just have to do for myself I guess.

Continuously Writing

If everything fails in my own business, I'm just going to pay for it by driving a truck around the nation. That's how I'll take responsibility for own financial disaster and is going to be my last resort. With any job that I do, I'm going to find that it drags for me sometimes. I don't like being under control by someone. I want to be free to do what I want to do. I want to have my own business where I make money on my own with no one telling me what to do. I want this independence and wealth for myself.

I figure now that I'm projecting myself to be married before the restraining order from this girl who might have had a weird crush on me is up. By visiting this church again after two more years, I'm probably going to be married by then and be like in your face by playing their keyboard and singing on the microphone. I'm just preparing myself to sing at that church solo and even though I'm projecting myself to mess up and not do good, I believe that I will have a good time doing it. I'm even practicing and still laughing at the times I mess up. The songs that I'm learning are pretty much gospel songs so I guess that makes sense to play Christian music if I'm going to up there playing just one song every week ritually and by soliciting myself to play the piano even though it's probably going to bug everyone eventually. It will just my way of paying them back for the good times that I'm going through even though they probably wanted me to suffer hard with their weird and funny motives.

Change Of Plan

Looking for a PC Repair Job isn't going to quite cut it even though I am pretty good at it, I might as well broaden the search now in looking for a job and specialize in networking. I don't care if someone thinks it's saturated or not, once you get your foot in the door, it's great news.

Obviously, my feelings are totally mixed up because of the level of difficulty attached to this complexity of dealing with no job and continuously getting rejected.

I Have An Idea To Try

I want to go into repairing computers or programming full-time at some company. It's about doing something that I would seriously love. With programming, I wasn't naturally gifted at it but I didn't mind spending painful hours throughout the night trying to get something to work. I remember those days, like figuring out a huge puzzle for the rest of the night and feeling good when finally executing it. Doing this on the computer felt like something magical for me.

No More Compromises

The art of being human is dealing with life's problems at times when required. I'm not the perfect candidate of getting rid of every single problem in my life, but I learn to deal with them just like anybody else should. My mom has joked around about how the end of one's life is the happiest because the person would never have to worry about a single thing again because he or she is already dead!

Since I'm alive and want to be good and well, I'm going to deal with my hormones still which get pretty elevated. I don't think I have it that bad as some pregnant women do occasionally, but it's noticeable for me personally. I think that's the difference of who I am- it's that I can notice it and learn to adjust it when needed for situations that require me to be at my best and most focused. I believe that I need to just be a repetitious type person over positive things to become positive. So if I want to be living in the Word of Truth, then I need to start practicing it over and over again in order to grow with living in it. 

Dude, Where's My Motivation?

I'm realizing that the sexual side of things for me can get really high up there- if I only had a willful wife. Okay, I hope that's understandable. It feels like the energy level could be abnormal, so not really human and way above it so I'm stuck in this body which is pretty small but I'm a guy so I'm happy to be a guy. I'm starting to write down stuff that I'm normally shy about sharing with other people because it feels like I'll be hitting a wrong topic. Since my writing is where if people want to argue with me, I can argue back and use writing techniques to get them to be like "Whatever" in the end or to leave me be. I'm laughing about some things I'm putting down in writing lately now.

I need to find that motivation- that scope of energy that will keep me up when I need to and that it would be something that would will me to want to get up really diligently in the morning and get to it. I need to foster that passion and commitment once again and to face adversity without becoming a baby about it.

Writing this blog is not really about me setting my mind to breaking any records. It's just a personal blog where I'm publishing everything going on in my head. All the desires that I need to label are in here, so this would qualify as being my own personal originality with the use of the English language. I've always thought about becoming more fluent with my Korean too, which I have a pretty okay foundation, so I can carry a very basic conversation with my parents in Korean and comprehend some of the things they mention. I ask a lot about what certain words mean too.

I'm understanding that I have this digression that builds upon itself. If there's something intentionally left out, then it can be confusing to readers if they are trying to learn something from it. It's pretty rude and dismembering to make it like a practice, so I should not really be aiming for that. I'm becoming more coherent which I used to be paranoid about being which is because I was just plain weird, but now from being understanding to the very least and being able to communicate honestly and fully, I have some pretty decent friends to get to know and appreciate. I'm only getting to the point of improving. Some part of me still feels a little retarded but I hope to find that cure as time moves on and I keep realizing stuff by putting it on this blog.

I just hope I never fall into the wrong hands and just avoid that in general and still get to do the things that I want.

Tired Of Playing Poker

I made money playing poker. While repetitiously putting in 2 cents, I generated the profit eventually  to 26 dollars. Yeah I'm good, I know. In order for me to keep making money at poker, I have to like play 24-7, I have a system that really works. It's like you're only step away from getting the right card and then you have to move on to the next one or risk losing it all. So, it's really a timing and patience game. I don't like this with poker.

I need to pick up on something where I don't really have to work for my money. Poker is a game where you have to work to be successful. Man, it gets so tedious and lousy for me. The pros are so crazy over playing hands that I think they've lost track of how many times they've lost by now. I don't have anything against poker pros really and it's pretty cool to watch them duke it out most of the time. I've lost all these feelings of losing money and the fear over it. I guess that's good, no big attachment to money. You need to let go of that attachment and invest sometimes in good areas. That's the lesson I learned, so I don't fear playing with millions of dollars on the stock market with my own money. By that time, it's not even luck to me anymore but all about skill.

I pretty much need to find an area where I can spend most of my time really loving it and making money at the same time. That's the only way for me to become successful. I need to do something where I know I'll like it and would not mind working on it forever, except for occasional fun and something different. For the most part, a financial lifestyle that would be so cool to work hard for.

Laughing Time

After watching America's Got Talent, man I feel like I could come up with something wonderful. I'm pretty much trying to be an average joe, just that I'm very small. The talented little girl that came up last said that big things come in small packages, which is really a sweet thing to say. In addition to me being pretty lumpy and chubby so far, I'm also considerably a short male. I'm putting too much thought on things that don't matter. I'm just saying what I need to say now and going to stick to it. Those contest shows are actually pretty fun to watch and pretty cool to me, so that's just the way it is sometimes.

A lot of the things that I have developed is pretty much a little better concentration. I guess from having so much practice from doing this a lot and even during times, I felt like crying for writing about practically nothing, I realize that I'm meaning to laugh and it's finally ending all crazy arguments for me just to voice my opinion in a funny self-deprecating way. Note to self, just don't go on that show if you don't like that person's reputation.

I could sure use a little more health improvement for myself, if I can put the effort into it. I'm just pretty much just an average guy whose pretty much finally clawing his way out of stupid reruns that he doesn't want to live anymore. Marrying late is also something that I never really planned, and I guess it's something that I need to try now. I'm the type who isn't divorcing that easy. I'm like glue man- imagine what random two restraining orders mean to that person if she can't deal with me. Actually, those topics weren't thoroughly discussed with those slightly neurotic people who just had a bad case of not being able to complain properly. When I discussed with my sister who kept on threatening me one time in an agitated manner, she told me she wouldn't do it with me. I guess I fare really well with family even when those family members act a little neurotic sometimes. I have that feeling of being a certain person to pull off tricks at the end and come up on top still even though it takes a long time for me. 

Hope of God Church, L.A.

This church has its problems. Big period. I have kept on mentioning Hope Church L.A. The title is actually Hope of God Church. Man, it can get so confusing because of so many churches out there with their own little division, which is not really the best thing but a compromise with people's belief systems.

I googled Hope of God Church and found out that the number listed does not really have anyone pick it up. They must really be lacking manpower right now. I was just adding insult to injury in a good way because I would like to think so and laugh about it. I wish I would not have to be encouraged to be mean and careless by weird people who overreact over nothing and live by it as a creed. The church is very small compared to really big churches and the number is so small that they can actually impact the growth of the church. They are really missing some key Biblical elements which is hindering their growth. I can reveal what their missing. It's because they are not doing enough fellowship and relying on some weird beliefs about the Holy Spirit. The girl who placed a restraining order on me Darunee Lee Wongstapdat even told me she had nothing against me (so weird) and even once said she loved me (so weird) and even also said that she knew the Hope of God Church had some controversial ideas listed as their belief. They try so hard but fail still to grow. It's really kooky but in a conforming way with the world. It's also been missing a lot of action.  There aren't enough strong brothers in Jesus at that church who could lead them in full Bible study.

Everybody, do go check out Hope of God church, if you have a chance. I encourage you to go and try to blend in. I agree with it. I'll make it juicy. There are a lot of girls there. I would understand if a regular guy wouldn't want to go there still for all the known and little reasons. I know they may be your friend or absolutely if you know how to talk to them but the extra baggage to implicate on your life is interesting. Therefore, I made it official now- Hope Church L.A. is actually Hope of God Church. I finally got the name right so I'm going to avoid any legal actions if they want to purse after my talkative mouth which wants to be truthful. It will give them bad press then because people have the right to voice their opinions all they want, whether everyone wants to call the guy an idiot or not.

My New Walk With Random Jobs

I've pretty much felt really worn out doing random jobs. It felt like just doing it for the money would be great because I have some money problems, which I'm trying to get out of just by working. I just lacked so much commitment and realized how hard it was for me to keep it up. I'm sure that there are some very bright people who would so good at what they do and that I just can't live up to their specialty now. I really appreciate those people for who they are, and they have my admiration and respect.

I figure that there are five occupations (yes, that's plenty) where I would willfully wake up for myself and commit with a lot of goodness and take in all the suffering that I would have to for a life-long permanent thing. I was just immature about not seeing results, which caused me to want to give up what I was really longing for. I now understand this value and willing to take another shot at it when opportunity rises again:

1. Teaching - I like the feeling of helping others out with teaching knowledge that's very hard to contain and really worthwhile. I'm just not really into giving factual information with mundane things though.

2. Medicine- I've always grown with the feeling of becoming Medicine Man and curing people of AIDS or cancer. For awhile, I just didn't want people to be encouraged to have more sex in a non-marriage setting or keep on smoking but I have compassion for these selfish individuals too. They would pour in the money, but it's not all about the money. I also dreaded the feelings of sticking thermometers up obese grandpa's butts.

3. Programming- I'm a die hard programmer. I can sit for twelve hours a day just coding until I get something to work. I remember all the nervousness and pressure I was surrounded by and I still committed myself to making it work. I started dreading this because I was worried about my health more than not succeeding. I was so caught up with distractions at the time because I felt so free for the first time in my life in college. I was so addicted to video games and yes, downloading dreadful porn. I'm still a little scared about going back to programming, but I'll see if I ever make it around to completing another project.

4. Internet- Ever since I was a teen, I've been just surfing the net. I felt like I was a step ahead of the world. Nowadays, I feel like more have caught up and miss the nostalgic days where I was the lone ranger doing cool stuff like hacking and ordering stuff with fake credit cards on the internet. It was wrongful of me to do it but funny to recall.

5. Engineer- I've always wanted to build cool things. I felt so depressed from not having any knowledge in building things. I feel the resources now and where they're at and I feel even more empowered to become a creative engineer again now

Styling To A Newer Cause

I'm starting to realize that it's not really that bad and all that I was really missing was the my sense of humor. I don't really recall everything that I did to really cause people to overreact. It was more about them acting very selfish and not willing to understand themselves at a time where they felt they were going through a tough time. This type of relation with people has been the most difficult for me to keep up with and I finally understand what I needed to do. I just needed to laugh about it and to still carry on as a normal human being would do. I finally don't really care about how vexing a person can get with me now. I realize the values now and where I'm supposed to be standing.

It's One Of These Days

It's one of these times where I am really becoming better at assessing my own needs and to pursue the right direction that I want to go. Right now, I don't really want to focus so much on my computer and just go outside and walk in a park to get some fresh air and some exercise. Desire is pretty hard to keep sometimes because when some life situation hits you, it's hard to keep at it for awhile longer.

Being a human being and realizing that life is really going to tally up wins and losses, I'm not that far behind from doing this goal setting and accomplishing what I'm needing to do. I realize that I'm a super smart Alec when it comes to talking down people from doing bad stuff to me. I just didn't really want it that badly at the time. I really need to give up on thinking so much and go after what I want right now, even if it's going to be a long train ride.

Need To Spend More Better Time

I guess I'm trying to go alone with gaining wealth. It symbolizes a lot of boredom in focusing on making money. I guess I'm trying to make an earning so that I don't really have to worry about making financial contributions anywhere. I seriously want to place God first in my life and let Him be the master of my life. God's ways are so pure and good and very loving and kind and so merciful. I had a little trouble fending off being bothered by those people I mentioned over at Hope Church L.A. I managed to release another guy Washington who also became a numb skull and put a restraining order on me from my pool of frustration. He was acting very insolent and ignorant to his own ways. He ended up leaving the job that he brought me into, which made me feel largely unattenuated to the job environment anymore. I left hoping for better waters. Overall, I really have no feelings attached to becoming a monster rich man and that I'll be trying to still make myself grow taller and more well-sculpted athletically!

Just Kidding With Last One

Ah, humoring myself over not putting any list of courses down. I'm going to go in order until I get tired or bored of doing this:

AJ 102, Concepts of Criminal Law
Reason for this is because I want to know how to circumvent the system.

AJ 104, Criminal Evidence
I would like to fingerprint some people and see if I can get any DNA trace with elbow marks. I want to put them on my system and then analyze their behavior and see how much criminal behavior they could resort to and then let them know. I want to do this to Darunee Lee, who put a restraining order on me. That is after, it's officially off and I'm safe to approach her again. I should put a restraining order on her too, if she tries to put another one on me.

ANTH 202 The Maya, Inca, and Aztecs: Ancient Civilizations of the Americas
I have this idea of making a video game related to these ancient warriors. I wonder if I could just juice them up and turn them into like demons or mutants who rip each others' throats out by shooting spear guns and then maybe adding some secret maya magic (rocket launcher).

ANTH 203 The Anthropology of Magic, Witchcraft, and Religion
I want to see how stupid people can think sometimes by taking this class. I want to see if there's any relation to a few people at Hope Church L.A. in history that's linked with stupidity.

ART 114 Storyboard and Graphic Novel Illustration
I want to create comic books and don't care if they turn out to be very cheesy. I will be happy to kill off Batman by making him evil and doing poetic justice.

ART 121 Three-Dimensional Design
I want to increase my drawing skills and create 3D objects on the fly with paper. Creating a 3D face of someone like Jarred Taing of Hope Church L.A. and then calling the drawing hideous because it has so much relation to the person's actual face.

ART 191B 3D Computer Animation Project
I would like to increase some skills in doing computer animated cinematography. I would do a sequence where an imitator of Superman moons everybody and talks about how handsome his maker is.

ART 193 Motion Picture Editing
Let's create the ending of any movie I've always wanted and then post it on YouTube and then get bashed by critics for making it even worse.

ART 195 3D Modeling For Animation
This is actually really cool for me and I would seriously have a kick out of doing this.

AB 58L Collision Repair Lab
In case I have to do a hit-and-run which is absolutely sad and probably wouldn't anyway and then fix my own car.

CHEM 211 Organic Chemistry
I would like to challenge myself because I hear this course is very infamous. I would like to learn how to blow up stuff too and then do it in a safe area like the middle of a hot desert.

DANC 124 Hip Hop Dance
I would like to do some popping and then if I'm really bad I'll end up all messed up.

DANC 125 Ballroom Dance
This would be fun, if I could have a smaller dancing partner and then doing those lifts would be fun while she gets scared sometimes about the landing.

ENGT 116 Blueprint Reading For Machines
I want to learn to do this because I would like to build some machines someday and then have it do cool stuff even though I could come up with wacky stuff- like Doc in Back To The Future 3 who created a big machine that generates only one ice cube.

ENGT 265 Catia
I heard this software could make those who are proficient at it make a lot of money.

ENGL 241 Screenwriting
I want to learn how I could submit a script even though it could be very stupid to producers. I don't care about being a wacky writer.

HO 56 Medication Calculations
I want to calculate how much medication some of the people at Hope Church L.A. (Chris Kuch, Jarred Taing, Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee, and the pastor Chai) would need to settle down and not be able to yell even when they are so hot-headed over nothing important.

HO 152 Normal And Therapeutic Nutrition
This is to give proof that I am mentally stable. Yeah right, I'm not going to convince even a person who acts like a mad cow and thinks I'm crazy.

MUS 106 Music Theory
I would like to create my own songs with some original beat to it.

MUS 138 Collegiate Chorale
Oh man, I'm going to really suck at singing. I want to improve my singing.

PE 122 Adapted Strength Training
I want some bulging muscles and to be very strong.

PE 130 Stretching and Relaxation
I want to do the splits.

PE 143 Personal Fitness Program
I want to do the Iron Man Challenge.

PE 148 Body Sculpting
I want to get a six pac.

PE 155A Bowling
My friend wants to go bowling so I might take this class with him because I want to bowl too. I don't care if I get an F by playing so well and then going through a rut.

PE 175A Baseball Beginning
I know how to play some ball, but I want to pitch to people and strike them out. It's pretty fun to strike out people especially by deceiving them. I wouldn't mind trying to strike out the side of those weird people I keep mentioning over and over again at Hope Church L.A.

Types of Classes I Want To Take

I'm going to pretty much list all the courses that I want to take and then put the reason down for it. I am going to use Cerritos Community College as my reference. Yes, I'm being stupid and listing my personal address too. No, I'm not actually going to do that on this site. I don't really have a need to list my address on this blog site.
Okay, these are all the classes that I want to take below this post:

The Kind Of Woman I Really Love

This post is something that I had a hard time conjuring up for awhile because I wanted to keep it secret. I guess I'm going to dedicate this to a female friend of mine who I really had a crush on for awhile. Through this period of trying to appreciate love, I had a chance to participate in becoming very comfortable friends with her and seeing her like a big sister. It's sort of weird to marry a big sister, so I'm not going to lie with that, so having this appreciative friendship with her and being so comfortable around her and not feeling so pestered with her was all these positive emotions surrounding her from my heart. She also gave some nice compliments openly with me and seemed to be really understanding by willing to have some sense of humor with some of my actions. I guess I honor that type of woman as being my type. She's a unique individual and I seriously hope everything goes well for her. Her future marriage, hopefully the future husband is going to have learned to settle down his emotions and stop acting like a whiny girl with his feelings towards me.

It was interesting because when I revealed that I liked her to others. Some law enforcement guys who I actually admitted to getting a strange restraining order from Darunee Lee Wongstapadat stated indirectly that they wouldn't mind taking the fiancee of the girl I liked and burying him in a desert. Very appreciated! I'm going to leave it to be because I think there's some cultural differences still, and the fact that my preference is to be with a mature woman whose a little younger than me or about the same age. I think she's definitely older and I was juggling those thoughts about marrying an older woman, but I feel that she could be in good hands already. I'm going to really praise her on this blog, unlike Annie Tran, Betty Lam, and Darunee Lee of Hope Church L.A. She's well-deserving of it, so I don't think other women are going to feel any hostility or jealousy with her if they take this blog post so seriously. She's pretty much a good friend to everyone, and I seriously mean that because her personality is pretty sweet. She stands out to me the most with another outstanding young woman =) - the person's name is Judy Chan of Hope Church L.A. I'm sort of laughing because of my blunt-filled rave with this girl. Another woman I really appreciated was Angela of the same church. Hey I also liked the girl Cynthia! =) One of the mySpace buddies, Pear is really nice too. =) Judy's relatives are very nice too like her younger sister and younger cousin. =) Oh yeah, it seemed like big Steph of the same church was really hesitant of adding me back on her Facebook profile, but I like the fact that she posts up her photos and shares it with me and that she can still respond to my messages. Even though she didn't add me, she's still sharing some personal information with me openly. It's an interesting hybrid that Stephanie accepted with me. I really learned to appreciate their company and being swell buddies.Wow, I can really sound pretty nice or something at times if I'm not mad. I should never really get mad at rude things other people do to me like those people I'm going to mention below. I choose to agree with them even though it's going to make me laugh very heavily and probably get me to joke around so much with them. Agreeing in the future with no shame at foolish ones arguing with me is my new lesson that I learned. Lots of humor on my end was involved despite the confusion from Christopher Kuch, Jarred Taing, Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee Lee, Chai, Bae, and Golf who is still unbelievably a Facebook buddy. Man, I seriously contemplated on blocking Golf because of his annoying rants about certain things, but my policy is to leave it to be and agree with laughter! I also blocked Christopher Kuch on my Facebook too and e-mailed him a message that I did this to him and that I'm not ending the friendship.  

Easy Enjoyment

Hanging out with friends and doing some things is actually quite a lot of fun. I do need to spend a little time to myself sometimes to find out more about who I really am. I guess working sort of contributes to this characteristic for me. In a way, working would be something I could enjoy at times. What seems like a simple formula is going in for making the maximum bang that I could possibly get, which I believe that I know how to and then contributing it to trustworthy charities without really caring so much about the world's greed and other scams.

Nowadays, some news analyst seem to be reiterating that the rich spending can actually boost the economy which is pretty interesting. So when President Bush sent out this incentive check, I think it really meant giving spending power back to the people. What I sort of hate is some people saving money selfishly and just letting that bottle flow continually rising and maybe becoming miserable. I guess there's going to be reasons for everything and so I should be focusing on myself usually.

What I'm finding out to be the ultimate insult but rather smart thing to do is to agree with people who seem really foolish. I guess it's an act of love and then when I respond to them, it sounds so funny because it feels like I'm being sarcastic and having a good laugh about it underneath. I should have just agreed with the overreacting people over at Hope Church L.A. (Christopher Kuch, Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Jarred Taing, Golf, Darunee Lee Wongstapadat, and Chai) and apply the funniness that I feel in agreeing with them. I'm going to do this with Carlos Julio, the guy who seems a little lost and can't seem to win arguments and tries to angrily bother others by making fun of them because he can't seem to let go of something. There's a funny relation with Julio and those guys and I think that's why they still try to hang together every once in awhile. I guess agreeing with Julio feels like the biggest insult that I could give to him, so I guess Julio makes really bad arguments with me. I might as well just agree that I'm an all bad person or I suck at gambling or I shouldn't be coming but I'm coming anyway because I want to make them look bad or anything while laughing underneath without getting annoyed, bothered, saddened, frustrated, or angered. I could just laugh at him by saying that I agree with him but don't really want to and say this to those guys at Hope Church L.A. who were being weird with me.

Finding Stuff To Do

I guess I'm figuring out a lot of things and that it's going to take awhile to understand some things. I could go on all day talking about some people who messed up at Hope Church L.A. and feel like laughing at them the whole time, but I figure that it's cool for me anyway because I'm learning stuff for myself and taking advantage of them even if they are doing bad things to me.

I sort of feel like the construction industry that I'm studying may not really be for me. I feel like some businesses are too slow right now and that you have to move around to different places. The skill set would be pretty valuable to learn, which I am not denying. I think what I want to really do is become an investor who gets to work at home on a really nice computer. I grew up liking computers so much that I would spend a lot of time on it and interact via messaging others over weird and occasionally stupid stuff. That was fun, even though I was suffering over not really talking to them face-to-face.

I guess I'll do what's considerably hard for everyone and that's work at home, until I make enough of a living for myself and then start expanding to other cool areas that require some money to have fun. Raising a family sounds like something I would really want to do sooner or later.

Pretty Cool

Looks like I have some interesting people who actually had fun with my account. I'm not really that special or anything, but I got hacked. Not bad because I went to a hacker's convention in Las Vegas. I can see myself doing that to others someday, so I don't really care if I get hacked with my personal stuff on the internet. I don't care if I look like a loser or criminal even because I know that I have me to look at and I know who I am and that if someone wants to kill me by being unfair like some people over at Hope Church, possibly Annie Tran, Betty Lam, Darunee Lee Wongstapdat, Christopher Kuch, Jarred Daniel Taing, Golf, Bae, and the highly repetitive in his statements Pastor Chai from exaggerating a form of hatred then I believe that I'll be celebrating in death because I believe in heaven. I might as well enjoy this lifetime because you have one life to live, so I don't care if someone hacks my account and starts making stuff about me. I'm a hacker myself, so I'm not going to do anything illegal with those skills I soon acquire.  I could tell them that I could hack them someday and if they want to get me busted with a restraining order then I'll put one back on them for retribution because my spiritual and life obligations to them are philosophically over at that point in time.