I'm pretty lucky in that I have all this time to myself right now since I'm back on break. I'm pretty much left alone and get to do whatever I want at this home and not feel really burdened by anything in the world. I guess that's called ultimate relaxation- I still feel a little guilty in that I could probably do quite a bit more while I'm facing this moment I'm getting to enjoy.
Learning to balance my desires and frustration levels have been quite a ride for me, and it might really destroy my desire to concentrate because I just feel so emotionless about it. I can't personally rule it as a state of depression either- it's just a mood of thinking I guess that I haven't really been tested with. I think it's because I'm losing in touch with my sense of purpose sometimes.
There's this innate desire to connect and stay connected with me- I don't want to stay in the bad side of things either when I could just aim for excellence. I think I just need to think less about the state I'm currently in and work on stuff to recognize later how I've been resilient with some things. I just need to keep an ensured head locked in with everything and be able to flow.
It's like I need to be able to do this everyday- regardless of how I might feel. The good thing is that I sort of laugh about my setbacks now, so they don't bother me as much anymore. I think it's nice that I developed this sort of defensive mechanism when the going seems a little tough. It keeps me wanting to stay resilient and just pushing forward with an endeavor. I no longer feel like I have to regret sticking to the decision of someone else when it's really my call to make now. I really feel a lot of stuff happening with me and that I should just relax and try to catch onto things a little more smoothly.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
