End of a Crazy Month

What better way to finish off the month on this blog by finally posting the last one needed to catch up! This is day number 303 and now I'm all caught up. Wow, it's such a remarkable feeling with all of that perseverance I went through to finally get here. Wait, I have to keep going and it's like nonstop.

For now, I'm just going to try to keep to a minimum of just one each day now. I think I'll just find a way to cheat a little to post something good on here. Whatever it may be, but I know I've got a lot smarter over the years and learned to get by my stupid and crazy emotions! I might even start posting from my iPhone like I'm texting someone on here. Well, it is pretty convenient to be able to do that, but I don't see myself doing this on a daily basis because I might be roughing it outdoors somewhere for a few weeks or something fun and adventurous like that.

Let's be practical. It's nice to only spend a little time on here everyday to put anything that's good on my mind. It's not going to happen because something is always going to come up, but I've been so good at catching up, so I'm ready to let it happen now!

Despite Being Short

I'm talking about my height on Halloween, so what a big scare it would be huh? Just kidding. I may be short and feel moody about it at times when I'm around taller people, but I'm told that I'm not that ugly which I can live with now. The thought of that makes me laugh a lot so I feel more comfortable opening myself up to others.

I've actually held decent conversations with taller women who are more narrow than me too. I have even had nice conversation and friendly encounters with taller and bigger women too. I guess on my end then, it could be just a tad tough to reject me based on my appearance alone then. It would probably have to be from just the overall feeling the girl gets. I understand that there's some out there who are bad for you and others who would be better for you.

Anyhow, I'm back to doing some trades and I still have to do a little more long term testing with my ideas. It's starting to come together and draw in some wins, while I'm actually making sense out of what's going on with the market. It does sound hard, and it is.

Basically, all I have going for me right now for my plans is to right after waking up do some working out, trade, and read the Bible. My job is now just like a chore to me. When I get back from work, I'm usually up until like 1 or 2 in the morning before I get tired so might as well bore myself to sleep by picking up a book to study my field that I actually have a decent talent in. While doing that, I'm going to try out these growth stretches to see if I can still grow taller at the very old age of 31! Maybe, it will give me the confidence to teach my kids how to grow taller and not get moody about their appearance in that aspect of being short. If my kids end up over-towering me, then yeah, it proves I married into some family of tall genes.

Good Length of Time

Appearance isn't a factor anymore now. All I really care about is the person being female and in good healthy standing. If I were to fall in love with her later on, and she became sick, then I would sweat it out with her and probably be crying like there's no tomorrow if something happened to her.

This means if the female is like age 50 and weighs 300 pounds and has the height of like 5' 2", I'm not going to try to fish for her. That's pretty much my only limits to reasonable expectations- that's what draws the line for me in looking for a suitable life partner now.

The thing that I still get moody about underneath is if the girl is taller than me. It annoys me underneath and makes me not want to pursue a romantic relationship with her. However, I've been getting a little better at handling it. I made some mistakes with weird girls, but I guess that's my learning curve to go off of.

I have limits that I can't go beyond for controlling myself. It's how I grew up and chose to become. I can't fall back out of God's outstanding morals found in the pages of the Bible. I don't really care what criticisms I draw now because I can just joke my way out of there now.

I had the right state of mind for attracting certain types of women, but now I'm friends with the right type of girl and to just be cool and respect while not doing much. I'm going to have to be able to take in some friendly rejections now. There are ways to get around stuff, and that's what keeps me from getting depressed or so angry about my past developments.

I Guess This Is Good

No matter what others think, I guess if it's not getting me in trouble with the law and making me happy then that's good. The NBA's best player at the moment, Lebron James has some haters as well, but he is well-known to be a great basketball player. I mean who really wouldn't want him on their team if they could have him for any price?

We can go around judging and criticizing others, but when you perform really well at something, no one can really say anything back to you. Just being nice is what I actually like doing now because it brings me laughter underneath. I need to make fun of others who make me angry from having started something nonsensical with me. I need to laugh at those problematic individuals by being upfront with them, so I can maintain a sense of personal well-being.

What if that wasn't at my disposal, then would I survive still? The answer is, probably so, but I would be suffering massively with bouts of a little depression but a whole lot of anger! I think the common thing is to really just withdraw yourself from the world and not make yourself any common target of negative attention.

Well, I guess it's good then that I have a few good buddies to hang out with often and to just mess around with to have good laughs. Even if the number is small, the quality is good, so I can be happy with that.

Keeping It Simple

I'm going to let some excess out of my life then. It's not really making any sense for me, but I just keep on wasting my time mindlessly like it's a sin! I'm not really proud of myself from wasting my time during the week just like any average Joe would while growing fat and lazy. It's also about trying to find an edge to end my grudges, which I don't really call that anymore now. I'll just call it my angry habit of just staying angry because some person won't change him or herself.

Almost Caught Up

I guess I've been doing a lot of writing these past couple months basically talking about stuff I'm going to forgetting. It's like the main theme is really about keeping my manners under control and pursuing on living a happy life. It's also about being really honest at the same time as well.

I think I really have to just discipline myself better and become very patient.

Dealing With People

The people I focus the most on are the ones I feel most bothered by sometimes. For the most part, I like the honky dory feeling of getting along with people and just hanging out even if they are a little weird or rough around the edges.

My intentions with those passive aggressive people might be a waste of time. What I'm thinking about might be wrong. I'm thinking that I should stay nice and leave them alone. How is that even wrong? It's not, in fact, I'm just joking about it. Actually, I think it's funny being nice which took a while to figure out for me.

Taking it further and then putting in the long hours like getting unpaid for doing overtime or from running a home business! There's really no work being rewarded in the end. It's like trying to pass a video game that turned into a nightmare. There's really no value in the end, except for the annoying feeling that will never go away. Therefore, it's not something to get caught up over if they don't want you part of their life.

I'm a smart man and I realize it while not being that bad looking for a short male who doesn't even look short to begin with! It was even confirmed by a female who went nuts with me because she can't stand me as a person. What I'm seeing is that if I spend all of that time and make it valuable to the best of my ability, all I'm really getting is approval. Is it really worth that much time for me to focus in those areas with a person gone rouge? Why not just cut the time short and make fun of them and laugh and then move on, while flexing my brain muscles and showing off how much of a better person I am both internally and outwardly, while making them feel like I proved it already?

 Adding up all of that time and stress like a job that won't end up with you getting paid and taking a toll on your body, is it really worth it even though you are still going to be mad and never fully satisfied? I have a feeling that the end is about getting something selfish out of it, and I know it's wrong so I'm going to back away. I'll work out my emotional problems, but I'm a smart guy when it comes to making personal decisions.

My Goals

I want to get some six pack abs or what my parents say, some chocolate abs! The reason why the culture refers to them as chocolate is because it's shaped like one when the abs are so finely tuned. I think it would be awesome to become a bearer of one. I would be walking around with my shirt off a lot and be traveling to the beach and holding back a big grin!

It takes quite a bit of work and dedication. It's something that I have trouble with doing on a consistent basis. I get really motivated to play games when I'm bored and filled with a lot of tunnel vision. I'm not super good at those games, but if I were to hack it by practicing or looking up on solutions, then I could probably beat them most of the time. What gets really hard are those awesome and intense games that involve competing with others. Man, those games can get suspenseful and really frustrating to the point it becomes your life! It's like you'll never get enough of being the best and just have to consistently beat everyone until you are bored. What if you aren't lucky and don't ever win? I was like that with Starcraft for a long while.

I guess if those games are about playing to win until you are bored then it makes no sense in becoming a video game professional! I'm just wasting my time with mindless thoughts that I should have tossed out a long time.

Spiritual Things Over Fleshly Desires

This concept is really a faith-based idea, which is based on from what I know to be the Bible. I was accused of by someone a little out there that I bring a bad name to the Christians and to my workplace. I told the person that she can report me to those specific institutions, and they would be glad to take in her complaints.

I don't know why it doesn't really get to me and make me so mad. I mean I want to become like that but I was filled with this guilt about doing crazy and stupid stuff. I want to conquer those ungodly desires and communicate in a very satisfying manner. That's why I chose to make fun of her and laugh about all her flaws. She followed suit and fired some nasty jokes back at me, but I'm still laughing at some of the comments she wrote back to me. I ended up backing off because it got a little too out of hand, and she got me thinking how gross it would be if I had to make a baby with her.

Being Nice Even If Angry

I don't like envisioning myself doing crazy stuff while I'm uncontrollably angry. It just feels better to be funny about stuff and calm myself down to the point of being nice. I guess it really comes down to how comfortable I feel with the other person being dumb with me then.

I can see how I made a lot of insecure people show their true colors of becoming passive aggressive with me now. I should have just not talked about something. I'm not going to bring it up even if I feel like turning it into a discussion because I'm concerned about people's health. I'm only going to bring it up with people who have experienced it already with me and keep it to that level and not make it go any bigger.

One Area of Kryptonite

Superman's greatest physical weakness is always going to be kyrptonite, a fictional material from Superman's home of Kyrpton. I have one and I'm working at becoming more immune to it.

Okay, I might suffer from a few of them. I'm going to just try to stay nice even if a few others want to be passive aggressive with me. Even though I'm suffering and having a hard time with my emotions, I'm going to just live through them and go after what I think would make me happy and not try to make the same mistakes again. I might have a form of obsessive compulsive disorder in that I'll just keep doing the same thing because I feel emotionally reinforced to do something over again.

Maybe I should just go for doing the more sacrificial one, but take the opportunity for doing something that matters to me. I'm really considering on going to see a psychologist or something, but every time I think that, my mental symptom just gets up and walks away. Well, using humor has helped me a lot and kept me in wanting to stay healthy and nice with others.

Maybe It's Part of the Job

It's easy to want to just sit back and be entertained by other hardworking individuals. There was this beautiful girl I had a crush on with Facebook; she's still a friend but I sort of got bored with her appearance now. It seems like she's gaining a little weight, but like that really matters. The physicality isn't that important to me, but it seems like a good number of people still admire her funny or bold expressions.

I think sometimes having these worn out and lazy feelings while still working is a natural thing that you just have to overcome on a daily basis. Sure, it's probably normal to not want to put yourself through a pain-inducing workout on your body for a daily basis. Being baffled and angry underneath from having a hard time is also normal too. All of those negative and mixed emotions is just completely normal to have and to be able to work it out and still get through the day is what being human is about!

Working While Feeling Lazy

This is something that I feel a little too privileged about doing. I think I seriously need to prepare myself to be even better at the stuff I'm doing. I think becoming very efficient with the job that I'm trying to go after would eventually put me in a position to be at a very competitive edge. Yeah, I really like the idea of being better than someone and maintaining myself with a passion to always stay on top of the opposition.

I read a book about leadership, and it stated that a CEO of his company was given credit for boosting profit, but the people who worked for him and helped to make it happen didn't receive any compensation. They were told to do more better, instead of getting a pay raise. Those people ended up leaving the company and working for another competitor. Now, the company is struggling to even exist!

The book I read said that all men, big or small, are called to be leaders. Whether there's no one to lead or thousands, a man is called to take up natural responsibilities of leadership. It didn't really help me out a lot from feeling reluctant about taking up the mantel. I felt like it would be an entirely challenging and stressful task.

Working Harder

My mind is definitely at a lot of different places and gets very distracted often. I don't really like this mentality, so I'm going to try to do something about it. I don't really want to shut down on the weekends like one of my closest buddies does.

There are really a wealth of stuff to do with open groups and possibly in a 100-mile radius if you live in a privileged country. Just because a small group of weirdos turned passive aggressive with me and kicked me out of their group while being strange like that, it doesn't mean I should carry a grudge or a small piece of anger towards them still to this day. It was an extremely annoying experience because I don't believe in cutting off people like that, no matter how bad I felt they were being to me. I'm just different like that.

Am I fully cured now with the thoughts of still getting mad and crazy at them? With my intended actions of being violent, quite possibly! I don't want to be so honest because I want to still mess with them, but I'll be honest just because it works on my end really well. I hope they never try to take away my life or something from nothing so serious like that, but I just can't go after my own violent inclinations at them from being infuriated. It's because I know it's wrong to do and just fully don't believe in being that type of person.

Backup Plan

Yeah, whenever I get the itch to play card games or watch T.V. while I'm stressed out, I'm going to just try to stay focused still and take it more easy. I'm going to work at developing a stronger mind and more physical body. It's amazing with the type of person that I am and what I am so capable of doing, even when I'm crazy with mixed emotions running through my head.

I figure that I would be very competitive in the field of network engineering. I am a well-trained programmer from that being my background. I can pick up on other programming languages quite easily too, along with the fact that when they have visual interfaces with the mouse click and drag features, it makes life so much more easier. I didn't have that luxury while I was in school, while programming only a simple text file and then compiling it while fixing errors. It was so annoying when my programs didn't work, but I never gave up and it was like the greatest feeling in the world, when I finally got it up and working.

The reason why I don't want to be a programmer is because it feels like a hassle with all that stress of having to look over code and sort it out to make the software run efficiently. It's just time consuming and stressful- not enough down time! I like the idea of relaxing more as a network engineer. I can pick up on the concepts that the computer uses because it's interesting enough for me to make a passionate career out of it.

New Concentrations

I'm getting pretty decent with trading, and it's starting to turn into a rewarding activity for me. I get really worn out with playing poker though because I think it's stupid to rely on the luck of the draw and to be left underhanded. It's pretty much the game of poker because it's gambling and anything can happen when you least expect it, which can totally make you go nuts! Managing your chip stack is very important and will improve your game of making profit in the long run, but what makes poker so weird is that it has a knack for putting you at break even sometimes which isn't fun.

Considering how poker is about sitting there and reading your opponent, I'd prefer playing with the stock market and then go do my hobbies, while checking up on my stocks later. Yeah, playing stocks and losing money can be a very scary thought, but I got over that fear and what I care about is learning to manage my account and make some profit! I'm starting out betting small in the market because I don't want to lose big money, but I do have this dream of eventually making it big and I do like how I manage the wins and losses.

Therefore, playing with stocks and Forex is something I'm going to stick with at a minor level until I get so good at it, but it's something I see myself doing for the rest of my life to earn a living.

Pure Dedication

I'm messing up a little too much by my own self. I'm not very happy with the arrangements that I'm doing, so I'm going to change it up a bit. I'm going to make a general rule. I'm not going to play any video games or watch anything on the Internet or T.V. now.

The only thing I'm really going to focus on is like reading, working out, or even writing on this site. I'm realizing that I'm wasting so much time thinking about annoying things dealing with others in the past. It's very stupid to manage a grudge with them. They were just passive aggressive with me and didn't want to speak to me about something they were bothered by. It was annoying with the way they acted, but still it's funny.

I believe that I can work at always being a better and more successful person than them. One of the difficulties I have is pretty much my emotions running wild and me wanting to just be in playing mode all the time instead of work.

Considering More Trading Systems

For the most part, I'm not putting any more to money to purchase someone else's system, no matter how much of a great sales presentation they put forth now. I'm going to mainly stick to my own experiences and knowledge from doing my homework. 

I'm pretty happy with taking on more long term trades now because I could then go focus on my hobbies and work. It's also a lot easier for maintenance as well for me. The Russian guy I stated who put up a free download for an indicator I paid for is also covering a few other systems as well. I really like this no non-sense trader. I ended up downloading most of the other tools he has up for free and going to test them out now.

If something is being offered free, and it makes me interested then why not dig in for the fun? I'm not interested in paying for something where I'll be putting up my money at risk anyway. It just doesn't make any sense as to why I should do that now. 

Win With Another Trade

I went long for another trade today for Bank of America. The stock was doing well, and I made another decent return off of it using Binary Options and the end-of-day trade option. Yesterday's trade with the CAD/JPY also ended up being another win so I'm on a roll here with my system.

It's like a no non-sense system and deals with a lot of patience and basically, if I spot any uncertainty then I'm not pulling the trigger for a trade. The Bank of America trade was actually sort of an accident, I meant to make a trade for Boeing- they both have similar stock symbols but when I looked at the chart for Bank of America, it looked like I made a healthy choice.

I was looking at the price level, and there was definitely room for it to move more upward without too much struggle until it would reach the area to retest for resistance. What I noticed with my indicators is that for the 4-hour chart, the price had not yet passed a moving average to confirm it as a bullish market. It did on my 1-hour chart though, so it might something to consider in that I could have a stand-alone system using the 1-hour chart.

Crazy Thing About Investing

Well, I ended up spending about $5,000 for a coach to attempt to teach me with making some profitable day trades. I had some fun with it as well and even attempted to learn while waking up early in the morning and staying up late at night watching the markets with the tedious 5 Minute chart. It wasn't really my dream job that I had always envisioned with trading.

I kept on trying to break away from day trading and felt how cool it would be to leave my trades hanging and letting it build more profit while I did low maintenance. Trying to learn this without putting any more money in to be taught became entirely tricky. Nonetheless, I gave it a shot and was pretty much trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Guess what? The indicator I use currently and paid about $50 for is being offered as a free download. I have the indicators that I paid $5000 for plus a professional trader's guidance and it hasn't really been offered by anyone yet. It's by the same developer. Anyway, here's the website which is by a Russian who writes sentences in broken English!
http://en.forex-men.ru/strategiya-foreks-rubikon.html

Learning About Trading

I have spent about $9,000 total trying to become a Forex trader. Okay, it's not that bad considering how I have a job and paid the card debt off. The thing about it is that I learned very little from investing that amount of money, except for the basics and how I should go about approaching my trades in a safe and systematic manner.

I was pretty dumb as an ox while taking a chance at trying to get rich off of doing some type of weird trading that I never even heard of. I never really envisioned myself as an investor to begin with, but I always had a hard time with the thought of working for someone and never making enough millions like all the successful businessmen in the world. I used to feel like Bill Gates was number one from being the richest and then became surprised over someone else becoming more rich than him. I don't care who the richest man in the world is now!

I guess it all started with an automated trading adviser and then that's when my curiosity and appetite for getting a piece of the action on this market started taking place. I was first about investing to create my own home business. I then quickly figured out that it wasn't doing me any good nor bringing me any profit because I was clearly working in the wrong market. I found out how tough it really was to have a home business, and how lazy I really was from just constantly playing video games while buying products to sell and never doing so.

I did a lot of buying and then returning products while getting a refund. I've even heard of some sellers not even giving people their refund! It happened to me once already for a lot of money. Anyhow, enough with all of that. I managed to somehow stumble my way through with a job and to have some money left over to try to launch my future, early retirement. The thing I've learned to be better at in this whole process is being a more loose giver to others in general. It feels weird in the beginning, but then gets more easier as time goes. The only problem I face is that I need to be more discerning with the people I give it too.

Finally Won Some Trades

I went long with Facebook and Gold today while going for an end-of-day trade with Binary Options. I'm still currently in a trade with the CAD/JPY pair and it's losing by just a hair again. It was winning for a good long while though; maybe, I hung on to it a little too long. I'm not so sure about that. I'll probably have to look into that more. 

I ended up doing some extended analysis on my charts, before entering those trades. It actually worked to my favor this time! I also started my trades at around 11:00 am PST which was a good time for me. I only did about $75 total of an investment and made a little return, but I'm happy that it's somewhere for me to start. 

What I focused on were support and resistance levels, moving averages, and price action candlesticks on the H1 and H4 charts. If I found some area to doubt my trade, I ended up moving on to the next consideration. I still used the Investing.com portfolio for the signals, but only on the hourly this time. It was also only for reference. I could probably start neglecting it, if I get good enough analyzing potential trades on my own charts. 

Focusing On Priorities First

I think by having a simple plan to go by like that Reminder app from my iPhone, I actually got a lot of things done that I can feel happy over. I really enjoyed doing that, so I'm going to try to keep it going on a daily basis during the week. It's pretty much my own M-F schedule, but my weekends are always subject to change.

Looks like my intelligence capacity is starting to be more welcoming to accepting more knowledge and new experiences! What I mean by this is that I'm having an easier time reading material, whereas before I used to hate sitting there and reading a book. I think I may have the motivation and skills needed now to practically ace some difficult college courses, if I decided to go back. Obviously, I'm not going to because I don't need it anymore. I'm about making money on my own now, so I don't need some degree to show that I can stick to it because I already proved that to myself with a Computer Science and mathematics college degree!

Back On A Schedule

Yesterday, I concocted a small and personal syllabus to follow for today. I didn't specify any time for each goal, but just jotted it down on my iPhone Reminders app. It worked like a charm. I'm already done with all my goals, except that I still have to brush my teeth and that's about it.

I'm being tempted into doing something stupid again, but by putting that thought aside, I'm getting other things done first! What's pretty cool is that I don't really care about how short I am now. My height doesn't seem to have an adverse effect while I'm dealing with taller women in general, so I guess it's cool then. What's even better is that appearance doesn't really matter to me, so whether a girl is a little more prettier than average or not, I don't feel shy about interacting with her. Some very gorgeous women out there are also nice, and I guess it's just a luck of the draw for settling down with one. Still, the appearance factor isn't really that important compared to the personality for me because I've actually matured in this area of relationships a whole lot.

I think what it really comes down to is really just finding and being the right person. There are so many people in this world and sometimes, it's very easy to get caught up in your own circumstances and not find a way out of those small problems.

Trading Result

I ended up trading the USD/CAD pair and lost again on the amount of $25. I did a little extra analyzing and missed it by just a hair this time. Last time, I was way off the mark with the market. It seems like with the analysis I've been doing and the time I've been trading, if I would just reverse the direction of how I originally planned to trade, then I would be doing really well. I'm not ready to do that blindly, and I would like to find out the reasons why it seems that way for me.

Using the Fibonacci pivot numbers have been useful today, so I'm now blending in price levels along with the technical indicators that I am using. After two days, I'm just averaging one trade of $25. Win or lose, I'm not concerned about losing that much each trade right now. All I care about is finding a way to be a consistent winner. Once I have that going, I will be on my way to trading money on my own.

I think in order to be a little more effective, I'm going to have to trade at least a couple hours before 1:00 pm PST, which seems to be the cut-off time for me with most stocks. Maybe I could try trading at night too and get back to this time, another day. I'll just keep what happened with my results noted mentally. It seems to be a lot easier to remember my bad trades from trading with real money, so I guess it forces me to work harder on my own so I wouldn't lose that often.

Revisiting Old Posts

I notice a few curious readers are going back through my old posts from like six years ago. I was accused of not making any sense by crazy people back in the day. I think by being honest, I have made some comments that haven't been challenged by those retarded people, sorry please excuse my language. Yeah, it's still a small remnant of feeling yanked by them but not strong as before where I was burning underneath with desire to just conquer them!

Going back to read my old comments, man, with my obsessive habit of working at something under extreme conditions and putting up an unyielding fight, I am aware of the effect my writing can have. I think my unconscious nature was putting in an investment for me to go back later and to just have a great laugh over a common situation that isn't so serious, but everybody can get a little rattled over.

I've been compared to the biggest and baddest villain in all of Magic: The Gathering story-lines- Nichol Bolas. This dragon is such a huge douche!  My best friend told me he reminds me of him, and he bought me the card and said to put it in my deck. He said I start stuff for no reason with people and then end up giving them problems that are hard to deal with and that he has access to an exciting social environment because of me.

Still Yet To Engage In Optimal State

It takes me a very long time to get something started and now that I'm not really feeling much, it really comes down to what works best for me and my relations to others. I really favor the approach of being ethical and feeling good about myself because of it! My Bible teaches me to be loving to others, and it's a huge struggle for me because I get angry underneath a lot even though I won't show it to them. No one has really asked me to go take anger management classes, so go figure. I've only been told that I need help by crazy people, but they weren't being very specific about me!

Well, I'm starting to outsmart crazy people like my little sister without having to become like a crazy ape to them. I'm making those witty comments that make me laugh so hard, so it's keeping me motivated to stay nice. I think my comments can cause a little hurt in people who are feeling mentally groggy. I'm around some pretty resilient people even though they can be a jerk sometimes, so it makes me laugh thinking about the mean comments they can make with me. I can be sarcastic like them too occasionally, just to mess around and to have a selfish laugh.

Working Out and Taking Advantage of Personal Time

Even though I'm taken right now by a sweet and loving girlfriend, she's still out of state but sending me wonderful e-mails and texts that I enjoy reading. Okay, so I have all this time to myself for the most part after getting off of work. I'm wasting it by messing around and watching T.V. and playing my MTG cards by myself! This is starting to become wasteful activities in my head and not really satisfying me that much.

My best friend of the moment feels that he accepted his own personal flaws and can't really do anything to change it because he's so set on his own ways. In other words, if he wears down and feels depressed from getting that bored feeling we all get once in awhile, he doesn't need to change himself completely.

He'll also have his crazy days of being hyper and feeling like laughing at everything. It gets a little annoying sometimes having to listen to his proposals and imaginations that are way off-center from the pool of mainstream knowledge. I still feel a bond of hanging out with somebody, and he wants to accept that when I call him up, so we have a close friendship going. He's pretty much the most accessible person to me, but we differ in ideas because his mind and body just can't take a certain level of abuse like I can when very determined.

Limiting My Urges

With my urges of wanting to habitually play Magic: The Gathering, like I did with other video games in the past just to have fun, I think it would be better if I let go of it for now and just accept it. I did make an offer for a friend that I would make a deck for him, and he seriously accepted it.

Okay, I'm getting a little too crazy about MTG and it's like some loner's activity that I seem to not get bored of. I guess I'll see how my deck works now in the field after testing it by myself, and it seems to perform with a major improvement on speed. It really features a lot of powerful Plainswalkers, which are allies in the game that boosts the chances of winning.

Getting Myself Out of Laziness

Today in the morning, I felt very sleepy and not well-relaxed. Anyhow, I feel so much better right now. I ended up playing Magic: The Gathering by myself again and have to say that my deck isn't too bad now with a few weaknesses, but it still has some advantages because I'm able to play powerful cards.

I basically started out with a 100 card deck and now have made it into a standard 60-card deck with only two, original cards from that deck remaining now. I hand-selected a lot of my cards from looking up on a database and searching for cards that I wanted to play for myself.

Result From Trade

The trade I made with Apple ended up being a loser. I guess it's going to require more skill than just looking at signals. I'm going to start checking numbers on the chart and just keep going at it. Fortunately, I've lost only about $25. My mind feels a little sick from the losses, but I don't want to give it all up. I really like how I can just put in the effort, make the trade, and then just go do something else like go to work.

Hopefully, it will start turning around where I get to make winning trades very consistently and with a nice system. We have to remember though that there's always a potentially huge risk whenever dealing with trades like binary options or Forex. No matter how good I become at it, it's better off where you do the research on your own and learn to make proper judgment calls with your preferred style.

I think the picks I make have to be all based on proper timing. I ended up trading about two dollars above the price where I ended up losing. There's something called pivot points which are price levels that you need to be cautious over. I'm going to start doing that, along with checking the daily highs and lows and the previous day's levels as well, all the way up to the weekly or monthly.

Cool Month

A lot of things are going on this month. With it being the fall and the weather being manageable here in Southern California, so many groups are having a lot of cool Halloween events and inviting people out. What I notice is that exceptions are left with those people who just suck as an individual in general and come across as plain weird.

I now see that the people who I gave a hard time with were the ones who turned crazy over not wanting to discuss about something not so serious. They made a decision to block me as a friend on Facebook and couldn't hold their manners really well with me. They turned into like little kids with a Napoleon Complex. It ticked me off so much because they wanted to leave it unsettled. It makes me only a little mad now after realizing there are people who don't want to talk it over with bigger things with people like if they have cancer or a life-threatening disease.

They became scared of me as well, after becoming crazy. They were about trying to selfishly get away by making me look bad in front of the most important people they felt. I'm lucky that those individuals aren't really that powerful or even super rich in society. Yeah, I gave them a really hard time from having a hard time dealing with my anger. I still feel a little remnant of it, so I've learned a lesson in how I should spill out my whole, honest mouth and leave it there with them, so I can feel I did my part next time. I was afraid if I said the wrong words, they were going to get me in trouble; that was my mistake- they became like insane retards, excuse my language!

By being fully honest and not sarcastic, it helps the person manage his or her feelings better. I can say it works for me and that it is incredibly hard to open up like that if you are not used to it. With time, everything you set your mind to can get better. There's this one idiot twin brother of my closest buddy- he ends up frolicking young girls at a mall and keeps saying that they give them their permission for his pleasure. He's pretty stupid at trying to be a womanizer, but nonetheless; he is a big scared-y cat and will avoid conflict even after speaking big words- that's what keeps him out of so much trouble in the first place. It's because he has a mind that also develops fear and absolute disregard for the foolish talk he gets into! Boy, that is pretty depressing and I feel sorry for him.

Trading Stocks

Even though I lost 5K to Apple stocks the past month, I still noticed that their prices were climbing back up above the $100 mark. I think I bought the stocks a little too high at about $103, so I missed it by a hair. Oh well, that's the past and there's nothing you can do about it.

I ended up trading just $25 on Apple for a day trade using binary options. I pretty much used the charts on My Portfolios with Investing.com, I looked this time for all the signals to light up from 15 Min to Monthly. This really filters out my choices, so I'll be trading a lot less than waiting at Daily. I guess for now, I'm working at picking more quality trades and working with the fewer trades to decide if I'm going to still trade them or not.

I ended up looking at my indicators on MT4 while picking the Apple stock and all I really did was just look at the candlestick formation while looking for hints on whether the price was going to rise or drop. I noticed a strong pin formation that was favoring a bullish market on the longer term charts, mainly the hourly and 4H chart because let's face it, that's about the length I prefer for binary options. There's really no point to keep the money in longer for me. Might as well just hit or miss big money and then move on from there.

I'm basically using terms that may confuse the heck out of a reader who has absolutely no interest in trading, but I've been working at it for awhile like it was my passion even though I hated what I was feeling for a long time.

 I was feeling pressured about having to make money and settle down with the cutest girl I could find. It seems like appearance don't matter these days; despite me being short, taller women still are able to be respectful and cool with me. They don't really mind that much in just being friends with me. Even though guys get carried away with girls' appearances and ignore the personality, I think chances are greater if you work at being the right person for the personality that fits you. I mean everybody's different and some gorgeous girls might have the personality that really attracts the male as well, and they might just hit it off then. I, myself, am currently taken and in a relationship with a taller woman, so I can vouch for that.

Song Revision

Well this is embarrassing. I sort of forgot one line of my song and when I was singing to myself, I realized that I goofed that line. So I'm going to correct myself again. Anyway, the music is pretty cool and I think it's fun to play. I'd really like others to just appreciate it. I don't care about the money or fame that comes out of it; I just want others to feel inspired from the song I wrote.

On line 7, I meant to write at the end, "I'd like to see you live your life and get through all your days." Yeah, after singing it to myself, it feels like it's flowing better, so that's what I actually meant.

Have To Let This One Out

This one girl who is very gay for other girls out there was being passive aggressive with me. She didn't want to assist me and was trying to give me a hard time. I even heard her whisper to herself, "This is stupid!" I basically schooled her with a Facebook message, and I'm still laughing over having outdone her.

I'm not really interested in adding her as a Facebook friend, but if she wants to I'll accept it just out of feeling obligated. It's only because she's gay- that's the only reason why I don't want to add her. Anyhow, after a few days, she turned nice with me. I can tell that she likes me and how she would consider not being gay if there were more guys like me out there.

My Song's Lyrics

I have the music I wrote for it too, and it sounds really nice when playing the tune on a grand piano. However, I only have a piano that isn't tuned well and sounds very funky to the ears. The piano is actually far too old to recover back to its original and wonderful settings. Still, that's where I created the music and with my mom being an honest critic, she doesn't mind me playing that tune daily, as long as I play other tunes that I'm also working on too.

I made a guy who calls himself a reputable Butthead tell me that I made him cry and then he gave me a hug after hearing my song. Yeah, it's a pretty emotional song all from the heart.

Here's the gist of my song's lyrics, and yeah, I can't forget my own song I wrote now. It's like implanted into my soul now:

Waking up this morning, to what's like a summer's day.
I find today to be unique. Isn't it natural?
For people to bond with each other. I know apologies aren't enough.
You never let me take the lead. Won't you let me try for once?
It's like the ROSES were NOT enough ??? - Ohhhh well,
I have a secret to let you in on now.

(#2)
I'm nothing at all! There's no where else to fall.
Even when I come to your arms, begging on my knees.
You make it me all. You make me ALL? (second time: all.)

(#3)
The battle trumpet sounds off. Desperation cries out.
Shuffling my feet to places, I don't belong.
It's been hard to say.

(Repeat #2 once then goto # 4)

(#4)
This is a song about Stacy (Crazy Betty), a girl from my care group.
I asked her how she was doing. She didn't answer.
This is my song for HER-RRRR !!

(#5)
You give me joy so much that I'm speechless and I like it.
Your love for me is irresistible. I can't fight it. Can't fight it, yeah.

(#6)
You shine so much your light of mercy. I receive it.

(#7)
I'm bowed and broken. Everything's so new.
You're like an inspiration to breath, I'd like to see you live your life for the rest of your days.

(Repeat #5 once, goto #2 and then #3, repeat #2 second time)

(intermission)

(#8)
If life's like water, I'm dry as a desert.
If life's like Las Vegas, I really lost my shirt.
I'm lost without a clue, I flip a shout out to the love I thought I once knew.
I never thought this was possible.
I'd like to thank you for letting me give you a good time.

(Repeat #5 and #6)

Whoa- Ohhh - Whoa-aaa!

(Pause)

I don't know where you are. Wherever you are,
May you go live in peace.

A Piano Song

I wrote a love song for a crazy girl on the piano after being inspired by some Christian music. I feel like my mind just wants to go crazy when I dwell so much about her problems she has with me. It's like I'm saying out loud to myself that she's my best friend, which is weird! Maybe my heart is being sarcastic and trying to humor itself unconsciously.

1/3 of the song is pretty much a paraphrase I took from a popular song by the Newsboys, a Christian band. I met the leader once after a concert, and he was a brat according to my first impression. He did end up signing my CD cover. I think he meant to be cool and hip with me, but I took it the wrong way that day.

I ended up doing some variation of music that I felt like playing. What my intention of those notes I played was that I wanted to give the feeling of how it would be fun if someone ever copied my song too.

Only two lines of the song is a version I took from an old boy band called Oldtown. I don't think they are around anymore. All I remember from that song is "Even at all, I'm nothing at all. There's no where else to fall." I pretty much copied those two lines but in a completely, different artistic expression. I just thought it was catchy-that's all.

With my song basically, I want to make it open for anyone to copy and distribute as they would like. I'm not interested in making money out of the song I wrote and created piano music for from pouring out my heart.

Skipped Working Out Again

It makes me feel a little sheepish from having played my Magic: The Gathering cards all by myself again. I must be just addicted at seeing how it all works out in a random fashion. I guess I'm just being lame like that to waste my own valuable time. Well, I'm not currently angry at the moment with my old friends who turned crazy with me. Maybe, they were never really about being my friend, but just about using me to get their positive and selfish, life experience working for themselves. I totally turned it upside down for them without getting thrown in prison or anything too bad.

Maybe they moved on or want to feel that way, but when it's brought up, they just go crazy with me. I guess if I think it's funny to do this to them for revenge and don't really care for them, then this is what I should keep doing to them. What my heart is telling me is that they are just being stupid people! Oh well, I think I needed help in the past because I had a hard time being honest with my feelings. I felt like if I revealed everything going inside of me, then they would get me in trouble for it. Regardless of whether I succeed at being truthful or not, with them going crazy with me, they are trying to get me in trouble anyway, so might as well satisfy myself by being brave and opening myself up to them without going crazy like they are even though I feel like beating their brains out for yelling at me.

 

I Want the Confidence

I look at my abs and picture what I saw earlier today stamped onto my abdominal area: "Insert abs here". I would like to get those chocolate looking muscles defined and shaped really well. I'm bad at taking photos because I'm not really that genuine at it. I think I'm ugly! Oh well, maybe if I get six-pack abs then I will have a genuine smile on my face for all the days that I still have it.

I'm not going to cheat for it because that's just being too naughty and trying to play god or something bad like that. I don't want to die really fast like having sold my soul to the devil. I'm going to try to motivate myself again and again even though it feels like my strong negative emotions are taking over for me. Even though I feel like being lazy and depressed and then do nothing but watch boring television on the couch. I don't really learn much from watching T.V., even those educational shows too. I don't really remember what they said, so I guess I shouldn't really be a T.V. person. However, I do remember Sesame Street as a kid. I still remember Elmo mispronouncing a word while trying to learn Spanish- it made the Hispanic guy crack up underneath so bad!

Did One Thing Today

On top of being at work and trying to study very hard to become better at my job, it's been progressing along and getting better because I've been trying it on my own and then asking for some instruction. I have an interest in this field I am in and think it's fun, so that's probably what's motivating me to stay in on this job and get really good at it.

I did say that I needed to get a car wash. I even stated that I was going to take a break from playing Magic: The Gathering, but I ended up not doing so. I managed to only get a car wash today and had a decent lunch, where I ended up getting it for free because I spotted a boiled lady bug in my soup. It saved me $10 plus a tip, which is not bad.

I'm trying to find room to read my Bible. When I'm driving to work, I have the radio on a Bible teaching station, and I'm trying to pay attention to it. My mind is wandering off into the same direction on a daily basis. I'm just getting carried away and then cracking myself up. I really need to continue pursuing after the Father in heaven by taking time to study my Bible and to meditate on His Word. Even when times are rough, I'm still encouraged about the thought of being in the presence of God.

Focusing More Better During Free Time

I felt really controlled today by my passionate desire to beat my buddy at a dumb game of Magic: The Gathering. It's so silly man, and I'm taking it too seriously. Okay, the people that are around us just gaggle around and tell stories that make others laugh, which is good! Even though some of the stories are totally non-Christian promoting tales and so funny with a lot of profanity, I still accept them as my friends. I just act a little more quiet in those areas because I prefer to be well-mannered around others and constantly improve my life to be a happy believer. I understand where they are coming from and totally cool with it, even though I don't necessarily agree it's the best thing to do.

I guess in general, I'm just relaxed and not feeling so anxious over not making enough friends with people. I was pretty hyper about that and then some nut job comes along to try to slow that progress down. Let's just say, she's not the prettiest and a little messed up in head from having caught an aneurysm and suicidal thoughts from having being depressed. Wow, she's over that stuff I think and keeps laughing about it. She has been continually willing to give me a chance though. I just have to approach her at a right angle, if I want it but I really don't in general.

Honesty Doesn't Really Kill If You Are A Good Person

If you are a great person, then you will probably run away from the bad guys and know what's wrong with everybody. Therefore, you won't be held at gunpoint for doing stupid to make that mafia leader angry. In a social and relationship setting, being honest and letting out what's inside your messed up heart and brain to the people who are irritating you might actually be healthy for you. It will probably make the other person more angrier and feel like they don't want to live anymore, if you are just that good of a person, but nonetheless, it's a great way to start out. Besides, it's just gossip-related material and the other person just being a koo-koo head with you.

Okay, so people around me can be dumb sometimes even though they have jobs that suck and pay off their bills. I enjoy my job, totally and the pay is decent enough for me. I'm an exception. I believe in Christianity where Jesus is meant to be the Savior, after having shed his blood on the cross to demonstrate his humility and love for mankind. Actually, there are more like me- the exceptional part just deals with my good fortune in having a job I like.

Mistakes

I ended up playing my Magic: The Gathering Deck until 3 am earlier today. Man, I feel so sheepish for doing that. I was trying to play and see if I would be lacking in any mana to play my spell cards. I'm talking in MTG terms; I know how lame it could sound. I kept playing until I got tired because my deck didn't slow down. I put in some nice two-cost creatures that produce additional mana of any color because I'm just cool like that. No, I did not just say that for reals. I'm just messing with myself while figuring that it's being funny.

In addition to putting in 4 two cost creatures with hexproof (definition: can't be target of spells or abilities opponents control) and mana ability, I replaced my slow lands with reflecting pools (doesn't come into play tapped), so now I have a more fast paced deck and can have fun whooping my young buddy at a game of Magic hopefully.

I'm sorry if the reader doesn't understand what I'm talking about, but I'm just going through some technicalities of building a card deck called Magic: The Gathering. I got in trouble at high school once and they were looking for drugs in my backpack. Nope, they just found my old deck. I guess you can call me an expert with this game. There are decks that say "Expert" level and I played those for years.

Doing Priorities While Feeling Lost and Lazy

I think I have something unique going with my blog posts. Some people do actual read these posts, which is surprising enough but I don't really know what their intentions are. Is it because my posts could have somewhat entertaining or educational value? Could it be the suspense that they are expecting, so they could go a-ha I knew it? It's actually pretty funny that I'm mentioning that- I'm still thinking about a few idiots who were reading my blog and tried to get me in trouble for it and just couldn't. I'm not mentioning their stupid names either but I think I did write their names down. It really irritates me that the state of Washington actually has some championship teams. I hope they continue to suck in the future!

Anyhow, this girl I will name Lee He-She had some issues with me. She had this weird strand of hair above her upper lip which was nasty to look at. I think it's actually not uncommon for women to be just slightly hairy and have a teeny weeny mustache, even though it's just plain weird and funny to look at. Maybe if they shaved, it would get more bushier! I'm actually referring to Lee He-She. Hey, it also rhymes all the way from first to last.

Lee He-She was just on plain wacko-mode! Oh well. I'm actually laughing now and feel like being really nice to her and continuing to just laugh about her problems underneath while just letting go of my issue with her having a problem with me.

Trying To Learn At Work

I'm studying right now how to view engineering blue prints. It's quite flustering because there's those confusing views you have to learn and get used to. Nonetheless, it's helped me appreciate the intricacies and preciseness of machining airplane parts. I really like the opportunity that I'm part of and not very many get to enjoy the luxuries that come from playing a role that impacts the world at a huge scale! We're talking world economies and big clients that are making important and large-scale contributions to this society.

I'm just trying to take a small break right now. One of the issues that I'm facing is that my funny distractions keep me from focusing on my priorities. I notice this could become a problem at making me a grand scale of money. Anyhow, this pretty woman posted a hot photo of herself and made a very funny comment in my opinion. She's okay I suppose appearance wise. I'm not really rating appearances of women as a huge deal anymore. I'm just satisfied if it works, no need to worry so much about it!

Anyway, my loser best friend has this issue with her posting those types of photos and calls them scandalous! He got into a conflict with her and has had a hard time letting go of his frustration, even though he tries to downplay it. It gets really irritating even though it's funny right now.

I need to continue to be consistent at working at my priorities. When I'm concentrated like this and put on my game face, it seems to attract more professionalism and friendliness from others. I guess it's a great quality to keep then! Sometimes, I look like I'm lost in the woods and it makes some jumpy people and maybe an occasional Butthead get on my case over it.

It's actually great advice- placing self-awareness and self-duty of getting priorities done all from a natural perspective. Being born a little smart and sort of nice, I think it makes sense for me to progress like this.

A Few More Things

I have acquired some additional helpful software like this tool that helps you learn Korean. I haven't played with it in a long time. I also have purchased speed reading software, and I still have yet to add it onto my priority list. Okay, I'm only 5' 3" and believe it or not, I gained a half-inch in height permanently from doing yoga stretches that target the spinal cord.

I still have this growth spray and I haven't used it for the longest time, but I'm going to try to use it up. I have books on doing growth stretches too and very elaborate I may add. Oh what the heck, I will make it a priority too, just to do something while I'm running around moody with my appearance. I have these vitamins that are supposed to help you stay healthy and never used them, so I'm going to pop one daily and use up all my supplies too. I'm just not thinking correctly because I just want to be like lost in the woods while having pleasure with being alive. I'm just being lazy about completing my own priorities because I feel worn out. Hey, I even learned a cool magic trick today, but I have to practice it so I won't be rusty at it and embarrass myself in front of others.

I'm also a strong believer in the Bible, which is surprising me because to this day, even though I am around a lot of dumb people who influence me to run away from the Bible, I still believe it to this day and try to practice it wholeheartedly. I'm a non-denominational Christian- I don't follow any system regarding the Bible, but just simple truths that could be taken from the pages of the Bible without too much confusion. It's really enough for me to keep a believing heart, but the hard part for me is figuring out what God has in store for me and what His plans are dealing with me. The answer is to just pray about it and consider how it's an individual, heart issue. I know this from having listened to a good show that talks about the Bible, while it's the main topic.

What I Plan To Do

I'm going to try to get a car wash today. I wasted my time in the morning, but now I developed a super load of confidence and energy from what I intended to do in my wasteful activity. It's like when I was a kid, I needed to play Mario Bros and pass it to feel like I was on top of the world. I don't feel that way anymore from video games, of course, but maybe I'm still fibbing for a 31 year old.

My Magic the Gathering deck got whooped again by my young 20 year old buddy. It really ticks me off a little, but I'm going to put it aside and focus on my priorities for now. Maybe after I have everything in order again, I'll balance it out with some fun in ending my small frustrations with my game deck. I'm going to just go on vacation with that for now.

I'm looking to work out on a daily basis now, even if I'm still a little sore. I might just slow it down a notch then while I'm writhing in pain. I just want to perform at a consistent and strong athletic level, but I know it's going to take time for me to double my strength with the hard preparations of healthy meals, too.

So with my trading thing that I'm executing, I'm not going to rely on anything but myself now and all the free tools that I have put together. I'm going to just do what I think makes sense and keep adjusting from there, until I have something profitable going. I don't care about people saying they can make better money than me or do it faster; I just want to make this my own thing. I'm not into that and digging that anymore. I want full control over my own money, and I am willing to put in the time.

Maybe, people in general might not be too smart or too concerned to get into investing. I don't see how working a few extra hours during the week to become an expert at making money while sleeping is something a person would want to refuse, but I guess then they were just not born to have a strong interest in investing like I was. If I become successful though, I will share my knowledge but I'm not going to work for someone investing in me because I believe very heavily in working independently with your own money as an investor, in order to keep a successful living.

So the Anaheim Angels Lost

My favorite MLB team were the best team this year, but they ended up getting swept in three games by the worst team in the playoffs. I guess baseball is a very funny sport because you don't know what's going to turn out. It looks like the Angels team didn't take it too hard for losing the playoffs though. They still have another year, and their best pitchers were technically injured so the best players the Angels had to offer weren't really in the playoffs.

It might just be that maybe the Angels will be a common staple to make the playoffs on a yearly basis if everything is kept together for several years. I was a little depressed that they lost this year, but now I'm over it and don't really care so much about baseball. Yet, the Dodgers and Giants are still in the playoffs so maybe, the World Series will occur in California this year! I think the Dodgers are my number two favorite team, so it isn't really that bad yet for me right now. They are also the favorites to win the World Series according to many experts.

Down By Less Than A Month

I only have about 23 more posts to go because today's day number of the calender year is 279. I guess it's becoming a very fun journey even though I was worn out a few times while on this blog writing basically about stuff I don't even recall. Because I forget a lot about my original posts that I'm writing, I think I'm going to write about the most important things to me and then just take a break and then go at it another time.

I'm still in the mood for putting in more photos on this site, but it looks like it would break my concentration and flow of my personal time if I was to contribute that extra effort. I think I'll be putting in my own personal photos on here sooner or later. I'm actually not a very talented photographer. What I've been told is that I'm just boring by my closest buddy who has a hard time finding a girlfriend and is pretty much a loner. I think being called boring by him is better than a lunatic!

So yeah, those church people who were saying that I was crazy and needed help are just absolute morons who can't seem to reach out to enough people and just can't get satisfied with me and want me out of their life while not being able to resolve it. Maybe God will take vengeance upon them another time, but for now, I shouldn't be worried about them because they are a bunch of lazy losers. They can't even be successful enough to grow their church and move on out of that silly location and go plant more churches. They are just a bunch of talkers and not a bunch of doers. They just suck in general!

I think the description I just wrote might actually be common for a lot of churches and meet the frustration of a normal person, too!

Real Way Trading Should Be Done

I did some reading on reviews dealing with Forex trading systems and now conclude that relying on them won't do you much good. The best way to be a trader, and this has been emphasized almost always but only by few numbers is to do it on your own. Sure, you could lose a lot of money from not knowing what you are doing but if you were able to research it on your own and then get better at it, then that's how it really should be.

Therefore, the trades I make and detail no matter how good and true they are on this site, is that no one should be really trading with my advice alone. The person should be finding out what works best if he or she is interested on their own. I'm not going to advertise about offering my services now, even if I become a millionaire. The way I see it is that no matter how much faith you have in a person, it's better if the other person does it alone.

So I think I'm safe to turn this site into also a place where I can blog about my journey into becoming a professional trader.  If I make so much money and the other person wants me to do it later on, I'm still going to decline because I'm a strong believer of individual effort. If the person doesn't have interest for learning it and is too afraid of losing money and risking it then there's really a reason why God placed that person in this world, so becoming an investor wouldn't be one of them.

Just Committing Myself

I'm really thinking of how I have emotional problems that I keep to myself and try not show it to others. I guess I can make writing on this blog a priority then because I'm finding that my own honest input is helping me a great deal. It's like having a conversation with someone in a way for me. I can just let out what needs to be said, while no one really notices. 

I really want to remain G-rated and maybe I'll flirt around with PG related material too sometimes, but I suppose it's still good. Maybe, TV isn't so much of a big deal to me anymore. Maybe a lot of things are just extra fun things a hard-working individual should just enjoy when they can make the time for it. 

I think I've been all about escaping my own worn-out reality while knowing what my actually priorities should be at the time. It's like being a coward from going to the actual battlefield and staying to mettle with other distractions. 

Making Priority

What I'm noticing is that my mind is capable of thinking about my own personal priorities, but I'm letting my mind try to escape the reality by doing other wasteful activities. I think I just want to be lazy, but I don't feel that it is right so I might as well just give into just letting my heart feel worn out while I just go after a commitment. This is really hard to keep up with and to keep a strong appetite afterwards to developing even more after.

Maybe I actually did need some professional help back then because I was filled with too much anxiety over my problems and having trouble concentrating. I'm not so much like that anymore because I'm not really feeling anything and more about accepting the struggles I'm dealing with.

I guess I turned into a little more straight-forward person, but my patience has been continually tested. Because I just feel emotionally troubled sometimes, I lose a little track of things sometimes. I do want to perform at an optimal level but I guess it's not always going to be happening like that I suppose.

Working Out

I'm going to working out on a daily basis again. I'm looking to incorporate trading Forex and doing binary options as well. I am so desensitized about losing money from investing that I don't care about pulling the trigger if I confidence in my pick dealing with a stock. I'm basically trying to limit my losses, so I'm just going after doing the bare minimum for now. I'm actually excited and all pumped up about going on this self-made journey, which many have gone and pretty much died while trying to make it rich. Something got them, like pride or maybe putting in too much money to blow their account in one shot. I heard from a friend I knew lose $10,000 while not knowing what the heck he was doing, too!

Well, I gotta get ready for a big day tomorrow, so sayo nara. I think that means bye in Japanese.

Becoming More Heavenly In Mind

When I think about that title I just put, all I can think about in my head is pure laughter. Well, the Angels lost Game 1 of the AL Division Series. Oh, pooh hoo! The Angels are actually my favorite MLB team, but the experts feel they will win an exciting Game 5 of the series. I guess angels have a lot to do with heaven, if one would read up on the Book of Revelations. Yeah, I'm a believer and I thought the Muslim jihadists were just about killing faithful Christians but they are not. There are people who have converted to Islam and just go completely nuts about beheading a fellow adult who just make them flip the handle! It looks like they want to use their belief in the Quran to justify their own selfish acts of ritual killing. One verse in the Quran says to strike above the neck and to chop off the fingers when in the act of destroying a non-Muslim believer. It sounds poetic in a sense and pretty cool in a psychotic manner, just that the Islamic prophet Muhammad encouraged actual beheading of enemies while at war with them for ritualistic purposes.

The prophet Muhammad really had his way in forcing it upon tribes with other religions that he attacked from being mad from their betrayal by giving them a decision to convert to Islam or have their head chopped off! Just read about Banu Qurayza. Boy, it would suck to be back there and be a lost statistic from having lost while participating in a tribal battle for survival of the fittest.

Okay, so maybe Islam headlining the mainstream world with a ticked off prophet to show for it to this day might actually pump up new converted and radical Muslims to go off killing their fellow neighbors. Especially with Islam being the fastest growing religion in this world, I'm not surprised by those occurrences of nut cases participating in religious killings and being without any remorse!

I don't know how I went around writing about Islam, but I just did a little reading online about it. Okay, so radical Islam is like the exact opposite of being heavenly minded. Don't practice it!

Whoa! About the Visits

This site has now turned over 60 visits for today; I definitely know that's humanly impossible for the tracker to count me in a day because let's face it, I would need time off from myself! Yet, the clicks on the reads for my current posts are not registering well. Yeah, I pretty much scroll through some of my posts too just to read and laugh at people I'm making fun of in my head. 

It looks like I'm generating some type of interest the more honest posts I create. I'm just being truthful here while writing because I find it to be therapeutic for me, and it's also a Biblical value that I would like to practice and encourage. White lies, I can see would work when going to war against someone evil like Hitler or the future anti-Christ, but against your fellow people over social matters and relationships- oh, come on now!  

I honestly want to personally yell at the stupid pastor at that one church from just being an idiot and doing unloving stuff to me that makes him look bad. It wouldn't make me any better than he is already though. I think the greatest option is to just screw him over by just being smarter, funnier, and more likable to others around him. That's what I intend to do, if I don't have a girlfriend on me by the time I end up with some killer abs and get rich off of trading stocks. 

I'm working at getting rich with the investments and not relenting because that's my attitude. It drove those stupid people crazy with me from not changing up my approach and continually doing the same thing to bug them. I haven't done much for my abs except maybe get that itch and then do some running for the most part. I'm still needing to incorporate very healthy meals, despite having the money and cookbooks to already acquire them. I just need to put in the time then, which is something that is unbelievable hard for me to get used to. I'm going to make that another post then.  

Trading Update Results

I tried the method of trading while using the portfolio of investing.com and I ended up losing 15 out of 16 trades. I conclude that just looking at a signal for a strong buy or strong sell is not going to be enough to conduct day trades. However, I did notice that going after long term trades while factoring in the daily and monthly can actually be very profitable in Forex as long as you set a reasonable stop loss. I'm still working at it, and I have managed to mine two 500 pip trades, which are monsters! That's exceeding 20% of my account balance each if it was in a live account.

For Forex, it's easy to conduct demo trades so I'm using a fake account and taking advantage of the power of charting. With binary trading on the other hand, it's turning out to be a lost cause for me. I'm still not giving up, I still have another $5500 of real money for binary trading to burn in very small increments, while learning to make a profit off of it. 

It looks like for binary trading, the win rate has to be very important in order profit immensely. You can't believe everything people put out there, especially with those trading managers. I'm definitely going to advise staying away from them and to do your own research and trade at your comfort level and discretion. If at anytime, it becomes an obsession that would ruin your relationships, I say just back off and get some help then! No sense in killing yourself while losing more money!

Maybe Down About 23 Posts

So it looks like I'm down about 23 more posts to get to my one a day average now. I guess this is what happens when you procrastinate. You just end up wasting a heck of a lot of time to try to catch up and to have make sacrifices with your values. I think procrastinating in a way is really bad and sort of a compulsive disorder because you are repetitiously doing other stuff that don't matter compared to what you know should be ideally taken cared of.

So basically I met this beautiful American lady who is a year older than me and is a nurse at a wealthy city. She's a very loving type person and has been sending me some love messages which I really enjoy reading. I met her online while just messing around with looking at people's ads. It's not really a paid dating site or anything. I thought it would be better to look for something free rather than get the visual advantages of a dating site. What I'm feeling is that if it doesn't work out, I'm a free man. I'm only going by gut feeling here, even though I could be wrong, but I decided to believe her intentions and help her out by sending money to some agent for buying her plane ticket. If it's a scam, then I'm a free man anyway. I still have money, so I know what my intentions were for anyway and I think that's what counts the most and it's all a learning experience. As long as I'm making reasonable attempts without going bankrupt.

Honestly, if I was back on a dating site, I would try to work out and work really hard at earning lots of money to just have all the confidence I need. It would then be all about meeting the right person who fits my personality. I honestly don't care that much about a woman's appearance now. I would probably rate it a 4 out of 10 for importance. Like, I think it would be really hard for me to want to be with a really huge lady for the rest of my life, considering how it would tick me off with her not being able to go for long walks or something like that. Having a nice body and some sense of style really is good too, but the person is the most important. Even the hottest girls occasionally don't look perfect to me if I'm not in the mood, so I would rather go for falling in love with the person.

Little Impressed With Reader Turnout

Today, the number of visits on this blog today totaled around 45. I'm really amazed at not knowing who the heck are those people. Do they have any malicious intent for me or just happened to stumble on this site miraculously for just one time, before disappearing?

Anyhow, I'm trying to catch up so I could start averaging one blog post a day. It's becoming a little time consuming to me because it's really addictive in a way. It's keeping me really busy, and this whole free writing business is something that isn't even making me any money. All I know is that I'm a lot more comfortable with reading other people's work and writing to communicate how I feel or to relay information to a targeted person.

In a way, I guess I can say this is my interesting hobby that could be meaningful for doing God's work in a way too.

Maybe Going To Improve

I think it's good that I'm writing here because it's something that's helping me in a small way. I think the best way for me to get better at something is to pretty much refrain from thinking stupid things and wasting my time from feeling weird about stuff. I just have to move on and work really hard for making myself happy and to just be patient.

I need to make some better decisions for myself and to be consistent at it no matter how hard it feels. One of the issues I have is that it's not easy for me to keep a strong routine going because it falls out a lot. I think I am really controlled by own personal desires and just want to hold on to things that bring me self-pleasure pretty much. It's not really something I'm very proud of.

One thing I've learned from tuning in to a Christian radio show is that it's normal for a person to have negative feelings or go through a period of being angry. There's absolutely nothing wrong from going through those periods, it's really all about what you do after that counts. I think it's really just a personal heart issue that everyone needs to pray about and figure out on their own.

Another thing that irritates me is how my closest buddy told me he had a dream of meeting Christ in person and then asked him a pretty stupid question, "Do I have a soul mate?" Why of all questions imaginable did he have to ask that? Anyway, my buddy referred to Christ saying that he needs to figure that out on his own. It's funny when you hear it a few times, but when it keeps getting brought up; man, it gets irritating!

Trading Results

For now, I'm just using the My Portfolios on Investing.com to make my trades. I'm running trades with a thing called binary options. What I am pretty much looking for is just 15 minutes, Hourly, and Daily to all indicate a strong sell or strong buy and then I'm entering the trade by picking the last time of the same day. Basically, I'm just doing this whenever I feel like it. Today, I was able to get 16 strong signals and entered them all while investing $25 on each trade. I'm not really trying to blow my money, but just testing the waters. I have about $2,000 to play with right now and another $3500 on another. The first one is where I am just doing whatever seems to make sense and to experiment my ideas and strategies, while the other one is something I'm protecting. They are both loaded with real money as well!

I'm not sure how the results are going to pan out, but this is just my starting strategy and it isn't perfect, but I'm trying to profit on the long run. I also have a Forex demo account where I can load up some charts for stocks and to do a little analysis while using my favorite indicators. The first broker where I have $2,000 has a very laggy interface and I don't really like their service too much. They pretty much ignore your withdrawal requests, so I pretty much lost about $5000 with them. I would recommend looking up on the reviews with brokers, if you are interested in playing this risky game!

I'm really desensitized about blowing my money from doing investments if something goes wrong, but at the same time I'm trying to make a living off of this, so I'm motivated to work hard and try to make profit while earning a comfortable life. I'm mainly trying to do this all on my own, while investing in learning material that I have faith will deliver. It's all just a matter of putting it all together and picking a decent style. Keep in mind though that 95% of people lose money in this trade, so that's why I'm only risking money that I can afford to lose and doing it in small increments.

Making Updates to this Site

One of these days, I'm going to start posting my own aboriginal and boring photos to display my own lackluster talent for photography! It's actually just become a whole lot easier for me to just type whatever is in my feeble mind and to just let it rip! I'm actually laughing inwardly with those comments I just wrote.

I guess by joking around about how unable I am compared to the best guy out there in the world, I don't really feel so bad. It's not really a big deal for me too now with actually being a short guy. I'm actually seen as just a little short unless the person is above normal in height. I don't really care honestly; being beautiful on the outside literally isn't everything, but I do want to be athletic and get some six pack abs just for the heck of it.

Not Really Hurting

What is neat is that I'm starting to actually not care about marrying a non-Korean lady. My parents and family have been all up in my face about how I need to settle down with a Korean girl. I can see that plenty of Korean girls are actually pretty, don't get me wrong, but still I'm not really needing to be picky because there are pretty girls in other races too!

Okay, being pretty isn't my number one priority for me so I'm not going to make that an absolute requirement for my life partner. I guess that settles the issue then in finding a nice soul mate. There are plenty out there who have great personalities but overlooked because some male clown thinks she isn't good-looking enough. It's probably a mark of insecurity or something, if a guy is like that. I'll be happy to snag one of those nice women for my own wife!

Investment Products

I'm currently looking at my own long term trading system using Investing.com and a customized chart filled with indicators that I have come to enjoy using, but might ignore most of the time. One of the key things that trading experts recommend is actually having your own trading journal. This is of vital important that I have been skipping out on. I've been forgetting what I've been doing while I'm trading. Sure, the trades are maybe only about $25 but it would be more professional if I could keep a record of them so I wouldn't keep repeating the same mistakes!

I've been keeping a tab of the systems that I want to get a hold of. I'm really a fan of accurate signal alerts because it's really easy to set up those trades and just go off doing something else. I'm looking to invest into three more expensive systems later on my trading career, if they are still around.

Let's first assuming that it's advisable not to have someone else manage your money, I've lost so much money because of it! Another stupid girl who I wrote a love song about got me to invest in her life insurance scheme. It's where they manage your money using some system of investing more when the economy is good or just holding back when it's bad and then take a cut from it. I think the stupid joke is on me because I bought into her scheme. Oh well, the things you get for trying to be lazy and smart.

She's just a crazy girl who can't let go of her silly feelings of hating me. Anyhow, I wrote a love song that makes fun of her very subtly. I'm hoping it might make her mad or get her boyfriend in the mood of having a chat with me. I'm looking to make fun of them both sooner or later, if I ever release it but I doubt it's going to be a hit. I'll work really hard at making it sound acceptable when comparing it with the pros, but I don't know how it's going to turn out from being just an amateur!

Okay, back to investing and how having someone else manage your money absolutely sucks! I'm looking at enrolling in a trading room called the MACD 3 system. It has a lifetime membership fee of $2000 which is not bad considering the money I make. Another two systems that I don't want to give up on go back from the Option University days- they are from Forex Joe and Gary Albrecht. Their systems will require me not having a full time job and being on the go as an already established trader to utilize its power. The first system seems manageable to me.

My Good Buddy

My closest buddy is starting to seem a little more degenerate than he was in college. Maybe he should just keep to himself a lot of the things he thinks about because it's mainly about him feeling better than others and then saying that he doesn't want to be different. He's basically saying how he's a great person and deserving with stuff just to cheer himself up because he's been going through a hard time of being happy. He says he's been depressed for the last sixteen years or so. I guess his puberty and the phase of liking girls hasn't really helped ease his still raging hormones! Okay, along with that and his continual excuses with trying to outdo everyone indirectly by thinking outside the box; maybe, he's just not meant to end up with anyone which is something he keeps trying to work around and to not much success.

I'm pretty irritated with him totally because his comments aren't really all that good. He says that he still likes company though. Okay, I really went off topic thinking about my current best friend. He seems to be a really limited person and not capable of getting beyond just scratching the surface with people. I think he has some anxiety and concerns over his countenance because that's just how he was raised. Anyhow, he says that I have a very stable appearance and that it is something females really enjoy. The things some beautiful women do to me while interacting is what he would describe as being liked in an intimate manner like smiling, waving the hand flirtatiously, and touching my arms. I don't really think so in general! It's just nice gestures- that's all; he's not being very accurate because he wants to make up more details for those little things while not confirming them by just asking the beauty!  

Weighing In Investments

I think I'm going to be putting in some money sooner or later into doing Forex trading again. I'm currently doing what's called binary options and it seems to be a bit too risky because it's like at most 75% profit out of an investment. When looking at a risk to reward ration that's .75 to 1 which means you have to win more than 50% of the time to break even and that's not fun at all and can become stressful.

 I've lost a lot of money from doing binary options; I think it's almost up to $8000 now. Anyhow, I seem to still manage to have a bank account filled with enough cash for my other expenses. I'm probably ahead two paychecks right now for my wealth after taking care of some bills. I'm not going to invest any more into binary options now. The cool part about it all is that I don't really feel bad about having lost that much. It was an investment decision that I made, and I still have a job that's creating a decent cash flow for me. It was pretty much my attempt at breaking off into getting rich.

As always, if I feel like it and remember to, I will detail some of my trades in an honest manner. I'll probably confuse a lot of people and scare even more readers who might want to laugh at my stupid mistakes and crazy assumptions, but it's all a learning process for me. Overall, I've learned that becoming an investor is really my dream job because it will afford me the freedom to do other things besides being crammed at an office while conducting business. I want to explore and be romantic with my future wife while I'm still young enough. I don't want to just settle into an ordinary routine and have kids who could become a little rebellious like I am.

Minimizing Wasting Time

I think writing on this blog has been exceptionally healthy for me because it's helped me to figure out the type of person I am. It must be some type of behavior that promotes self-awareness. Having a small reading audience of probably like up to ten people at a time doesn't really bother me that much. I don't think I ever want to let this thing get over my head, but my closest buddy will take any form of satisfaction to feel good about himself all day and any day.

My buddy and I have been spending a whole lot of time together on the weekends, and it's starting to wear me down a bit. He's basically talking about stuff that he hasn't really gotten past since his high school days. I think it's making him look like a more sluggish individual. I've been really irritated by a lot of his comments, and I've been just giving my honest feedback with him most of the time. He doesn't seem to mind those opinions though, and he's open to giving it back to me as well. He'll tell me how my writing is really boring on this site. I try to make it exciting still to this day because it gives me motivation to try harder.

I don't think hanging out with a guy who professes himself to be a natural loner and wants to be in a relationship with the most innocent and beautiful woman, while treating her like a goddess is going to help my cause so much. He's a little critical of others and considers himself to be better than others and very deserving of reaching some goals, although he's miserable from not obtaining them yet. It really seems like he might be better off keeping to himself, so I'm thinking about distancing myself a little more from him now. He'll call me because he gets lonely and wants company sometimes.