I'm fortunate to be born into a loving family; they don't show it that much to me with open arms. I'm sure my sister has a hard time being around my parents and me sometimes. I live in a very comfortable setting currently, but I feel underneath that if I don't invest in my future now, then I'm going to heavily pay for it later on down the road. I plan on living a pretty long and healthy life right now. Nobody knows for sure, but my grandparents passed away at an old age, and they only left while they were barely around 90 years old. Barely? No, I'm just kidding.
That's pretty old, but they passed away while developing a little dementia. The symptoms of my grandparents were that they became annoying and started repetitively talking about how they wanted to die. I'm not kidding- it made me angry listening to them complaining about not passing away soon enough, while they were in so much emotional pain. My grandparents went through some type of crisis and ran out of steam in their weak and feeble minded bodies. Oh, how I wish they were here while being the same, strong and reliable people again and who I used to adore and take granted for. Man, with me being so annoyed at them during their last years, I was just being crazy and going through mentally tough challenges.
So that's a little bit of my heart I'm sharing with the world. I don't really have that much drama going on with my life; I feel like I'm not someone you would want to connect with because you would hold very high expectations with me and then get disappointed later on. I feel like I have a history of causing some mental trauma for crazy people or those who I felt messed me up pretty badly. The more I talk in a random and unscripted manner while being totally honest, the more I get away with stuff because I'm about choosing to follow the Lord no matter what!
Maybe, people don't really warm up to me because I don't really have what they are looking for. I'm not really angry about that because I do the same to others. Or maybe, people do like me during certain periods of time but I happen to not be there. I'm so different in that I don't shout out bad words to people, which I notice in common people. The common people basically for the men, who are in their twenties, want to get in on all the fun action with girls; many of them get lucky, too. The women, well, I don't know what's going on with them; they just talk, talk, and talk- some of it is good and the rest is just plain blah blah! I'm just basing off this experience from how I've been observing my own sister and close female friend. They are both not really my type either.
My type must be like an ultra fine and super loving person. I don't really care about the appearance later on with a relationship though. If she's the one for me because I was attracted to her appearance a little and then was able to hit it off, then I might as well let that happen. I think the problem for me is that I'm getting a little desperate at times.
I'm going to accept my primal urges and in turn, behave like a gentleman while trying to approach the woman I'm interested in. What I mean is that, I'm going to assume that being attracted to a woman's looks is pretty much the woman putting her best foot forward with me; whether the woman has been gifted with the beauty or not. Later on, if I fall in love with her, then the appearance won't even matter to me. I'm so smart that I can already prejudge this type of situation for myself. Basically, what I'm saying is that if I'm not interested with a woman's appearance at the moment, then I should just look to move on from her now.
I shouldn't really be wasting my time, like I have been doing with two crazy girls who used to be friendly with me. Because of their craziness, despite some tempting things about them, they are not that pretty to me anymore or never really was to begin with. I think those girls have been acting that way because it's a point of pride for them- stupid, I know. I'm not going to share how to keep them from bothering a person because that's something I believe a person should figure out on his or her own; besides, everyone's method is different. I finally figured it out after I don't know, after about four years elapsed. That's really not that bad at all, even though it feels like a lifetime ago! I no longer have to feel anger or resentment towards them because I know what to say or write to them that will make me permanently happy without getting arrested and always motivate me to not be angry with them while getting those moody feelings.
I'm basically someone whose always looking for the big K.O. punch to score the win against people I have been in conflict with. It makes me happy, but for now, I have to be an honorable man because for some reason, I made an oath with God as my witness to not do something, until I've obtained some form of greatness. This greatness is T.M.I. (too much information), I know- I'm going for becoming wealthy on my own and getting some six pac abs. I have a lot of hard work to do to get there, and I'm not giving up even if I die trying to get there and never go back to confront that one dumb person I'm so mad at.
The other oath is easy, I promised the girl that I won't talk to her for a year. When I mention craziness, I'm not saying the person is crazy, so that means I'm not crazy to begin with at all. She has been mentioning that I'm crazy, but from doing that, she is almost setting up a mirror effect of who she really is and saying that only because she wants to be left alone and can't get me in trouble for it.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
