Well, so much for feeling like it with doing some things I know that are good for me. I think I'm just going to think of it as like I'm going to work, each day I wake up. I have some free time and end up blowing it by doing mindless things like playing Magic: the Gathering but okay, I think it looks like I might be ready to put a lid on it and focus on the things I really need to do.
I don't know why I'm not doing the things as I'm supposed to be doing. I guess I just don't like feeling stressed out, so I'm naturally becoming evasive with it. If I treat it like it's a job, then maybe I have something going on here. I guess just for today only, my mind felt way too excited and it was like I had to just lay there to calm down.
Okay, it's back to limiting on playing Magic: the Gathering now and finding closure with it. I have a deck that can beat anybody in the world and somehow, I always need to prove it to myself by playing the game. I guess I can be happy with that and focus on some priorities because I'm lacking a little balance. It's like I should go pro with playing Magic: the Gathering but I'm like so reluctant to do it. I'm not numb to the feelings of losing and not making it in the money! That's why I have that currency trading business going. I'm done for now then.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
Willful Discipline
Realizing that I have all of this addiction underneath me, I guess I'm just settling for being by myself for the rest of my life! Other than that, I want to do some things and when I wake up, I'm just like not in the mood because I feel a little groggy about it. It's like forcing myself to get up and go to work even though I don't feel like going.
It's pretty much how I'm living my life on a daily basis for now. I know what I want, but don't really get at it because I let other distractions get to me first. I would like to change it and do something about it these days. This is what I'm trying to do now. I don't really have any health concerns for my short stature. I just occasionally feel a little bit of anger, and I guess that's where Napoleon received his complex from. He's one of those short sociopaths I guess who made it to the top.
I definitely act like I have the Napoleon complex when I'm mad for any reason with people. I have acted very inappropriate and scared people into doing stuff for me out of control and intimidation while being a short, young man. Those days feel like they are good because I would rather subject the people I'm ticked off at to my ridiculing and nonverbal harassment. When I'm in motion with something and doing it at my fullest potential, I can sometimes cause good things to occur even while facing setbacks like Al Bundy did in Married With Children.
It's pretty much how I'm living my life on a daily basis for now. I know what I want, but don't really get at it because I let other distractions get to me first. I would like to change it and do something about it these days. This is what I'm trying to do now. I don't really have any health concerns for my short stature. I just occasionally feel a little bit of anger, and I guess that's where Napoleon received his complex from. He's one of those short sociopaths I guess who made it to the top.
I definitely act like I have the Napoleon complex when I'm mad for any reason with people. I have acted very inappropriate and scared people into doing stuff for me out of control and intimidation while being a short, young man. Those days feel like they are good because I would rather subject the people I'm ticked off at to my ridiculing and nonverbal harassment. When I'm in motion with something and doing it at my fullest potential, I can sometimes cause good things to occur even while facing setbacks like Al Bundy did in Married With Children.
Why I Have No Significant Other?
Maybe I can joke that God is my husband. There are currently about 1000 women in the U.S. who have dedicated their life to God and will never marry anyone neither become intimate with anybody. It means they will have plenty of alone time with Jesus in spirit, while reading their Bibles I suppose and praying to him. I've noticed that it seems to be a Catholic thing, which is interesting being that some Christians are critical of other Christians and believe that compromising one of their beliefs will mean eternal damnation.
That's a bunch of bullocks! One group of people says that it's mixed teaching and they act so mad in person about it. Yeah well, the Apostle Paul states in the New Testament that when people are faking their Christian lives and doing good stuff out of it, he'll settle for it because it's about bringing people to the knowledge of Jesus and everything good about having a relationship with him. Overall, no alive person nor angel nor demon has the ability to judge who goes to heaven or hell at the end of a person's life. Nobody really knows if a serial killer who gave up his life all of a sudden to say that he wants to be in heaven is going to be there, except for God.
We just don't know, but what's weird is that when the Bible says something is evil in practice, there are people who still practice it while trying to reason that it's something else that the Bible is mentioning. I'm sorry to say this but having the greatest physical intimacy with the same gender is not advocated by the Bible. Adam and Eve were created for marriage. God states that some men and women are not born to be married, so when those urges for the same gender arrive, maybe it's because of upbringing and for probably exercising humility by not doing that sort of thing! I'm believing that there might not be anything wrong with living together while not doing that crazy deed.
Well, I've mentioned that I am very picky. I don't even know if I want to have a relationship with a lady who shows a little remote interest to me. I've had an opportunity with someone because she stated an interest and I was like what? the whole time. Was she in it for the money? My sister was angry because she just gets moody like I do with her when my mom said for her to fix me up. It's funny drama so I don't care about being open about it. I think it's funny to be sad about being lonely and complaining about it on a blog, so I don't mind talking about it.
I have like a bad boy image to my mom who feels she did a horrible job raising me, so she takes the blame on herself and relents to me not getting married. I'm cool with that actually! Maybe because of my extraordinary preferences and unwillingness to be in a relationship regardless of how attracted I feel and just from being shy about approaching a woman and then not getting any reply out of her, I'm just made to stay single my whole life. So far, I can live with it. I'm practically a nobody who is trying to get six pack abs and gain a million dollars! Even if I have those things, I'm still a nobody who is trying to be a practicing Christian.
That's a bunch of bullocks! One group of people says that it's mixed teaching and they act so mad in person about it. Yeah well, the Apostle Paul states in the New Testament that when people are faking their Christian lives and doing good stuff out of it, he'll settle for it because it's about bringing people to the knowledge of Jesus and everything good about having a relationship with him. Overall, no alive person nor angel nor demon has the ability to judge who goes to heaven or hell at the end of a person's life. Nobody really knows if a serial killer who gave up his life all of a sudden to say that he wants to be in heaven is going to be there, except for God.
We just don't know, but what's weird is that when the Bible says something is evil in practice, there are people who still practice it while trying to reason that it's something else that the Bible is mentioning. I'm sorry to say this but having the greatest physical intimacy with the same gender is not advocated by the Bible. Adam and Eve were created for marriage. God states that some men and women are not born to be married, so when those urges for the same gender arrive, maybe it's because of upbringing and for probably exercising humility by not doing that sort of thing! I'm believing that there might not be anything wrong with living together while not doing that crazy deed.
Well, I've mentioned that I am very picky. I don't even know if I want to have a relationship with a lady who shows a little remote interest to me. I've had an opportunity with someone because she stated an interest and I was like what? the whole time. Was she in it for the money? My sister was angry because she just gets moody like I do with her when my mom said for her to fix me up. It's funny drama so I don't care about being open about it. I think it's funny to be sad about being lonely and complaining about it on a blog, so I don't mind talking about it.
I have like a bad boy image to my mom who feels she did a horrible job raising me, so she takes the blame on herself and relents to me not getting married. I'm cool with that actually! Maybe because of my extraordinary preferences and unwillingness to be in a relationship regardless of how attracted I feel and just from being shy about approaching a woman and then not getting any reply out of her, I'm just made to stay single my whole life. So far, I can live with it. I'm practically a nobody who is trying to get six pack abs and gain a million dollars! Even if I have those things, I'm still a nobody who is trying to be a practicing Christian.
Morning Passing By
The reason why I'm able to be so open and blunt is mainly because I see it as humorous to myself. Some people may not catch on or understand me unless I explain things in further detail, but that's just normal even though it annoys me but doesn't for me to question others. I guess I have a weird double standard.
Okay, so I feel pretty dumb about some things. If there is not a real future from having no absolute, true interest from lacking something, then I might as well just pawn it. I'm saying this because I'm feeling rather numb about looking at airbrushed professional photos of models and can't constantly do it. It wears me out, so I'm like how can I be in a relationship just for a woman's beauty?
I think I want to be more about leaning on the Lord's understanding. A buddy said that he will settle with being the family dog if he ever gets to be around God's children. It's pretty funny to me and also I think it's a humble remark from him. I showed him Mark 3:35 which has Jesus saying that whoever does the will of God is his brother and sister and mother. This remark came after someone mentioned to Jesus that his earthly family was looking for him. Pretty weird reply, but nonetheless it's about God's eternal family and there seems to be a depiction of sharing fellowship with the Lord in some type of equality which is amazing.
Actually I think my buddy knows that he can't fully obey the Lord's commands because nobody can and he wants to accept any part of the Lord's blessing from realizing how good it was for everyone when Jesus died on the cross.
Nothing Fancy
I guess I'm about personally controlling my hormones now. I need to try to be nice with people, so it's important for me to be a little careful. Besides getting away with being in big trouble a lot of times I've almost went into it, it's actually pretty funny mishaps even though they are highly inappropriate for humans of all ages.
Yeah, I don't deserve a girlfriend or anything and I'm not really that smart. I just try to make an effort whenever I can to do what I want at times. Right now, I really just want to be full of energy and strong and do a lot of interesting things like flipping around my body and doing some martial arts with parkour action. I would like to dunk while being only 5' 3" too.
Being short like some other girls is what it is. I'm just a guy in place of that and just don't really want to date taller women than me, and I'm just so picky even with the short ladies. I guess that's why I haven't settled down at the super old age of below 33. I'm going to be 40-something pretty soon in like another decade.
Yeah, I don't deserve a girlfriend or anything and I'm not really that smart. I just try to make an effort whenever I can to do what I want at times. Right now, I really just want to be full of energy and strong and do a lot of interesting things like flipping around my body and doing some martial arts with parkour action. I would like to dunk while being only 5' 3" too.
Being short like some other girls is what it is. I'm just a guy in place of that and just don't really want to date taller women than me, and I'm just so picky even with the short ladies. I guess that's why I haven't settled down at the super old age of below 33. I'm going to be 40-something pretty soon in like another decade.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Simple Layout
I'll be maxing out on a set of push-ups, sit-ups, and then running for about 20 minutes each day. That's pretty much going to be my work out. I'll be adding on maxing out on pull-ups too. I'm getting very addicted to Magic: the Gathering. I'm starting to not care about winning or losing at it now, so I think I'll just lay off of it.
With all the boredom I have, I need to do really good and try my best with rolling along.
With all the boredom I have, I need to do really good and try my best with rolling along.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Going To Live With It
I guess the irritated feelings I'm constantly getting, which I equate to being angry is that I want to still be a friend to the person I'm just annoyed by. I think I like to be a hopeless dreamer, while not caring about the other person's feelings. I pretty much went viral over the web with them in giving them a beat down while just being honest. I admit it. I'm making fun of them because I'm mad at the same time. It's abusive language and yet, they seem to have not been too taken back by it. I think they were in the beginning, but now, maybe they are having second thoughts about bringing me down.
I realize that this motivational drive from anger that inspires me to get nothing done could be a waste of time. I'm still playing Magic: the Gathering. I guess it fell out of my radar from being angry at stuff. Another thing is that I'm actually working out little by little, which is surprising for an angry person like me. Finally, I'm actually investing my money and sweating it out while loving the thrill of the ups and downs of the business.
There are two rules to play of the game of investing. Rule 1: protect your account, meaning never go bankrupt by leaving enough room in your account to bounce back, even if you were to lose that 99.999999% sure bet. Rule 2: go with your gut feelings.
I realize that this motivational drive from anger that inspires me to get nothing done could be a waste of time. I'm still playing Magic: the Gathering. I guess it fell out of my radar from being angry at stuff. Another thing is that I'm actually working out little by little, which is surprising for an angry person like me. Finally, I'm actually investing my money and sweating it out while loving the thrill of the ups and downs of the business.
There are two rules to play of the game of investing. Rule 1: protect your account, meaning never go bankrupt by leaving enough room in your account to bounce back, even if you were to lose that 99.999999% sure bet. Rule 2: go with your gut feelings.
Reasoning With Myself
Reasoning with myself is something I really need to do a lot more. I'm practically just letting myself get carried away with reading news about professional sports. I guess that's normal for a guy born and having grown up in America with parents who liked to argue in a language I didn't understand. It was so annoying for me!
I get carried away from getting mad, so I just want to give a fit. Instead of showing that like a little kid, I do the grown up version which is complaining! I don't complain like a normal adult. I do it in a manner that's very insulting to others. I don't admit to it, but yeah, I'm still trying to get away with it by being nice. I think from being short, I try to be passive aggressive by nature and want to do all of that petty talking behind people's backs like women are prone to do. However, from being a dude, I just want to go all macho and tell people off in their faces.
From the combination of those two abusive qualities of mine, it irritates the heck out of people and fires them up to start yelling and saying stuff that annoys me even more than they already are! I'm not a very direct kind of guy, so by holding myself back in writing, I think some people who were mad at me smelled blood and went in for what they thought was going to be an easy kill. It didn't work out for them because now I'm overly direct with those people. Also another factor to the former softness I had is that I stopped caring. However, from just being mad, I want to be their friend.
I get carried away from getting mad, so I just want to give a fit. Instead of showing that like a little kid, I do the grown up version which is complaining! I don't complain like a normal adult. I do it in a manner that's very insulting to others. I don't admit to it, but yeah, I'm still trying to get away with it by being nice. I think from being short, I try to be passive aggressive by nature and want to do all of that petty talking behind people's backs like women are prone to do. However, from being a dude, I just want to go all macho and tell people off in their faces.
From the combination of those two abusive qualities of mine, it irritates the heck out of people and fires them up to start yelling and saying stuff that annoys me even more than they already are! I'm not a very direct kind of guy, so by holding myself back in writing, I think some people who were mad at me smelled blood and went in for what they thought was going to be an easy kill. It didn't work out for them because now I'm overly direct with those people. Also another factor to the former softness I had is that I stopped caring. However, from just being mad, I want to be their friend.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Following Through
It's pretty much about catching myself, but I really have nothing going for me right now. I can just say that Jesus rocks and that I'm trying to do my part with that on here so far. Okay, I believe in Christ and that he rose from the dead and he will come back. That's what I believe and I want to read the Bible more and be changed spiritually from understanding the Scriptures better.
Okay, that pretty much wraps up my talk about being a Christian. I'm still going to try to make it sound cool with being a Christian though, even if some people in the world think it's lame and stupid. I'm pretty insensitive, so I'm trying to understand people's motives but it seems like I'm about trying to stay clear and being nice about it, so I don't seem to get too much conflicts out of that.
I'm not going to like breath down someone's throat and say that God loves him and that the Lord wants him to go to heaven and that it's possible for him. It's like a process, but what I like is realizing your flaws on your own and from that how the Bible can help put the pieces together and to provide you with this insurmountable peace and joy in the Lord's name.
Okay, that pretty much wraps up my talk about being a Christian. I'm still going to try to make it sound cool with being a Christian though, even if some people in the world think it's lame and stupid. I'm pretty insensitive, so I'm trying to understand people's motives but it seems like I'm about trying to stay clear and being nice about it, so I don't seem to get too much conflicts out of that.
I'm not going to like breath down someone's throat and say that God loves him and that the Lord wants him to go to heaven and that it's possible for him. It's like a process, but what I like is realizing your flaws on your own and from that how the Bible can help put the pieces together and to provide you with this insurmountable peace and joy in the Lord's name.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Simple Things To Do
It's nothing much for me. I'm going to turn it into a routine. I guess playing poker isn't really what I had in mind, so I'm going to let that go. Playing Magic the Gathering is really fun, don't get me wrong, but I need to not let it get to me so much now.
Okay, I'm just going to read the Bible, exercise, and trade. With the free time I have left, I'm just going to try to read around and get better at trading. That's pretty much all I really have going for me. The weekend is where I'm really going to try to socialize with people then. I might as well just go extend myself out and work on being a more social person and hopefully I can connect better with a few people and find a nice person to bond with who I can be happy with.
I just need to stop wasting my time in places that I don't need to now. With those cravings that I have, I'm realizing that it's leading me nowhere. I need to fix it.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Nothing New Really
It's pretty much the same old try to make money with trading currency while avoiding on playing Magic: the Gathering and hitting the gym everyday! I'm looking to go out and socialize a bit more so I'm grateful for all the friends I have accumulated over the past and to still be invited and have some coming to my all-out fancy birthday dinners.
I'm becoming a lot more calmer through the troubles some people want to put me through and to have a relatively decent understanding of what's bothering them. It's like no one wants to approach me about something they see wrong with me, anymore. I mean I'm pretty cool about not being a sore loser nor rub-it-in-your-face type of guy. I think that's why I'm still likable and approachable.
I don't think it really matters that much now dealing with some negative people. They just want to blow something out of proportion sometimes and end up losing it. It's really easy to start being disrespectful and complaining in a petty manner to just get away with stuff when you are angry. I'm going to have to load up on some self-defense skills and apply some of my deterring methods that I've been learning.
From being straight forward and not really hiding anything, it's been making a good female friend who is pretty shallow and delicate more accepting of me. She's pretty complicated and a little annoying, but I put up with it for a learning experience of communicating with a slightly stubborn woman. The Bible's ways are really true. Honesty is like a kiss on the lips. It might sting when you reveal something negative, but that's just the structure of how things are sometimes. Fortunately, I love to have a great laugh while I'm angry and getting to people by relying on my opinion and saying negative things about them that they can hear or read. In the end though, the honesty and straight-forward values just makes me seem more stable to others who aren't going through bad times, so the person I'm mad at has to accept some type of loss in the end. It's been making more bolder and understanding my ways. It's like being blunt in those heated moments has been my best treatment option for anger management therapy.
I'm becoming a lot more calmer through the troubles some people want to put me through and to have a relatively decent understanding of what's bothering them. It's like no one wants to approach me about something they see wrong with me, anymore. I mean I'm pretty cool about not being a sore loser nor rub-it-in-your-face type of guy. I think that's why I'm still likable and approachable.
I don't think it really matters that much now dealing with some negative people. They just want to blow something out of proportion sometimes and end up losing it. It's really easy to start being disrespectful and complaining in a petty manner to just get away with stuff when you are angry. I'm going to have to load up on some self-defense skills and apply some of my deterring methods that I've been learning.
From being straight forward and not really hiding anything, it's been making a good female friend who is pretty shallow and delicate more accepting of me. She's pretty complicated and a little annoying, but I put up with it for a learning experience of communicating with a slightly stubborn woman. The Bible's ways are really true. Honesty is like a kiss on the lips. It might sting when you reveal something negative, but that's just the structure of how things are sometimes. Fortunately, I love to have a great laugh while I'm angry and getting to people by relying on my opinion and saying negative things about them that they can hear or read. In the end though, the honesty and straight-forward values just makes me seem more stable to others who aren't going through bad times, so the person I'm mad at has to accept some type of loss in the end. It's been making more bolder and understanding my ways. It's like being blunt in those heated moments has been my best treatment option for anger management therapy.
Taking It Slow
I'm really not so worried about having to watch out for myself to just be accepted in a social crowd. I guess getting to be around the right type of people can take some time, so I believe it's normal to depart casually from certain groups.
From comparing some beautiful photos of famous women and their current state, I have noticed that the visual enjoyment of them being attractive didn't really retain itself. It's like just because a woman is pretty, it shouldn't really be the only reason for me to want to marry her. The physical beauty from being young isn't going to last! There's just no way for a real-life woman to compete with an air-brushed photo.
From comparing some beautiful photos of famous women and their current state, I have noticed that the visual enjoyment of them being attractive didn't really retain itself. It's like just because a woman is pretty, it shouldn't really be the only reason for me to want to marry her. The physical beauty from being young isn't going to last! There's just no way for a real-life woman to compete with an air-brushed photo.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Simple Plans
There's no reason for me to reveal my plans with people who I suspect are trying to do something bad with me. If they have that negative impression from whatever delusional train they got on, then I might as well not feed them any more thoughts and just start doing stuff without telling them my purpose because I don't have to.
Okay that being said, it's pretty simple for me. Becoming a millionaire with six pack abs! I don't care what the accusations are with me being a bad Christian. I am still going to read the Bible whenever I can!
I guess my dream job is really doing convenient trading with currency and being successful at it eventually. Even though I'm not that great yet, it's still a moving experience for me each time I try to gain some knowledge for it. I might go back to playing Magic: the Gathering, but right now, I want let that subside for a little bit. I need to try to loosen up my distractions from being angry at some long term incidents where I end up becoming motivated and stay like that without finishing anything I had ever planned.
Okay that being said, it's pretty simple for me. Becoming a millionaire with six pack abs! I don't care what the accusations are with me being a bad Christian. I am still going to read the Bible whenever I can!
I guess my dream job is really doing convenient trading with currency and being successful at it eventually. Even though I'm not that great yet, it's still a moving experience for me each time I try to gain some knowledge for it. I might go back to playing Magic: the Gathering, but right now, I want let that subside for a little bit. I need to try to loosen up my distractions from being angry at some long term incidents where I end up becoming motivated and stay like that without finishing anything I had ever planned.
Nothing Much
I'm starting to be about relying on the Spirit of God from reading the Bible and praying and trying to spend at least a little time carrying out some agenda in obedience of God's Word. It's pretty dry at times, I won't lie even though I'm a believer and then I feel like falling asleep. I mean I could use it as a good tool for falling asleep while I'm in bed!
It's all good though. I'm starting to realize that when I'm mad at someone, I still want to be his or her friend just because of the constant feeling of irritation I'm getting. It just makes me want to push harder and go to the extreme for something.
I didn't know what the heck I was doing at the time, but the wrong person gave me a restraining order. She couldn't extend the restraining order at court, so I went back and scared her really silly. I even sent her harassing messages that was making fun of her and then it's like she completely shut down online with the places that I was able to attack her at with my full name boldly!
A friend says that I should be nice to her because all women need some loving and was laughing about it. It hasn't really affected my social life that much, even if people know that I had a restraining order. I don't really know what the big deal is about it now! I'm just mad and want to be her friend because of it.
Yeah, this time around if anybody wants to get a restraining order on me, I'm just going to make fun of the person on the paper I get to submit to court. I'm going to make it the best memorable experience I can in laughing at the person and discussing in person about a lot of the person's negatives in a truthful manner, even if it's inappropriate because I won't even care how the person feels. Never trying to see the person again on my own efforts won't be so hard anymore, like it was back then for me. I didn't fail from having a hard time, but I would like to try to make it easier on me because I have a load of other stuff to do anyway, so this might really help me and not for the other person and might even discourage them. By being discouraged from putting a restraining order on me, I could then try to be a friend to them because I'm just mad at them and want to be that way!
It's all good though. I'm starting to realize that when I'm mad at someone, I still want to be his or her friend just because of the constant feeling of irritation I'm getting. It just makes me want to push harder and go to the extreme for something.
I didn't know what the heck I was doing at the time, but the wrong person gave me a restraining order. She couldn't extend the restraining order at court, so I went back and scared her really silly. I even sent her harassing messages that was making fun of her and then it's like she completely shut down online with the places that I was able to attack her at with my full name boldly!
A friend says that I should be nice to her because all women need some loving and was laughing about it. It hasn't really affected my social life that much, even if people know that I had a restraining order. I don't really know what the big deal is about it now! I'm just mad and want to be her friend because of it.
Yeah, this time around if anybody wants to get a restraining order on me, I'm just going to make fun of the person on the paper I get to submit to court. I'm going to make it the best memorable experience I can in laughing at the person and discussing in person about a lot of the person's negatives in a truthful manner, even if it's inappropriate because I won't even care how the person feels. Never trying to see the person again on my own efforts won't be so hard anymore, like it was back then for me. I didn't fail from having a hard time, but I would like to try to make it easier on me because I have a load of other stuff to do anyway, so this might really help me and not for the other person and might even discourage them. By being discouraged from putting a restraining order on me, I could then try to be a friend to them because I'm just mad at them and want to be that way!
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Craziness
Almost 5-6 years have gone by since I've been stressed out by a church kicking me out! They aren't the best of the bunch in this world, when there's already so many to choose from. The Bible states that God's people will follow the Lord from reading Scriptures. How is it possible when there's so many differing views?
Well, if you go back to the basics, most of it is laid out in a straight-forward way. Then it goes off into different viewpoints based on how you look at it, but still the most basic things make up the foundation for being a true believer.
Honestly, enough with the digression, I'm really ticked off about it to this day and feel numb about the people's concerns there. I think I can go back and cause a funny mess for them because I'm in the mood for just ridiculing them. I think I'm what you call a functional, angry person. I'll still be your friend and hang out with you, even though I'm mad at you.
I'm practically blurting out the names of two women around my age named Betty and Annie. I personally nicknamed Annie as "N-O" in my thoughts and wrote a sarcastic love song that everybody thinks is lovely about Betty on the piano. I even have that music recorded on my phone. It's okay I guess, but I could improve some more on my singing.
More and more, I'm feeling and making the effort to part with them in my head and keep the fun song I got out of it!
Well, if you go back to the basics, most of it is laid out in a straight-forward way. Then it goes off into different viewpoints based on how you look at it, but still the most basic things make up the foundation for being a true believer.
Honestly, enough with the digression, I'm really ticked off about it to this day and feel numb about the people's concerns there. I think I can go back and cause a funny mess for them because I'm in the mood for just ridiculing them. I think I'm what you call a functional, angry person. I'll still be your friend and hang out with you, even though I'm mad at you.
I'm practically blurting out the names of two women around my age named Betty and Annie. I personally nicknamed Annie as "N-O" in my thoughts and wrote a sarcastic love song that everybody thinks is lovely about Betty on the piano. I even have that music recorded on my phone. It's okay I guess, but I could improve some more on my singing.
More and more, I'm feeling and making the effort to part with them in my head and keep the fun song I got out of it!
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Back To Where I Started
It looks like I'm still in the mood for getting a six pack. Nothing new there, and I still want to be a millionaire at the same time. I think my dream job is literally trading currency for profit. Right now, I'm pretty much rolling along with it. I'm basically picking the option of being a speculator, which is managing risk in a highly volatile market. I guess poker players who make a living off of it will somewhat fall into the same category also because of the long up and down swings a player can face in the game.
I think it's not uncommon for people to judge that investing in stocks is pretty much gambling. From reading some statistics, the major players of the currency market which include international banks are going to be the winners. My job is to try to locate a convenient trendy market and ride it so I can make a few thousand dollars off of their million dollar transactions.
It's exciting and I no longer have that craving for being greedy with my money. I've just got used to it and would like to help out starving orphans in the world, if I can earn a lucrative income off of this and probably travel the world while playing golf with someone I ended up marrying.
I think it's not uncommon for people to judge that investing in stocks is pretty much gambling. From reading some statistics, the major players of the currency market which include international banks are going to be the winners. My job is to try to locate a convenient trendy market and ride it so I can make a few thousand dollars off of their million dollar transactions.
It's exciting and I no longer have that craving for being greedy with my money. I've just got used to it and would like to help out starving orphans in the world, if I can earn a lucrative income off of this and probably travel the world while playing golf with someone I ended up marrying.
Reaching the Last Straw
I'm starting to reach a personal longing where I just need to let go of playing Magic: the Gathering and just be happy with what I got going. I'm basically just playing out of habit to test new decks, but I'm met with practically a control deck from my other opponents so that slows games down.
Overall, I think it's just about having fun and losing doesn't really matter that much anyway. If I'm not in any tournaments, then I guess I'm just trying to win all the time because it's fun. Losing is okay too and it's just the way things are going to go.
Overall, I think it's just about having fun and losing doesn't really matter that much anyway. If I'm not in any tournaments, then I guess I'm just trying to win all the time because it's fun. Losing is okay too and it's just the way things are going to go.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Happiness Counts
I'm realizing my pattern of just playing Magic: the Gathering whenever I get the chance. I'm trying to limit the approach to it now. I've realized that since there's also luck involved, I have to accept defeat sometimes instead of mulling about how I lost. I hate doing that, so I end up spending a lot more time to try to create a better destiny for myself and then end up testing it with others who are also good as well.
The one thing that sort of sucks is that I cannot test my strategies with winning over people that well. Like, I wish I could get a few losers to add me back as a friend on Facebook, but I don't really have some data to figure that out. It's like I have to use intuition and one thing I don't want to to do is get really angry and then start doing random acts of injustice to the person. I've done it once, but I was so deceptive about it that the other people didn't go after me. Maybe, it inspired them to laugh because the last I heard is that they were open to me coming back. I heard this idea from the person I least wanted to get it from. She even made a claim that she's crazy and is willing to send me to the grave because I bug her so much!
Maybe, I can be rude again and leave the church and do rude stuff to make myself laugh and then have an attempt of making some cops angry with me, all for just laughs and to be a troll because I'm just in that mood. I'll have to see how it plays out, but I do normally like to be a generally nice guy.
I just have a problem with being stubborn about some things, and I realize it. I think many arrogant men today think of it as an advantage, so complaining about it is basically a weakness. Them complaining is funny to behold even though it's annoying and you don't realize sometimes.
You know one girl coined it the best. She was open to dating me, and I should have left that one humble and pretty church girl for her. She's so angelic and was going to be with one and fighting for her wouldn't even make any sense. I'm so dumb for not realizing that.
The one thing that sort of sucks is that I cannot test my strategies with winning over people that well. Like, I wish I could get a few losers to add me back as a friend on Facebook, but I don't really have some data to figure that out. It's like I have to use intuition and one thing I don't want to to do is get really angry and then start doing random acts of injustice to the person. I've done it once, but I was so deceptive about it that the other people didn't go after me. Maybe, it inspired them to laugh because the last I heard is that they were open to me coming back. I heard this idea from the person I least wanted to get it from. She even made a claim that she's crazy and is willing to send me to the grave because I bug her so much!
Maybe, I can be rude again and leave the church and do rude stuff to make myself laugh and then have an attempt of making some cops angry with me, all for just laughs and to be a troll because I'm just in that mood. I'll have to see how it plays out, but I do normally like to be a generally nice guy.
I just have a problem with being stubborn about some things, and I realize it. I think many arrogant men today think of it as an advantage, so complaining about it is basically a weakness. Them complaining is funny to behold even though it's annoying and you don't realize sometimes.
You know one girl coined it the best. She was open to dating me, and I should have left that one humble and pretty church girl for her. She's so angelic and was going to be with one and fighting for her wouldn't even make any sense. I'm so dumb for not realizing that.
Taking It Too Seriously
I'm playing Magic: the Gathering well maybe a little too much. I've just learned that the game is very similar to poker in a way which makes it almost a non-satisfying route for me. Fortunately, I'm not gambling in the game but from what I've read in the past, players used to gamble with cards in that the winner would take it.
What I recall reading is that one guy had a very cheap deck in that his cards were not that useful, so that even though he lost, he didn't really have to care. However, he would win at least once so from all the losses he had, he would trade back multiple cards from that one game he won, which is smart!
I wish I could do that in poker, and end up playing for free to make money, but I guess that's not happening. Nowadays, only the very best poker players get sponsored to play for free. That being said, it's really time to reassess my passions.
Knowing that Magic is a combined game of skill and luck, the beauty comes in building a deck that suits your interests. What's so awesome is that the combined agenda for most players is to pretty much win and whatever route is taken whether conventional or not, it's about being happy with what you got. Win or lose, it really doesn't matter but winning makes it so much more nicer. I'm an addict to being a winner, practically! I can't get enough of it, but losing some good battles can be frustrating also in a great way because it gives me more better insight to improve my game play.
What I recall reading is that one guy had a very cheap deck in that his cards were not that useful, so that even though he lost, he didn't really have to care. However, he would win at least once so from all the losses he had, he would trade back multiple cards from that one game he won, which is smart!
I wish I could do that in poker, and end up playing for free to make money, but I guess that's not happening. Nowadays, only the very best poker players get sponsored to play for free. That being said, it's really time to reassess my passions.
Knowing that Magic is a combined game of skill and luck, the beauty comes in building a deck that suits your interests. What's so awesome is that the combined agenda for most players is to pretty much win and whatever route is taken whether conventional or not, it's about being happy with what you got. Win or lose, it really doesn't matter but winning makes it so much more nicer. I'm an addict to being a winner, practically! I can't get enough of it, but losing some good battles can be frustrating also in a great way because it gives me more better insight to improve my game play.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Just Being Dedicated
I'm going to go after just rededicating my life and organizing it better. Instead of passing the time while having fun or angry from losing a lot in Magic: the Gathering, I'm going to let that be my reward for accomplishing boring or complicated tasks and doing it all completely.
If I make a mistake and left something out and enjoy Magic, then yeah, I caught a break and going to have fun regardless! Okay, I'll have to get my urges to settle down and do what I forgot, like I might pull the whole I have to go thing while I'm playing myself or some worthy opponent whose ticking me off from beating me silly!
If I make a mistake and left something out and enjoy Magic, then yeah, I caught a break and going to have fun regardless! Okay, I'll have to get my urges to settle down and do what I forgot, like I might pull the whole I have to go thing while I'm playing myself or some worthy opponent whose ticking me off from beating me silly!
Work vs Reward System
I'm going to try a personal reinforcement system. In a nutshell, it's the common "work hard, play hard " mantra that everybody likes to come up with. Note hard work comes first then after accomplishing something and while feeling good and on top of your game, you end up playing hard while doing something you know you like.
What about not knowing what you like doing? Well then, with my system, you would not be able to use it. School and working at the job is all hard work. Playing video games or going out trying to make a girlfriend can be painfully fun especially with all those blisters you could get from pushing buttons and getting slapped for saying the wrong thing, respectively.
I can't say I've been slapped, but I've been shouted at for saying that a woman looks fat because she had a baby and didn't get rid of the added weight. It wasn't really a nice thing to say, but I was just wondering why a bunch of shallow guys would reject her after she mentioned about not having quality dates with men.
In a way, I get to maintain my urges with playing Magic: the Gathering after being satisfied with the work into doing something. Right now, it's like all play and feeling out of whack and lot of guilt because I'm not doing enough work to get somewhere in life. I mean I have a job where I try very hard to concentrate at it, so in a way, I'm lucky to have some type of income. I just know I could do better and be living my dream!
What about not knowing what you like doing? Well then, with my system, you would not be able to use it. School and working at the job is all hard work. Playing video games or going out trying to make a girlfriend can be painfully fun especially with all those blisters you could get from pushing buttons and getting slapped for saying the wrong thing, respectively.
I can't say I've been slapped, but I've been shouted at for saying that a woman looks fat because she had a baby and didn't get rid of the added weight. It wasn't really a nice thing to say, but I was just wondering why a bunch of shallow guys would reject her after she mentioned about not having quality dates with men.
In a way, I get to maintain my urges with playing Magic: the Gathering after being satisfied with the work into doing something. Right now, it's like all play and feeling out of whack and lot of guilt because I'm not doing enough work to get somewhere in life. I mean I have a job where I try very hard to concentrate at it, so in a way, I'm lucky to have some type of income. I just know I could do better and be living my dream!
Controlling Urges
This one guy I know is pretty funny in that he admits to having urges to doing something that's considerably odd, but makes his brother feel bad for him. If someone says he or she feels bad for me, I'll take it and use it to my advantage!
Pretty much my urges are just playing Magic: the Gathering and watching TV when I get home and snacking on an ice cream bar. That's pretty much it and it takes up a few hours at least for me to get out of that mentality.
I have so much ambition and stuff that I want to accomplish. It's all filled up in my head, and I feel like I'm not living up to my fullest potential or even making any strides for it. I want to get on the go with it and constantly have this reminder and push that I'm going the right direction in life which is eventually going to make me happy.
Well there's something I can do about it and it's just being consistent and allowing myself to suffer emotionally with the boredom and lack of patience I have. Maybe, some of those things might not really be worth the reason and wait after all. It could really be just for vanity after all, but it would be so cool at the same time. I feel like that while I'm playing Magic a lot.
Pretty much my urges are just playing Magic: the Gathering and watching TV when I get home and snacking on an ice cream bar. That's pretty much it and it takes up a few hours at least for me to get out of that mentality.
I have so much ambition and stuff that I want to accomplish. It's all filled up in my head, and I feel like I'm not living up to my fullest potential or even making any strides for it. I want to get on the go with it and constantly have this reminder and push that I'm going the right direction in life which is eventually going to make me happy.
Well there's something I can do about it and it's just being consistent and allowing myself to suffer emotionally with the boredom and lack of patience I have. Maybe, some of those things might not really be worth the reason and wait after all. It could really be just for vanity after all, but it would be so cool at the same time. I feel like that while I'm playing Magic a lot.
Rededicating
Mainly, I've been hanging out with a buddy who isn't really that socially adept. He says that he's a natural loner and will avoid conflict at all costs. He's really happy that way or it seems he can manage that way somehow, as long as he also knows he has a place in the world. He's actually adopted a belief of infinite, parallel universes like the ones you find in comic books and that in one of them, he's a billionaire playboy living the life!
You've got to be kidding me. The answer isn't out there where he can't tap into it. It lies somewhere in this reality. I personally believe in the joy of a person's soul through being happy in the Savior of this world, who sacrificed himself in the Roman Empire period so that those who would believe upon him would find redemption.
You've got to be kidding me. The answer isn't out there where he can't tap into it. It lies somewhere in this reality. I personally believe in the joy of a person's soul through being happy in the Savior of this world, who sacrificed himself in the Roman Empire period so that those who would believe upon him would find redemption.
Relaxing State of Mind
I'm starting to realize that one of the secrets to my successful living really deals with staying calm and assertive in situations that are displeasing to me. I really need to get back into reading the Bible and praying to the Lord. It just brings me a good sense of well-being.
I'm also trying to get up and work out. I'm going to try do that now. No TV and playing video games. Just reading about practical stuff and entertaining myself with an imagination. I'm not really going to spend my more time playing poker either anymore.
I guess my dream job is really about becoming a successful currency trader and that's pretty much it. I'm going at it right now with about a $5,000 account.
I'm also trying to get up and work out. I'm going to try do that now. No TV and playing video games. Just reading about practical stuff and entertaining myself with an imagination. I'm not really going to spend my more time playing poker either anymore.
I guess my dream job is really about becoming a successful currency trader and that's pretty much it. I'm going at it right now with about a $5,000 account.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Another Flawless Victory
This is another one of my posts with some vanity in it. I beat a rookie at Magic: the Gathering, and I ended up scoring a perfect knockout in that card game. It was fun, but it was like taking candy from a baby.
Okay, he had some powerful spells but I ended up just playing a counter spell which is a strong defensive control mechanism in the game that the blue cards get. I remember playing other card games like Star Wars and Pokemon which were also addicting, but Magic has stood the test of time for me. I'm still playing it to this day.
I'm feeling mighty proud of my small achievement and feel like I need to take a few victory laps around the gym. I'm going to go try to do that, but I have some things I need to take care of right now, so I'm going to focus on those things.
Because I won with a landslide victory, I feel confident today in that I don't need to play anymore Magic for now. I like the setup that I have, and it's pretty strong and not that bad.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Reassessing Myself
I'm giving in to a lot of minor fluff, which is just doing nothing but wasting time. I'm just being blunt with myself, even though it hurts to know the truth about it now. It's really that urge to like check up on my favorite sports channel and watch those reruns or watch some contestants trying to survive the wild. They make it look like they aren't really suffering and that I could do it too, but I'm sure a lot more degree of difficulty and experience goes into it.
I wish I was so smooth like that, but I'm just not. I need to accept it. I know it's pretty normal with what I'm going through, but I'm like so aware of it and gradually just not caring. I mean I have like this cold heart to it and there are days where I just do it while disregarding everything else. I could be calling up someone to help them out and feel good from doing it. I just keep forgetting about those things because I want to be busy with my own hobbies.
Anyway, I'm finding that blonde girls aren't really the best to date like how it was back in the day. Right now, Asian women are leading the way! Basically, my sister could do it too, but I don't think she wants to. She's actually a lot more sociable person these days and I think what irritates her gets to me also, and she's just had some of her struggles that she wanted to have full control over. I mean she was open about some things and others, she just wanted to keep it private.
For the little guy that I am, I'm not really that little. I'm actually not that bad, but know that I could be better. I guess from playing Magic: the Gathering, it's bringing out a side of me that I've kept under wraps, which is trying to be a perfectionist and attaining satisfaction at a consistent rate. It doesn't hurt to always do things to make myself happy, while being lawful.
It's funny how when I talk about God, it's like some crazy people out there could be thinking about terrorism! It's like the legal enforcers will want to get in their cars and buzz off their sirens to say that they would get me, if they could but they are busy. Something weird like that. I'm actually trying very hard to not cuss in writing, which is something I haven't done to a full, explicit way. After all this writing and anger problems and complaints about stupid people, I still haven't made an insult calling them some traditional bad words. I guess I don't want to feel like a buffoon and give into some people's outrage.
I wish I was so smooth like that, but I'm just not. I need to accept it. I know it's pretty normal with what I'm going through, but I'm like so aware of it and gradually just not caring. I mean I have like this cold heart to it and there are days where I just do it while disregarding everything else. I could be calling up someone to help them out and feel good from doing it. I just keep forgetting about those things because I want to be busy with my own hobbies.
Anyway, I'm finding that blonde girls aren't really the best to date like how it was back in the day. Right now, Asian women are leading the way! Basically, my sister could do it too, but I don't think she wants to. She's actually a lot more sociable person these days and I think what irritates her gets to me also, and she's just had some of her struggles that she wanted to have full control over. I mean she was open about some things and others, she just wanted to keep it private.
For the little guy that I am, I'm not really that little. I'm actually not that bad, but know that I could be better. I guess from playing Magic: the Gathering, it's bringing out a side of me that I've kept under wraps, which is trying to be a perfectionist and attaining satisfaction at a consistent rate. It doesn't hurt to always do things to make myself happy, while being lawful.
It's funny how when I talk about God, it's like some crazy people out there could be thinking about terrorism! It's like the legal enforcers will want to get in their cars and buzz off their sirens to say that they would get me, if they could but they are busy. Something weird like that. I'm actually trying very hard to not cuss in writing, which is something I haven't done to a full, explicit way. After all this writing and anger problems and complaints about stupid people, I still haven't made an insult calling them some traditional bad words. I guess I don't want to feel like a buffoon and give into some people's outrage.
Dream Job
I finally have in mind what my dream job is. I never grew up with this assertion to make money off of being a programmer. It was really more like a hobby and I still feel that way to this day. I mean I enjoy the challenges it brings and even though sometimes, I'm not feeling it and it's just a bunch of emptiness and irritation from not getting anything done right, I'm still in the mood for finishing the job.
Computers are pretty much like a lifestyle for me, and it's something that I don't really feel right about competing for. I mean I have a degree in it and have successfully got a 100% and 99.9% grade in my graduate courses, but I could still do better for myself.
I'm pretty much changing my mind back and forth, but what my real dream job is just having one that really isn't the typical 8-10 hour job. I thought I could do it with poker but because of those nasty swings and constant beatings by lucky and irritating opponents, I'm just not cut out for it. There's one guy who puts up with it in the world and he's the best there is at it in the tournament field, Phil Hellmuth. He has 14 World Series bracelets. Wow, that is so unprecedented in poker history!
Computers are pretty much like a lifestyle for me, and it's something that I don't really feel right about competing for. I mean I have a degree in it and have successfully got a 100% and 99.9% grade in my graduate courses, but I could still do better for myself.
I'm pretty much changing my mind back and forth, but what my real dream job is just having one that really isn't the typical 8-10 hour job. I thought I could do it with poker but because of those nasty swings and constant beatings by lucky and irritating opponents, I'm just not cut out for it. There's one guy who puts up with it in the world and he's the best there is at it in the tournament field, Phil Hellmuth. He has 14 World Series bracelets. Wow, that is so unprecedented in poker history!
Is It All Vanity?
From talking to a buddy at work, what you always wish for when it comes true may not be the greatest thing you could imagine anymore. From taking an economics course, I remember the concept of the law of diminishing returns. This is pretty much how when you are satisfied with a demand. From constantly being fed that demand, it gradually lessens.
There's also something called sticky demand from what I remember. These markets are pretty much dealing with those dangerous and highly addictive drugs. It's like you can't get enough of it and want always more. It's a highly profitable field to exploit like some criminals have in the past, but it's life threatening and not enough addicts are responsible about maintaining their own health, so it's illegal.
Yeah, about the mind, it's really to hard to control urges and go after doing the right thing. Once you get sucked into something that really brings you some sort of accomplishment and well-being, it's just hard to be challenged by someone to abandon that. Imagine someone like Christ popped up in your life and told you everything you were doing was wrong, it would be something you either ignore or feel really offended by. What about the other end, where you do actually care about what he said and wanted to listen and change your ways?
There's also something called sticky demand from what I remember. These markets are pretty much dealing with those dangerous and highly addictive drugs. It's like you can't get enough of it and want always more. It's a highly profitable field to exploit like some criminals have in the past, but it's life threatening and not enough addicts are responsible about maintaining their own health, so it's illegal.
Yeah, about the mind, it's really to hard to control urges and go after doing the right thing. Once you get sucked into something that really brings you some sort of accomplishment and well-being, it's just hard to be challenged by someone to abandon that. Imagine someone like Christ popped up in your life and told you everything you were doing was wrong, it would be something you either ignore or feel really offended by. What about the other end, where you do actually care about what he said and wanted to listen and change your ways?
Back To Finding My Way
I have some serious competitive urges with Magic: the Gathering. I'm playing against different styles and it's annoying to lose against them! Oh well, it was still fun to participate with someone. I finally managed to give myself a flawless victory! I was like "Haha, in your face" and then exited the playing field.
I'm finding out that I am struggling with a few styles, but what's really the important thing is just timing and having the right setup which is based on luck! What I love about this game is how I'm constantly being pushed to the limit to improve my strategies and learn new ones from my opponents and then adapt to the ones that I personally favor.
I guess having scrimmages in sports games, like friendly competition against other peers will really help you know your place and what you could do to improve yourself. I mean it's nice or depressing to know our limitations to the game that we are playing, but it's pretty much making a valiant effort from practicing.
I'm finding out that I am struggling with a few styles, but what's really the important thing is just timing and having the right setup which is based on luck! What I love about this game is how I'm constantly being pushed to the limit to improve my strategies and learn new ones from my opponents and then adapt to the ones that I personally favor.
I guess having scrimmages in sports games, like friendly competition against other peers will really help you know your place and what you could do to improve yourself. I mean it's nice or depressing to know our limitations to the game that we are playing, but it's pretty much making a valiant effort from practicing.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Relying On God's Good Timing
A lot of things I'm doing is practically just me wasting time when I could be doing something better. Where I'm at right now is the starting point of ending my useless obsessions and beginning new habits.
I've really lost a lot of interest with doing some things. I'm just not the same anymore. I'm trying to figure out my heart's desires fully and also factoring in if God would be accepting to that lifestyle.
I'm really thinking now that maybe settling down with the right person would be useful in helping me to keep in check the little things in life. I'm doing a lot of little things in place of the big goals that I can't seem to register from having groggy mornings.
I just need to will myself and make stronger decisions, which is going to take some more prayerful thinking.
I've really lost a lot of interest with doing some things. I'm just not the same anymore. I'm trying to figure out my heart's desires fully and also factoring in if God would be accepting to that lifestyle.
I'm really thinking now that maybe settling down with the right person would be useful in helping me to keep in check the little things in life. I'm doing a lot of little things in place of the big goals that I can't seem to register from having groggy mornings.
I just need to will myself and make stronger decisions, which is going to take some more prayerful thinking.
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