Reassessing Myself

I'm giving in to a lot of minor fluff, which is just doing nothing but wasting time. I'm just being blunt with myself, even though it hurts to know the truth about it now. It's really that urge to like check up on my favorite sports channel and watch those reruns or watch some contestants trying to survive the wild. They make it look like they aren't really suffering and that I could do it too, but I'm sure a lot more degree of difficulty and experience goes into it.

I wish I was so smooth like that, but I'm just not. I need to accept it. I know it's pretty normal with what I'm going through, but I'm like so aware of it and gradually just not caring. I mean I have like this cold heart to it and there are days where I just do it while disregarding everything else. I could be calling up someone to help them out and feel good from doing it. I just keep forgetting about those things because I want to be busy with my own hobbies.

Anyway, I'm finding that blonde girls aren't really the best to date like how it was back in the day. Right now, Asian women are leading the way! Basically, my sister could do it too, but I don't think she wants to. She's actually a lot more sociable person these days and I think what irritates her gets to me also, and she's just had some of her struggles that she wanted to have full control over. I mean she was open about some things and others, she just wanted to keep it private.

For the little guy that I am, I'm not really that little. I'm actually not that bad, but know that I could be better. I guess from playing Magic: the Gathering, it's bringing out a side of me that I've kept under wraps, which is trying to be a perfectionist and attaining satisfaction at a consistent rate. It doesn't hurt to always do things to make myself happy, while being lawful.

It's funny how when I talk about God, it's like some crazy people out there could be thinking about terrorism! It's like the legal enforcers will want to get in their cars and buzz off their sirens to say that they would get me, if they could but they are busy. Something weird like that. I'm actually trying very hard to not cuss in writing, which is something I haven't done to a full, explicit way. After all this writing and anger problems and complaints about stupid people, I still haven't made an insult calling them some traditional bad words. I guess I don't want to feel like a buffoon and give into some people's outrage.