I honestly think now that it isn't really about focusing on my bad parts and trying to improve them. It's really about turning my full undivided attention to having a happy relationship with Jesus- not any Mexicans but Yeshua Hamashiach or being shortened down, it becomes Jesus! To be clear for anybody lazy to not think about how I'm trying to be funny, I'm referring to Jesus of Nazareth found in the New Testament. Yeah, I'm a believer and also a follower but not very good at it I suppose after all these years. I realize I'm a mess with living the ideal Christian life.
It's about studying the pages in the whole Bible so I could have a meaningful walk and fellowship with God. He can speak to us directly from reading Scriptures and from having help with the Holy Spirit and other great teachers out there. We can't agree with everything amongst each other, but the main goal that we all can agree upon as Christians is that Jesus died and rose again to atone us of our sins which could lead us to eternal separation from the loving and only omnipotent God of the universe! By believing upon that, God the Father who arts in heaven intends on having fellowship with mankind.
The crazy stuff that I get myself into like cursing around nobody but at my steering wheel before I start hitting the road and reflecting on how I think Annie the old leader from Hope of God Church in Los Angeles is stupid and I used to have a crush on her, yeah, it's a long sentence- I can't believe I used to like her man and it drives me crazy thinking about that still to this day. Yeah, these issues are now popping up and I can spot some wrongs that could make them look bad, so it only made sense with them telling me how they think I'm very smart that they would want me to stay quiet about their negative side out of human nature to be selfish. It also wasn't that serious, so they weren't being pleasant about it and imagine something super serious, then yeah, it's so crazy and things like going to be blown up in smoke.
The great side is that I'm not afraid to speak the truth now and everything going inside of me. To be transparent in other words, it's been really healthy for me. I'm not afraid of getting shot by a terrorist either from speaking my mind to him. Heck, maybe I could convince him to turn to Jesus or be friends with the Mexican named Jesus that he caught along side with me. Okay, whatever and enjoy the laughs!
My viewing of pornography and sexuality is controversial and in a sexual gray area. Meaning, I don't believe in fornication and lusting after a porn star or a really beautiful girl just for the sake of bedding her. I don't care about those things, but at the same time, I've been exploring my sexual organs and yeah, that's just too much to talk about. I really need to love a girl first before I feel somewhat fully aroused sometimes and then I also need to marry her before I go for getting it on all night long but only if she wants to. This is why I need to keep on meeting girls with similar sexual energy that I compose which is hardly anybody because yeah, try keeping up with me since I'm a dude. Certainly and well it's possible but if she's more and wants more than yeah, it's going to be both good and bad on certain days. I can live with that and don't mind because I won't be missing any action when I crave some, so yeah, I just need to find one of those girls who are beautiful and I can connect with now and they dig me as well which is going to be hard.
What I'm looking for is very picky and particular in the area of finding a life sexual partner. I'm finding myself drawn more away and to porn from the reason of never concluding my sexual stuff. What I really need to do is put my focus more on Scriptures and Jesus. The answer really is more Jesus through spending time with studying the Word.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
