Yesterday, I really felt that mental drain from being exhausted and as I looked through my personal list of things to accomplish, I had so much more desires to add on to it! What I had didn't look so bad and I couldn't do them because I needed to rest and get up early for work the next day.
I only accomplished two on my agenda and went off course to do other things with my personal time. Little by little I'm getting better and also it's cool to have a female friend who lets me know her concerns like a baby sister. She sent me around 40 texts the other day while we were discussing about how to plan a trip. It makes me think she's into me a little but in a personal joking manner. Yeah, I think she's nice and has a natural ability to attract males sexually interested in her, but she's not into doing that from caring so much about personal responsibilities and family. She says she loves me quite regularly too, but I'm like all smiles and just really chill while acting like a big bro figure. I actually like it too. To confess, I actually have a bigger mutual bond of attraction with her younger sister than I do with her. Her young age is something that really concerns me a lot even though she's almost in her mid-twenties. I guess that's not too bad, considering my lifestyle being so physically active compared to a regular dude around my age. I'm just short and not really looked at that much. I do really well with other chill people too and that doesn't involve messing around with my social media page.
This gets me to admit that it gets annoying for me when a person has trouble being chill with me. I want to put in a little bit of extra work, but it's just going to end up with me forcing the person to do stuff for me by yelling at him or her and then hanging out later. I feel bad from acting in this manner and it's a constant cycle. I'm starting to get numbed out over it and well, I'm actually mellowing out these days because in the past, I would have gone crazy in a different way than I did back then. Yeah, they were just full of it and being stupid with me. I have an ability to lead people who act that way with me, but it's been something reluctant for me to use because I prefer having a meaningful friendship. I let myself crash and burn and to build myself back up while realizing the actual truth and that after all of that annoying journey, it's not really a big deal to begin with and if I want to take charge, it's still for the taking assuming those people are still there. It's going to wear me out a lot though and I won't know what to do while just going random and annoying the person with that ability to keep them in place while they want to be frustrated. It's because I'm aware of my surroundings quite naturally when it comes to personal interaction in a conflict and I can point a lot of it out just to abuse my privileges.
Using my time management skills, the temptation and pressure is definitely on to do something to that "stupid" crowd I have come to avoid for these last years. With crazy things happening in this world, I would have to bring those up in my conflict with them and just blast them for being silly with their own paranoid feelings and just shout at them all day. I don't want to really give in to those feelings anymore; otherwise, I would have been the same old self and avoided restraining orders but I would have trouble understanding and investing in myself which was the struggle I put myself through so many times. It was a lot of hard work from a mental point of view, and I still have more to do.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
