It could be hormones dying down or something, but pretty ladies' appearances don't really sway me so much anymore. They are very attractive and nice to look at, and I can still feel like I want to have a lot of fun with them, so I guess my hormones aren't all the way to the low and it's just human. I think I've screwed up so many times that I really haven't met someone and I'm getting older.
Maybe I just have a different outlook in life. I'm not a big fan of adversity dealing with people relationships and just haven't met the right girl for me yet to really ask out. There's actually one who I relate to and get along so well with but she's going to be like permanently taken so nothing I can do about it. There's another who is really cute, but I'm just not sure if it would be beneficial yet. On a side note, I might have met one with a lot of sexual energy to offer in a relationship; I can feel it with that one, so I don't have much time to consider with her. I'm going to live out my life trying to be a full-blown Christian so I'm not advocating with practicing fornication. Keep it pure, get married, and then let the marriage bed fall apart from too much partying!
I guess I'll marry late then and possibly have no kids and I can accept it despite my parents not liking it. The only way I will seriously consider getting married to anyone is when I'm able to have so much free time while having got rich with my own business and also being healthy with a physically good looking body. Since dating is meant for purposes of getting married to me, I don't really want to hold anybody back from happiness because I'm just not ready. If it never happens, then I'm cool with it and die a failure practically. It's sad, but I'll learn to manage. I guess my main pursuit in life is really improving upon myself with the Lord's help, so that I will be confident enough to marry somebody someday, even if it's going to be so late. It's pretty embarrassing in a way, but I'm not regretting the personal time I've had all to myself with all the attempts to have fun and satisfy myself.
I have three requirements before I feel confidence to go out and find somebody to marry, it has to be done by myself mainly. It would be nice if I could ease up on my ambition, but it's not my true personality right now and my parents only did so much with raising me. My mom just wasn't that smart enough and always too tired to figure things out for me and provide with helping me out over basic important stuff she assumed people can find out for themselves. I basically relied on myself and was immature all the time while having potential to study my brains out and feel depressed from getting A's and not having fun. I was like this in middle school and throughout first half of high school and I really hated it, so I guess going to the top school wasn't happening for me. I had my chance, but it fell out for me.
Moving on, I don't see it as a bad thing for my friends in the past to get married and some of them being happy or still dealing with a marital issue. It's not bad to have this independence and in a way, it's actually enviable and everybody wants the ideal life as well even though some don't have time to think about it. With my friends telling me that there's nothing wrong with really working on yourself, I guess it's better to wait it out and improve yourself rather than trying to force your own way through being patient and leaving some messy areas out that have room for improvement. I can be happy for my friends who are also doing well.
Enough digressing, to summarize my three requirements as of this moment and this is how I'm living my life, it's crazy, but I think I was born with a personality that is meant for being in a deep and loving relationship with a special woman I have yet to meet or discover right under my nose and in the process of finding her, I will just go through the motions of being a guy who keeps working at it and being honest with all my friends. 1) Obtain a lot of money with my own business 2) Enjoy having a lot of free time 3) Maintain a healthy and good looking body.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Knowing What To Expect
Coming to fully accept with what you are expecting to possibly happen is so important! I guess something happens to lead you to think a certain way and then when you go that path and it doesn't go the way you wanted it to then it's pretty much an "Oh well." I think a few people did this to me and they are like now terrified of me because of all this time I had to potentially plot something against them. I'll just let out the truth and that might take away their support system from people not taking them so seriously anymore, so they are just going to have to improve upon themselves to survive in their own perceived dog-eat-dog world! I'm just laughing about it because I realize all it takes to resolve my situation is for me to be brave enough to spill the whole truth and man enough to accept all the tragedy and undesired consequences that could result from it.
Another thing that can result from accurately projecting your own future behavior is to plan accordingly. This is a tool that will be useful for applying towards obtaining personal satisfaction. I guess my desire is so great to read up on different articles sometimes that don't pertain anything to my current life and put knowledge in my head from just reading. I think it's a great addiction to have because you are reading for knowledge and it's something you want to know and pursuing after! In addition, it's just fun and makes you feel so bubbly inside.
I'm expecting myself to be tired today and go to sleep when I go home. My goal is I want to be a millionaire and not have to work traditional hours and find time to develop myself better on areas I've always wanted to work on like fixing cars or cooking or even programming video games. I could even explore volunteering in different areas of the community while even working out and trying different martial arts and then go socialize at a church at the weirdest time of day with people I want to be around!
It could be that I don't know what to expect that I feel worn out about going after a goal that feels emotionless for me- getting more money. I could care less if I had zero dollars as long as I had all the food I need with proper housing and was having fun! I wouldn't expect that so I'm working right now at a job. I now want to not work with these traditional hours and just have fun doing my own thing and this is probably what's uncomfortable to me because it would be something so new and not even sure if I could handle it.
It's probably this mentality that's getting me to not work so hard at going after this simple goal I have in mind. Plus, I need to deal with girls who are starting to pursue after me now! I never thought that would be possible in a million years, but yeah, I'm getting that too. Since it's a simple goal to keep in mind, I might as well just work for it by planning accordingly with my personal schedule. I think working out is awesome too and everybody should do it because it keeps you light on your feet and things can feel easier, instead of having to breath so hard and snore loudly and all of that while laughing at stuff that are miserable and failing to see that with yourself and just staying quiet under personal adversity and avoiding people laughing at you. It's not the lifestyle that I want, so I'm going to keep on working out ladies and gentlemen!
Another thing that can result from accurately projecting your own future behavior is to plan accordingly. This is a tool that will be useful for applying towards obtaining personal satisfaction. I guess my desire is so great to read up on different articles sometimes that don't pertain anything to my current life and put knowledge in my head from just reading. I think it's a great addiction to have because you are reading for knowledge and it's something you want to know and pursuing after! In addition, it's just fun and makes you feel so bubbly inside.
I'm expecting myself to be tired today and go to sleep when I go home. My goal is I want to be a millionaire and not have to work traditional hours and find time to develop myself better on areas I've always wanted to work on like fixing cars or cooking or even programming video games. I could even explore volunteering in different areas of the community while even working out and trying different martial arts and then go socialize at a church at the weirdest time of day with people I want to be around!
It could be that I don't know what to expect that I feel worn out about going after a goal that feels emotionless for me- getting more money. I could care less if I had zero dollars as long as I had all the food I need with proper housing and was having fun! I wouldn't expect that so I'm working right now at a job. I now want to not work with these traditional hours and just have fun doing my own thing and this is probably what's uncomfortable to me because it would be something so new and not even sure if I could handle it.
It's probably this mentality that's getting me to not work so hard at going after this simple goal I have in mind. Plus, I need to deal with girls who are starting to pursue after me now! I never thought that would be possible in a million years, but yeah, I'm getting that too. Since it's a simple goal to keep in mind, I might as well just work for it by planning accordingly with my personal schedule. I think working out is awesome too and everybody should do it because it keeps you light on your feet and things can feel easier, instead of having to breath so hard and snore loudly and all of that while laughing at stuff that are miserable and failing to see that with yourself and just staying quiet under personal adversity and avoiding people laughing at you. It's not the lifestyle that I want, so I'm going to keep on working out ladies and gentlemen!
Maximizing Satisfaction With Usage of Time
This is probably something to not take me so seriously with. I do want it but I think my main struggle is just from not committing to my personal plans. I feel it and then when it's time to get to it, I end up choking from not being able to let go of a distraction. I guess this has to do with being human. I guess everybody has stuff to deal with and it's hard sometimes and could be a weakness.
I just need to continue working on myself and being punctual with my plans. Yeah, it's fun for me to do other stuff and get carried away with it on a daily basis. I wish I could be paid millions of dollars just to do what I'm doing so I wouldn't have to go into work. I would find something to do in the process. The temptations to go out and do stuff I could regret in the end are real! Fortunately, they are just little stuff at the moment and they just keep piling up into days and then years which is starting to become a drag. Just the other day, I ended up watching YouTube videos of amazing basketball plays and then I fell asleep on my uncomfortable chair and even dreamt of stuff and think I ended up in just my underwear when I woke up! True story and quite funny to me.
It's probably fatigue and the pressure of feeling with not having enough time and my tiring body just wanting to slow down in the evening that makes it really hard to get stuff done. I guess I can work on a main task then, along with supporting stuff to go along with it if I have the time. It's like I can go through the motion of reading my Bible and trying to understand it because I really do want to grow in my relationship with the Lord, but I don't want to put in that much from just knowing that I don't have a calling to be a pastor. I'm probably letting down some Christians as of this moment. I'm meant to be a giver guys! I think I'll just put in some time to study three passages of the Bible no matter how many verses it makes up to symbolize morning, afternoon, and evening in one session. I'm in the New Testament right now, and I've had the privilege of listening to Scriptures by connecting my phone to the car stereo. I guess that would be sufficient for me then. I also try to pay attention to teachings on the radio as much as I can while driving in rush hour.
I'm going to have to eventually fellowship with some more believers, but right now it seems like I'm part of a different family and have opportunity to witness to them about Jesus at times. Maybe that's what my church is like- it's basically being around people who don't really know who Jesus is but open to listening to me about him sometimes because I'm just their friend. It feels very comfortable instead of having this religious aspect like that dreadful church in Los Angeles- come on, they need to come to their senses and depend fully on the Lord and wisely replace a pastor with a man of God who will just boldly proclaim the Word of God without any hesitation!
I just need to continue working on myself and being punctual with my plans. Yeah, it's fun for me to do other stuff and get carried away with it on a daily basis. I wish I could be paid millions of dollars just to do what I'm doing so I wouldn't have to go into work. I would find something to do in the process. The temptations to go out and do stuff I could regret in the end are real! Fortunately, they are just little stuff at the moment and they just keep piling up into days and then years which is starting to become a drag. Just the other day, I ended up watching YouTube videos of amazing basketball plays and then I fell asleep on my uncomfortable chair and even dreamt of stuff and think I ended up in just my underwear when I woke up! True story and quite funny to me.
It's probably fatigue and the pressure of feeling with not having enough time and my tiring body just wanting to slow down in the evening that makes it really hard to get stuff done. I guess I can work on a main task then, along with supporting stuff to go along with it if I have the time. It's like I can go through the motion of reading my Bible and trying to understand it because I really do want to grow in my relationship with the Lord, but I don't want to put in that much from just knowing that I don't have a calling to be a pastor. I'm probably letting down some Christians as of this moment. I'm meant to be a giver guys! I think I'll just put in some time to study three passages of the Bible no matter how many verses it makes up to symbolize morning, afternoon, and evening in one session. I'm in the New Testament right now, and I've had the privilege of listening to Scriptures by connecting my phone to the car stereo. I guess that would be sufficient for me then. I also try to pay attention to teachings on the radio as much as I can while driving in rush hour.
I'm going to have to eventually fellowship with some more believers, but right now it seems like I'm part of a different family and have opportunity to witness to them about Jesus at times. Maybe that's what my church is like- it's basically being around people who don't really know who Jesus is but open to listening to me about him sometimes because I'm just their friend. It feels very comfortable instead of having this religious aspect like that dreadful church in Los Angeles- come on, they need to come to their senses and depend fully on the Lord and wisely replace a pastor with a man of God who will just boldly proclaim the Word of God without any hesitation!
Height Really Might Not Matter
I talk about how short I am and people silently chuckle or think it's funny especially to mention in basketball. I talked about how because I'm short I became discouraged to play basketball. It's not really serious because I haven't chosen basketball to be my profession and God bless those athletes who do.
I think even with a guy being short, he can still command a pretty good presence from being a great host or alpha male. I don't know what it's like to be an alpha male, but it's huge and attractive to girls who first come to meet you. I might have had something like that from being older than everybody in my group and just chill about it and also from having a healthy body with a good head on my shoulders. I guess it would make sense for girls who are looking to settle down to really take some interest in me, even though I'm short. It's crazy how a short guy can still look very sexy to a taller girl or of the same height. It could be that I like to have a nice clean face while treating the skin with this girl product, so maybe that's why I look good to a girl of the same height because she's going to see my face quite often!
I think even with a guy being short, he can still command a pretty good presence from being a great host or alpha male. I don't know what it's like to be an alpha male, but it's huge and attractive to girls who first come to meet you. I might have had something like that from being older than everybody in my group and just chill about it and also from having a healthy body with a good head on my shoulders. I guess it would make sense for girls who are looking to settle down to really take some interest in me, even though I'm short. It's crazy how a short guy can still look very sexy to a taller girl or of the same height. It could be that I like to have a nice clean face while treating the skin with this girl product, so maybe that's why I look good to a girl of the same height because she's going to see my face quite often!
Traditional Way is Boring and Hard
With today's standards, the traditional way to securing high-level income is to do well at a top school after working hard to get into one. It's really boring and hard because of all the distractions that can fill up a person's mind. My parents weren't perfect at it, neither was my sister nor myself. I ended up getting a 99.99% and 100% on my first two post-graduate courses online and then after that I stopped enrolling. To get a Master's at that online school, it costs only $6,000. Wow, what a savings right along with it being an accredited school! It's so smart and I was so good at it, but then something crossed my mind, if I'm doing so well at it then why prolong the wait to work for someone, when I could do all the hard work and research to work for myself and experience all the benefits on the long run?
Honestly, if I didn't have a daytime job already then I would have kept going on my free-time while serving in the dreadful military. I'm lucky to have a job and to be working for my family. It's a luxury! Our company has been getting very successful because of our traditional model that happens to work along with happily paid employees who just have so much experience. We're an honest company that believes in hard work and machining the best parts ever!
There are other ways to get around it, and it's been hard but it's important to never stop believing and go after doing what works while being completely honest with yourself. This also means accepting how things are and then letting some things go and sticking to some things as required. Intelligence is a very valuable and attractive commodity to have. Along with being smart, maintaining an excellent healthy life with positivity among others really causes you to shine. Yeah, I'm lucky to be healthy and have nothing in my body really going wrong for me, unlike a lot of my female friends who seem to have a health condition. I think one of my nicest female friends used to be sick while growing up but now she's healthy so is very happy to enjoy company with me.
I think what causes a lot of mishaps is just people having to face stressful conditions and sometimes zoning out because of it. It's then something people just try to avoid in the future from being too overwhelming under all these other circumstances and from just wanting personal peace and stability. I guess that's why it could be common for people to practice escapism by watching their favorite TV shows or looking forward to the next big movie that's coming out. It's a very profitable art for all those intelligent and attractive participants. Basically, in order for the traditional way to work the person has to love it and just be one of the very best at it. The top people I have associated with have really no voice among their peers. The most rambunctious people who just don't seem to care about their life situation and accepting it I'm associated with talk too much and it's like I don't think they would want to be taken so seriously sometimes. I'm one of those people who is just humoring himself and it's like not really paid attention to. It's just the way it is, I guess.
Proper Business Model
I believe that my weakness is having a lack of consistency and commitment to the same old routine. A few of my friends have felt that I'm pretty good at it because I can always make myself appear to be the same person. I think that's mainly just from being transparent to them.
To go on a successful business, it requires three things so don't take out loans to support something else if you don't have the money unless it's desperate measures for your living expenses. The first step is establishing a high level income of at least a six-figure income. I sort of have that going with my programming job right now. The next step is establishing a highly scalable business. This would be something that could just keep growing and allowing you to profit. For myself, it could be going into a business of investing in stocks as hard as that seems for everybody else possibly. Thirdly, it's establishing high return upon investment.
For now, I'm just a regular computer programmer. It looks good with people and it seems like a nice portion of them think I'm really smart. I guess it's not that bad just that I'd like to make another $4000 more for my wages every month working only 40 hours a week. It's not going to come that easy for me because I'm not really that motivated to care about it.
I guess what really does motivate me than is learning to manage my own money and making trades. This is what I could call as working on for my high level skill and then turning it into a scalable business by increasing capital to invest and then getting a high return upon investment. A lot of smart business people think that 10% return in profit is ideally good. I personally think it's not bad. If my trading skills were to be so good then those criteria would be met. I'm just going to have to protect my savings a little more right now because I can't afford to just give it away or be carried away into learning other things that might not profit me in the end. It would be so fun, but I can't afford to have that much fun right now.
To go on a successful business, it requires three things so don't take out loans to support something else if you don't have the money unless it's desperate measures for your living expenses. The first step is establishing a high level income of at least a six-figure income. I sort of have that going with my programming job right now. The next step is establishing a highly scalable business. This would be something that could just keep growing and allowing you to profit. For myself, it could be going into a business of investing in stocks as hard as that seems for everybody else possibly. Thirdly, it's establishing high return upon investment.
For now, I'm just a regular computer programmer. It looks good with people and it seems like a nice portion of them think I'm really smart. I guess it's not that bad just that I'd like to make another $4000 more for my wages every month working only 40 hours a week. It's not going to come that easy for me because I'm not really that motivated to care about it.
I guess what really does motivate me than is learning to manage my own money and making trades. This is what I could call as working on for my high level skill and then turning it into a scalable business by increasing capital to invest and then getting a high return upon investment. A lot of smart business people think that 10% return in profit is ideally good. I personally think it's not bad. If my trading skills were to be so good then those criteria would be met. I'm just going to have to protect my savings a little more right now because I can't afford to just give it away or be carried away into learning other things that might not profit me in the end. It would be so fun, but I can't afford to have that much fun right now.
Friday, May 25, 2018
Understanding an Offensive Person I Know
I am able to retrace back what I did yesterday and it looks like for all the people I text and receive them from, they have been mainly only from girls who are my friends. The thought of being just a friend to a girl is something a buddy's brother can't do. He's pretty messed up in his thinking and just can't manage to make enough money to support himself and find a beautiful woman to have a deep and loving relationship with. I mean he just talks and laughs really hard about stuff and it gets me mad being around him sometimes, but I've learned to just accept it.
He's just one of those guys who just doesn't understand things fully and says that he does and when things don't happen the way he thought they would, he gets mad about it and starts saying offensive stuff to try to laugh about it behind people's backs. I've heard his comments and it's been annoying to hear his high-pitched laughter as well. Okay, I'm starting to laugh about this dude from recalling everything he's said and done around me; he's pretty much acting like a lost cause. I've been there as well, so pretty much he's been projecting a side of me and I know I've been a pain to others as well. I think he just lives off of feeling superior from offending with just his own words and in the mood for receiving that attention constantly so that he can stay motivated to work hard and say that he's better than people. It's pretty funny now that I think of it!
The way to get this type of guy off your back is to just accept it and not show much reaction by ignoring it and being successful in your own way and to build so much success and happiness. It makes this buddy's brother just feel like he's lacking in something and discouraged from offending because he knows it's not going to get through the skin. He basically doesn't want to be brushed off as someone that can't be taken seriously and it happens enough that he will just start saying stuff to draw upon negative attention and have no means of getting it done because he just isn't that smart enough. I guess you can say that he's stuck in his own selfish and delusional world from having a lack of intelligence and no interest for genuinely caring about others except for his own welfare. He has tried countlessly to win over others to do favors for him and he's happy momentarily when it's done, but that moment goes away and he's greedy for so much but can't do it himself. With his thinking, he really has nowhere to go but to have anger issues about it and act a little socially awkward.
For this type of guy, to discourage his type of mean behavior, it's not a problem to ignore him. This guy will still take it upon himself to greet you if he knows you and figures you are smarter than him and successful. I seem to have those qualities so to deal with this guy, I can just simply ignore him and he will just be discouraged to act like a jerk with me the whole time, which is what I want so I won't have a problem acknowledging him as my buddy's brother. Unfortunately with circumstances, he was born pretty dumb along with my buddy and they were just too unmotivated and couldn't invest in themselves enough to understand how the world really can work for sustaining them.
It's just the way it is and to accept it is actually pretty smart and to go about figuring it out through being motivated maintains happiness. I'm just glad that I have this spiritual ease from trusting upon the Son of God, Jesus as my king and savior. He's the rock of our salvation, along with having a vine of life that bears good fruit. Wow, I'm starting to do this Christian talk and making sense of what it means to me. In the past, they were just words I kept hearing over and over again, but now I'm understanding it better.
He's just one of those guys who just doesn't understand things fully and says that he does and when things don't happen the way he thought they would, he gets mad about it and starts saying offensive stuff to try to laugh about it behind people's backs. I've heard his comments and it's been annoying to hear his high-pitched laughter as well. Okay, I'm starting to laugh about this dude from recalling everything he's said and done around me; he's pretty much acting like a lost cause. I've been there as well, so pretty much he's been projecting a side of me and I know I've been a pain to others as well. I think he just lives off of feeling superior from offending with just his own words and in the mood for receiving that attention constantly so that he can stay motivated to work hard and say that he's better than people. It's pretty funny now that I think of it!
The way to get this type of guy off your back is to just accept it and not show much reaction by ignoring it and being successful in your own way and to build so much success and happiness. It makes this buddy's brother just feel like he's lacking in something and discouraged from offending because he knows it's not going to get through the skin. He basically doesn't want to be brushed off as someone that can't be taken seriously and it happens enough that he will just start saying stuff to draw upon negative attention and have no means of getting it done because he just isn't that smart enough. I guess you can say that he's stuck in his own selfish and delusional world from having a lack of intelligence and no interest for genuinely caring about others except for his own welfare. He has tried countlessly to win over others to do favors for him and he's happy momentarily when it's done, but that moment goes away and he's greedy for so much but can't do it himself. With his thinking, he really has nowhere to go but to have anger issues about it and act a little socially awkward.
For this type of guy, to discourage his type of mean behavior, it's not a problem to ignore him. This guy will still take it upon himself to greet you if he knows you and figures you are smarter than him and successful. I seem to have those qualities so to deal with this guy, I can just simply ignore him and he will just be discouraged to act like a jerk with me the whole time, which is what I want so I won't have a problem acknowledging him as my buddy's brother. Unfortunately with circumstances, he was born pretty dumb along with my buddy and they were just too unmotivated and couldn't invest in themselves enough to understand how the world really can work for sustaining them.
It's just the way it is and to accept it is actually pretty smart and to go about figuring it out through being motivated maintains happiness. I'm just glad that I have this spiritual ease from trusting upon the Son of God, Jesus as my king and savior. He's the rock of our salvation, along with having a vine of life that bears good fruit. Wow, I'm starting to do this Christian talk and making sense of what it means to me. In the past, they were just words I kept hearing over and over again, but now I'm understanding it better.
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Area To Be Self-disciplined
Yesterday, I ran on an excruciating 8 mile trail and it included some inclines that just don't want to stop so it forced me to slow down! Because of the difficult terrain, I ended up dropping four pounds in calories and water weight included like it was nothing. Today, I'm not really that sore and actually thinking of going for another of the same run. It's hard and makes you feel desperate at certain moments of the run and tests your patience and the body just wants to crash but you just will yourself forward. When you are finished and take the shower, it feels great! I sweated so much as well and it's like three water bottles was splashed all over me but it was just sweat.
From doing those type of runs, obviously, I should know by now where I screw up in my time management. I was surfing the web and thinking I would just do it for five minutes and slowly it became 15 minutes and then 30 minutes and stopped at two hours! I was so tired at that point, I set my alarm on accident to wake up an hour later than I usually do and I paid for it by being 40 minutes late to work. I had woken up from a bathroom dream as well and thought I had some extra sleeping time, but that should have been the moment I got ready for work.
I surfed the web under the pretense of singing and I even recorded my voice after watching bad American Idol auditions and laughed at how bad my voice was too. The judges were cracking up at the contestant and I was doing the same to myself. On certain songs though from listening to myself, it's not that bad actually. I can now see that my friends don't really react to it because it doesn't sound that bad during my karaoke sessions. It doesn't matter how much you suck at karaoke because it's normal to be bad at it.
I guess learning to sing would be one of my priorities as well but it's listed lower and I skipped out on one of my main priorities to get carried away with recording acapella for myself to listen to. Because of my tendency to take awhile and that I can get so carried away with things easy, I should just take care of my priorities first in order of precedence. If I don't finish it from being tired, then there's nothing I can do about it. I might be worn out but these goals are what I have in mind of doing for myself and it's like I should be doing it because it's good for myself.
I just want to not be stressed out from being bored out of my mind at times with the doing the same thing, but I remember at one point a few years back that I became so good at doing my main priorities that I did them fast routinely and had extra time to do other stuff. I think from that point on I became addicted to being carried away with the extra stuff. Nowadays, if I try to complete my main tasks I'm back to being slow again so it's discouraging and hard with getting it done.
If I know that I became pretty fast at it, then I should work at becoming that way again so I could complete all my level 1 to 3 priorities and then have fun playing with the girlfriend or something like that. Another situation could be that I'm investing more time into my priorities, so I may have to find other parts of the day with some downtime to complete it so I can exhaust my huge, time-consuming list.
From doing those type of runs, obviously, I should know by now where I screw up in my time management. I was surfing the web and thinking I would just do it for five minutes and slowly it became 15 minutes and then 30 minutes and stopped at two hours! I was so tired at that point, I set my alarm on accident to wake up an hour later than I usually do and I paid for it by being 40 minutes late to work. I had woken up from a bathroom dream as well and thought I had some extra sleeping time, but that should have been the moment I got ready for work.
I surfed the web under the pretense of singing and I even recorded my voice after watching bad American Idol auditions and laughed at how bad my voice was too. The judges were cracking up at the contestant and I was doing the same to myself. On certain songs though from listening to myself, it's not that bad actually. I can now see that my friends don't really react to it because it doesn't sound that bad during my karaoke sessions. It doesn't matter how much you suck at karaoke because it's normal to be bad at it.
I guess learning to sing would be one of my priorities as well but it's listed lower and I skipped out on one of my main priorities to get carried away with recording acapella for myself to listen to. Because of my tendency to take awhile and that I can get so carried away with things easy, I should just take care of my priorities first in order of precedence. If I don't finish it from being tired, then there's nothing I can do about it. I might be worn out but these goals are what I have in mind of doing for myself and it's like I should be doing it because it's good for myself.
I just want to not be stressed out from being bored out of my mind at times with the doing the same thing, but I remember at one point a few years back that I became so good at doing my main priorities that I did them fast routinely and had extra time to do other stuff. I think from that point on I became addicted to being carried away with the extra stuff. Nowadays, if I try to complete my main tasks I'm back to being slow again so it's discouraging and hard with getting it done.
If I know that I became pretty fast at it, then I should work at becoming that way again so I could complete all my level 1 to 3 priorities and then have fun playing with the girlfriend or something like that. Another situation could be that I'm investing more time into my priorities, so I may have to find other parts of the day with some downtime to complete it so I can exhaust my huge, time-consuming list.
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Cool Times
It looks like I'm at the age where a few ladies are taking an interest with me and want to see if maybe they could settle down with me. They have been mainly Asians. On my dating app, I'm getting hit up by slightly older and overweight ladies. I don't read their messages because I don't pay for the service, but I assume they are interested in me. They all have kids too, so maybe they are looking for a second chance if I want to say it euphemistically or they are just desperate to find somebody, which is where I'm leaning at right now.
From having at least one girl interested in me for a serious relationship and also being great friends with enough girls, it's starting to get impossible to justify having my height inferiority complex! I saw today a black man who looked like he was two feet taller than me with a belly that would just do me in if he tried to eat me. He seemed like a very talkative and emotionally expressive man and it looked like a lady smiled at him or was it me because it was two of us in that building and direction she was glimpsing towards? Oh well, I guess it's possible and she looked alright and maybe she could burn off a few more pounds to make herself look super attractive!
The fact that I know and have dated ladies taller than me and are still cool with me and even for dating, man, I really need to withdraw my height inferiority complex more often because it makes me want to cry softly sometimes. The tears just start to form, but than I'm like what's up stupid and start laughing at myself and be like whatever and move on. It happens all the time for me. I think I just need to stop procrastinating much as possible and just self-motivate myself to accomplish my positive goals. It feels limitless with the stuff I can dream about doing, if I only I could gain the knowledge and time but there's only so much I can do and have to limit myself from getting carried away with fun stuff that don't really pertain to those goals.
I guess this is what makes us human and a lot of kids were like wow, how did you keep on getting A's when I was in school? It was because I smacked myself a lot while studying and feeling sad that I wasn't getting it, so I ended up getting perfect scores! They are like, oh you are so smart- not really, if I had to smack myself to make it happen. I'm not going to smack myself like an idiot as a 34 year old adult- it's just preposterous! I need to find another lighter method now and communicating this stuff with girls seem to have a positive effect on them too.
From having at least one girl interested in me for a serious relationship and also being great friends with enough girls, it's starting to get impossible to justify having my height inferiority complex! I saw today a black man who looked like he was two feet taller than me with a belly that would just do me in if he tried to eat me. He seemed like a very talkative and emotionally expressive man and it looked like a lady smiled at him or was it me because it was two of us in that building and direction she was glimpsing towards? Oh well, I guess it's possible and she looked alright and maybe she could burn off a few more pounds to make herself look super attractive!
The fact that I know and have dated ladies taller than me and are still cool with me and even for dating, man, I really need to withdraw my height inferiority complex more often because it makes me want to cry softly sometimes. The tears just start to form, but than I'm like what's up stupid and start laughing at myself and be like whatever and move on. It happens all the time for me. I think I just need to stop procrastinating much as possible and just self-motivate myself to accomplish my positive goals. It feels limitless with the stuff I can dream about doing, if I only I could gain the knowledge and time but there's only so much I can do and have to limit myself from getting carried away with fun stuff that don't really pertain to those goals.
I guess this is what makes us human and a lot of kids were like wow, how did you keep on getting A's when I was in school? It was because I smacked myself a lot while studying and feeling sad that I wasn't getting it, so I ended up getting perfect scores! They are like, oh you are so smart- not really, if I had to smack myself to make it happen. I'm not going to smack myself like an idiot as a 34 year old adult- it's just preposterous! I need to find another lighter method now and communicating this stuff with girls seem to have a positive effect on them too.
Attractive Qualities To Girls
I'm going to try to keep this one short. Mainly, it's about being completely honest, trying to play it cool when situations get heated, and accepting how things are. These three things are extremely hard to do and I think plenty of guys who are failures don't know how to get it done. I've done enough of it, so I know it works with ladies!
Basically, if you are fully honest with presenting who you are and the lady blows you off then you need to work on yourself if that gets tiring. If the girl you like ends up going on a date with you and won't give you a nice hug at the end of the date and says she's interested in you which is driving you crazy, then if you are still attracted to her, you have to accept it! I'm talking about a female friend's ex who had this issue. My lady friend has been very slow moving when it comes to relationships and has other priorities so her ex was going crazy and he ended up making my friend mad so she broke it off with him. I guess her ex would need to work on himself if this friend is actually his type!
Basically, if you are fully honest with presenting who you are and the lady blows you off then you need to work on yourself if that gets tiring. If the girl you like ends up going on a date with you and won't give you a nice hug at the end of the date and says she's interested in you which is driving you crazy, then if you are still attracted to her, you have to accept it! I'm talking about a female friend's ex who had this issue. My lady friend has been very slow moving when it comes to relationships and has other priorities so her ex was going crazy and he ended up making my friend mad so she broke it off with him. I guess her ex would need to work on himself if this friend is actually his type!
Awesome Friendships
Being friends with nice ladies is definitely a blessing! They are all single and Asian and each of them seem to have this slight health issue about them. I was shy about making friends with taller ladies, so most of them are about an inch shorter than me, so that was the best I could do on average with making friends with girls shorter than me. I'm 5' 3" and Asian girls being considered shorter than me on average in America may not even be that true.
The fact that I have what people can consider a liability with being so short as a natural man, but maybe not so much in the eyes of being an Asian, friends have been like get a girlfriend to me while I have been suffering from a height inferiority complex. I'm pretty straight up with my lady friends and they don't think of me as nasty, weird, or anything of that sort so I guess I might be fine then if I stick to marrying a shorter Asian girl, who might have a health issue because she tends to be so tiny!
I honestly believe that Asian girls who are around my height or little taller may actually be lucky to be born with a healthy body assuming that they maintain themselves through proper diet, exercise, and positive life-style choices. I'm a healthy body for being a short man, so this seems to weigh in having some influence with others while including my mannerisms if I manage to keep them nice in not really minding me so much with being lucky as well. I think they just ignore me because I'm outside the norm- a short man who is physically more fit than a girl's taller husband and makes more money and doesn't look too bad in a suit. Yeah, just from being short and having all of this going for me; well, I can see that they will put me on ignore because I don't fit their model of how a short guy was supposed to turn out.
The fact that I have what people can consider a liability with being so short as a natural man, but maybe not so much in the eyes of being an Asian, friends have been like get a girlfriend to me while I have been suffering from a height inferiority complex. I'm pretty straight up with my lady friends and they don't think of me as nasty, weird, or anything of that sort so I guess I might be fine then if I stick to marrying a shorter Asian girl, who might have a health issue because she tends to be so tiny!
I honestly believe that Asian girls who are around my height or little taller may actually be lucky to be born with a healthy body assuming that they maintain themselves through proper diet, exercise, and positive life-style choices. I'm a healthy body for being a short man, so this seems to weigh in having some influence with others while including my mannerisms if I manage to keep them nice in not really minding me so much with being lucky as well. I think they just ignore me because I'm outside the norm- a short man who is physically more fit than a girl's taller husband and makes more money and doesn't look too bad in a suit. Yeah, just from being short and having all of this going for me; well, I can see that they will put me on ignore because I don't fit their model of how a short guy was supposed to turn out.
Living Expenses Issue
Right now with my job, I barely have enough to keep up and it's just that with gas prices being so high, I'm spending so much on it. Being a Californian, gas prices are about $4.00 a gallon and that's paying a lot because my car is a gas guzzler. I use the highest performance gas because my car is an old muscle car plus convertible, but I get around 17 miles per gallon on average which I figure isn't that bad for a 8-cylinder good-looking mustang!
I still enjoy driving my car after all these years I've had and want to hang on to it. It could sure use some upgrades I have in mind, but only if I could find someone to do that for me or I just happen to be lucky to have so much time on my hands to figure it out on my own. Maybe I could build my own electrical sports car someday and have it registered with the state so I can legally drive on the car pool lanes by myself!
Because of these gas prices and my tendency to drive around everywhere and too often, it's piling up to regularly $2000 of expenses of every two weeks! I'm only kidding about putting in that much gas but it's from also including my other living expenses and spending it to acquire cool gadgets like expensive running shoes that cost me $300 or even paying for extra storage space and stuff to maintain a decent appearance which includes healthy but expensive food. It sucks to pay rent and not own my house yet either.
I need to do something about this $4000 monthly price tag. I make more money than that in wages, but close to a third is being taken away for income tax purposes which is insane. I wish I had a take home pay of close to like $10,000 every two weeks so I wouldn't be sweating so much about my normal purchasing activity and maybe then I would be able to afford a luxury home as well with how I'm still living.
I still enjoy driving my car after all these years I've had and want to hang on to it. It could sure use some upgrades I have in mind, but only if I could find someone to do that for me or I just happen to be lucky to have so much time on my hands to figure it out on my own. Maybe I could build my own electrical sports car someday and have it registered with the state so I can legally drive on the car pool lanes by myself!
Because of these gas prices and my tendency to drive around everywhere and too often, it's piling up to regularly $2000 of expenses of every two weeks! I'm only kidding about putting in that much gas but it's from also including my other living expenses and spending it to acquire cool gadgets like expensive running shoes that cost me $300 or even paying for extra storage space and stuff to maintain a decent appearance which includes healthy but expensive food. It sucks to pay rent and not own my house yet either.
I need to do something about this $4000 monthly price tag. I make more money than that in wages, but close to a third is being taken away for income tax purposes which is insane. I wish I had a take home pay of close to like $10,000 every two weeks so I wouldn't be sweating so much about my normal purchasing activity and maybe then I would be able to afford a luxury home as well with how I'm still living.
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Working With No Support
To be lucky after struggling so hard and trying so much to get there, it becomes easier for others to support that person. I myself am not there yet for my personal expectations and as of this moment, some people who don't know me would probably just ignore it and focus on themselves like it usually is. I guess I'm around individuals who might be bothered about stuff and not really on top of things with everything. A very successful and happy individual is so few to recognize maybe even among thousands and I only know hundreds of people. I can see that I haven't reached out and met enough people.
I guess I made a bad investment in few individuals and that shaped me in a negative direction. To find myself climb back out of it, I'm now 34. A friend who told me the same thing happening to her is 27 and I believe it's very mature to recognize it at that age. Well, a common saying in the world is that women mature faster than men.
From being a lady, my friend gets so much support and admirers from guys who want to shag her but when I'm around her, it seems like guys back off and they assume we are an item. I'm like whatever but okay and it seems like she doesn't mind guys staying off of her because she sees me like a big brother. I have this little expectation to share my experience and even be a physical line of defense for her!
From being a guy, I get practically zilch in my support bank and the stuff that amuses me won't reach the masses. It's just for a few individuals to like and sometimes a couple successful and pretty ladies who might me dig me just once and then back off. It's cool to get that actually, but I know that I won't have any chance with her because of my lackadaisical effort to go out of my way to try to meet her.
I guess I made a bad investment in few individuals and that shaped me in a negative direction. To find myself climb back out of it, I'm now 34. A friend who told me the same thing happening to her is 27 and I believe it's very mature to recognize it at that age. Well, a common saying in the world is that women mature faster than men.
From being a lady, my friend gets so much support and admirers from guys who want to shag her but when I'm around her, it seems like guys back off and they assume we are an item. I'm like whatever but okay and it seems like she doesn't mind guys staying off of her because she sees me like a big brother. I have this little expectation to share my experience and even be a physical line of defense for her!
From being a guy, I get practically zilch in my support bank and the stuff that amuses me won't reach the masses. It's just for a few individuals to like and sometimes a couple successful and pretty ladies who might me dig me just once and then back off. It's cool to get that actually, but I know that I won't have any chance with her because of my lackadaisical effort to go out of my way to try to meet her.
Preparing For Signifcant Relationship
I find it to be annoying to be asked by friends and even my own mom about my relationship status. I'm single and when I tell them that, they are like why not go for finding a girlfriend and getting married. I just haven't made time for that yet and from having lot of distractions which they can't seem to understand and then they think I'm being dumb because I can't do it. I get so agitated by it that I end up firing back and making fun of them sometimes, except for my loving uncle. He's like go to a church and find a lovely Korean girl. I'm like I'm not in the church to find love but to develop a better connection with God.
They make it seem so important with making it happen, but I only see it as something to do on the side for myself right now. Maybe it's because I'm selfishly living for myself with no girlfriend and it just drives my mom crazy and she starts saying stuff that don't make sense and I end up just saying the ugly truth I personally see with her each time. My mom has sort of tried to amend her ways thinking that maybe this would appease me to reconsider, but I think she's just trying to be a more accepting person these days like myself.
I think I've mentioned that I did have some interests but it just didn't work out because I didn't feel comfortable about something or maybe, it's just that those girls were already in a relationship. I don't want to try to wait on her and see what happens and just move on. It has still hurt though and then to read up on negative comments about how not having a certain look or natural appeal to a general lady, it ends up even making me lack more in confidence for making it happen.
Overall, I have figured out the solution and I'm sure I can make a relationship with any lucky girl work if I wanted to but I just don't want it to be any girl! I'm comfortable with how I'm going about it right now and having a few ladies as friends who message me regularly feels great for my confidence. I don't mind staying picky and this bothers a few guys I have mentioned it to. Well, I did try a dating app and got no responses with any of the pretty good looking girls on it so I guess I really have more to work on for myself and think I'll have to meet them in person to see how they are like and if they just have this personality I like about them then might as well ask them out.
They make it seem so important with making it happen, but I only see it as something to do on the side for myself right now. Maybe it's because I'm selfishly living for myself with no girlfriend and it just drives my mom crazy and she starts saying stuff that don't make sense and I end up just saying the ugly truth I personally see with her each time. My mom has sort of tried to amend her ways thinking that maybe this would appease me to reconsider, but I think she's just trying to be a more accepting person these days like myself.
I think I've mentioned that I did have some interests but it just didn't work out because I didn't feel comfortable about something or maybe, it's just that those girls were already in a relationship. I don't want to try to wait on her and see what happens and just move on. It has still hurt though and then to read up on negative comments about how not having a certain look or natural appeal to a general lady, it ends up even making me lack more in confidence for making it happen.
Overall, I have figured out the solution and I'm sure I can make a relationship with any lucky girl work if I wanted to but I just don't want it to be any girl! I'm comfortable with how I'm going about it right now and having a few ladies as friends who message me regularly feels great for my confidence. I don't mind staying picky and this bothers a few guys I have mentioned it to. Well, I did try a dating app and got no responses with any of the pretty good looking girls on it so I guess I really have more to work on for myself and think I'll have to meet them in person to see how they are like and if they just have this personality I like about them then might as well ask them out.
Working On Self
With this whole surfing the Internet thing and hoping to find a lady I could be comfortable marrying someday, I'm just going to have to let some of that curiosity go because it could lead me into some trouble that could be distressing. Like, I wouldn't want to have a strong enough curiosity to do evil things and see what would happen. It just isn't right!
It's tempting but watching T.V. for entertaining aspects isn't really going to do much for me. I think even trying to watch educational shows isn't that great either for me. I would probably do a lot better from doing stuff in the outside world, rather than staying indoors and trying to meet the right people to assist me in where I'm directing myself to.
I really believe that I need to continue working on myself and reaching contentment on a daily basis as a routine. There are so many pitfalls that I still struggle with on a daily basis, but it's just mainly from being tired so there's nothing I can do about that. I guess while I'm tired I should be still trying so I wouldn't feel bad when I'm up bright and early the next day! It's also from having like this superficial and clingy attitude with entertaining subjects that I should trade it in for maintaining or developing myself.
It's tempting but watching T.V. for entertaining aspects isn't really going to do much for me. I think even trying to watch educational shows isn't that great either for me. I would probably do a lot better from doing stuff in the outside world, rather than staying indoors and trying to meet the right people to assist me in where I'm directing myself to.
I really believe that I need to continue working on myself and reaching contentment on a daily basis as a routine. There are so many pitfalls that I still struggle with on a daily basis, but it's just mainly from being tired so there's nothing I can do about that. I guess while I'm tired I should be still trying so I wouldn't feel bad when I'm up bright and early the next day! It's also from having like this superficial and clingy attitude with entertaining subjects that I should trade it in for maintaining or developing myself.
Personality Flaws
I guess a lot of it has to do with what one would personally expect out of him or herself and then seeing if those goals are being met. It's very difficult and is like at certain points or maybe for awhile, it would be like feeling numb to everything and just doing it for going along with the flow. More often than not, it could bring a person down if this expectation also has a certain time frame because life isn't always going to roll along smoothly like that. It's the truth and possibly thinking in a different matter is going to be important to ensure a successful outcome.
Life is just filled with so many distractions that cater to this individualism of feeling lost and seeking to be entertained to just fill the nights. Man, it can get boring sometimes and I just don't know how people just can manage to stand it. It's depressing to sit there watching episodes and then to get the dreaded re-runs! I guess since television is catered to the general audience and those TV companies want to make money off of them, they would coyly make the user feel like he or she is in power and can judge which is the best show. It's just how it's always been and the content that's being presented took a lot of preparation and money, so it would have to be this entertaining material that investors would be able to profit off the masses.
I guess it's just about getting carried away that can happen and then it leads to so much time being lost from being exposed to this clingy subject or matter and out of that, it naturally can lead to a comfortable living for the author of it. We definitely have the right to choose what to be supportive of in the end and for whatever reasons. It's just that sometimes our hearts might be too weak to stay resilient and we end up giving up something that's important especially our time and feeling sheepish about it. I really don't regret the money and planning I put into it last week to enjoy a weekend hiking trip with a friend. It was an excellent rush and totally enlightening.
Life is just filled with so many distractions that cater to this individualism of feeling lost and seeking to be entertained to just fill the nights. Man, it can get boring sometimes and I just don't know how people just can manage to stand it. It's depressing to sit there watching episodes and then to get the dreaded re-runs! I guess since television is catered to the general audience and those TV companies want to make money off of them, they would coyly make the user feel like he or she is in power and can judge which is the best show. It's just how it's always been and the content that's being presented took a lot of preparation and money, so it would have to be this entertaining material that investors would be able to profit off the masses.
I guess it's just about getting carried away that can happen and then it leads to so much time being lost from being exposed to this clingy subject or matter and out of that, it naturally can lead to a comfortable living for the author of it. We definitely have the right to choose what to be supportive of in the end and for whatever reasons. It's just that sometimes our hearts might be too weak to stay resilient and we end up giving up something that's important especially our time and feeling sheepish about it. I really don't regret the money and planning I put into it last week to enjoy a weekend hiking trip with a friend. It was an excellent rush and totally enlightening.
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Hey, Finally A Chance To Lead A Girl!
Hey, I finally have a chance to lead the same girl for weeks with different events that we agree to do! She's like my traveling buddy in the form of like a sister and the only relation we have is that we have common interests and are budding really well from that. Anything can happen, but I don't think I fit her preferences of how I look and she's still at that age where she might slowly be letting that go too. Okay, then I think it's just preferences then if there's anything romantic that's going to happen but I think she just wants me around so she can hang with a guy she really trusts.
Her younger sister is still quite a mess, but is willing to do most fun stuff with me. She always has fun and likes to invite other friends as well. I'm open to that. She's trying to get me in a relationship with a cute girl and believes I can land a very hot girlfriend someday. Hey, I like the confidence she has with me!
Basically hanging out with girls, I'm getting introduced to several girls from being really good friends with them and they are open to helping me find a great girl who I can settle down with! Those female friends are single and pursued after but I haven't really acted in that manner. I guess it's something that's just been naturally set in stone for me to eventually meet the right one, thank God.
Her younger sister is still quite a mess, but is willing to do most fun stuff with me. She always has fun and likes to invite other friends as well. I'm open to that. She's trying to get me in a relationship with a cute girl and believes I can land a very hot girlfriend someday. Hey, I like the confidence she has with me!
Basically hanging out with girls, I'm getting introduced to several girls from being really good friends with them and they are open to helping me find a great girl who I can settle down with! Those female friends are single and pursued after but I haven't really acted in that manner. I guess it's something that's just been naturally set in stone for me to eventually meet the right one, thank God.
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Financial Success With Reach
I believe that I have found my main source of information and from having tested it, I want to commit to its philosophical methodology. It has all the tools I need and is just going to take some daily practice for what I want to accomplish. I'm going to withhold from revealing it because I don't want others to take advantage of it as well. If anybody wants to be successful with it, then he or she is going to have to put the work and time into studying it as well. It's not easy at all and can be very baffling, so it's only meant for people who were born to find out about it.
I don't even want to teach people either about it and be involved with anybody else in my own business. I'll just manage my own business affairs so I can be the one who reaps all the profit. It's a very unique setup that is practically my own style. I'm glad that I finally stumbled upon the right source and it took years of trying to practice it while being in the dark. I guess that's why some people in the message boards have stated that a good majority will give up when they were already within cusp of greatness. I pretty much see the light at the end of the tunnel now and excited about keeping myself moving to reach it. I guess anybody can call it luck, but I don't think I'll be talking much about my success if I get so good at it because I would rather keep that under wraps.
Maybe just family and friends will know what I do on the surface, but I'm not going for passing knowledge on this. I will however diversify my portfolio a little and attempt to break into other useful stuff to pass off my time if I became so successful that I don't need to work. Why not do something to profit even greater and have fun with something cool afterwards? This would mean that I can socialize with like-minded people to have fun and possibly make a little more money. It will be like giving back from being blessed to people to I care about and are willing to work hard for their money.
I wouldn't want politicians telling me where I should put my money and with them wanting to raise taxes to support their efforts to solve problems. I have lost faith in them long ago. The conservatives who care about minimizing taxes and implementing cost effective strategies are the honest ones that I would love to keep in office. I think overall, I'll put my money into charities that mean so much to me so that I wouldn't have to be taxed and forced into a political scheme that I would have no interest in.
I don't even want to teach people either about it and be involved with anybody else in my own business. I'll just manage my own business affairs so I can be the one who reaps all the profit. It's a very unique setup that is practically my own style. I'm glad that I finally stumbled upon the right source and it took years of trying to practice it while being in the dark. I guess that's why some people in the message boards have stated that a good majority will give up when they were already within cusp of greatness. I pretty much see the light at the end of the tunnel now and excited about keeping myself moving to reach it. I guess anybody can call it luck, but I don't think I'll be talking much about my success if I get so good at it because I would rather keep that under wraps.
Maybe just family and friends will know what I do on the surface, but I'm not going for passing knowledge on this. I will however diversify my portfolio a little and attempt to break into other useful stuff to pass off my time if I became so successful that I don't need to work. Why not do something to profit even greater and have fun with something cool afterwards? This would mean that I can socialize with like-minded people to have fun and possibly make a little more money. It will be like giving back from being blessed to people to I care about and are willing to work hard for their money.
I wouldn't want politicians telling me where I should put my money and with them wanting to raise taxes to support their efforts to solve problems. I have lost faith in them long ago. The conservatives who care about minimizing taxes and implementing cost effective strategies are the honest ones that I would love to keep in office. I think overall, I'll put my money into charities that mean so much to me so that I wouldn't have to be taxed and forced into a political scheme that I would have no interest in.
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Happy Mother's Day
There's really not much to say on this title, so I don't know why I even bothered to write it. I'm going to roll with it and see where it takes me. I would like to be a son that would make my mom happy, but I don't act that way at all for her! It's because I still bear a grudge for how she mishandled a bad situation with me and started going off crazy with me and just yelling. I still didn't change for her back then, but that memory really drives me crazy but only a little now.
My mom wasn't perfect by any means and really ticked me off a lot for how she raised me, so I don't want to behave that way with my own kids. I remember having a discussion with a Bible teacher in Sunday school and she started mentioning how kids can grow up to behave like their own parents. Umm yeah, my mom's style of parenting isn't mine and you don't have to count on it! I think the main reason a lot of girls tell me is that it's because I'm a guy.
I feel bad for a buddy. He's not that smart and can start thinking a little crazy while being afraid to do anything about it. He's living with his mom and has had no real job for a few years and doesn't want to find any job from thinking it's stressful and is already 34 years old, yikes! He even complains about what he's trying to study to become, an artist. Well there's one thing I regrettably introduced him to and that's the professional card playing game Magic: the Gathering. He doesn't have what it takes to go pro and he's wasting his time from consistently playing it and not talking about his losses and boasting about his wins. He loses a lot more than he wins, so he brags a lot about it when he does! I feel sorry for introducing him to this game because he's hooked and doesn't want to do anything else, but win and make money and have it come to him easy. He just isn't that smart to make that happen and I mean he can put in a lot of effort, but he still misses some obvious key steps and then he just stubbornly dismisses them while thinking that he's better than most people. Yeah, I told him that I'm not helping him anymore mainly because I give up and his mannerism isn't helping at all for me with it being so annoying!
My mom wasn't perfect by any means and really ticked me off a lot for how she raised me, so I don't want to behave that way with my own kids. I remember having a discussion with a Bible teacher in Sunday school and she started mentioning how kids can grow up to behave like their own parents. Umm yeah, my mom's style of parenting isn't mine and you don't have to count on it! I think the main reason a lot of girls tell me is that it's because I'm a guy.
I feel bad for a buddy. He's not that smart and can start thinking a little crazy while being afraid to do anything about it. He's living with his mom and has had no real job for a few years and doesn't want to find any job from thinking it's stressful and is already 34 years old, yikes! He even complains about what he's trying to study to become, an artist. Well there's one thing I regrettably introduced him to and that's the professional card playing game Magic: the Gathering. He doesn't have what it takes to go pro and he's wasting his time from consistently playing it and not talking about his losses and boasting about his wins. He loses a lot more than he wins, so he brags a lot about it when he does! I feel sorry for introducing him to this game because he's hooked and doesn't want to do anything else, but win and make money and have it come to him easy. He just isn't that smart to make that happen and I mean he can put in a lot of effort, but he still misses some obvious key steps and then he just stubbornly dismisses them while thinking that he's better than most people. Yeah, I told him that I'm not helping him anymore mainly because I give up and his mannerism isn't helping at all for me with it being so annoying!
What Remains
The Bible mentions there are three things that will remain: faith, love, and hope and the greatest of these is love. Thinking about it God is eternal and will always be here and He knows exactly how the future will play out. God's main attribute is love and God is undeniably perfect with His ways and for reasons that I cannot see. His ways are higher than mine and that's in Proverbs I believe. It would make sense then a verse says God is love!
What remains for me in a human point of view is that things will just keep on moving forward even after I'm no longer living. I will be replaced by another and my personality will eventually be forgotten by everybody on this planet. It's just how life is. Is it depressing to me? I have learned to accept it so I don't need to go crying or complaining about it while yelling like an angry bird!
I would like to live my life for things that are absolutely worthwhile now. People aren't really going to be that way 100%, but God commands that I shouldn't go tell off Lee and her weird gang at her church with a "Go screw yourselves!" I will be obedient to the Lord, even during my rough times. The Lord's principles found in the Bible are infallible and trustworthy and praise worthy!
What remains for me in a human point of view is that things will just keep on moving forward even after I'm no longer living. I will be replaced by another and my personality will eventually be forgotten by everybody on this planet. It's just how life is. Is it depressing to me? I have learned to accept it so I don't need to go crying or complaining about it while yelling like an angry bird!
I would like to live my life for things that are absolutely worthwhile now. People aren't really going to be that way 100%, but God commands that I shouldn't go tell off Lee and her weird gang at her church with a "Go screw yourselves!" I will be obedient to the Lord, even during my rough times. The Lord's principles found in the Bible are infallible and trustworthy and praise worthy!
Friday, May 11, 2018
Best Advice Ever
It looks like the best known advice that not a lot of people like to do is to go with the Book of Proverbs in the Bible! I think it will definitely help by following its principles in the area of becoming very productive. There are some areas that need to be worked on and if a person can do well at them then he or she is going to experience enough success.
I guess Proverbs is my solution then for finding out how to make myself into a more successful person so that I can live out my life happily for the Lord. I'm not a big fan of the prosperity doctrine where the thinking is if you have a great relationship with the Lord then you will be blessed financially. Yeah, some ministers of that mindset say that so they could relax after collecting a bigger paycheck from their congregation! Actually, the Bible says that God has created some people to be poor and they are in fact happy, so being wealthy isn't some requirement or effect that occurs from being a Christian. Boy that church I went to wasn't teaching the Bible correctly.
Hope of God Church in Los Angeles and exiting at Ceaser Chavez Blvd from the 710 N Freeway is not a great Bible teaching ministry and just a social gathering for certain type of religious people who just have the knack for it. Hey I don't know if that girl Lee is still there, but she put a restraining order on me and I'm laughing about that. She took things too seriously over stuff that didn't really pertain to her and the material that she was complaining about with me isn't something the people she was standing for really cared for letting me know in person because it wasn't that big of a deal; otherwise, they would have. Lee was just messy in her logic because she had anger issues from something about me and couldn't accept it. Lee was just being selfish and deserved to lose and not have the restraining order extended, which is a natural thing that's going to happen for losers in general. I'm laughing! I have no worries if they want to try to say anything more against me or go for legal action because I'm just going to speak in a blunt fashion and invite others to have good laughs with me. Therefore, if that church reads this paragraph they will be discouraged from trying to do anything anyway!
Yeah, I immaturely laid the smack down on Lee and her weird group of bossy individuals, if they are still there. I don't even know and don't care to go check right now because it isn't even my time to do that yet. I think I'll just be trying to understand and follow the principles found in the pages of Proverbs, so I can have a much easier time being happy with how I do time management.
I guess Proverbs is my solution then for finding out how to make myself into a more successful person so that I can live out my life happily for the Lord. I'm not a big fan of the prosperity doctrine where the thinking is if you have a great relationship with the Lord then you will be blessed financially. Yeah, some ministers of that mindset say that so they could relax after collecting a bigger paycheck from their congregation! Actually, the Bible says that God has created some people to be poor and they are in fact happy, so being wealthy isn't some requirement or effect that occurs from being a Christian. Boy that church I went to wasn't teaching the Bible correctly.
Hope of God Church in Los Angeles and exiting at Ceaser Chavez Blvd from the 710 N Freeway is not a great Bible teaching ministry and just a social gathering for certain type of religious people who just have the knack for it. Hey I don't know if that girl Lee is still there, but she put a restraining order on me and I'm laughing about that. She took things too seriously over stuff that didn't really pertain to her and the material that she was complaining about with me isn't something the people she was standing for really cared for letting me know in person because it wasn't that big of a deal; otherwise, they would have. Lee was just messy in her logic because she had anger issues from something about me and couldn't accept it. Lee was just being selfish and deserved to lose and not have the restraining order extended, which is a natural thing that's going to happen for losers in general. I'm laughing! I have no worries if they want to try to say anything more against me or go for legal action because I'm just going to speak in a blunt fashion and invite others to have good laughs with me. Therefore, if that church reads this paragraph they will be discouraged from trying to do anything anyway!
Yeah, I immaturely laid the smack down on Lee and her weird group of bossy individuals, if they are still there. I don't even know and don't care to go check right now because it isn't even my time to do that yet. I think I'll just be trying to understand and follow the principles found in the pages of Proverbs, so I can have a much easier time being happy with how I do time management.
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Staying Focused While Distracted
I honestly don't really know how a person can concentrate with something serious while doing something so fun in his or her own free time. It's like an addiction from being so fun and enjoyable, but at the same time not really making much progress for yourself; don't you just hate that? I mean why not make money while doing something that's very fun to you. I really can't see how watching TV all day and doing that for life would even be enjoyable. I just can't do it. It's probably that it's fun when doing that for like an hour and then going for another and slowly keep on adding to finish the series or catch up for the next episode and never going to sleep because you have to keep viewing it a little more.
I remember a roommate saying that he can handle staying up late all day and be up to work early the next day. Well it figures he ended up lying about it. He then does the same thing after recovering and when I ask him the same question he just doesn't care to respond back and is like go away to me. I don't think asking questions is the way to get to this former roommate.
It was very frustrating to ask some weird acquaintances questions I already knew the answer to when I knew something was wrong with them. This problematic behavior of mine got me a restraining order after they got so fed up and called the cops on me because I kept on just trying to ask them questions that made me keep getting more frustrated at them. They were basically calling in professionals to tell me to shut up. At least I know what the answer is to those questions I was asking. They didn't really know the answer because they thought crazy from the start already!
It's not that big of a deal and I'm not plotting to kill them even though I became angry after feeling devastated from having a restraining order. I don't know why if they thought I was a scary man because obviously you don't put a restraining order on just annoying people, but he also needs to be scary for you to call the cops; they still must have thought they were the smartest people in the world for deciding to go put a restraining order on a person who they think is a very scary man who can plot to kill them because he is offended. I'm not them, but I'm just saying!
To stay focused while being distracted, the first step is to come to acceptance about it and wish upon yourself to get stuff done instead of just sitting there having so much fun and saying I want to have even more fun and not get to it. I don't know but maybe I had an inferiority complex that kept me glued to feeling stupid while I had so much fun playing video games and not making money off of it.
Basically, self-awareness plays a huge role and it's also about having self-discipline. I'm sure a good number of people even if they look hopeless with no chance of any success would want to be encouraged to keep at it. I honestly think they just give up and stay quiet about it even though they talk about how they want to better themselves every once in awhile. They can also laugh at other people's clumsy mishaps and not their own obviously because they wouldn't find it funny, but laugh out a storm when they see it happening to other people in their situation. Actually, they probably wouldn't laugh if it happened to them too much, but something that didn't happen often they would laugh. I know this because two of my buddies are not that successful and act in this manner.
I think overall it's about sticking to what you personally value and prioritizing your preferences with the important and less serious ones. It would be awesome to just nail everything on my list which would take up the whole day for me. I have some work cut out for me to be able to get there. Everything shouldn't really be so stressful because it would be what you desired in the beginning and just have to tough it out sometimes, until the opportunity comes to be able to move on.
I remember a roommate saying that he can handle staying up late all day and be up to work early the next day. Well it figures he ended up lying about it. He then does the same thing after recovering and when I ask him the same question he just doesn't care to respond back and is like go away to me. I don't think asking questions is the way to get to this former roommate.
It was very frustrating to ask some weird acquaintances questions I already knew the answer to when I knew something was wrong with them. This problematic behavior of mine got me a restraining order after they got so fed up and called the cops on me because I kept on just trying to ask them questions that made me keep getting more frustrated at them. They were basically calling in professionals to tell me to shut up. At least I know what the answer is to those questions I was asking. They didn't really know the answer because they thought crazy from the start already!
It's not that big of a deal and I'm not plotting to kill them even though I became angry after feeling devastated from having a restraining order. I don't know why if they thought I was a scary man because obviously you don't put a restraining order on just annoying people, but he also needs to be scary for you to call the cops; they still must have thought they were the smartest people in the world for deciding to go put a restraining order on a person who they think is a very scary man who can plot to kill them because he is offended. I'm not them, but I'm just saying!
To stay focused while being distracted, the first step is to come to acceptance about it and wish upon yourself to get stuff done instead of just sitting there having so much fun and saying I want to have even more fun and not get to it. I don't know but maybe I had an inferiority complex that kept me glued to feeling stupid while I had so much fun playing video games and not making money off of it.
Basically, self-awareness plays a huge role and it's also about having self-discipline. I'm sure a good number of people even if they look hopeless with no chance of any success would want to be encouraged to keep at it. I honestly think they just give up and stay quiet about it even though they talk about how they want to better themselves every once in awhile. They can also laugh at other people's clumsy mishaps and not their own obviously because they wouldn't find it funny, but laugh out a storm when they see it happening to other people in their situation. Actually, they probably wouldn't laugh if it happened to them too much, but something that didn't happen often they would laugh. I know this because two of my buddies are not that successful and act in this manner.
I think overall it's about sticking to what you personally value and prioritizing your preferences with the important and less serious ones. It would be awesome to just nail everything on my list which would take up the whole day for me. I have some work cut out for me to be able to get there. Everything shouldn't really be so stressful because it would be what you desired in the beginning and just have to tough it out sometimes, until the opportunity comes to be able to move on.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Living For Jesus
Well I try to even though I fail quite often. Yes, I am making fun of myself as a Christian! I'm going to try to read like three sections a day with this Bible commentary that goes through all the verses one by one. I'm pretty dumb with learning the Bible besides wanting to fall asleep sometimes, but yeah, I feel this tingle daily that makes me want to change. I believe man in Jesus for having paid for our sins already! I just got to read the Bible man and learn how I could grow in my walk with the Lord.
Other than that, I'm learning how to not to think like an argumentative psycho! I'm not going to kill anybody but I will attempt to mentally bash people from saying mean words. It's not nice at all and I need to stop saying BEEP this and BEEP that in my head while thinking about a shallow and mean girl who I'm still mad at after all these years. I didn't give her the proper talk that I messaged some old acquaintances with and so that anger issue lingers with her as well. Oh well, she's long gone and I shook hands with like her last year too. It's weird how God or fate or something forced me to see her and I was like all shaking in my legs and like oh Jesus!
Yeah, I'm just laughing it off now. I need to start thinking chill as well even though I can force myself to look that way on the outside.
Other than that, I'm learning how to not to think like an argumentative psycho! I'm not going to kill anybody but I will attempt to mentally bash people from saying mean words. It's not nice at all and I need to stop saying BEEP this and BEEP that in my head while thinking about a shallow and mean girl who I'm still mad at after all these years. I didn't give her the proper talk that I messaged some old acquaintances with and so that anger issue lingers with her as well. Oh well, she's long gone and I shook hands with like her last year too. It's weird how God or fate or something forced me to see her and I was like all shaking in my legs and like oh Jesus!
Yeah, I'm just laughing it off now. I need to start thinking chill as well even though I can force myself to look that way on the outside.
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Personal Areas To Work On
This topic is really just pertaining to me from sharing my goals. I'm very heavy on making them and trying to execute them on a daily fashion. It appears that I'm almost always spending a lot of time with trying to have fun instead of developing more for my other areas. I guess this would be normal anyway.
Blogging on here happens to be one my objectives as well and would love it to be something I do daily, so that's where my attempt to write one post everyday comes from. I'm never going to follow through with it because some days I'll have nothing to cram in here; whereas on others, I would be able to brainstorm a lot of topics to write away with
I'm honestly glad that I've become a very accepting individual with myself lately. I guess if I can ever make any more discussion points with my goals that I'm trying to nail spot on then I'll mention it. It really looks like I have filled up my objectives so much that I won't finish all of it in a day. I might not be able to call it my daily agenda anymore. Maybe I could try alternating.
Overall, what's really hurting me from getting all these goals straightened out is that I'm lacking self-awareness of how I'm using up my time and also going for activities that are fun and can be less stressful. I guess it's just going to have to be all in my willpower and with knowing myself, I'll just go for consistency as best as I can.
5-15 Minute Personality Test
The 5 minute personality test was designed by Dr. Gary Smalley. This is taken from Pretty Asian Lady's Blog :
Choose the item in each line that is most like you and put a 4. Then pick the item that is next most like you and put a 3. Then 2 and then 1 which is least like you. Do this across the page for each list of descriptors.
1. ____ Likes authority ____Enthusiastic ____ Sensitive Feelings ____Likes Instruction
2. ____ Takes Charge ____Takes Risks ____ Loyal ____ Accurate
3. ____ Determined ____ Visionary ____ Calm ____Consistent
4. ____ Enterprising ____ Verbal ____ Enjoys Routine ____ Predictable
5. ____ Competitive ____ Promoter ____ Dislikes Change ____ Practical
6. ____ Problem Solver ____ Enjoys Popularity ____ Gives in To Others ____ Factual
7. ____ Productive ____ Fun-loving ____ Avoids Confrontations ____ Responsible
8. ____ Bold ____ Likes Variety ____ Sensitive ____ Prefers Perfection
9. ____ Decision Maker ____ Spontaneous ____ Nurturing ____ Detail Oriented
10. ____ Persistent ____ Inspirational ____ Peace Maker ____ Analytical
2. ____ Takes Charge ____Takes Risks ____ Loyal ____ Accurate
3. ____ Determined ____ Visionary ____ Calm ____Consistent
4. ____ Enterprising ____ Verbal ____ Enjoys Routine ____ Predictable
5. ____ Competitive ____ Promoter ____ Dislikes Change ____ Practical
6. ____ Problem Solver ____ Enjoys Popularity ____ Gives in To Others ____ Factual
7. ____ Productive ____ Fun-loving ____ Avoids Confrontations ____ Responsible
8. ____ Bold ____ Likes Variety ____ Sensitive ____ Prefers Perfection
9. ____ Decision Maker ____ Spontaneous ____ Nurturing ____ Detail Oriented
10. ____ Persistent ____ Inspirational ____ Peace Maker ____ Analytical
Then add up the totals … simple : )
Add totals for each column and you will end up with your animal. (I'm not trying to copy the pretty Asian lady's blog, so I'm posting other cute photos on here instead of hers.)
 |
Photos taken from Google Images. Pictures are supposed to be same size to show no
order of importance. Prepared by me from cropping with copy and pasting on Paint.
|
Lion – Column 1
This personality likes to lead. The lion is good at making decisions and is very goal-oriented. They enjoy challenges, difficult assignments, and opportunity for advancement. Because lions are thinking of the goal, they can step on people to reach it. Lions can be very aggressive and competitive. Lions must learn not to be too bossy or to take charge in other’s affairs.
This personality likes to lead. The lion is good at making decisions and is very goal-oriented. They enjoy challenges, difficult assignments, and opportunity for advancement. Because lions are thinking of the goal, they can step on people to reach it. Lions can be very aggressive and competitive. Lions must learn not to be too bossy or to take charge in other’s affairs.
> Strength: Goal-oriented, strong, direct
> Weakness: Argumentative, too dictatorial
> Limitation: Doesn’t understand that directness can hurt others, hard time expressing
> Weakness: Argumentative, too dictatorial
> Limitation: Doesn’t understand that directness can hurt others, hard time expressing
Otter – Column 2
Otters are very social creature. Otter personalities love people. They enjoys being popular and influencing and motivating others. Otter can sometimes be hurt when people do not like them. Otter personalities usually have lots of friends, but not deep relationships. They love to goof-off. (They are
notorious for messy rooms.) Otters like to hurry and finish jobs. (Jobs are not often done well.) The otter personality is like Tigger in Winnie The Pooh.
Otters are very social creature. Otter personalities love people. They enjoys being popular and influencing and motivating others. Otter can sometimes be hurt when people do not like them. Otter personalities usually have lots of friends, but not deep relationships. They love to goof-off. (They are
notorious for messy rooms.) Otters like to hurry and finish jobs. (Jobs are not often done well.) The otter personality is like Tigger in Winnie The Pooh.
> Strength: People person, open, positive
> Weakness: Talks too much, too permissive
> Limitation: Remembering past commitments, follow through with discipline
> Weakness: Talks too much, too permissive
> Limitation: Remembering past commitments, follow through with discipline
Golden Retriever – Column 3
Good at making friends. Very loyal. Retriever personalities do not like big changes. They look for security. Can be very sensitive. Very caring. Has deep relationships, but usually only a couple of close friends. Wants to be loved by everyone. Looks for appreciation. Works best in a limited situation with a steady work pattern.
Good at making friends. Very loyal. Retriever personalities do not like big changes. They look for security. Can be very sensitive. Very caring. Has deep relationships, but usually only a couple of close friends. Wants to be loved by everyone. Looks for appreciation. Works best in a limited situation with a steady work pattern.
> Strength: Accommodating, calm, affirming
> Weakness: Indecisive, indifferent, unable to express emotional, too soft on other people
> Limitation: Seeing the need to be more assertive, holding others accountable
> Weakness: Indecisive, indifferent, unable to express emotional, too soft on other people
> Limitation: Seeing the need to be more assertive, holding others accountable
Beaver – Column 4
Organized. Beavers think that there is a right way to do everything and they want to do it exact that way. Beaver personalities are very creative. They desire to solve everything. Desire to take their time and do it right. Beavers do not like sudden changes. They need reassurance.
Organized. Beavers think that there is a right way to do everything and they want to do it exact that way. Beaver personalities are very creative. They desire to solve everything. Desire to take their time and do it right. Beavers do not like sudden changes. They need reassurance.
> Strength: High standards, order, respect
> Weakness: Unrealistic expectations of self & others, too perfect.
> Limitation: Seeing the optimistic side of things, expressing flexibility
> Weakness: Unrealistic expectations of self & others, too perfect.
> Limitation: Seeing the optimistic side of things, expressing flexibility
This is what I ended up with:
1. __1__ Likes authority __4__Enthusiastic __3__ Sensitive Feelings __2__Likes Instruction
2. __2__ Takes Charge __1__Takes Risks __3__ Loyal __4__ Accurate
3. __4__ Determined __1__ Visionary __3__ Calm __2__Consistent
4. __4__ Enterprising __2__ Verbal __3__ Enjoys Routine __1__ Predictable
5. __3__ Competitive __1__ Promoter __2__ Dislikes Change __4__ Practical
6. __4__ Problem Solver __1__ Enjoys Popularity __2__ Gives in To Others __3__ Factual
7. __1__ Productive __3__ Fun-loving __2__ Avoids Confrontations __4__ Responsible
8. __2__ Bold __1__ Likes Variety __4__ Sensitive __3__ Prefers Perfection
9. __4__ Decision Maker __1__ Spontaneous __2__ Nurturing __3__ Detail Oriented
10. _3___ Persistent __1__ Inspirational __2__ Peace Maker __4__ Analytical
2. __2__ Takes Charge __1__Takes Risks __3__ Loyal __4__ Accurate
3. __4__ Determined __1__ Visionary __3__ Calm __2__Consistent
4. __4__ Enterprising __2__ Verbal __3__ Enjoys Routine __1__ Predictable
5. __3__ Competitive __1__ Promoter __2__ Dislikes Change __4__ Practical
6. __4__ Problem Solver __1__ Enjoys Popularity __2__ Gives in To Others __3__ Factual
7. __1__ Productive __3__ Fun-loving __2__ Avoids Confrontations __4__ Responsible
8. __2__ Bold __1__ Likes Variety __4__ Sensitive __3__ Prefers Perfection
9. __4__ Decision Maker __1__ Spontaneous __2__ Nurturing __3__ Detail Oriented
10. _3___ Persistent __1__ Inspirational __2__ Peace Maker __4__ Analytical
28 16 26 30
I got 28, 16, 26, 30. The otter is my weakest category and probably because I remember the classroom setting the best while growing up. They were like the class clowns to me and when the teacher kicked them out, I was terrified of getting yelled at too. Therefore, when the teacher was having a bad day and then lectured everybody to let out his or her anger issues, I seriously hated my class sometimes (laughter intended).
I've learned to be assertive with angry people and trying to resolve conflicts over the smallest things in the past was a pain, but it gave me valuable people experience. I have accepted long ago that I'm not a very influential guy from face value and prioritized my life in this fashion but I do enjoy having deep relationships with friends and forming new ones as well. Quite possibly, the day I'm able to put it all together will be the time that I'm able to attract positive energy from a general crowd.
Monday, May 7, 2018
Not So Mad About It
I mean to say first that I can still get mad when I'm dealing with it in person or right after for awhile. It's just that I have finally come to acceptance with how things came about. I'm a very confronting type of individual over stuff that bothers me; unless, it's like a crazy driver who cut me off and I'm probably never going to see him ever again then I have no choice but to just get it off my mind.
Well, because I'm able to do that just like a decent number of good people, it must be pretty weird then that I still hung onto negative stuff with people that I ever associated with. The problem I had is that they were coming off as rude and ticking me off even more. They didn't know that they were being rude because they really didn't know why and gave off the impression that they didn't want to care where my complaint was coming from. The thing that prolonged it is along with me being the aggressor, I couldn't communicate it honestly with them out of holding onto pride that I'm an accepting person or something like that. Therefore, I was never fully satisfied in dealing with them and left them feeling some fear with me.
When I finally came out and this wasn't about my sexuality, it was about coming out with telling individuals what I was so bugged with them about through my writing; it felt like those individuals showed some form of regret and just shut down. Heck yeah, I feel good about that!
From my problematic behavior with being afraid to come out, it led to some people thinking crazy and a few restraining orders placed upon me. I never violated any court orders and they fell out even though Lee went for an extension. It was by technicality that she lost; I physically moved to another location and she didn't know where I was. It's either that or a person was supposed to hand me a document. Another loose interpretation would be that, she probably consulted some legal advice and from what I remember, a lady got denied an extension at court and she was before us too. I think her having lost by technicality is probably what Lee would selfishly want everybody to think if it ever came out, but she's a servant of a church. It looks so bad on her because it would show she isn't that forgiving of an individual and thinking that I haven't repented or something.
What makes matters worse for Lee is that I totally understand it wasn't even serious now. It's probably a hush and/or laugh situation now if it ever does get brought up. Lee would never want to ever think about it again and she's at my peril if I want to make fun of her. It's totally on me. I'm not mad about it anymore and even with the people at that church having acted idiotic towards me. It's all good and they can be totally shamed by me if I wanted it. It would make sense then for this one guy to feel bad about how he acted with me and to just leave that church while never wanting to come back. There's another guy who comes back and forth. I really want to sock him in the face, but I can't do that to Jarred because I would get legal ramifications for being a violent punk. I'm just going to have to use words and hold him in mockery or something to hurt his feelings and I think he'll just be laughing about how mad I was. That's just how it is I suppose. I basically have anger issues still than towards one guy Jarred because I haven't properly spewed my mouth at him yet and I even blocked him on my fake Facebook account too when I didn't have to. I just don't want to go back and unblock him so I can chew him out some more with my words. Those people act all dumb and pretend they aren't reading it and maybe they aren't either. It's probably because deep down inside they knew it wasn't serious and Lee is acting this way right now too.
I basically followed legal protocol and never messaged or contacted Lee while there was her restraining order on me. After she failed to get it extended and I knew about it from visiting her church which was hostile territory (obviously, I wasn't feeling threatened coming to church grounds), I started messaging her and making fun of her and getting rid of my anger problems from coming out. She hasn't shown signs of retaliating against me. I think overall, Lee is open to reconciling with me because she has to for saving grace with her church image. Lee really has a chip on her shoulder if she ever wants to laugh about it ( I don't see why though because I can now.) because of her poor irrational decision of putting that restraining order on me. I was just smart about it and I think she didn't factor that I would be playing very smart against her and exercising enough self-control which she must have thought was out of hand for me.
Well, because I'm able to do that just like a decent number of good people, it must be pretty weird then that I still hung onto negative stuff with people that I ever associated with. The problem I had is that they were coming off as rude and ticking me off even more. They didn't know that they were being rude because they really didn't know why and gave off the impression that they didn't want to care where my complaint was coming from. The thing that prolonged it is along with me being the aggressor, I couldn't communicate it honestly with them out of holding onto pride that I'm an accepting person or something like that. Therefore, I was never fully satisfied in dealing with them and left them feeling some fear with me.
When I finally came out and this wasn't about my sexuality, it was about coming out with telling individuals what I was so bugged with them about through my writing; it felt like those individuals showed some form of regret and just shut down. Heck yeah, I feel good about that!
From my problematic behavior with being afraid to come out, it led to some people thinking crazy and a few restraining orders placed upon me. I never violated any court orders and they fell out even though Lee went for an extension. It was by technicality that she lost; I physically moved to another location and she didn't know where I was. It's either that or a person was supposed to hand me a document. Another loose interpretation would be that, she probably consulted some legal advice and from what I remember, a lady got denied an extension at court and she was before us too. I think her having lost by technicality is probably what Lee would selfishly want everybody to think if it ever came out, but she's a servant of a church. It looks so bad on her because it would show she isn't that forgiving of an individual and thinking that I haven't repented or something.
What makes matters worse for Lee is that I totally understand it wasn't even serious now. It's probably a hush and/or laugh situation now if it ever does get brought up. Lee would never want to ever think about it again and she's at my peril if I want to make fun of her. It's totally on me. I'm not mad about it anymore and even with the people at that church having acted idiotic towards me. It's all good and they can be totally shamed by me if I wanted it. It would make sense then for this one guy to feel bad about how he acted with me and to just leave that church while never wanting to come back. There's another guy who comes back and forth. I really want to sock him in the face, but I can't do that to Jarred because I would get legal ramifications for being a violent punk. I'm just going to have to use words and hold him in mockery or something to hurt his feelings and I think he'll just be laughing about how mad I was. That's just how it is I suppose. I basically have anger issues still than towards one guy Jarred because I haven't properly spewed my mouth at him yet and I even blocked him on my fake Facebook account too when I didn't have to. I just don't want to go back and unblock him so I can chew him out some more with my words. Those people act all dumb and pretend they aren't reading it and maybe they aren't either. It's probably because deep down inside they knew it wasn't serious and Lee is acting this way right now too.
I basically followed legal protocol and never messaged or contacted Lee while there was her restraining order on me. After she failed to get it extended and I knew about it from visiting her church which was hostile territory (obviously, I wasn't feeling threatened coming to church grounds), I started messaging her and making fun of her and getting rid of my anger problems from coming out. She hasn't shown signs of retaliating against me. I think overall, Lee is open to reconciling with me because she has to for saving grace with her church image. Lee really has a chip on her shoulder if she ever wants to laugh about it ( I don't see why though because I can now.) because of her poor irrational decision of putting that restraining order on me. I was just smart about it and I think she didn't factor that I would be playing very smart against her and exercising enough self-control which she must have thought was out of hand for me.
Consistency and Honesty is Good
I guess a lot of it really comes from having patience and accepting certain things when you know you are lacking in somewhere. It was really agitating when I wanted to do something in the past, but I just knew I didn't possess everything that I needed to make it happen, so I would feel so shy and nervous about it and still just go for it at the same time. I was basically working for stuff to happen while I planted a chip on my shoulder.
For some time as well, I felt really offended when people I hit up weren't able to make one of my events that I put my time into planning. I would feel massive hurt and disappointment like I was being rejected and just not understand why the successful people were able to do it. I was just assuming something made them popular with people so that's why they came to parties. I just didn't know what would make me popular back then. I'm glad I didn't fall into this personal trap of desiring social recognition from others so much that I wouldn't even have been myself.
I'm so dumb, but a few memories were so cool to hang onto, but those things are probably not so valued much by my friends. It was just something to do I guess once and then just forget and move on. They are normal people and not so ambitious like I am and some of them are fortunate to be smart enough and chill with me at the same time. I'm actually happy for those group of friends.
For some time as well, I felt really offended when people I hit up weren't able to make one of my events that I put my time into planning. I would feel massive hurt and disappointment like I was being rejected and just not understand why the successful people were able to do it. I was just assuming something made them popular with people so that's why they came to parties. I just didn't know what would make me popular back then. I'm glad I didn't fall into this personal trap of desiring social recognition from others so much that I wouldn't even have been myself.
I'm so dumb, but a few memories were so cool to hang onto, but those things are probably not so valued much by my friends. It was just something to do I guess once and then just forget and move on. They are normal people and not so ambitious like I am and some of them are fortunate to be smart enough and chill with me at the same time. I'm actually happy for those group of friends.
Useful or Fun and Useful
Instead of really allowing my life to be filled with distractions, I think I would like to really live it for God by just doing the best I can to live a full life. My personality is really in between and it's really hard for me to close in for myself what type of person I am except that I'm more extraverted rather than being introverted.
I'm actually pretty happy underneath and living with joy, but I still do get distracted by other stuff all the time and lose track of time. I guess I could try to live with better awareness of how I'm using my time in the present and just keep on going after improvement. It's maybe that I don't feel in the mood for putting work on myself sometimes and in the mood for having fun or sex so that's probably where my main weaknesses for time management occurs.
Since I feel good with where I'm at, I also don't really know how to go about with some steps in meeting the right people. Especially from having grown up as a timid kid, I really missed a lot of good opportunities. I also didn't feel like I had the proper resources as well, so I felt held back. It's pretty sad for me that I didn't live out my childhood the way I wanted to. I was also miserable back then and stuck in a pattern that I was having trouble crawling myself out of. I really didn't have anyone to show me how to do things, so I feel for people sometimes. Overall, I think it's just lack of confidence from not having had enough guidance that I supported and coming to the paths of growing with Christianity was very hard for me. Heck, I did recover from a form of mental illness from physically having had a chemical imbalance and hid it from the world so I made it on my own with no counseling which was extremely difficult.
I'm actually pretty happy underneath and living with joy, but I still do get distracted by other stuff all the time and lose track of time. I guess I could try to live with better awareness of how I'm using my time in the present and just keep on going after improvement. It's maybe that I don't feel in the mood for putting work on myself sometimes and in the mood for having fun or sex so that's probably where my main weaknesses for time management occurs.
Since I feel good with where I'm at, I also don't really know how to go about with some steps in meeting the right people. Especially from having grown up as a timid kid, I really missed a lot of good opportunities. I also didn't feel like I had the proper resources as well, so I felt held back. It's pretty sad for me that I didn't live out my childhood the way I wanted to. I was also miserable back then and stuck in a pattern that I was having trouble crawling myself out of. I really didn't have anyone to show me how to do things, so I feel for people sometimes. Overall, I think it's just lack of confidence from not having had enough guidance that I supported and coming to the paths of growing with Christianity was very hard for me. Heck, I did recover from a form of mental illness from physically having had a chemical imbalance and hid it from the world so I made it on my own with no counseling which was extremely difficult.
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Walking Out On People
Because of my weird personality of liking to getting along with people and resenting my past behavior of yelling at a few guys and tackling them to the floor and then not making any sense to them because I was afraid of them getting back at me, I stuck around people who kept on yelling at me for reasons I still do not know!
Well now I have a good idea and it's only because I was the one yelling at people too, so I should know right? It's mainly from them being selfish about how things aren't right to them. Whether you choose to be a jerk or not with them in the end is entirely up to you though. It's really important to have at the very least basic communication skills before leading yourself up to yelling at people foolishly!
It doesn't matter that people did that to me at a church, which is supposedly loving and accepting. I know weird right? Yeah, they aren't really God's people to my eyes. There are a few there and so few at that church who literally live for God with all they can and have this major influence and impact around everybody's lives. I'm one of them and I do it so quietly and without much approval from those people who are bugged by me still to this day. I'm a force of nature for them to reckon with and they pretty much tapped out with my discouraging speeches that made them feel like they were condemned by me. Yeah, I was wrong for speaking in that manner, but hey at least I went for being honest and they aren't bugging other people like me so I'm happy for them as well as with me! So yeah, I don't really regret it because I told the truth even while I was going flaming mignon with them through my writing which is even worse because they can't find serious fault with me!
Because I yelled at people in the past, I have practice of learning how to get even via my communication patterns. The people who are bothered by me haven't done anything to me and make all these crazy scared claims about me. They just don't want to deal with that past nonsense and don't want to talk about their negatives and just shut me off because of it. I've noticed them looking like they felt guilty right after, so if I went up to them and let out all of my raw honest emotion with everything that I'm seeing with them, then they would end up smiling and relational towards me. I'm not hard to connect with and this was the thing that I was scared with them about doing, which is what left them so insecure with me to begin with.
I've learned my lesson that I need to be fully upright by not being afraid to accept how things are and to communicate justly from just being honest with all people. This is my way of truly being loving and the Bible is surely a godsend because I've lived by this proverbs in that book this whole time, "Honesty is like a kiss on the lips." I've been this way with little kids, babies, old ugly men, and even beautiful women. They all respond well to me communicating and being myself. My natural personality is likable and so this means when those people were ticking me off, I could have just walked out on them and told them the reason so they would feel bad for having been that way and reform in their personal interaction with me. It's just with me, but not with others unfortunately and I can't do much to help it at this moment because I never have enough information to get involved and execute properly.
Well now I have a good idea and it's only because I was the one yelling at people too, so I should know right? It's mainly from them being selfish about how things aren't right to them. Whether you choose to be a jerk or not with them in the end is entirely up to you though. It's really important to have at the very least basic communication skills before leading yourself up to yelling at people foolishly!
It doesn't matter that people did that to me at a church, which is supposedly loving and accepting. I know weird right? Yeah, they aren't really God's people to my eyes. There are a few there and so few at that church who literally live for God with all they can and have this major influence and impact around everybody's lives. I'm one of them and I do it so quietly and without much approval from those people who are bugged by me still to this day. I'm a force of nature for them to reckon with and they pretty much tapped out with my discouraging speeches that made them feel like they were condemned by me. Yeah, I was wrong for speaking in that manner, but hey at least I went for being honest and they aren't bugging other people like me so I'm happy for them as well as with me! So yeah, I don't really regret it because I told the truth even while I was going flaming mignon with them through my writing which is even worse because they can't find serious fault with me!
Because I yelled at people in the past, I have practice of learning how to get even via my communication patterns. The people who are bothered by me haven't done anything to me and make all these crazy scared claims about me. They just don't want to deal with that past nonsense and don't want to talk about their negatives and just shut me off because of it. I've noticed them looking like they felt guilty right after, so if I went up to them and let out all of my raw honest emotion with everything that I'm seeing with them, then they would end up smiling and relational towards me. I'm not hard to connect with and this was the thing that I was scared with them about doing, which is what left them so insecure with me to begin with.
I've learned my lesson that I need to be fully upright by not being afraid to accept how things are and to communicate justly from just being honest with all people. This is my way of truly being loving and the Bible is surely a godsend because I've lived by this proverbs in that book this whole time, "Honesty is like a kiss on the lips." I've been this way with little kids, babies, old ugly men, and even beautiful women. They all respond well to me communicating and being myself. My natural personality is likable and so this means when those people were ticking me off, I could have just walked out on them and told them the reason so they would feel bad for having been that way and reform in their personal interaction with me. It's just with me, but not with others unfortunately and I can't do much to help it at this moment because I never have enough information to get involved and execute properly.
My Cool Calling
I believe that my calling is to labor and become a wealthy man and live a very happy life! I mean that by having only one wife at a time without any divorce, so only way is if my imperfect wife passed away if I felt unhappy with her or she just cheated on me and wanted to walk out on me which would suck and mean divorce! I'm not counting on cheating with my wife and not even looking and/or masturbating to porno for that. I think I'll have all the satisfaction I need from marrying a gorgeous woman in addition to her already being so sweet naturally. I guess that's what true love would feel like to a normal man. Priority would come to making the wife happy and I hope I'll do enough for her and do the best I can while truly loving her which is what she would want.
It would be very stupid then after all of this intense laboring and waiting with finding the right girl, then to throw it away on one major fatal blow to the relationship! Yeah, I'm not having that and think I'm just going to practice by learning not to give into porn already while I'm all by myself. I guess some guys just justify with their own reasons and are crazy fans but yeah, there's nothing I can do about it.
On top of that, my calling also includes studying the Word with a man of God like J. Vernon McGee who lays out the whole Bible in his commentary in a verse by verse fashion. I run a Bible app on my phone and switch over to it after reading some verses and it just conveniently locates the related commentary. People even call it basic and I'm having trouble trying not to fall asleep while reading it with the Bible. Yeah, I choose Vernon McGee to be my central mouth piece with my quiet time. I do like Jack Graham's teaching called the PowerPoint which seems to connect really with me though. Overall, I'll listen and disagree at certain points but that's what Vernon McGee already mentions in his commentary so yeah, I think I'll stick with him. For my upbringing, I came to meet God through attending a Baptist church and Jack Graham leads a Baptist church so maybe it would make sense for me. Also I attended a Presbyterian church for awhile and Vernon McGee was Presbyterian in the beginning before switching over to non-denominational which is where I'm at now even with all this confusion with people's opinions being all over the place. It seems to make sense how I want to grow in the Lord through allowing these two to teach me.
It would be very stupid then after all of this intense laboring and waiting with finding the right girl, then to throw it away on one major fatal blow to the relationship! Yeah, I'm not having that and think I'm just going to practice by learning not to give into porn already while I'm all by myself. I guess some guys just justify with their own reasons and are crazy fans but yeah, there's nothing I can do about it.
On top of that, my calling also includes studying the Word with a man of God like J. Vernon McGee who lays out the whole Bible in his commentary in a verse by verse fashion. I run a Bible app on my phone and switch over to it after reading some verses and it just conveniently locates the related commentary. People even call it basic and I'm having trouble trying not to fall asleep while reading it with the Bible. Yeah, I choose Vernon McGee to be my central mouth piece with my quiet time. I do like Jack Graham's teaching called the PowerPoint which seems to connect really with me though. Overall, I'll listen and disagree at certain points but that's what Vernon McGee already mentions in his commentary so yeah, I think I'll stick with him. For my upbringing, I came to meet God through attending a Baptist church and Jack Graham leads a Baptist church so maybe it would make sense for me. Also I attended a Presbyterian church for awhile and Vernon McGee was Presbyterian in the beginning before switching over to non-denominational which is where I'm at now even with all this confusion with people's opinions being all over the place. It seems to make sense how I want to grow in the Lord through allowing these two to teach me.
Happy Where I'm At
I think a lot of how living life occurs really happens from having a proper mindset. From being an honor student in high school, I got lucky to be a part of going to see Magic Johnson speak to us. It was boring to be in that school and I just wanted to get out of there and never come back to it. I still feel that way to this day. Those classes were hot at times and it felt like I was just burning up in a very tormented place all day that felt too long. It was boring to me and I didn't feel motivated, but I was just this quiet kid while feeling like I had nothing going for me and just going along with the motion. It just didn't feel great for me even though I tried and I did stupid stuff that made me clean up right after and to never do that in the end too. I was just afraid of negative consequences which was the phobia of being outed for having done something wrong. One of my friends is still living with that mentality and it's not fun at all to be that way. I mean there are some really great days that you live for and those glory moments are what you recall to bask yourself in personal satisfaction or pride or whatever you want to call it.
Basically, Magic Johnson said to us from the way he lived his life so far at that time that he would be a happy dead man! This gets to the point of how I'm actually pretty happy with how things are going. I just feel this contentment and joy and excitement with some sort of balance in my life. A lot of it is thanks to having pretty good friends and even though they have their shortcomings, I still love them a lot. I also have this faith in Jesus and to trust in the Bible while chasing after God's Word. The focus should be on what Jesus says and not some leader at the church- he or she is just a mouth piece in the body of Christ. The full body which is what everybody is a part of is needed to function with carrying out God's mission to eventually lead much as possible into having a relationship with the Father through His Son. "Go out and make disciples" for Christ was his last command for all the followers before he ascended into heaven in front of 500 witnesses. Interesting claim that wants to be still challenged or just dismissed from natural skepticism. I can accept that view, but I have to affirm that I have been transformed through acknowledging the saving grace of a wretched soul like me, a sinner who continues to keep on sinning. I suck! I'm just glad that this faith is about being getting better each day, which works really well with my personality. It isn't even justified by what I do. It's just from having faith that I'm living how I want to for the Lord each day.
Basically, Magic Johnson said to us from the way he lived his life so far at that time that he would be a happy dead man! This gets to the point of how I'm actually pretty happy with how things are going. I just feel this contentment and joy and excitement with some sort of balance in my life. A lot of it is thanks to having pretty good friends and even though they have their shortcomings, I still love them a lot. I also have this faith in Jesus and to trust in the Bible while chasing after God's Word. The focus should be on what Jesus says and not some leader at the church- he or she is just a mouth piece in the body of Christ. The full body which is what everybody is a part of is needed to function with carrying out God's mission to eventually lead much as possible into having a relationship with the Father through His Son. "Go out and make disciples" for Christ was his last command for all the followers before he ascended into heaven in front of 500 witnesses. Interesting claim that wants to be still challenged or just dismissed from natural skepticism. I can accept that view, but I have to affirm that I have been transformed through acknowledging the saving grace of a wretched soul like me, a sinner who continues to keep on sinning. I suck! I'm just glad that this faith is about being getting better each day, which works really well with my personality. It isn't even justified by what I do. It's just from having faith that I'm living how I want to for the Lord each day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)