Accepting Defeat Graciously

I see defeat as like not being able to allow a relationship to take off. I found someone on Craigslist to go on a date and she went out with me because I had something to offer. She had an attraction for my ethnicity already and was just sold on meeting me and took a risk to go there. After I talked to her and lifted her spirits on the first date, on the second date she ended up kissing me which happens to be my first for a girl outside the family who did that to me. I didn't feel any spark so I guess it wasn't meant to be for me. She then wanted to make out and yeah, I was like no way!

She ended up pursuing me, and it got pretty annoying so I learned not to do that to other ladies I feel an interest for. There was this one girl I really liked just for how she looked, and I wanted to get to know her personality more and she seemed like a great person, so it even piqued my interest a whole lot more! I started messaging her and asking her if she's busy and that I didn't want to bother her. I never heard back from her about it.

Oh well, when I pursue a girl, I'm really nice I guess and I don't hear those words of rejection. I'm like put on hold for some reason. I think it just means I'm not on her priority if she doesn't get back to me and it was hard to accept it in the beginning. I shouldn't have to wait on her and move on to another because she isn't the best already from having done that anyway. She could even look back later and reconsider, but I can make it seem too late for her and not even regret it! I wasn't thinking too smart. I haven't really found the right girl for me then yet. The right girl I'm looking for is someone I feel almost too darn good to be true but it happens to be and she just has those qualities I look for. She hasn't came around yet for me and I think she's out there. Is it really about just wanting sex in marriage for me whenever I want to with someone I'm attracted to and love? I think I need to figure that out before keeping my eyes out for the girl and to just laugh off the past with women who revealed themselves to be too annoying for me to want to date. I clashed at that old church and it's caused a bit of trouble, but from understanding where I'm going with in human nature and able to gauge their feelings without asking, I can just judge them based on their level of success with my high standards I can't even match at that moment and apply what I desire at that moment of interaction with them and work at personal satisfaction and focus on being diligent about monetary success and great relationships with other people. It's hard work and worthwhile and it's starting to come together at the age of 35 for me. I wish I was a lot younger and had thought about all of this back then. At least I feel more positive and hopeful then not while feeling some sadness at the moment!