It's probably because of the stress buildup, but sometimes I just want to yell at people for all sorts of reasons. I don't go about doing it because I'll probably be losing my job at work if I did. I also like to stay courteous with others even if I'm mad, so it's just personal preference to not give into it as I would want to.
Looking back though, some people who really ticked me off actually said and did things that are actually laughable to recall a little. Since it's the past, I'm willing to look forward unless it becomes compelling for me to discuss about it because my blood is boiling at that point. I really needed to just talk about it and reveal what was going on inside my head to the people affected by me. It's interesting because from just being honest and letting it all out, it feels so much better and a lot more relaxing now. I had trouble doing this in the beginning from being a people pleaser and from getting constantly mad about others not being so considerate as I would have liked them to be.
When a friend told me that I was acting crazy towards a girl with stalking elements, I explained to him it was because I was mad at her not wanting to tell me what was going on with her and that it was frustrating me a whole lot. It was difficult to cope with it while letting it be a part of my daily thoughts to try to problem solve. Maybe I could have used some free therapy sessions from a good friend, but I didn't know where he or she was at the time.
It really just comes down to self-realization and seeking the absolute truth about your own self. It's probably the easiest to start with yourself because there's no way of really telling what others are going through unless they want to open up about it. That lady didn't want to be with me because maybe she thought it was a waste of time or was even mad at me for not being considerate enough to her. Overall though, I think it was just dealing with others having personal insecurities they can't resolve very well with me, which I believe came from misjudgments. It made me so mad while thinking these people were a bunch of idiots throwing away a good friendship with me just because of that. Then again, they have sort of been relationships based on not being able to fulfill their conditions and how I have had some stress while feeling they can't fully accept me as a person yet.
