I think sometimes when you have to get something done, you just don't want to do it for any reason. I think this is the case for me a lot of times after I get back home. I wish the night was younger and I wouldn't want to fall asleep so early but I do get up very early. I think the only thing that really keeps me up right now is watching things online and even viewing porn! I'm on a roll man and not officially masturbating and I know I can perform if I had to but not going to so that's the end of the line there for me. With getting so personal about my life, that's pretty much as close as it can get so I'm sure there are other guys out there who experience something similar to porn but never bring it up because it grosses out their girlfriends. I don't have to worry about that right now, so yeah I don't know why I haven't discussed about it even sooner like maybe ten years ago when I was feeling so guilty about it!
I think it's the sense of not being married nor having a committed relationship to love that makes me want to watch some of it while still having a little curiosity and also being bored. I guess in a sense I don't agree with it because it just looks too real literally with the actual act! With the fantasy body I was drawn to, I finally noticed some flaws on it. Isn't it so weird? I still think she's super hot though and would still love to be married to a body like that, so I can be positive that I'm not super picky anymore. Actually, I don't think looks matter so much to me now. I just want to have this connection with the right lady for me now. I accept that I'm really short as well so I'm not going to be looked upon automatically as a dating option for some ladies. It's okay really, but I have noticed that some great ladies who were also beautiful in appearance showed some interest in me and three of the normal ones tried to make a straight-forward move on me. There was a lady who slyly made me her date, like I was someone forbidden for my birthday. She's a great pal and ended up getting in a fling with another man that same year and married him out of feeling so loved and calling him baby all the time!
Two ladies have a little mental disorder to deal with but yeah, I can tell one was shy and used to like me while the other would keep on trying to hit on me sometimes while not feeling it on some days and they also hung out together with me so I understand the dynamic now. The shy one is experienced and since I'm not so much like that, she was trying to encourage the other who isn't experienced to keep on hitting on me and rooting for us.
Overall, I just want to keep on mentioning I'm a very short man! I still noticed all of this and could have probably had some action if I wanted to think of myself as a very bad man but I never got there while feeling so awkward about having a sex life before marriage! I just want to get it all together first before I commit to a loving relationship. There is a lady who I have come to realize that I love her a lot for who she is. She has also been saving herself all this time, despite the many dates she has had the privilege of going on. We are really close like family to each other as well. I'm just accepting how I'm really short already and it's how it is since it looks like she doesn't care so much about it like I do for my own pride! I'm a little taller than her, so it could be why she doesn't mind me so much. She has even claimed before that she was shrinking! The love is pretty much there, and it's all about noticing if it's the right time and good decision to move forward to dating.
