I really do want to be a neat person, but at the same time enjoy life to the fullest. I'm basically someone who can lose friends very easily if I wanted to. Despite me being a very short guy and going to be judged already by people because of it and what I accomplish, I don't think it's something for me to make a fuss about and do some overcompensating with. It's unfortunate that I struggled to connect well with some people and lost connections. It could be that I just got really annoying for some of them, and it's just life with what they had to do for themselves, even if it's really selfish. I think the way to get around it is to be the person to initiate something in a positive and really bright way that's very influential. I have plenty of that left in my tank still and I can't be everywhere at once like God while limited in this body so might as well focus on the most important things to me, while also being able to relax and have plenty of fun!
It's really unfortunate for a mentally ill person I know, and I do feel bad for her since she gets too delusional with her schizophrenic episodes and starts giving into unhealthy impulses. She is pretty much trapped in this cycle because she talks about wanting to change for the better, but has settled in with her ways. This means then that she becomes really stubborn and comes across as a rude, crazy person while feeling so angry and upset. It disrupts the harmonious flow of her family and becomes very difficult to manage since her family has a really hard time dealing with it. I'm right at the center of watching it unfold since I know this family very well. Maybe it's just one of those little things that are impossible to figure out a fast solution for, and I just want to help out even if I'm only being a small light and not going to have any recognition for it in the end. I think I'm just doing this out of love and because they are like family to me!
