I can see myself accepting all the preconceived negativity that will be placed upon me by people when they initially meet me. I'm practically an unyielding worker and will put up the best fight I can and then start over with a brand new day while dwelling on the same thing if I'm still salty about it! This is probably what scares a lot of people if they have conflict with me, since I'm known to be pretty well-mannered. Well, they do know that I'm really mad since I'm not going to act out like that most of the time. Even when people are just mad, I have been known to still put up a front with them and not be scared off, but because of human nature being so twisted, they get afraid of me from not being mature about it and so mad while not realizing it there. It happens sometimes, and now I'm realizing all of this as I think on my feet which is quite nice for a change. The crazy thing is that I emulate my parents with my mom being very nosy while my dad likes to act out with a temper tantrum. With my trusted lady friends mentioning how I miss picking up on social cues and boundaries sometimes, I can see where it came from. I'm such a conflicted soul dealing with all of this nuisance and what makes it worse is that I dwell on it with negativity sometimes. It's really hard to deal with and my closest, young friends also mention it like that to me in private.
Basically, there's really nothing wrong with me and sometimes things just don't add up and it's going to be a struggle with people trying to run away from me. The real question becomes if it's really worth sticking it out to the end and what's to come out of it! With all this turmoil and chaos inside of me, I'm just blatantly blurting out a bunch of nonsense and along with vulgar words sometimes. I do this in front of nobody and only myself, but I know God or a guardian angel is probably disappointed in me but still loving me at least! Now that's a positive. I really want to fix this habit again and just handle all of those stressful feelings and channel out something positive out of it. Even when I'm still fixating my imagination on how poorly I conducted myself in dealing with quite literally a small group of crazy church-mongers and they moved successfully with kicking me out, at least it made my best lady pal laugh about it!
It's mainly just setting aside my personal and unresolvable differences that cause me to feel anger for the most part and just fixate my approach in a more positive and smarter manner which is so much more healthier and gets me laughing about everything in detail that I can remember. Oh well, people are going to prejudge my appearance with mainly being short, so I'll do what I can with trying to make myself taller still even though I'm now a fully grown, short man! When it comes down to what I'm trying to do and compared to what they can't see, I like my attempts to be a whole lot better than worrying about ignorant people. There's not much that can be done and I can't really fault them either so I'll just work at trying to outsmart them in things that matter more to me because it helps a lot with maintaining my own confidence and stability. What's great is that looks don't really matter that much to me anymore, so I can probably handle people making fun of my appearance and even laugh about it the whole time anyway. The question I have is if those people care about their own appearance and are sensitive about it.
