I think a lot of my stupid and really expensive mistakes came from putting myself through emotional struggles and not knowing how to come out of it. I would end up doing something pretty reckless according to my personal standards. It might be minor though compared to what the rest of the world can come up with. It was really emotionally damaging to me and I felt like I had no real outlet and that seeking help from a therapist would even make things worse for me. It's because I wasn't depressed but just angry the whole time and willing to make a change which I realize now was meant to be for mainly positive outcomes.
I'm having a greater understanding and deeper appreciation for the things I went through and a greater awe under amazement and wonder with the spiritual things of God. There is this joy and excitement underneath me, like some heavy burden has been lifted. I'm sure that I'm not the only one whose been through these things and that there are others, just in different variations compared to my own. I sort of did all of this to myself in the end anyhow. When others I had a conflict with told this to me, it made me only more angrier which is something for me to laugh about now. I guess words can cause a rise in you sometimes, but learning to take it in has been challenging but not so much anymore.
Now that I think of it, I believe that people with mental illnesses and giving into their impulses right then and there while lashing out are being dumb and careless! I've come to better terms with it lately and capable of holding my own ground with them, but I would rather reserve this effort with those I already know, which would mean that I don't mind working at being their friends again eventually.
