Dream Suffering

This is just a weird post that I'm going to talk about. I had this dream where I was being led by someone. I know that these made up leaders were just unconsciously linked to me. They were pretty much in support of me and were trying to encourage me along the way. They could sort of sense and agree with my desires as well. It was pretty interesting. I had two broken dreams while in my state of sleep that I could remember. In one of the dreams, it was a classroom setting with a girl who also made me an honorary leader and I accepted. The other was an upbeat Asian guy who looked cut-up and took charge at a poker tournament by trying to locate his ex-lover by taking a survey of how many girls had the name he was looking for. About four girls raised their hand and everybody was frozen when he had spoken up. He then asked who they were playing for. The majority of them said they were playing for the blue team and then he wished that the blue team would win. A large crowd in the room started cheering, as he stated it in a way that was encouraging.

Then, somehow a ping-pong championship table had to get in the way. Fast forward the best guy started overplaying and got beat by a crafty girl. I had to keep count for them so they trusted me for the record count.

Let's Keep Moving

Sometimes a lot of difficulty is found in having lack of desire. I guess I'm not without it anymore. Sometimes, it's this emotion that feels like it's running dry and because of it, it causes me to stick to the behavior by not wanting to give up. It's a little hard to explain and might actually transcribe into how I communicate with others.

I'm practically going to be getting really busy now. I don't really have all the time in the world as I thought I had back then. I guess friends come as a priority and I really would like to live out my desires now. My main desire right now for my personal needs is to just practically succeed financially. I think it might get depressing if I succeed and then find nothing to do while quitting work. Maybe, even under financial independence working at a company would still be okay. Being a charitable person sounds like a really cool thing.

This Morning

I have a job that I'm looking forward to going to and I need to persist in the paid training that is to come. I guess I will need to make payments of my card debt by really trying to stock up on cash the best I can right now. It's going to be extremely difficult for me in focusing on making money while doing other stuff while self-employed on the side, but it looks like that is the best I can come up with without compromising my main career in focus. If I can simply add in some time to work out my muscles and burn some fat then that would be nice too. Have a wonderful and blessed evening! It's basically going to be a lot of hard work with boring things to me while doing self-employed stuff like possibly working at a radio station, transcribing medical reports, and internet marketing. My main passion deals in working with computer-related things like programming and networking. There are a lot of good jobs out there, but I'm just starting out and still learning the ropes while getting valid written certifications with practicing some hands-on experience. I'm so glad that I nailed a position related to I.T. which is going to end up paying off for me. I'm going to have to be like a 24 hour machine, which is going to be a challenge.

Interesting

Sometimes you just have to keep on moving on and being content with yourself no matter how others are trying to bring you down. It's really sort of getting to that point with some people. Well, I guess by feeling that I'm not really doing something bad and literally knowing it while others are being bad with me, I guess there's no shame in dealing with whatever they want to exaggerate. Hehe.

I'm feeling practically really good these days and realize that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. When it comes to dealing with my sins, they were very personal and the Lord gave me compassion and mercy while suffering with them. Hypothetically speaking, as long as I did not do anything wrong in the process and my thinking was not bad, even if others end up messing you up there's nothing wrong with me in the eyes of God. There's no need to get mad or totally in the mood of screwing someone over, especially if I'm not in jail after a cop tried with all his might to put me there but really couldn't. Haha. After all, the people who have opinions and were involved in witnessing the actions don't really have any strong remarks and I should be happy about gaining some grounds physically with them while moving on emotionally and burying hard feelings. Forgiving in the eyes of God to me means completely letting go. I guess my indirect moody behavior to get some payment from them is to just quip with humor.

Well, I'm Spending

Practically an area that I've gone really esoteric with is budget management. I have found some great jobs in the past, but I've always had some discrepancies for some reason. I guess that makes me a normal failure. I'm pretty much getting to that proper mood where everyone is supposed to be. I'm doing presumably fine I guess now. I don't know what it is with people sometimes trying to butt in with your life because they think they know better than you. I have had these incidences with me for the last couple months. Because I reject their help, they practically get mad and act out like they need to be in a punishing mood with me. I guess that's the pains of life I need to deal with.

I normally believe in giving people chances and hoping for the best out of them even though it can hurt. I still am trying to mean well with this new setting of people thinking they know better than me and then start going off in trying to punish me because I reject their ideas. There is always some type of problem. Probably mainly not making sense about something or not understanding or just being pesky. These annoyances are starting to get rather fun to deal with and not something I should get all mad dog about.

It Does Not Really Matter

I'm writing this post because I'm just going to open up that I've been fancying Facebook and understanding my situation that people sort of make with me. I've been noticing that some girls have removed their connection with me online and others are very cool about connecting.

Overall, I don't think the decision should be affecting me that much. It should not really be a big deal and I think that's just what I'm going to have to accept. I guess I'll come across as a jerk going up to speak to them clearly about it. If they overreact, it's only in natural setting for people to come up and say to stop doing something. I just need to persist and learn to get what I'm sort of interested in acquiring. I'm going to do it in a nice and smart manner to the best of my ability and not worry about mistakes anymore. I'm just going to say whatever is on my mind and allow it to get adjusted.

This is going to be a really interesting thing to open up to the public eventually in like a court room setting. Where things are appropriate to talk about, it's just going to be about opening up and being normal like I've always been. I'm glad that I'm not interested in fully blowing up anymore even though others may find that I have good reason for doing it. It's sort of inspiring pity and I don't really want to go that way with the hard times that we are all facing and the hypocritical nature that's been exhibited. I'm an adult that's being talked to by all walks of life. This is so interesting in investigating and discovering what it is without getting so emotionally hung over. Might as well just get random and try to be appropriate and adjust without using what I think is my worst trait. Even though it may sound mean in the beginning, I still need to persist in trial and error.

Walking In Daylight

I sort of write this post because I've been accustomed to reading about vampires or hearing about them. You know how vampires walk the night and stalk their human prey or adversaries. Haha. I'm starting to sleep and sometimes don't like sleeping for a long time. For some reason, by laying down for a long time my mind hates the inactivity and makes my body starve for some physical exercise. I'm going to go work out, make myself a little taller if possible by trying some yoga (haha), and continue to study hard.

I believe that I'm ready to get involved and making good progress. Maybe I'm not the greatest at what I do but sure gets beaten if I get to a point of going somewhere. It takes two to tango I hear that saying sometimes.

Getting Situated

I think it's really time for me to just pray to God and read Scriptures. I'm finding that I'm not always focused on paying attention to circumstances but really want to give some effort into finding out. Even though my emotions make me suffer a lot more sometimes, it's not enough to make me depressed and an unruly person. I pretty much want to live on a consistent basis now and really get to the point of doing things that I said I would be doing. I'm basing it a lot off of living in confidence now.

Looks like my pattern is to keep spending on education right now. Maybe my hobby is to educate myself with material so I could eventually use it to make a difference. I have this pretty strong feeling that my cash flow is going to get pretty big. I might as well make the most of not trying to be selfish for personal triumphs.

Just Posting About Something

Today, I'm realizing that life is okay and sometimes we all need time to ourselves. Apart from this whole personal decision thing which is funny and how I'm overcoming opinions with whiffs of confidence, it's really good to move on. Some things may be painful like when a person says he longer wants to be friends with you and has not been very open with you. Haha. I'm going to go off topic a little. I feel a little sad that the Yankees won the World Series...I was rooting for my favorite team, the Angels. I grew up with the Angels where they lost a lot of seasons. I ended up still liking them even though they lost so many games that one year. They had this really bad losing streak after being in first place and then they ended up losing the whole thing. Hehe.

Baseball is all fun and games. The Yankees were really hot and they did it through timely pitching and hitting. They were a great team this year. I wonder if they'll be repeating. I think statistics on paper will show that the Yankees are always going to be a powerhouse to meddle with in the MLB. The owner has like over 210 million dollars invested in the team. The most of any team in the majors. It seems like it could turn some people off from watching baseball, especially with what everyone considers to be the best player Alex Rodriguez and getting through his steroid usage and breaking up in his former marriage to go hang out with Madonna. They were very humble this year, and by adding talent into their lineup they took the MLB by storm. It's only like their 27th time with winning the World Series. Overall, humility and great talent really has its place.

Job Found

I'm just writing this post because I found a good job to work on. I will now have some income to go to school for pursuing after a Master's. I have a full week to search for other jobs and get stuff taken cared of before I get busy working. I need to pretty much utilize my time wisely now. It's going to be hard sacrificing but I hope I make it in the right areas. I think I should pursue after learning about good things I have desire for instead of just busting out my game console and remote control. People are important for me to love, in my opinion. I would really like to contribute in the best way possible. I myself can want to be an evil person sometimes and I just should not get so caught up in that. There are a lot of blessed people I would love to stick around. There are some who have big issues that were not so obvious to me in the beginning because they were deceitful, mean, and callous over the long period of having known them. I still want to be at peace with them because that's the type of person I am. I think strengthening a relationship in the Lord is a mighty task that is looked upon with love by God. The Bible says "Blessed are the peacemakers...Blessed are the meek..." The Bible says "Honesty is like a kiss on the lips." Haha. Another one says something like "Don't let the sun go down while you are angry." That's been a challenge for me sometimes and by talking to the individual or trying to reach in communication it sort of has helped me to let those feelings go. I think they are being really humanly selfish because they can't seem to let something go in their beliefs with me. They don't really have good backing because they have not even once reiterated the message that bothered them. Overall, things don't make sense and they are being selfish about it. This is really awkward in essence and easy for me to forgive.

Going To Job Interview

Hey, I am a pretty fortunate person to be willfully pursued after by some job interviewers. This is nice because they are nice and so generous to call me up. I don't really want to stay home all the time and do practically nothing and end up consuming more money and lose it all. That would not be a really smart thing to do. My parents are thinking about moving to a new house which is a lot bigger and I would seriously need to help them pay the mortgage. My sister sort of wants to remain cheap about not helping to pay off my parents in the house. I can understand her agony of working at a place and settling for second place in economic status. Hehe.

I am going to really be stocking about on more money and using it wisely to gain useful knowledge just to help out around my industry. To give back and be a good team player. I think it's great to have that type of opportunity. It would really fulfill one of my needs in life. I do realize that loving someone is really simple and sometimes unsuccessful people like the ones I came across are there to drag your mood down and keep you from succeeding by being humanly selfish. It's an area where I'm learning to forgive completely and to have faith on the Father to deliver me from being evil in times of frustration and temptation. I'm learning to manage because of the love that Christ has overflowed my life with.

Job Situation

This is just referencing what I did to start out with looking for a job. For me, I submitted about 300 resumes starting at Career Builder and Monster. I ended up getting some responses the next day. I received some calls for marketing and those type of calls really felt very shaky. I really researched it and found out that there were some complaints about the job, so I want to avoid going to those jobs mainly because it's not really dealing with my passion. One of the girls I wrote about anonymously with a fake name has a job as a marketer at a Hilton Hotel, so it seems a little peculiar right now to have feelings of chasing after her for me. Haha. The other girl I wrote about has a job as an insurance agent, so it's the same thing for me about not wanting to really chase after her. Heh. The girl who works for Hilton Hotel did express interest in getting an M.B.A. which I am really thinking about pursuing. There must be a little connection with her but in irrelevant settings, so in that case I really do not mind persuading her to open up with me and just fostering a normal happy mood setting. I'm not ever going to get around to yelling at Abby or Betsy. They are fake names that I am associating with real people. I guess it's by default since they are female, I don't really want to use my full adrenaline on them and just figure out what makes them happy so I could use that to my benefit in the future with other girls who I just want to be friends with. At the same time, I just want to be gentle with communicating in person with them.

I also received some calls to be an Account Manager for this business which sort of makes me laugh. I have a technical background and so some employers must not really mind the technical background and on top of pursuing after an M.B.A. Looks like, I will definitely have more jobs to interview for with an MBA. I did receive a call for a senior level technical position too which was awesome. I think I'm on an okay track so far.

Gaining An Hour

Today, I'm realizing that I have a lot of energy stored up underneath me. I think I am really a lot about performance while having the goods in an okay fashion. I woke up thinking that I missed church and sure enough, I really did not. I really need to start utilizing my time better and planting my heart in a more beautiful direction. It's like really easy to get lazy because underneath it all it's pretty funny to be all indolent. I guess for me I was mixing up a lot about commitment and displeasure and trying to be patient about some things. When it really comes down to feeling hopeless about finding the true person in your life, I think it boils down to really having confidence that there is someone out there. It's okay to share and be open about your preferences because that's how we were brought up. Some things may be pretty dumb and make me not want to be around that person but as long as there is a peaceful resolution I would not really mind. It feels like I really need to lead after all this calamity that's been drilled on me.

It's been emotionally a challenge in that I felt a lot of adrenaline and really wanted to yell at people who I thought were a bunch of vexing individuals who were up to no good. I think the energy of persistence is there for me which is not a bad thing. I think this adrenaline issue of mine is what some people think that I need to get help on. I'm coming to terms with it even though I really want to blame and justify that basically one guy thought he knew it all but practically closed things on me and really brought me to a level of wanting to stay frustrated. Because of my reaction, he practically lost control with the situation and did not know what to do so he would call up the authority to meddle with what he thought he could do on his own. Wow, that was pretty bad and I am become patient about this and learning to be open in a nice manner. I think I'm really ready to resolve the issue and sort of laugh at the people who act all angry with me even though I don't really know him and then make all these open allegations about me which is so funny. I just need to behave normally and be honest with myself.

Just Posting Something

I'm just not really in the mood for typing right now but I'm going to still really be consistent with this posting. It's been really helping me recover from abusing my adrenaline with people who just been annoying me and don't really make any sense. I'm really doing a lot better than I should be. I think I'm becoming very normal in the sense that things are improving in my life. I'm so much more calmer than usual and sense that I could have greater influence even for me being a short guy.

I think height really does not matter and that when other guys just like say that there's really no beautiful person in this world who won't be with you, it is sort of being ignorant. Haha. We all carry sins that need to be repented of daily. I think the most important thing in this world is really loving God first and then secondly loving others as like they were good neighbors.

Pretty Cool Start in Job Hunt

I think I can exaggerate and say there's like over 100 K jobs related to the I.T. industry in my state. Let's see, there's the Silicon Valley where Bill Gates used to thrive and there's also another tech bowl in Orange County. There's a lot of jobs out there in Los Angeles with it being the largest city in the U.S. There are so many opportunities that there's no shame in signing up for a lot of them and never being returned a phone call. It really does not matter because as you put yourself out there and learn more material that is proven to be relevant to the work force, all these people are going to want to hire you. There is no shame in the work that you put in to get a job because it's ethical. Money is necessary but it is not really how human happiness operates. It's just the joy and passion of doing something you could make an earning off of that really holds true. It's just a mature thing to contribute at work. It's also Biblically accepted to get a job even though working at someone's company for a wage could be seen upon as a gamble. Anything that really deals with earning money is a form a gamble. It's just that some are more stable in its actuality and worth it. Like you could go to a casino and watch others win cash and get all happy which could be good but it's like if you put in the money, you definitely have a losing advantage against the casino. I don't recommend gambling your money in general. There's at least some form of agreement with the employer which could overlook your gambling aspect of working for them. You are basically gambling your time to make some money. Money is great to have but I think family, friends, and people in this world are directly more important than someone's wealth. Overall, when you are old enough it's okay to make your own decisions. So, be careful because I care.

I guess if you really speak the truth around others, they could really see your flaws. Being open about it and being selfish is like technically normal and not so really appealing. Man, I try not to get so mad about life but yeesh I feel lots of adrenaline at times by putting some thought into this pretty irritating and strange girl who I just don't want to really feel any physical attraction for. I did write about her by using a fake name. I am still going to protect her image from the internet audience but if someone finds out just letting it be known that her name is pretty common. My sister's name is pretty common too but she got plagued with identity theft. Poor gals. My sister has been annoying me a lot too but I guess I need to step up to being a big brother and try to dump out the adrenaline that I'm occasionally feeling and by being more open. I think girls can handle full throttle honesty and then start getting all nice and honest with you too. I would hate my sister visiting me in jail and going like I told you so in a nice way. I would really want to sock the living daylights out of another guy then.

Realizing Something Comforting

I'm going to cheat my usual daily dose of writing and double up just for today. Halloween is coming around the corner and I've been thinking about checking out Knott's Scary Farm for the first time with a friend. It seems like the end of this month is going to be cold windy weather for Halloween.

The main motive of writing this second post is because I have something that I need to share. I'm realizing that the pursuit of going after money is in actuality some form of gambling. People sometimes generalize this form of gambling as investing because there is skill and studying involved. The love of money is stated to be the root of all evil. You do need money to control an economy and sometimes greed can cause a chaotic mess for selfish individuals who could parade over innocent and fooled individuals.

I myself have discovered that gambling in the form of investing using your skills which is another way of stating going in to work for earning income for supporting a family is deemed permissible in an ethical fashion. It makes me feel comfortable because when you are out of job and searching for other jobs, just knowing this fact that the pursuit of money is all a gamble does not really hurt that bad because you can develop faith to overcome this hurdle. By working hard to find a job and earn something, it's all worth it even if you gain little in the beginning. My morale is starting to grow and I feel like I can make important decisions now as in being the man of the house with of course respecting the opinions of my future partner and old counselors.

Being buried in work and making money could be good but I think it's just a gamble and should be still treated with respect. When it deals with making an earning, the perspective is most definitely in the appearance of gambling, when it deals with something you have grown to be passionate about then I think making a huge earning does not really matter that much anymore because it could be generous of you to contribute to the industry. Overall, it's great to have riches and materialistic comforts but in the end what really matters more is your family, your friends, and the people who are in the world around you. Working for tenants is like gambling but since it deals with skill and is pretty stable it's considerably an acceptable type of investment that could space us out from greater responsibilities but it's still needed. It's best to accept that we are all evil and that it could reasonably be safe to conclude that only one person in the history of mankind came out to be perfect. I feel no shame after all in looking for a job and working on making money with considerable skill and then using the skill to make contributions to this world. I'm still evil though and feel lots of adrenaline sometimes still from feeling that I was wronged but I think I can learn to manage on being consistently satisfied without being a danger to anybody and doing stuff to my body to make it healthy and appear better. I am definitely becoming a communicator and blogging enthusiast now.

Guess What, It's Today

Hey there. Hello. Guten tag. Hola! Bon jour...Grutzi... 안녕!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man it was fun to write that. I'm planning on executing a plan this time. I've been practically wasting my time and valuable resources because I have not been able to make a reasonable return with the investment I put in. I don't think there's anything wrong in putting a lot of hard work to a home business that you have faith in. Just be prepared for getting hit hard if it does not work out. With all the promises that a company will claim to sign up with them, it must be just a marketing scheme for the business to make profit and then to encourage more people to sign up for the ones who do well. It makes sense to have the powerful decision to say no in this case. There's an agreement somewhere with plenty of information given.

It's a really tough trick to not lose your cool when someone is giving you convicted reasons that sound really dumb to you. Almost everyone I know can fall into this trip with me. I really hate it when it happens with me. Pretty much, all relationships have this type of break with me. I hate it so much that I want to marry a girl who is normally unconfrontational. I've been meeting a lot of these non-confrontational girls for some reason even though I don't feel like my appearance is all that sharp, they somehow smile at me for some reason and can give me acceptance. Or it's that arrogant emotion that they project that you end up submitting to while feeling personally hurt about something that you don't want to relate them to. Hmm, I can normally do really well with girls in general. I did not really notice that for awhile. It's the guys who have dumb hormones in their heads that start acting up with me and I need to seriously speak out my mind without yelling at them. I seriously need to also not yell at my biologically younger sister who sometimes can blurt out dumb messages to me. This is a very tough trick to succumb to and to hold your cool.

Feeling Pretty Okay

I think I'm starting to adjust to being at home so much. I mean I have time to go out get some fresh air by working out my body at least on something. I've been finding it really hard to let go of some urges that have not been very productive for me. I'm only realizing after the cycle of excitement and putting long hours into it the after effects of what I did. I guess I'm not fully proud of everything that I did. I guess I have not really been living out my full desires that I've been wanting to. I'm starting to get a break with myself in that I'm not this lonely shy person anymore underneath me. I feel like I don't have to be so brave anymore. I know that I'm really short and that when it comes to the dating scene, some are going to reject me because of it. I guess I don't really mind that much about it anymore. I just personally want to be taller for some other reason I guess. Maybe it's this inner drive to have longer reach and to actually be taller than someone I like.

Overall, I think it's really about the personality that counts. All the outside appearance is nice and cool but the heart is the most important. If you lack in everything else, as long as you have a repentant heart that seeks after Jesus I don't think you'll be suffering forever. I'm not so afraid of opening up anymore and being completely honest about myself to others anymore. I might as well repent from things that I'm ashamed of so that when people ask me about these things I could sort of feel okay downplaying some things that I don't really want to let out. I think giving it all to Jesus in faith will pretty much release me from all my worries.

I'm going to keep a private diary and write all my darkest secrets and desires. I'll then relate it to how Jesus wants me to repent and ask God for forgiveness. I truly need to live out a Christian walk this time around. I think working out and getting plenty of rest while working full time on a job that I think I'm really good at and investing on wealth to give to the needy and God's kingdom will pretty much make me a whole person. Maybe I'll retire early and raise a family full-time afterward. That would be nice.

Let's Talk About Abby

I'm making another reference to a fake name. This person is a real girl but I'm not mentioning her real name in order to protect her image in front of the internet audience. I have done some searching and her full name is not really that unique as there are like several hundreds of this name. It's a pretty common name, and I've seen photos of really good looking people who top this person with the same name. I'm also doing this partially to protect my own image too. I just want to be fully honest with someone who could potentially read my posts. I feel that this will let go of some hindrances in my life and help me develop into a more nice and potentially good person. This girl Abby is someone who introduced herself to me in the beginning. I take it to mean in my heart that she was dating someone. I was physically attracted to her as I usually was for meeting a woman. She played her role in reaching out to me, and I became really shy with her and sort of gave off the body language that I wanted her to keep her distance with me. I was feeling a little agitated at times while being around her. During this transition I sort of started getting comfortable with my physical attractions and realized that it's like only skin deep and not the same as someone you pledge to spend the rest of your life with.

Abby pretty much closed herself off with me and made it highly difficult for me to understand why she was uncomfortable with me. I used to feel that being rejected by a girl was like one of the worst feelings and just wanted to avoid asking her out. After all, in some days the physical attraction was not at its peek, and I wanted to settle on just being friends with her. Abby seems to be a really emotional person who can cry about things that a guy like me will have trouble picking up. I'm a pretty sensitive individual, and so I pretty much care if I did something to wrong Abby. It has not been revealed yet to me what I did. I've been asking questions to others about it that have reflected on my wishful skepticism and just needed confirmation. These other guys started acting really rude with me and did not give me the information that I felt I had a right to question and discover.

I'm sort of doing it on my own, nowadays. I totally wonder if her decision to not place me on a social networking site is really dealing with her decision to not date me as a person. An attractive girl who I met as a stranger out of the blue at a coffee shop, put me on Facebook like it was no hassle to her. I sort of asked her why Abby was acting this way to get a girl's perspective. She told me that she does not know why girls act this way sometimes and that maybe the relationship was supposed to be bigger than I could imagine. I remember feeling a little bothered, sidelined, and in between my rushing thoughts of formerly chasing after Abby by noticing a ring on her finger. It was not really on her marriage finger, but I was so curious to what the background of it was. I really wanted to be friends with Abby so she could open up with me in some intimate details about her life.

Morning Time

I'm ready to do the best I can. My own personal issues are something that I'm finally understanding. I guess I get stuck on some things that are pretty shallow which could take down my confidence. I'm ready to let those things go. It does not really involve anyone and I am so capable of praying for others and wishing the best for them. It has to deal with me keeping my emotions in check. Everyday, I'm seeking to push myself to obtain something that I desire. I guess I'm doing fine nowadays and need to get around to promoting wonderful things that are a blessing from the Lord. I need to be better at handling sad events for myself. I'm not going to kill myself because of something very bad that happened to me or if I perceive some distress for myself which is pretty daily for me, but I want to stay in focus and truly repentant for eternity now.

Writing Safely About Others

I'm starting to realize that nothing is as always as it seems. Personality plays a very large role in determining how others are motivated to behave around you. Sometimes, a temporary discomfort is necessary to sort it out. It is not like the person sometimes really has something bad to deal with you. I think this is where the act of being able to calm down, be nice, and be extremely honest plays a very good role. I don't think it's gambling at any time being at your best behavior because it's what everyone should strive for doing even if others don't want to see what you are doing is beneficial. I, myself, am going through some adrenaline underneath. I know this and that's it is something personal of mine. It makes me feel capable of feeling guilty when I have this adrenaline underneath me. I think my feelings are something I could easily downplay and take control over. I can still be a rational individual. I just don't really know about them now.

Today's Approach

I have this stint where I'll be paid about $18/hr for moving machines around to convert different technology for a JP Morgan bank. It included training. I am also paid for being part of the training. It was one of those conference calls that you log onto. A very cool thing that I have is a magicJack which allows you to place computer calls and make unlimited calls for the whole year and call anywhere in the U.S. or Canada. It's been highly useful and I love the invention. I have a built-in microphone on my laptop so it proves its usefulness.

I'm starting to realize bluntly that the guilt that I had was only centered on me and not because I was being bad with others. These people may like to say that I was being bad around them but I really was not. I was having a hard time deciphering their cryptic remarks and where they were coming from. They were just full of hot air and trying to be good about it. They failed by going overboard and is calling upon others to support their decision. This is where it gets very tricky in drawing the line and feels like almost everybody who does not have that much experience in being a socialite and pretty open about themselves will give me bad advice in fulfilling this direction. My solution is to just be nice about it and to talk to them even if they don't want to hear about it. I'm glad that I have enough friends playing devil's advocate with me to help give me practice in what the true approach should be. On the long run, this type of practice is giving me an edge and confidence that is not going to swagger. It's going to be used for a good purpose because I'm being nice. It's like the best combination in feeling quite happy about yourself and not worrying so much or depending on them for something that they can't really provide. It's just nice to be around because it's me that's being courteous and not really them. In other words, I want to step up to the plate in leading them to the Lord's kingdom. It feels like they've been lost sheep who have gone astray. Four things- pray, fellowship, read the Bible, share your faith with others; that's how you grow as a Christian.

What I needed

Okay, let's talk about Betsy really fast. She's a fake name but some may be able relate who Betsy is. I am just calling her a different name to be protective about her and to also protect my own image. You can add character and supposedly say whatever you want because you have decided to use a fake name. I don't think it's going to hurt me or anyone else by doing this. It would be good to let off some steam.

Betsy pretty much said there was a conflict and mentioned it by stating she was uncomfortable about something she did not understand. It's pretty trippy because I sent messages to her that were not clarified and they seemed to make her mad for some reason. My intent was not to start conflict and to lay off on powerful words. Oh well, Betsy sort of said something was there when I was meaning to say all along that there really was not anything.

Story about Bob

Bob is a pretty fake character that I'm making up. Before I go on to talking about other people with their fake names, I will talk about Bob. Bob's mind is so distracted. He has been watching a lot of porn recently and is starting to feel entangled by it. He is in love with this woman Erica and just can't see himself using the pursuit of porn as making this woman happy.

Bob is starting to realize that the world may be different and entangled in this web of deceit. What people claim to make a living out of could actually be a stumbling block to others. Bob needs to realize that there's a true savior out there. Someone who everyone has turned their backs on. He realizes that his mind is currently corrupted and wants to recover without having to claw his way back. He believes that a lot of people downplay his emotions and so getting therapy would be useless. He needs a healing in his life. Bob realizes that when others asked him to leave, he knew that they were at their peril and wrong about the approach. As frustrated or annoyed he was, he tried to solve it using his own resources. He had this guilty feeling all along. This type of living that comes from being filled with depravity. He was confused and wondered if it had to deal with these people telling him things he did not want to hear about.

They were making a big deal out of hot air. The real issue centers around Bob's private life when Bob is all by himself. Bob's coy remarks found on the e-mails with these people have nothing to do with what Bob is feeling guilty about. Bob just needs to center his attention on being right with God. A concept that is totally unheard of. A loving savior who asked the Father to forgive those who crucified him. To Bob, he is starting to realize that being right with Jesus is the way to happiness, forgiveness, excitement, and contentment. No matter what journey Bob has struggled with, Jesus promised the Holy Spirit to work in his life. Mark 10:26-27 says And they were greatly astonished, saying among themselves, "Who then can be saved?" But Jesus looked at them and said, "With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible."

People I Will Bluntly Talk About

Over the course of the next few days, I will concentrate on talking about everything and writing anything that I want to say. To be protective to my own image and to be sensitive about the details I may end up sharing, I will invent names for real people. By being descriptive about who they are, it may get a little fabricated because I might be just in the mood of making fun of them to laugh away a lot of adrenaline and prevent myself from going to up to do something weird to them. I am going to solve it without their feedback because they have several times tried to go over it without really wanting to talk about it; this makes it really hard to notice what they wanted with me and how I was driving conflict. For goodness sake, I was asking reasonable questions that one guy felt was so annoying. He started whispering to me all these ridiculous remarks that makes you not want to be friends with this person. It's pretty much stating things that build up adrenaline for me. I think he really did not know what was happening after all, and the human element is that whatever he wanted me to do good about is that he should have done the same. That is why I feel he was a hypocrite.

This issue could potentially be really bad and huge for them. It could also make me look bad depending on where you stand. I'm fairly good at explaining consequences and stuff like that so it might make you feel bad to go against me after awhile. I was not really sure of myself in the beginning but I guess I'm becoming more keen and aware of the situation now. It deserves a little attention with me. These people are fabricated names not real but I guess some people may be able to relate to who they are, but I will also make up a location to.

These are the names I am going to use for all of them are a little twisted Asians: Betsy, Abby, Shawn, Charles, Brian, Gabrielle, and Anakin. I'll leave this post now until I feel more adrenaline about this issue. I pretty much feel like I unloaded everything already. I am going to be using the last sentence a lot, I think. Let's say they all live somewhere in northern Europe and hang out pretty often because they mesh together at a church with a common purpose of praying and greeting others.

Dumping out the bad things

I guess there are more stuff about me that bothers me more than just a stupid thing that a few people want to do to push me away literally, forcefully, violently verbally. This is something that's really funny to me because I never intend on bad things happening to them to get them to go this path. I think they are totally blinded by something. However, I'm hoping that they'll come around and be healthy and be able to reconcile their mad emotions that are inexplicable with me right now.

I'm really closing in how my true nature and feelings and how I want to be living the dream. It takes work to get there, and it's something that is not going to grow on trees. Maybe, my desires are totally simple and not so hard to relate to. However, I think the one and only true God should be the one in charge of all our lives.

Dee dee Random

I'm just having fun typing something on my blog today. I'm just having lots of fun and want to continue having fun doing this just for good laughs personally. I am glad that I am not in trouble with writing on this blog. I am glad that it's so great that words can be designed in a clever manner to hurt others but it's wrong to do that for a selfish purpose. I should be very careful of my adrenaline because I can pick up on things and point them out that really offends people. I heard that people by nature don't like to hear bad stuff about them in person. It's hard to deal with this sometimes because they go through stuff and sometimes want to be ignorant. I can sometimes see that by being a better person you can make others around you calm down. By bossing them around by yelling, it works for me since I'm this short guy who comes across as pretty smart but can be really sweet and nice but I don't really want to do that. I want to be consistently cool about it and open to hearing about their blunt issues. Haha.

Exception Rule

Hi, I think I'm typing another post because I'm so good at making sentences. I pretty much want to be blunt about these weird situations that occurred to me. I don't want to come across as a really bad person, but I guess I should not really impose this on people because it's like really bad for their health to hear it. If you would really to hear my really bad side then might as well drop me an e-mail and ask about my evil nature. You may be surprised of who I am and what I will admit to and also downplay for the sake of wanting to be peaceful and not offensive to others. As time goes on, I will find that connection that makes sense with people. I will admit that on an account that I won't admit I have dropped a lot of impudent and daring comments. These people don't really know me and they just pretty much make even more ruder comments which is a lot of fun. They pretty much hit the thumbs down key and the worst I've had is like -30. Must be someone who just spends their hitting their button on my comment because they think it's fun or it could really be people who thought my comment was stupid or whatever in their testosterone driven thing. Don't get me wrong, my comments may be most of the time, but most of the time it only seems to offend a little bit of people. Probably because of its lack of relevance and basically making myself laugh and not to them.

Hello

Hi, I'm just typing something as usual. I guess I can spend time on this blog because I just like to write and I should show that I could be consistent and that I'm a safe person. I can be really blunt now since this is my blog. There are some things I still don't want to talk about for the sake of protecting people's interests. I would not want the complication of people coming up to me and saying that I damaged their reputation because I was not careful and put something on here.

Disadvantages of Playing Online Poker

This post is just something I'm creating because poker seems to be getting more popular these days. Let's assume that money is more priority than just fun and that the person is making it full time. Let's also assume that the person is really poor and has average talent, along with no sponsors really to cover the costs of getting blanked by a gambler, which they refer to as sometimes a donkey.

1. It can be addicting.

2. There is an up and down spread in your winnings. You'll maximize your chances of winning at any given moment but then something comes swooping down and says no to your hard effort and thought given into it. They mention this as getting beat by a two outer or that 1 card you know won't pop up actually appears. This is where people have been known to throw tantrums because they don't want to accept what poker players call a bad beat.

3. Since you are poor, you could get so energetic and carried away with the cheap sit and go tournament also referred to as a SNG. After a hard hour of reading people's cards mentally, you can just rake in a small measly 2 bucks, or a 100% return on investment.

4. People can play so random and be deceiving. It's like sometimes they don't want you to call but place a huge bet. This is also known as bluffing. There are other times when you want people to call but your calculations of how much to put in is inaccurate. This is also known as out-betting or under-betting a value bet.

5. It just makes you feel sorry to get kicked in the rear by another player. You can still place an online note on the tab which poker sites provide you with that he does not know how to play and just got lucky. Yeah, ignoring the fact that he took all your chips.

6. It can get your mind off of important and more natural things like having sex with your spouse or from coming to the dinner table and making up excuses to stay at the computer.

7. Everyone is a winner and loser. It is the worst oxymoron ever, and this one player still thinks he can outlast them all. His excuse for getting knocked out is that they all play really inferior to him. He has won the most championships so maybe he has a point.

8. It's ultimately with a skill set that involves anticipating if a person has a better hand than you. This can be used and totally annihilate you versus other people if you are not a winner in the first place. Like you could start carrying more guts and really make things worse for yourself by being stuck in this psychological arrogance that should be avoided or gut wrenching decision that should be done which could mean life or death.

9. Maybe there's another passion that needs to be fed but the gaming is interfering with your life. No offense with all the professional players who made it big. They seriously mastered the complex system and world of chaos that involves just a deck of playing cards. They have it pretty unique and can be pretty laid back people with fans.

10. It can seriously be a rough sport. It is not for everyone and probably some would not even try it and be conservative which is okay. It is sometimes a peculiar experience because it's hard to gauge where the sweet spot is.

I've outlined ten reasons with some filler statements. Maybe going on this ride is an unnecessary experience.

Haha

I guess I'm doing okay so far today and mentally I'm pretty sound. I'm just on my own and really being lousy with myself right now. I think I can be funny if I want to be and that can help in establishing relationships again. I think I'm fine and nothing is wrong with me.

Eventually It's Going to Click

One of these days, I am going to give up all the bad habits I'm doing and become that person I really want to be deep down inside. No hard feelings with anyone and no resentments with people. I am really brave enough to bring up the topic now and lead the way with any problem someone has with me. I really want to avoid falling into temptations and following the pack. I just do it because I am inspired by Jesus in my life. I managed to get a 3 day trial membership at a YMCA yesterday. Not much of an accomplishment, but looking forward to checking out what I could do at a gym to get fit and healthy.

I'm so poor and will eventually get that job and protein in my body to make me stronger. The active part of me is going to initiate. I am truly okay and wherever I am at, I will make the most of it and worship God after praying for forgiveness. I'm going to feel much better if I get consistent in doing what my heart truly would be content with. I'm going to work on myself first and take my time without hurting myself. I want to love others and to do this, I'm going to have to spend time modeling my life after a loving Savior who is ignored very often in people's lives.

Blueprint to riches+optional fun at work Version 1.0

I'm just going to write this in case someone would like to try out my ideas of wealth. This could potentially generate $300-$500 per day or maybe a lot more with low maintenance once set up right. I am going to share what I know to reward that special someone, if he or she decides to use these things. This is pretty much free information given by me. I have tried other things too but I think these things that I'm listing have the most potential in raking cash with lowest money to gamble. Expect to gamble some money and to put in some time. I'm pretty much laying it all out because I might be as well be useful and encourage others to contribute their wealth for helping out people they want to care about.

For the first six, just google for it. Only one of them has been verified by me to work really well and is marked.

1. Blackmask
2. Google Assassin
3. FapTurbo
4. TradingFromHome.com *
5. Google Payload
6. Adwords Miracle

For the next two, focus on placing ads in the right magazines. It can get a little tricky and will take experimentation. Basically, the magazine or periodical must specifically be related to the product that the intended readers would be interested in. The periodicals will vary for all locations. I would say try searching online or go to a library to search for placing these related ads.

1. Magic Kids (Liquidated Children's Clothing)
2. Ecoquest (Ozone Layer Creator Air Purifiers)

This next option deals with buying stock options. Basically the most profit is made during a upward or downward trend in the stocks. It basically takes advantage of dramatic change of an economic situation.

1. Optionetics

I have come across an organization that focuses on top-notch service with real estate. You can practically search a database where professionals will manage the home for you and give you some residual income. You just place a down payment on the home and then rent it out to someone. You just provide the financing and then a group of professionals handle the management of renting out your new home. They also provide classes that are taught by some of the world's best real estate professionals.

1. Noveu Rouche

I also know how you can get a 120 K job. Get an I.T. degree and then get certified in the networking field. Basically search for popular Cisco certifications (CCNA, CCNP, CCIE, and CCDP) in Network Engineering careers and also Microsoft ones (MCSE and MCSA). If you get a lot of these certifications you'll definitely land a job in this huge job market. It is growing daily in jobs because the internet is practically being used everywhere and things going wireless relate to this I.T. field. Take this option, only if you see yourself having a passion doing this line of work. If you would like to take a managerial role then maybe a MBA with technological emphasis might be useful.

Optional fun

1. Start an e-bay related business that deals with drop shipping (google this for some programs).
2. Get some coaching to set up an online business website - Omni Business Solutions (*risky and pricey)
3. Work at a radio station that gives you air time that you can pay for or get sponsored for it - ARN in Hollywood...(managable to fit any 24 hour block)

Try to keep to a minimal amount of time if you like this stuff:

1. Playing online poker
2. Mystery Shopping

Do more of exploring your options and discover what you are into. Make room for lots of hobbies if you are still single and waiting on your love life before your new family or spouse becomes your new number one priority.

Side Note:

If you want to develop some pride in health terminology, become a Medical Transcriber. Google for "School of Medical Transcriptionist" or "MT Professional". There are some fees to pay. I only recommend this if you want to be an enthusiast. There is a job offer if you graduate into a professional. You get paid approximately 11-13 an hour but get to work at home and set up your own hours. I might just do only one hour and read up on health a lot to be a useful person for others, as just a hobby.

Hits and Misses

I don't really know someone who would really want to waste their time with me reading all my posts. I guess I'm just doing this for myself. I tend to like to write and then let others do what they need to say. I'm starting to understand that relevance to the the topic is very and highly important. It could make you come across as a mean and dumb person if you do not speak on the topic. Sometimes you could act a certain way to give the other person an impression about how you feel about the situation and then be like I don't know where I need to change. That's quite a funny impression and can seriously leave your opponent flustered and feel totally alienated from you. Once you know all the facts, which I have now through reasonable accounts and opening myself up to different possibilities in the life of others, I'm really starting to feel that someone was being dumb about this situation and caused me only a little pain. They receive a lot more pain than me so maybe it's best to relent for awhile and confront this dumb person and literally read his mind on the spot just to scare him because I don't care if he wants to put a restraining order on me now. A man putting a restraining order on me makes me think that maybe he has a feminine side that he does not know how to control very well. I'm seriously okay with receiving it again from this person. He's probably not going to file against me because I may seriously have this gritty lock on him that makes him feel really bad and locked up horrendously. I'm getting these threats of having the cops come directly to me from not directly threatening them which is an amazing feat that I don't even know how I even accomplished.

Fair Attempt

I believe that when someone does something to you like a personal decision that you do not agree with, it's okay to mention how others can see it as an issue. It requires some sacrifice, and I think discussing about your suspicions in a nice way with others around really helps a lot. It could equate a little bit into humor. Basically, what I'm talking about is that my sister decided to put me on her block list on Facebook. I think what I can say around others effectively with my sister are just three things. 1) Others could probably see this as an issue. 2) I care to listen to her personal issue because I'm just that type of person and because she does not want to talk about it, she's dismissing something that she could not be resolving with me. 3) I can jokingly ask if she is trying to have me avoid pursuing after her.

I think this is the method I've been searching after this whole year; however, my adrenaline really got in my way and I took an approach that felt unnatural because I did not want to come across as a very stressed out person who yells basically half the time I'm around here when she's by herself and not around others. It's like doing a guerrilla attack where you end up yelling at them while keeping your distance and when others show up, you just stay quiet and act normally. I guess it's effective because it's similar to how a Drill Sargent will get to you and make you cooperate; he basically cares about your well-being and wants you to stay away from being too stubborn and going defective. Hmm, I have never thought about how a short guy like me could do that sort of nasty stuff to slightly unattractive girls like my sister and these other ones who also put me on their block list. I corresponded with them in real life, not just online.

Thinking about something

There's a lot to life than meets the eye. Being filled with the passion of living life is a great thing, and sometimes I take too many things for granted. I no longer feel that adrenaline is controlling me. I no longer feel uncertain about what the whole truth is, even though it's understandable in my situation and already justified by those other guys. For me, when it comes to having a problem with the opposite sex even when it deals with my sister, I think it should not be about pursuing after them in a wrong direction. It should about focus, friendship, and concern. Even if it cross paths with my own interests, I should not think about it as being selfish. They hold the decision in the end, and this type of talk is not about a person being ridiculed for feeling that he is a short person.

Getting a job and working there, it's like almost certain that the worker will get paid. I have thought about the possible funny outcome of the world crashing to the floor then there's no more money to work for. In an empty world, God truly fills the void. This sacrificial God forgave believers of their sins, and they have entrance into His eternal goodness. No matter how faulty believers are sometimes like the ones I came across in the San Gabriel Valley, God still loves them. I think some of those peculiar boys and girls had some unsettled emotions that were inherited from their parents who immigrated or faced separation and prefer to live in negativity.

Writing at 6 am

I'm up right now after having an important dream that pretty much ties everything together over a stupid mess that others were ignorant over. I think out of their ignorance and causing something really bad to happen to me; I've been really able to calm down and not feel the adrenaline or unfairness tugging me down anymore. I know it's not wrong to reveal what they did wrong to me; it's going to affect others around me. There is nothing wrong in resolving a situation revolving around humanity, big or small thing. The reason why they haven't really reached out to me is because they are not really that capable of doing it, and I actually have provided that channel for them just that they have not been able to induce the proper respect that you give to a fellow.

Boston Red Sox lost to the Angels yesterday which was a pleasant surprise. They were shut out throughout the whole game, and I think that was an amazing accomplishment that the Angels did. Today, Angels are going up against the best pitcher of Red Sox, Beckett. Beckett has compiled a really respectable win-loss ratio with a good ERA; he's very compatible with big game situations and will not lose very often. He's sort of been through some injuries and might be worn out; we will have to see how well Beckett is able to handle the dangerous lineup dealing with the Angels. I remember one year everybody really took the Angels lightly but this year they have really made a statement.

The Dodgers we know still have yet to make another trip to the World Series. It would be nice to have an LA Freeway Series for the World Series. With California being the largest and most popular state, it would be hard for the world to ignore this feat that has happened for the first time since professional baseball originated.

Let's be honest with myself

I'm going to write a secret post where I detail everything that I want to say. I think this is something I want to keep personal for the sake of trying to move on better. Overall, I see that my emotions are easily becoming very nice for me to overcome. I have the ability to outdo my own personal frustration and anger. I have this inner desire to be thinking about things in a fair manner whenever I feel that a thought on a person is going downhill. After all, I'm starting to not really mind a forced upon separation with others. I don't want to let down others now. I need to turn it around and be more disciplined. I could see that even though I feel that I'm really short, I have a privileged mind that feeds on feeling great about propriety, morality, humor, and nice sensibility. I think I've done enough soul searching with myself these past couple years. It's time to start a new slate clean with the hope of the Lord. I think it's okay to be blunt in front of others sometimes, even if it makes them want to shy away from you later. With a nice smile and good attitude in the face of hostility, danger, and confusion, it sure beats violence a million times.

This morning

I think my posts are starting to scare some people or make some people angered for no real reason that they would not want to bother to explain in a through manner. The questions that I ask may be so annoying to them because they don't know how to answer and still believe that I am not deserving of what it is that they can't really reveal to me. They would probably like to think that it's mean but I should just keep writing because if someone is brave enough to read my writing they will probably let it influence themselves. This writing is probably so uncomfortable that some people need to disassociate themselves and act a little different around me then they normally would. I am not trying to suck up to anybody here. I'm just trying to make sense of this adrenaline flow I'm getting and adjusting to it for the best results. I just need to be committed and that should work.

I did read about different diagnostic methods of depression, and I don't think I have it because I'm still capable of controling my own emotions. I guess I speak out my mind a lot better in person and should come to an understanding that some individuals just want to stay uptight no matter what they want to do. I need to convince them that it's wrong to view an individual from a wrong angle especially when they think they are so right. I guess that's what really scares them the most that they could be wrong when they think they are so certain about something.

Very bad very...

I need to stop doing bad things in general. It makes me feel bad, and I know I have the energy and confidence to do it without needing to think to myself about self-esteem all the time. I know that some people just talk and then eventually get themselves frustrated and then isolate themselves. I really don't know how I cause this to happen with some people, but when that happens, it sure is very annoying to me. I don't need to talk behind their backs or do all that other meaningless stuff. I do discuss about a friend's twin brother all the time. I even talk what I say twenty-four hours with him and very bluntly. I don't mind if he changes for the better because I would not want him to be a vexing person. Even if he tries to look me down, I don't really mind anymore. It's just hard work and persistence. Not too many people know about this and just feel like giving up too easy. I don't think it's fully right but it's okay I guess.

Interesting Times

Today, my faculty is filled with inspiration. I'm in a slope where my emotions are riding higher, and I feel that all my inner emotions that others sort of have displayed with ineptitude is not that bad at all. I think the more I study, the more deeper I can look into my heart. I have hope that I can solve problems with the help of the Spirit of God leading me. I think the Spirit of God wanted me to develop confidence to pursue the path of righteousness. It's a wonderful trial that I went through, and I feel that God's grace has sufficiently kept me going.

Moving Forward

A lot has been happening for me, and I'm reaching in deep to really know what my desires are. I've been so accustomed to feeling that my desires are never really going to get met in this world and that suffering through my little pains of like not getting any taller or succeeding is something to just feel underneath but try to be good about it. I'm starting to feel really confident about so many things. I really want to also express myself in a humble fashion but I guess it's not enough sometimes. Maybe, I do it in a way that is not appropriate. I think I need to be successful and happy and experience the joys of fruitfulness and helping others before I can let my heart be humble. For the time being, I should just be getting completely honest about myself and allow myself to be understanding.

Unresolved Questions with simple answers

This post just reflects the annoyances that people like to put on you with statements that don't really reflect who you are and then they state they want to help you. This is something outside the box about unresolved issues- I realize that gambling is not good, not that I really get into it or anything; that's something people could have a hard time getting over if they do it too much of. An ignorant person told me that he wanted me to become a blessing; to be a blessing you simply just need to help out in something. I guess he did not want to think about those things I excelled in to help out, while he was really bothered about something and took him awhile to crack. This probably means something good to me because I did not do something really that bad in the beginning, and he had told me that he was sorry for what he did. I'm starting to build confidence here now. I'm getting a lot of apologies which is important to acknowledge and for me to accept maturely and to be happy about while gaining more confidence to solve this issue dealing with people.

I guess my own internal feelings of aggravation don't really come out because I like to knock it off. I am totally ready to work hard at it and also experience the good side of things that are out there. It's easy for me to connect with older individuals who have lived interesting lives and know what's going on. I think that's going to help me in the future and to be a better and more capable individual. The stress is always going to be there and just talking about it to solve it is not going to really do much. Just have to take it as suffering and still with intent of loving them and being smart with them. Overall, I think that's being fair and keeping yourself happy and in accordance with staying pleasing to the Lord.

Conclusion of Camp

Today is the final day of camp for me. I've pretty much signed up for learning a lot more about the LAN/WAN industry which is basically setting up computer networks and maintaining them with complicated stuff. They have you get certified, make this nifty resume, and apply for like over 1 Million jobs in the U.S. Demand for network engineers is really high and for many reasons that seem obvious. The internet is one reason because that's what a network really is.

Understanding the theory and applicable stuff is actually pretty fun for me. Even though it can be a challenge, I don't mind putting the hard work into it. It's a pretty lucrative position too. Something that I've felt like I need to be a part of. Maybe this field is a calling for me. What I take out of this camp is some great references who will put in a good word for me and the highest level of certification with a top 10 Fortune 500 company- that is Cisco and Microsoft. Let's see where this takes me because the state of California easily tops out to be the most technological with LAN/WAN jobs. I searched over 20,000 jobs already in the last days and it's still growing by the hundreds daily. I have a chance of getting at least scraped by a company that needs hook ups and promoting certified people with some experience. They say my Computer Science degree could count as about 2-3 years of I.T. experience depending on the employer. I am very excited with the opportunity that is ahead for me.

Right now, I'm on break with a camp. I've studied for about 10 hours a day on average by the end of the week! My brain practically is shutting down in certain parts of the day but I'm loving it. I'm actually applying some speed reading techniques. In addition to a lecture, I really was thinking about something and just want to lay it out. I really want to make a difference in this world. I'm not really in it for the money. I would like to provide a cool venue that people could apply to assist on something. Whether it's something really little or large, I remember sleeping at a conference where the maker of Intel pentium processor Hyper Threading and Larry Wall of Perl came by to talk about stuff. It was pretty awesome just that I was too tired to stay awake and listen the whole time. Life goes on for the average joe. Who just plays video games, feels bad, had a few good pizzas together with roommates while watching football and studies hard up to a certain point, and then gets drilled with hard lessons in life. It's not that bad...I've been just feeling bad from not always performing where I think I could be. What can you do in the end though? It's make better decisions by committing to something that ties everything together. Ever dream of making a choice like that?

I remember this one awesome Jewish author who came by and gave this talk about the end of the world. You know with the Jewish people, this author is a Christian and has been studying a lot of world events and been predicting stuff that actually came true. It's exciting to have heard him talk. I also slept on his testimony too. I was so tired. I hate doing this. Okay, I have to seriously stop sleeping in people's talks. I believe that I have already finally learned to resolve whatever it was that was not making me tick and stay relieved and cool even under personally induced pressure.

This is a post that I'm sneaking. I will try to be mindful of who I am writing it for. Whether it be my future lover, or if it be my curent friends who went crazy, I'm just proud to be a believer of God. I'm having so much fun and I realize that there has to be a God in my life. How he works in my heart and provides me relief in times of trouble. How His Word has always been there to pick me up. The gospel has full strength and great meaning. I just can't explain it too way right now. I can even hardly see my words because I'm writing without looking at the screen. Okay bye. Maybe I'll just pick up my Bible which I left in my car. I'm currently at a camp to get certified for a job. I'm loving it a lot. Maybe a successful journey is ready for me to begin.

Going on break

Today, I suppose that I get a chance to really study hard now. I think God has blessed me with the ability of having reasonable assumptions and to not get so mad that I entirely lose my cap and go into a mental institution. Even if I do get mad, I think I like to believe that people with turning it around any day then there is reward in it. There is no joy in trying to cut off people for the sake of obtaining something selfish because you are just not being any good person then.

I see that it's okay to want to please others to a certain extent and to feel guilty about it for awhile. Then, when the anger kicks in just pray to God and know that some people have the ability to help and to really feel compassionate with you. If you don't see any of them right now in your life, then perhaps I could introduce you to a friend of mine. He lived and died a long time ago and this may sound crazy but he rose from the dead and a myriad of witnesses claimed he went to heaven and performed miracles for the sake of providing eternal salvation. This man's name is Jesus. Jesus claimed to be God and stated that he loved all men that none should perish but have everlasting life, if they would turn from the wicked bondage of a common enemy and cast their eyes in true freedom.

I think I feel safe

I think with all the days that I have numbered on Earth. Just a few minutes out of the day to compose what's on my mind just for myself with nobody really seeing it, but could any time of the day is starting to be sort of a discomfort but also an acceptable thing.

I just don't know what really happened in the past. It's sort of becoming like a blur to me now. I think I just need to concentrate a little better and be ready to open to receiving sound Biblical teaching. It's really amazing how the simple principles are just tied together in one knot, and how the truth can set you to be free and liberated. It does not need to make you feel hurt.

Just a Post

Today, I'm just trying to basically study really hard. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I'm just in the mode of figuring out what I really want for myself and to actually do it. I don't think I really have that big of any problems. Everything is just a big misconception sometimes.

The only thing that really remains a light to me is following a relationship with Jesus. I know it's really hard for me to follow him all the time and to also preach the gospel. I guess I just have my struggles in that area and how I wish to be used by God. I'm totally in this stage where my sexual temptations are starting to get me wondering about getting married to an attractive woman. I don't want to continue living in sin.

I'm going to prioritize and learn to give enough effort. It's very difficult, but I think it's really beneficial and helpful.

Just Random

I'm just writing something random today because I'm trying to keep up with this blog. I just want to write something okay and not really be that offensive. I think it's the Spirit of God that I really want to worship that gives me this personal space of mine to write and not be intrusive to others.

I don't really want to do a lot of bad things, and I don't think I'm really all that bad and crazy underneath. I guess it's okay to be in this learning habit. I think I should be leading myself into studying more of what I'm trying to do. I also like to read the Bible even though I'm not very good at it. I'm just spending a few minutes reading a few chapters a day. This pretty much equates to taking a year to read the whole Bible. Attending a good Bible teaching church has really helped me get nourished spiritually and to see a side of being free from bondage of sin and forgiven through the loving Savior. It's really good for me to study because I get to really learn to cope with what is bugging me. It's such a nice thing to have for myself. It's so humbling and very appealing for me to try to master.

Just Planning

Today, I realize that all these years of trying to get a high by playing video games may have been okay, but not the absolute best journey of finding an eternal path. I think I'm realizing that I would like to let go of playing video games like crazy and become a very disciplined person. While doing this, I would also like to engage in at least mildly good conversations with beautiful people. Anybody who tries to turn their back on me are pretty much not really that well okay, I don't really want to say right now.

I'm going to try to take a this test to see if I could get into a police academy. I hear they are hiring, but I just want to see if they would take me. I just want to see how I rank right now for some specific purpose. I have other plans currently, but right now with the job market, I just want to see if the legal enforcers really want to pursue after me. I don't know if I'll really be joining but it might really be a real confident booster if they find me okay.

Understanding "Me"

I'm starting to notice that memories in the past may not really be all that helpful sometimes. It's great to rely on feelings and the present situation and the fun part is sometimes stirring doubt in others who seem to complain a lot. I'm just really pausing right now and wanting to basically say acceptable things over the internet. It's more of a discipline because I feel like I am more capable of writing seemingly interesting things that would stir laughter in third parties.

I really understand myself and what's best for me. Basically, it's just allowing myself to bear my own emotions whenever I have any natural doubt about something. I don't think there's anything wrong with others not wanting you to be their best friend. That's a really rude thing to impose on. Just going up for balance is so important. My sister seems to point out that my main fault or problem is not being able to talk properly. I really know how I'm supposed to succeed now and how spending so much time wallowing in my own shadows is not really going to be all that great.

It's just important to read the situation really well and to ask like the most comprehensive questions and then to be able to naturally assess the actions of others. People sometimes are faulty in this area and could not be looked upon as that serious. I think it's best to seek for the best advice by praying to God and being patient under His own timing. It is actually a flawless method that is sometimes really hard to understand.

I really don't know...

I don't really need attention right now. I'm just realizing that there is a wealth of information out here. It's just great to understand things that happened. I think by having a good attitude and just wanting to see how things will turn out, it will be all okay in God. Everything does not always seem as it is. It's probably best to avoid some subjects that people are sort of trying to be noisy with. Maybe everyone varies, it's just important to try to get along in having love with others. I don't really know what I'm saying right now. I'm just typing random jargon. I think it's just good to work hard and to be humble. Learning is such a humble thing. I'm starting to see that pride is not required when learning. The most successful people do a humble thing by studying hard.

Jesus Loves You

Sometimes one of the hardest things is living life without reassurance of what you are doing. I believe that by exercising faith in Jesus, it could mean a lot of good things. Jesus said in the Bible that he would send the Holy Spirit to believers who would confess that they are sinners and accept him as their savior. It's a totally simple concept but very hard for people living in the flesh to realize. I really think that Jesus can solve anything, if you truly want to live out in testimony of him. My personal confidence is getting to a level that is consistent, just by wanting to confess my sins daily to him and being able to face it. There's no more need for depression, mental disorders, or angry outbursts. Being able to live to endure temptations and not give into them anymore makes me feel so much more happier. It's all thanks to something underneath me that wants to reach out to God. I know that I continue to fall short daily and that I can't have a perfect walk with Jesus. My heart has truly come to accept Jesus as my true savior, without any need to display personal strength and pride in my ways. If I were to be so prideful about myself, I would be only mocking the true gospel.

Thinking Positive

I realize that I a lot of things are not really supposed to be that difficult to achieve. A lot of it really has to deal with attitude of willingness to go for it and to also work really hard for something. I don't think there's anything wrong with over-preparing on course materials. I realize that I naturally felt stuck in the past from not being able to study properly, but now I understand that it's part of me and I have learned to relax it. I'm pretty much ready to achieve high levels of success. I am really no stranger to success.

Just A Suggestion

It takes a lot of time to understand situations and patience to overcome tough obstacles that seem very difficult. There's really no right or wrong when it comes to having a normal relationship with a person. I think it really does deal with the issue of personal space. We all have our own preferences and need to have a certain level of respect for it. I, myself, have come across as an easy person to voice all concerns with. At a certain moment of time, I unfortunately can really hate them doing it so much with reasons that don't make any sense to me. I think it's within reason to talk to clear out any unreasonable factors with the person. If they just stop talking to you after all these problems they put on you, I think you are home bound to do whatever you want to do them. I suggest limiting the amount of scolding and to do it to a minimal amount and to make them submit under your personal victory.

Only Time Will Tell

I seriously realize the effect that my writing can really have and that people can view things differently. Oh, I understand that people can have the ability to be mad with me and say another thing. This whole issue sometimes can worsen to the maximum thing, but nothing bad would be really happening. I understand that I do have a moral sense of responsibility. I totally forgot a lot about myself, and where I really came from. I don't really need people telling me how to live anymore. I think I've grown up enough to understand so many different points. It really does not matter for me what happened as of this moment. I'm only going to grow stronger because of the faith that I'm putting in Christ. Not the kind who is a wishing well, but I'm just dwelling on the true authenticity who lived a perfect, sacrificial life.

All my pains are made little and like chaff that is blown away. Sure, it's nothing right now and I know that there are bigger pains in life. Maybe, God is setting me up right now for the biggest stage in my life. I'm going to live a good life and a very big one.

Repenting From Bad Urges

A saying goes the mind is a terrible thing to waste. I totally agree because sometimes if things get out of hand, others could not really use their head and rely more on their emotions and do something bad. I think it's just important to sometimes keep yourself busy and allow time to show what really went wrong. It's also important to educate the mind and to be a very hard worker and to face yourself by being completely honest about your desires. These desires can be met, but it's important to have a relationship with Jesus. What does Jesus truly want for us? I don't think the Bible intends to tell us that it's okay for us to be selfish.

Sometimes, you just have to think about the feelings of others. I am starting to realize that it's not all about centering a focus on one individual at a time. Life can move into a greater direction by not worrying so much about insignificant things. I think respecting the personal space of others is really easy, even if confusion takes place and you are not really getting what you want out of them. I should have just clearly expressed all my desires while not being afraid of myself doing harm to others. Moving on will not be that hard for me anymore. I totally have faith that God can provide all my desires and that I should have patience and align my flesh in a path of discipline to avoid myself from falling into sexual sins. I believe that it's naturally for us to have sexual urges and that God intended for us to live them out in marriage presuming that God intended a man and a woman to marry to be faithful to each other.

Winners and Losers

Today, I'm starting to realize that so many chances are still available as part of my right and that I don't need to really be listening to the opinions of the others if I feel that mine is way better. I am starting to understand myself a lot better and am really learning to face myself. I feel comfortable and yet just a little pushed over. I am starting to see that I have always naturally been good at focusing on the attention of others being mad at me over something silly. I guess I am not supposed to really mind or feel bothered by it. There's finally something for me to just appreciate.

What I Am Thinking

I am just writing this blog for myself. I am pretty much adding in stuff that would be helpful for myself. I think when people give me advice, some of it can be laughable already. I guess I have not been wanting to comprehensively face myself, but now that I am doing it, I don't really have that much I am apprehensive over anymore. I know that I am ignorant to many things. Proving things wrong have never been so much easier when things are forced upon you, and you are just trying to communicate your thoughts with reason to a bad crowd. It's just growing through adversity with people who you want to be mad at but want to just focus on being a good person, always.

It's best to just face yourself and be completely natural about something. As long as you are following the guidelines within how the Bible was originally intended for everyone, which means you have to study the Scriptures and meditate upon it daily, and then use it to live your life in accordance to how you and God desire things, it should be okay to react to hostile situations in prayer first.

Fun Day At The LA County Fair

Today, I went to the LA County fair with a very close friend. The admission fee was only like $1. Yes, seriously. Everybody was like, no way, what the heck? My parents also felt like going when I informed them that it was only until this weekend. It was really hot at this time of the year and I do not really feel like going again until at least the weather cools down.

We just walked around and saw some animals and went to visit some stores. I signed up to enter a few drawings to go on a cruise and to Hawaii. The guy who was working asked if I had a girlfriend. I sort of skirted around with the answer. I'm not going to really mention anything more about her at this time.

The drinks and games also became a dollar after 4 P.M. It was cool because I got to win some prizes. It wasn't that big, but it's okay I guess. I had fun playing and also chipping in some money for my buddy who also won a prize. He wanted to trade an item I won for a smaller item that he had. Pretty funny sarcasm. I picked up two stuffed animals- a horse with a piggy-like face and a small fish that looked like Nemo.

Managing Some Anger

I normally don't like to project my emotions in a negative manner. However, I was doing this a lot and I should have just said whatever I wanted to say. I thought by avoiding my angry comments for a long time that they would finally come to their senses. I sort of tried to do it by hiding out with all the e-mails and that no judge or person under oath even when they are so angry for whatever reason could say that my statements were violent.

I don't think the things I said were wrong, but only trying to be an educational person with an intent of becoming a better writer. At least I have a constellation prize with all the madness that has happened for me. I can write a little better and not worry as much in expressing myself fully around friends and literally listening to them in conversation. Sorting out problems or things I don't like with another person is always going to be hectic. I think I realize that people are going to be a little more open with me because of my demeanor, so I have not really lost that much alienation or loneliness. The only reason why I get it is because they are acting so crazy and only a few people seem like this in my life. Overall, just interacting with a good heart even while you are mad about something underneath is pretty fun, and you can expect some handshakes and hugs as a result.

Personal predictions

I predict that in three years a lot of things are going to happen for me. I am starting to realize my potential from having learned to grow up. I have been stuck on a lot of inconsequential things which have just been wasting my time. I think I have to learn to balance myself from these dumb incidences that have occurred for me. I just need to not worry about things that cannot be under my control anymore. The good Lord will seriously do amazing things in my life and is completely protective of me when I'm speculating a lot of pain and distress for myself.

I personally like to humor myself without offending others too much, even though maybe a few would not want to see it my well and really make me become quiet. Maybe I should do some really cool stuff and focus. There really is not much time left for me to just feel like I want to do things and then not see it happen. Life is sometimes painful in that regard for me. I just don't like to accept some things. It's just part of my personality. I am a gamer pretty much.

Today, I'm just chilling with a friend. I totally need to up my tempo with studying. I managed to read five books already in just under five days. That's one book per day while spending about four hours each on average. These books are on computers and are a pretty fast read for me. I guess making a profession out of computing won't be that bad for me after all. I am really motivated to continue pursuing in this direction of becoming a certified tech junkie with a huge company. I think it will open plenty of doors for me.

I am still offended with certain things that happened to me, like we all can be in certain times of our life. It's normal to be human. I just have not spoken up in those incidences where I was offended because I just wanted to try to listen to some distressed individuals' insane requests, even though I would not be able to function by doing them.

Just Writing

I'm starting to figure that it's okay to be uncomfortable about some things in life. You just have to keep moving along and hopefully, the pressure will eventually release itself. It's so difficult to break out of bad habits too. I myself am contending with my old nature daily. I think it's incredible to walk to the other side for better goodness, instead of continuously doing things to hurt yourself. You can't do this on your own. You need spiritual comfort to be able to fully overcome this obstacle and to never look back again. That's where Christ can fit in anyone's picture.

Today, life is good. I think that I have a lot of good people in my life. Sometimes, it's hard to reflect on what life is all about. I guess when you are so deep down nervous inside and then you feel like people are starting to harass you, it's a really hard thing to stay calm inside. Hmm, no wonder they think you would need to get some professional help. They pretty much would rather focus on providing very bad advice.

I also realize that you don't have all the time in the world. You need to prioritize. Some people are about money. I don't think these people are really doing something that's all that great. Some people are all about themselves. I don't think being selfish and closed off from the world gives you a meaningful life. I think just spending even at least 5 minutes a day on something, could equate to a year. The power of consistency in the time you give into something is so vital and should be a discipline.

Just imagine sleeping in about 8 hours. That only leaves 16 hours to get your stuff in. People who are overly invested could spend like 12 hours on something. That only leaves like 4 hours to do stuff. Hmm, being overly patient and super-slow could be a burden in some cases. It's best to have great concentration and focus. Having some truly close friends to spend time with is very meaningful and vital.

Today, I'm starting to realize that having personal complaints about insignificant things is not really going to take you anywhere. It's best to take heart about any area of discomfort and to live with what you think would be great to go your way. It's probably best not to really involve yourself with some people in certain areas of your life.

The heart is a wicked and deceitful thing. Yes, I know how bad of a person I can be and how my sins are really evil and make me fall apart. I want to continuously remind myself that it's about relying on God for all my needs and that I cannot do it on my own. Sure, I have desires just like anybody else. I want to make myself grow taller, still. Yeesh! I want to make some muscles and get some money to live pretty comfortably. Having these things in possession is still not enough to get the perfect girl. The perfect girl just loves you for who you are. Just by giving effort, sometimes you just can't expect it to go your way. You just have to learn to let some things go.

It's all thanks to Jesus that I want to give it all I have to be in a loving sensitive manner, even when I'm really frustrated at someone I know and just want to say things all over the place.

Today, I'm just in the mood for reading another book for studying about computers. I have been failing to manage my time properly. I have played this Star Wars game for a long time.

Over the last couple months, I totally understand what my problem was and that there's nothing I could do about it to change how others want to think about me. However, I'm feeling really angry inside and want to do something about it. I just want to give a full expression of myself to state what I need to say. I totally believe in expressing love in a sensitive manner, even while I'm in this pain. I just totally want to get rid of it right now. I need to be extremely patient right now because people can misunderstand you, no matter how much they say they know you.

Yesterday, I went to the library to study. It's a really cool building and although a lot of grown-ups find it boring to be at just a library, I find it to be a pretty remarkable place. They have some romantic settings over there and a fun area where these statues resembling seals shoot out water at any youngsters who dare challenge its crossfires. The building complex has a lot of really visually cool things made out of computers. They even have this aquarium that features a bambino shark- I recognize the species from having touched it at a feeding pool in a large aquarium. At the top floor, they call it the skyline floor and out of curiosity, the floor was made open to the public. I decided to check it out, as they were playing the original Neverending Story. Not bad to encourage youngsters to read a boook and share a part of the authors' imaginations.

I finally learned to bowl yesterday too at about 18 MPH top speed with a 14 pound ball. It makes a loud popping noise with the pins and something I could feel proud about. I basically did it by mimicking this really huge old-timer's form which just kept on getting strikes.

Man, I'm just so brought low today again. I need to basically repent and focus on something. I have a job that I am trying to apply for right now. I have been waiting for about a month already for this job position, but have not received any calls or mail yet.

I want to work really hard in this world and never give in to anything bad. The problem starts with the person first and then migrates to the situation. I'm going to make a promise to God. I will be the very best that I can be no matter how much I suffer for doing it. I'm pretty good at studying, I should not really have any problems in expressing myself. This is a really hard situation laid out on me.

Sometimes things in life are out there to basically frustrate you. These moments are very difficult to deal with. The Bible says to abide in the father and to love God to the fullest expectations of the Scriptures. I'm working on something that deals specifically with people. I have not done anything wrong, but the people who are against me do not see the wrong that they have done. I guess this is a very typical thing for them to do. In my fullness of anger, I do not want to express myself by writing to them. I don't even want to remotely have anything related to them. I guess it's about not doing anything bad no matter what.

There are some things that I want to reveal to the world. I'm not going to reveal the bad parts of myself to keep that a secret. I know what they are and I am going to work on preventing them so that I don't have to face the bad music anymore, if I ever get in that situation. I am a really sensitive type person who really cares about not offending others. Through this, I'm hoping to get a reasonable truce with everyone in this world. This does not deal with any religious experiences. It's just who I am.

The good parts about me is that I know how to study hard. I know how to be patient under feeling a lot of pressure. I can feel depressed but still have the will to fight on no matter what happens to me. I really hate feeling angry and feeling pain underneath all the time. It's an addiction for me to do something to cope with it, by attacking the problem. The problem I have right now is with some people. It is really frustrating that they don't want to side with my conclusions. Almost everybody has the will to laugh when I put this, the main problem I have right now is with my little sister who just graduated college. She's such a pain and does not want to do things with me or agree with me. It is just so frustrating. She thinks I have an infatuation problem with her...err, that makes me feel really mad that she would comment on me like that. There are so many beautiful people out there...why would I want to lay my eyes on her like that? I still imagine the little ugly girl in her who she was while growing up. I seriously hate the idea of having to yell at my little sister when she constantly talks to me with an attitude problem. All this anger that's running through me makes me want to distance myself from her!

Let's see if this pushes anything. Jean, my sister, does not want to put me on Facebook. She says that she does not care that I called her selfish and that she admits to not wanting to get along with me. She says that I am a very bad brother and that she would press charges if I wrote this about her on my blog.

I don't really care about this post. I'm just trying to see something. I'll take this post off.

Sometimes, the inevitable has to happen no matter how nervous one can get. When this occurs, I think the wise man needs to play a huge role in what he wants to obtain. A lot of perceptions go around all the time and sometimes even with the slightest fluctuations of how a person acts, it can be so misinterpreted.

I think there are some crazy people around me right now, but I'm not going to mention who. I would rather treat them with a good remedy in person.