Crazy Gameplan

I have finally discerned what I really need to carry out my ultimate plan against a bunch of ruthless and socially awkward church people. It is to just continue managing a lot of self-confidence with a positive attitude!  

I struggled a lot with this because I felt like a shorty and was so negative about it for like the longest time. It distracted me from working at relationships I wanted to make amends with. As expected from crazy people, they hung on to their negativity and kept on complaining to me that I should go find some help. I really didn't because I never had problems with violating any court orders if it ever got there. It already happened to me twice, and I didn't even defend myself while submitting to the maximum civil restraining order for three years each time. It wasn't even that difficult to manage since I didn't have anything special going on with them. My relationship status with all of them is most likely to remain this way. 

Because they lost in the end, it just proves that they are crazy to my mind! I'm the one who is still rejoicing and dancing around while those people go on living their personal lives without me. In the first place, they never had anything to deal with whatever their original problem was with me. By pushing this onto them, it's like letting them know that they are hanging onto negativity and not able to back away from it and will show it by standing pat with some simple action. They are the ones complaining about really something that's not supposed to be bothering them in the first place. I don't mind saying all of this in person now. 

After all, these things are all just flowing through my head naturally now. It's just mainly communicating it in an assertive manner, and this can't happen without me staying confident and accepting that they are crazy people to my mind. 

Managing Personal Time Off Hours

It's great that I don't really have to concentrate too long to do some investing, since I'm following a successful newsletter. I'm also making the time to do a trading session regularly in the Forex market at night time. Overall, it doesn't take me that long to be finished with all of it each time, while setting myself up for riding into some profit during a volatile market. 

Once I'm done, I have other endeavors that I could be freed up to work on. This is where I would like to consistently do some exercising, cooking, future planning, and practice good hygiene. If there's any time remaining while not being exhausted then I could watch some anime, play some video games, and even go on some fun dates! 

After all, this can be fully managed from just staying positive and focused at it. I'm starting to feel really good about all this. 

I think eventually I will be heading out to programming meetups and other fun events with open-minded people. It's all about socializing and working on having some fun confidently with others. I'm also interested in dating some girls right now and don't really mind who I end up marrying, as long as she's genuinely a good woman! 

Progress in Side Business

It looks like I may have finally come across my secret formula to make a killing off the Forex market. I still have a bit more testing to do with live trading, and it looks promising while delivering accurate and effective results conveniently. My system uses an oscillator, moving average, and formula for calculating critical price levels. I am able to calculate a reward-risk ratio while looking for confluence in three, different time frames. It could even be something I might automate someday for myself. This is something I plan to be so highly secretive about and consider myself to be blessed with having obtained. It won't be the best out there, but at least it will reliably provide some income on the side.

Investing has become exciting for me and the prospect of becoming wealthy with a lot of time to spare is something I hope to reach soon as possible while risking my hard-earned money moderately. I'm not trying to dream of playing online Poker anymore, since it will take up more time than I would like. I will just leave it as a recreational activity now, while gambling only a minimal amount. 

Understanding Purpose to Most of My Activities

1. For working out, it's mainly to lose ten more pounds and then maintain it while building some muscles. It's just to feel I'm strong enough and look good as well.  

2. and 3.  I'm working at a family-owned business and lucky to have been a part of it for almost five years. Working here is about making money, so I can save and invest myself to a financially independent life. It's going to take awhile, and I don't mind so I might as well do a good job here until I'm no longer officially needed.

4. Cooking is to supplement my life with tasty food that I can get from recipes and to also be able to share it with loved ones or acquaintances. Buying food at restaurants is starting to feel really old for me and from having taken the time to cook home-made meals, they truly are the best when all the ingredients get lined up well. 

5. Everything else is just playing with my imagination whether it's for better or worse sometimes. I can think about a few scenarios at any time where I regret having ever been a part of and feel very uncomfortable about it. There's just really nothing I can do about the past now and have to move on while turning myself into a better person. 

Overall, I should be focused on #1-4 whenever I have the chance to do so, until I feel like I've done enough to go out and have fun or I'm just not in that favorable position yet. 

Understanding Better Things

I guess it's nice to have fun things occupy our heads like favorite TV shows, novels, persons, or activities. They can be great leisure and provide a sense of escape and enjoyment for a rather dull and stressful day. Yet, based on our practical goals, it could be that there might not be enough time to always enjoy doing those fun things. 

From thinking somewhere along those lines, I told myself that there were better things to do than playing online Poker and watching porn. I managed to withhold myself into giving into those things because I realized that I had to do something more important. It didn't limit me from relaxing by watching several anime episodes though. I guess I could hold off on this too and try my best to finish my main goals that have a purpose. 

I think the main key point is to connect with what you are trying to achieve for happiness and then to limit those distractions with being attentive to only the necessary ones.  

Proper Body Workout

I think the proper core workout for me will be doing a few light sets of push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, and then going for a mild run daily. Along with this, I can do the T25 BeachBody workouts and then head over to the gym for a light workout using weights or take a vigorous class. To top it all off, I can do the growing taller stretches which are equivalent to doing yoga exercises to help promote my growth along with going for recovery. 

With all of this in place, I also would need to cook meals. The only drawbacks I have is that I'm not always in the mood and feel tired. I think it's just a matter of pushing yourself to get there which takes time, commitment, and a positive attitude.

Current Investment Strategy

As of this moment, I feel very comfortable with being a moderate risk taker and having a slightly aggressive approach with allocating my investment portfolio. From having worked out the numbers, I am putting half of my money into a more stable portfolio whereas with the other half, I'm going after risking it to get bigger profits! As of this moment, I'm risking so little on my Forex account to gain some stable traction again before sizing my bets properly. I want to get about three consecutive months of live profit before making it my most risky portfolio but also with the greatest profit potential. 

This means that I will be adding my investment capital by at least $10,000 per year based on my salary. The guideline formula to use is 15% of your annual income before taxes. I desire to become a millionaire ASAP. This aggressive strategy of mine is probably the most comfortable I can be with at the moment while paying nominal fees for guidance. However, I'm looking to risk bigger capital with a service that's supported by a legendary stock trader I personally follow. It does have an expensive $1500 to join every year. Based on the refund you can claim back after having analyzed what to expect from the offer, I'm sold on trying it out. I had to read it carefully about three times to look at the fine details and make personal arguments, but it's the right step for me. If I continue to practice proper money management, I don't mind giving it a year or two to see how I like the service. 

I'm not really about gaining fast money and profit, but willing to take my time to get there eventually. Even though my preference is to get there soon as I can, I'm willing to risk at the most half of my investment portfolio. Along with reading up on investment principles, I find that it's not been hard for me to follow while also keeping a cheery disposition even if I see my stocks are underperforming. 

Staying Disciplined

I think that being personally disciplined is pretty weird to grasp. I have a hard time putting it all together and it's fun to keep on trying, but I just plain suck and didn't put enough work into it because it wasn't interesting to me back then.  Nowadays, I'm starting to see the bigger picture along with having this renowned sense of confidence. I feel like a new adult in this world, but I need to just dive into something and stay focused. 

Why not be disciplined with things that you want to do. I guess it's fun to watch cool shows and binge on your favorite junk food, but doing it too often is just too much isn't it? It just leaves room for desiring improvement if you are a normal person. I think the changes just start occurring from being able to stay positive with yourself and then going for it, regardless of the state of mind you are in. It's like you just will yourself to do it while just embracing the amount of effort beforehand. In a way, it's good because it can keep you occupied with something. 

Despite all this, I'm never going to stop hoping to find a good woman to marry someday and possibly start a family. I'm only acting the way I do because I seriously want to and just get lost into some entertainment. I keep on feeling bad about it though because I keep on neglecting my other activities I want to do. Maybe, it's because I want to keep them at bay and go for it when the timing feels right. It could be from working long hours as well, which hinders me from taking on a more active lifestyle then I would like. 

Yet, I can't complain with this cushy position right now and with the income I can save up to invest for my retirement. I want to get rich fast and show some sign of life soon as possible. I know it might not be like this, so I'm willing to put in the effort while keeping a positive inward attitude. 

Just Committing to It

I guess it might feel crazy sometimes and anti-climatic but diving into a daily, active life is probably the way to go. From the investing that's going on, I'm not really spending a lot of time on it from using trusted sources. For my Forex trading, I have yet again made another adjustment to it and it's pretty much going to be like learning as you go. Maybe, I will get around to automating it. 

Right now, I don't think I need to focus on my online graduate classes for now. I'll just let it collect some online dust and get back to it if I'm ever looking for work again. I have a pretty cushy job even though I wish to go off on my own and earn a million dollar salary with a lot of time on my hands. This is why I have chosen to get myself into investing and trading. 

With playing online Poker, it does help pass the time but I think I want to focus on other things and only play it when I'm waiting around at a venue. It can be played on the phone. I don't really care about losing to bad beats or better hands anymore. It's pretty much a form of gambling, so what do I have to expect in the end? I'm playing with real money, so losing will be a teaching tool to not go all in if the opponent is putting in this much money at a certain situation. 

There are some very skilled players though, but I'm not nearly at their level as I would like to think, so as a recreational player I'm trying to always mimic professional players by playing tight with my money and then turning aggressive on decent hands. I'll just walk away from the temptation to turn great because the game feels like rust to me after playing for a while. My ultimate goal is to be a multi-millionaire with a lot of free time on my hands and playing Poker regularly will not be giving me that type of desired life-style from having to commit my time to being at tables.

However, if I end up losing my job and need to take on some odd jobs to scrap by, then I will play this game again. I'm looking to stay an investor for a lifetime and make a living out of it while having so much free time to do whatever like spending time to cook delicious and healthy food while traveling the world to places. It would be even nice to donate a chunk of change to non-profits and get a tax write-off from the inefficient government! 

This weekend is just going to be a lot of planning for me, working out, and trying to cook something. 

Practicing Self-awareness

For me, I don't jump right into giving my own personal feelings but like to give myself some time to let it settle down and reflect on it. Adding on personal confidence of my abilities with a positive attitude towards myself, it's been a life-changing experience for me. I'm not bogged down by what others think about me nor accuse me of. I'm going to say things back in my defense, of course, if I find it worthwhile to do. I think adding on to how I believe some awkward individuals are literally crazy while being jerks to me, it allows me to feel more freedom to back off now. 

I'm feeling a lot more relaxed and happier than I was before. I have accepted what my feelings are like with my best lady friend and open to sharing them with her. It's nothing negative at all, unlike comments I exchange texts with a guy who I think would be considered a village idiot! For a guy with a pea-sized brain and inflated personal ego, I don't think he will ever amount to anything he wants to be successful in. I'm still hoping while maybe it's a lost cause now that he will put in a lot more work on developing his mental capacity.

I feel like I'm gaining more information on him with the way he likes to interact with me, and see it as a good warm up with expecting what's to come with that church I eventually walked out on. I'm coming back because I see unbalanced and stored-up negative energy while wanting to restore harmony for my own selfish gain and personal sense of justice. I don't have any qualms about defending myself confidently in court while exposing their nature and inability to solve their own personal problem with me. In the end I won, but it's still the type of victory I don't want to savor from feeling negative and unbalanced energy from the adversaries. I'd like to restore it to a peaceful and working neutrality at the very least. 

I have dealt with people who can become socially awkward with me that can be considered almost abnormal and want to see if I can bring a few of them back to eye level. I have so much personal confidence now that the end result doesn't matter, and the experience I gain from this passionate endeavor of mine will help me out with maintaining a stable and loving relationship in marriage! 

This is a really cool epiphany, but I'm seeing some conflict of interest with this nice lady I'm accustomed to sending these to. I'm going to hold off on it, since the last message went out with a bang and this would change it into another cliffhanger that I don't desire to make her feel at the moment. 

Speaking About Dreams

This is going to be just a bunch of wishful thinking, which is probably foolish to write about anyway. I guess if they happen, then great but if not, I'll still keep myself positive and work hard at finding the solution. My current endeavors with investing is turning out to be very interesting, and I'm looking forward to building a financially independent life as fast as possible.

I would really like to make a million dollar income while having a lot of time to myself someday. I'm not going to be a wasteful spender either. I just need enough to enjoy myself and a good woman by my side. I'm not so hung over appearances anymore, even though I find some bodies hotter than others. I can settle in this area with someone less attractive as long as we're willing to keep on having some great sex! It doesn't have to be all the time either but doing normal couple activity while being out in public like holding hands and kissing at appropriate places would be really neat.  

I think I've matured a lot fairly rapidly from having made social adjustments while clinging on to personal assertiveness and staying confident even through a few, daily rough patches.  

The thing I would like to work on the most right now is being invested more with doing the activities I actually have in mind of doing besides just letting myself get carried away with something else. It's mainly personal entertainment that I'm just moving towards, and I don't really feel bad about the amount of fun I'm having either. It's just that I want to do more with my life and the first step is really making myself financially independent while staying lucky with all other things. 

Holding It Together With Confidence

I think from keeping a positive mindset underneath all the challenges that life brings forth is the way to go! What also helps fuel it a lot is from having come to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. From trying to listen to the Bible and letting myself be willingly opened up to it, it really does give me this sense of serenity. I still don't understand everything that's happening in the Bible, and it's like my 10th follow through on listening to it while driving on the road and sorting through so many personal distractions. I think it's the thought that counts, along with the effort that I'm trying to make daily which is starting to pay off. 

Self-confidence probably really means assertiveness, since it's a state of not letting anything truly bug you to the point of no return. I'm not so bothered by the socially awkward people I dealt with in the past now. I think that's how they were truly acting, which really agitated me and gave me anger issues for a while that I finally learned to surrender. I didn't do anything bad to them either. They were just seeing things from having felt really bothered about trying to help me out. They were just being really immature with me, and it's okay because I can feel content about what I want out of them 24/7 and wherever they are at. I'll even make it up on the go, if I have to resort to it.  

Reflecting with confidence in my personal abilities has been fun to do lately. I really like focusing but not getting myself too carried away. It's really just a matter of continuously trying now. 

Staying Properly Focused

I think the main thing is to just stay positive no matter what happens and keep on trying your best while going with what you have at the moment and continually making adjustments along the way. It's important to have a full connection with what you are looking to do in your life, and I guess that feeds your soul and helps you stay willingly focused. 

Even though I might be tired about doing something, it's sort of like going for a run. I'm not always in the mood for it, but I go do it anyway. It can feel like a drag sometimes while I'm running, but once it's over, it feels quite refreshing and something I'm satisfied with knowing that I'm making it work. 

I think in a way, this is how I need to start treating my long term endeavors for my own success while maintaining a positive mind. I'm not going to see results right away and will have to keep working at it, but I'm convinced with following a source I picked up on. I'm more comfortable about managing my up and down feelings now with investing and staying disciplined. I'm pretty used to it now.  

Overall, Nike has the perfect slogan, "Just do it." I want to. I think personal entertainment needs to come dead last now while focusing on more practical things, since I'm more people-oriented. It's a great thing that spending time on investing won't take me forever. 

Dealing With Being Short

I still feel like crying sometimes when I'm talking to taller friends underneath. I think it just takes some getting used to. From watching anime of tiny and powerful creatures, I can be inspired by fake characters. I shouldn't think of it as much while just being confident. Basically, I shouldn't be bothered by it at all and keep a positive feeling underneath me while acquiring new talents or strengths. 

I don't really have any problems with making fun of my own height now, and I guess I should be really focusing on gaining wealth and paying attention to Scriptures much as I can, regardless of whatever distractions are going on in my head. 

This is why I'm constantly repeating what I'm listening to and not rewinding. It's because I want to not miss anything but recall much as possible. From just playing the same audio Bible, I've gone over it amazingly ten times already in like the last six years. I still don't understand much, and I don't even have a calling to be a pastor, but I feel like being attuned to the Lord's way is the right thing to do. I have an open heart and am not disturbed anymore by the evil things that are described in the Bible. I would rather cling to my faith in Christ first than anything else. 

Newer Update on Work

Honestly, I think I'm really lucky to have this pretty cushy job and the ability to do what's required of me to maintain this position by myself. I could strive for better excellence, and I think I will try new things as requirements strictly require but I'm trying to keep it comfortable for everyone else while sticking to a program that's been a staple to a small company for almost twenty years. What's crazy is how there's still room for development with this program from catching those details. I may have a talent for it from having grown up interested in playing on my computer with all sorts of uniquely designed programs. I was just lucky to be given an opportunity by my own dad.

I'm just another lucky guy who can put in a decent amount of work when I'm fully invested with something. It's nice that I have been put into a position to do a few little things while continuously programming on the computer. I'm pretty approachable as a result and don't mind always doing minor favors to help out a company. It gives me time to refresh my mind while stressing out about a programming problem at work. 

I don't want to do this forever and move out of my parents house while being independently wealthy. I feel like I'm lucky with having found a great source to help me now. I'm also really confident with what my efforts in swing trading the Forex market has led me to. 

I'm a few years away from turning 40 now and have no official girlfriend even though I have two main love interests at the moment. A guy told me recently to not get married and keep on doing what I'm doing. I responded with a "Yeah, it's fun." Looking into it a little more, I don't think I need to rush and really be considering who the right person will be for me and just figure it out in the end.  

Really Excited About My Personal Outlook

I think I've really found the right source to help jumpstart my earnings with making a living and to take charge of my own financially independent life. I'm very optimistic and excited now about seeing a turnaround to my own personal fortune. It's not going to be happening overnight, but at least I believe that I have found good information published by successful investors who are willing to share. I'm going to take this very seriously and ride the wave, since all this hard work to earn a living has left me feeling pretty immune to it. I might as well just do stuff that I'm interested in, while living a quiet and exciting life! 

I'm so used to the downturns of my money not working for me now that it really doesn't bother me and systematically, I'm willing to rebuild again from the bottom. It's just like how stocks work. They rise and fall and you buy and sell and occasionally just take a loss because it's the nature of the business. I'm totally immune to the cycle now because I believe that in the end, I'll be making profit as long as I keep sticking to the right principles. I don't need to experience this 24/7 and that's what investing in stocks and speculating on Forex will offer me.

I'm really looking forward to having a blast for the rest of my life and staying nice to people, even the ones who were so crazy when they thought I was trying to bother them so much. I don't have anything against them anymore, which was basically my need to just keep on venting about how I perceived their poor actions towards me left me infuriated. I'm over it because I accept they are crazy and it's this angry mood I'm able to self-regulate by just accepting the same positive thought of how they are so crazy to me! 

Summarizing My Ambitious Plans

I believe that the core of what I'm just doing in general is about maintaining a nice balance of self-control while getting some nice work done. I'm very interested in investing my money and building my wealth now. I have the resources and don't think it's like the hardest thing in the world to do while requiring some experts who demand fees to keep on working for you! I've found a pretty happy ground, since I can classify myself as a moderate risk taker. I don't mind as well with taking a tiny portion of my savings to gamble like crazy to learn how to make some outrageous profits. It will be possibly at a later date, once I have this comfortably going for me.

I'm comfortable speculating with my personal trading system now in the Forex market and continuing to hone it as well to possibly let it become automated someday. I don't really want to give it away for some fee or encourage others to join in, so I'll just treat it like it's some black art of making money and how only a few will ever gain the ability to be successful at it. Overall, I really like the idea of being this anonymous rich guy who can make enough financial contributions to help out society later on. 

For the meantime, I'm lucky to have this full-time job that's paid salary and is impervious to the pandemic since the government still needs us to work. If I end up losing this job for any reason, then I will start looking to do odd jobs while playing Poker and completing my studies on software engineering. I might even end up doing my grad courses just for fun while attending programming meetups regularly. It sounds like just fun to do and stay motivated while being around good people. I will also look to attend my local gym classes regularly as well. I'm not so worried about my appearance anymore because it's about just maintaining confidence. 

Fixing Up Yesterday Part II

My plans for yesterday were to continue reading up on investing, trade the Forex market, do some growing taller stretches, work out, plan, cook, and then keep on watching anime episodes. I ended up just watching anime episodes and knocking out early! 

Maybe being entertained is the best, so I should save it for last if I can get the chance. It's just that if I don't get a dose of it, then I'm not really regretting it the next day, so I should just exercise some more positivity with getting the other good stuff out of the way first so I will feel much more content with myself the next day and then form a good habit that will make me so happy!

Supposed to be Off the Record

This one was written for a friendly girl I've been messaging monthly. I felt like I've been writing to her a little too frequently. It might come across as like I've been dwelling on it too long. It isn't true because I feel like I'm living different life experiences from enjoying myself often and from going back to reflect on what happened and how I could better myself. I'm throwing in the accusation here with how I'm just annoying them so much and driving them crazy. They are weak-minded about something they did on their own accord and can't man up to it. I'm not blaming them for anything because I don't care and won't ever give up on them. The letter starts from below, and it's an important epiphany for myself. I'm choosing not to message the girl but I feel like this is too much of a work of art to discard right now. It begins and ends with quotation marks, if any readers are interested and I'm inviting them in to be nosy if they want to just for today of course! 

"

I thought you guys were acting so crazy back then and it was driving me so nuts! I labored to get along with you guys and still haven't given up. I blame nothing now for the incident that happened. I will probably go far as thinking it was a minor plot devised by Satan. I believe that the fallout happened because I neglected to do a few crucial actions. I overcame my trial of mainly lacking so much personal confidence. I'm going on a voluntary hiatus [sorry, name blotted] to prepare for a very intense moment of conversing briefly with anyone related to this past life. Thanks for having already apologized on their behalf and admire your humility and graceful approach.

I'm sure it saddened you a little as well with how things turned out. There are still two sides to the story, and it just looks like I kept on being annoying and getting away with stuff. The antics I did deserve only a slap on the wrist and you guys overreacted and kept on turning into a bunch of crazy yellers momentarily! I can accept what I perceive to be silly hotheadedness from you guys and work at doing my own personal magic for my own gain, which is obtaining another step up the ladder and exploring humanity more while trying to figure out my godly desire to encourage others with accepting Christ.

" 

Fixing Up Yesterday

I realize now that I'm laying off of playing online Poker during work nights. It just takes too much of my time to earn a decent living! I prefer to spread out my risk while trading stocks and currency on a long term scale, which means the ups and downs will be on autopilot. As long as I end up with some profit, I can continue to work with this while I do other things worth my time. I had a lot of fun watching this popular anime series about this guy who is shorter than me in real life but is the strongest character in the show! This gets me ideas on how I should start pumping some iron and strutting my stuff while not worrying about being written off as a shorty by the shallow crowd. I'm not really so concerned about it anymore, and what helped me get over it was just developing my personal confidence through hard work and maintaining a positive attitude! 

I ended up binge watching the series a little bit more than I should have while neglecting my main activity of work I had in mind of doing. I will this time put in a little bit of work and then watch the show, while mixing it together this time. If I have the time, then I will start preparing for what to cook and also make preparations for going on a hiking trip for next month to Yosemite National Park. It's operating but they are limiting the amount of visitors and I was fortunate to reserve one of their available spots. We will be playing the lottery in a span of three days to try to hike their most popular one called the Half Dome!  

Pretty Decent Content

I'm writing this post while being 28 days ahead of schedule, so from backtracking, it would make the date July 9th. What's pretty neat is that I don't really need to spend a lot of time, but I have adopted a practice of proofreading these posts. I'm also composing this like an e-mail on my Gmail account which has a scheduler, so that's how I'm able to get away with delivering these posts on time flawlessly everyday. I messed up on one post and fixed it two hours later. It happened on June 12th, if anyone wants to check it out. It's just another regular post for me while journaling the important things that happened for me on just an ordinary day!

Overall, it's pretty cool to see some number of reads on each post that I can't credit myself for. From having looked at my unusual surge of visits today, I noticed there was someone from England who cared to read through this blog 200 times. It could be the same person, since I can't fault them for binge reading cringy material like I do to myself. A couple posts that I saw being read were unbelievably pretty good from the year 2013 and sort of crafty actually. It was all words on how to do something, but I didn't carry it out with any conviction. Looking back, I really should have put the good stuff I wrote into full effect on those minorly crazy people at that church who ended up ticking me off so heavily. The trick is to just talk them through it, and my soul is pretty calmed down now from having recovered a lot of confidence and learning to get over my inferiority complex from feeling like a really short man. 

I have chosen to just take the honest approach but I will add in some craftiness to it as well, much as I need to. It's really just accepting all that happened and working hard to make oneself happy. For myself, I like to be happy from making myself get along with the worst of the bunch, since I can run myself crazy like that. I might as well let them know that they are the worst I haven't had to deal with all my life, right after them! 

Current Plan of Action

I'm practically working about ten hours a day five days a week and pretty happy with the workload I'm given so far. I'd like to make the most of my off hours by just investing, swing trading, cooking, staying healthy, and then having some fun! I do have these unexpired courses for doing software engineering on hold now, and I don't really mind leaving it like that for now. I will complete it when it's necessary. 

I can see myself playing Poker recreationally now whenever I have some down time to try to earn some money. When I'm home though, I think I will just lay off of it to do other things. I guess this is my plan for now and something to set in motion. I feel like I'm starting to understand what it means to start getting practical.  

Understanding How to Manage Time

Yesterday, I realized that from playing Poker, I was getting pretty worn out after playing a couple hours of it. To top it off, I lost about five buy-ins and recovered one of them through profit. It's just the nature of the game, so I'm not worried about it. These ups and downs are going to be fairly common, so I figure why not put something like it on autopilot while I go enjoy my life? 

This is where I figure I can do some savings and then focus on doing whatever that interests me. If for some reason, I lose my day job and can't really sustain myself with my investments, then I will have to get back into playing Poker again while studying my software engineering courses and driving around to earn money doing a few odd jobs. 

I'm just not going to stress playing Poker so much anymore because it really wore me out yesterday and even though I could keep on playing just to pay the bills, I would rather do something else with my time now like go work out and do some cooking. Now, I should be waiting to fulfill my curiosities or desires to be entertained last after I get the more meaningful tasks out of the way daily. I only do have like a few hours in the evening before I completely knock out to recover.  

Dealing With Past Psyche

I think a lot of it is really from learning how to cope with past issues. I felt like my condition wasn't severe enough to warrant a visit to a therapist's office. The self-awareness is really something that probably came from diligence and continuously keeping a positive attitude through it all, while experiencing at least mild success.  It was mainly how I kept on lacking self-confidence and being so negative underneath with just myself and unable to let it go peacefully. 

Now, I realize from having dealt with a lot of crazy people who can't progress much further than I realize for my own potential; the tide has turned from just feeling constantly good about all of it. Nothing is off-limits for me when it comes to discussing anything, except for wasting time at trying to verbally abuse someone. It looks like I don't need to message this one nice girl anymore who was of good help from exercising some humility and assertiveness. I appreciate and am joyfully grateful with her for having been like a messenger sent by God. I'll be honest in my opinion with how I think she would enjoy a little of my company but she's married now so won't be chasing after her anytime soon!

Whatever I do, it's mainly going to deal with personal confidence and how I want to run the show. I do have a short fuse that I keep buried underneath, but from just wanting to be so cool and nice all the time, I just imagine it in my head but end up putting on a show for myself to be proud about later. 

Managing Time Better

I'm practically on a roll right now, and I feel that the best way to do good is focusing on things that are important to you and a definite priority with what you have to do. I guess for a time being then my main priority was really more along the lines of continuously having fun and looking for a smoking hot girl who wants to do it a lot with me after getting married. It must be a typical fantasy for guys in general. I lacked a lot of confidence from just being short in general and feeling so much negative energy about it.

Getting out of this phase took awhile, but I really have the Bible to thank for helping me out here. I think it's associated with the act of trying to listen to my audio Bible while driving and letting my mind go someplace else that I've been continuously improving. Basically, I want to focus more on doing what I think or feel are the necessary and practical things while focusing on the excess fun stuff later if I still have time. My personal opinions are of course subject to change on any given moment.  I can work on just doing what I feel is the bare necessities of living a good life responsibly before unwinding with some fun. 

Keeping Things Practical

I'm going to focus on life with the things that I must do to ensure my well-being now, while exercising humility. I'm a short guy, but I choose to not hate myself at all while staying confident about getting through anything. No matter the hardships, I will try the best I can to keep it alive. 

I like this whole aspect of doing the serious things that I must do first and then carrying out the fun stuff later, if I have time. This has been the very art of working on myself, while chilling with a girl I'm really close to. She shares with me a lot of things going on with her personal life and wow, she gets stressed out at life with just about anything a lot! She will say her excuse is she's a girl, so I'm not going to bring this up to complain, since I still like her a lot for who she is. I don't know, but just maybe, I could end up marrying her and being together for long as we both live. She's not interested in having kids, and I'm totally fine with that. It would be extra mouths to feed anyway and also would be nice to keep a nice flame in our relationship lit.

For another girl who sounds interested in me, she might be the real deal for me also. I think with this girl, whenever she's in a great mood, I just have to be genuinely nice which I think turns her on quite a lot and then it's pretty much having my way with her in the love department. She is a pretty looking thing with a healthy body also and looks very Asian. Both of these girls are light-skinned, and they have their noticeable flaws I would have to work around. I seem to be hanging on okay so far. 

Basic Schedule

I feel really confident of myself these days and with where I want to be headed. Basically, my side business is to do well in investing and trading Forex while speculating. My short gig that I'm putting a little effort into is online Poker. I thought I was going to run away from it, so I guess I'll just call it a recreational activity to try to make money even though I want to call it a minor vice. I have a system in place that seems to be working pretty well now, so I'll see how that goes and if it will help out with the lifestyle I'm looking for in the future.

I'm really going to look into cooking some easy and delicious recipes as well now, while also working out more regularly. I just want to do more smart things now and get to a financially independent life where I can live on my own and even provide enough wealth for a nice marriage. I think I can confidently work at being happy now while staying humble about all of this. I'm looking forward to reaching my goals by working at them. It's going to be pretty fun! 

New Style of Living

It looks like I'm going to work on investing my stock portfolio while trading the Forex and looking to do some simple cooking. I'm going to the store to buy a lot of ingredients now, and don't want them to go to waste so I will just look for quick recipes that taste pretty good! 

For the final things to do, I could play some online Poker or go watch anime. I also do have a mini-Master's to work on as well. In between, I would like to also do some working out and then take a shower right after doing some growing taller stretches. Once the public opens back up, I want to go out to start hanging out with friendly people. I'm not so worried about not finding a girlfriend anymore and will see how that goes. It's just a matter of really trying.

Starting to Make Better Sense

I think what it just comes down to for me is sticking to something to be successful. It can be long, pestering, and very difficult to get somewhere but as long as it's something I'm interested in doing to make a living, it's all there is to it. I'm a much more confident individual now and possibly even nicer in person, but I can be  really funny and annoying to a few crazy acquaintances via mainly text. Back then, I wasn't really equipped to solve issues with those individuals who went crazy with me. I'm not sure I can call them good friends anymore, since I closed with myself off from being really uncomfortable and struggling to find my inner self while becoming more confident.

It gradually just kept on getting better for me, and I realize that there are some really good people out there that I'm happy to have met and formed a wonderful community with in some sense. It's awesome and I'm happy to be there when I get the chance. I had a good time basically and it's stupid. Oh, I was dumb and forgot some things while being crazy. I was just playing around but who cares, it's what it is. So stupid, I just realized it that I was just playing with people and I didn't tell them about it while apologizing. I'm starting to get a better sense of mind and establishing this comfort zone while being a confident and hot short man! 

Making New Progress

With my side business, I have now chosen to just deal with investing in stocks and short-term swing trading the Forex market. It really doesn't take me that long to work on, so this is what I mainly want, which is just having time to do whatever else while being wealthy and not having to worry about working for a paycheck.  It sounds like a nice and humble life for me to work at achieving! 

I believe that I'm blessed to have finally found some resources that make a lot of sense to me and how I'm able to retain the information because of my interest in it. Basically, I'm going to lay off of treating online Poker like a business now because it would mathematically take me too long to make a lot of money from not being that much better than the current competition. I'd like to be confident enough to be able to support a family, while being rich enough to do whatever still like continuing to have fun with the future wife and kids. 

I have come a long way from having lacked confidence and being conflict avoidant. It caused problems with some crazy individuals because I couldn't just back away from whatever personal issue I had with them and close the deal. Now, it's different and I feel very positive and confident to go places and keep on doing fun things. It's awesome that things have felt like they are turning around for the better consistently. 

Proper Time Management

I think the best way that I have it laid out for me right now is to just work first on some things at my side business and then play later with video games and watching anime. It looks like I may have outlived my desire to look at porn, since I prefer having great sex with the future wife a lot more instead!  

Eventually once this coronavirus gets sorted out, I will be looking to go socialize for fun as well. Now that I have a decent feeling of being so short and can live with it from personal dry humor and have the confidence I needed all along, I don't think it really bothers me so much anymore to be around very tall people and make some more nice friends.    

The way I'm adjusting to this discipline of having so much fun is to put some work in first before giving in to having a lot of fun. I guess I should have been much more humble, but instead I was some crazy guy who couldn't do much and just burn himself out a lot of times even though I was probably putting in some valiant effort. Honestly, I think I need to exercise more bodily self-control with self-awareness. The only thing I'd like to really add on now is doing some cooking daily and working out. 

Comparing Personal Goals to Actual Living

I guess there's a huge benefit for me personally in that I have learned to portray myself authentically from writing on here. I literally don't like to swear around people and won't bother to even write it for possibly readers to catch it on here. When I used these asterisks or dashes to cover bad words while expressing myself with angry people, they didn't seem to care and couldn't stop responding back with crazy texts. This is my experience of trying to be funny with them, but they just didn't see the dark, dry humor I was trying to convey with them at the time. I don't think that was really the issue though, but with how I was actually conflict-avoidant and still trying to go at it with them. They were throwing insult-tantrums at me, which really ticked me off a lot. When I would calm down after doing my thing to get back at them, they would say another insult that would get me angry again to repeat the same minor activity to drive them crazy. It was a never-ending cycle.

Things have changed now from having just opened myself up, since a bad and crazy friend has sometimes claimed that I can still say funny things while being this way when we get into altercations via texting! I don't think there's really going to be a fallout anytime soon, but the wise course of action would maybe be not to continue wasting my time trying to convince him that he's crazy even though I usually end up making fun of him and sending him a lot of laughing cartoon pics of myself which he labels to be crazy. It could just be a front I have formed from having adjusted to some of his past responses that infuriated me. 

I've been reading up on investing the stock market and have finally managed to place a few orders. I would like to continue doing this. It looks like quite possibly my style of being less hands-on and letting the market work besides watching it consistently on the computer daily seems to work for me. I don't know how some day traders catch on to this boring activity, but I guess it could be some type of gambling game that they have come to be ignorant about while trying to work hard for their money. 

I believe it's more possible to have this life of having more time on my hands while being rich, and I think I've found the right source for myself. Perhaps, I could let go of online Poker for good eventually besides grinding while using my tested system to build a bankroll. I could just read up on doing stocks while investing occasionally and then call it a day with my side business after completing my short-term swing trading on the spot Forex market. I will look to even automate this portion as well someday, assuming everything keeps on going well. 

Putting it together for my business, I should be working on trading stocks first and then can finish it off while trading in the Forex market. Lastly, I can then play online Poker recreationally!   

Interesting Event

As I'm writing this, I'm planning for the 4th of July weekend and I was invited out by a lady I went out with last year. She's quite an attractive person and we're friends. I'm open to seeing how it goes between us since we're the same age and both still single. Basically, I've learned to be patient with how things arise and stay open to any development in a relationship. I would love to enjoy a wonderful sex life, but I prefer right now to enjoy building up a loving relationship to get to that point. I want to bring on a lot of love-making pleasure to the lady like full-time I choose to be with for the rest of my life! 

I want to really focus more on just having fun and being happy with someone now. I'm totally okay with being friendzoned too. I don't think a friend zone really exists though. You are either into each other or not and if it's a one-sided love interest then it's what it really is and how you should be focused on her happiness first and then yours as well from being in love, which would mean possibly moving on to find another connection while staying open to something happening with the first girl later on. If she ends up finding a decent boyfriend or swings differently then call it a heartbreaker to get over if you haven't found anyone yet. I still see myself as having a chance with them as long as I stay interested while having a good relationship with them, and they aren't in a committed relationship. I'm actually happy for some couples where I had a part in competing for love and even possibly a chance in the mating game with a few ladies. 

Enjoying Side Business

It looks like I've chosen the right side business for myself now which is saving and investing my money. I'm going to call myself a junior, recreational Poker player. It looks like I just want to keep it online while playing this quick format and hoping to build my current bank account from really small to huge someday. It would be quite a feat when that day happens. I'm also patient about it and not looking to ever tilt from exercising discipline and not having to deal with large funds I've earned yet. I have been there though where I have lost so much before a couple times. It's not the end of the world, but it felt that way for me from being so sensitive back then. 

I guess I could look to let watching anime or playing video games be the last thing for me today and now on. If I don't ever get to it because I'm letting myself get occupied, then I can live with it unless I've had too much. This means there's going to be some change of plans in that if I feel burnt out enough then I will give into indulging in those activities while just letting it be something optional and the last thing I do before going to bed. It's just fun for me and that's all, but I do give credit to the Lord for my belief system and spirituality because I wholeheartedly believe in the Bible for every word it says. 

Making Better Use Out of Having Fun

I'm starting to realize that watching or paying attention to fun things can actually have proper meaning and its good place in a person's life. It sure is luxury if one can afford it, but I also think that if it's done too much then there's going to be imbalance and cause some depressing issues to worry about later. 

I don't know how my friends are unable to motivate themselves to become better. I believe that they do but just burn out or don't bother trying anymore for whatever reason. For myself, I feel this competitive drive within myself to improve daily. It just feels good to get something hard done, and it probably shows because I naturally solve figurative puzzles everyday for my work as a software developer. 

I guess it's just a matter of dedicating oneself reasonably before slacking off again and then making plans on how to bounce back. Life can be really so fun and in a way, I realize that I might not have it so bad after all. Despite me being short and my appearances not being the most attractive, I think if you can maintain this still confidence underneath then that's all you really need to not worry about the outer stuff so much. It doesn't even matter how others think or feel about you in that area anymore.

Even though I feel happy pretty much to stay confident with who I am and not so conflict-avoidant anymore, I guess my mind really needed a lot of toughening up for me to find some room for personal happiness and growth. I feel really good about my chances I have with a couple ladies I'm lucky enough to know to be relatively single. Yeah, they are also pretty attractive too and I'm not judging it so much because it looks like I can take their looks for granted sometimes. I'd rather focus on the good inner qualities these ladies possess now. 

Better Positively in Tune

I really think the Bible is like an awesome pastime to keep on listening to while commuting. I try my best to pay attention to it even though the wording is hard to discern sometimes and is easy to fill my mind with other entertaining or distracting thoughts. I don't really find myself dabbling with negativity for so long though. I'm still sticking out my middle finger at nothing when I'm feeling randomly stressed from anything on the road. I'm not really a fan of this emotion that feels like you are stuck in one place and can't be flexible enough. I guess driving does get old after being such a common thing to do daily while gassing a muscle car that needs to be tweaked or traded in for a better one! I hide my middle finger from drivers who are close and pretend that I'm not looking at them, but I don't have any specific complaint against them. It's just me being crazy there. I guess I can still force myself not to give into any road rage if I really had to. After all, my personal battles with the past and having an unresolved grudge on them was solved from just labeling them to be crazy and fully convinced they are.

Moving onto something more personal with daily life, I'm going to try to dedicate myself more to playing on my Switch and watching anime last. I'm finding my side business activities to be interesting for me. I would like to work my way to getting in the gym and going around to the local aquatic center, so I'll just do an easy set of push-ups, sit-ups, and pull ups daily while looking to build it from there. There's no need to stress out about my appearance, since I'm interested in doing this just for fun and have come to accept my short height. I don't think I'm that ugly to begin with and feeling grateful over it.  

Not Minding Things so Much From the Past

It looks like I'm truly over my usual triggers that kept on bugging me from the past. What really has helped a lot for me is just laughing my butt off at things and consistently labeling everything or everyone else who angers me to be crazy. It truly has worked out for me! I can't say much how it happens for anyone else because I see having had to deal with myself as a handful. I didn't even go for proper therapy because I couldn't tell what I needed to go in for, no matter what others told me. I was able to behave properly when I had to or desired to no matter how crazy and bothersome my world felt. I actually think it's pretty funny now with others telling me I had to go get help in the past. I was more angered by it in the past when they told me that and would start behaving with them in an active manner messaging them as well from being nice as I can and holding things back which ended up freaking them out! Yeah, they were really crazy with me and there's really nothing more that needs to be added to it.

It's the past and I've grown out of it while content with myself again, but getting inspiration from reading a few devotions based off the Bible put me in the right direction that I desired to put myself. It's pretty nice to have to have overcome this trial. I'm a more improved and better focused while confident and happier short man now! This whole time, it was related to my strong and unresolved feelings. I was trying to repress it and trying to have fun while feeling like I was struggling. I wasn't actually depressed by it.  Nowadays, it's so crazy being full-on straight and how I can also understand ladies from their perspective as well, but still I love staying nice to them, even all the crazy ones I've ever come across!  

Working at Staying Focused

I think my main personal barrier just deals with how I'm feeling at the moment with my brain activity. It could be something random that happened or being some entertaining flow that I'm distracted by. Well, it is fun to be in this state of mind as well and is something to go back to on a daily basis if possible. I guess I'm normal in that I'm not all about just work and no play. It's really disheartening and won't give me room to enjoy my personal life and building key relationships.

Finding out what I'm interested in and the amount I'm willing to put in the work has finally found its balance for me. It took a long time, but mainly it's just going with it even when I'm not feeling well about it. This is pretty much the Black Mamba mentality that the late Kobe Bryant liked to describe in some of his interviews. I do respect this form of discipline, so not sure if he'd be a good fit for being my role model but I am truly inspired by what he accomplished in his NBA career. 

Overall, I think there really needs to be talent with something that you feel good about doing while potentially being rewarding monetarily. If it's unethical then shame on you guys! It's really all about finding the right intent that doesn't bug the wrong people ( can take awhile to figure out) and being happy about it.

Aiming for Better Progression

It looks like I keep on neglecting one more thing, which is working on doing stocks. Last night, I had my mind set on doing it but I just wanted to relax and release some build up in a form that's related to minor stress and boredom. From being aware of this and just going at it still, I have gained some tolerance to be able to maintain a good level of focus for maybe a few minutes at a time before breaking away from concentration. It becomes even more difficult for me when I'm driving home while trying to listen to the Bible!

Well, here I am trying to get back at it again. I really would like to work on doing stocks now. I guess because it still feels a bit foreign to me, I'm putting off on taking a risk with it. I really do feel that I have acquired some valuable material that really works to maintain some form of stability while working at developing income from trading currency and playing online Poker. 

I am on my second week of being consistent with doing growing taller stretches which is good before heading to sleep. I would like to factor in working out which hasn't been motivating since I'm looking to take cycling and yoga classes at my local gym and then piling it up to give myself a workout session with doing weights. I think with weight training, I should be going four times a week to work on my lower and upper body interchangeably each day. I do have a swimming membership too, which is nice at a local aquatic center. They also have a small waterpark and I happen to live close to another so maybe I should just go by myself to unwind while giving myself motivation to improve my body. Maybe it will make it more fun to make friends with girls and try to invite out the single and decent looking ones! I'm open to trying to form a dating relationship among good looking and nice single friends. I want to go out now and have fun while working on acting like a natural with being self-confident around everyone.

Spending Time on Weekend

I basically spent my time playing a couple of my main video games on the Switch and finishing up with watching an anime series. I would really like to focus some more on my side business. Everything else is moving along smoothly since it doesn't take that long to get finished since I've moved towards investing. It's just I'm still rough starting with doing stocks. On the other hand, with doing currency and online Poker, I have been at both of them for awhile so the transition into playing with real money now hasn't been that hard for me and is rather a relief in how I'm going about it! 

I'm still a little uncomfortable with doing stocks and have been taking my time to gather all the details I need together. Yet, I feel like I'm moving in a good direction with the right support. Stocks are going to take up most of my capital and I'm looking to be moderately risky with it. I'm already playing at a pretty decent level that I'm comfortable with on trading currency and playing Poker so that's two of my three things out of the way. 

I have also managed with doing my growing taller stretches, just to help out with my posture at work. I was noticing that I was slouching and didn't want some bad habits to keep continuing from getting too comfortable and paying for it later on. Now, I just need to add in some gym time and cooking to my daily personal repertoire and then I should be feeling fulfilled as my own person! 

Working Through Normal Days

Because of the setback from the coronavirus, I haven't been able to get myself out that much. I do have an outgoing friend who already went camping and is now doing a roadtrip for a few weeks. Lucky her that she can afford those luxuries and spend it with her husband and close ties who are available. She is a very sweet lady and was really interested in me before getting married, just that I wasn't responding that well to her charm all this time. I think she's average in terms of attractiveness which isn't that bad either. I think if I willed myself to keep on connecting with her and experienced deep love while being comfortable in my current situation, then things would have turned out different.

What's a practical woman who is into love really got to do, if her love interest isn't reciprocating it that well. There are a lot of factors in that mainly I don't have enough confidence, and how she's a different ethnicity and my parents are going to be against it right off the bat. It sucks to have parents who are like that. Yet, the two ladies I have a chance with the most right now are Asian, but not my ethnicity! They can sort of look the part if they spoke my parent's language well and knew the customs, but it won't be likely because it makes sense to not really put that much time doing so. 

I think if I became a millionaire philanthropist and stayed in this country then I don't think my happiness will be compromised at all. Even if I were to go visit my parent's mainland again, I don't think strangers are going to be mean towards me initially at face value. I'm practically another anonymous person in this world, and I'm very comfortable with it staying like that.  

Justifying Hard Work

I must have a lot going on in my mind today because I feel like writing down something important for myself. I think the reason behind putting in a lot of effort is to feel that satisfaction of having completed it with good results. If it doesn't happen then it can be really discouraging to continue doing so, but with my mentality I feel like just trying again over and over until I get it right. 

The satisfying feeling is worth the payout of having taken a long time to get there, especially if it's something you connect very well with and have this desire. I'm now understanding what my ideals of hard work are really related to and it's something that's very positive and even addictive to a point of driving oneself to be successful at anything.

The main thing for myself is to just keep on focusing. It's quite funny in dealing with a popular post I wrote about how someone commented with how I wasted his or her time because they expected something helpful and didn't get it in return. Well, for now I have something that's very useful for me to go back to whenever I would like to remind myself. 

New Thing to Develop

I think gradually I want to work hard at gaining consistency with being durable at handling any form of stress while maintaining a positive attitude. The best way to go about it is to just keep on trying over and over again, no matter how many times you fail. This is my attitude these days and so to apply it with what I have going, I'm looking to complete my side business, work out, cook, plan, and then play if I have any time remaining. Some days I will of course look to play first and then work depending on my mood. 

For the most part, it would be nice to work at finishing what I tasked myself to and have patience while staying positive from being so stressed out sometimes. The only way is to just realize all of this and keep on trying. I guess from having this blog and writing about it, I'm not so worried about embarrassing myself anymore. I have just accepted how things are going better with myself and capable of laughing about it while openly giving myself to keep on improving. 

Figuring Out Myself

It looks like I'm trying my best to stay focused and work hard at obtaining something but I just let myself naturally wander off into other things now. Thinking about it, I'm just recalling everything that made me happy or upset, no matter how small or great. It's quite peculiar because it's something that's just going on with my own brain chemistry at that moment of time. I'm realizing that I'm doing this a lot when I'm trying to listen to the Bible while driving around.

Thinking about it, it's probably because I don't understand the Bible that well and want to while listening to a format that isn't common English I'm accustomed to. It's like I have put in some effort to gather the details. I'm just naturally trying to listen to the words now and digest it fast as I can with the whole. I'm going after trying to do something impossible and this is going to be like my 10th attempt with going through the whole Bible.  I'm already aware of some common stories I grew up with, but it's just trying to gather other details while also analyzing my personal faith. It makes sense for me to stay a believer after all! I'm also thinking about the gripes I have with another past church I used to attend. It was definitely a mistake to have associated with them, but what can you do? I want to now just test how much of a people-person I really am while visiting them for some time.  

I think overall it's just gaining this personal stability and it looks like the Lord does recognize our unique strengths or talents in the Bible. It's when we are weak and when we least expect it that the Lord wants to make Himself shine brighter than any star and pour His love onto us! 

Getting Back In Order

It looks like my trading with currency is doing just fine right now. I still have yet to set up my stock portfolio, which I will be completing. I ended up finishing up an anime series last night and disregarded my discipline. It just got too good for me so I had to finish the remaining episodes on it. 

I ended up doing my growing taller stretches after binge watching four anime episodes and while in my boxers I fell into a deep sleep for the whole night on the carpet of my room. I was exhausted and unable to push myself to finish up on taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I did however move pretty efficiently in the morning. I woke up and did those things to catch up in a shorter amount of time than my average. 

I'm finding that all I really need to do is drink tea or coffee if I want to stay awake longer, but I don't want to risk it late at night because I have to get to work by 6 am the next day. Maybe on Friday and Saturday nights, I won't have a problem with doing that then to splurge. 

Launching Off Side Business

Basically the motto of my side business is proper money management and self-control. It's so important to tough it out when things are a little rough and to keep on trying your best to focus on making money! The business you choose to be in also has to be something you have come to terms with and aligns with your personal ideals. It took me awhile but I figure that what I'm doing really makes sense for my own personality. I think I am pretty unique now despite having started out crazy like the rest of them! 

I'm really satisfied with what I want to work hard to achieve now. Making enough money from being employed is just from being lucky, so might as well stay nice and hard-working to the owners and co-workers until your time to leave them is set in motion! The workers who aren't known for being that nice and causing frustrations or annoyances are just plain crazy like my boss. I will be happy to leave him someday. There's more motivation for me to do well but mainly because I think this is fun and will bring me a lot of happiness and wiggle room to relax in the end while doing more meaningful things with my time. 

Dealing With Negative Emotions

I think pretty much the negativity within me could be built up from being around others who make comments that don't feel really good to be aware of. In a sense, this is really a crazy state of mind to be in! I believe this is the case with others while I was bothering them while sounding so silly. It's just the impression that you give off to them which could end up scaring them, regardless of what you are saying or doing. My verbal attacks thrown at them were always minor but it still drove them nuts in a short amount of time. I wasn't controlling my anger that well and being a little reckless about sending them crazy messages that didn't flow well with them just to give myself one-sided and highly selfish laughs. They basically freaked out and thought the mature thing to do was quietly shutting down my fun, since they were concerned about confronting me head on. When I approached them, they ended up becoming ballistic because they didn't want to talk about it. 

Next time in this instance, I have a reason to continue with coming across as a jerk to them by calling them crazy and explaining it in words and just talking about the consequences of how they won't really solve anything by continuing to be that way. It's basically just to test myself to see how much of a people person I really am and can get along with these people who just had it with me. It's over not a really big matter that doesn't originate from something that deals with them too. I might as well just talk about the origin with them and let others overhear it and judge for themselves. In the end, I believe it's going to be their loss for every negativity that they continue holding on to and from not being able to expand a bit out of their comfort zone. 

With all else, it's clinging on to strong effort from every part of my mind, body, and soul while tapping into the Lord's knowledge and connecting with personal experience much as possible. I think it's safe to say that I don't have problems with being a brave soul in this area and risking the destruction of my own public image. Basically, my main trick is to continue thinking they are crazy because I just don't have the ability to lose it with those types and feeling bad for them while getting the work done I feel is necessary with them. I have a deep conviction and want to always confirm how this connects to my faith in the Lord. 

Overall, I'm ready but what's really holding me back is that I have to fulfill a couple oaths that are tied to my personal goals first. This shouldn't be really no surprise but I'm committed to fulfilling them! After all, I don't think I'll send this post to someone I had in mind of despite it potentially being a powerfully scary write-up. 

Things to do Today

It's pretty cool in that I'm about setting up a happy routine and hopefully someday, I'll be able to experience a life of freedom with plenty of money at my hands to give freely to the world for making it a better place! Yeah, I'm pretty weird in that I don't mind giving back, but I will be careful about who I give it to. I don't believe in giving out free handouts to people and how you have to face the fiery trial to earn something that you are seeking. 

I don't even want to work for people who have a lot of money too. I guess some people are different with their own interests, and I happened to have just come out this way. I want to enjoy a lot of personal time having fun along with the right partner now. I don't mind if I stay just friends with the lady I fall in love with, but it looks like it could be that way right now with my best friend. She's not able to do a lot of things because of her health issues and stress management, but I really like her as a person still. We have plenty of good communication, while I have no problems staying courteous with her while throwing in a joke or two. For example, I plan to give her a nice hug and lift her up while twisting my body a little for fun. I'll tell her that I haven't seen her in so long and it's good to see her. I just want to try out this move for fun on a girl smaller than me. Overall, I seem to be doing fine with the two main ladies I have a chance with so far. I realize that they can feel very attractive, but it's not about the appearance for me anymore. It's about just being able to fall in love with each other and being happy while accepting each other's flaws.    

Pulling Through Yesterday

I ended up getting tired and could have kept myself awake longer by drinking some caffeinated tea or cup of coffee but I decided against it. I ended up playing by watching a few anime episodes. For my list of tasks, I ended up playing some more online Poker, doing some stretches, and getting my shower in. 

The growing taller stretches are working out quite nicely for me in that it's really helping to straighten out my back after a long day of sitting at the office in front of my computer. I'm doing it more for health benefits now with the possible growth that could be added as a bonus. Basically, it's killing two birds in one stone and is pretty smart while I'm sure not a lot of people have ever pondered about it!

This time I would like to lay off of the Poker action and work on getting my trades in now and watching an anime episode here and there in between. I still do have to work on running a few more calculations to ensure I wager the right amount that I'm looking to invest. 

What's pretty cool is that these side businesses are something I could get a lot of significant reward back from putting in maybe two hours a day at most. This is the ideal life of being an independent and wealthy professional!  On top of that, I'm looking to take some cycling, yoga, and weight training classes at the local UFC gym. The gym has opened back up now after the Covid-19 pandemic. Lastly, I would like to also start cooking. Overall, it looks like my to-do list is starting to get really comprehensive and focused for me. 

Motivation for Side Business

My side business that I have chosen to go into is investing and playing online Poker cash table games. I'm not putting all my money into something and only spending what I could afford to lose, so in a way I'm taking a gamble and don't mind whatever happens because I'm comfortable with trying hard to do well for myself. As long as I can manage my finances right now and pay off some bills, I have a comfortable amount for myself to work with right now. We will see how well I end up doing for myself, now that I'm ready.

I basically just want to have a lot of free time to myself and plenty of money to acquire a nice home with a pool and then not having to go into any office while owning a couple decent cars for traveling places in the world with someone good like my best lady friend. I guess I can call her my best friend right now, since she's cool with me and likes to call me and talk about whatever is bugging her sometimes!  We're travel buddies too and I guess we're seeing each other at an unofficial level. There's no status between us and I have left it wide open without attempting to chase after my best friend. Yet, I do love her dearly though and care about her happiness.  

I can see myself chasing after the right lady for myself and doing it wisely without projecting my wealth onto her. I have had enough hardships to appreciate the values of saving and working hard at something while staying disciplined to get somewhere. My mind is pretty satisfied these days and getting married to a fine lady will be like adding icing to the cake! 

When I look at it, my time is running out with the thought of having kids because I don't want to be too old. Maybe with my own partner, I could settle with adopting kids or get a couple cute pets to take care of. There's so much fun I could imagine myself doing with the extra time and money, since I don't hold grudges with anyone. It's mainly about just putting in the hard work and having a positive mindset while knowing this is what you are looking for in life.

Moving Forward

I guess I'm just going to write on here about how I'm progressing now with putting in actual money for trading stocks and currency in the Forex market. I've been practicing trading the Forex market for awhile now, and it's something I'm comfortable with now. I'm putting in $1000 to start out and so it's not too bad on my savings if I end up losing it all. 

Along with Internet Poker, I'm putting in roughly $100 and trading it with bitcoins legally. It's pretty cool in a sense because the withdrawal is fast and free for the site that is offering it. It's also a unique way of working with getting paid any profit I make without the hassle of having to get it cleared at the bank. 

Lastly, I have put in $1900 to start out right now with doing stocks. I'm also going to diversify another $3100 once I get the core portfolio that I want set up. It looks like I'm now going in motion, while pretty comfortable with wagering this amount. Underneath my psyche, I'm happy and feeling confident about doing really well for myself. My goal is to be a millionaire by the end of this year, and I know I'm going to fail but it doesn't matter to me. I will still hold myself to high standards with good moral conduct. 

Overall, it looks like my starting capital is going to be $6100 for my side business. I'm excited about doing this and working towards securing a financially independent future. I am also a moderate risk taker and very comfortable with it. For now, this is my comfort level but who knows it could change to being more careful later on if I end up doing well for myself. I'm okay with contributing this much compared to my current salary and if this model I'm following ends up working out then I'm going to be putting in much as I can. 

I totally enjoy just letting it run and going with the ups and downs while in the end settling for a nice averaged out and good profit. This is how investors trade, but I am also a swing trader and Poker player with my own system now. 

Motivation for Posting

What's pretty insane is that my writing is in a way, its own work of art. It will never be the same if I was to try to write the same thing over again. I find myself going back to read some of my posts that ended up becoming a little popular with the readers. I do have a tracker of how many reads I get per post, and it's like my own mission to get huge read counts. I don't really seem to be bothered anymore to not get comments from anyone. 

I think what ended up happening is that I gained a lot of confidence while being sure of myself. When I answer questions on Quora, I make sure that I pick something that I'm comfortable with having some decent knowledge or experience in. I try to be very honest about it and my topic is on programming or how to begin in Computer Science so opinions can vary, and I'm already doing pretty well being a developer myself now, so it's like I write the best answers for mainly myself but I am attracting a following of readers every once in awhile. It's pretty cool to have someone in the world interested in what I have to say about a topic. I'm not changing my honest approach up, while trying to add in a bit of intellectual and hidden humor. 

My lengthy posts can be entertaining for me personally, and I don't know if there's really people out there who can see perfectly eye to eye with me on anything I write because I can be shaky about it with myself. It's just practice I guess in communication and is pretty fun to contribute something like I'm trying to give back after all the struggles I've been through!

Update for Yesterday

I did manage to finally sign up for doing some serious stocks and then watched a few outrageously funny anime episodes. I took a shower and don't remember if I brushed my teeth or not and then laid down. Whenever I'm sleepy and I lay down, I just have to remember now that I'm not getting back up. This just means that I'm going to have to just push myself to finish up whatever I have in mind.

The attitude is definitely important and having a positive mind is the best! There's no need to think all pushy with oneself and make it even harder to continue the next time. Everything went according to plan yesterday, except I just missed out on doing some growing taller stretches. This is something I will need to add on before I go to sleep. 

Maintaining Positive Attitude

It's become a lot easier for me to hang in there from having accepted things in the past and not being angry about them anymore. Even with new things that come up or unwanted reminders of the past, I'm still able to accept all of it lately. This makes it so much easier to focus on staying positive and on tasks that I wish to complete. I don't feel so burdened by it anymore, even if I'm just another short guy.

In other words, I'm capable of studying anything I'm interested in without ever feeling disheartened about not getting it. It's a nice turn of events for me now, and it's just so awesome how powerful having a positive attitude really is.  

Happy 4th of July!!!

I'm writing this post while being ahead by 22 days. It's been a pretty crazy year to experience as a whole since a black man dying from being murdered by a policeman on video has rallied several crowds during this pandemic. Young people must also have a lot of time on their hands from not having work to do things like this. 

I guess now that's done and over with, so moving on to bigger things. From a personal level, this Covid-19 scare really concerned me from having regular headaches while living at home. I ended up getting myself tested and the results turned out to be negative so I'm totally fine and have a better understanding of my symptoms with getting these migraines now. I feel more assured now to start getting more lively with a few trusted friends I dearly regard as venues are starting to open back up. 

I'm looking to plan a fun year with my friend who I care the most about, along with going after getting rich by the end of this year. I'm pretty serious about it too and will make a valiant effort and not back down when I ever need to make a comeback! 

Future Planning

After having figured out what was making me so mad and how to get rid of it, I feel a lot more sure of myself. It's crazy how just feeling and accepting that others are also crazy for anything negative I feel with them, the anger ends up being driven away. It's my personal secret that I'm sharing with any reader who has managed to read this post.  

I feel a lot more confident and happier to go on with living my life. This anger was actually bugging me for almost ten years, and it finally came around to see its resolution. I'm so lucky to have a taste of personal victory! I feel like I'm armed with a secret weapon in dealing with people who I skillfully hide my anger or annoyance from. It's just from thinking to myself that they are crazy, I can get around to getting what I came for with them!  

I have a personal promise with the Lord in visiting that crazy church again once I hit my millionaire mark and get some six pack abs. These are two of my biggest dreams that I'm working on. For becoming a millionaire, the heck with it! I will work hard at becoming one by the end of this year! It doesn't matter that I will fail. I can always review my actions and keep on improving. I don't think my friends will take me that seriously from having said it too many times already, so I'll just keep this to myself. 

I have a goal in place and it's what I'm working at achieving now. I'm not in any rush nor panicking about it. Those people I came across may be weird and crazy to me but I hope they end up improving as a whole. I totally accept that they are crazy already. I'm not playing any active role there but it's going to be fun for me with having more playing cards to use on them at my final go-around with them in the near future.   

Work and Reward System

Since I enjoy having fun or relaxing while letting my mind wander off after focusing on something for awhile, it only makes sense to dedicate myself to hard work until I reach a certain goal and then have fun while I'm satisfied. This model seems to work the best for me. It's like running every Saturday morning 8+ miles under 90 minutes because just completing it is the rewarding and fun aspect! 

From having watched a lot of anime about a lot of ladies at the same time chasing after only one lucky man, my view on relationships with lady friends have loosened up more positively! I'm more lenient about how they view things and behave around me. The fact that I'm friends with them really helps me realize that I'm grateful and appreciative of their company. My conclusion is that I've always had a chance with a couple of my best lady friends. One of them is questionably still single and I've found my opening with her, so I'm comfortable about how she truly is and she doesn't hold back either. 

It's really just how you make it out to be while being a gentleman and showing interest in them I guess. There's really no right or wrong formula- just be your honest self and then don't get too weird or over-confident about them spending time with you. 

Getting Over the Dumb Efforts

Honestly, I was capable of doing a lot of things but there are these hidden reasons. For my best lady friend, she used to work out a lot but then her body just couldn't handle it at a certain point so she was forced to revert back to her starting point. She gets a little stubborn and just puts off on stuff but at least she's really open about telling me things she isn't interested in. I'm not going to be a jerk and keep on pressing it. I'm very open about understanding how she is and I do care about her a great amount, while she likes to hang out with me.  

Yeah, it's really nice to have someone like that in my life to look forward to seeing! I don't think appearances matter so much to me anymore as long as I don't have to be a judge about it and stay comfortable with her. In a group, I don't mind about any color and shape she comes in. I'm just happy to be me and hang out with them. It just doesn't matter to me and is all about socializing while having fun and being nice about it with everyone there. I do struggle a little with being short underneath still and always will but that's my own kryptonite to carry and persevere while having a positive attitude about it with confidence and just snapping out of it whenever it tries to kill me. 

Working Through Adversity

I honestly think I was naturally born for dealing with a great amount of mental adversity. I did get lucky enough to find myself out of great distress a long time ago while going through puberty! It was totally nuts while dealing with my obsession for playing video games and enjoying some perverted actions secretly while staying a true gentleman to all the ladies out there. I even read a book on "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and was labeled as trash by the book store owner when I tried re-selling it to him.

Regardless of whatever outcome is happening, the mind should be positive about all of it and persevere with great effort to get somewhere you want to go in life. Yesterday, I realized that I was watching a highly entertaining anime series and couldn't drop it to do my grown-up activities last night. I did manage to take a shower again before going to sleep and that was only from having a revelation that it felt good and how I could just douse myself with water in the shower when I wake up to save some time while rinsing.

I would like to be able to drop a naturally fun thing for me and work on a difficult and less appealing task that I deem to be worthy of my attention! The trick is to just stay confident and positive about all of it and to keep on persevering. It's going to be never-ending so why set up a crash date? My parents were crazy to emulate because they had this type of model while I was growing up. I was confused from being spoiled with wanting nothing but the best and how they struggled from not being financially successful and unwilling to teach me a method that I would be happy with. This struggle in dealing with crazy parents and people all my life made things take longer for me, but I hold no grudges because I can't stay mad at any of them. 

Regardless of me aging, it's still the same belief system I am adopting in staying confident and positive while persevering to get anywhere I want to go and from realizing that staying glued to watching those fun episodes might have not been the best thing for me. I want to be able to break it off after having fun momentarily and get back to work. It's about managing stress and boredom and all these personal weaknesses of mine without going crazy, so being positive and confident about all of it while persevering is the way to go!   

Motivation for Blogging Here

I feel like this is my open journal I'm sharing the world with. It's also convenient to have something that I can make a feeble attempt at connecting with a reader out there. Sure, I'm Asian and that's about it unless you know my real name. I'm pretty lucky in a sense that from having been mad for awhile, I didn't write anything horrible enough to get in big trouble with the law. The worst I came close to happened outside of this blog from coming across crazy people I'm responsible for annoying in my own innocent way. I didn't do anything too bad to warrant getting in trouble like that. I think they were just going through something more deeper inside of them and didn't really have anything to relate with me, so they ended up getting crazy because they were really upset about something and couldn't accept it at the time. 

The keyword is once again with them just being crazy, and it just ties together the foundation of my education in dealing with people! It's quite interesting in that I'm not really going to benefit anything monetarily off of this. I also feel that there really isn't much positive reinforcement for blogging on this unknown site and how there's better establishments out there, if you wish to acquire different things. The reason why this site works for me is that I can be comfortable with visitors going through it and not even worried about attracting popularity. 

In a sense and to my core belief, I only need to make a difference to one soul at a time to feel satisfied somehow! I'm pretty much the most active for my occupation title of only about 890 at most right now. I could very well be one of the most active on this site as a whole from being able to post one time a day. I guess I'm pretty unique in a sense from enjoying doing this and also being self-motivated. 

Minor Issues to Work On

Yesterday, I felt a little annoyed with myself while driving and going to a drive-thru car wash. I made a couple turns too early and had to do an unwanted U-turn each time. It wasn't the worst thing since I lost only a couple minutes, but I felt a little irritated from wanting to be more efficient. I also ended up forgetting that Father's Day was coming up, so by the time this post rolls around it's going to be way past the date. 

The way I see myself going about it to make myself feel better is praying about it to the Lord and asking that I would become better while letting it be used for serving in His kingdom. It was just a simple prayer and most likely, I will be forgetting about it soon. What was interesting to watch a little while ago is this anime about a dedicated RPG gamer and how he created some NPCs with his friends and then before the game server was about to shut down, he finds himself teleported to an alternate dimension where the game became the real world. His NPCs become alive too and think he is a god for creating them and want to serve him with their whole-hearts devotionally and feel so happy from thinking he didn't abandon them like the rest of his friends did. I just wonder if there's some form of similarity with the God of this real world I believe in! 

The plus side is how I feel more relieved and aware of the things that tick me off and how I'm able to deal with them by just labeling in my head the people who make me feel that way at any time to be crazy! It doesn't affect my relationship-driven approach with them because it's just naturally who I am as a person. I like to be nice and carry a good relationship with just about anyone, no matter how bad they are. If I sense they are evil, dangerous, or a little too kooky, I'm  keeping my distance while being open to things turning out better for the both of us.

Fixing Up Yesterday

So now, I'm realizing the importance of maintaining a positive attitude while being bored doing some work. I am pretty spoiled in a way that I love to have fun at everything I do, before I'm willing to commit it to daily hard work. I was trying to limit the amount of anime episodes to watch and I managed to break out of it after four episodes to go take a shower and brush my teeth while getting ready for bed. I figured that I wanted to get started on creating my accounts for doing stocks, but then I ended up watching another episode to put it off. I was really sleepy by this time and voluntarily went to sleep. I actually felt good about it since I washed up and felt satisfied with it. I'm going to repeat this thing in taking a shower before I go to sleep. 

What made me successful in carrying it out was understanding that I was going to get sleepy really soon so I decided to prep up for bed. After I had that done, I felt energized again so felt I could put off my hard task of setting up my side business and decided to watch an additional fun episode before starting but then I became exhausted and couldn't pay attention to it. I didn't feel like I was watching anything fun because I was so drowsy, so I think I could easily put it off for today to focus on this important step now.