Releasing Fear And Anger

One of the most debilitating combos for any individual is feeling really afraid of something and also angry at the same time. I had this happening to me when a stupid brat put a restraining order on me. He ended up letting me approach him while he was smiling at a bowling alley. Years pass by and I wanted to punch the heck out of that guy but I had to restrain myself. I wanted to smash into him while we were driving go-karts at a social event that he went along with an ex who was cool with me at the time. She felt touched when I said that I thought she looked good, and man, I didn't know she had those type of self-image issues. Anyways, I couldn't help it and wanted to release all of this tension by setting his porch on fire by leaving some dog poop so that he would have to clean it up with his hose. I didn't communicate right with his ex to get where he lives and she became really afraid of me and so that's my first girl who became super afraid of me. It would have been hard to pull it off, but with my motivation I would have with no witnesses!

I didn't know she was actually an attractive friend at the time, so oh well, it's my loss but she has mental learning issues so I was put off by that too. Next thing, crazy Lee who I want to call psycho-mom even though I know she isn't so let's not go any further. Crazy Lee was dumb obviously because she said she had nothing against me and acted nothing like it and went ballistic crazy with me over trivial issues that I don't really care about. I didn't stalk her but she put a restraining order on me, so she's more than crazy- she's a bad word to some people I won't mention on here to be decent but I think people know what I'm alluding to. I think Crazy Lee and what she is and writing about it is doing enough justice.

From these errors that people made with me and my failure as a citizen to set these crazy people straight, I was so scared and angry at them that I released my tension somehow by making the dude's ex really afraid of me and blowing up in proportion the image of a pastor. The pastor is like he hates me and wants everybody to not take him seriously. I think this is why that church has to be cool about me going there now to try to make up some grounds and so a lot of people there have been walking away from this silly fight I have put up. However, I'm impressed because there is a guy who stuck with it and the credit really belongs to me sort of because I put in the right intensity to get to him. Third time is a charm and it feels good to do a favor for him in letting go of the beef I have with him.

Studying To Gain Satisfaction

It looks like life is pretty crazy in that there are many things a person can struggle or be naturally good at to live. It's unfortunate some individuals have really short life-spans or never really had the chance to experience life in its excessiveness. What's great about Christian theology is that it's all about God who knows and understands all these things in the greatest details. Matthew 10:30 says that God can even count the number of hairs on our head. We all obviously can count for someone who is completely bald or even Homer Simpson's. It's phenomenal how the show Simpsons have been running so long and have invaded our possible selections for personal entertainment and this is what the creator intended. Laughter is great medicine, but I see how there needs to be a compromise with pleasing TV executives and giving enough of what people want even if it's not that good for them to make lots of money for the entertainment industry!

With being successful and it's easy to conclude that this is what a lot of people want to be happy, it requires some studying. There's a smart and habitual way of studying without needing to treat it like a destructive force! I am engaging in some studies myself from writing- the topic is all about me and how I'm trying to interact with my cool readers even if it is so small in numbers. I don't really care about the numbers- I want to write with high quality and persuasively and do it all for free because it's so much fun with what I'm doing here. I'm getting to my one-a-day average for goal achieving and have been doing it for almost ten years now. I have days where I don't feel like writing but it still comes out and when I read a few of those now, they can sometimes feel so genuine and I love that part about myself!

Using Time And Patience To Figure Things Out

It's interesting how I have decided upon a blog title to be actually a suggestion. The fact that I have a couple readers on here from wherever they came from makes it such an honor. I don't really know how good my writing and thoughts are, but it definitely could use a much bigger influence instead of just closing my thoughts to only myself and feeling great about it while writing everything down in my head! I have noticed that my suggestions can make people think I'm crazy and not even respond back to me.

It really seems like my writing style is something that I can put down to feel great about myself and then eventually have no responses from anybody else. It appears that I'm self-reliant and in a way, when people don't respond back with anything it's probably because it isn't something to concern oneself over. It's probably difficult to pick up on my intentions or even want to give it some serious thought unless I made someone mad over nothing really serious! If I mention this also, then that person is most likely going back to not saying anything again. 

I have heard from people only a couple ladies say that I'm extremely scary. I had one lady keep on replying back to me in a crazy and annoying fashion accusing me of being crazy while she was herself being that way over nothing serious. I think the key fact here is that nothing was serious and these ladies were talking about how I was scary to them. I believe this is going to make a lot of people who supported them, along with those ladies to not really say anything about it now once I point it out. 

What's pretty interesting to find out is that from reading user comments, some can get into heated arguments and then one can end up effectively chewing another person out and make that other user look bad. When this happens, the person who looks like he or she lost doesn't say anything back and ignores it. This is precisely what's going on for me and again, it's only from mentioning how the silliness that came out of our personal drama is that it wasn't really serious to look at. This makes them look bad for acting crazy over nothing serious, so they are not going to say anything about it and act like they are ignoring it with me. It really does serve to be distracting for them and is selfishly one-sided for trying to make them the laughing stock of the bunch of people I know about and have interaction with. 

Finding The Right Girl

I'm honestly now viewing with finding a girlfriend in that it's about being ready for it and to just let it happen. I actually had my chances, but I didn't go fishing for it because I felt weird about it from having silly issues to sort out. I have resolved a whole lot of things now. I would like to be married to a nice and sexy lady who wants to get physically intimate quite often. It would be awesome and a lot of guys feel the same way about it in the beginning. After awhile, maybe who knows it's not really a priority for having too much of it and just an annoying wife if she keeps on bugging for it! However, I think being in that position would be able to give any guy so much bliss, so might as well work very hard for it, no matter how long it takes!  

I'm looking to marry a sweet lady who possesses the personality of wanting to maintain herself, stay healthy by working out, about self-improvement while being successful at it, and would love to get physically intimate pretty regularly! I'm not really quite so wrapped up about a woman's appearance anymore as long as she has those internal characteristics I look for. I guess for me then it will be about getting to know all I can about her and then if we both want to next, treating dating like it's a courtship for me. It feels sad to be rejected, but there's really nothing one can do about it but to keep on learning and trying until one gets to a happy relationship.  

I think one of the first steps for me to realize a good lady for me is if she happens to show any form of interest in me. I believe it's a safe bet to start with and then just building upon it with more experience. Having a lot of money and being an elite athlete with muscles and killer abs while looking mighty handsome will make it harder for me to spot the genuine ladies though. Even so, this is my goal that I want to reach because I want to marry a successful woman also, so I will have something in common to relate to. For the single ladies out there, I'm sure plenty of them don't want to trust guys in pursuit of them and feel grossed out for being seen upon as a sexually pleasing object. I'm already friends with a girl like this and she admitted to having a soft spot for me. She isn't really the affectionate type much to my liking yet, but is usually chill about letting me join her with stuff she wants to do and often dictates what we should all do together!

Right To Bear Arms

Last night I read a sad story about how a former marine turned mentally unstable went on a killing spree at one of the safest cities in the world. I guess not one city is really safe, and there really is a little risk involved now if a person wants to have fun at a popular place. Despite these associated risks, I guess everyone still likes to think it's never going to happen to them. It's unfortunate but my question is if people have the right to bear arms, I wonder why they really don't go through the hassle these days of acquiring a gun and practicing it for self-defense with these bad guys. Maybe, because it takes too much time and it's expensive, so they would rather have gun control laws to keep others from having access and to try to even the playing field.

With these gun-control laws, it seems nice but what if the government decided to become oppressive against a people for some crazy reason and those people really had no way of defending themselves? It may just be that having the right to acquire a gun legally might have future implications of more innocent lives lost, but I see it is a God-given right to be able to protect homes and one's own life with an effective weapon against a perpetrator. It's probably that maybe some people want to be peaceful and not get into that mess and deal with conscientious thinking of ending someone's life because they have to.  It's probably from not wanting to deal with it and avoiding those tragic situations in the future that people would want preventive measures while not still going out of their way to practice with a gun for self-defense.

Overall, I believe people just want to feel comfortable with where they are living and willing to make tiny sacrifices for being happy. I think they want to focus more on their own lives rather than worrying about some crazy nut with experience shooting down people. I guess it's coming to feel an acceptance that it's never going to happen to them and how they will find a way to stay alive even without owning a gun. To give it a label, it feels like red-neck territory in the states to own a legal weapon while getting good at it and these red-necks are probably people the bad guys wouldn't want to take on as a whole. 

Making Good Out Of Life

The mind is such a terrible thing to waste and with so few people out there who reach the top and are so good, they really do deserve recognition so they could inspire or entertain others. It really doesn't matter with the whole impressing others thing, which is what I was so selfish about achieving in the beginning. I think this whole selfishness with wanting to have a good relationship with everyone is really rooted on me having an abnormal level of desiring positive recognition from people. I still haven't got it and being so mad about it, I have to work even harder to get there and keep on pushing while suffering from not getting the desired level of achievement. It would be cool if everyone in this world liked this blog even, so this is my motivation to try really hard whenever I feel this selfish drive to reach this goal.

The goal I have in mind is also really scary for a few people I have been mad at and intentionally blocking out my words while trying to make fun of them and laughing at them. It's really annoying to be on my end of this passive aggressive attack, no matter what a person did. I guess that's why it is about pursuing and I just haven't had the time nor resources to reach everybody who I felt was affected by me negatively and to get them to change their hearts and minds and add me back on Facebook or even better, be willing to hang out with me. It's pretty much a work-in-progress and I accept that I will be making fun of those people and trying to get others to not take them seriously, if they try to make my life hard while responding very angry with me. If a person raises his or her voice to say stop talking about something, then it's because he or she is mad and bothered about it. For my case, it hasn't been something so serious for them to act that way so I know they have been just crazy about it. I don't care that they are crazy because the situation isn't even that serious that I don't need to see them as one of my valuable and serious friends while still being at peace with them and even befriending them again. I just think that some people around them will be selfish while not being able to handle it and not want to hang out with them from realizing their faults later on, but I'm different in that I don't see it too serious for me to even worry about them and will still be friendly with them.

They don't really have to fear me then because I know how to stay cool about it now and will work hard to always stay on top and be smarter than them while I'm hanging out with them.

Using Fun To Recharge

Just being so glued in on something as a routine can feel so old at times and it might not even be fulfilling from not having reached a goal yet. Perhaps the goal might be further away than we thought as we are nearing the time we expected for it. My mom is currently trying to master playing the flute and has a hard time while making some very obvious mistakes with it still. For myself, I'm able to cover up my mistakes better on the piano when I'm playing solo, so a lot of people think I'm pretty good at it even though I know the truth. I believe that people who are even experts won't be able to tell either unless they know the score by heart and there aren't too many out there who will even say anything if they hear my mistakes.

I'm just digressing a little and I don't know how I ended up taking it that way, but it was interesting to observe I guess on the fly so I wrote it down. What I was trying to get at is that reaching a goal might feel so hard and unpleasant sometimes, but if it's something we truly want to do, it's something we have to stick with. I think my mom is inspired by me to keep practicing because she believes me when I said it's all about practice with getting better on an instrument, and I used to suck at the piano really bad. I have been recently discussing about how it's fun to play and even make mistakes while putting it together. Timing the notes is very important and it feels so right and good when executed. Another reason for my mom is because she wants to eventually play for a local orchestra.

I guess when times feel not so good and slow while trying to stick something out, it's important to relax by doing something that's fun for a person. I think from watching an exciting anime, it can get me all pumped up and inspired to work hard again because a lot of those series are really about the protagonist achieving something impossible while being naturally gifted or very special. What I would like to achieve is perfection in giving myself the right amount of fun to unwind and then getting right back into doing hard work again.  

Overcoming Stressful Thoughts

I have a hard time myself with this because just for some random reason if things are not going the direction I would like it to and I'm just by myself, I want to let out a swear word. It's really common for people to do this anywhere, including old men nearing their 70s like my dad. I'm not really satisfied by how I just give into it and makes me feel rotten in some sense. I believe this is the area of self-control and self-awareness with a lot of it centered around it.

It's funny because when we are around some people like adorable kids or maybe someone very important, we usually won't just start blabbering out bad words from not wanting to leave that type of impression, so it will probably hard press us to stay outwardly nice while the thinking can be so whack momentarily if we're upset underneath. I guess it's a matter of just regaining composure if anyone goes through it and going back into the grinder for whatever purpose the person has found.

Overall, I think it's about just remaining calm as possible while making yourself relaxed and sticking with it while putting a lot of effort to come up with a resolution that will make you happy and this involves considering everything. It can be even more stressful to think even more about something unpleasant, but this is what people who desire to be problem solvers do. Seriously, most of the things I go through isn't even something to take that seriously now and it just makes me feel a whole lot better and smarter to open up with someone or possibly a group of people who are trying to bother me about it. You know, there's also nothing wrong with leaving them behind and moving on to work on something desirable. 

Obtaining Success

I personally believe that success occurs from applying hard work and being consistent at it. It's very important to have a passion or discover it if one hasn't and then understand if he or she has enough of an ability to make a living out of it. It's really sad and also annoying to know someone who doesn't have much going for himself and all he does is just talk very angry in an unintelligent and annoying manner while laughing hysterically about something that a person can't really make out easily to understand. He's unfortunately a lost cause at that point and there's nothing I really want to do for him. I guess I could tell him to always be a nice person and an inspiration by working hard to make other people happy, if he still wants to make a lot of money and raise a family. I mean if he rejects it and he tries to ask me for stuff then I have to just tell him the truth that he comes across too angry to me even though he can hide it, and I don't want to work with him and just walk out on him. With this guy, to inspire him, it's really quite straight-forward. It's to live the example of being a successful person by working hard while cutting out all of that baloney sandwich with wasting time that won't pay the bills while he's around suffering and acting jealous about seeing his twin brother and me enjoying leisure.

I'm starting to become very real and it's about having enough practice to get things done. It's like learning to dance at a big social and inexpensive event with a bunch of new faces. It's really exciting to just meet people and say hi for like five seconds while greeting one another and smiling and then switch partners after practicing to perfect a dance sequence. I think it's really cool and everybody should be there because they want to have fun and think it's cool. I'm around taller ladies and I want to cry sometimes but I'm able to get over it and haven't had too much trouble because thankfully my arms are long enough to see her twirl. It's just putting in effort and performing it with confidence and staying relaxed. I have a smile on my face and it's really fun to hold hands with one another and not care. I think some of the ladies were really hot and one didn't want to let go of holding hands and that felt awkward for a moment.

Becoming Attractive While Being A Short Guy

First off, I'm only 5' 3" and one of my good characteristics I believe I carry is experiential learning meaning that I won't let myself stay stupid about something I'm into forever. Putting it together has been such a privilege for me and it's a practice I commonly follow for my job as the only software developer at my company. Being intelligent enough to remember details from visualizing events and recognizing patterns to be able to draw strong conclusions that benefit yourself is definitely a huge advantage for anyone!

First off, it's so important to never lose heart with any goal in mind especially if it's geared towards a person's happiness. If it seriously contradicts what the Bible intended meaning that it's really sinful when looked at, then I don't recommend going any further with it!

With those parameters in mind, I have come up with the short man's solution to becoming an attractive alpha male! One thing I've noticed about heterosexual couples is that attraction plays a huge role in wanting to commit to one another and then letting it get serious which leads to a happy marriage. A short man is at a huge disadvantage that it makes a short guy like me want to cry about it. Crying about it isn't going to change how God designed this world. Without attraction, it's possible for a girl to still like a man for his positive characteristics who is attracted to her and she's only going to want to be his friend most of the time. There's really nothing wrong about it and the man should just suck it up and enjoy a good relationship with this girl if she's a real sweetheart.

A short man capable of making friends with cute or hot ladies has won half the battle. I have some of those friends and it's like whatever to me to be honest. I'm still looking for my sexy mate by the way! I'm friends with a lady who is all about the flesh and being attracted to form this swinger-like mentality which I find is misleading, so I encourage her to form strong relationships and move on from her past that her mind can't let go of. Yeah, it's that intense for her and I know because I'm really close to her and she also likes me too by the way!

She told me that I'm hot and this translates into her being attracted to me and she's also taller than me. It feels like a paradox for a short man stuck in a world of girls who are attracted to taller men being the majority. It's really important to find a girl who isn't that shallow and stuck only on appearances. I would seriously "X" those girls out and look for a replacement with the billions of ladies out there, even though a typical short guy can probably only reach out to like one or two at a time. It's a lot of hard work and something a short guy shouldn't lose heart over. I know this from experience.

If the lady isn't that shallow, a short or ugly or bald or is all-of-the-above guy can get her attracted to him using other methods. For instance working out dramatically increases sex appeal and I don't care how many guys say that a woman only cares for the guy, it is such a lazy excuse! I say work out for the future bride the short guy intends on meeting. Confidence is really nice to have too even though it's pretty hard to find with short guys, and I think the typical short guy will just be lazy and talk about with his guy friends how he wants this and this and continue to sound the same way without getting any results.

Again, it's mainly hard work and never giving up and refining the self through research, experience, and advice from good people. Picking up on details without asking much and from being intuitive about it from having an open and happy mind is so good too. I believe the trifecta approach for an ideal short guy who is loved and attracting beautiful women out there is to have an elite-level athletic body, be crazy rich or just enough to seem that way by ladies, and have this awesome personality that shows intelligence, kindness, and enthusiasm to convince women that her kids will turn out fine and her life will stay wonderful and pleasurable thanks to my sexy dream! Meaning, I already know proven and natural techniques that short kids should practice to grow tall and become very attractive out of the blue. Through this getting lady attracted approach from a short guy, if she falls in love with him then it's better than gold and nothing is coming in between it for her.

Weirdness

It might be funny to talk about or just something that grosses people out in general. I'm not going to hold it in any longer. What's so great about this blog is how I can treat like how I'm exposing myself to everybody out there and maintain my true persona at the same time. It's really quite neat to have this format of being very open about my life, but at the same time trying to be decent as possible. It's not easy to even dream of writing like this for some people, so it would probably be even too hard to do but for some reason, it's been flowing naturally for me lately. I have even found that I feel more confident and intelligent with how I talk in my social outings.

Sticking closely to the truth and being about hard work has made it possible for me to be happy even though I haven't found my sexy mate yet. I know she's around, but I can't gauge how selfish I get to be when it comes to the thought of getting some intimate pleasure. I know that I want to be happy with being married to one lady at a time; to put it bluntly, there shouldn't be any divorce unless there's adultery or some physical abuse issues. I would like to marry a Christian, so that way I know we're on the same page with this whole commitment thing and it's about pleasing God. If the spouse gets widowed then yes, the Bible allows getting married again. I think I had one widow interested in my online Christian dating profile, but I never responded back!

Occasionally, I have been getting Christian ladies hitting me up from their online profile. I think they want happiness and are open to all of that physical intimacy in a good marriage. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable about it though because it feels like my parents influenced my upbringing and I'm not happy with it either. It's tough but one of my main incentives is that I want to enjoy a ton of intimate pleasure mutually with the lady I'm married too and very often for a pretty good duration without having to worry about the signal for any future pregnancies. Watching some fantasized videos that are about heavily induced pleasure from performers, I fantasize about wanting a lot of that action in marriage! I need someone compatible to share and mutually love this physical intimate pleasure. I think those performers are dirty for not being married, and I don't blame them because it seems like they feel guilty for getting that much pleasure. This view I have isn't sinful but what I have been watching totally is and I don't support the implied messages while laughing about its silliness and letting it feed my fantasy. I guess then yeah, a lot of people are into doing this as well. It's really hard because my heart is trying to close the gap by justifying a gray area dealing with abiding by the Lord's spirit. I'm sure I won't have any problems with this once I'm married to the right lady. In the meantime, I'm going to need to have more fun by making friends with more nice ladies until I'm able to be introduced to a good catch who is available and will be so happy to help fulfill this sexy dream!  

Resolving Same Thoughts

Honestly, I don't think it matters anymore with how some people were being crazy with me. They aren't someone to take seriously for me and it's just a matter of being consistent with hard work in the right areas of my life so that I wouldn't have to feel tempted about being jealous about them. I think it's through this hard work while maintaining this consistent effort that one can manage his or her own shortcomings and earn self-discipline. It's so important to be happy about being a hard worker, so I guess that means finding something that will be very fulfilling and lucrative if that's even so highly desirable.

I think I have the best job in the world, which is being a software developer and working all by myself- I am a one-man army at my company and use a really outdated programming language to update the system and create new features that are heavily relied upon by the company. It forces me to think simple and come up with clever solutions that are effective and also efficient. It reminds me of how a professor felt I had the best code to share with the class. It's a lot of hard work and putting in all this effort, and it was really passion that I was developing back then. I hated the amount of pressure I felt because all I wanted to do was live an easy life and be so happy and filled with excitement along with everybody on the same page with me. People are selfish and into doing their own thing and probably quite a lot even have anger issues to resolve and should get some counseling for, but some are more open to being nice and these folks are the ones I would like to be happy about finding and maintaining a relationship with.

I can let it go because crazy Lee and that stupid pastor are people I don't want to take seriously anymore. I don't want to take those people who are openly against me about not showing up to their church again seriously either. It's funny to get kicked out of a church while having been shy and trying to be confrontational about it. I was really passive aggressive about it so it drove them all nuts! I'm laughing about how selfish I was and how they still take me very seriously and are scared. I have gained so much personal confidence that I don't have to ever visit them again. However, I made a very stupid promise to God I regret now and it involves something with that church, so I can't let it go unless one of the leaders there openly tell me that they can't handle me as a person being there. None of the leaders have the courage to tell me and it's also a smart maneuver on my end because if they did say they can't handle me then their advice in the beginning would all fall apart. It also means that their confusion they placed upon themselves would already fall apart by me visiting again. The selfish mind wants to do what's best for him or herself and so I know it's to just ignore it and not deal with it and to do the quickest exit and not even look bad about it with people. It means that I now know I won and they are the losers to not take seriously no matter what they decide to do. Their worst is to go for a court order and I get to counter by embarrassing them with facts which will tick them off, so by me threatening to do this, they won't even go there. I get to lead my own path with these people once again and not feel bad about it and even have everybody else siding with me, except for them of course.

Balanced Life

It's like everyone is into doing their own thing with their crowd and then when there's something like drama going on, it just pretty much sucks and then can lead to people picking sides from hearing them out. It's hard to move on basically but it has to be done somehow. I think one of the worst deals is not opening up as a person from fear of being disliked. It's going to happen anyway so might as well live with it and be openly honest much as possible and nice about it. I guess when it all comes down to it, I'm a short guy anyway and not very rich yet to my liking so it's not truly going to help me out that much.

Something I've gained quite a bit though is finding confidence from developing a personal sense of humor. It's fun to want to quietly giggle very hard about anything from just placing emphasis on personal thoughts. I'm just going to have to deal with these weird feelings and thoughts that get me to lose track of time while having fun with something else and then sort of regretting it later. It's just hard work after all and finding something that I want to be successful at so I can find all the time in the world to attempt everything I want to do daily. I want to live a happy, healthy, and balanced life while having a thing for placing my faith on Jesus and growing in knowledge through worshipping God found through reading the Bible.

Seeing the Bigger Picture

Being a guy who is visual and from having grown up with a little sister who wasn't that laid-back, it really brought on a lot of challenges for me. I think I asked her if she could set me up with her friends and then she would just get crazy and dumb with me about it. I think she had massive anger issues and blamed me all the time for it! I can't really blame her for trying my best to not offend her but I did anyway because she ticked me off so many times, too.

It's really funny to look back and just see things for what they are. My sister and I have a decent and better understanding. I am a really smart cookie who struggles a lot in the beginning and comes across as a scary lunatic who happens to be so smart! I'm about a head shorter compared to normal guys out there, and this still doesn't matter to people who are afraid of me. It's because they have become paranoid about my abilities from knowing that I am hard-working and seriously have the potential to screw them over and make them lose their position they worked so hard for. It's because they are afraid of not understanding what I'm bothered about, and they want to protect themselves.

From being a direct person, I have this effect of calming people's anger issues down. It's so strong that it even works on me! This is why I'm still writing about it to this day.

Accepting Craziness Over Silliness

I believe a lot of my life the last few years has been about overcoming my sensitive emotions while relating to others and having a decent flow with a string of good friendships. Something I have established is that I keep in contact with female friends more than guys. It's interesting because I'm single and looking for someone nonchalantly. They haven't really appealed to me so much yet as to me trying to go ask them out.

I think my biggest drawback is that I want to be financially successful and have my own place to live and manage a happy life while being single. Having female friends is great because I get to talk about some things with them and they have a nice perspective and it feels like there are some elements to going on a date with them while hanging out. It's a cool experience and something I can build upon when it comes to the moment that I do finally meet someone I want to pursue after.

I'm pretty much a calculating type person and want to be reasonable. I think for the longest time I cared about a woman's appearance, but now it's falling out. I think I'm more scared now with the thoughts of dating a lady with muscles, rather than being displeased by how manly she looks. It seems like there's all of these hidden assumptions to make a connection with and if it feels good enough than that's where it turns into like a hunt for finding satisfaction.

Staying Young At Heart

I think for most single adults and no matter how old he or she gets, they can stay young at heart and even tick off a bunch of family members for being so happy and not miserable about married life and having kids. My parents really want grandkids so that's where my comment came from. I have told them my reasons in that I don't want to get into arguments like they have in the past. How they stayed together in itself is a marvel because my dad once told me about how my mom tried to tear up the living room and house and started raging while shouting because she thought my dad was getting charmed by another lady.

My mom never talks about how crazy she was and pretends nothing happened and says don't bring it up because it's too embarrassing for others to find out about. My mom cares about her image in other words and I guess recently from the way I have acted and how other parents are happy out there, my mom wants to disappear because of me. I don't really care because we are all accountable for our own actions and I know I'm not some criminal and can be a smart aleck all he wants to be from working hard to get somewhere.

I believe in the whole saying of getting knocked down and rising back up only to fall again and to keep on reaching for the top. It's all rooted in hard work, passion, and consistency. There's an annoying guy I know who likes to say he's the best and has that delusional feeling like he's the best. It's one of those kids in the classroom who daydreams he's on top of the world and doing amazing feats. He believes he is it and is living it and then just starts becoming annoying when you disagree and try to prove your point. His biggest weakness I believe is not taking him seriously and moving on with your life without really staying in contact. In other words, it's depression because he isn't really happy from thinking he is the best all the time which is quite interesting to suspect of. It's probably more from being lonely and having no one to project and show off to and get a kick out of having an effect. A friend is his twin brother and keeps reinforcing it by responding negative to it. I think my friend has been crazy with all of his views and is also a loner for the most part. Humanity has like this hypocritical or opposite sides thanks to Adam and Eve's fall at the Garden of Eden ( Book of Genesis).

 

Getting Out of a Funk with People in the Past

It really doesn't matter because it's all in the past now. As long as you aren't pursuing after vengeance or going after suing the heck out of a person who caused you mental or emotional trauma, I guess it really doesn't matter how mad he or she made you. I think the most important thing is to ask questions and come to assumptions if the person ends up acting dumb with you. By what I mean dumb is that he or she gets mad at you or ignores your questions.

I'm making assumptions that I'm not in trouble anymore and don't have to worry about how mad I made some people because I couldn't comprehend why they were acting like a bunch of crazies with me! Being mad isn't really a requirement and I guess people are going to be selfish and looking out for themselves as much as possible because it's only a natural thing.

I think it's really important to weigh what your personal needs are before pursuing after something a person did to you in the past. If it isn't really that important and just sucks then I guess that's where you would have to learn to move on.

I get it now. I need to go back to that church in Los Angeles with crazy Lee and that stupid pastor still there. I hope they left and I don't have to deal with them. I hope all the people who have traces of a memory of me left or just forgot about whatever the incident was. Crazy Lee was being stupid and thought a restraining order would get me to never attend their church again. It went away and I went back again and I heard from another girl who went crazy with me that it's okay to go back there again! I deleted those messages by the way, so I have no proof except for a few comments where she just went on a cussing frenzy. It should prove that she wasn't all there and just really mad about nothing really serious and that she should get some counseling to move on if it really bugs her that much- I was just asking her to add me on Facebook and kept on bringing it up every time she said no.

I guess some people have problems dealing with persistent people and they don't know how to deal with stresses of life which can be persistently more serious than just persistent people asking for a non-serious thing such as adding a person on Facebook because he or she feels like a connection with someone. I think it's a indication that maybe they need to refocus on the important things in life and get themselves settled. Yeah, I was really good at keeping a peaceful relationship but I was so mad in the past with the crazies I tried to have a good friendship with. It's all good now because I'm laughing about the past and accepting who I am even through all that stress from putting in more hard work and pursuing after a universally known, common goal.

Accepting Things That Suck

It sucks that I ended up becoming a short man- somehow, when I was typing the 'R' keyboard it looked like this shorrrrrrrrrt. It's funny how the keyboard sucks since I have been using it for awhile and it's all dusty with useful shortcuts, so I don't want to replace it. It's really cool to have a sense of humor and to relate with others- I believe a lot of people like it especially attractive ladies! It's good for me since I'm single and looking nonchalantly. There's two girls who hit me up yesterday and yes, they are single. "Heyyy!" would be the reaction I get from some people.

I used to hate getting patted in the back by girls, but after seeing guys pat each other after winning a game in the World Series last week, I really don't care anymore and will be expressive and enjoy some good hugs even if that other girl isn't feeling it and hugging me out of obligatory issues she has trouble resolving! I'm saying those ladies pat me on the back, and it used to suck for me.    

Moving Forward

I believe that becoming an inspiration while staying busy is probably the best way to make a strong impact with others. In order to get there, we also need to learn from others and probably being a sponge is a great way to pick up on skills! I have been around so much annoying critiques from others, but it's going to keep on coming from them if I don't pursue after hard work with making a living.

There's nothing wrong with studying something that piques our interest and earning a doctorate out of  it is really admirable and not easy. It's like there's places out there to go seek and find for getting a second chance. There's a view I have to ask now and it's really similar to my perception of how people have made such positive change with themselves when it comes to Christianity.

It's crazy how Christianity and having met God through believing upon His son Jesus creates a new life set apart from the old ways of living for some fleshly desires and fosters a happy change and in turn, inspires some people or maybe, some might be annoyed by that happy-go and hard-working Christian who is against their lifestyle. It happens!

Just having lived a crazy and angry life and then all of a sudden cleaning it up and turning it around while being able to relate with everybody is a powerful testimony in itself and this is what a lot is based off of for a believer to lead others into the faith. I guess learning about how loving God really is through some guidance and to be able to fellowship with other believers is a really necessary element and this is what I haven't had the chance to do in awhile. I would be about just pursuing after studying His Word and hoping to apply and use it someday. It's part of my convictions but to have also gone and visited a welcoming community of other believers at a church, it's really influenced me to be also happy about retaining the message they shared yesterday. 

Yeah, whatever happened between me with that nasty Hope of God church in Los Angeles is bygones already and they definitely will have anger issues about it with me ever bringing it up again. I understand what's going on in their selfish heads and accept it without being mad myself because I know how to laugh about the crazy incidents they supported back then. The fact that I'm able to communicate about it and even debate heavily in my favor even makes my mom not want to argue with me and just stay quiet. It's definitely not a great teaching church nor a really good practicing one even though they might have some pride about it. It's life and not everybody was meant to stay connected with one another, and I just have a different purpose outside of its exclusive church. A lot of people I affiliated with at that church left too, and it's good that they did but they did for their own personal reasons after the incident with me. I think it opened up their eyes to examine their teachings and questionable manners. I believe a few genuine and gifted individuals remain there, and I hope they will be able to turn it around for the church- maybe they are already happy with the good parts and don't need to be like greedy for more public attention. When it comes down to it, accountability belongs to each of us separately no matter how much you want to blame someone or something else for it. The good thing is that it's never too late to practice hard work and consistency as long as you are willing to and even after you left it for awhile.

Working Hard Under Feelings of Hardship

My feeling of hardship is pretty much just feeling confused with nothing to do and wanting to free myself of this excessive worry so I attempt to find healthy and productive things to do by probably trying to watch exciting and addictive Japanese animated episodes. They are really awesome for binge watching. Most of the time, it's too much for me to stay obsessed about it so I speed through it by reading spoilers on the Internet. If the details sound too good, I still watch that episode by trying to find it for free on YouTube.

I'm a Korean-American with parents who immigrated here, so that means my parents grew up with other people who want to hate the Japanese. I was influenced by it a little too by a teacher who talked bad about the Japanese and made fun of them for their violent and oppressive history. It's like when the Koreans take on the Japanese in a competitive and violent soccer match during a world-class match up, I'm all for the Koreans to take them out. Other than that, I binge eat all of their sushi and like to binge watch some of their animated shows intended for college kids.

I don't really have any problems with beautiful Japanese ladies either now because it's all about the personality, but some of them are naturally very physically attractive too! I think my parents and old relatives would flip out if I did end up marrying one of them. I don't really care about their happiness to be honest when it comes to love. I don't really care either if they want to isolate me from their family functions because it's really been about having a meal ticket for me while hardly being raised by busy and hard-working parents. I totally appreciate all they tried to do but it could have been better and I wish it was better like the selfish individual I am, but nothing will come out of it from just wishing. I have my own life to live now and I'm glad to be influenced by the Bible and in my faith upon trusting the Lord, Savior, and supernatural friend Jesus.  I feel like nothing is wrong for believing that I shouldn't be focused on pleasing selfish parents who say I should marry only the race they approve of. The Bible is cool about it, so I'm cool about it! It's all about the personality.