Resolving Same Thoughts

Honestly, I don't think it matters anymore with how some people were being crazy with me. They aren't someone to take seriously for me and it's just a matter of being consistent with hard work in the right areas of my life so that I wouldn't have to feel tempted about being jealous about them. I think it's through this hard work while maintaining this consistent effort that one can manage his or her own shortcomings and earn self-discipline. It's so important to be happy about being a hard worker, so I guess that means finding something that will be very fulfilling and lucrative if that's even so highly desirable.

I think I have the best job in the world, which is being a software developer and working all by myself- I am a one-man army at my company and use a really outdated programming language to update the system and create new features that are heavily relied upon by the company. It forces me to think simple and come up with clever solutions that are effective and also efficient. It reminds me of how a professor felt I had the best code to share with the class. It's a lot of hard work and putting in all this effort, and it was really passion that I was developing back then. I hated the amount of pressure I felt because all I wanted to do was live an easy life and be so happy and filled with excitement along with everybody on the same page with me. People are selfish and into doing their own thing and probably quite a lot even have anger issues to resolve and should get some counseling for, but some are more open to being nice and these folks are the ones I would like to be happy about finding and maintaining a relationship with.

I can let it go because crazy Lee and that stupid pastor are people I don't want to take seriously anymore. I don't want to take those people who are openly against me about not showing up to their church again seriously either. It's funny to get kicked out of a church while having been shy and trying to be confrontational about it. I was really passive aggressive about it so it drove them all nuts! I'm laughing about how selfish I was and how they still take me very seriously and are scared. I have gained so much personal confidence that I don't have to ever visit them again. However, I made a very stupid promise to God I regret now and it involves something with that church, so I can't let it go unless one of the leaders there openly tell me that they can't handle me as a person being there. None of the leaders have the courage to tell me and it's also a smart maneuver on my end because if they did say they can't handle me then their advice in the beginning would all fall apart. It also means that their confusion they placed upon themselves would already fall apart by me visiting again. The selfish mind wants to do what's best for him or herself and so I know it's to just ignore it and not deal with it and to do the quickest exit and not even look bad about it with people. It means that I now know I won and they are the losers to not take seriously no matter what they decide to do. Their worst is to go for a court order and I get to counter by embarrassing them with facts which will tick them off, so by me threatening to do this, they won't even go there. I get to lead my own path with these people once again and not feel bad about it and even have everybody else siding with me, except for them of course.