What I'm pretty good at doing is just moping around while researching on the different types of jobs and worrying about the bad parts about it. For myself, I don't really involve myself with people that much if it comes to being a part of a business; I hate the idea of being tied to making money by servicing people- some people are good at it and enjoy it, but for me I pretty much hate it. I'm not nervous about doing it or anything, just don't want to and I've tried forcing myself which left me with quite a bit of anxiety, so it's not for me.
Everything that I want to do is with me calling the shots. The only reason why I would work for money is if I'm part of an interest group with some friends- like programming video games. If it's obviously the greatest game ever created, then I would feel lucky and hope to not get cheated by losing profits with it, so it's just being about doing what I love doing ultimately. I'm currently with this feeling that I need to live pay check after pay check. My parents have a great business and I want nothing to do with it because I'm not passionate about working 50+ hours and worrying about money all the time. I hardly ask my parents for money because I want to make it out there on my own.
Establishing comfort among friends or enemies who turn submissive with you and then become your friend is really cool for me. One of my friends who likes to cling to me which is a nice feeling, makes some irritating comments but become funny after thinking about them. I used to feel that I was irritating others not on purpose but just that maybe something was up that I couldn't master and I felt this total digression which left me feeling a lot of anxiety, just because it was around these people who were being so irritated. If I act natural and yell at them, then they wouldn't show those signs with me anymore and totally try to distance themselves with me; I would also hear some comments that they are not really that pleasant people too. Judging from these details, I believe they are just going through something stressful that they can't handle very well and become a jerk about it which is what an average person might naturally hate. In general, it's because they are acting like a loser. I know how to deal with these people and avoid stupid and callous things with them now- I actually knew how to get people to give me the right response because I was good at doing that, just that I had a hard time seeing what was happening inside of them. I have a better discernment of people being weird with me now and know how to limit it to the amount that I want because it's dealing with me individually almost all the time. I don't mind people trying to rattle me now and feeling some sympathy for them and still limiting them from doing weird things like that now; I can do this 24-7 and have fun with it so they're out of luck with me.
These people are the ones who are funny in a very bad way and also quite weird and keeping things to themselves and so self-seeking while attaining a very bad and low quality appearance- I already mentioned who they are on this blog; Chris K, Betty L (still going to be nice with her and take care of the others who don't want me to be nice with her), Jarred T (why two r's?), Darunee Lee Wong (why can't see express liking me in the best way), Annie T (man, she was so weird and I still understand where she was going with it now), Golf (he knows that he was wrong), and Chai (the pastor is pretty non-leader oriented which might mean havoc to the church very cyclically). I can lead these men and women effectively even though they showed me a piece of their dark side.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
