It's pretty crazy how being at the computer and browsing through info feels so seamless and effortless to me now. I think it's from having plenty of experience and knowing what I'm literally looking for. Basically, I'm just going after what my motivation lies at first and simplemost and not being letdown if it doesn't come to me right away.
It even works out for me in the area of relationships. I don't mind if a girl I like or even if I end up disliking her attitude later decides to reject me for any purpose. I'll just move on to another girl who I actually like and will accept me for who I am. It's pretty simple but very hard to achieve because of these personal feelings of expectation not being met. It's from having lost a lot of heart and discerning how life just isn't going so well in a sense.
Getting out of that state of emotional depression took quite a bit of effort, but now I'm just feeling really healthy underneath and like a flying bird! First off, it took smaller building steps to get to me to the goal I was looking to achieve and to have a better understanding. For instance, I had to learn that some things others do to me don't really matter in the long term. This set me up to mess around with those people and have some fun with them while doing something to them that would make me laugh and at the same time, I would share with them that it didn't matter.
Lastly, after awhile I have finally learned the bigger picture and it's pretty much personal sacrifice being made into a commitment. It's really powerful to be selfless and even feels really good when it's let out during approriate times. In other words, I've been learning to die to myself to accept the daily situations of feeling angry, and it's worked out pretty well for me and I'm just glad as a result while noticing that the things that have been bothering me don't really matter anymore.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
