Optimizing Time Management

Basically, it's to not smoke weed all day and drink beer while wasting away precious money. Yes, I don't do those things. I don't think I've ever been awake enough to feel drunk. I just pass out while feeling really mellow.

I'm not someone who thinks drinking and feeling buzzed is so cool. I already feel that way because like I said, I might have or not have had bipolar disease. I definitely felt a whole lot of euphoria and major depression to the point of suicide from hearing voices in my head that said I was gay in the tenth grade! I had so much hormones going on for me and feeling so much pressure with trying to get into a great college and have fun playing video games without knowing what the heck I was doing!

I think at one point I tried suffocating myself hoping that would make the voices saying I was gay drown! It didn't work, but I took some miracle pills and it worked! I even forgot I had something like schizophrenia. It was probably a mixture of bipolar in it too. I mean I feel sad to recall that event for me and to talk about it. It does make people want to laugh though and yeah, it was a long time ago where those days felt too serious with everything just so elevated in a stressful playing field for me.

I'm just glad I got through it and it was like at it's initial and retarded stages for me, and the fact that I identified it and asked for help early and got it taken cared of, I feel so fortunate to not have to face that predicament anymore. It's really sad because one of my cool friends actually has schizophrenia and I can relate so much, but what sucks is that the cool person didn't report it early on and left it hanging thinking it was from a ghost or something. The person's voices inside the mind are like on their advanced stages, which proves the person is very bright to me but just distracted because of those debilitating voices. Comparatively, I remember how my own voices felt like I was listening to something real and was like someone shouting at me from a distance. It was like an echo and when I would turn, no one was there and I'd be like what the heck and this is so wrong and scary and that I'm sad for feeling this circumstance.

The great story I have is that I turned to prayer and on one of those crazy nights, I heard a vivid and assuring whisper, and it said that everything was going to be alright and then all the voices just backed down before firing back up again! I prayed for God to tell me everything was going to be alright and I got my answer. Even my mom read the Bible which was weird from feeling some sort of spiritual energy again and she said she stayed up all night to read it once and was going through it a second time. I was like "What?"

Well, after being fully healed of hearing those voices and completely forgetting about it to become a major butthead in my own way with my sister and a few weird friends, I turned to witnessing for Jesus. I didn't know what I was doing and it wasn't in my comfort zone, but I'm glad I put in the time to go after it. The fire has died down a lot for me, but I still believe in the Lord very heavily and try to study the Word and pray about my ordeals.

Basically prayer should be thanking God first in worship and then praying for someone and then thinking about how to be humble for myself in relation to this person being a jerk to me!