Investing and Saving Money

Instead of going after the quick spoils in life, I think the better thing to do is just hard work and then obtaining the riches from it. Obviously, we all have our own levels of interest and what we can handle but nonetheless, the principles still stay the same. When our lives circulate around what distresses us so much, it really causes so much distractions and headaches for others who actually care about us. I may be a selfless person from how I wish to live and how I feel excited about portraying myself with, but nonetheless what if I go overboard too and then end up losing it with some individuals?

In other words, through digression we sometimes get the impulse to go out and by a hamburger or buy a friend a ticket to an attraction, and other stuff like that. When our minds are just completely whacked out of cycle for letting something get to us so much then it causes a frenzy and makes the person do some crazy things others become displeased with. It doesn't matter whether we did good or bad, but what matters more is if the other person who is judging the situation is actually pleased with you or not. Some are just so selfless at not expressing their approval or disapproval with you and are just plain so cool!

Well, in a nutshell it's really about monitoring what you are spending on. All I really do is just go online and check my transactions and how much money I have left in my bank. I try to cut down on things I don't really find the time to use for if I did end up spending. I am also working at specializing on some times. Right now, I just want to hang out to this blog today because I'm actually a little worried about not receiving my 365 posts on time this year. I guess that's why I'm just hanging around these posts today to get as much done as possible while I'm still in the mood for blogging.

Adjusting Goals

Sometimes when we talk about our goals, we are actually hiding our true intentions. I know this because I'm accustomed to having done this all the time. From not wishing to waste my time over thoughts I don't want to commit to now and not relying on my personal feelings, I'm actually relating to those thoughts being something I can ignore and push out of my own system.

Those hidden agendas is what was really preoccupying most of my thoughts. From wishing to hold no grudges and actually not relying on my feelings so that I won't overreact, I'm now thinking more reasonably. Actually, I wasted time over imagining a very realistic scenario and outcome; I think that's how good I've become at keeping up with the hidden agenda regarding a bunch of bad people. Yet, initiating the separating of ways with them and not pursuing them in a vengeful way is actually turning out to be quite good for me. I'm also not stupid at the same time and am quite keen at surprising individuals going off-center with me.

The major perspective is turning out to be first what the Bible is encouraging us to do and secondly, what my actual type who would fall for me would be pleased with. Everything seems to be in place for me now, I just need to secure a really nice home now to be complete in this physical realm. Seriously, with my own type I want to her to be really giddy and head-over-heels swept off her feet with me while I find ways to support and please her; I am also the type who won't let go of family and stay committed to for very long and extended periods of time, from actually having an ability to look at others' perspective by overthrowing my own emotions and not grudging over them.

Living For Better Things

I think the act of blogging whatever I'm thinking about while holding nothing against anyone, it really becomes a powerful tool to just communicate about anything with anyone interested at the moment and also my own personal subconscious. In other words, it's really the act of doing something meaningful to me and isn't really wasting any time because I'm physically doing something by typing away on this keyboard and creating some casual essay about my personal life I want to adorn with excitement and satisfaction.

At the same time, I'm not relying on my own feelings to manage what I would normally see as a negative thing. Seriously, initiating the separating of ways with some people is the most ingenious thing I could have ever come up with. It's also with no grudge and having nothing against them; it's seriously something that I never really did in the past and just flowed so naturally for me, but now I'm actually willing myself to go in this direction.

Actual Physical Stuff To Work On

I've been totally discouraged to go after a funny career of being an online poker player. Basically, I had a personal arrangement where I didn't need to put in any more money and I could literally build my bankroll for free starting by gaining a quarter to a few dollars each day in under fifteen minutes. It would have been just for fun, but looks like that option is no longer available for me now. I'm highly discouraged to turn it into an actual gamble on my income, so I'm just going to let it go. I'm not going to rely on my feelings of wanting to go back to it now. I think this area of gambling wouldn't even satisfy what the Bible encourages us to do and the woman who ends up falling for me.

That being said, I will have an additional 15 to 30 minutes to do whatever I need to do for getting at my own personal goals. No more thoughts to waste my own time with, even if I know I'm a genius and solved the approach to making it work which I actually did. Seriously, it's just not worth it to me these days and it would be better to just go separate ways. I'm ready to move on to greater things now and I'm not holding any grudge on anybody. I'm just fully free now and I'm not relying on my own feelings. I will be constantly monitoring myself because this is going to be rather difficult to be keeping up with, but I think it would be pleasing to the passages found in the Bible and also my actual type I want to settle down with.

Thinking Straight

No longer am I going to waste my time of matters in my head with things that I don't want to commit to for long periods of time. I'm going to for a more pragmatic approach this time and not rely so much on my own feelings for myself. When it comes time to fall in love or something, that will become a cool matter to resolve but for now I have a big house to go fetch before I try swaying the heart of my actual type. I want to do everything in my power to make her fully satisfied and also excited about sharing a life with me. I seriously believe that she will be the most beautiful woman in the world to me and that everyone who thinks otherwise is just being crazy!

Whatever I had going that's taking too long and not promoting my current endeavors, I'm just going to numb those thoughts out now. I'll worry about it later when my emotional I.Q. deems it worthy to. For now, it's time for me to ransack my own feelings and go after nothing negative in my end. I want to live a fully satisfying and exciting life to the maximum amount possible with whatever current situation I am in. It's so much easier when there are no grudges going through your own heart, and this is where I intend to keep it without relying on my feelings. It's hard work in my focus to stay concentrated on the important matters I want to stay committed in now.

Turning People Loose

I think it's best for me to just not exhibit any negative feelings with anything that happened and to just go after what would be great for me. I'm going to just have to do my best to not give into my personal feelings when they deal with anything negative. This is something that I'm pretty aware of in that I can actually monitor my own personal feelings regarding anything in the moment I'm dealing with something.

For these last couple days, I've been imagining in my head all the possibilities that I could do and imagining things that I believe have an ability in. I'm not going to focus on things that I don't want to commit to right now and go for the ones that I seriously have the demand for now. I understand that people are people now and how I don't have a grudge for any one of them who ended up becoming negative with me. I'm not using my own feelings in this matter either.

I do believe that initiating the parting of ways with a person could really be powerful on my end and give me a reason to seek after better things in my own life. I think this has to be done by the better side to be very effective.

Going Separate Ways

I now believe that possibly with some things that don't work out, despite personal feelings of wanting to hang on to something, then maybe it's better to initiate the going of our separate ways and to just go from there. I think life is really all about struggles and getting there, even if we lack in certain traits or characteristics others are looking for.

What I should really focus on now is what I can do and with what I'm going to do in the present. I don't think I want to plan too far away with some things that are too low in personal value now. Basically, I'm holding no negative feelings at anything that's happened to me now, but I'm not stupid either. I really like this arrangement I'm making for myself now.

Not Wasting Time With Stupid Thoughts

I think stupid thoughts are pretty much the way you think and then get nothing accomplished from it. In other words, it's pretty much thinking about something and then not putting it into any form action related to it. I believe this is a form of wasting time. Obviously, there are preferences in the way we have with thinking. For instance, sometimes it's just addicting and flavorful to check up on which actors are in a movie and to read up a little on their interests with the development of the movie they are starring in.

However, some thoughts are greater than others and so we all have a value system with which thoughts should be given greater preference than others. Definitely, focusing on just being random with negative movements and actions is really losing. I know this and I think I can limit myself to doing positive things most of the time, if I can't do it all the time. I think the key is to pretty much not use any emotions.

Sometimes the things we perceive to be true really don't cut it because it was from having been really emotional or holding a grudge on something. It's pretty funny how some people do this to me now, and I'm not going to get all angry really sudden now if I can't understand what they are doing or being a certain way to make me feel so bugged. I'm not going to give in to these negative feelings because the way I see it now, it's losing and wasting time with stupid thoughts.

It Doesn't Matter What I Am

To some people, it doesn't even matter that I think I'm a nobody. It doesn't matter that I always want to humble and thinking righteously. I'm always going to try to put up the good fight and keep on racing to the end. I'm now pulling the plugs on some indecent things no matter how addicted or distant I feel from it because I actually believe in God that I want to please and also have a type I like in a female and I want to please her too.

I am trying to make time for everything now that is important, but I've been stuck on things that aren't that important. I need to do this more for myself now and because I just want to. My mind used to be in a different place and I used to set things on overdrive, but now I'm not really like that with a mind of my own and some people are just not taking it too well with me.

I'm going to live a blameless life to the best of my ability. I think the solution is really to not have a grudge with anything and to settle things down with some people by just initiating a parting of ways, despite my true intentions of staying friends. I think it's better for me to do this just to be the better man now. Anything that I see or hear, I won't give into my anger but go after showing love. Basically, what's been working pretty well for me is not relying on my personal feelings and then working at resolving the situation with the best solution and then not having any negative reaction from it. It's pretty much losing in anything when a person shows any form of negativity in a conversation and this is something that I finally figured out. I'm not going to use my emotions at all and go for what I want and then go for the best solution of moving on. It's pretty much just apologizing to the person and asking them to part ways and go separate ways despite my intentions of trying to become friends with them again. I think that's pretty much what I'm going to be doing a lot for awhile with some people. So far, they haven't given me the sign of wanting to truly move on with me; I think they still want to hang on to a part of me, since I asked them in this unique fashion. Yeah, I'm absolutely different in a good way and I intend to keep it that way.

Fighting Off Grudges

There are big or little things people can do to get us angry, sad, or upset. As long as we don't let those things get to us and put in our effort to not use our unreliable feelings in those areas and work hard in areas we could be more productive then I think it's okay to engage in a conversation with a person who would normally upset you.

I think what I'm saying is to basically be in the act of moving on by not holding any grudges and fighting it off on the inside and to let go of any insecurity. Wow, now that I think of it, my little sister and some people I've associated with are really in a mess with their hearts. They really did it to themselves more than what I really did to bother them as a person.

I think the general guideline is to look up on some definition of words like the word grudge because some people will place a different meaning onto it. By having a dictionary at our use, we actually have something that could be our standard. What I get from the word grudge in the dictionary is pretty much making a negative reaction towards something in a nutshell. I am going to eliminate all of those negative emotions directed at that person now and not even flirt around with it and just go from there. So pretty much, the opposite of not having a grudge would pretty much be always showing love! That's it, I finally have it and all this time I was struggling with my own insecurities. I guess I'm meant to be an exception to a crowd in this world.

One Small Detail

I'm realizing that one small detailed action can have a significant impact. What I have as my muse is the cleaning activity I have gone through. By cleaning up a mess on my computer desk by just picking a book, I realize a significant difference from a physical and emotional perspective. For some reason, the mind feels more lighter and free from an additional distraction.

Likewise, now I realize a truly small detail dealing with others that could have a very big impact with my future relations. My personal detail is that I have no issues dealing with anyone whatsoever because no matter what happens, I don't have any problems with working it out and communicating about the issue. What others may have been hiding is that they want to selfishly move on while they know they have nothing against me. It doesn't get me mad even though my flesh tells me to become super angry at them. I'm not relying on my feelings anymore because I actually don't mind being rejected now. Perhaps, those people are just not that great of individuals as I hoped they would become but no matter, I can still pursue after plenty of great people in my lifetime who are just genuinely nice and easy to get along with even through the storms that come our way in life.

Basically, with this small detail that I now carry, I wish to not be reliant on my personal feelings and go about doing a little act that I know could potentially make a huge difference in another life. I believe that I would just be doing my little part that goes unnoticed in the world but would truly make an individual impact.

Question I Want To Always Ask

If I ever manage to go out with any more girls now in the future, I want to ask her if she cares about my height and how she feels about it. I guess I need the confirmation that she won't feel so insecure about it and from there, I can move forward and do my thing with her if you know what I mean! I've been so shy to ask a few girls, but I had no problems asking the ugly girl I dated. Her answer was that she had no problems and no regrets about it; I seriously wonder why. She basically said that it's about the man being able to hold his stature and status really well and didn't matter what he looked like on the outside. I think it's cool that she's a pretty humble person even though she has made claims about how great looking and nice she is with me while we were dating. It was almost like a form of marketing and then she revealed her true intentions of wanting to become romantic with me!

Okay, it was a little too much for me with this girl I dated. I sort of fell out with her because she didn't want to go exercise with me; her excuse was that she had an ankle problem and man, she was walking pretty badly too with a limp. It was not the most graceful sight I've ever laid eyes on, but when she revealed her health issues with me, even though she was doing her part with trying to stay healthy, I felt like it would hold me back. I think this is where I figured out that I don't care about a woman's appearance if we get along but I want to be pretty physically active with her in doing outdoor activities, so I couldn't stay with her unfortunately, and it just turned into not responding back to her calls of a one night stand with me!

Reorganizing My Life Around

Over the last years, I was pretty much wallowing over making a mistake that haunted me. I've been a hit and miss type of person, and it suddenly dawned on me that I let go of some pretty good opportunities. Now, I see a larger room of opportunities from having moved on from those negative feelings. I do feel short and feel regretful from being 5' 3". It's short, even though I've seen shorter people be more successful than me and it's not just limited to other girls, there are guys shorter than me who have actually done pretty well for themselves. One guy who comes to my mind is J.P. Morgan- he was a meager 5' 1" Caucasian! Now I think being white and short is a lot more difficult to cope with than being Asian and where I'm at in how I can seriously scare a whole church congregation into calling the cops on me, while they have nothing against me too!

My writer's block was like this depressing thought of how short I am and how I can't get out of this predicament even though I was hit on by some girls at the time from being pretty good looking still. It was depressing with the thought of being short even though I wrestled with taller males and made them cry when I was a boy. It was so depressing that I was still sad when I grew taller than my mom and my little sister ended up staying super short when she fully grew up.

Oh well, it's a part of me that makes me feel always sad but I'm not relying on those feelings anymore and not letting it affect me from how I live my life now. I've dated a pretty ugly but taller taller female. I've also gone out with a rare good looking girl whose taller than me too. I've even exchanged numbers with girls who stood about my height and just a little taller than me. I don't know why I still have this height complex but I seriously don't show it when others mock my height just for fun. I'm sort of not minding the short jokes with me so much now and I'm also looking pretty stable underneath more. I don't have a problem with being a giving person, so that might be my main reason why I might not have a serious inferiority complex.

Finishing Up A Task

I have so much expenditures I've accumulated over the years and have never used up! It's just piles and piles of office supplies and other miscellaneous hobbies of mine. For some cool reason, I felt that cleaning up my room and removing all those time consuming projects I never really find from my view would give me a better advantage at specializing in an area I want to get myself into.

While cleaning up, my floor was so messy and my mom was telling me that I have so much work cut out for me in cleaning up my room. It took several days for me to fix it. I still have minor errands that I want to run and can't really find myself giving into them because this major cleaning activity is getting me so obsessed into finishing it. Actually, I'm not even finished yet because I only have major part of it done.

I now honestly want to always see a clean desk in my view, instead of all these messy papers and books piled around me. I want to make it so neat and orderly now. This is what I'm setting myself up to. I want to have room to not distract myself over my own garbage and consume my passions. Honestly, I've done plenty of giving into my personal passions over the years while ignoring my messiness, but this time I want to develop a professional side within myself.

Resolving Annoying Pattern

I have this personality where if I start something then I won't finish it and start another project. Over the years, it has piled up with a lot of cool books and notes but no monetary profit from it. It sort of bugs me now, so I'm doing my best to stay focused in finishing some of the tasks I have for myself.

The good things I've been a little more recent at staying fixed on is basically working out daily and arriving at work on time. On the contrary with people issues, I don't really have any; it's just that some people are lesser equipped at being good people than others. I've always wanted acceptance from everyone, even those unfortunate ones who can't handle my antics very well!

I'm starting to resolve those people's issues with me by not relying on my feelings and just moving on. I've been practically wasting my time over messaging some girls, and I've done a fine job at it because they actually acknowledge it well while they are in an aggravated state. I left this one girl a message on the phone; I asked a friend to ask her if she wanted me to stop texting and leaving messages on her phone. She only said to stop texting her. I guess I'm better with my voice of reason than I am while asking silly questions with her like if I'm scaring her because she wants to be left alone. I just think she feels a lot more embarrassed about herself and wants to forget about the incident and just move on but wants to do it in a selfish manner. She isn't the most prettiest and nicest person out there because I've found someone already whose worth pursuing and so much more better than all the girls I've ever tried to get with or went out with. I just like pretending what type of person I would want to be in order to please her and put that into action for myself. Overall, she's just my true type and also a Facebook friend I've interacted with a few times and yeah, she's pretty nice too.  

Way I'm Spending Time

I have a really good buddy even though he's only Catholic and hasn't been very bright with his academic studies. He does come up with some brilliant remarks every once in awhile and can be very entertaining and charming, but he always tells me that he can't find a resolution while meeting somewhere in the middle. He has annoyed me a little about his indecisiveness but now I'm starting to not mind it being part of his personality, and if he's able to change a little into becoming a more decisive and strong adult, then I won't mind it that much too.

I've realized over all these years that I'm really about finding acceptance in everybody I've met. It's been hard for me to discover that some people are just not equipped enough to provide me with this type of leisure. I'm starting to fall out from those funky individuals now and more about chasing after appealing people that suit my types of needs now. I really like nice people and always love being around them; it's not so I can take advantage of them either but because it just feels so civilized and opportunistic to go out and do fun stuff with them.

No Use Writing Things Down

I'm finding that writing my goals down isn't really helping much, especially because I'm not really willing myself to go in that direction. I think it's really all underneath me and just need to pull through by letting go of my personal feelings that get in the way as my distractions. For some matters, it is what it is and if it isn't illegal then might as well just suck it up!

Some things are really going to require a lot of precision and care. Everything isn't going to work out all the time to reach an ultimate good thing, but at least it can be turned into a discipline so that the wins that occur in life would overlap the losses and bring forth all the good rewards!

What I Think Can Bring Me Money

I seriously believe now that maybe playing poker might be a decent way to make a little extra cash but of course with the risks that are involved. Along with other risks, I think managing my own web site and trading stocks could also bring me a little income eventually too. I also believe that learning a foreign language that I could master would be profitable too.

Perhaps, going after where I feel my passions would belong to, I think that's where I seriously need to be headed now. It's time for to just do it without much thought about my feelings into it. I'm just going to go after it; I don't really know of those things to be illegal and others being arrested over it. Might as well just get used to the fact that there will be good and bad days but as long as I can remain focused and disciplined, I can come up with a great strategy eventually that will pay off! I wish to go about things in a more comely manner now and that's pretty much where I will see myself taking off to now.

Not Relying On Emotions

I truly believe that God in the Holy Bible is an awesome, loving, and true God who has made Himself known to us. While looking for actually physical evidence, what really gets me is from examining the legitimacy of the prophecies. For personal reasons, it actually fills a void in my life.

Therefore, my direction isn't really about just looking at feelings and having them satisfied. It's really about doing things in a manner that is actually logical. For ethical matters and questions of my purpose in life, I'll just look to the good Lord in the Bible for answers and take it all in with good faith. If I am set on something and don't really know of it to be illegal at the moment no matter how much questionable the action might be, then might as well block out all the feelings that go with it and just do it!

I wish to go about in a more comely and logical manner this time; in order to do so, I will need to abandon my unreliable emotions this time around.

Doing Things You Love Doing

It's starting to turn out that I really enjoy taking a little time out of the day to read up on a few highlight stories coming from the media. I'm also enjoying this ability to just blog anything I want to within my heart's desire and willingness to stay appropriate. I guess the thing is that I'm a guy that really stays in pursuit with these matters and really love wasting time over. I just love the feelings that come out of it and dealing with something that's very stressful and annoying in the beginning. I'm just starting to think that the obnoxious people I'm dealing with are actually communicating with me because they are saying something to me.

Oh, it's starting to make a little sense for me now and I see that I really enjoy these types of situations and interactions for myself. I also need to focus on my personal life a little by working hard on earning a living with something I really want to do. It's actually more or less getting there for me now. I don't feel a chip on my shoulder or anything burdensome with the things I really like doing now. I just need to be more careful on some things.

Actually Communicating

I'm really loving the whole conversation with another person in how I didn't do anything wrong and got on his or her nerves! Well, the thing is they are communicating back with me and for the longest time I wasn't interested in playing games with them but only interested in getting along with them. I guess it's where it finally hits me that we're talking to each other, no matter how inappropriate it seems as long as words are being exchanged, it's still communicating.

I just love the stress I'm getting out of dealing with someone being obnoxious with me. I really enjoy just exchanging words back at them, however funny or burdensome it feels for me. The only thing I will never do though is make anything that's directly threatening them. I'm glad I was finally able to prove to my little sister that I was never really harassing her. I pretty much used a current story in the media to relate to our relationship, and I think my little sister didn't want to take it very well but she might sooner or later have no choice! This is so wonderful for me to work on and to even have a very annoying sister who responds like that to me, when I bring up a topic she's totally not into discussing about. I just love finding a way to a happy solution and also wasting time on these matters. It's so fun to me, but the one thing that will keep me pursuing someone is if he or she behaves a certain manner that affects other people. In this case, I'll just move on.

Acting While Disconcerted

I'm getting these restless feelings to just go out and do something; yet, I feel highly unmotivated sometimes and just want to sit there and do nothing. I guess that's why it's called putting a lot of personal effort to become successful. Sometimes, the feelings are not going to be in a right accord with the mind; therefore, the heart is going to need to will the body and mind forward.

What I'm going to do now is just to do the best as I can and not repeat the same mistakes again. I'm going to self-assess a situation that I think is good and then leave it behind if it's not what I really had in mind of doing. This is one of the hardest things for me to do, which is letting go of something I put a lot of thought and effort into hoping would work out.

It's time to use the big picture for me and to let that pretty much be the instantaneous and defining moments of my life. I desire so much to be able to keep pushing through even when I'm very sleepy and to have the ability to keep on learning and putting in a great effort to take advantage of a successful opportunity.

Just Considering Who

There are a lot of good ideas popping out of my head, and there's only so much time that we all have during the day. I think the best plan for me is to prepare myself just in case it's time for me to jump into a relationship. What I'm really going to need to do is just put in a little effort to go out there more and understand my own personal reasons and the needs of others while I'm just constantly learning while being rejected by countless girls. I think I should try asking out the women I think are really more worthwhile to me in getting to know. However, it looks like of all my life, I haven't really found anyone perfectly suited for me.

I guess being appealed to a girl's pretty appearance really threw me off for awhile, but now with a little bit bigger mind, it doesn't really get to me that much anymore. I guess a lady who hasn't really had that big of a crazy or weird past, while being absolutely healthy with hardly any health issues while having a personality that I can really enjoy being around and be attracted to would be the type of girl I want to fall in love with.

Other than that, I am down to hang out with just about any girl I meet; I don't care about judging someone's appearance but going out with someone pretty is sort of a confidence booster for me, to be honest! I want to seriously try to go after a girl who appeals to me and not really mind if she ends up rejecting me.

Laying Insecurities Aside

From my experience of having brought in the A's and achieving some physical moment that I feel good about like losing a lot of weight, it's really been about toughing it out during the indiscernible moments of indecision and insecurities. If I pulled through those times, then what I was struggling to become started to feel more like second nature.

I'm pretty much saying that no matter what's going on the inside and no matter how it feels like things are dragging you down, you really have to just stay consistent with what you're working at in order to achieve the good prize you have been longing to get. Of course, it's easy to become really immature all of a sudden and then start feeling really impatient and impulsive about getting somewhere and then ending up all over the place.

I think it's really all about focusing on the more important things first and accepting where your shortcomings are and then doing the best you can to overcome those obstacles.

Sweet Revelations

I'm not currently fully focused on this blog right now because I'm listening to a track right now. Essentially, I'm trying to write while setting it on auto-pilot and listening to something at the same time. This is after all my own free time. I've finally learned and came to accept that I've done nothing wrong to a weird and crazy group that I've been revisiting over and over again. However, I can't really do anything about it because the majority of them no longer occupy the place they were at. In other words, I can't really reach them to settle things down with them anymore. Oh well, you win some and lose some.

I'm understanding how I could develop some persuasive and communication skills with these people. I was frustrated a great deal from not understanding how to resolve the problem. I took it upon myself to become a solution-orientated person; what I believe to be an ideal solution is where both sides become happy! I'm a very finicky and demanding person when it comes to the realm of feelings. For the longest time, I felt diffident from feeling that I wronged this crazy group but now, I realize that I didn't anything wrong to them. If I did something really wrong, then the law would have got involved by now and I never broke any law; despite their attempts to get me in trouble with police, I never went to jail. With their assertions, they are wrong about the whole thing; it's just their own preferences of desiring to feel insecure and something being problematic, while there really isn't any problem to begin with. Therefore, with me trying to bring it into their attention, I'm not really doing anything wrong.

No matter what others tell me now, I know the situation more than anyone now and how I didn't do anything wrong. I was just afraid of lashing out at these people and feeling bad about it because that's what I have traditionally done. However, my involvement with them initially wasn't really problematic at the beginning; they can't really confirm it with concrete evidence and are only going based off of hearsay. Basically, with the crazy people who already left, I can't do anything about it and hope they turn it around mentally eventually even if it's a lost cause now; it's beyond my power to change their insanity now.

No one really cares about them ideally in the sense of the big picture. The law isn't going to change for them and because of what they thought and how the majority really acts, they were just being crazy and abnormal with me. No one really cares about how crazy they were being too or that's how it really seems now. I'm ready to move on and I'm no longer bothered by those people who left but with the ones, who still occupy the location, I think I can improve my persuasive and communication skills with them until they also decide to run away from me. I now am fully confident with everything I am doing, I am not doing anything wrong and they are just bringing up false and misleading judgments about me.

The challenge I made to them to prove they were crazy is very ballsy. I told them if I'm doing anything wrong so much to the point they can't handle it and think I'm doing wrong, then have them send me to authority; otherwise, they are just being crazy with me the way they just are at the moment. Since nothing bad happened to me, they are totally being stupid and crazy with me. Also, it shows that the world in the big picture doesn't really care for them and that they want to be stuck in their comfort zone without expanding it.

Appreciating Discipline

I'm starting to see how the little effort I put into something will seriously make a helpful impact, such as brushing and flossing my teeth on a daily basis. It only takes a few minutes each day while I'm practically 3/4 asleep after coming home from work at night. I work the 2nd shift from about 2 to 11 pm; the days feel like it drags sometimes because the work isn't really what I have in mind of doing for the rest of my life but I really just want to learn a lot and help out. I can't complain because it brings in a paycheck and my work ethic of being on-time has become very strong!

The discipline of doing something everyday I have set my mind to doing is basically building upon myself, even though it becomes a little uncomfortable sometimes. I'm starting to not feel so sheepish anymore from doing the stuff I really enjoy doing. I just need to keep a strong impression on myself and to stay committed. I guess I want to be committed to a lot of things and sometimes, I have been just sitting there watching T.V. It's a little better these days from playing my piano and working out on a daily basis, but I want to keep adding on and improving onto things now.

Getting Very Quiet Responses

I think I have some really good buddies who are guys and maybe just one girl. It's actually pretty cool. I don't know what I'm really fretting about lately but the things that are going on my head are actually a little abnormal! Wow, I think I'm really putting up a pretty egotistical blog and maybe, I was never really aware of it all this time. I don't even attract any actual normal responses from anyone. I'm just not anyone special whose just doing his own thing.

This is how I feel I really am in this world. I am leading a life that is very different from what normally attracts people. I don't really get in anyone's way, but there was a weird group who tried to get in my way for not liking something about me and then absolutely trying to make me feel bad while going on trying to live their own happy lives. Consequently, I guess with the way things have been for them; they practically don't hang together anymore. In a way, I am convinced now that I did absolutely nothing wrong to them; neither did I really annoy them. It's because they were just being crazy.

Not Caring About Rejection

Okay, I'm starting to get used to those mushy feelings one would get at the fear of being rejected. I can take the pain and know that if the girl of my liking doesn't want to be with me then I'm not going to hold it against her no matter how much I love her. I guess when one is truly in love then he or she would want the other person to be happy; otherwise, maybe it was love based on conditional factors.

One of my friends felt betrayed and had his heart-broken when a girl he liked initiated a relationship with him but then decided to go to another man later. If it were to happen to me then no matter how hurt I was, I would do my best to get over it and not keep me from staying positive. Actually, I prefer trying to date women who would be very upfront about what they don't like about me before they tried to end the relationship. That's pretty much the best way I can think of to learn about what type of person I really am.

Being Committed To Right Places

I think it makes a lot of sense to be committed to something a person likes doing. It's really rough sometimes when the timing just isn't right or if the person just isn't that good at it. I guess I wasn't really born with any superb talent, neither am I fully capable of being God. I think it's just better for me to start thinking about my actions and committing to them before things are too late. Instead of delaying, I should just get right into what I'm setting out to do and accept the consequences even if it's not the best thing for me.

I want to flow with movement and do everything very smoothly as possible. I guess I'm going to have to rely a little bit on natural emotions now and go from there. Let's see where I go from there now.

Finding What You Love To Do

Repeating some actions are starting to get really old. I don't really want to give into them anymore. I would rather spend my time doing something else now. Possibly surely by playing a number's game, things might actually pan out really well in the end. Through diligence and putting in a lot of effort, I think those are the things that matter so much more.

What I'm really grateful for is having found a very simple answer from a good person. It's what I really needed, and I don't know how that person was able to reach down into my heart and impart some good words to me. I guess it's by fate that God might have allowed or something with us having similar personalities and outlook. What she reminded me is that I should be looking for a solution instead of focusing on the problem. I really like that mindset and that's how I'm really going to go after living my life, so I can move forward.

Going After Opportunities That Make Sense

I believe that I will have the most passion in a job that will let me get my feet wet with the medical field. I'm not saying I want to become a nurse, but I would prefer becoming a physician's assistant. Time is ticking, so I'm going to have start attempting to jump on the band wagon as much as possible now. Another thing that I believe I can work a pretty decent level of professional talent is the I.T. industry. Right now, I think the best opportunity to train myself in is really in the network engineering category. I do prefer programming, but I'm not motivated enough to stick with my own personal ideas on what I should program. I think I can guarantee myself some interviews for a networking consultant job, so might as well go for that direction because more interviews and practice of gaining knowledge in the field will increase the chances of obtaining a job!

What I have as a last resort is pretty much a grinder's job, but it works. I could drive a freight truck around the nation because I have a license for it already from a leading company in the industry with the experience to pass an on-the-road test! Man, it feels good. Because I'm in the family business these days at another company, it's a little bit easier on the home time. I will definitely see a boost in my income on auto-pilot if I could pull off learning another foreign language, so I'm going to make the effort for that and who knows, I might meet someone special there too.

The principles I'm going to stick to is pretty simple. I'm going to concentrate on the stuff that makes sense for me and leave out the excess that's taking away my time especially for making a living- I'm not going to be an online gambler in other words anymore; what I hate about it, is having to spend the time grinding it out and having to deal with the stress of losing large sums of money. If I'm going to waste my money, then might as well be for attempting to find leisure like a dating site or something. My preference for investing on the side is really going to be for stuff that I could just set up and let it do the work for me; I'm going to not mind the hard work I put into it to reach that state of professionalism now. I have enough money to burn supposedly now with the offerings that are out there! No refund after a trial means no go to me now, and I don't care about breaking those hearts who want to help me so badly in getting success now.

Basically, with my time the stuff I'm going after for a living is network engineering in the I.T. field and to become a physician's assistant with added bonuses like learning another foreign language. For a side business, I'm going for low maintenance of a business website and commercial ads I put up while doing very little at investing in stocks, but right now I'm just specialized in currency trading. Yes, I am all over the place and can't help myself. I think the reason for a system that works on its own is the reason why I love programming software so much too.

Using Hard Work Properly

Right now with the situation I am and being considerably a young adult, I'm getting feelings of wanting to settle down with a good person. I have a lot that I need to still work on with myself, but it feels like all I really have to do is just flip the switch and keep it left on. My anxiety and panic attacks really kept me from excelling at anything, but I had the brains and determination to slide by a few corners and still manage to do enough to get by.

I notice that when I least expect it in certain places, I get these opportunities that I tend to overlook. Like there was this beautiful girl who came into my life, okay, it probably happened about four times already but I sort of turned them all down because I had too much anxiety within myself. I don't know what it is but sometimes from being so anti-social for awhile and then trying to work at becoming social again without offending anyone will turn on some females I guess. Maybe, I'm just not cut out yet to be married but I did start casual dating which isn't really anything but just strangers hanging out with each other and spilling whatever needs to be said. I've met some pretty weird females that way, but yeah, they were nice enough to tell me their life stories and answer a few personal questions without feeling offended which is what I liked a lot!

Avoiding Wasting Time

I think everybody needs to have something they could work on consistently and be very passionate about. This activity should also be able to provide for a family and be ethically legal. I'm talking about a job where a person could wake up and feel passionate about doing every day and have no problems with. I understand that most people have setbacks and won't be lucky enough to get to that position right away. This is why I believe that most of us start out roughnecking with any position we could get our hands and feet wet on.

With my parents emphasizing me not to work at all and just focus on studies and to tell me that I don't need real world experience while studying at a well-recognized school was not really the best advice I could get. I really regret listening to some of my parent's advice because I thought they really knew best. They are also weird at times and act like they can't get along with each other while behaving like little kids. Yet, they manage to turn into adults and stay together still. I am naturally ticked off thinking about how my mom was bossing me around because her advice didn't naturally increase my own welfare. I just have this tendency to submit to others' will without caring for my own future sometimes, and I think that's what leads to my downfall with them. Not like it had to matter so much because the bigger picture is what we were refusing to see all this time.

I think I'm born to fight for a position in being a leader of some people's lives who want to influence me in their own right image. This would mean that I have to really up my game by actually investing my time in figuring out things that actually do make sense and benefit mostly everyone.

Personal Earnings Theory

This is pretty much how I'm thinking of functioning. For a business model, I like what's called a set and go model. I'm not really a finicky type person and don't really want to hang around while watching profits soar into my account. I would rather let the system of my choosing do the work for me while I go off on doing something else. I guess this is what I could call my side business. Reaching this set and go model which is pretty much earning money on auto-pilot is sort of like putting in twenty years of hard work and then living off a decent pension. What I have been missing all this time is discerning where I should put my money into. I'm now giving myself into a little trial and error just like everybody else interested does.

Having no full time job back then made it so difficult because my mind was not very stable and comfortable about doing some risky side businesses. It was very hard for me to even keep myself motivated. I'm passed all of that now and at least exceeding end's meet by a little with where I'm at. I'm still not satisfied with myself though, so I'm going after putting in the work needed to reap the auto-pilot rewards. I guess that would make sense then for a normal person.

Not Very Well Recognized

I think the whole restraining order thing got me some notoriety or something. I am about getting along with people, so now that I see it, I'm actually okay being a person in their life who comes around and makes everybody else laugh at the person. No, I'm serious about not giving into my own anger problems and letting those feelings go.

Still, I have friends I can go to. I also have the liberty to search and join new clubs. With the exception of a one crazy group of friends I should have taken notice of right away, I have usually fared okay around people. The reason why I fell out is because I didn't commit myself to getting along with others back then. I was just fed up and tired of myself and exhausted from not being able to develop myself in a manner that I wanted. It was really just all about me back then.

I don't know how I transformed into a normal person again, but definitely, I'm a little wiser than before in my decisions. I still make tiny mistakes with myself over and over again, but I'm discovering where my potential lies hold at.

Message For Unintelligent Facebook Friends

I wrote this message to a girl I supposedly like as a friend. I'm just getting my point across now because even though I get angry and sensitive, my heart is about getting along with people so that overrides everything. This is my message I sent to her while posing as a female. I don't know, I can create multiple Facebook accounts, but I opted to have a cute female for my profile just to mess around. The message is as follows:

Hey, I know you are rooming with someone. I know that you are going to show this message to some people. I don't know who, but judging you, you are going to do that, so if I'm predicting right about your behavior, then it means I know you in an okay manner. It's only taking me a minute to write this and five minutes to check for proper grammar. You have me blocked on Facebook so might as well joke around until you get scared for the smallest reasons because you probably will become obnoxious like that. With me calling you and asking you out, talking to you, or trying to do something like take pictures with you and telling you how I thought Washington was being a dog and an idiot doesn't mean I hate you and want to hurt you. It's quite the opposite.

Man, you are not so bright with your ADHD which you said and man, you stress out so much sometimes. You are a girl and quite annoying to me like the way you are right now, but I'm about getting along with everybody so those bad feelings I have, I don't give into them. This is how I know I'm pretty above average in the part of getting along with people. I am better than you in that I have removed 0 friends and blocked 0 friends who I have on my Facebook list of friends. You have at least probably blocked out a dozen. You have with me, so that means I can confirm I'm better than you by at least one. With the thought of getting along with you, you aren't the worst of the bunch and in fact, I like you as a friend so hope to cross paths with you someday. Maybe, I'll be recording your obnoxious responses with me and put it up on YouTube or something so everyone else can coach themselves how to handle crazy girls, even though you don't think you are being crazy at the moment. Who knows?

Truth About My Restraining Order From A Friend

Wanted to just fit in. I got mad because he was talking trash in a bitter voice about people in general. Wanted to still fit in, so I stayed quiet. He told me I was cool. He gave me a good job that was really stressful. I was being yelled at by people I called. I was in a bad mood. I was there for awhile; he made fun of my work performance. I proved him wrong; he got a bonus for having referred me after six months. I went to church with another good friend. He's a good friend but not super slick with the right girl yet.  

The friend at work told me he didn't want drama at the church. I didn't understand him- what drama? I kept doing my thing; he complained again about drama at the church. I became angry and wrote him off on a new blog but made him still look good. I covered my anger by making him look good. He kept on saying drama at the church and getting more worse. I was always like what drama? I wrote to the people at the church, only about five nice people at the time. He said that it was all over and to stop talking to him. I was like what's going on? 

Next thing the other good friend became a mediator. The good friend told me the friend at work was calming down. I made a mistake, I called him and left a bad message. The friend at work started losing it and said everything was ironic about me. I acted like nothing happened and everything would go away. He gave me a great job. Everything I do, I will make him look good. That's what I do for people who helped me out, I do the best for them. 

The good friend who was mediator chose my side more. It made the friend at work very angry. The friend at work said he was no longer friends with my good friend. I became very angry, a 10 out of 10. Nobody is supposed to dump another friend because of hating me. I drove to his house, the roommate's girlfriend brought him out. He came out with tears on his face. I gave a dirty look to him; he turned around and went back to his room. I just stood there and was like what? He came back out again with the phone on his ear; I was like big deal. He slowly walked back to his room and then I chased after him. He sped up, went to his room, and then locked his door. I was like dang it! I yelled and said "Don't ever talk about me again!" He didn't listen. Roommate was laughing and going like what's going on? I left the house.

Few days later, cop shows up and hands restraining order to me. I was so sad, felt so guilty, was like I did something wrong. I felt the worst like I made a horrible mistake. I knew I would beat him in court, but I didn't want to win. He gave me a job; I had to make him look good. I wanted to fit in with everybody. I was like let him do whatever he wants. I believed he would stop the restraining order; he didn't and went on laughing with his business. I was crushed and devastated. 

On the day, it officially started, I bought him a nice gift and card and put it on his desk. He was smiling at me. He looked at the message- it was a bad message. His face turned sour. He came running to my cubicle and slammed the gift onto the desk. He said in a loud and agitated voice, "Keep everything work-related!" That's all the court order said, "Keep it work-related." 

He had to work with me one day. In my head, I was like no way, I can't talk to you and go away. He left messages saying pretty please and to do something for him. I was like no in my head! I finally sent him an e-mail and said be careful what pops out of the file. He got scared and couldn't work for a long time. He sent the e-mail to the manager. The manager said "Keep everything work-related!" I was like "Yes sir! Yes sir!" the whole time. The friend at work left one day; I felt bad after three more months. I had a friend who gave me a job. I had to make him look good. I had failed so bad. I was very depressed. My excuse to leave work was to continue education. 

Marching Forward

I'm going to try to stop crashing at the couch. It's starting to feel silly waking up while having felt unconscious and forgetting what I was doing right after coming back home. I'm noticing that I'm wasting a good three hours of time watching T.V. when I could be spending that time on doing something even more rigorous and challenging and to let my brain be tested by doing boring and lonely activities.

It's really hard for me to change in this area of not being lazy and becoming fully motivated to do something I perceive to be good but boring. When I'm home, I just feel tired and not in the mood anymore. It seems like my personal nature is holding me back and I just need to make the constant strive. My strive is that it's really bumpy and I think some people probably feel it in other ways I don't know how and then end up not really wanting to be a friend. Honestly, I think they are just being a pest without them even knowing what's bothering them. I'm going to have to constantly make improvements with myself and stay on a consistent path. I don't see it a problem in that I want to still get along with everyone now and will use my anger of seeing something wrong to my advantage now. I'm going to bust it out now because it makes me put my best foot forward.

Have Some Ground To Pick Up

I think this is something that I'm really dedicated to doing for fun while is just writing whatever is in my head. I guess I could come across as an evil person with a secret agenda if I wanted to now that I've been practicing on here. Yet, I don't really have that much of an audience on here and I don't really feel special. I think when I do receive the adoration from some crowd, I end up feeling a little nervous. I don't really like being in the spotlight so that's probably one of the reasons I didn't let my natural brains and talents develop the way I regret not doing now.

I had a lot of emotional issues that were never resolved, and now I see that in me so that's probably what people didn't catch but I don't really need to get any help for those personal issues now because it's something I deal within my own self on a daily basis now.

Feeling Sheepish

One girl I hung out with or dated at Disneyland, whichever, told me that she doesn't like guys who are very sheepish. Okay, so I'm not trying to be really sheepish at heart these days because I'm pretty interested in her. I think I need to be more comfortable within myself and be able to resolve these personal issues that I have been more drawn to. I think I have been really drawn to most of my life in keeping to myself. 

Who knows, maybe this blog has a slight affect in weeding out potential friends I could have had. Maybe I come across as too much to be considered a good friend or maybe they just want to be real with me and just remove as a friend even though they kept me on there and then later feel like, they have something to pick themselves up later. 

Maybe from people having a fit with me, they use it in a way as a training wheel to be good to other people. The way I see it is that there are consequences, and there will be things in life one can be ignorant about to make themselves happy. Basically, this one dumb pastor from long ago gave a sermon on how to be happy, and I think his main point that he was beating the bush around while trying to use Bible verses was to say that ignorance is bliss! Without understanding and being able to deal with the pains and anger in life, there can't be understanding in how to live a full and meaningful life while appreciating the people around us God has allowed for us to share resources and to bond with. 

Need To Shower

What I was doing today in the morning was working out really hard and then sweating so much, my sweat is like buried under my skin right now or just evaporated. Actually, all I really did was just run about 2.5 miles and it really felt like a short time passed by. I'm starting to not really tire so much from running a pretty vigorous pace as I used to in the beginning. I've been looking to run at a pretty constant pace.

It seems like I'm not creating a spark in anybody really, but I do have some good friends interested in doing some stuff with me every once in awhile. I guess that's a good thing about me in that I'm not fully alone. I'm just an ordinary short guy whose trying to outsmart the odds as usual and bust some brain caps open while aggravating some people who are not that very bright and seem to be doing better than I am. I'm chasing after something more meaningful than them and it really starts from the self.

Funny Observation

I don't know if I really want to be jealous or anything but some comments that some people put down don't even appeal to me and it seems like they attract a lot of people into their lives. Like on Facebook when I write something that I think is really funny, I don't get any likes sometimes. Whereas if someone puts their's down, I'll hit the like button if I think it's funny. Maybe I come across as trying too hard or something.

Anyhow I'm not really trying anymore and as a result I've been losing more Facebook friends at a really slow rate but I notice that it hasn't dwindled down by much and I also know more people who might accept me as a friend and to increase my count, but I'm not really in the mood for that right now.

Starting To Challenge Obnoxious Behavior

I'm starting to pretty much adopt the habit of telling people who have gone rogue for a little while and telling me that I need to get help to feel free in calling the mental hospital for me and letting the professionals take me in if I need to and that I am constantly working at being stable and know the boundaries of what would put me in a mental hospital and that's not what I really do. Next step is to pretty much tell them, where are the professionals and then to also ask them why don't they always act crazy when I do other stuff that I know would bug them but in this case it does. It then comes down to say that it's because we are compatible to be around each other. After all, they are just wasting their whole time being obnoxious with me.

The best way to get everything I described above out of the way and into a decent relationship with this person who also seems to be well with others and being successful in living his or her life is to just treat them like you are going to ask them just to hang out with them and then bring up your issues on the person. What I have as a secret weapon is my personal anger for hating unfair actions that some people do and for being able to use that fire to my advantage. I'm going to start busting it out now because I'm really confident with the person I really am and with everything I have done.

Ignoring Halloween

For some reason, Halloween is not really my time to be happy because it's still a work day. It's interesting how evil holidays like Halloween is sort of overlooked by the United States. The kids don't stay home and people still go to work. All they do is just dress up in costume and try to scare everybody silly. It's starting to become a really boring holiday from being desensitized. I guess that's how some things are- you are just in the moment then after engaging in an act, you become even more desensitized and then start feeling bad about it.

Honestly, I think that the best way to deal with someone misbehaving with you in your personal standard is to pretty much just hang out with him or her and then start bringing up issues and playing some tricks to outplay their conscience. It's like when everything is going according to plan, whatever the person says to you just didn't matter and is like a small speck of pain in the neck to you.

I don't know what happened but I guess I'm comfortable to be pretty open about myself so might as well just let it out. It seems like I'm a really funny person and don't seem to be much of anybody and from that some people just get bothered by it for whatever reason they want to hold on to.

Putting Something Down

I think I am going to be sacrificing a little bit quality in my writing here for a little bit. Besides, I'm honored that I'm getting some hits from anonymous surfers. I think from the controversy which is mainly people having been obnoxious with me, I'm getting some hits on here. They were obnoxious with me because I didn't care to listen to their advice, and I guess it's human nature to turn weird after disregarding someone's intention of trying to help you.

I'm starting to think now that the best way to make something happen is to sort of conceal it from the crowd and be a little elusive about it. It's just my old self feeling his way around again. It's just that I'm more comfortable than ever with who I really am now and can be confident in what I am about.

The thing is though the way I acted in the past to get what I wanted was really selfish and ignorant. Truly, I am still considered a great overall when everything is over but now from having truly gained what I needed, I think I'm ready to do the micro-managing work required in order to succeed at what I have to do.

Hard To Put In The Effort

I am starting to see how bad I am at carrying out a task. I think I'm just not motivated enough and feel like being lazy and just crashing on the couch while watching T.V. and then letting that put me to sleep. It's so weird because one time I had a roommate who did the same thing and became annoying because he was a little hard of hearing and would put the T.V. on so loud and then start snoring while falling asleep.

I was in the room next door and couldn't stand it! Maybe, I should have invested in some noise canceling headphones and got used to sleeping with it on then I wouldn't worry so much. I guess sometimes we need to brainstorm and improvise with the situations we are in and do the best way we can for our personal welfare sometimes.

Valuable Thoughts

I need to start shaping up and stop being an idiot. Looks like my feelings play a role where I want to find this physical pleasure, and I am like so dependent on it. In the jungle that's out there, it could get you in a lot of trouble. I really need to think with my brain first now before doing something like that. I'm going to try to teach myself how to survive while being deprived of basic pleasures and to figure out who to stay a human in all of its ways that man can portray himself.

I'm pretty much so stupid for all the things I've done. Because I'm a guy and with the way I am, I guess that qualifies me as a pretty scary person to look out for in the future. It's like I'm going to be like the person others think like "What hit me all of a sudden?" A song from Jimmy Eats World pretty much says just do your best and everything will be well. I think it just means to think positive all the time, no matter how others portray you and from what you've done or said, even if it kills you from others seeing it all wrong.

Whoa

I might actually be a lot better at being the decision maker in a team. Pretty much, I like listening to many different suggestions and then calling the shots. I seem to be pretty prolific at that for some reason. Now the hard part is going to be finding out how I'm going to be doing my thing.

I'm totally realizing now thanks to my buddy showing me some YouTube videos on dating that it might actually be sort of a number's game and taking rejection might really be part of going on the journey to finding the right person. It just doesn't feel good, or maybe it's something that can't fit and looks like a waste of time to even try to tap. I'm not really worried about rejection anymore, neither am I down on the dumps over the thought of it now.

It really doesn't matter to me why a woman would reject me on the spot, if she never wanted someone else to love, which would be just too obvious. I don't care if it's about my personality or appearance now, but I would just like to know for each one I go to, before I can start factoring what I can and can't do by myself to be not out of line. I'm going to just start asking in a relaxed manner now;  I'm no longer holding so many disappointed feelings underneath me- it's like I'm totally ready to go on an adventure to find the woman to settle down with. Also, I really don't care about their appearance and really more about their personality now- I'm looking for someone who likes the outdoors quite a bit and to go places with friends and to just chill and is also pretty fly with participating in a lot of things, while seeing almost eye to eye with me. I'm physically aggressive and really like to relate at a personal level so I may actually need someone to be physically healthy and around my age. Wow, the appearance is so over-rated because what I just described is almost the perfect woman for me to be married to!

Solving A Huge Problem

I think I finally have the solution to my dad being so nit picky about who I marry. He told me that in his tradition, it was really the parents who decided if their son would be able to marry the girl he decides to bring home. It's a pretty funny tradition to even think about following. 

Because I'm under my parent's home still and for being an over-grown adult whose about to pass the age 30, it's time that I try to leave the house and learn to manage and live on my own. Maybe even have my own house with a dog and cat or something. The only problem that's keeping me from moving out is because I'm dreaming big and what's totally going to get me to finally settle down with just about anyone I want to confidently choose without my parents playing a role is being able to make lots of money. I don't care about appearance; heck why should I now, because I'm already a short person and not very bright like the others out there. I might be teachable and will grind out matters that feel really sensitive to me, but that's not the point now. 

The only way for me to get everything I'm looking for out of this life is really going to have to be about me working very diligently at everything now and to concentrate a lot better after I tell what I think are the funniest jokes or after worrying about not receiving some cues. My breath is like echoing that I'm not going to make it in life, and my mind is just naturally wondering off into a visually imaginative weird cataclysm of media clashing each other with that lucky celebrity stuck on my brain; man it's pretty annoying. I think I've been watching too much T.V. over all these years and from having an over-developed head, I wasted unstored brain cells for a bunch of nonsense! From where I'm supposed to be headed right now, I don't think I can afford luxuries as a distraction; I have to grind out some things in my life, just like everybody else has. The only thing I don't want to regret now is holding back my own honest statements with people directly and just constantly feeling mad about it now; I'm just going to spill it out and if it ends up with me ending up in a mental hospital then so be it because I'm not about to kill anybody for reasons that don't warrant it, neither am I going to commit other capital crimes because my morals are founded from admiring God's principles in the Holy Bible. Boy, some Christians don't read their Bibles and go off with doing their own thing which is not how God really showed Himself through Scriptures!

Meaning Well, But Not Always Received

One thing I've always had a hard time following and feeling discouraged with is how I really base my confidence in people with how they respond to me. It sucks to be left alone, and I think all the effort I make will be something that activates later in life.

While hoping for the best, if the doors can't be opened despite giving it my all, then might as well just accept how I did my best and not be disappointed from it and then do the best I can to make improvements and keep moving forward and trying again as long as I believe what I would obtain would make me happy. I have something of a love-and-hate relationship with my emotions these days; I used to hate feeling so emotional about things that I would do with people- whether it was a simple hello I said to them or went for as to ask a girl to the prom which she agreed too. Hmm, the guy said she wasn't that good looking and how she bought a dress; I asked her out knowing she needed someone to go with, and I guess that's how I try to be nice. Now that I don't care about appearances, I seriously wonder how she's doing and if she's settled down with anyone.

Toughening Up Feelings

Now, I'm just writing anything on this blog that I feel is appropriate, and it's like the words are just flowing more smoothly. I've always thought of adding pictures but that just feels so personal to put on this blog. I don't really feel right about publishing my own personal photos anymore, and I don't even want to reveal every private thing going on in my life. Nonetheless with the things I write, I do give off clues.

I hope that my endeavors on Facebook or anything I just write in the future would do its intended purpose which is just to bring positive smiles. I'm honored for the little guy that I am and the weird person I am who doesn't get the recognition he doesn't deserve, I'm just another statistic.

It's hard cold reality; very few people if they are there really do care and those people who do care, I'm actually very bad with them. I'm really lagging behind with my time. Those people are also like the most important to me too.

Not Deserving And Not Expecting Much

Even though I don't see myself as an honorary person, I'm going to do the best I can in life. I have issues with feelings underneath that make me feel so nervous sometimes. I'm placing my shoes in places where it's just nerve wrecking for me, but from the hard effort I'm putting into it these days; I've learned a few honest tricks that really help turn the tide to my favor.

Looks like for now, the only thing that's really going to put me in a decent spot now is to go through with marrying and working at it to solidify the relationship, along with having plenty of wealth. There's something that I want to accomplish on the side and see as like the highlight of my life, but honestly, going through with the intention of raising a family might be much more bigger than anything else with my own personal life.

I don't see myself as deserving of a wife of any kind; I'm a very sensitive and introverted person by nature. I'll put in the effort to keep a relationship alive and healthy but there's no guarantee for me that I'll make it happen satisfactorily. I don't want to argue with the spouse, neither do I want the annoyances that come out of her requests. This is going to be a tough one to settle for me and even if I end up failing as a loser because I just didn't put enough effort into it to find someone right or wasn't that fortunate as I would have liked to be, at least I can say that I gave it a shot and that's how the chips decided to fall.

All This Anger Inside Of Me

Man, I feel so stupid after getting out of the temporary anger. It's like a momentary fit I have while fixating on some ideas in my head. I need to do something about it. I can't just continue to let that process continually happen but do something about it.

Through managing the anger, I used to feel really depressed from feeling angry in general and that's pretty much how I was able to let it go eventually. There's always been pain associated with negative emotions for me, and it's something I don't take to heart very lightly. I remember what I did and that's pretty much I got to try again. I gave my best effort to be witty during those moments and to always place my best foot forward.

I think I'm losing what I had that made me so unique and cool in the past. It's the life style choices that I made from having wanted to be normal. No matter how much I try, there's always going to be sacrifices that I have to make.

Back With Jet Lag

Right now, my mind is just filled with thoughts of the game candy crush. I can just visualize those pieces in my head almost perfectly and make it seem like a screen that covers my vision. It's driving me a little crazy! It must be some mixture of brain chemicals to fuel the good times I had from playing the game; I guess that's a compliment for the inventors of the game.

For some odd reason, I'm physically dreaming about taking some courses over again in college because it feels like I failed to complete some classes. There's so many things that I want to do and to balance all of it out, I'm pretty much wasting my time going back on focusing with just a few things because that's all I have the time for. What I think I might be good at is being patient long-term and then improvising even though I am scared underneath.

Raising Effort

I am a pretty weird person. I do a lot of terrorizing with the weirdest people and then shut myself off as a person with the crowd. I am so self-absorbed and sensitive, along with mainly being a time waster. I lack so much discipline and have issues with my own personal feelings. I'm not someone who deserves to be in a relationship with anyone.

I lack so much talent with people, and I am not really that appealing to many people. Surely, I've come quite a long ways to get a few people genuinely pretty cool with me, and I'm really grateful about that. I'm only close with a few guys and with one girl. Hey, that's not bad after all. I don't know, maybe it's performance anxiety or something.

Man, I am such a bad person underneath and so insufficient. That's just how I feel most of the time but it doesn't really affect my confidence anymore as it used to. Everything is going for me not so smoothly and that's how it's always going to be for me. I'm okay with the thought of being a little depressed and working hard at the same time.

Humbling Myself

Last night, I did some things that a typical man journeys into but instead of feeling like a wreck which is how most intelligent men feel from getting a type of mental hangover, I was actually feeling quite proud and confident of my current biological status. Okay, that settles it, no more giving into feeding an ego that I already know is strong and no need to go after tempting myself in overcompensating and looking like an idiot later in another social group.

The only thing about me is that I'm physically short, and I feel sad and want to try cry about it sometimes but then again, I'm always trying to laugh it off these days. Laughter is great medicine for an ailing soul! Because my parents for some odd reason think I'm a sociopath whenever I make silent laughter that's pretty obvious to them, I'm trying to laugh off these issues in my own head without showing my true emotions on the surface of my actual face!

Because I don't cry whenever I'm sad, it seems like that expression I give off in my face is what my parents find the most acceptable in. They don't want me to complain to them or else they'll think I'm crazy. It's absolutely funny but at the same time, a pain to have to deal with. Oh well, I'm getting better at personally resolving these things internally. It looks like I've gained so much true confidence these days, but I'm really taking my time with finding someone to love and settle down with still. The saying goes, love conquers all. For me, it pretty much means that if my parents complain about something shallow or small and disapprove of a future girlfriend and we both end up loving each other, then I'm going to disregard them about those things. Might as well labor hard and make a lot of money so my parents come to me for financial support and won't say much if I threaten to leave their sight because they are being so shallow!  

Getting Sidetracked

I'm finding myself distracted from going back to the same old ways that I thought I settled already. I'm enjoying my personal space and time just way too much. I get a lot of personal time to myself from being the person I am, so whenever I get hollered at by a friend, guy or girl, I just get all giddy inside and excited about hanging out.

I'm also very cautious and won't go out of my way for someone also, so I guess I'm not really into being trapped with those addictive feelings some guys have when chasing after cute skirts. It really looks like I need to start concentrating a little better because I'm a lot slower than I used to be. I used to be like being brave in going through the motions of life, but now I'm just looking at how things make some reasonable sense. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a good person and to settle down with a drama free lady whose been brought up well, too.

I'm going to occasionally slip up with my personal and egotistical expectations, but my commitments with people look like they're pretty huge to the point, I wouldn't break an agreement unless it became invalid from a Biblical standpoint. What I notice from God-worshiping freaks sometimes is how they don't really read their Bibles and go off tangent with some wacky and unappealing beliefs. They base their lives so much on being emotionally stable from doing something questionable. Take for instance, those scammers who make a living lying about themselves and offer a richer scheme for paying a service fee. Some of them feel they are doing God a great service for their fellow countrymen by messing with the Americans who destroyed their economy!

Holding Back Out of Manner

I realize that some people are ultra sensitive and while trying to mean well, they will side with one thing so greatly while overlooking many different possibilities. This means that if a guy who is very witty at twisting fate pops up in their lives then those people are just going to become so mad at the person and not want anything to do with him, while continuing to be brats in other areas.

I realize that I am a guy who can twist fate into his own favor through the way I am in my personal actions. I learned and finally understood the past problems that were bugging me. I was just frustrated from being shy with girls and as a result, what I did ended up scaring the people who thought they were trying to help me. The good thing is that nobody really cares in general what I did and that they were just being a little too sensitive. Even though I could bring it back up again, I don't think I should provoke them into a shouting match or losing debate which I know I can win either way now.

I'm just going to do this out of moral respect for people. If they decide to bring it back up with me, then I will most likely engage them in a hearty debate. Basically, for the lady, if she takes offense to it and I have no defense at the time and then later find all I need, I won't go at her to make her feel stupid. If she decides to bring it back up again, then I will have the proper defense to present. In general, I'm not going to be the one to hound down all the nice and happy facts I have gathered to enrich my life to show off with all my antagonists. I'm not going to initiate any more things but if they decide to bring up something against me then I will do what I desire to do out of just self-defense. Basically, it's like a mental sheath with a literary sword that I have developed and can metaphorically draw at any moment to combat people with stupid accusations or bad ideas.

Last Forex System

These days my mind is capable of paying attention and motivated at learning new things I'm interested with obtaining. Taking that into consideration, I now have a full system developed that is catered to my personal style. Looks like I will always definitely be a swing trader meaning that I will desire to hold my trades for at least a few days to a week. 

The thing I have learned to utilize is just simply support/resistance, risk to reward ratio, candlesticks, and the news. The first three things are pretty much the meat of my system. The other indicators I have added pretty much help me draw conclusions with the market, but candlesticks will ultimately confirm everything I can pick up with the indicators. I'm pretty much looking forward to making a living off of this and then spending my time doing other healthy goals.

Managing Bad Mood

I'm starting to have this natural drive to let my moods of frustration from inconsistencies I find after communicating with my own mother, whose been trying to control me often, to just keep going with where I'm supposed to be headed in life. It's pretty crazy because even though I'm angry or frustrated about the little things underneath, I don't express it in a scary way anymore for others and can laugh it off now. The effort that I'm making feels tremendous but it's like I'm on a happy journey to the other side of the rainbow.

On the other hand, I like to personally laugh at a lot of things with the situations I find myself in. It really bugs my parents because they feel embarrassed having to call me their son when I act that way near them. My dad even told me that no one cares how weird I am being when it comes to silent laughter and that I'm so crazy that I need to get help when I make an aggressive statement against him. It's pretty funny and makes me laugh even more underneath. What I told him was that if he ever made a call to a mental hospital, and they managed to drag me into it then I would accept it. I also said that I can function in society just fine and can justify and defend myself. After that, my dad started laughing like a maniac which was funny and a little disturbing at the time but then yeah, I saw that he was mocking me but I embraced it so much in a natural sense that my dad looked very foolish.

My bad moods can get me chewing out people without me raising my voice at them. I am steaming on the inside but calm and collected and fully opened up about expressing myself. I lose my lack of uncertainty and let anything that I'm holding inside out, no matter how unsubtle those words become; it becomes my state of honesty with how I'm feeling. Like with my mom, I was telling her how I don't want to get married and how I wasn't born right while I was mad at her and said it in a convincing manner that really bugged her. That's really how I was feeling at the time too, even though I'm laughing about it right now. I ended up chewing out my dad and little sister also on our trip in Asia even though they might be intellectually smarter than me. The thing I think I have more is that I'm more passionate and dedicated to sticking to good manners when I'm bugged the heck out with something than they are. They'll start getting so cantankerous and annoying when they are annoyed and be nagging with their loud, obnoxious voices; I really hate being that way, so I don't do it; I just stay in one calm, collected manner and what's been helpful from writing these days is that I feel that things are making more sense for me.

Managing Letdowns

I'm pretty fortunate that I haven't been hurt too bad over some incidents except for feeling really crushed, frustrated, and sad over perceiving I became rejected. All of that is now funny for me, and I do realize that girls are sensitive too and will try to let you down easy because they don't want to look like the bad guy, unless you make them really mad over some things.

The female emotion can get really overwhelming for the girl when a guy is pursuing after her. Some dumb guys like my buddy's brother don't get it when the girl is saying no to him and will jump to the conclusion that she's interested in him right away when he perceives a positive, happy moment over something accesory to a relationship. He even describes every encounter with only the positives and leaves out the bad things because he doesn't want to be laughed at and feels that he has a trump card which is the constellation prize of feeling their hands and arms. He only talks about that and he hasn't had a successful relationship and not even dated anyone yet. No one is helping him because his brother and I are like the only ones who really can support his decisions; I'm not supporting him and will never resort to doing it- I strongly believe that he's got to make everything happen on his own, no matter how many challenges he is facing.

I think a lot of timid male friends I know have an issue with facing a possible letdown head up; they have a fear of rejection and haven't made a strong commitment yet to puruse after a stable and lasting relationship. Like my married friend says, the worst they can say to you is "No." Meaning that you still have time to yourself to do other things to distract yourself with like working out or doing something you like in your personal time. I was depressed the whole time from never fully reaching in my gut to ask some girls out; I started out with girls I wasn't fully interested in and a few of them actually gave a bite and that's where I realized that they're doing it to be a good friend. I later found that I'm actually interested in those girls who went out with me, and I find them to be really cute and attractive in a way too, but I'm definitely okay with being a good friend; it feels nice to be in that position also. Maybe, one of these days, as I get more information from a girl I decide to hang out or date more often with, I'll want to form a relationship with her and maybe, we'll be able to hit it off and end up being just another married couple.

Overall, it feels like a natural process that just comes together all of a sudden and whoever you end up with, is something you are going to have to work out and deal with. The personality and flaws of a person you marry can cause a ripple effect and come crashing down if you don't manage the relationship and communicate effectively.

Relaxing With Significant Time To Kill

I've watched this T.V. show about relationships and the attractive female star of the show said that guys being attracted to a girl's physical appearance is primal and very important to developing a relationship with the soul mate. She then gives typical advice on how the guy shouldn't focus on certain body parts of a woman he's dating right away and that he should manage a reasonable amount of eye contact; it must make some women feel awkward and unattended to while making a self-note that the guy isn't ready for a truly self-fulfilling commitment to a great relationship- basically, the guy might look at other girls too and give the girl he's dating the wrong impression even though the guy wants to selfishly get perverted and mental pleasure out of staring at eye candy and still keep the one he's with!

I'm starting to think that communicating your desires fully no matter how crazy or offended the girl may become is the best way to eventually work something out with the right person. Just holding it back and being shy about it isn't going to make the situation any better no matter how much effort you put into the little things with the person, like just greeting her. That's so funny some people butted into my personal relationships with girls and became angry or scared when their advice wasn't panning out the way it did and made the situation worse because I wasn't listening to them. They turned out to be morally wrong and it had pretty bad consequences for them, meaning they ran away from the crowd they originally sided with. It got really that crazy for them and they panicked a whole lot underneath. I was a really scary person to them because I became frustrated over my shyness with some strange female Christians.

Learning Good Stuff

Over my vacation, I've seen some wonderful and beautiful scenery in South Korea. Their history that I've been influenced with is how they went from zero to a leading nation in the world over a fast period of time right after the Korean War. It was their true diligence marked by a great vision in their leaders that led to this fantastic result!

From this history lesson, I've took upon myself to learn a moral lesson. To be successful in life, you got to have a dream and then work very hard at it. It's really about having a strong conviction in what you believe that would make you happy and then purusing after it through hard work. If you become happy with what you accomplished overall after pouring your heart into it, then that's what it means to be successful.

Making Up My Mind

I'm not really a very hard-nosed person because I always like to keep my heart open to chances, no matter how big or small the situation is. Therefore, it is sometimes easy for others to convince me to do stuff over the little things; I'm not very closed off to those types of situations. One possible reason is because I value company from others and when I sat out once, I felt like a complete wretch and left out of a group even though they didn't hold anything against me. It's probably something I've have had a hard time getting over.

Nonetheless, I haven't been swayed into alcoholism or doing drugs by others because I'm really not into potentially harming my body when there are already cheaper, healthier, and more pleasurable alternatives out there, even though they may require a lot of effort to obtain sometimes. So yeah, I am pretty hard-nosed when it comes to some moral issues and won't give in no matter what. I'm done with all of that; I don't need to be influenced by just another mere mortal to do things I feel conflicted over.

I guess the saying goes treat others how you want to be treated and sometimes, I forget how bad I am or if I have been good then I get mad from expecting the same treatment. I'm starting to learn that it's mainly done out of charity in my heart, and the people I like to be around tend to exhibit at least a little bit of it too. From having made up my mind about something and staying dedicated with a decision to this day no matter how much pursuance to rescind it without chasing it away, I've received a lot more respect from the individual because I'm starting to make sense with some things that he can't debunk me with.

Dedication To Remember Little Stuff

I'm pretty bad at carrying out my little tasks because I'm a very macro-minded person. I also tend to fixate my thoughts on a few things which could cause me to get distracted over my daily tasks that could become a little mundane. These days, I've developed the habit of going out there to exercise my slightly overweight body. I'm a little athletic these days from just running frequently and doing some muscle training every other day.

I guess that's what makes the difference, which is turning something that felt like nothing into a habit and then the habit feels like a complete absorption that flows very smoothly with yourself. Next thing you know, the day is over and you're relaxing with your wonderful family and kids. I really think that it's about how badly you want something and if you really can't settle in on what you want to do and go working at it then you are pretty much in a dumb state of mind. There are also stupid things some want to obsess over for their career like being an over-the-top and self-admiring male model. It's so embarrassing for one of my buddies because he deals with his own brother of similar genes wanting to act out so blockheaded and stubborn with pursuing after that dream. He's like, "Maybe, I'm not born to instantaneously find the right girl to settle down with."

Very admirably, he rates his depression level as a 1 out of 10. His characteristic of avoiding a lot of conflicts and jokes about bugging other people get me a little flustered in how he manages his passive aggressive emotions sometimes, but overall, I'm rating him as someone who means well with a good heart. It seems like everyone is searching for the goto person or field to find answers or meaning to life; it really makes sense for people to seek out help with experts in what they truly desire to obtain. It shouldn't really be a decision of the majority or another individual because that's really abusing the natural rights of a person about getting some psychological consultation, unless the person is doing something so wrong like brought up the wrong way as a minor and commiting petty crimes or something offensive in that nature that alienates the rights of others to receive corrective rehabilitation.

I'm starting to think that what I did in the past to get individuals to overreact and try to verbally abuse me and say that I need to find psychological help at a mental hospital is that people in generally don't really care what I did and that I wasn't really breaking any written law. They are just being a little more sensitive than others in the area that I was diving myself into. If they feel so adamant and end up making calls and they can get a legal restraint on me to get locked away in a straight jacket, then I will perfectly accept it because already in my mind, I can adopt the norms and customs of a society and function rather proficiently in it without violating major rights of another that is pretty much written in everyone's hearts.

On A Trip

Currently I am vacationing in South Korea and Thailand with my family. It's been pretty fun visiting locations and taking photos. It feels like the pics on my camera are meant to be shared with the world!

See ya I am boarding a flight now!

Funny Idea

I am starting to learn that being depressed or angry about my personal or selfish aspirations is hilarious. Surely, I don't feel that way with my biological feedback. My hormones become in the mood to start wailing underneath. However, it's like mind controling matter; I will myself to laugh about it. Shortly after, I get over it.

From being short even though I have only been told that from pretty tall people, I have yet to see if any female would directly confess to rejecting me if they had any slightest idea I was interested in them from being too short. I think it would be funny to me in my head even though I would feel like crying underneath. Through laughing off the discomforts of my shallow personal complexes I am starting to feel so much freer like an average person would already have.

I am only 5' 3". Pretty funny for me. Oh well. I have read some funny complaints about a short guy being told "Sorry you are too short!" I would like to come across a girl like that and have a good mental laugh when she confesses that to me. I don't care if she's hideous in appearance or not. So far have had decent success in dating casually taller women. I am pretty surprised with myself.

Feeling For A Buddy

I think my buddy lacks confidence from having raised himself to place so much expectation on himself that he isn't supposed to fail the first time. He basically believes money is king in a relationship but feels he does not have enough which I think is preposterous but I can't change his mind about it. His personality is a little weak as he used to feel most women are unworthy to be approached because of their craziness; he has basically been living by casting outside blame and not taking a direct approach from not wanting the added responsibilities. His next step is thinking about his abilities in providing enough money for the family he would raise. He also likes to consider every worst case scenarios as much as possible. He has sometimes been discouraged by seeing others becoming short-handed after pursuing something.

I personally think women are social creatures who need emotional support along side with a partner who can share his personal resources such as his own time to benefit any good or bad situation. The quirks are pretty much what every guy might go after during dating to have some fun!