My Goodness

Oh my, seriously why did Lee and Washington have to both be silly and put a restraining order on me. Now that I think of it, they could both pair up together- haha. I'm serious about the restraining order- I never went to jail or anything like the typical restraining order would lead up to. I'm facing the weird kind like where businesses put a restraining order on you to protect their business interests to make more money or something like that. A McDonald's food chain could place a restraining order on a random street-monger so that more customers won't be scared to eat there in the streets of L.A.

That's the type of restraining order I got from Lee and Washington. Washington left the job first before I did after he placed a work restraining order on me. He was forced to work with me and I was still forced to write to him to send him stuff. One time, I e-mailed him some documents and wrote to him that they were going to jump out and attack him and then he freaked out after he placed a restraining order on me. This is the most weirdest type of restraining order because I thought he was just joking about it. He really wasn't and was really freaking out- it looked like he was going to go to the bathroom when I walked up to him one time. I was like I need something, and he's like shaking and going okay and I'm like shrugging my shoulders- what a weird person. Oh well, I'm ready for the next batch of weird people I meet in my life now. I might as well go back and see how much they're forcing themselves not to overreact with me now, which is actually so neat. They'll probably run as far as they can- as far as their comfort zone will allow them, but in the end what they accomplished with me gives them no cigar haha.

The one from Lee isn't really any better and it came from a girl lol. I could be smooth with Lee if I want to be but come on who would really want to if he was in my shoes. Man, I don't care if Lee doesn't try to end it and is forced to put it behind her someday because that's going to happen mandatory and she has a Master's in Psychology- oh my goodness what good did that education really do for her dealing with people relations? She should have like tried to be my psychiatrist or something if she really wanted to help me- not put some restraining order that doesn't take you to jail right away. She doesn't even own a business, and I wasn't harassing her.

Actually, if I'm with these restraining orders and dealing with them like a man while laughing so heavily about it. Well, that's where it gets scary for people who used to be against me. I can handle these nonsensical stuff pretty practically well haha. It's like I could let the big and super bad things happen to me now from these little people and just live with it accordingly. Man, it's a lot of fun to write about something that I'm so passionate about and that it could be any topic on this blog. Technically, I could tell the government I don't have any restraining orders when I apply with it for a job because what Washington and Lee put on me is not a real restraining order- I didn't go to jail so what does that mean- I'm legally safe to work without facing any repercussions. I can just state on my application that I have zero "Real" restraining orders now.

Some lawmakers believe the non-realistic restraining orders that come from people who are being a little loony at the moment like Wash and Lee were is unconstitutional- what does that mean(?) - it means absolutely nothing because I don't really care and the government doesn't care either. I wonder how Wash and Lee would look if they both raised a family- might as well because they have a common thing that they did which was put this weird type of restraining order on me. It's pretty much safe to say it's one of those business-like restraining orders where it was done for all the money. Well, they could go for each other which may be a possibility. Lee becomes Mrs. Washington Chun haha- sounds like an interesting name.

Here's a tip- if a person has a restraining order and he never spent a night in jail or got booked for it something similar to it and the employer asks you if you have any restraining order, just say no because technically it's not lying. If you violate the order, then it's a true restraining order because you go to jail. If you don't violate it, it's a fake one so in the end, one will take the whole prize and I will be winning against these two people. Hey, they initiated the restraining order so I get to win by simply not caring and living life fairly easily talking about it around the people they know.

About this whole restraining order nonsense, I could apply similar tactics to those people who blocked me on Facebook too now. At least just remove me, no need to take it a step further and block me. With the exception of Betty, the one I'm writing nice about. Betty did block me on Facebook but I really don't care if she's on my Facebook or not and I don't care if she still has me blocked or not. I simply don't care. Betty is Betty and I understand her almost completely now with the time I was around there- she warmed up enough with me for me to get a feel for who she really is and that should make it easy for me now to get along really well with her, no matter what she decides to do to me in the future.

I simply defend Betty's values nicely because it's quite easy to do so and justify okay things and then the people around Betty who acted bad with me become individually responsible. It's just that simple for me. It's taking quite a fun twist of turning the tables. Oh, Jarred has black and white photos on his mySpace and I'm just saying the truth. Now, I don't know why you would want black and white all the time when we live in fast times and color means something especially in photos haha. I saw a picture of Lee on Facebook through my friend's account so I'm not saying anything to Lee with this sentence (mumbo jumbo legal stuff that I have to reveal) and it was black and white with the only colorful thing in the picture a rose haha.

Boldness Is Stupidity?

The reason for writing this is because it's one of those moments where you're just so anxious in your life. I'm sure at least some people have faced anxiety as a pain of growing up. When people just start overreacting and you don't know what to do to stop it because they just keep on bombarding you and you don't know where to go like they're bullying you. This is a really tough situation especially if your mind is lacking confidence and you're just feeling so devastated and disappointed with your life.

I'm sure fictional stories related to this predicament are around. Here's a hypothetical situation- what if I relate some things with my life and just dramatize it onto a book and just write whatever I'm feeling onto that piece of paper and just turn it into a novel. I might be somewhere on the lines of offbeat comedy and some dark humor about oppressed people getting back at the big and tall mean guy. It could just be done for laughs and maybe, some bully who fits the description could be knocking my door down and complain about how I wrote things about him that he didn't want the world to know.

I'm seriously siding with going with your gut feelings in these moments of just not being sure about everything in life and this bully is troubling you. I think it's great to live out what you can during this period before something settles you down. For me, I found absolute honesty which is really close to the truth to me. This honesty is the truth that is currently residing in my heart- to let it be known to the world is something that takes a little courage. Is it stupid? A stupid is, a stupid does says Mr. Gump's mother.

I'm obviously holding back some information on here but the things I do reveal are seriously things that are coming from my heart. I could even be seen upon as a bully by some people who were actually bullying me now because I could just potentially be that actively against them. When they go home crying, I guess that's when I pretty much clean up and try to move on with it. Once I've seen the lowest point that they will go with me, I'm satisfied to have seen it so it doesn't matter what they do to try to get revenge on me because I'm not going to play their game anymore and wish them well. I'm just no fun like that to them because I don't really overreact all the time once I've found that satisfaction with someone.

In other words, if a person does something really bad to me it's because they might have most likely been a real jerk somewhere in their life during that period. I don't have to overreact or complain about them not being punished for something- heh I'm still living and breathing and striving even more further than I can. In a way, I use everything to my advantage especially evil people who try to give me a hard time without them knowing what's in it for them the next possible day and right now - haha. All they have is the past to laugh about and enjoy, it makes two out of three for me so I'm winning the majority of the time which is great and will become like the past for them eventually which makes it a landslide victory for me on the long run. They show signs of trying to not to get engaged with me on something bad which is cool to me and encourages peaceful behavior.

Personal Discipline

I'm pretty much going to take a one way street now in earning a living for myself. Poker is really something to me, and I know I can make a lot while grinding in the game, but it's just that I feel bad about taking other people's money. I know that we're all in it for the same reasons, but I feel that I could be way better then some people at the game and don't really want to end up taking a lot from them. I would rather take a direction where it could be a win-win situation for everybody and that I would not need to spend a lot of time on the business to earn a decent living.

For now until I have enough money, I'm just going to settle for the boring and lonely grinding that I'm currently doing with a business that feels ethically right for me to engage in. Whenever I feel like doing something else, I'm just going to commit myself to doing what I'm doing right now until it's okay to expand myself and take a good break. So my life is going to become very simplified and more of a routine now for me. I'll start trying to juice it up once I'm making a lot and have plenty of time- I plan to have a combination of working hard and smart so that I could be wealthy ASAP and then have a more exciting life.

Facing Things

I realize that playing video games really serve as a distraction for me, and I'm not kidding because it can still fill my heart with excitement like I had when I was a kid. Homer Simpson said in an episode that kids in this generation are the best because of video games and then Bart was playing a violent video game where he was shooting down cereal mascots like Trix Rabbit, Coco Krisp, Fruit Loops, and all those other characters- very funny. It even serves to pass away a boring time in my life when time is feeling slow and nobody is really available to go out.

The thing that I want to try, even though video games are pretty cool, is facing my emotions head-on and gaining an unbelievable amount of perseverance with the Lord helping me out by living in my heart. For a time being, I was hating personal feelings of aggravation, annoyance, anger, and sadness that were a part of me, but now I want to accept it as a human being and still become a very productive humanitarian. Sorry to say this, but I'm going to really have a down right edge over ladies who deal with emotional issues all the time.

Anything in life is possible for a person to achieve which I totally believe now. A thought becomes spoken. Those spoken words may correlate to truth and finding a mentor and then the person acts. In the end, success has been attained. I guess I'm trying to say that even with my love of playing video games and getting sidetracked with a zillion other things, I want to spend some time doing the boring stuff that people do to get somewhere in life; I want to get used to them in other words and feel like it's a small chore that time just flies by and I feel like the work achieved was nothing and then I'm racking up so much wealth while relaxing on a Grecian beach while overseeing the Mediterranean Ocean. I could see a gorgeous wife in the scenario and some beautiful love that goes along with it haha. I think women aren't really that hard to obtain for a man no matter how a person looks (including height) and whatever the situation is; nothing is so impossible to God that we wouldn't be able to work to obtain satisfaction. I'm going to make my truthful assumption on Carlos Julio Rojas a little- he's not really living with the best of intentions for people and mainly about satisfying himself first, so he's going to always have bad luck with women in the end no matter how he feels things are good living in the present- that's sort of how the devil wants to operate (all about living in the now and not caring about the future and then just thinking about the past good times while suffering again). I'm about dealing with all evils including myself and walking upright at all costs even if I lose an advantage for a little while because it's only a small amount of time before I achieve something so great that it even carries into the future and overrides all the shadows I've lived in; in other words, I'm rejoicing and honoring my life at the same time. I believe that God will provide whatever I truly need for eternity and that if I leave this world for any reason especially bad people (haha), I'll be happy moving on, so I'm giving witness that I'm living my life accordingly to prepare myself for my time of being in heaven. I'm going to seriously be a very happy camper wherever I end up.

Communicating Without Getting Mad

Yes! I finally get it now because this is what I was doing to weird people in the beginning haha, just that I was super shy with everybody so I was feeling so nervous and I did communicate anyway from giving my best effort at all times. I remember that whenever I go through a hard time with some feeling, I would work even harder and to the best of my ability so I would like push myself to trying to get 110% haha.

I am actually feeling like I'm really enjoying people giving me a hard time, so in a way I don't need to be rude like they do. Honestly, I'm going to be smart and won't let them take advantage of me, but I do still care enough about them that I wouldn't let them die off right away.

Oh, in a way, it really doesn't matter what I set my mind to and no matter what others feel about it. I usually feel like getting ticked off if a person gives me an opinion I don't like, but I'm starting to feel like I can ignore it a little easier by replying back a little more silently even though I'm so angry inside and seriously be straight-forward with this person. Those angry emotions are what really fuel my competitive desire to take it by storm. I also have a smile in my face somewhat thinking about people giving me opinions or trying to discuss about things where they think they have the upper hand in any matter.

I do see now that if a person overreacts with me and no matter what the past associations were, I am going to be this very confident person inside and be way more relaxed than the other person at all times. I'm ready to do the world some good along with taking care of my personal matters very efficiently and well. It doesn't matter what length of time it takes for me, even if I run out of it. As long as I'm giving it my all and being myself and living up to what I'm supposed to be.

Time To Make It Happen

I believe that to be able to run a successful business in this economy, one needs to have a serious edge in the system. Another aspect that also needs to be considered is the amount of passion one has. I'm finding that there are some down periods and really tough moments when I'm really looking for the money to pour in to support my living. I think I can be a self-made winner instead of taking the easy way out and losing some valuable time that I don't really have any preference over.

I am seriously a computer programmer and working on some powerful stuff to help me generate some money for my business. It's coming down to the wire of how I'm using a very simple and powerful system that just came from watching this indicator that I feel blessed to have. It has also got to deal with the personality, which is so vital to the career that I'm doing. In other words, what may appeal to me will not be so great for others in the same field because of my willingness to take some short cuts haha. I'm also fully not an expert, just more like a repair and make it work kind of guy and then adjust by learning from great teachers. I'm pretty much in the state of constantly tweaking my automated money making tool, so in a way it's not really that automated because I have to maintain it- it's just my own personality and niche that I pretty much found for myself.

I might seriously be in a blessed situation right now. I don't really want to jump the gun by selling out this product because it might have some bad kinks to it that people might not want to discover later down the road. I guess it's pretty much work even though I might be spending a couple hours on it every week to look for improvements and then count on bringing in some profit that will help sustain my family and some friends.

Programming Endeavors

Alright, it's time for me to get the show on the road baby haha. What I mean is that I'm ready to do what I was trained to do in school. I'm a pure-bred computer programmer; I really like it and that's why I did some grinding with it. The only reason why I got my computer science degree is because I masterfully completed my programming assignments; whereas, I would bomb my exams from being too lazy to study for the answers. Seriously (!), I just programmed my computer to generate the answers for me. It was like a 50-50 curriculum and man I wish it was all based on how well you program because I would get an A+ for each class! I wouldn't mind grinding it out in medical school now too- this sentence will make some people want to cry because they can't see why I don't go in to make some big time cash in the software industry and would want to waste my time with helping people.

My grandpa influenced me to grow up and become a doctor. His presence was such a delight to me while a kid, and although he was old back then when I was little he told me to become a doctor. Maybe, it's so my grandpa would get fixed up by me as a doctor or something like that haha. I don't really care about people abusing me as a doctor anymore; it's just the sweet thought of injecting a painful needle down your enemy's body that's so savoring. No, I'm just kidding! Oh really? What about sticking my gloved finger up his booty to check for diseases. The human body is pretty fascinating to me, so maybe he'll mind more than I would.

No kidding, this whole being a doctor thing is a serious commitment; I have told my grandpa that I will live up to going to medical school and becoming somewhat of a doctor in the end- I'm not sure when I'll be entering medical school. I plan on keeping my word with my grandpa because I have cherished my relationship with him from my youth. I want to be a doctor who does charity work outside of this country. I just think it would be so cool to have a lot of health knowledge and to be able to advise people on being healthy. I'm becoming more into cars too because it's like everywhere. Whatever is ubiquitous seems to interest me in how it works. Maybe, that's why I'm turning into a suave business man who wants to improve these instruments that help people.

As a programmer, I'm going to automate something that makes me money. Obviously, I'll be putting some hours into it to tweak it once I have it set up, but I will never be selling it or maybe, I might coach people how to beat the system without really giving out my automated program. It's like my own personal pet that fits my personality, so I want to keep it to myself and will be for conducting my private business. If this thing makes me money, I'm going to expand my programming skills to earn me some money in the field of internet marketing. As Mr. Burns would state, "Ex-Cell-Lent". I might literally sell some internet marketing products with my programming skills, which would be good for the average Joe. I'm going to be like a one-man wrecking crew with my personal business on the long run, and I'm here to stay and play hard.

Poem About Messing Around

Down down down the drain
Let's go pick it up from the sewer
We're gonna live our life like there's a tomorrow
Let's go rock it out til' the sun breaks down

Boom boom boom boom boom
Feeling the sunshine
The moonlight is bright today

The man in the jacket is looking at me
I'm going to go party to a place where he and I will fly
Let's break it down, D-jay!

Loose loose, O loose loose Oooo
The animal inside is taking cover
Time to crawl up to the ceiling and fall
Get a ladder watching me is so cold.

Commitment List

I'm going to do a commitment list because I want to change some of my behaviors. Yeah, I know it's going to be very difficult to change overnight, so I'm going to write it out on this blog, no matter how silly it may sound to others.

1. No video games or television.
2. With free time, anything else besides video games or television. This is also respecting that I'm not living in sin.
3. Give hard work with whatever I want to accomplish.
4. Read Bible everyday.

About the whole Bible thing, I'm still reading a passages of Job and relate it a little to myself. I'm not Job, who was a godly person, so obviously God gives Job some credit in that area. Job 16:21 says Oh, that someone would mediate between God and me, as a person who mediates between friends.

It's incredible that faith plays a large role to Christians today because what Job was longing for is something that we should also have an urge for. I mean to say that we want to find fulfillment and all meaning with our lives and that all of these good things will come in good time through accepting Jesus as the Savior of Man.

I'm at the part in the book of Job where his friends are saying demeaning things because they're so angry at him for some reason. Come on, they fail to see his human side because all they want to point out is how he used to be so godly. I believe that I had something like this with the weird people happen to me over at Hope of God Church - haha. They were making jabs at me over how I was overshadowing people and that I needed to get some help lol. They were claiming they were the new holy people with direction for my life or something like that- what would one expect, they were acting like ignorant religious people with a nasty high blood pressure from having a temper- haha.

I know that I'm not Job, but if I was Job I would go inside the house really fast and get a wooden plank and then come running outside whacking those group of friends Job was hanging out with. I would tell them to go get a life, but instead of Job losing his cool, he sat around and kept on chatting about how Job wished to have a more meaningful relationship with God where he could have all of his knowledge satisfied from the chaos and confusion that took place in his life.

Time I Spend

When I see life dealing with people, I feel that I'm sometimes doing a lot of brute force haha. What I mean by this is that to sometimes get what you want from a person which is meaningful and good and seriously not a bad thing, you have to spend time with him or her. I used to hate being around some girls who I didn't really fancy and that they would just act pretty crazy around me. I stopped caring and surely enough that's what got me a restraining order- haha. It's a totally different perspective and that's why it's so interesting and funny and derogatory at the same time.

Since I do care about people being abusive with me, I could seriously make them inflict damage upon themselves haha. I'm not going to be direct about it too much because it's making me laugh writing like this. Another important side that I have to realize is that by me being natural, I'm actually like a typical person so if I go back after the restraining order is over and act natural then the weird people around me are going to look really bad if they do anything stupid with me. I think that's why those weird people are really considering on relocating somewhere else without being able to do anything and trying to be selfish about moving on haha. I could track them down through another friend and then show up and then watch the moment of their reactions which would be priceless. I won't mind talking to them around visitors and staring at the visitors to feel what they really think haha.

Yeah, it looks like I have it under control here and don't really need any help from anybody. Asking those weird people for help over handling some intractable, personal issues is not a wise idea. I'm sure they're about to repeat this incident that they had with others so I need to issue a bad warning about them. If they want to take me to court, I can find that I won't need to pay a lot of money because if they all show up and represent one group, they end spending more money than I do because of the added parking tickets. I also am going to be sitting across them and let the judge know that none of them really overreacted and called a security guard over to restrain me. I'll let them know that the group has a lack of creativity in handling problems so all they can do is think that the restraining order is the best solution.

Becoming Set In Life

Nowadays, I really should be trying to focus a little more. I'm not really a natural work horse because I tend to be more play-minded with something. I remember when I was little and totally obsessed about playing a video game- obviously, I became really good at the game that I was convinced I could beat anyone and surely enough I did- just that after a time, I felt it was getting really pointless haha.

I seem to not really care that much now about playing video games as it's my life but mainly, I see it as a generally fun thing to do once in awhile. A friend asked me an interesting question, "How do you know when you're ready to settle down with having a wife and handling kids?" I told him that you really don't, just that you understand it as a part of your need. He still seems to make a big fuss about getting a girlfriend, even though he has a tendency to woo almost any normal-looking girl in private he looks at haha.

There's a lot of time and dedication that needs to take place, which I'm starting to realize for myself. This area is where we can find some support in meaning and direction with our lives. For myself, I see that I'm constantly wanting to find more ebooks to read on my computer which deals with the industry I'm a part of- I'm like trying to finish one everyday no matter how boring or unappealing it gets. I usually do some speed reading and keep in mind that I preferably have ideas that I personally think are better and want to test out.

I'm pretty much doing a lot of tweaking for my own business and seeing what types of results it will bring. Whether it's negative or not, if I find the discovery useful I try to log it in my business journal. I'm finding personal discipline right now by having my own business and realizing that I'm making use of the meaning of actual productivity that can fill me with satisfaction.

Getting Really Good

This is a post just to claim that my life is getting a whole lot more better and interesting in the field of my own financing. It really takes putting a lot of time and effort into it, no matter how bad the drawbacks can be sometimes. I believe that's why passion plays a very large role in making something happen. If obsession overrules passion, then you might be in trouble and there may be a possibility of something bad happening. I'm saying this from analyzing someone's experience and I appreciate the man's honesty with the guys when I heard the man speak.

When things are going rough, it's a great idea to take a break. So my idea of taking a break could be spending time with my girl (haha) or just working out or even taking out my frustration by playing Call of Duty online and drilling other players with a heavy machine gun. Not to mention, I'm sort of a Star Wars fan and like wielding a lightsaber to reflect laser guns and chop bodies up with and cheating a little by using the force on the other player. It just takes a little work and some resiliency to get back into the game of making money on your own, when something just doesn't hit it.

I believe that the business has got to be something that you like and feel it's absolutely right for you. I have this feeling and it feels great. I know how the majority of people compromise something when it comes to work, so going after your dreams become an important thing no matter how others think you are loony from not living out the way they think is the best for you.

Getting Needs Met

I'm realizing (yes after all this time) that porn really affects me haha. I thought it was just not going to affect me and be something I would say is nasty. It turned into an addiction unfortunately. Nowadays, the brain waves can't take it anymore. I want to act out those brain waves instead of just sitting there if you know what I mean. I think it's more healthier to lie in wait and pursue after a life partner and do some working out whenever I feel turned on now.

I get a lot more sexual brain activity from sleeping instead of watching porn and get more satisfaction out of it. Right after I wake up, my testosterone level is ready to do something exciting. Some researchers have stated that a male body needs to have a healthy level of testosterone in order for it to live a healthy life. I believe that I'm getting enough of a recharge from getting enough rest now. I don't really need to engage in watching tasteless free porn that's all over the internet when I could let it flow naturally now.

I just didn't know and now I do, so I'm going to be living more confidently.

Finding Strength In Solitude

I write this post because for now, I'm actually at the computer pretty much half of the time during the week. My own business pretty much puts me on the computer screen all day, as I figure out how it's going to generate me the ultimate income. Yesterday, I finally came across the solution to making money for myself in this business. I didn't know that I was capable of putting it all together like that because it came from some trial and error.

Obviously, I can't really share what's making me money right now for my business because I don't know how potent it is, but I can share that I know someone who managed my funds and made me about $10,000 profit while starting at an account of $2,000. If anyone is interested  in having their funds managed with potential growth like I have, then feel free to leave a comment. I will even send you a screenshot of my live account, if you want to take a look at it. The hedge manager I found on the internet charges about 30% commission and it's only commission based so if he makes you break even then you owe nothing. I am leaving a referral out to him because he told me he would lower my commission rate, so that's my incentive in sharing this information. If anyone can shell out $2,000 for a managed account on Forex, then feel free to comment on this post.

The title of the post came from some inspiration in reading about Job's life in the Bible. Job went through some really tough times and managed to get a comeback. Over at this one home of growing believers (Hope of God Church, L.A.), I can't believe they sort of dissed Job in their hearts! They claimed that Job sinned and fell short- well, that's not really the point of the story to me. Job went through something we wouldn't even be able to bear, and he came out on top in the end again.

A Bible verse makes me want to laugh and accredit to the weird lady who put a restraining order on me. Job 2:10 says But Job replied, "You talk like a godless woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?" So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.

Note, the weird lady I'm going to mention about with the Bible verse is Darunee Lee Wongstapadat (or Lee Wong for short, LOL).  I believe that Lee was trying to be a perfectionist in this act of forcing me to change. Yeah, like that was ever going to work- she also didn't have any chance in picking up what my masculine personality is about even though she has a Master's in Psychology! Note, I'm trying to be honest to the best of my ability, so a court order to not talk about her doesn't go against the restraining order because I don't need to be around her to be happy.

I guess that's where I'm happy being left alone by Lee. The restraining order brought me some peace in that I don't need to hear about the group's stupid complaints with me. Not everybody in the group felt that I was a problem. The implied message was that I was coming on too strongly with getting to know a girl so they kicked me out of a small church. I actually got along really well with some of the sisters there- they're pretty cute too and that's probably what made it feel easier for me to get comfortable with them. Overall, this restraining order is a fluke to me that I might not even mention it to my employers unless they ask me about it first. I'll be sure to give them the whole truth because I'll be laughing about it and actually comfortable revealing what I'm about to do because of it.

Hard Work Mistakes

This is a post where I'll pretty much be bagging on myself, so yeah I do laugh at myself a lot nowadays. I also talk a lot to myself nowadays because I'm usually walking round about to get some exercise. I just think about things that make me angry and then I rehearse what I'm going to say and think about the person's response. Yes, I think this is a bad thing to do forever so I need to try to be more relaxed. It's my testosterone level, which gets pretty high so maybe I should just channel it and develop myself better for more pleasurable circumstances if you know what I mean haha.

I read that having a very high testosterone level can also lead to risky behaviors. I can see how that fits me with that description. I have to really focus to remain in self-control. I do have a slight advantage in that I've been pretty much practicing all my life with denying myself these sinful pleasures. Haha. I can see that I'll be really active in my marriage to compensate for those sex drives because I want to be pleasing to the God of the Bible I read haha.

So about those hard work mistakes, yeah spending a grip load of cash like an ignorant cow (haha) to do some businesses that I really suck at to try to make some money was not a so good idea in the first place. Recently, I came across what 5% of the workers in it call the ultimate job and I have interested a lot of different friends talking about it just that maybe it's not what interests them very highly because of the fear of losing so much money. It deals with managing money in an international market that gets affected by everything that happens in this world. I believe that people who just like to judge on the surface and then I ask them about the Forex Market to hear their opinions don't really know what they're fully saying about it, which is quite funny whether it's negative or not. In fact, the front-runners in this market don't know everything about it still to this day but they successfully make ends meet following a system and business model. In other words, they're not gambling and playing on the edge of the market just as a casino makes money with a slim marginal lead over its gamblers- that's why it's called gambling; it's gambling when you play something that you accept as being the underdog.

So technically, I led myself into some things that wasn't really that easy to get my hands on. To get on the fast track of something, it's really going to need a little bit of talent but passion drives a person a whole lot further. Passion is what encompasses me with the work that I'm currently doing; maybe, that's why I'm making it more profitable. Yes, I could do some grunt work like I said but doing it for about a year is probably the longest I could withhold with a threshold of patience. There's just no passion in it for me to continue doing those kind of work- I know some of it is really important and makes you feel depended on but it's for those people who have a passion to do it.

What Do I See Myself Doing?

I'm pretty much siding with what everybody might really want. It's having a great job that pays really well and something you like doing right now! I don't want to wait to get this job; I just want to get into it right now. Another drawback is laziness obviously haha and also having to train yourself to become good at working in the position.

Because I have issues with waiting right now, I have to dig into my business now. Sometimes wanting mastery over something that could be ideal for you is pretty scary and so mind-blowing that you're just stuck in time. I have so much pressure with being in some business debt right now, which I didn't take into account with paying my taxes- I just consider them to be like spending on material that takes you nowhere. Call it a scam or not, I made the decision to buy business material and failed at some of them. Oh well, I have some money left over still like maybe about $10,000 that's been generated from my business and no I'm not going to be stupid and buy something for that amount if someone promises it will double in a week.

I need about $40,000 to pay off all my loans that dealt with buying interesting and stupid stuff regarding business. The reason why I created this dumb debt is because I failed to manage my assets really well and deluded myself into seeing there would be hope in this business I was doing. Luckily, I haven't maxed out my credit cards but I'm really close to it. If I could have about 40 K right now as a gift from someone, I would be pretty much feeling free and just so relaxed. 40 K is just too big of a number for some stranger to give away without doing anything back for them. It could be generated from doing some grunt work for a few years, which I have some leads in doing.

Earning money in this sense of doing the ultimate grunt work for myself would seriously distract me from settling down and hanging out with friends. It would also limit my time in going to church and being able to relax. Just think of it, how many people in this world really have a church to go to? I mean how many really have a nice home with a good family and warm clothing on their backs. Being a grunt pretty much sucks but there may be some stability in it. I'm seeing that I would have to take about a year and a half to pay off everything I owe. I can't see myself doing any other job because of the market and my lack of experience in them. I would need pretty much a Master's degree and work on sounding sophisticated to be very competitive and end up in an entry-level position for sure. Businesses really do want to cut down on expenses as much as possible and go for the biggest profit. It doesn't sound fair, but that's just how it is and has to be accepted because it really helps to define better quality, people, and service. It's just selfish to feel angry about someone else beating you to it or being angry at them but it's just the nature of the business. Right now, I have the qualities inside me but no proof without any networking tools. Therefore, the grunt work that I have in mind would be the fastest tool for me to make money right now.

Overall, I've been pretty much doing things that are fun and games. Maybe, I should just utilize my brain power from now on.

How I Plan To Earn A Living

I want to focus on my needs first when it comes to getting a job now. I don't want to compromise because it will just make it a tad harder in creating a stable career. It takes work to get to wherever you want to go, and that's just a fact that you can challenge as much as you want but will just take you to first base again.

My niche in making money preferably is in using my computer. I don't want to be stuck at the boring office all day- it might be good for some people because it's common sense to feel that it gives a sort of discipline to help you out with your life. I'm pretty much the person who likes to pave his own road now- in my fullest expression, I believe that employers wouldn't like me that much because I would be of little value to them now. I don't really want to work at a typical office now with daytime hours because it's just not for me.

I don't want to feel like I'm stuck in a position for too long, so I'm going to work at what I personally want to do. I like to work with complicated stuff and don't mind if it deals with figuring out numbers all day. I don't mind having to deal with chaos all the time and being relaxed like it's no big deal in a peaceful environment. I'm pretty much a guy who does what people do to make money in a successful business and who has all that knowledge and uses it to get the fullest potential, along with hiring some big talent (unknown or known).

When I'm in trouble, the Lord seriously helps me in providing me a door to exit the issue meaning that I'm solving the problem and finding relief.  I haven't had too many storms in my life and to get out of my most recent one, God required me to start opening up to myself and others through expressions of pure honesty.

My computer is definitely a wonderful start for me in creating my own business. I don't mind being at the computer all day while having fun and then getting paid for it. I definitely have my own business right now which has been going on for a few months and it's been profitable for me. I get to work whenever I want and work on whatever I want dealing with the computer. This liberating feeling is what I've been looking for in making an ideal living. I've found myself becoming dedicated with something that deals with using my computer now.

Because I have this money and time becoming more developed, I want to fulfill my personal obligations or ambitions like becoming a licensed doctor, or maybe even learning to fly a plane. I would really like to learn some languages on the side. I would also like to be a programmer on the side too and even write a stupid story for all I care and try to get it published legitimately. All of this freedom comes from running this business of mine right now, I'm free because I'm doing my own business. I'm different from being entrepreneur-like, but I feel that I'll be paying more taxes than the average citizen soon.

I guess I want to play internet poker right now- I'm using Full Tilt and up about a 1.1 million right now from having played about 2 weeks. No, not real money - play chips. I could play for real money by trading in my play chips so technically I'm closer to free money for my poker career with a starting balance of $2. Yes, life is sometimes weird when you hear about people getting rich in poker and think gambling is bad. Poker is in the gray area speaking from the Bible- it has to be a decision made from the heart, just as creating a profession of counting cards in Blackjack. I'm personally fine with playing poker (expected profit can be developed into positive profit over time which has been shown mathematically by many experts) but blackjack is something I'm becoming more against because of casinos finding ways to keep the house edge. Casinos strive on taking other people's money as a business and the gamblers still don't seem to care with all odds against them like they feel like they really mean something.

I'm going to try to about good productivity now because it's going to help with bringing me stability. I mean with free time, instead of watching television, I could be writing on this blog figuring out what I want to do or maybe even I could be reading up stuff that's happening in this world. I could start working on something else with the computer. There's just about an endless combination of what I could do to be productive everyday until I get ahead with my life. Obviously, that's the ideal situation for me in a perfect world, but I need my breaks and fun too so I'll just limit my personal fun time and increase my game with finding my perfect wife haha.  

It Doesn't Have To Be About Compromise

I'm writing this only to mention the area of finding a job and making an earning. Basically, it needs to really be about doing something that you like doing and isn't something that would be breaking the law like trying to sell drugs which happened about 80 years ago. I'm not saying to sell your body as a sex icon either, haha. It's true that sex does sell and going about creating a business out of it would be pretty shady, in my opinion. Some ignorant fellows are still stuck in viewing themselves so highly and just wanting to break into the loose moral business haha. I'm saying that there has got to be this ultimate job that fits a description for everybody and can seriously have pretty good standing with the Lord's favor. Yes, I believe that God created all individuals with needs that have to be met- these desires can be filled. The Bible says that whatever you do, do it for the glory of the Lord so in my case, if I went to school to be a doctor, then I should be a very diligent doctor who willingly loves to serve the community. There is also freedom in having this ultimate job that a person finds.

How do we go about finding it? This is a question that has been puzzling me for awhile. I do believe that I found what I want to look for, but yet, occasionally I still question if I found the right job for myself. I think the answer is right under our noses- it's about knowing what we want and then going after it at full speed. I'm pretty much trying to give away secrets to life for free on this blog- haha. I don't mind because in a way, I do care about the living. The secret to life is that there's no free lunch - haha. I thank the man who told me, my foreign language teacher because I finally understand what it means.

I must be currently an aspiring renaissance man who wants to also have the ideal body and health, along with stability and happiness in my life. One of my friends have told me that's it's absolutely so hard to get your desires in life. Remember, I brought up the saying- there's no free lunch hahaha. In the old days, when peasants were farming the land, they had to work all day to prepare food and lumber to maintain a warm home. I'm just brought to a humble realization that we truly live in privileged times, just that it's sad to mention some intelligent and beautiful people still end up screwing up their whole life through being ignorant. I'm really siding with the Bible in how we could be living in end times today because of the awesome privileges people can partake of in today's world. Wait until the day, a brilliant researcher finds a cure to cancer and another finds a cure to end aging hehe! Well, they supposedly found a cure to fight hair loss.

The Lord could be taking his believers any day from now on- the question is, if you aren't already, will you answer if he calls you personally by name? Losses happen in life, so you're not the only one who had to suffer a major blow- they could seriously be up there waiting for you to come home to them. Do the research and homework, plenty of information will lead to this possibility of a supernatural God doing an amazing work and an evil that constantly spreads in this world, which we also have a part to be rightly condemned for. 

Using Time Wisely

I know that life sometimes feel like things aren't going so well that everything is going darker around you. More and more, I'm finding confidence in having self-control with myself now. I think being an adult means exactly that- being confident and able to keep things under control. I believe that having a few rough outings pretty much taught me about some important life lessons and to appreciate life.

Right now, I'm getting better with using my time more wisely. I'm finding that I want to invest my time in things that are more productive and interesting. I do have a sensitive side though which wants to pretty much work out and become stronger and have fun with a lot of that good stuff. Reading, listening, and studying are very important skills, which I'm starting to realize. To get more ahead in life, it's great to contribute to a pool of gifted minds and in return acquire knowledge from them.

Why I Succeeded

This is something that's going to probably by overlooked by everybody because it's not really commonly analyzed. I was called weird for a time being, and I really was capable of ignoring those thoughts people stated about me. I was basically laughing all the time about anything big or small dealing with life situations. No, I wouldn't laugh if someone got into a tragedy; however, I would take a moment to think about how I would embrace their negative situation and then go on to laughing about things again to try to make myself happy.

In the moment where a group acted really bad with me, the reason why I got away with it was because I acted highly natural and was honest about everything. I was not under any influence of drugs or alcohol and wasn't using threats or offensive words to get my point across. Even though I wasn't at my fullest expression which would have scared Chris Kuch (Hope of God Church, L.A.) from saying anything bad about me and just see the good things about me which I'm so good at influencing, I still caused a reaction from doing something that deals with what I just mentioned. This brings me a lot of satisfaction. Yeah, Chris was being really weird and I would know how to talk to him or anybody in that weird group now. I'm just going to be straight forward and use my fullest expression with them now, which won't be pretty for them. They are going to be like acting so human in a bad sense with the way I'm going to go about things with them now. It's a good thing that they are not really God because they would suck at ruling the economy and people. I'm glad that I don't ever have to be subjected to them anymore and to their artificial way of saying how they have authority over people which totally goes against the Bill of Rights- hey they weren't really originally supposed to be born here anyway, so they would probably be ignorant to the U.S. Constitution; that's right, the weird group I've been mentioning are not really the typical white Americans whose brought up in this culture.

I heard a little about them moving to another location for establishing their church. It means they are doing pretty badly, so does a person show up to it from feeling bad? Their group is so small, and the spirit that they try to entertain is so weird at times. They are a religious bunch, not like the cool and good-looking group you would watch on the show Friends (haha). It's going to be easy for me to express sensitivity the right way. I'm really glad that I came out pumping with these written thoughts on chasing after Betty Lam over at the same church haha. I guess I wasn't really that serious about it but some good came out of the things I was thinking about; she's a little different to me and the act of going that distance might not always be so pleasurable as I would like. My prediction about Betty is that she's eventually going to have this calm, submissive attitude with me and be smiling quite a bit about some things I try to talk about with her and will oblige to do some things I ask her to. This whole image of her dumping some food like mashed potatoes all over my head doesn't really seem plausible to me haha. Betty might have this feeling about wanting to run from me but she seemed to smile when I told her that I owed her an explanation. Betty must have been trying to ignore everything that might not be bad which is her flaw and part of her selfishness; unfortunately, her way of doing things really badly won't really cut it. I could see many weird possibilities with Lee who I think could diagnose herself as being technically insane, but I think she would be a little too scared to do that to me even though she's really souring a bit lower each day without me having any need to come near her haha.

All of the things I mentioned about Betty may happen because I'm starting to see things clearly and have instilled a lot of confidence. The only way for these wonderful things to happen would be if I see Betty around which I might try to do, if she moves on from Hope of God Church L.A. I feel this need to befriend Betty from what we've done together, and the interesting experience we had together. I'm open to talking about important things like relationships with her which might be quite fun actually. She had this feeling of underlying pressure which I didn't pick up on until just now from typing this comment haha. There's nothing wrong with improvising to try to please a distressed woman which I say is a part of my expertise hehe. I was panicking a lot in the beginning because my senses were like on a Red Alert drill and thinking to myself, "Wait, this isn't supposed to be happening." I can see that people can stretch a little weirder idea from the use of their limited imagination now like Jarred Daniel Taing (same church) did with me. From what I've learned and thanks to their actions, I don't want to expect anything good out of the weird group anymore. It looks like I might be okay with just being finished and done with them. However, there's another weird person who goes there and I led him to that group. I really need to try to convince him to have faith in this powerful belief that provides divine hope and true contentment.  To end this post for today, I should make my expectations for Betty priceless hahaha.

Figuring It Out

It's been pretty hard to get by with these emotional triggers that really deal with financial concerns for me. I'm thinking to myself that I'm not the only one who faces that type of critical decision in his or her life. Currently, I'm fixating my interests on making enough of an earning so I can get ahead with my financial condition. Afterward, I could pretty much be a giver which would be a great feeling.

Basically, I'm getting really close to mastering my trade that I want to be a part of now. I guess I'm a little too smart to have to work on a dead end and boring job when I could be living it up with the privileges that come from experiencing responsibility and sensibility.

Avoiding Mind Farts

I'm just messing around with the title of this post. I don't really know what a mind fart really is, but I guess it has to do something with being a little too overloaded that the brain releases some chemical that makes you lose concentration and then start laughing about it afterward. A childhood friend of mine would always laugh whenever he cut the cheese or belched- haha. I know that girls rarely do it in front of people, except if she's your family I guess - haha. If a girl does it in front of me once in awhile and acts a little cute about it, it only makes me feel that I have a stronger body than her so it's not a big deal- haha. For me, mind farts can happen if I get a little too nervous about anything in my life. My defensive mechanism right now must be to laugh about it and then go right back into working hard to fixing a situation.

For now, I'm currently working on using energy that exists in my playful state to doing something productive. During the week or whenever I can, I would like to be dedicated to my work. I really do enjoy spending some free time with friends, and it feels like I might just get enough of it each week. Finding a wife is something that I sort of have my heart set on doing now. I seem to acknowledge a girl's beauty in my personal thinking and then just move on with going about completing my business. The compromise I feel that I have found between some girls is just enjoying being an acquaintance and strictly platonic. It helps that I have been reading up on some crazy girl's dreams from some online journal, so I don't mind going a safe route even though I might get attracted to a beautiful, young lady.  

About those weird people I've been writing about, I feel like they've been shut down. Of course, they have each other but they're still just people. I have found the very best of people, and they do not come any close to it. On my end, it may take having fun with a little work which is not really that bad. I might be a shorty but I've actually added an inch from doing those growth hormone exercises- hehe. They actually really work! I'm going to keep trying to add inches onto my height because I'm a little sensitive about it. If I wait it out a little longer and if Betty Lam at Hope of God Church still attends there even though my haunch is feeling she's going to be moving on, she might actually see me surpass her height which would be awesome! I'll be more like quietly parading around her, to give a more accurate description. I'm realizing that Betty is seriously a one-of-a-kind, and I hope those weird people find it in their heart to try to keep Betty around because she could be contributing to slightly positive things. The reason why Hope of God Church L.A. became stunted in growth is because they were acting weird and compromising the Word of God- they really lack sufficiency in a spiritual area and should use an anointed man of God whose dedicated to them to lead them to grow in a relationship with Christ.  The pastor over there has been giving a good try, but it's really no cigar- he's really more cut out to be a church elder, in my opinion. The guy I would like to call the junior pastor, Golf sounded a little lost sometimes and disassociated about life occasionally when he gave his sermon. Golf said in one sentence something like people are about finding sexual fulfillment- I am in response asking, "And?"

Channeling and Focusing Energy

For this post, no I'm not trying to promote some yoga meditation or some Ancient Eastern philosophy - haha. I'm trying to come up with a mature conclusion now. I have so much energy that's a part of me and by doing negative things that are unproductive with that energy, I'm pretty much canceling myself out. Because I was like this, it's technically a miracle that weird people actually overreacted against me. It just means to me that I have a place in God's heart, so I'm feeling the love man. It went a certain direction that was always good for me and bad for them- I like profited from this experience if I can make it an analogy with hedging. With hedging, it's normally done with two opposites to prevent any big losses to occur in trading and then do some magic to create profit which I'm not so sure about yet.

So basically it looks like I'm going to have to be in work mode with my free time which is 24-7 until I can get ahead in life and then I'll be happy to take a break. Of course, I'm going to want to go to people's birthdays and parties and hang out with friends and all of that good stuff. I think I could set that aside for like 24 hours a week. Yeah, that's plenty of play time and the other times I'm just maintaining myself. I'm actually feeling really confident being around people, especially the long dreaded girls I used to feel weird talking to- haha.

So when I'm at my computer, I shouldn't really be playing games right now and focusing on actual work to accomplish now. I'm just being a dummy because I have so many tools that I wasn't aware about. I made a few mistakes and that's that. When I get all that energy of wanting to do something else besides work, I should take that energy and covert it into something useful now. I should really place it in the area of patience and trying to be productive. Of course, I'm not someone who gets everything the first time, so I really need to get moving now. If I'm not trading on my computer, I could be studying to be a doctor or something useful like that.

I'm also going to be putting my money on something called bum marketing. If someone in this area thinks I'm  saying an actual cuss word then I'm feeling it's bogus. Jarred Taing over at Hope of Church felt that hobo was a bad word - haha. Come on, it could be used politically and is a shorter version of saying homeless person. Homeless person to me is more derogatory of a word than hobo. Maybe Jarred was thinking somewhere on the lines of how you have to treat a homeless person a little differently, rather then if you would call them a hobo. Some people even think hobo is a positive word as in meaning friend. I wouldn't mind if someone called me a hobo when I was in high school because I sort of dressed like one, but only looked a little cleaner than them. I believe that Jarred was just being a really sensitive person at the time I affiliated with him. Those weird people are actually letting themselves hang out with someone who they could probably leech on to feel better about themselves, but I don't really know for sure right now. 

I really need to fix this issue I'm having with them and by having all this time to think it's probably not going to be that hard because I seriously know where they're being wrong now, and it's making me laugh so much more instead of getting angry at them. I'm not going to go all ape donkey if I ever see them, so I need to play it cool here. Maybe they'll turn into sociopaths temporarily, I don't know. That isn't fully in my judgment to make those types of claims but it's important to make this inference because it's affecting my life personally in a good way.  I'm not sure about joining in their clique anymore after getting all this time thinking about it; maybe it would better for me to go to the best one instead of the least one! I need to do this act of closing the loop and leading someone to a world of hope and fulfillment - I'm getting this from being a follower of Jesus; I know someone who could use the Lord in his life to find absolute peace in his life and enjoy spiritual comfort. The best way for me to do this would be to come back to the crowd of the weird people I've been mentioning about. 

Having Trouble

Right now, I can't really reveal everything that's going on in my life and with that area I'm really going to keep it private now because it really deals with another party. I don't really want to admit it right now and then just start laughing about it.

I'm going to avoid being a truck driver now because I'm a little too scared about getting into a big accident with another car and accidentally killing someone. I know I joked about having a road camera installed on there and then describing hypothetically about weird people swerving right into me one by one. Obviously, the grave circumstances of it would be too unbearable for me.

I have found a way to get a 5% advantage with winning huge sums of pot in poker (the river) by the way I'm selecting my hands and timing when it's good to take a small risk. However, I see poker is more like spending money and putting a little time into it for enjoyment. I can't see myself professionalizing in poker with big stakes anymore or let alone watch a professional take a huge hit on his chip stack.

I'm usually a moderate and cautious type- I'm going through a phase where I'm losing my childhood innocence right now and literally facing the music of my actions without backing out. I like to pride myself in being decent in moral and Christian values. However, I have an area where I fall daily in- it deals with sexual sins. I have taken the sins to a level where I'm not physically being intimate with anyone, but the temptations feel so great for me that I fall into watching porn =(

I feel really distressed and sad to mention my problem in writing. I don't know how I'll ever be helped in it. The Bible does mention about using marriage as an outlet to avoid sexual sins because it is permissible by God to practice making love in marriage (lots of responsibility is being involved). Even if I were to be married, I know that I'll be facing those common temptations daily still but I feel that having a partner will help me a lot. To really control my sexual sins, I'm going to need to get married as a part of my supplication. I guess if I have a wife, then I would feel liberated in chasing after her all the time. I need to put faith in Jesus that he will provide for me a way to get relief in this area of sexual discomfort because I'm bombing it so badly in my opinion.  Every time my subconscious senses something sexual, I'm really vulnerable then especially through something visual. If I get lured into it on accident or I do it on purpose, which triggers my sexual escapade, then I need to do something that's looked down upon by the world- run and try not to feel like a lone ranger. The Bible says "I have made a covenant to God with my eyes."   I guess I'll be eventually in this constant state of running around until I find a breakthrough in marriage and then do the best I can to please the spouse. I'm pretty short, so I can figure I'll be hearing some tall wife jokes which would make me laugh- I'm even laughing about short jokes too dealing with myself and not minding about women wanting to be with a taller guy because being short doesn't prevent me from enjoying some physical activities. I'm just going to exercise my faith in Jesus to the best of my ability even though my faith is not enough sometimes- I'm going to have to continually work on it to eventually reach that state I'm looking for. 

Commitment Issues

This is an area that I feel really sensitive about, and it's really about finding a way to be committed to myself which is really hard for me. I guess I'm just not the type who can stay in one place all the time. This week, I practiced playing poker all week and pretty much missed some valuable time to grow in knowledge with my business. I need to go back into shaping back up into this whole investment thing. Right now, I would be the most comfortable learning to be a successful trader.

My weakness is that I can get a little careless with my approach if I'm behind my finances. I need to be really brilliant here now. Once again, despite the feeling of being so bored with my work, it's still what I would prefer over most jobs and it does have pretty good benefits attached to it. If I go back to being diligent at it, by deciding to specialize on it then I believe I'm making a very smart choice. My job isn't about how much better I am over others, like some people think which is funny now that I think of it.

I think I can just focus on living a normal life and then just play hard when I have some time. Right now, I have to really focus on getting better with my work. I need to lay off of everything else, even though I could look at the e-mails I receive. I'm going to make playing poker a secondary thing for me and not really my primary way of making a living. No matter how bored I get with this line of work and no matter how unproductive I feel at times, I'm going to stick to it because I feel that I won't regret this decision. Later down the road, if it gets to a point of getting to raise a family, I'll put the family above my work- money can be made anytime, but it's those life things that come once in a lifetime and shouldn't be missed.

Therefore, I need to play this smart in the moment now with everything that I have. I think the reason why I've been playing poker or spending on supposedly money making products is because I keep telling my subconscious that I'm desperate for money because I want to make money fast and conveniently without having to wait it out - the waiting part would involve going to interviews, searching the internet around for job openings, and all of that stuff.

With the things that I invested on, I should be very reasonable here and cut my losses, and I do have enough tools right now to stay a profitable business; it's funny that an average person can be thinking about how ethical my business is- it's legal and nothing shady is going on haha just that it's really hard for the average person to conduct the business I'm in. That's why they're scared from doing it, despite the rewarding nature that it could provide.

Only for my sake, with everything that I have invested in and treating time as the king, playing poker would be economically senseless for me right now. I have four different areas that I could work on to make money, if I were to spread them apart as opposed to solely just playing poker all the time which really takes a lot of my time away and there's also a very small window of opportunity for me in making profit with it. Hey, if I can't settle down in marriage right now because I have to go drive a truck later for not doing so hot financially, then I'll have to put it on hold for awhile and just live with that decision I made of how I spent my youth. Haha. About having two restraining orders from two different people and being kicked out by a bunch of weird people I hardly bothered and from not really being able to do anything about it because of the condition I was in, oh well. They aren't the ones who are going to prevent me from living out of this dream of donating some money and even possibly assisting other people's health as a doctor. I also would like to open up an office someday and invite some old friends of mine so that we can work on some computer gaming projects which would be a lot of fun, if they still have some time; otherwise, I'm just going to open up a club or something to practice that goal. If I stay single for the rest of my life despite my heterosexual struggles, then I'll take it like a man, but I don't really see that happening like maybe this year.

The whole challenge for me right now is going to be about becoming economically resourceful and then making profit out of it. I'm going to feed that desire of wanting to make fast profit the right way now so I can get ahead with my life. I have potentially so many gifts in this academic area and a knack for being pretty lucky in my overall life. I'll just have to deal with that dreadful feeling of boredom with so many different things right now until I understand them enough that I'm having some fun with it- no matter how empty it gets because nothing really beats having a relationship with God. I'm doing it for a purpose now, which is to get ahead in my life.

My Restraining Orders

Hehe. I'm really laughing about the restraining orders that were forced upon me now. Basically, I got two restraining orders from two different people - a guy and girl whose a minority in the United States from overreacting and being angry about not being able to change me. It's not going to save my hide just writing about it and laughing about it all the way to Vegas - haha (so random word, I know). I could come back to their house after it's over though and make them feel like terror has entered into their life again. I seriously wouldn't mind them trying to take me to court over this issue again or if they want to extend it now. I really don't care and can really represent myself to the court of law properly without anybody's help now.

They'll need all the help they can get because with me being confident and using full-blown honesty, they are going to have to be under my wing eventually now. I'm really thinking about asking them to get some professional counseling - a good therapist to listen to all their problems because I remember the girl who placed it on me talking all over the place like she needed someone to listen to her when I called up F. Chick on the phone - haha. I just revealed who F. Chick is with that hint with some people who have seen him around before.

F. Chick is a tough guy to convince- don't get me wrong because he has some type of hormone or something that can't make him get his mind off of something he's really convinced about and will go to exaggerated lengths such as yelling or making fun of you to prove how he believes his theory is correct and say that he's always right - haha. A bad side to his actions is that he isn't really that bright; I hate to say this but he sounds like a fool sometimes. I wouldn't mind talking about it with so many people looking at him after he makes half-minded and stupid remarks or just ignoring it while laughing underneath. His weakness is something that scares him so he uses it on you as a weapon when he's trying to get on your case- I believe it's being made fun of. He then will block out everything you're saying that is negative and then keep doing what he wants to attempt to prove that his point is correct but he fails mostly all the time; maybe 1 out of 1000 he's right- enough to call for a celebration when he says something that is actually right. I used to force persuasion on people like F. Chick does but the difference is that I was fortunate to have some academic achievements that were ahead of students in my own class. The only way to get him to stop is to talk about it while he's around a lot of people because he's going to be shy initially and to keep doing it to the point that he won't bring it up with whatever is bothering him about you. Maybe once or twice might be enough for F. Chick while weighing in some logistics about his life. If not, no shame in repetitiously doing it and having some fun out of it. If he tries to avoid that ultimate "No-no" for him then you can challenge him to be around lots of people and not feel bad about whatever he's saying because he's like going to the motherland to strike trash instead of oil - haha. I thought like this when the person I was doing this to used bad character with another person- it happened so often because of my controlled behavior, which is the key. Basically, what beats F. Chick in the end is to do things that work for you to make him feel that you have more legitimate and good confidence than him. In other words, it's okay to tease him legitimately and literally get good laughs out of it. He can punch you and end up in jail with you still laughing about what you made fun of him with because it's so true. He'll be forced to come to terms with it which will make him stop whatever bad that he is doing to you for good. If enough people he tries to push around does what I mentioned then we might have ourselves a totally different person who could be significantly a light to this world. Occasionally, you may have to monitor his status but just playing it cool is probably the best thing. My prediction if I were to do these things to people who act weird like Annie Tran of Hope of God Church, Chris Kuch, Jarred Taing, Bae (bubba sheep lol), and even the pastor Chai over there (haha) - they would smile at the things I say and stay submissive. Golf [I eat miniature golf for breakfast haha] would hate it because he's probably feeling like he's compromising enough with me already, but he still has a weird side and he probably would admit it, so in the end he would probably smile at the things I say too and leave it to be. 

I can play it cool now if I ever see Darunee Lee Wong again after the restraining order is officially off- it's too bad she thought it could be permanent. The judge said- "All I can do is three years for you." I never visited jail, and I am making money more conveniently than all of them- life sounds not fair, doesn't it? I want to see those nasty cops again because I know how to talk some sense into them- they were playing the bad cop and it's making me laugh so much about it. They asked me if I wanted to go to jail- I should have said "Yes, give me a tour of the jailhouse and show me the floor I'll be licking my tongue with and sleeping on. Better not come near me after you drop me off and wish I never get out because I'll have money to use against you. I don't need to end your life when I could see you suffer over natural causes that happen which is much more funnier to reveal to the world. Whose yo daddy? I could be a better pop than you any day." By the way, I'm not delivering any indirect message to her - I think she needs some therapy to relax her brain about how not to overreact when she wants to change someone she intends on liking. I think it's exciting if a person wants to put a restraining order on you- I know it's bad because it's generally seen that way; I just feel like I'm being a somebody to that person - a somebody who needs to get a court order which is so awesome! I feel so loved by somebody in this world because of this happening to me. It's like I'm actually noticed by people. Maybe, after this fluke happening I have enough confidence to chase after girls, but I'm going to keep myself open in meeting good women who are warm and open to these settling down factors first.

So those weird people could practically eat my heart out, and I won't really seem to be bothered by it anymore. I'm glad I had this happen because there was a great awareness that was formed in my head, and it came from them being abusive to me- yes! I'm meant to succeed in this world even when people are being evil and trying to bash me all over the place. If they kill me, then I'll be happy to go to heaven so hey, I'm not afraid of them. I say this even though they attend a church - LOL. One can never know who has a hidden shot gun and will abuse it. I want to buy guns and shoot them at a practice and then defend my home from evil terrorists who are losers. I will have to preach to never shoot the gun on yourself and about justice if the male teenagers around me try to get close to it.

Making Money With The Internet

Hey there, I'm only writing things generally about the opportunities that are out there really fast. I'm not simply going to be covering the ins and outs as some people charge for already. For the current programs that I am in, I need to be covert about them because I don't want to sound disrespectful about them so if you find them on your own then good for you  but I can tell you about the fields that could make money.

The reason for stating these things is because of my need to clear up my head through being honest- haha. The internet is an awesome resource for finding many financial opportunities. A thing that I felt really inspired by and actually wrote down is this video that I watched online yesterday.

The guru pretty much said that mastery over five areas create a successful person. These areas are language, communication, marketing, sales consultation, and public speaking. Obviously, the weird people I mentioned about were pretty bad in those areas, but that's another time for me to get into.  

In my humble opinion, life isn't really all about the money. Using money in itself creates a loss; therefore, billionaires have invested in assets instead of just money because it will decrease in value over time. When the Lord states in the Bible that being greedy and hanging to money without spending it like a scrooge is wrong, God means it for the best! Money in itself is literally nothing if the scrooge is never going to use it and inflation could take away value of money any day.

A lot of it is about taking action. Let's be blunt, making money isn't always fun and will take time but it's necessary to earn a living. More often, if you don't mind playing with money and credit out of not being able to wait for that dream job it's going to take risking some money to earn money- I don't see losing a lot of money out of trying to do business as wrong, as long as it doesn't involve selling anything illegal or could be very negative for everybody like selling nukes to a shady government. Some people professionalize in gambling which is one of those grey areas that affect people personally- obviously, it's bad if the person has a gambling addiction and out of the blue, the porn industry is a bad thing to me too even though it's a personal related thing.

I'm just trying to be ethical and moral. Hopefully, the world will all learn from our expensive mistakes. It's obviously wrong to scam someone for money by absolutely lying about a system and then successfully getting away with it which still happens today, but it isn't wrong to sound natural to lead someone to a good product that pretty much creates a win-win situation and earn some money off of it like successful real estate agents do. These are the fields that I'm taking a look at using the internet, and it may all sound random but they bring in money. I would say that spending time making money all the time isn't good. It's important to get affiliated with people and do something healthy. For myself, it could be getting a girlfriend and spending time with her. Or, if I can't get that lucky in the area then I could do some community service with doing something like building houses which sounds fun. I could even hang out with some good friends and get my mind off of those weird people I've been mentioning about - haha.

One last consideration before revealing what I'm looking at is that it's important to stay relaxed and not panic- I used to feel anxious all the time without knowing what to do like when those weird people were doing their thing with me- haha. It might take some time to get over it, but a real thing that helps is to just let it out to yourself with honesty, even if you'll never reveal your problem to anyone in this world. Don't go killing yourself over depression or doing a crime out of feeling angry- there are ways to live happily or cope with it without being abusive.
This will take me awhile to think about. Here are the general areas to take a look at that deal with nothing but using the internet for earning some money in no particular order: unemployment services (EDD), internet marketing (traditional and sneaky), internet poker, investments, surveys, mystery shopping, writing, game competitions (very hard), creating software, accounting, medical transcribing, and mentoring. I will add more onto the list as I think about it. All of those areas are what I am affiliated with and taking my time to master in. The thing I like the least in that area is poker but I do it out of the fun and potential growth in profit even though losing buy-ins for any reason for awhile really sucks. The thing I enjoy the most is investing which is like going on auto-pilot and locking in profit that will never go negative. It can be like poker in that you may lose sometimes but the profit could be immense if you gain discipline in the area. I believe that I'll be creating a personal business e-mail account because all of these prospective business e-mails I signed up for are flooding my personal account now. I'm going to just keep my favorite of the list which is investing and some resume follow-ups.

Okay, let's end with my hobbies which is so random just for myself. I like playing games in general with people, against the AI, tic-tac-toe with my pet fish, etc. I sometimes feel bad from playing too many games. I also crave it a lot if I don't do it for awhile. For another area, well let's just say it's going to require a wife and raising a family - haha.    

Personal Endeavor

From the last post, I see that from reviewing it there's a lot of meaning for me. What I'm really gaining from writing on here is this experience that I want to create from having a work ethic. I can fairly say that I'm now a young grown up whose confident of himself. Through this confidence, I am capable of handling situations that are uncomfortable for me and to be able to outlast it while still have strong diligence.

This is pretty much going to be my motto for this year that I will try to achieve to the best of my ability. Through the displeasure and discomforts that come from occasional confusion and chaos, I will endeavor to work hard under a strict pattern of patience without being a weird human being. LOL I mean it, too and it's quite fun for me to mention this today. What this means is that I will work hard even under stress of something else trying to bother me; I don't need to overreact like those weird people I mentioned about did. Special note: I'm leaving Betty Lam (Hope of God Church, L.A.) permanently out of my weird people category for good; this is out of personal reasons.

Through this confidence that I now have, I know what I want for myself in how I need to manage my life to be successful and satisfied. This whole sex issue for me is like a totally new frontier for me- haha. I see that conquering that moment of feeling out of control will help me gain a leverage in social conditions when people are just getting so out of hand now and leave me laughing so hard that I could be falling off my chair. I guess I'll admit that I might have a thing for Betty - basically, I do want to be her friend and I don't mind this business of hanging out with a cup of coffee if she'll ever be convinced I'm good enough to do that with her. I do care about her enough to never really put her in harm's way literally speaking- I also know how to interpret her sayings now in a right fashion that would make us complement each other nicely. If Betty personally reads this posting about herself, I believe that she won't ever issue a restraining order even if she acts aggravated with me over some things - haha.

Betty's also a little taller than me and Betty didn't seem to have too big of an issue over us hugging each other - haha. I still hope I can outgrow her by at least a little even though her physique is smaller than mine. She said she used to be overweight, and I'm in disbelief to how bad she actually looked. She took notice that I had lost a lot of weight- that weight pretty much gained back in a jiffy because my body is capable of dramatically shifting weight right now. I was losing and gaining ten pounds a week at one point in my college days.

We hung out and had a chance to get a little more intimate in my slightly weirder days- I can't believe I was capable of initiating dates even while feeling weird and actually doing it without me noticing it that hard. The moment of reading a book together with some elementary kids was fun- I was taller than all those school kids, and it felt pretty good haha. Yeah, wait until they grow up to be massively taller than me and I'll have to feel happy for them. I was attracted to Betty in a nice way sometimes but it didn't really seem to be that serious to me at the time- I think seriously being a part of her life would be very useful to me. It doesn't really have to involve that much hard work as I thought to do this thing with her. Overall, I guess what I'm feeling for her is a form of love. I'm glad to be of some service to people.

Weird Coincedence Part 2

Okay, I really need to keep myself off of porn now. I have some type of sex addiction underneath my body. My testosterone level is not really that stale and occasionally wants to act up still like when I was a teenager. I was a depressed teenager and didn't really live out its full potential but now it wants to act crazy and I'm falling prey to it unintentionally. I'm an adult who can logical trace these things for myself personally now which is the difference between life and death for me. The ideal strength for showing how much I have in patience will be allowing myself to deal with this temptation for being out of control sexually. I know that my mind is pretty good at encouraging myself in getting things done when I put in all this effort and that's what I really need to do now with this whole sex issue that's beneath me.

I'm just not some one-dimensional guy anymore like when I was a kid which would have made getting out of this issue so much easier. Because I'm just like a regular guy, this is so much harder for me now. I need to go back into my state of doing hard work and just exercising patience in that real difficult time of experiencing that strong emotion to go out of control for me.

Everything will be like feeling that things are working against me that I should feel bad about leaving the porn behind. I need to act swiftly and correctly when that moment of attack arrives for me and to do it daily or when it's needed until I don't really feel that type of disorder working as a part of me. If I could seriously accomplish this without being a weird fellow at the same time, then I will have a huge advantage over any circumstance dealing with others who act weird with me then.

Despite the girl Annie Tran over at Hope of God Church (if she still goes there) being weird to me, I can't help thinking that she is a pretty weak person naturally from being a woman. The thought of it is literally stopping me from like going any further with trying to mess her up really badly. If I can handle my sex situation which has nothing to do with her, then there is a total contrast in how she really can't handle certain uncomfortable situations whereas I can. I guess I could just try to be a beacon of light to her if I can get through this moment now. Right now, it isn't time yet for me to go back to that weird place near Al Hambra, California.

I'm glad that I was really forced with this time upon me even though what they did was wrong. If I didn't act mad about the situation a little, then I'd be called crazy which is what I tried to do. Besides being called crazy from some overreacting people which is making me laugh so much now, I have this valuable time set aside for me now, and they are weird anyways so I don't really need to hang out with them. The reason for this is because when I come back after living this out; everything they said about me (Hope of God Church, Los Angeles) that was bad goes to the wasteland and none of it will be able to hold true in the counseling of God if they still stay ardent born again believers. It's like they wouldn't have counted in the first place anyway, if they want out in this whole pretending to be a Christian thing- if being fake is what they are I mean. 

Weird Coincidence

I'm pretty much being like that- well, that's what I'm telling myself right now as I write this sentence. In some cases, poker is one of those gambling games that can cause some people to just continuously lose money and even lose their mortgage - haha. I guess it could be true. The reason why I bring up poker is because whenever I play it for awhile on my computer, I feel this craving to go watch porn. I just don't know if poker is a bad thing for me because I don't know how poker and porn are related. Well, the first two letters of each word are the same and they both sound similar- I wonder if porn is just trying to seek its way into my conscience.

Now that I think of it right now, watching porn too much is such a stupid activity and can be very gross at times and even worse it can ruin a loving relationship with the spouse. I think the performers are in a totally different world than the viewers are in and could be really endangering their souls. I just can't really continue in living a pure, single life without the Lord continuing to work in my heart. I remember trying to discuss about sexuality with my younger sister a few times, and she would just start acting all childish and start nagging me to stop by covering her ears and saying that I'm so nasty- haha.

I don't know about you but watching porn for me can feel like self-abuse at times for me. It's pretty often if I stumble into porn then I end up masturbating and calling myself stupid each time after the act is over. This is really embarrassing for me to reveal on this blog and no, I'm not gaining a hard ignorant heart over writing about straight-forward things with my life. I believe that overall, I just need to be able to stay permanently patient with the working of the Holy Spirit in my life dealing with sex.

I would like the Lord to genuinely examine my heart through the pages of the Bible and help me to understand what my needs are dealing with this sexual desire that I have contained within me. I've studied pretty well about what females are about, but have not really used it in chasing after their skirts - haha. I guess I'm like a coward at times from feeling like I'm too short to approach someone to date. I'm also thinking that even if I was taller then I would probably just be more laid back with girls in general and just keep it naturally smooth with them like I'm trying to do right now still. A few good girls have already approached me as a dating interest, and I was just cool about it. Despite some of them being taller than me, a lot of them are already in a relationship now and hope they have the best because I'll be praying for their life to be blessed. The few interested girls who were shorter than me are in a relationship too and they seemed confident of me being good to them so I guess this whole marriage plan could be a natural thing for me someday. My mom has told me that even though I'm short, I look normal and it's very likely that others won't really see my height as something that bothers people in general - except for those exceptionally weird ones haha. I know a guy whose like that- haha. I feel confident still in being a pretty big person for my height, and some good friends have mentioned that about me. According to my mom, my height is slightly taller than the average lady so I'm not handicapped with my height or anything.

I'm really realizing that this straight-forward, no hold bar for me on this blog is really helping me connect better with what I desire. I'm even sharing enough of it and feeling more confident with friends around me. I'm definitely becoming more self-reliant and able to encourage good people to share some of their knowledge with me to help me along the way. I feel really blessed to have some good and warm people to encourage me in my life. It's just without a doubt that they have helped influence me in wanting to be a charitable person by wanting to give back to God with donating only a couple million dollars each year.

Overall, I really need to organize my computer desk again. There's so many envelopes that I have lying around here and it's all messy and I seem to still type away on my blog day in and day out without realizing the mess around my room. I have some good books that I stored away just for the sake of looking at it again later and I think I should really pick it up again when I can find some time to myself. I realize that I only have a minute portion of the world's knowledge stored in my bookshelf. 

Genesis 3:15

Website sources:
1. http://pastorrandysblog.blogspot.com/2007/10/more-on-genesis-315-and-hope-for-future.html
2. http://www.angelfire.com/nt/theology/gn03-15.html
3. http://www.biblemeanings.info/Bible/Genesis/ch3,v15-m.htm
4. http://www.markdroberts.com/images/Crucifixion-bones-3.jpg

Genesis 3:15 From now on, you and the woman will be enemies, and your offspring and her offspring will be enemies. He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel. 

The Scriptures do state that it points to Jesus. I believe taking the evangelical approach like this pastor did (Source 1) makes the explanation seemingly fit which I am grateful for. I'm always going to rely on how Jesus fits in every Bible verse now when I'm studying it.

I take notice that the serpent's head and the Son of God's heel are on two opposite spectrum. A source mentions that the heel represents the lowest corporeality and the head is the dominion of evil or at its highest peak (Source 3).

In my opinion, Satan is struggling because of the Son of Man and being brought low as the Bible mentions the serpent crawling on his belly to the dust; all that Satan could muster in his strength was to influence the sins of man to nail Jesus on the cross which was not enough to bring an end to God's salvation.

I just added in the part about the difference between Christ's heel and serpent's head. The real significance of the heel is that the death on the cross meant a nail being driven through the heel which is a very painful death.  Check out Source 4 for a picture on crucifixion bones.

At Satan's heyday, the Lord promises that he will be defeated as already foretold in Revelations. The verse says that Christ will crush the serpent's head. This verse is prophetic to me in that Jesus shall defeat sin and that God has already fulfilled His promise of bringing man salvation.

Source 2 gave off this excellent theme that works in how from this verse, we can infer that there are two types of seeds working in us; basically we have knowledge of good and evil and that ultimately we get to choose to entrust Jesus as our Savior. 

Happy New Years Day

It's pretty neat that you have Happy New Years Eve and Happy New Years Day, which are pretty much like two holidays in succession. It's also like this with Christmas and it's too bad that Black Friday might not really count as a holiday, right after Thanksgiving Day. To my knowledge, there's only two holidays that Americans celebrate in succession.

I think there's an annual holiday that I'm sure guys would want a night off with but varies in the month of February; I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about- it's the Superbowl! I don't really feel like I'm in the mood for talking about sex right now using this blog. I think I feel tired about talking about it because I feel like I'm in control over it. Wait until I mess up in that area then it's like a red alert that happens to my life and I want to start opening up about it.

I'm pretty much not a type who opens up that much because generally inside, I'm just pretty mellow and feel bored about fretting or making dumb comments in my life. I've been there and done that- I'm just siding with the effects of relying on my natural highs. I guess finding a cheery and attractive woman to partner up with for a family wouldn't be so bad after all- it seems like it would be really hard to pass up. I can't really find myself chasing after some weird people anymore; maybe, others will have better luck if they ask me for some help because I'll help the person out with some knowledge and info. What's good should be made room for in giving a shot eventually.