Okay, I really need to keep myself off of porn now. I have some type of sex addiction underneath my body. My testosterone level is not really that stale and occasionally wants to act up still like when I was a teenager. I was a depressed teenager and didn't really live out its full potential but now it wants to act crazy and I'm falling prey to it unintentionally. I'm an adult who can logical trace these things for myself personally now which is the difference between life and death for me. The ideal strength for showing how much I have in patience will be allowing myself to deal with this temptation for being out of control sexually. I know that my mind is pretty good at encouraging myself in getting things done when I put in all this effort and that's what I really need to do now with this whole sex issue that's beneath me.
I'm just not some one-dimensional guy anymore like when I was a kid which would have made getting out of this issue so much easier. Because I'm just like a regular guy, this is so much harder for me now. I need to go back into my state of doing hard work and just exercising patience in that real difficult time of experiencing that strong emotion to go out of control for me.
Everything will be like feeling that things are working against me that I should feel bad about leaving the porn behind. I need to act swiftly and correctly when that moment of attack arrives for me and to do it daily or when it's needed until I don't really feel that type of disorder working as a part of me. If I could seriously accomplish this without being a weird fellow at the same time, then I will have a huge advantage over any circumstance dealing with others who act weird with me then.
Despite the girl Annie Tran over at Hope of God Church (if she still goes there) being weird to me, I can't help thinking that she is a pretty weak person naturally from being a woman. The thought of it is literally stopping me from like going any further with trying to mess her up really badly. If I can handle my sex situation which has nothing to do with her, then there is a total contrast in how she really can't handle certain uncomfortable situations whereas I can. I guess I could just try to be a beacon of light to her if I can get through this moment now. Right now, it isn't time yet for me to go back to that weird place near Al Hambra, California.
I'm glad that I was really forced with this time upon me even though what they did was wrong. If I didn't act mad about the situation a little, then I'd be called crazy which is what I tried to do. Besides being called crazy from some overreacting people which is making me laugh so much now, I have this valuable time set aside for me now, and they are weird anyways so I don't really need to hang out with them. The reason for this is because when I come back after living this out; everything they said about me (Hope of God Church, Los Angeles) that was bad goes to the wasteland and none of it will be able to hold true in the counseling of God if they still stay ardent born again believers. It's like they wouldn't have counted in the first place anyway, if they want out in this whole pretending to be a Christian thing- if being fake is what they are I mean.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
