Okay, I'm making this post to sound like I'm being a little hard on myself because I have a guy's addiction problem if people know what I mean. Pretty much, my reason is because I feel like I'm lacking something so I'm engaging in a highly addictive behavior whether it be watching television or playing video games. I'm going to accept everything that's stupid and weak about me which is something that I have a really hard time doing even to this day. If I was strong in a certain area, then I would feel content about it and not really develop anymore into it but it looks like I'm trying to develop myself more in those addictive areas.
It's really difficult learning to let go of a behavior and not coming back to it especially if it feels like something is missing all the time. I guess I haven't fully recovered from it and need to be able to accept some suffering. I think I've gained a little more confidence in people nowadays, and now, I really need to fix myself in some bad areas that I'm noticing. It's getting very difficult because I forget a lot of good rationalizations to not indulge in something addictive. It must be because there's really no punishment for some of those things that I'm currently into. I honestly don't feel right about it and forget about this feeling all the time and then after engaging in it for a little bit, I recall and after the day passes, I feel really mad at myself for wasting valuable time.
It looks like I prefer doing this on my own and that it's going to just have to be a continual effort to not really give into it and to also be able to understand where it's socially acceptable to engage in it and to be relaxed about it and not get so hung in on it. I feel like I'm going to be making a million mistakes over and over again without really changing the method for awhile which feels dumb, but I'm accepting with myself that I'm going to be constantly making the same mistakes and going to be doing something about it to try to relieve any situation or problem I ever get into. There's this emotional attachment I seem to have regarding some bad obsessions, and it's going to take me awhile to mature in this personal area and to learn how to obtain and appreciate it in a moral and moderate fashion.
Overall, it looks like I do want to change permanently in some areas because I believe that it will be for the better. I'm talking about things like working on health and fitness or putting more time into interesting hobbies which I usually forget about ever considering. I need to try to get some more bad stuff out of my system and going to give a lot more effort into it. I guess I just see rooms for improvement in my life and find it really difficult to adjust at getting there because of these addictive emotions that really point me to the wrong path sometimes. In a nutshell, I'm trying to master a life of purity and self-control right now with absolute dedication to hard work and lending decent support to good people. Looks like it's going to be awhile, no matter how hard I try to complete it faster. The best thing I can right now is to just try to be sharp and focus on the big picture right now without worrying so much about succeeding over the little things. Sure, there are some little things in the back of my mind that I want to be successful at, but I think I really need to succeed at the important stuff first before I can have some time for the little things.
This is going to be my motto which I'll probably modify and adjust so that it can fit my needs- "Succeed at the big stuff before making time for the little things."
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
