Getting Closer To Autonomy

What I see in dealing with becoming successful is just hard work, and this trait that just never throws in the towel during disappointment or failure. Any obstacle that the person goes through, the successful types will find a way to pull through. In my opinion, that is why one needs to have a job they really would love or something to strive after to really be successful for the long term. A guy I know, okay he's F. Chick haha, wants to be a model so bad and just never wants to give up at it-okay, that is not really a bad thing to get annoyed by because he continuously just tries to parade himself in letting it be known all the time. He also ends up just keeping on saying on how he just has such a beautiful body and that he deserves everything in this world and seriously believes it that it drives him angry sometimes haha. He continuously compares himself to others and thinks of himself as having better appearance than most people, but the funny thing is that his twin brother says that he is a very ugly guy and means it very seriously haha. I guess if you just continuously say what you want no matter what- you could eventually convince yourself that it's there even though others know that there isn't a chance haha.

I'm noticing that a lot of my friends are like how they really want to be a part of something special but still keep themselves occupied with something else. Dreams don't have to die away with the passing of life. I feel like I lost a lot of valuable years because I put myself through a lot of pain to study and earn a pretty cool degree!  I mean there was this whole fear underneath me of feeling fatigued about studying or doing anything in life- it was a phobia so great that it would turn my stomach into like butterflies. I still managed to suck it up and do a whole mess of weird stuff along with at least barely accomplishing what I wanted. I didn't even go to my own college graduation ceremony- I just packed my things and left after I was done with all my classes. I was like just 'good riddens' after finishing all my courses haha.

Now, I realize that I was pretty dumb for not making my time even more effective. I gave it my all which is probably what meant the most and without giving it all in the past, I wouldn't have finally come to this state of personal peace and awareness to be able to withstand myself. One of my greatest challenges of late is to work very consistently on my own time and pace. I hope to master it so that I could take a pretty strong stance that could surpass a good amount of people. Maybe, I did deal with true bipolar depression while at school. How I came to terms with it is what I don't fully know because now I'm laughing at my every thought of struggling with some task and actually quite enjoying the mood of trying to get it done. I guess I just have to work hard and get it done somehow and put a lot of time into it without really expecting crazy results because it's all done out of really wanting something for fun.