I really need to stop wasting some time right now. I have to put it back into gear and let go of some things that are going on with my personal time and use it for better enrichment. I guess I'm just the typical guy who just likes to goof off while keeping it to himself- yeah, that could get old really fast. The problem is that it's like a bad addiction because I keep going back to it after maintaining discipline for like a month. I think I notice the problem right away and take about two days to readjust again and then I'm good to go for like another month.
For some reason, I'm dealing with these implied expectations of living up to people's desires. I've pretty much had it all along, and it sometimes makes me feel pressured while I'm doing something tedious like work. I really feel like how work can really kill sometimes; however, I really need to be accepting of the situation and become proficient at it so that I could have a clean and acceptable routine for awhile. Since I found an activity that I could work on for life even while I retired, I know there's a lot of good stuff I want to be a part of. I really need to repent of my sins and seriously rely on God's grace to keep me from going back to a misleading life which I know about and what I'm doing. These obsessive feelings of mine are getting easier to control now and I can see that maybe having some form of reliance on commitment could actually be better.
Right now, I'm really trying to tap into trying to fix myself with this lack of productivity these days. Spending some time everyday to meditate on how I'm going to go about to fix it is being really beneficial for me. Eventually, I hope to gain a lot of confidence in having a good and profitable routine that I could really engage myself in doing a lot of cool stuff which will require lots of energy. I just have to live with being able to be confident in my own abilities and that it's going to take some time so I should be patient and never lose heart. In other words, I'm also thinking it's not a bad thing to get bored of mundane television shows or those never-ending RPGs that require some talent because those things were created for having fun in the first place and not for wasting huge amounts of time with. There really are lots of things I want to get involved in just that sometimes I feel sidelined and out of breath so I go out trying to do something fun. Maybe, having fun in necessary things like socializing or working on a hobby could be the way to go when I'm not feeling it.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
