Letting Go Of Insecurities

Every so often I do some weird stuff in my life which is probably considerably normal for an average person with a sinful mind. About this whole God not existing sort of thing, I'm looking at some possible reasoning in that one could say that because God lives outside of space and this world that He is not active and nonexistent to us. On some accounts of the Bible, there are stories about people seeing celestial beings for one instance. There's also the Christian belief that Jesus walked the Earth at one point and that he's God incarnate. Of course, one would have to go to great lengths to be able to trust in the Bible as the living Word of God and I think I could be sensitive about it if others want to doubt in it or just not follow in Christ's footsteps. I'm actually proud to be a believer of God's grace and know that I'm trying to work on it everyday to let go of insecurities that cause me to sin daily. It's just a dumb and stupid ritual of an attempt to cleanse myself of any doubt and really lacking trust in God for those few moments I'm in sin.

With this problem I have, I'm just losing heart and not being courageous enough to stand faithful to God at times. My heart is wicked and evil and the first time I heard someone say that, I was offended. Now, I really see the depravity of my sins even though it really affects nobody right now but myself. Having heart and standing faithful and courageous with no matter what is going on with my life is what I really desire at the moment. I feel like I'm really always rushing myself in this state of panic of wanting to finish something with reaching a good level of satisfaction. I'm going to try sticking to what worked for me holistically and effectively by going back to my roots. This time I'm tossing my own stress out of the equation and going for it. Timing in its essence just feels like beating me to the punch. It's going to take me a lot of time to recover because I personally know where I want to be now in this world. I get to save some money in getting professional help or counseling haha by writing on this blog or writing truthfully about those weird types who said that I should get help but who aren't really that successful anyway going all haywire with me haha. I know some people asked me to get some help and meant it seriously but I take it in as a joke now. I think they should get some help from me because I'll try to help them out there. They can buy me lunch instead of me treating them out for my wages haha.