New Years Resolution

A few days before New Years Eve, I might as well just go after living with what I want to do.

Once again I have it listed so I'll just copy it down and just feel good about it from seeing the list:

Bible, exercise, trade, errands, socialize, bowling, indoor climbing, piano, sing, dance, guitar, cook, grow hair, make virtual reality game, get a girlfriend, have fun at amusement park, snowboard, work at jobs, do cyber-security and competitions, master's, build combat robots, and work on health.

This is a lot of stuff to keep myself busy.

The things that distract me are the same old: pretty much turning on the TV set and sitting there surfing the web and playing card games. I could probably do better than that while I'm bored.

Well thanks for tuning into my blog, if you read through some of this. I'm pretty much done for the whole year now. So I'm signing off until next year then everybody!

Have a great 2016! Hope you had a great Christmas and enjoy your upcoming New Year's!

Revisiting That Old Church

Thinking about stupid Lee again with her past restraining order that got her nowhere, I'm just starting to just not care how crazy she was. In addition to being stupid, at least she didn't get that very far with whatever she was trying to accomplish with me. She was just going donkey kong mode with me because she was mad that I wouldn't listen to her.

I was just putting up a stubborn act and it was scaring them because they didn't know what I was talking about. It's actually pretty funny now and something that took me a long while to get over even though it wasn't that serious. It is very irritating even though the whole situation turned out to be trivial. In a sense, I feel like it makes stupid Lee look really bad while it gave me something to learn off of as a valuable life lesson.

Wow

This format of writing isn't really anything special. It's just like a little routine and I don't really expect anything out of it except for it being sort of just practicing on being a more eloquent person. I've been practicing with a personal sense of humor and honestly, it really helps me out a lot. I'm glad that I've been around certain friends and even though a few close friends of mine have been mentally retarded, I guess it's how it is sometimes.

Maybe getting a girlfriend will seriously be the right thing for me. I think going for settling down with her after realizing she's a good person regardless of what she looks like, is going to cut it for me. If she can put up with me and just loves me for who I am, I won't mind working things out with her and being there when she needs me.

Things Don't Always Go To Plan

One thing that may help a lot is just hard work and going after doing things that make sense. I guess I'll see if that girlfriend of mine ends up being actually real in the end. I don't really know if I'm going to be in a relationship so far, but I guess I'll find out in the next few days. I think I just need  to be patient and also wait for it.

If it's not going to come my way, then I need to go seek for it again then and just keep working at it. I think I will be happy in just doing the right thing to the best of my ability.

Getting My Priorities Aligned

I guess having a job is wonderful and to be able to make a living for it. It's sort of like a home, but to go home and not have any wife or kids, man life is sort of lame man! To be at the age of 33 and not have anyone, yeah something is wrong.

I'm not really sure what's wrong with me, but now I'm thinking that playing video games or watching TV just might not be my cup of tea now. I'd rather go outside and enjoy life and do something with the family or something like that.

I wouldn't mind making video games for a living though and it would be a pleasure to play video games in the hopes of making them better for a profession. I seriously wouldn't mind doing that. Maybe, I do have a small cold right now so that's why my mind is acting a little sloppy right now.

What I'm Sort of Feeling

I'm feeling like I'm lacking attention right now. I really do enjoy having company with people and having a good conversation. I guess I really do need a significant other than. I might as well keep working on myself for one then. Now I'm starting to think that appearance doesn't really matter so much in a person.

I do really want to look at the person's inner beauty though and what my struggle still is to this day is the thought of settling down with a taller woman who could be a different ethnicity. Could it really work out? If it's all in love, then I guess it really could.

Back To Analyzing Self

Okay, so now I'm thinking to myself that playing card games or going after watching TV and movies won't be much of a life for me now. It feels very nihilistic in a way and I don't really like that. With all this precious time that I have to myself, I'm just letting it pass by indulging on my mindless addictions and wasting a lot of time.

Now that I'm waking up to it, I just have to realize that maybe it's not really all that worthwhile with a few of the things that I'm staying consistent with doing. I'm lacking a lot of time management and just not paying attention enough. It's not good at all for me and I could do better.

Not Really Much To Write About

I guess I have a little bit left to catch up for this year and it just seems like I don't really have much to write about anymore. I guess the good thing is that I have something that's been up here for years now. I don't really get any recognition which would be nice, so I guess I'm just not born smart enough or good looking to get that type of kind. Anyway, having too much of it wouldn't probably be a good thing anyway. I'm pretty happy with where I'm at then.

A lot of my thinking right now is that it's just very mellow and not really all that engaging right now. I guess I'm just in existence and not really feeling energy to do much. I think it's just sitting around for me. It's pretty cool though that I've had some buddies come through for me at least just one time. I'll probably never see a lot of them again, but hey, that's just life too.

Starting To Think For Myself

I'm not really feeling all that great about just sitting around and not doing much for a vacation. I don't really have to work so I feel like things have slowed down for awhile. I'm about getting back into recovery mode again. It's too bad that I don't really have much going for me and I guess it's life.

I just finished reading the Bible and all day I was just going back to my weak and very bad habits again. I'm now thinking to myself what would this amount to and it's not very much now that I think about it. It feels good and that's for sure, but after all of that I've been through, I think there's something more worthwhile to seek after and that's what I'll go after then and just be patient about it.

It Is What It Is

I'm starting to lighten up and just be much happier. I'm no longer feeling paranoid about the cops coming over to arrest me for something that they mistook to be illegal about me. It took quite awhile to understand what was going on with me.

I'm currently typing on my iPhone while waiting in line at a Six Flags theme park. This blogger is a little buggy as well right now.

Making Adjustments

I'm back to gaming the Forex market again and even though it's slightly boring for me, at least it's something that can bring me pleasure in making some money without having to really be there to monitor like the job I'm currently in. For a job that I want, I really belong in the IT industry and there's no doubt about it in my mind now.

I'm going to have to stay away from entertainment and leisure for awhile and trade it in for time in becoming a self-starter for a job that I would love to wake up to each morning for making a living. Obviously, I'm going to bored after awhile so that's why I want to be so good at Forex because it will be my ticket to an independent life. I'm willing to work for it and take some calculated risks to turn myself into a moderate expert.

Writing Because I Have To

This is pretty much how I feel right now. It's a chore to putting something on this blog for me. Now that I'm sort of smiling a bit. It looks like nobody really cares what I have going for myself.

I'll put down that it might be official in me actually finally having a girlfriend. It's like no big deal for most people I guess, but for me, I haven't really had one for a long time. I say in the fashion of not really to put up a nice point.

I think I had a girlfriend for a few weeks but don't think it counts. The end of my story? I was kissed by a pretty chubby girl too after two dates and she wanted to have a baby already with me. I was like umm, no and not because she's fat. Okay, it was that I was annoyed with how she couldn't do anything with me because of her big and fat weight. She couldn't take a jog with me that easily and she was walking like a cripple. It was totally ticking me off!

It's a story in that I exchanged a kiss with someone other than my family and she's the one who initiated it. I didn't really feel much of a buzz or that excited feeling of love so I guess it's not true love's first kiss for me. I haven't had that going for me. My buddy is so enamored about getting there and he's very anxious about it and uptight and won't even admit to it by arguing that he's a normal person. I don't think he's normal in that area of finding love, if you ask me!

Fixing Habit

I'm going after an early New Years resolution already. It's pretty much the same drill in that I'm trying to read the Bible, workout, and trade. This time around I'm trying to limit my times of watching TV and playing cards. I don't think it's really that worth it for me.

In the mean time, it will be good for me to do extra Christmas shopping at the last minute for my errands. Time is precious for sure and it's just cool that I'm starting to get by these days. Might as well become a self-starter with the career that I want to involve myself in now no matter how hard it may be for me.

Back To My Bigs

Okay, I'm going to try to limit my attention to watching TV again and playing games and go for something else. The only time I guess I will play games and watch movies is with a friend or a date. If it gets suggested I guess.

On the mean time, I'm going to just deal with my urges to play cards to pass the time and also watch TV by myself. Instead I'll try doing something else now. I'm trying to get myself into making virtual reality games. It would be a lot of fun and very difficult at the same time.

Basically, my big objective is to pretty much read the Bible, work out, and trade. I'm trying to add in cooking healthy as well and to be able to sing and dance pretty well too. I'd love to play the electric guitar and form a band someday too.

The little things that I'm trying to do is to run errands, socialize, and include a girlfriend in my life. I guess those are the things that I want to do now.

Listing Activities In Order of Preference

Next year, I'm switching back to a day shift. I was the swing shift for the longest time and it had its advantages. I think it's very good if you have a wife and some kids. I don't have those things, so by going back to day shift, I guess I get to spend more time socializing and learning about myself while trying to keep a great relationship with a girl alive. I'm about 60% sure, she's being real with me right now. It does feel good though to communicate with her daily through texts.

The way that my daily life is looking will probably be like this:

wake up and wash up, get some breakfast and nutrients into my system, go to work, drive back home, run errands or start working on something, work out or socialize, shower and do some stuff to make my hair grow, read the Bible, and catch up with working out or doing something.

On the weekends, I'm looking at having a lot more time except not having to work unless I have to do overtime. I'm seriously not really enjoying putting all this time into this career that I'm doing. It's really not for me. I now understand why I have to work hard to get to where I want to be now. I also need to be a self-starter to get somewhere in life now.

It looks like I didn't do enough soul searching and was never really mature to get anything done. With everything that I'm doing now, I'm going to have to make my activities more compact and precise with a good motive.

Possibly Taller Girlfriend

Okay I'm listing out the things in priority that I'm doing. I pretty much watched TV again yesterday night before falling asleep like at 3 am. I think I can get away from doing that then. With some time to kill, I've been doing a little bit of house cleaning. It reminds me I need to get back into doing that and go for Christmas shopping.

Fortunately, it's a lot easier from having access to a computer so I can just research and order something on Amazon for the people I want to present a gift with. This year seems pretty interesting because it finally looks like I could be ending up with a girlfriend and she's no ordinary one- a pretty cute and very loving one. If this is like magic that's happening for me now, then this significant other will be taller than me by like three inches! Adding that with heels on, she's going to be so tall. Oh well, let's see if I can work out something with it. She said that she's good with it and it's more about true love. I'm the same way back with her, and I'm not really a jealous type and seeking for positive attention so if I draw some situations with guys trying to hit on her and being jerks then I'll stand my ground. I'll just be protective of her if she's feeling uncomfortable and that's about it I guess.

I'm at a disadvantaged 5' 3". It's better than nothing and some days I wish I was more average in height, but I do look pretty well proportioned which is what some people do notice with me. I stand there sometimes and cry underneath while listening to a person's story because I envy that person's height and the fun life that he or she has lived. It doesn't stay there for me and I think the key to me being happy about my appearance is really just mainly from working out, being successful, and creative while taking on a personal sense of humor.

A recent date with a friend who is not this tall girl I'm talking about is shorter than me by a few inches. When we went out and took a nice photo and then I posted it on Facebook, it attracted the most likes from people I've ever had in my life of having Facebook to begin with! I'm taller than her and people were like asking if we're married. Even her older sister was saying we look cute together. Maybe, I won't have any problems appearance wise if I date and end up marrying a cute and petite Asian girl who is shorter than me.

Putting On Thinking Caps

With the so many activities that I've planned out, honestly because of my job I don't really have time to finish them all in one day. I think I'll just have to settle with doing bits and pieces. I still haven't been able to accomplish this yet.

I'm really going to have to give it a try. One of the things that I shouldn't really be doing is just watching T.V. or surfing the Internet mindlessly. From recalling some fun things in the past, I can also just form a question that I'm really curious about and go after reading some information on it. It's basically about trying to store trivial information. I don't think I can really afford to that now if I really do want to live this full life I have planned for myself.

I might just have to settle with not giving into it now.

Faltering A Little

Okay, I didn't really get much accomplished today except just watch a whole bunch of YouTube videos that I probably shouldn't have looked at in the first place. I guess I was just going for watching something flashy. After having been awhile from YouTube in that manner, I was sensitive about going back to it. Now that I've been acquainted for almost several hours for today, I can tell that I might even become desensitized to it already!

Okay, I have goals that I want to accomplish and decisions to make in getting there. For me, it's just a matter of getting around to trying to do it and going from there. It's not really that tough as I usually make it out to be.

Today

Well, I today made plans on how I was going to socialize during the weekend after working out. I guess that was my personal time that I decided to go into doing that. One of the things that I did yesterday that I could have laid off of was watching T.V. again. I'm relapsing into doing that and I could have tried to keep my mind off of that.

I think the important thing right now is to go find someone to settle down with, work on making a living that I would be happy with, continue to build a relationship with God, and have a healthy lifestyle. These are the things that I'm struggling with and I'm not like panicking so much as I used to. I don't have that much anxiety anymore, and I'm actually pretty approachable even though I know I could be pretty bad. From having that type of fiery personality, I'm being left alone more often.

I guess I'll try to deal with my boring job at the moment. I want out and to move on to something greater now. I'm going to have to be a self-starter because I'm too old to be given a mentor and a fresh start from another huge company that has interest in me. I need to make up for some things to make myself stand out and so that's what I want to go for. I want to be like a shiny star that just appeals and pops out.

Reviewing Yesterday

One of the things I lived up to is mainly just working out yesterday and that's pretty much all I made time for. Oh yeah, I also played some guitar too and played a little bit of piano. Okay, now I'm realizing that playing on the piano that's out of tune really sucks so I need to keep at playing some that is in time. I'm going to avoid playing my out of tune piano now and go after sticking to my keyboard. I'm going to have to pay someone to tune my regular piano eventually. It's probably going to cost quite a bit of money to make it work. I guess I'll look around to see if I can get a deal.

Let's see I missed reading the Bible, doing some errands, bowling, indoor rock climbing, dancing, cooking, trading, and working on a virtual reality game. I have so much that I could do and I just don't really have the time to afford doing them because I struggle with making time to do them. I'm a little all over the place. I guess that's normal to begin with. 

Starting To Not Feel Mad

After letting my heart out through messages that are not replied back to, I'm starting to not feel that bad anymore. I guess sometimes it's not a bad thing to not reply back to someone. It's just quite possible you could just be busy or going through something where you just want to be left alone.

I remember going through a period where I wanted attention from others and to be spoken to but I just get left alone. It's just one of those times that everybody goes through I guess and to some degree it can be a big thing or not. I don't know how I really got over it, but I guess it just came from developing self-confidence and working at socializing. It's been mainly just having a lot of patience and it's rewarding to wait for a bit and get a response back from an attractive friend or love interest.

Spending Time Wisely

I could have probably brushed my teeth again before having gone to sleep and put on some Rogaine. Okay I haven't gone to the gym in a few days. I need to go back to it again and that's what I plan to do. I would like to workout on something everyday. 

Once again, I want to get back to reading the Bible again. It's going to probably be dedicating about an hour at most for me each day to study the Bible. I didn't expect it to be that long but it looks like that's where it's heading. I have to embrace it for that then I guess. 

I'm trying to get a healthy routine going everyday and would like to avoid watching T.V. and playing video games during my own personal time. For the exception of video games, I'll accept singing and dancing games and going go for doing some electric guitar practice. It actually sounds pretty fun. I guess I'll just do a little bit of that then and see what else I can do to keep my day going. 

Okay I've been playing Magic the Gathering all day now. I think I'm going to quit that and not really go for watching TV and playing other video games. I'm just going to go for socializing then and doing errands and working out and going after my current job that I want to do. 

I'm trying to get this done for myself. Overall, I'm just going to read Bible, workout, trade, run errands, indoor rock climb, do some bowling, sing, dance, play piano, learn to play guitar, socialize, snowboard which I'm now in season to do so, go to an amusement park, make virtual reality games, cook, try to grow my hair, and make room for a girlfriend or wife and family. I can just list it then. It's just that my jobs I'm doing right now are killing me and I need to get out of them sooner or later. This is pretty much my life in a nutshell.

Update

I think I'm going to lay off of poker now for being a serious consideration of making money. It is pretty much a gamble to a degree and I don't really like being that close to having made it and then ending up losing in the end. It's exciting indeed so I'll have to put it aside and treat it as a hobby.

Because of my long work hour schedule, I don't think I can afford to do too many hobbies now. I did manage to read the Bible after I got up while having slept a long time today. I guess that's really a good thing.

Pretty much I'm looking at working out, trading, reading the Bible, focusing on video game development, socializing, and creating future plans. I believe that I am meant to be a coder, so might as well go after what I've sort of longed for and feel a pretty good passion for even though it might be really hard for me.

I'll have to see if I can add room for a Master's later on, but I sort of doubt it at this point in time. Exercising is pretty much a routine for me now. It's just going to the gym, doing rock climbing or bowling. Along with doing video game development, I want to try out cyber-security on the side now so I'll look into that as well.

For fun, I'm still trying to add in playing the electric guitar and singing and dancing. I might not have that much time for it, so I'll probably just do one quick one. I need to become more consistent with brushing my teeth when I get home and putting on some rogaine before I go to sleep. I also would like to take my supplement that will help me become loss sore in the morning. I think I'll just brush my teeth anyway and go with the night feeling a little hungry, or I think I'll just make myself another small protein shake before I go to sleep.

I need to start being more disciplined again and keep it as a routine for me.

Future Plans

I'm working two jobs right now and they suck and not up my alley. However, I can't do anything about it and have to go for earning money. In the meantime, I could try to do the best I can with a few minutes to spare in trading currency and playing poker for profit. With both of them, I'm not really spending that much time on them, but I can see them both being very effective for me if I start making some explosive gains.

For a career, I'd like to make myself be a I.T. project manager with a specialty in programming. My other endeavor will pretty much be cyber-security which is exciting and it will about doing competitions for possible prize money.

That's pretty much how I had to vent what I want out of my career now. For personal stuff, yeah I definitely want to commit myself to a good girl now who is loving and compatible with me. I'm finding out that it requires a certain degree of patience to keep yourself from acting out all weird with a girl whether in person or texting her. It's worked out really well and I'm glad I learned that patience is my primary key to solving personal issues.

Reading the Bible is definitely going to be a good thing for me and I want to keep up with it. Playing the electric guitar and sticking to playing the piano while singing would be just phenomenal. Learning a few good dance songs would also be great. Working out, bowling, and indoor rock climbing as well. A lot of these things are really good and I look forward to trying to make all of this work out while limiting my own personal entertainment now for the time being until I can get rid of my busy jobs and replace them with a more productive and less time consuming occupation. I also want to cook and grow back some of my hair too.

Planning Life

This time around I am seriously about to make room for a girlfriend/fiancee in my life now. I get the whole dating scene better and don't really give a rat's poop if my advances get rejected. I'll just analyze and see if my chances are okay. The thing that I've struggled a lot with is if a girl I like is already in a relationship with someone or she's just not ready to be in one. It might be just about anyone whose gone through it.

I think the solution is to just continue building confidence and working on improving yourself. It's to also look for places where the grass is greener. When the opportunity knocks, I guess it's going to be a decision made from the heart then. I've been pretty numbed out emotionally with finding love, but I still get excited about the opportunity and happy with feelings of disappointment, loneliness, and sadness as well.

I See Where I Belong Now

Volunteering wise for no money, I can see myself operating on a person to save his or her life. It would be awesome to obtain this type of training and background from a very reputable source. It would probably take me years of training and also a lot of money to get it done. I just might do so if I have nothing to do in particular and I'm just well off in life. I'll also look into building combat robots too.

I think one of my obsessions that I need to learn to control to be successful in life is to understand how to manage my drive to be great at making money off playing poker and winning tournaments at MTG. I may just have to start trying different learning resources with a lot of trial and error to see if I can still wing out my unlucky periods and come up on top. It's just fun that way and wears me out constantly at the same time. I don't think I can turn these two hobbies of mine into a profession. I'm just going to have to be on the look out for how much I put my time into it and go for limiting them without getting to involved with them and later regretting my situation I've built myself up to be put into.

This time around, I would like to go for my own destiny and build myself in the direction, along with the Lord's help and inspiration, to go for not regretting what I did in the past and learning to put myself in a happier direction.

Spending Time Wisely

Again, I really want to spend my time so wisely that I can get everything that I want out of life while being satisfied and also be able to spend time with a girlfriend now. I'm ready to include her in now and even go for making her my wife.

Being short, I've thought about it a lot of moments in my life. Even though I've been pained through it, from just working out, it's actually made my life a whole lot better. Basically, one advice I have for short people who struggle with being confident about their own image from their appearance is to just work out and go for like a six pack.

From just being athletic, it puts you a little further out ahead of the pack and can land you a beautiful spouse if you work on your personality as well.

Being Productive

Okay, I might need to lay off on entertaining myself now as best as possible and go after just a clean and healthy mess of doing what I'm satisfied with doing. I want to go after some very clean time management.

So just listing it out again, I want to read the Bible, trade Forex for profit, work out, do some bowling, indoor rock climbing, learn to play electric guitar, play some piano, sing and dance, cook, and grow back some of my hair! I also want to get into making video games, so I feel that virtual reality games will be just so fun to mess with to make it more interesting for me. I don't care if my game is going to suck while hooking it up to a VR machine. I'll improve upon it later or look for some talent to help me out once I can get the kinks moving with it.

Later on if I'm like a millionaire and have so much free time even with a gorgeous wife and beautiful children, I'd like to learn some of that physician's trade and also some engineering technology that would allow me to be build a combat robot from scratch.

With technology wise in the IT field, I'd like to go for doing some hacking competitions as well and form and train a nice team someday. I'll make it happen. I just have to get out of my current jobs which is sucking the life out of me and making me work long hours.

Back To Trying Again

Well, I really shouldn't be playing video games while knowing that's going to be making me feel guilty. I really shouldn't be going for watching any T.V. either if possible. I think I really need to be more informed about this world is going. I should just optimize my situation to put myself in a better situation mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

There's really nothing fancy with my writing. It's just plain forward and nowadays, trying to find a purpose.

Trying To Do Things On Time

I think one of the biggest keys for me is not lose track of my time and get carried away with the fun stuff I do during my own lonely personal time. Basically, I'm just gluing myself onto the T.V. for like two hours sometimes and it totally makes me regret the lost time. It happens to me quite a lot. Since I'm feeling guilty over letting myself go like that, then I guess it means I have bigger priorities that I want to set myself to do but I just can't because I want to chicken out from the stressful feelings of taking on responsibility.

I also feel empty at times too and not in the mood so it just makes it twice as harder to get things done sometimes around. I can also let my mind move slow too so I can try to be collective. These are a few of my weaknesses that I'm trying to deal with. Yet with the time winding down after procrastinating, it's like I'm on the move again. I would rather be on the move often and have so much time to myself that I'm worrying about not knowing what to do with all this time. I think that's a healthy worry for me that I would always like.

Cool Honored

I'm actually going for typing something on here everyday now if I can. I want to be up to date. Just think of it. Anything that I could write on here whether it be good or bad, minus a few unmentionables that I will never go across the boundary to reveal. I'm not going to be that crazy because I'm not that up for the consequences.

So I'm about reading the Bible, exercise, trading, dancing, playing the guitar and piano, singing, blogging on here for a little bit, bowling, indoor rock climbing, and making video games. It's looks like I'm trying to make room for a girlfriend or financee now. I think it's about time that I finally had a serious relationship and see how well I can do.

Soul Searching

I think I seriously need a genuinely good routine now. As hard as it is, it's really hard to let go of the past which includes stupid Lee. I know I might not be sounding so mature talking about her in that way. It's pretty much just logically speaking a moniker I invented.

These anger issues of mine were only exaggerated because I let them foster while I was in misery. I should have just talked straight forward and let myself just take the embarrassment for revealing my feelings with these people. I was just too afraid to speak up because I didn't want to be seen as a bad person. It just doesn't matter when people are mad. They are totally blind and will try to find a certain direction that could lead them into shame and regret later on.

I have so many fragmented thoughts from almost just entering almost dream world. With this creative world that my mind is inventing, I can actually recall quite a bit of them which is oddly interesting because I'm still awake while my whole-self is trying to sleep. I'm basically keeping my eyes while sleeping and trying to do that. By doing so, I can also perform some basic functions if I had to while sleeping. I'm not sure if this is even possible.

Well, I'll be working at it I suppose and do the best I can. To keep going at it.

Thinking Of Ideas To Try

I'm no longer looking for trying to be a crazy troublemaker as I used to be with stupid Lee. Stupid Lee was so stupid that she took a restraining order and tried to put her friends on it to get protection from me. Stupid Lee was denied it and when she said that I was following her around, I didn't get to tell the judge that she was talking to me about the arrangement and being really mean about it. Instead of complaining like that to judge, I should have just yelled at stupid Lee to break her stupid habit of thinking stupid thoughts about me being a bad person.

It is what it is now in that I'm starting to make sense and talking funny about this whole thing. The bad part of all this is that it's actually truthful that I'm saying. I really think stupid Lee is stupid and it's my personal opinion of the subject matter and I have my own statements to back it up.

Yeah, I'm turning stupid Lee into partially the butt of all my jokes. After talking all this about stupid Lee, I actually have the nerve to still want her as a Facebook friend only to block her access to my page while we're friends on that site? It's sort of pointless and that's what I need to tell her that I wouldn't care about looking at her lame Facebook site to begin with. I just want people to see that we are friends on Facebook so I can mislead them into thinking that I forced her to be my Facebook friend. That's actually the whole point. I'm saying mislead them into thinking this way because it's truth and that's how I want it. They probably won't be mislead into thinking that way, so it will actually look good in contrary to what I want, so then that makes me a nice guy in the eyes of stupid Lee!

Might As Well Have The Idea

I think I'll just go after my own profitable thing where I get to set my own hours and make money off of it. It will basically just be my own thing. It's very difficult to do, but it surely is the ideal way and some would have to be totally digging their job if they didn't want it this way.

I think I'll try to keep the family business around in check as an obligation pretty much. I guess I don't really like what it's built off of for some reason. Then again, it's nice that I'm getting along with my sister who some of my female friends act like to begin with. Those friends would probably be like a sister to me then.

I think I want to make myself a definite candidate and keep working on myself more. Even though I'm a short guy, I still want to do amazing things.

From Feeling Boredom

I think I need to manage my time a lot better when I'm feeling bored. It's just easy for me to get lost and do something for like an hour and letting my mind get carried away. I guess it's not typically a bad thing then if I have something like that to keep myself occupied. It's a definite "Thank God for the Internet." Hate the sins that people commit on the Internet though.

Then again, I'm coming alive with the idea of going after a Master's degree and going after my field. My sister ended up joining my current job. Yeah, I'm a lucky son of a gun. I could be heir to a pretty thriving business that no one on the Internet knows about, except my close circle of friends. I'm not revealing anymore.

I don't really want to lead my dad's company because I sort of want to do my own thing. Maybe I'll just back it as an investor in the future and let the hard working minds and the people who actual want to stick to it do it and treat those employees like they are family. I'm keeping the family tradition around and I'll make sure to try to keep that.

Let's See How It Goes

I might end up seeing how it goes by marrying a taller girl. I'm starting to just not care about it now. As funny as it seems, height is just a number. Visually seeing the girl towering over me, boy it takes some character for the girl to accept me for a lover.

Definitely shorter girls who are interested in finding a man to marry, I can see them being pretty cool with me. From just working out and building all of that confidence and just going out to socialize and trying to do a whole bunch of cool stuff in general and trying to be cool and nice in general, I can see that those girls would be pretty interested in entertaining me as a possibility.

I have a few remaining areas that I need to touch up on before. I don't think height really matters that much if people are going to know that already. Well, for my height I'm actually pretty average in appearance so taller girls might just look like skinny giants while being around me. It's like she's going to have to try to ignore it whether I'm by her side or not because she might be able to just eyeball me from a distance.

I go out quite a bit and my buddy who goes with me is shorter than me.

Taking It Up A Notch

Okay I'm now playing poker at a rate of just going for earning at least $2.50 under like 15 minutes of play just putting in a nickel. I'm playing a very fast paced anonymous poker game that nobody cares about and it's like so annoying to lose! Okay, so when I do lose and not win anything because I decided to be a sucker and see the other chump's hand, I quit for the whole day.

I'm going for rock climbing again and have been paying a cheap membership for months and not visited. It's pretty bad and I have those climbing shoes that need to worn and from not wearing them, they are becoming like new and stiff again!

On to more interesting personal news, I'm trying to go for working out everyday now because I just find it to be fun to work out with weights and do something. Sweating and struggling to finish workouts never felt so much better. I enjoy it to a degree at least because I feel so healthy afterwards.

Let's see, I forgot to trade today and I think trading is going to my main source someday for making a nice quick income without having to work those long hours. It's an enviable job if you are good at it. I understand that and people think it's gambling at the same time, so they'll probably just marvel at how good of a gambler I am and think about why I have so many conservative moral values at the same time. I don't know. It's probably because I choose to align with the Christian faith as much as possible?

So that gets me thinking I should be reading the Bible too and I will do that. It's like I remember to do the Bible later on in my day and then like the devil sends in reinforcements to distract me and go like, "Nope too bad. Now do this tempting offer I have for you. Make money doing a job you don't like."

I have bowling shoes in my car trunk and still haven't gone bowling in awhile. I should go do that. Not to mention, the snow is just around the corner for me and I want to snowboard too all season. I also want to sing and dance to the Xbox kinematics device. It's way too fun. I think I'll just try it once. I also want to learn the guitar so I'll just dabble on it once maybe.

Instead of watching anime to bust my chops and fall asleep on the couch to have myself woken up by my mommy. I know it's embarrassing to still be leaving with parents. They leave me alone like 90% of the time at the house because I think I pay them useless rent money that they don't even need! Maybe it just shows that I have responsibility, so it sucks to not have my own place. It's embarrassing and I need to play some catch up. It would be nice to go with that direction.

Back To Creating An Awesome Week

I don't really know how things are going to be like for me in the near future. I just think it's really exciting at the thought of meeting a good lady and becoming married to her. I don't think appearances really matter that much even though honestly, I might be struggling underneath just a smidge.

Actually, from just working out, I don't really care to begin with period. I just have this confidence and feel good in general, so yeah, if I'm around a really chubby lady and she doesn't want to do anything then yeah, that's going to suck and maybe I'll say, not going to work out babe to her.

If this chubby lady is willing to go those extra miles and lay off those crazy good honey glazed and mouth-watering donuts and those McDonald's "keep you fat" combo meals, then okay, we have something going here. She's probably never been with a guy before so yeah, I'm willing to be patient with her then and reap the rewards.

Trying To Finish My Monthly Quota

I'm just typing anything. For the last post, it just made me laugh to write those sentences so I just decided close it off like that.

Personal Secrets To Protect

There's a secret that I won't ever talk about on this blog. My friends already know what it is, so it's no big secret if you are in my circle. If we just met, I might be just open to tell you my secret. On this blog, I'm never going to mention it.

At Liberty

I seriously feel that I'm at liberty to do almost anything I want to please my flesh. However, I'm trying to make a balance. I surely made mistakes by going back to the church repetitively even after stupid Lee's restraining order ended. The results were ugly. I might still be going back just to yell at them this time. I don't care how wrong it is or what people are thinking. They can warn those people because I just communicated it that I might come back just to yell at stupid Lee and then leave. I don't care what the best code of conduct is here. This is for my sanity and I feel the need to just yell at someone like stupid Lee and she's the best candidate because she's stupid to begin with.

For those of you joining this blog, I'm stating stupid Lee put a restraining order on me over something that deal between us. Yes, she has issues. She was trying to be mad for her friends that she didn't want me talking to. One of those friends she was trying to protect told me that she would consider adding me as a friend on Facebook. I was so frustrated about this silly thing which doesn't even matter. If I just yell it out and talk about all their weaknesses, it's seriously going to set waves that they don't like. At least I'm leaving in the end and that's what they want me to do which is never coming back.

If I yell at them and cause a ruckus and make them look bad and not come back again, they'll treat me like a lost cause. I can just leave it like that and leave room for doubt in their minds with the actions that they did with me. Just to get over my fury and all this anger and hurt and disappointment I've had. I just want to yell it all out and express it to stupid Lee. Yeah stupid Lee was crazy to begin with.

Trying to Get Better

Once again, I'm looking to rock climb, bowl, sing and dance, play electric guitar and piano, trade stocks, and play just a little poker. I'm realizing that I do like to gamble just a little bit for fun and it's just for the excitement. It's just opportunity that I'm looking for and sometimes with everything going for you, it just doesn't happen. It's this lesson that I need to toughen myself up over.

I'll just keep working at it and trying to trust in the Lord for delivering all my needs. It's just that patience I need to have and that I need to trust Jesus and maybe what I want selfishly isn't going to good for God anyway so we'll see where this goes.

Just Typing Really Fast

This month is almost over. I'm just typing anything. I have to get to my finish mark. I only have like thirty minutes to do this and I was wasting my valuable time this morning. I could do something better. It's like having this really bad urge that you mentally know isn't good for you. I think from feeling whack like that and anxious, you should still do something productive in that manner like praying to God an reading the Bible. From being so anxious and not being able to do anything and feeling that sense of panic, I think in that situation it's important to just relax and stay confident and keep at it.

No More Stupid Mode

Okay, I haven't typing anything on here for awhile. It looks like that I'm becoming so normal now that the cops aren't interested in chasing my tail now. That's just how I feel honestly. I was so paranoid in the beginning from stupid Lee being instigated for over something that wasn't really serious.

I guess it's not that serious now and I can tell that the church has been really struggling. Whether I decide to go back ever is still a mystery now. I haven't really entertained it now. One thing that is for certain though is that I just want to yell at them to let go of all the built up frustration I had with them. I just want to yell and scream out any comments that are just going through my mind while I'm just fuming.

I realize that I'm mad but I'm about trying to control it while being blunt at the same time. Just letting out anything that's just on my mind for some time and communicating what's on my mind. From being fully authentic and letting it out there, it's been beneficial for me in a way. It's like there's no other way for me. People do it also, but this is looking at it from my own perspective. I could just yell if people say something and I don't like it. People respond back in a quiet manner then if I do that. Okay, the arguments were never serious to begin with, and I'm thinking that I can't really be good friends with these church people so why am I wasting my time. I just want to get rid of my anger issues from just yelling at them. From doing that, I'm laughing at them so hard and from having done it once, I can just let it go and do something else. I need to test this theory of yelling at them to see if I really will laugh at them or even stay more mad at them than ever. I just don't know, and I don't even know if I'm going to go back on my words.

Proper Goal Setting

I've been like totally out of commission for like the last two weeks. The fact that I'm not allowing anyone to comment here has to mean that I'm treating this blog like a joke. Actually, I'm only intending on being an entertainer and don't really want anyone to argue with me, so I took off the commenting procedure. In all of the five years I've had this blog, with all the efforts I've made to try to get readers to comment on here, I haven't had much success at all.

I'm sure if I stuck to it and did some research and put more time into it then maybe I would get that feeling of glory. That feeling of attention and just bask in it while playing my modesty card and revel in like yeah, that feels good type of thought.

I'm going to try to read the Bible, work out consistently, eat healthy, trade, play the piano and guitar, dance and sing, and try to have fun with creating a business. I'm basically trying to do it all while being a single guy who is texting a few female friends. These female friends are pretty chill and attractive. I guess that's how I really prefer them to be in the first place. I guess I can go for searching a more tied down relationship but I don't think I'm ready for it. Not until I know I'm pretty set and have everything going for me. I'm still missing a few necessary things, but I do know that I will be supportive in some way and loving already.

Finally Happening

I'm now very confident about solving my problems with a few people. I have a reason with why I choose to not end it so soon. I'm worried about the mess it can create and I don't really want to publicize it with my friends who are there. Then again, I really have to question if those people are really my friends then if they are going to criticize my behavior. Maybe they themselves want to be selfish about the incident and just avoid negativity in general. If I were to engage in some activity that would embarrass those estranged peers of mine, then these so called friends would want to stay away because they wouldn't want to deal with my ire.

I think the reason why people bring up issues with me is because of my demeanor of choosing to be indifferent. It might create some irritated people and they might just complain to me. If I were to make myself a hard person to deal with, then I wouldn't really have anyone talking to me. I would also have to fend for myself. I guess that's how it is mostly in the real world and that's probably a normal thing for people to do to try to be successful in life.

I think having a warm nature and being kind is great to let all of that out with friends and people you accept. Having a well-established family and good spouse really does feed a lot of balance with creating boundaries with allies and political enemies. To know all of these general things and try to lead the way, I guess it's really healthy to just know how to win.

Patience

I think a lot of my insides really desire something to happen and there's pretty much a waiting period for it. Now I can really expect something good to be okay with a female friend who I initially had a crush with. I feel now that we are on pretty equal terms and could seriously balance each other out if we ever developed any serious relationship. It's been almost a year of friendship and she's been such a blessing to have as a friend.

One of my lonely friends asked me why we aren't dating. One of the reasons is that she's dating someone else right now and they've been going at it for a long time. I don't want to go in for a steal so I prefer going for the next best thing which is just asking about her preferences. I figure that other girls like her might be out there and I could go for one later on in life, if I get very lucky to meet her. I'm pretty interested in putting my best foot forward most of the time and staying gentle, while generally easy going about things are.

I seriously have a cool friendship with a few girls now and they are quite attractive I should add. I feel happy for a female friend who I wasn't really so keen on in the beginning. I just wasn't feeling really connected to her and she was just weird to me. Later on, I'm realizing that several girls can be like her as well to a certain degree and that I need to be accepting. The fact that my friend started taking some initiative to improve her appearance by trying to be sexy, it's actually been cool to hang out with her.

Establishing Swagger

One of my old trainers talked about me needing some swagger. It was while driving a school bus, and I really hated it. I was nervous about doing it because I was thinking about the negative labeling I could be exposed to by my peers. I felt the same way while trying to learn to drive a truck.

I had a coveted college degree after all and couldn't do anything to market myself because I was so weak at it. People were trying to give me advice on what to do and I was just hurting on the inside and feeling like exploding and attacking them from feeling sensitive about the whole thing. Well, a lot of that has changed recently after being able to hold a job for almost five years now. It's the longest I've ever gone in my career.

I'm looking to change careers now and grow there. I feel like I'm ready to deal with some of the hardships and disappointments and to also work at it to be a winner.

Dealing With Anger Issues

Some older ladies who are already in their 50s and slightly overweight from having undergone body changes may have anger issues. This might be the same for men as well. I'm realizing that people have these issues and it's like it isn't uncommon.

I am surrounded by great company of people most of the time. It's amazing to be around these group of friends and to socialize with a common interest. I really enjoy it. I'm still finding myself recalling some hard and painful incidents that fill me up with anger and I find myself yelling out swear words while no one is around. It's one of my lonely activities that I'm not too proud of. I have another that I do as well, but I'm not really going to explain it.

I'm now trying to limit myself in doing those activities the best I can. I'm embracing that I'm going to do those things that I would prefer not to. I have been pretty good about not saying swear words around other people though and it was a habit that I formed at around elementary school.

However, despite me limiting my vocabulary of generally accepted obscene words; I can't help but yell at people sometimes to let out my anger. I'm not afraid to yell at people now when they just end up making me feel offended while they are going on a power trip. The people who I have some problems with were just being selfish with some issues of their own. I'm not afraid to voice out in a straight manner what's painfully affecting me because my desire after all is to just get along with everyone in a fair manner, if I can help it.

Recommitting Myself

I'm realizing that one desire that I have stands out really well and may not really be God's intention. I think a lot of it really deals with being patient and mature and working at where the person desires to be with someone like a friend. Sure it takes a lot of practice and some mistakes will happen, but I guess that's what life is about. Sometimes have to just keep moving while feeling optimistic about things, I guess.

I'm not really so bothered about seeing cops around anymore. Like last night when I was driving home at around 3 am after a long night's work, I saw a cop pull right in front of my main intersection and block it off like there was some type of accident. If I was in my paranoid mood, I would have not liked it one bit. Yet, I'm closing in on these feelings lately and just learning to deal with them.

Wow

I have been trying to find some time to kill to type on this blog. It feels like some type of biological clock for me in that I need to put some effort into this site. After all, reading what I put from last time, I'm just sitting here right now going "Wow, is that what I really put?"

Anyway, with the humor that's part of my normal routine, a smart friend does the same to me as well. We exchange a little bit of banter which is fun to say the truth. I don't really mind about that and I'm staying very true to it without trying to one up him so much as I used to.

More Mature Dealing With Girls

I'm typing on this thing at this blog while standing here naked. I just got back from the gym and I'm typing away at this keyboard. There's nothing pornographic because I'm not putting a photograph of myself on here for the ladies to stare at my almost forming six pack and my other curious organs that they might be interested in looking at.

I'm about to take a shower after a pretty easy routine day at the gym. I had fun working out actually and I was all smiles from not really struggling that hard. I did do a few tough workouts like trying to max out my pull ups.

The most mature feeling that I'm getting is for my sister. I'm thinking about buying here a pretty girly gift for Christmas now. I'm seeing her as a lady now and joking around all cool with her. I don't feel that nasty feeling of contempt for her now. I guess I've grown over it and becoming more mature about how things are with people.

I admit that I'm selfish and want all of that loving attention from people and it has to be genuine. Not some type of like obligatory feeling. If I get enough of that then I feel like I'm on top of the world while putting on my modesty card all throughout my days. Sometimes I may get a genuine high and try to do something wild to have fun, but then again, I'm more sure about how I want to coexist with girls who are my beautiful friends these days and do fun stuff with them. I'm so cool about them being around their husbands and boyfriends and kids or whatever. Even the girls I like, I'm starting to feel in that manner too. I'm seriously getting better at being patient with myself.

Bizarre Feelings

I think it's normal to deal with weird feelings that just make you want to lose yourself with doing meaningless and fun activities. For myself, I've been playing FreeCell and Hearts to try to calm myself down and play them efficiently. I care about winning and I guess that's where my competitive edge sort of takes place for me.

It's just a little thing that I grew up with. It used to be all about playing Sega Genesis back when I was a teen. I had this ritual of playing some old fighting games like Street Fighter 2 and Virtual Fighters in expert mode. I managed to beat them and was committed to doing so. I had this weird feeling that I was wasting time. I even felt empty at times because there were those moments when acquaintances brought their systems over and I just gushed over the fun video games my parents couldn't afford to buy me. I was under a lot of torment and trying to hide away my shyness from turning to video games.

Nowadays, I'm not so shy anymore. I'm okay with talking to people. I've been more mature about dealing with my short stature in height. I'm just 5' 3" individual and okay, I might fall under being just a tad short than bare minimum. It really shouldn't keep me from enjoying a good life if I can work hard for it.

Typical View About Managing Success

In the world of Information Technology, three basic concepts run it: input, process, and output. Input in layman terms is basically what you are starting with. Process is doing the work to turn input into output. Output is the end product that can be sold on the market. As a Computer Science major, some of my old-time college professors occasionally mnemonized to us the acronym KISS which stands for keep it simple stupid (!). Henceforth, the invention of computer microchips by technologically savvy enthusiasts that perform complicated tasks from shuffling around two numbers - 1s and 0s.

From this proper anecdote, I'm able to draw upon three basic things for achieving success and staying consistently happy: patience, commitment, and reevaluation. Startling relating this to IT which is my undergraduate field of study, you may find it still easy to understand. Patience is what you are starting with or is going in to your systematic setup. Commitment is the process that you will be go through to achieve success, which includes hard work and sticking to it. Reevaluation will be gauging how you are feeling or your level of interest after obtaining some moderate results. It's pretty much then a rinse, clean, and repeat agenda.

Where I've found lacking in patience has taken me is that while trying to score high on my IQ tests, I quickly dismissed a couple bizarre questions from feeling time constrained. After receiving the answer and going back to review it, I probably gloated for over an hour regardless due to my senseless time management skills until I realized I can solve the problem. What I'm getting out of this is that if I had willed myself to hang on longer, I would have tested as an absolute genius that matches Stephen Hawking. However, I'm just a smart guy in the normal crowd with an IQ of 140.

Commitment is in a way like playing with fire. I was so committed to staying on top of consistently beating my friend Angel who has obsessively tried to keep on getting better. He is a formidable opponent now compared to how he was when he first started. From mentoring him like I was his "Yoda" with my supposedly unbeatable deck, he lit up with so much excitement when he ended up with consistently introducing decks and reckless ideas that would deliver my game to the abyss.

Reevaluating is so hard to stay true to especially when you know that feel-good and awesome, heart-pounding activity with a partner might be constraining your other commitments. Anyhow with Angel, I ended up playing a little too many fun games that would turn it into sleepless nights for me. Driving home tried at 5 am after checking in his place at like 11 pm? I guess I wasn't having it anymore.

Inspiring others is definitely a thing I see you can do if you master success and stay happy with it. With Angel, I realized that I was just a human guinea pig with my already established decks. He ended up assenting to me saying that I need to focus my efforts elsewhere for awhile to get things back in order for me. I let Angel indefinitely borrow all of my prized decks so that he could mock play with his own decks. I parted from this game in true and gentle spirit. I told him, "Get a job that you like and then I'll be back playing with you." Expected time frame? About a few years. Angel was already proposing on steps he'll take to invigorate his income earnings by the time I left his doorstep. Instead of feeling dreaded from losing a valuable playing partner, Angel had a sense of peace in him. "Buy me an Angel Horror card [pun unintended] for $30 for my birthday", Angel requested.  

Better Time Management

I feel sick to the bone right now because I told one of my friends that I would write her an article about success. I was just feeling that sense of calmness while all these details and approaches were going through my small head. I was just imagining all the sentences that I was going to write about and was holding back my laughter while in this state of absolute calmness and serenity.

I then texted her, hey I think I can write something for you. She's replied with like yeah, send it over. Hmm, okay.

Way I'm Seeing Cops Now

I see them driving past me. Those cops. Yeah, a few of them know how they are jerks on the field and just trying to do their job. They like to do their job very good. I actually know a guy personally who is a cop and another guy as well who is actually a pretty laid-back red neck.

Okay, the way I'm seeing cops now is that I rejected the idea that some of them close by where I live are trying to conspire against me! I was suspicious and paranoid of them for awhile because of stupid Lee trying to keep a permanent restraining order permanently on me. She put it on me because she said she would if I didn't stop talking to her friends at church. She was complaining to me that a girl didn't want to be my friend on Facebook. I ended up getting that girl to say that she would think about it. Stupid Lee is a person with issues. I want to just constantly yell at her until my anger problems go away!

My Kryptonite, My Weaknesses

I feel like my kryptonite is really wanting to be married, have an intimate and satisfying relationship, and be pretty well off in this world in the midst of scheme of things. While it's great to have so much fun because I struggled so hard at the beginning stages of my life, I'm falling into a pit constantly but I can't go any further down than I am already. It's like I've reached my lowest point and just can't become any more depraved than I already am.

I am currently at my worst. Nothing is really stopping me from reading the Bible and studying it though. I'm reveling at reading this commentary on it though and from it, it's helping me gain insight without putting so much effort as I should be doing. Anyhow, I'll pray with a broken and contrite heart because that's what I always do when I fall.

I Get It

I am actually a pretty smart guy on the average scale of intelligence. I might as well just try to go all out and give it my all and work hard for my happiness while being in accordance with God right? I don't know how many people in this world want to have a relationship with Jesus and I mean at a serious, intimate level.

I wrote this paragraph a little early and have to marvel at it myself in the direction I was led to. Oh yeah, I took the I.Q. test earlier and that made me feel a lot more accomplished and confident after taking it.

I think the biggest things I need to work on are just mainly diligence and patience. From having those two qualities, even though I felt like I was to explode inside for about half of my life while growing up, it helped me get the straight A's. However, I was not in tune with my social life and others. I was a very paranoid book warm probably from wanting to blow up on the inside.

Things have taken almost a complete 180 degree turn these days. After having a run in with stupid Lee and then later meeting a female friend who is turning out to be like a friend with benefit, I've actually been getting very confident about my socializing.

I am definitely a pretty in-tuned and happy lad at the moment. I guess I should look to settle down with a good girl. Even if she's like hyper fat, I might still give her a chance because I might try to make her constantly move her butt to make her keep up with me. A super fat and ugly woman can work out and end up becoming a beautiful swan, right? I think it would be amazing to see that transformation and help her get there. I might be like so forceful and hard on her and she may even want to be lazy, so then I wouldn't even date her then.

Facebook Times

I guess on Facebook I was trying to hunt for some likes on my status updates. I had maybe a nice female friend hit the like button. She probably emphasizes with my posts. It's like I'm not really being given any attention.

Anyhow I'm just having fun with it and really laughing inward about it. I feel this level of comfort and confidence with my posts and I think that's the successful, peaceful, and positive energy that's just spreading throughout my posts and keeping the stupid and negative people I still have as Facebook friends quiet.

It's not like all my friends are dumb. I'm just trying to have fun with it I guess. Literally, some of my posts are actually pretty funny. It's nice that friends read my posts and let me get away with it a lot more.

I'm starting to tell stories and making people laugh. This is pretty much my intention.

Need To Let It Go

I have so much energy right now from feeling testosterone build-up. I wasted a little bit of time from playing the card games Heart and Free Cell. I shouldn't really mess around with that. I'm just going to let it go.

What I do want to do in place is really go out do some more physical activities like bowling and rock climbing and getting my other stuff done like trading and going for a Master's degree. I also want to read the Bible and continue to work on trying to grow my hair.

Basically, letting my go from resting by playing computer games or watching T.V. is not really cutting for the busy and fun life that I have cut out for myself. I guess in true time management in its sense, I need to just commit to it better and keep on going.

I don't have the luxury of a woman's love in my life currently. It would be nice, but from the way I've been living, it really looks like I actually wouldn't do so well with it anyway. I really need to do my part to begin with, so that's where I should start getting serious while being patient about it.

Still Problems

I just don't really care but now the way I'm looking at it. With this ongoing feeling of lust going through my body, I'm feeling a better surge of confidence. Actually not really, but I'm trying.

I just don't really care anymore. I don't want to act like a fool while feeling lust over this one girl who is my buddy and like a friend with benefit. I'm not going to commit a foul sinful act in the sight of Jesus.

I just don't really care after all how things are. It's just the way it is. Things will never be the same. Oh yeah?

Anyway since I don't care. I do care about trying hard instead of staying a hard person with people who tick me off. I'm all over them and making angry noises from just shouting at them consistently and rattling their ears. Man, I don't feel powerful but stupid from doing those things. I feel human after all of that mess. I guess I do need to shout at those individuals I feel something unfair with.

It's been so long and been so really built up in me that I ended up getting in an argument with my parents about marrying a girl who is not my ethnicity. I shouted at my dad who was yelling at me. It became messy and I kept on shouting at my dad and he's like in the end, "Do whatever man. You are a grown adult and American." My dad is so full of it sometimes, but I have to respect that he wants the best for me and he tried to encourage me by saying someone is really my match and she's out there. He said to just be patient.

I'm actually preparing for that day by trying to make myself into a rich and athletic individual! I'm working on it and myself as well by giving myself good experiences. At least this friend who is like my friend with benefit at heart is dating someone I can try developing some cool characteristics off of. I have a feeling that the guy she's dating has an ugly and poorly developed side to him as well. I think he's funny, but he does seem to just get around and get a lot of credit from my friend who must love him a good deal still.

Anger Problems

I seriously have so many anger problems over the smallest things. I don't like people unfriending me on Facebook. If I find out then yeah, I've tried to be nice while taking out my frustrations out of them. I'm not going to kid the reader, it's still mean so if I'm going to be blocked anyways from trying to be nice and coming off as a condescending person to them, then I might as well go all out and make accusations about them or just be nice and not get any response back from them.

I finally managed to get that anger issues with Facebook a little better under control. With restraining orders going away, maybe the dude I can't reach anymore, I don't even feel mad at first name Washington anymore. He's Washington a total donkey and stupid person.

Both Sides To Seriously Consider

Yeah seriously. The fastest way sometimes is to just be considerate for the other person and try not to have anger issues about it.

Going For A Master's

When I think about it, my job sort of sucks. I'm not really a huge fan of it. I'm going to go for a Master's in Information Technology and then look for a job in that field. I did some research with jobs in that if I'm able to achieve high grades with a graduate degree then I will find success in doing a career change.

Despite the reasons that my parents give to keep me in, if there's demand for a job then it means that there's a shortage of people who are in there. If you have the requirements and can get it in a reasonable amount of time and have ability to work then why not be given an interview and actually land a job in that field. It just makes sense.

Not Sure What To Write

Well, I guess it's not fun to leave so many hanging for the day. I didn't intend to leave so many days like this open.

Just Writing Anything

I have like four more after this so I'm just going to finish it up for the night. I guess I'm trying to be at least consistent in feeling up my days of the month. Whether I write something meaningless and nothing useful for everybody or not, this is turning out to be quite a fun hobby.

Nonetheless, I'm just typing at a random speed and improvising stuff that I'm writing without really thinking much effort right now. I've actually written like this several times from being mad and held nothing back. It's been giving me pretty good results all on my end.

It seems like when I get mad and express my disapproval with someone who was going off on me and then I keep doing it at a constant, steady pace. They don't really want me to yell at them anymore. If I go on full attack mode with people who were being jerks with me, then it shows that yeah they were on something and me going off on them isn't really me to begin with and what caused it would most likely be them yelling at me and some time has passed by.

I think I respond to angry remarks with anger if it's too constant after some time passes by. Yet, even though I'm mad I'm still willing to talk in an honest matter while I'm angry and shouting. It's pretty weird that I'm still conscience of how mad I am. I'm just letting it out because I really have to at that moment. It helps me cry afterwards when I have my own alone time. I'm then able to find comfort and just be at peace about the incident and be willing to talk and work it out. I might even drop my guard again from being relaxed, until the person gets me mad again.

Stay Cool, Don't Do Illegal Drugs

Stay cool. Don't drink and drive as well. Buzzed driving is technically drunk driving I guess. Anyway what I'm noticing is that my senses might want to tempt to do things because I want to get the pleasure but then again, I get second thoughts about doing so without an established order of acceptance from God.

Just Trying Hard I Guess

I need to focus better and try harder I guess. I'm going to go back into reading the Bible again and try to stay consistent. I'm going to try to live on the promises I made to God and live by the convictions. I still have anger issues over the past and it's something that will always be a part of me. There's nothing I can do about the past and I accept it but it doesn't mean that I won't stop feeling angry about it even if I decide to be friendly with the people who I felt wronged me in an insignificant manner. I guess it's not really a grudge or a sensible thing to be so angered about.

Well, it's just not fair and I feel indignant about it. I'm willing to talk and work things out while I'm mad. They can't do it because they are stupid. I might just talk to them while I'm showing my full anger at them. This would mean that I would be shouting regular sentences at them.

Time Management

Time management is definitely playing a huge factor for me now. My female buddy who is like a friend with benefit says that's a key thing she notices about me and is something I should improve upon.

Well, I like her and don't think I have much a chance with her even though it looks like she shows signs of actually liking me. I don't know if she has feelings for me, but it definitely does show she has an interest in me. I don't know where it's going to with that. At the same time, I don't think it's likely for a short guy like me to get married.

Then again, successful short guys with a lot of money and are also athletic regardless of whether they look handsome or can still get married too with a decent girl. Maybe, I'm just doubting myself from thinking generalized terms, but I don't think that's how relationships always work. It's like my parents generalizing that people with same cultures having marriages will have better success than those that don't. Just call it old-fashioned I guess.

Playing Catch Up

I actually am trying to finish up this month now and have only like two hours to kill before my day is over so I will be posting in very small amounts. The server appears to be catering to my own time so that's probably why it will always look like I still have time for people who have faster time zones than I do.

Another Female Friend Update

On top of scoring a date with one of my female friends and she's actually not bad in the category of preferences, I can live with that. Looks don't really matter and I keep telling myself that and then out of nowhere, I'm magically blown away by how many good looking women there really are in this world. Those women also end up socializing with me.

One of my friends who I used to have a crush on is now on my good friend status. She's so cool and beautiful and smart. Actually, I think she's more like a friend with benefits in a spiritual sense. I don't believe in walking that way physically because she's in an unknown relationship with this one guy.

I believe there are some crazy signs with that guy she's with and not sure if the relationship is on the rocks but it has stood after all these years and not sure if she'll tie the knot with him. Anyway, she feels like a friend with benefits and I love her unconditionally.

What's great about having a friend with benefits in a spiritual sense is that while I'm physically attracted to her, we get to support each other emotionally. We get to have some intimate related conversations with each other and even carry it over via text. It's very cool and soothing actually. It's even helped me move up a little bit on the social ladder with people. I look a bit cooler and people take notice and wonder about our relationship. I'm just saying friend at the moment but I guess it still doesn't register like that to one of my other female friends. She's like trying to look out for me, which is cool.

My little sister is like whatever and that it's cool for me to be socializing with a non-Korean, healthy, and attractive girl. She wants me to tie the knot with her or somebody related so I can face the drama of married life and just get away with it from my parents because I'm the oldest and spoiled son.

Friend Update

Well I found a date by asking a single friend. She said sure and that was quick. Just one text about needing a date and she was like I'm your girl. Okay, what a great friend. Wait, am I confusing a potential girlfriend for a friend? Hmm, I needed someone to go with and just from considering she seemed to be the ideal first choice, it wouldn't have really got to me if she said she couldn't go.

The fact that she said yes, "Alright. What a ego booster!" I'm like yeah, and uplifted. First try looking for a date and she said yes!

What made it easy was that she's actually in a good circle of my friends. Also from noticing her personality, she seems to have warmed up to me quite well and is friendly. I see her as a pretty introverted person, so maybe this is a sign that she seems into me. Also, I mentioned maybe as a serious joke, but that I'm interested in hiring her as an employee someday. Basically, I was mentioning about doing nice stuff to her. Okay, I guess that warrants to her being open to one date with me.

She's also smaller than me and I prefer dating smaller women so that's another bonus. I was going to try to ask a giant female friend to go with me, so I could test out my confidence factor and make it work while laughing underneath and everybody else probably choking on their food and drinks if they saw us dancing.

Still Ticked Off

Dude, I still have serious anger problems from my past incident with that small fellowship at a church in Los Angeles. I threw a Jehovah Witness Bible at their Christian pastor in front of everyone. He still sucks! I then ran out because I was afraid the cops were going to detain me.

Man, I've been detained so many times for the most stupid reasons and it doesn't even go on my record. I'm glad that the laws in California are more fair probably because of the liberals and hippies fighting to maximize their rights to party and do whatever they feel like.

Basically, I haven't been detained then on paper and I don't really have an active restraining order so all of those things don't even count as a conviction on me. I don't have to reveal my horrible past where I smoked the living fear out of a stupid girl named stupid Lee. Everybody has a problematic and dramatic history. It's just that mine is ghetto and stupid and lame. It's so lame that I'm getting anger problems over it!

Like 30 Min of Creativity

Under my whole 24 hour window, my main activity is just trying to make myself a millionaire through attempting to make proper set and go trades. It's a little advanced for most people, but I'm just one of them who has been trying all this time to make a living off of it. Hiring someday to make trades for you is pretty bad because the hireling wants your money the best way they can make it and so they will go for aggressive trades and blow out your account for you!

It's pretty much like you hired someone to be safe and make profit for you, but no the person is acting just like you in that moment that you hoped would never happen. Basically, it's forget about it now and all that money lost is because of their fault but it falls all on me. I'm not hiring trading managers now. I'm just going to do my own thing and recommend that everyone who wants me to make money for them should do it on their own because I'm not going to.

Been Posting Crazy and Not Unfriended

I think it's funny now that I have this confidence in people unfriending me. After feeling rejected and dissed like 50+ times over my lifetime of having Facebook starting from 2001, yeah like when they first started; I just stopped caring so much about it.

At least I can find out who unfriended me by searching long and hard. It seems like people have to be afraid of unfriending me now because it causes problems. It's weird because you are like stuck with me once you add me as a friend. So it's love or hate me like a weirdo and no way out without me figuring that out someday.

If you decide to add me as a friend and then get all moody and justify that you were under some pretenses and make the conclusion that I'm crazy then well yeah, I guess it's how it is. I think from the way I stepped up my game, it's like people don't really want to unfriend me now. Well they still can but they better hope I don't find out about it.

Seriously Hard Work

Seriously, hard work is really about just willing yourself to do things. That's about all I can say in it. It's something that you just eventually get used to. I have so much energy these days that it's funny how I make things happen.

I think it's important to be around winning attitudes and good people. It's too bad but maybe someday I'll have the right kind of person in my life helping me out. It looks like as I get older and wait more, then there are more chances that I'm getting to meet women. It's interesting who I could end up with.

I think looks don't really matter and that's all I'm telling myself because the slightly better looking ones make me a bit more surprised in their appearance and I seem to be having a bit more success in attracting them. I don't know why but maybe it's because I'm smart enough to handle them without losing my cool.

Getting Mature

You know, I don't think it really matters too much except that I think admirers might come from I don't know where. I want to be liked by 1000s of people and have like zero haters.

Just liked and then I get to pick the one pretty and cute nice girl who is right for me. Oh yeah, what a crazy fantasy. On top of that, after all the hard work I put into something, I end up becoming on top of game with pouring in millions of dollars and being able to help out the less fortunate. I'm not going to make myself a communist nation where I am the money that flows into people's bank accounts.

I guess there has to be a balance of how things are otherwise it's going to drive me crazy!

Life On the High Rise

Right after making a nasty and sarcastic joke about in my life, I'm starting to just not really care staying mad over. I'm actually realizing that it's good to have these uncomfortable emotions flowing through the veins of a person's soul. It's like those cravings and obsessive feelings about wanting to do some type of behavior whether it rewards you or not.

I think it's because those people I ended up clashing with were too immature and didn't understand what I was going through. They were just thinking about how right they were and being stupid about how to go about it. They couldn't even get me in trouble by espousing a frivolous restraining order.

What it did do was that it ended up giving me anger problems for a very long time. I still have anger problems with it and have been doing something about it. I've turned all scary to them and now they are like "We accept you back." I don't even know if I want to go back. I might just go back and tell them that they suck while yelling at them and then just leave. I don't really care from being a sore loser about this incident. It gave me so many emotional problems and now I just want to let it rip with anyone who still goes to that church. They'll be like, "What's with this guy?" I tell them the truth and they will be like, "Okay, we are scared. Go away please."

Oh well, that's just life. Who really cares? This is just my blog that I can type about anything while letting the time pass. I'm talking about how these people who gave me anger problems are idiots and not even worth my valuable time to consider as friends these days. I don't even think they can hold a gun so why even consider poetic justice on them. They are a bunch of weak losers and sissies. I should rolling be with the fun, big kids and not these puppet-like infants. I guess that's what you call maturing and relating to a lot of pretty female friends. I'm doing that actually and not even caring about if they aren't responsive with me that much.

I'm starting to get better responses from girls now though, but it's just being friends.

Annie the Bad Bad Sheep

Annie the Bad Bad Sheep had a really bad bad day. I told her peers that she maxed out her credit cards! She said that last week and I brought it up again. Her peers were like "Oh wow. You shouldn't have heard what she told the whole world about."

Annie the Bad Bad Sheep ended up not feeling like adding me as a friend on Facebook. She had a really bad bad day while being a very mad mad person while trying to tell me that she hated me in the nicest manner. Oh well, Annie the Bad Bad Sheep is now a mommy I should add and like 100+ people liked that post. I don't know how Annie the Bad Bad Sheep managed to be an extrovert and only leave out one post that everybody liked. She has had like no activity ever since on Facebook.

Her being someone's wife now means that she's someone's number two. Oh yeah, I still get to be number one. Annie the Bad Bad Sheep sucked as a person. I really wanted to yell at her, but what can you do when you are attracted to her ugly ugly body.

Yuri the Schmuck

So Ms. Yuri had kids without marrying anybody, so that's naughty naughty on my personal Santa's Bad list. Boy what a crazy and irritating, but slightly funny woman. I wasn't laughing because I was driven to the point of flipping my handle and wanting to just cuss her out in person.

I ended up just being raw and straight forward with her. Now that I think about it, Yuri the Schmuck isn't really worth my valuable time for trying to convince her anything about. She's practically useless in the whole circle of life for me. She's almost on the same level as stupid Lee, but I think stupid Lee is far worse and even better at being a schmuck than Yuri the Schmuck.

If Yuri the Schmuck and stupid Lee had a dance off then neither of them would win because they would probably figure that drinking alcohol and getting buzzed off of it and slipping on their own floor they ended up creating a mess with, is much better than getting off their butts to dance to some music! I'm starting to just feel like creatively making fun of them without ever showing up in their lives again.

Maybe this is talking behind their back, but nothing is preventing them from checking out this site that they don't even want to bother reading. Therefore, Yuri the Schmuck and stupid Lee remain their respective titles in my mind. This is my blog, so oh well. Hack it, now? There's no valuable information to really extract on here but a level of humor and effort gone into a few individuals who wouldn't be able to screw back a computer on for a dollar is better for the masses who don't mind laughing at people who are being made fun of.

Why I Haven't Blogged For Days

Reason for why I haven't blogged so much lately is because I've been holding back just to see if there's a correlation with this blog and the number of patrolling police cars I see while driving. I have this weird theory that this girl named Yuri the Schmuck was calling up her friends in legal enforcement to have the dispatch put their eyes on me more often.

I know it's a weird conspiracy theory for myself. I can't be so sure, but even if it is true then at least I can prepare for it while staying in a relaxed mental state. Actually, I'm starting to reason out that maybe being alive is about having negative stuff happen and being upset about them. The fact that you would be able control those feelings emotionally and press forward is what helps you become a successful individual.

So from controlling your emotions, it doesn't mean to go out and wreck havoc and then practice self-control right after doing the dirty deed. I'm starting to suspect a wild deal about what people are feeling and have been contemplating if I should just start shouting at them and making them cover their ears to get them to realize that the matter isn't serious to begin with.

Doing the Right Thing

"In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."- Theodore Roosevelt

I really need to think about what the right thing to do is for myself. I think it's not really a bad way to live in my situation with that frivolous restraining order. Maybe what I want is not always the right thing to do.

If I think about all the right things I did, then well, I informed the pastor about how wrong he was in his assertions he made with me. How would going back to visit that dumb church be the right thing after all these years? I really need to know if I can justify this clearly.

Oh I get it now why it's the right thing to do. I made a hasty oath with the Lord that if I made myself a millionaire and got a six pack then I would go make a visit with them again. To go back on it, it would be very morally wrong for me and it's my strong conviction, so I'm pretty much tied down to it in a happy manner. I'm not breaking the law from going back anyway and everybody else who opposes it has some anger or paranoid issues.

I think the right decision is to also not hold back my thoughts and just go with the flow and not hold onto any pretenses. My point of going is to just release my anger problems that have been built up with me all these years without breaking any laws. They can call the cops, but it's not going to make me go to jail. I'm leaving while they are calling the cops and I'll have yelled and made fun of them and done everything nasty I could think of while calling myself a proud American and living in a society of freedom of speech, so there's nothing they could do about it.

"I don't know" someone would say, and that's pretty all he has to it. Being nice isn't going to cut it, so I'm going to be a really mean butt head back at them by yelling "What up crazy?" to Lee and leaving the church. There's more elaborate scheme to conduct here. Yelling at the ushers too maybe and leaving.

Better Learn To Fight

I'm going to be in tip top shape and I may end up regrettably provoking a few people into trying to physically attack me. My plans has me thinking it's going to be that bad. It would be better if that didn't happen, but I might as well just over prepare for it in case it does happen.

I'm not supposed to bring any guns inside a church so I won't out of respect for the American culture. If someone does have it at that Asian church, then they are killing me out of cold blood. I think Asians tend to be passive aggressive so they might think of other ways to get back at me. I could use that as an advantage to be a step ahead of them.

In any case though, I'm going to have to over-prepare for this final confrontation with them because it's going to be a pretty long term skirmish and battle of the wits. I'm there to collect my trophy which is having Lee personally add me as her Facebook friend. I may then make a status talking about how she's an idiot and force her to hit the like button. You know, it would be a lot more of a shocker if I had her hit the angry button. I'll lobby for her to hit the hate button then while I call her an idiot on the status once I force her to add me as a Facebook friend.

Her permanent exit clause out of this intangible contract is for her to leave that God forsaken church. She can go for postponement by filing another frivolous restraining order on me, but then that's going to make me even more angrier and so I will then put one back on her.

Too Much of a Hassle

I can constantly start talking trash with my anger problems with those involved themselves with people who put restraining order. With the word out now though, they look like a horrible bunch of crazy nuts!

I should practice my shooting rounds now and get accurate with them for just in case they come charging into my home. That's right man, I live as a white-washed Asian citizen in United States.

It's a waste of time for me to constantly create new Facebook accounts just for the sake of bashing them and making fun of them. It looks like one time did the deed already.

Those ugly looking maggots are going to have a super hard time with me going off of them and I will do it so badly that it will look incredibly funny and scary to be a part of for assisting. I think this is where my craziness can appear in that people will support me by just laughing at my weird actions and how I comment the whole time. It's like putting on a show for them, but at the same time, some people will be feeling bad for me.

It's a win-win situation and I think those people are being written off as losers or it's something like that in the making now. I'm going to have some blunders along the way, but if I just stay in shape and plow through then maybe I might come out of this one alive and exit this while feeling happy instead of still with anger issues!

Blocking People On Facebook

Man, I'm so mean in nature. I did a bunch of trash talking to some of the church people who were involved in their restraining order scheme with me. I did it through a bunch of messages that strike the heart.

When I read them, they are extremely aggressive, to the point, honest, and seriously attacking the person's character in a funny manner. I'm clearly expressing my anger problems that I have with them. When I'm saying that I'm going to openly aggressive with them as well, this is where it might actually concern them because I'm going to be actually yelling and blurting out funny comments.

Those comments that I am saying are also hurtful and disrespectful. They are very disparaging and my choice of words are brilliant because it's coming across contrary to someone who deserves a frivolous restraining order. My pain has been exaggerated because each day I am living, I'm starting to just not care what they did to me, but I'm bent on getting back at them. My way of doing this is to just make Lee my Facebook friend. She can represent all the others who fell out with me because of this incident. She's pretty much the ring leader. It would mean my trophy from my hard work of trying to reconcile this matter while playing ultra dirty!

This is what I wrote to Betty Lam: one of my posts talks about I'm going to try flirting with her like a little kid. She ended up ticking me off because I just let out my anger issues I built up with her and talked about how I was going to behave aggressive with her which would put her in a negative light. The whole incident is frivolous and she played the part of the butt head.

You are a butthead and can't let go of things that aren't too serious. You are so stupid and I'm glad I made you fail in life. You don't believe me? Remember the court case, you didn't do anything right. Lee failed to get it extended and I've been all over her. I'm putting one on you too and I did that to Washington. Just put one on me first and give me your address! Just ask how I blocked Lee on Facebook, too. I'm doing the same to you. You deserve it and you suck and next time I see you or call you, I'm going to yell at you directly. You are an ugly moron too. Your boyfriend looks a lot hotter than you. Share that last sentence with him. Boink, easy block-y on a stupid sissy like you.

Little By Little

Might as well just laugh it up in the safest way possible. One of the good things I'm noticing is that plenty of cops are patrolling around my vicinity. All this really does is just make me focus on the road better and not play with my phone's GPS while the cop is looking in my direction while driving. I'm also not trying to speed.

I'm only worried that they won't do their job if stupid Lee the one who put a frivolous, non-domestic violence related restraining order on my butt from being mad about my conduct at her church- yeah long description. I hope Lee doesn't send a hitman  after me because I'm going to be yelling at her to get out all of my venom and anger problems that have been stored up all these years sooner or later.

If she leaves the church, then the joke is on her, but I don't think she's leaving so it's grrrr.

I have to mention again that I wasn't chasing after Lee. In my right mind, I was attracted to another ugly girl there. It's whatever man. When a guy like me hasn't been around too many girls, the first couple you get to know well, they might be like the best girls you've ever met. She came across to me as a decent and very evasive type of person. Anyhow I made fun of her about her maxing out her credit cards and then it somehow led to her blocking me on Facebook. I was like "What's going on?" in an annoying writer's message tone when I sent her message.

She was clearly bothered and she was lying the whole time saying that nothing was wrong with her. I couldn't shout at her to show my anger problems because I'm supposed to be attracted to her ugly body, right?  Anyhow the same feelings didn't amount to with stupid Lee.

Can't Be Too Nice

I've been trying to but I end up just getting angry underneath while fantasizing about stuff from the past. I'm seriously thinking how I should approach it using my right mind instead of just botching it up.

I don't really care anymore that I had two  non-domestic violence restraining orders placed on me. I'm still mad thinking about it, but  I didn't go to jail. I honestly want to just call the former plaintiffs a bunch of idiots repeatedly in a daily fashion to compensate for my anger management.

Yeah I have anger issues about it and can't go do something crazy like walk up to the woman Lee at that church called Hope of God church. I'm too lazy to look them up right now. I was thinking about just closing in while she's terrified of me and then kissing her. I would go to jail for that I know. I'm not going to entertain that thought at all anymore.

I was never in any interest to make Lee my girlfriend in the first place .She ended up putting a frivolous restraining order on me. All those years I stayed away from her, I was just plotting how I was going to get back at her without landing in jail.

Yeah I care to the point of wanting to pursue after something out of them. I want to make Lee my Facebook friend while I'm constantly shouting at her on the days I do decide to relive the horrific event and go up to her. Maybe she'll go for another restraining order, but then again, I'll put one on her back so I can be motivated to not break the law.