Still Problems

I just don't really care but now the way I'm looking at it. With this ongoing feeling of lust going through my body, I'm feeling a better surge of confidence. Actually not really, but I'm trying.

I just don't really care anymore. I don't want to act like a fool while feeling lust over this one girl who is my buddy and like a friend with benefit. I'm not going to commit a foul sinful act in the sight of Jesus.

I just don't really care after all how things are. It's just the way it is. Things will never be the same. Oh yeah?

Anyway since I don't care. I do care about trying hard instead of staying a hard person with people who tick me off. I'm all over them and making angry noises from just shouting at them consistently and rattling their ears. Man, I don't feel powerful but stupid from doing those things. I feel human after all of that mess. I guess I do need to shout at those individuals I feel something unfair with.

It's been so long and been so really built up in me that I ended up getting in an argument with my parents about marrying a girl who is not my ethnicity. I shouted at my dad who was yelling at me. It became messy and I kept on shouting at my dad and he's like in the end, "Do whatever man. You are a grown adult and American." My dad is so full of it sometimes, but I have to respect that he wants the best for me and he tried to encourage me by saying someone is really my match and she's out there. He said to just be patient.

I'm actually preparing for that day by trying to make myself into a rich and athletic individual! I'm working on it and myself as well by giving myself good experiences. At least this friend who is like my friend with benefit at heart is dating someone I can try developing some cool characteristics off of. I have a feeling that the guy she's dating has an ugly and poorly developed side to him as well. I think he's funny, but he does seem to just get around and get a lot of credit from my friend who must love him a good deal still.