Motives

With me being crazy and getting two restraining orders, the main reason for me bothering people in the first place was because I was beating around the bush and trying to give them clues about how I was feeling. I didn't do it right and drove those people crazy to the point that multiple people wanted to put one on me but only two of them stepped forward with doing it.

I think I screamed and shouted once and might have felt good if I was being direct at the person. I'll just leave that point of attack to the side and see it as a very big possibility. Obviously I'm trying to intimidate people into controlling them to just relenting with me and going with whatever because I'm going to be such a jerk with getting what I want.

 My heart is about being filled with drunken stupor to the point of making animalistic threats that are so obvious but it is about annoying people. I'm very conflict adverse and would rather not have anything to do with it but my strong personality is very stubborn and from being a wild man I'm constantly putting up with fights I can't get out of. Even though I hate it, I'll make the most of those conflicts this time while continuing to improve my psyche and being a better person by learning from my mistakes and trying to move on. It really sucks to be conflict adverse and then be passive aggressive. The mode of feeling doesn't get anything done right.

I'll have to just be patient and understanding even though my feelings are going ballistic and inform the person if I find something that could be a problem in the long run and talk about how crazy I am. After that it's working at making myself a better person no matter where I end up and what I've done. I will keep my life committed to Christ.

I'm actually lucky to have met a person who really helps to build my patience. She's really nice!