I think I seriously need a genuinely good routine now. As hard as it is, it's really hard to let go of the past which includes stupid Lee. I know I might not be sounding so mature talking about her in that way. It's pretty much just logically speaking a moniker I invented.
These anger issues of mine were only exaggerated because I let them foster while I was in misery. I should have just talked straight forward and let myself just take the embarrassment for revealing my feelings with these people. I was just too afraid to speak up because I didn't want to be seen as a bad person. It just doesn't matter when people are mad. They are totally blind and will try to find a certain direction that could lead them into shame and regret later on.
I have so many fragmented thoughts from almost just entering almost dream world. With this creative world that my mind is inventing, I can actually recall quite a bit of them which is oddly interesting because I'm still awake while my whole-self is trying to sleep. I'm basically keeping my eyes while sleeping and trying to do that. By doing so, I can also perform some basic functions if I had to while sleeping. I'm not sure if this is even possible.
Well, I'll be working at it I suppose and do the best I can. To keep going at it.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Monday, November 28, 2016
Thinking Of Ideas To Try
I'm no longer looking for trying to be a crazy troublemaker as I used to be with stupid Lee. Stupid Lee was so stupid that she took a restraining order and tried to put her friends on it to get protection from me. Stupid Lee was denied it and when she said that I was following her around, I didn't get to tell the judge that she was talking to me about the arrangement and being really mean about it. Instead of complaining like that to judge, I should have just yelled at stupid Lee to break her stupid habit of thinking stupid thoughts about me being a bad person.
It is what it is now in that I'm starting to make sense and talking funny about this whole thing. The bad part of all this is that it's actually truthful that I'm saying. I really think stupid Lee is stupid and it's my personal opinion of the subject matter and I have my own statements to back it up.
Yeah, I'm turning stupid Lee into partially the butt of all my jokes. After talking all this about stupid Lee, I actually have the nerve to still want her as a Facebook friend only to block her access to my page while we're friends on that site? It's sort of pointless and that's what I need to tell her that I wouldn't care about looking at her lame Facebook site to begin with. I just want people to see that we are friends on Facebook so I can mislead them into thinking that I forced her to be my Facebook friend. That's actually the whole point. I'm saying mislead them into thinking this way because it's truth and that's how I want it. They probably won't be mislead into thinking that way, so it will actually look good in contrary to what I want, so then that makes me a nice guy in the eyes of stupid Lee!
It is what it is now in that I'm starting to make sense and talking funny about this whole thing. The bad part of all this is that it's actually truthful that I'm saying. I really think stupid Lee is stupid and it's my personal opinion of the subject matter and I have my own statements to back it up.
Yeah, I'm turning stupid Lee into partially the butt of all my jokes. After talking all this about stupid Lee, I actually have the nerve to still want her as a Facebook friend only to block her access to my page while we're friends on that site? It's sort of pointless and that's what I need to tell her that I wouldn't care about looking at her lame Facebook site to begin with. I just want people to see that we are friends on Facebook so I can mislead them into thinking that I forced her to be my Facebook friend. That's actually the whole point. I'm saying mislead them into thinking this way because it's truth and that's how I want it. They probably won't be mislead into thinking that way, so it will actually look good in contrary to what I want, so then that makes me a nice guy in the eyes of stupid Lee!
Might As Well Have The Idea
I think I'll just go after my own profitable thing where I get to set my own hours and make money off of it. It will basically just be my own thing. It's very difficult to do, but it surely is the ideal way and some would have to be totally digging their job if they didn't want it this way.
I think I'll try to keep the family business around in check as an obligation pretty much. I guess I don't really like what it's built off of for some reason. Then again, it's nice that I'm getting along with my sister who some of my female friends act like to begin with. Those friends would probably be like a sister to me then.
I think I want to make myself a definite candidate and keep working on myself more. Even though I'm a short guy, I still want to do amazing things.
I think I'll try to keep the family business around in check as an obligation pretty much. I guess I don't really like what it's built off of for some reason. Then again, it's nice that I'm getting along with my sister who some of my female friends act like to begin with. Those friends would probably be like a sister to me then.
I think I want to make myself a definite candidate and keep working on myself more. Even though I'm a short guy, I still want to do amazing things.
From Feeling Boredom
I think I need to manage my time a lot better when I'm feeling bored. It's just easy for me to get lost and do something for like an hour and letting my mind get carried away. I guess it's not typically a bad thing then if I have something like that to keep myself occupied. It's a definite "Thank God for the Internet." Hate the sins that people commit on the Internet though.
Then again, I'm coming alive with the idea of going after a Master's degree and going after my field. My sister ended up joining my current job. Yeah, I'm a lucky son of a gun. I could be heir to a pretty thriving business that no one on the Internet knows about, except my close circle of friends. I'm not revealing anymore.
I don't really want to lead my dad's company because I sort of want to do my own thing. Maybe I'll just back it as an investor in the future and let the hard working minds and the people who actual want to stick to it do it and treat those employees like they are family. I'm keeping the family tradition around and I'll make sure to try to keep that.
Then again, I'm coming alive with the idea of going after a Master's degree and going after my field. My sister ended up joining my current job. Yeah, I'm a lucky son of a gun. I could be heir to a pretty thriving business that no one on the Internet knows about, except my close circle of friends. I'm not revealing anymore.
I don't really want to lead my dad's company because I sort of want to do my own thing. Maybe I'll just back it as an investor in the future and let the hard working minds and the people who actual want to stick to it do it and treat those employees like they are family. I'm keeping the family tradition around and I'll make sure to try to keep that.
Let's See How It Goes
I might end up seeing how it goes by marrying a taller girl. I'm starting to just not care about it now. As funny as it seems, height is just a number. Visually seeing the girl towering over me, boy it takes some character for the girl to accept me for a lover.
Definitely shorter girls who are interested in finding a man to marry, I can see them being pretty cool with me. From just working out and building all of that confidence and just going out to socialize and trying to do a whole bunch of cool stuff in general and trying to be cool and nice in general, I can see that those girls would be pretty interested in entertaining me as a possibility.
I have a few remaining areas that I need to touch up on before. I don't think height really matters that much if people are going to know that already. Well, for my height I'm actually pretty average in appearance so taller girls might just look like skinny giants while being around me. It's like she's going to have to try to ignore it whether I'm by her side or not because she might be able to just eyeball me from a distance.
I go out quite a bit and my buddy who goes with me is shorter than me.
Definitely shorter girls who are interested in finding a man to marry, I can see them being pretty cool with me. From just working out and building all of that confidence and just going out to socialize and trying to do a whole bunch of cool stuff in general and trying to be cool and nice in general, I can see that those girls would be pretty interested in entertaining me as a possibility.
I have a few remaining areas that I need to touch up on before. I don't think height really matters that much if people are going to know that already. Well, for my height I'm actually pretty average in appearance so taller girls might just look like skinny giants while being around me. It's like she's going to have to try to ignore it whether I'm by her side or not because she might be able to just eyeball me from a distance.
I go out quite a bit and my buddy who goes with me is shorter than me.
Taking It Up A Notch
Okay I'm now playing poker at a rate of just going for earning at least $2.50 under like 15 minutes of play just putting in a nickel. I'm playing a very fast paced anonymous poker game that nobody cares about and it's like so annoying to lose! Okay, so when I do lose and not win anything because I decided to be a sucker and see the other chump's hand, I quit for the whole day.
I'm going for rock climbing again and have been paying a cheap membership for months and not visited. It's pretty bad and I have those climbing shoes that need to worn and from not wearing them, they are becoming like new and stiff again!
On to more interesting personal news, I'm trying to go for working out everyday now because I just find it to be fun to work out with weights and do something. Sweating and struggling to finish workouts never felt so much better. I enjoy it to a degree at least because I feel so healthy afterwards.
Let's see, I forgot to trade today and I think trading is going to my main source someday for making a nice quick income without having to work those long hours. It's an enviable job if you are good at it. I understand that and people think it's gambling at the same time, so they'll probably just marvel at how good of a gambler I am and think about why I have so many conservative moral values at the same time. I don't know. It's probably because I choose to align with the Christian faith as much as possible?
So that gets me thinking I should be reading the Bible too and I will do that. It's like I remember to do the Bible later on in my day and then like the devil sends in reinforcements to distract me and go like, "Nope too bad. Now do this tempting offer I have for you. Make money doing a job you don't like."
I have bowling shoes in my car trunk and still haven't gone bowling in awhile. I should go do that. Not to mention, the snow is just around the corner for me and I want to snowboard too all season. I also want to sing and dance to the Xbox kinematics device. It's way too fun. I think I'll just try it once. I also want to learn the guitar so I'll just dabble on it once maybe.
Instead of watching anime to bust my chops and fall asleep on the couch to have myself woken up by my mommy. I know it's embarrassing to still be leaving with parents. They leave me alone like 90% of the time at the house because I think I pay them useless rent money that they don't even need! Maybe it just shows that I have responsibility, so it sucks to not have my own place. It's embarrassing and I need to play some catch up. It would be nice to go with that direction.
I'm going for rock climbing again and have been paying a cheap membership for months and not visited. It's pretty bad and I have those climbing shoes that need to worn and from not wearing them, they are becoming like new and stiff again!
On to more interesting personal news, I'm trying to go for working out everyday now because I just find it to be fun to work out with weights and do something. Sweating and struggling to finish workouts never felt so much better. I enjoy it to a degree at least because I feel so healthy afterwards.
Let's see, I forgot to trade today and I think trading is going to my main source someday for making a nice quick income without having to work those long hours. It's an enviable job if you are good at it. I understand that and people think it's gambling at the same time, so they'll probably just marvel at how good of a gambler I am and think about why I have so many conservative moral values at the same time. I don't know. It's probably because I choose to align with the Christian faith as much as possible?
So that gets me thinking I should be reading the Bible too and I will do that. It's like I remember to do the Bible later on in my day and then like the devil sends in reinforcements to distract me and go like, "Nope too bad. Now do this tempting offer I have for you. Make money doing a job you don't like."
I have bowling shoes in my car trunk and still haven't gone bowling in awhile. I should go do that. Not to mention, the snow is just around the corner for me and I want to snowboard too all season. I also want to sing and dance to the Xbox kinematics device. It's way too fun. I think I'll just try it once. I also want to learn the guitar so I'll just dabble on it once maybe.
Instead of watching anime to bust my chops and fall asleep on the couch to have myself woken up by my mommy. I know it's embarrassing to still be leaving with parents. They leave me alone like 90% of the time at the house because I think I pay them useless rent money that they don't even need! Maybe it just shows that I have responsibility, so it sucks to not have my own place. It's embarrassing and I need to play some catch up. It would be nice to go with that direction.
Back To Creating An Awesome Week
I don't really know how things are going to be like for me in the near future. I just think it's really exciting at the thought of meeting a good lady and becoming married to her. I don't think appearances really matter that much even though honestly, I might be struggling underneath just a smidge.
Actually, from just working out, I don't really care to begin with period. I just have this confidence and feel good in general, so yeah, if I'm around a really chubby lady and she doesn't want to do anything then yeah, that's going to suck and maybe I'll say, not going to work out babe to her.
If this chubby lady is willing to go those extra miles and lay off those crazy good honey glazed and mouth-watering donuts and those McDonald's "keep you fat" combo meals, then okay, we have something going here. She's probably never been with a guy before so yeah, I'm willing to be patient with her then and reap the rewards.
Actually, from just working out, I don't really care to begin with period. I just have this confidence and feel good in general, so yeah, if I'm around a really chubby lady and she doesn't want to do anything then yeah, that's going to suck and maybe I'll say, not going to work out babe to her.
If this chubby lady is willing to go those extra miles and lay off those crazy good honey glazed and mouth-watering donuts and those McDonald's "keep you fat" combo meals, then okay, we have something going here. She's probably never been with a guy before so yeah, I'm willing to be patient with her then and reap the rewards.
Trying To Finish My Monthly Quota
I'm just typing anything. For the last post, it just made me laugh to write those sentences so I just decided close it off like that.
Personal Secrets To Protect
There's a secret that I won't ever talk about on this blog. My friends already know what it is, so it's no big secret if you are in my circle. If we just met, I might be just open to tell you my secret. On this blog, I'm never going to mention it.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
At Liberty
I seriously feel that I'm at liberty to do almost anything I want to please my flesh. However, I'm trying to make a balance. I surely made mistakes by going back to the church repetitively even after stupid Lee's restraining order ended. The results were ugly. I might still be going back just to yell at them this time. I don't care how wrong it is or what people are thinking. They can warn those people because I just communicated it that I might come back just to yell at stupid Lee and then leave. I don't care what the best code of conduct is here. This is for my sanity and I feel the need to just yell at someone like stupid Lee and she's the best candidate because she's stupid to begin with.
For those of you joining this blog, I'm stating stupid Lee put a restraining order on me over something that deal between us. Yes, she has issues. She was trying to be mad for her friends that she didn't want me talking to. One of those friends she was trying to protect told me that she would consider adding me as a friend on Facebook. I was so frustrated about this silly thing which doesn't even matter. If I just yell it out and talk about all their weaknesses, it's seriously going to set waves that they don't like. At least I'm leaving in the end and that's what they want me to do which is never coming back.
If I yell at them and cause a ruckus and make them look bad and not come back again, they'll treat me like a lost cause. I can just leave it like that and leave room for doubt in their minds with the actions that they did with me. Just to get over my fury and all this anger and hurt and disappointment I've had. I just want to yell it all out and express it to stupid Lee. Yeah stupid Lee was crazy to begin with.
For those of you joining this blog, I'm stating stupid Lee put a restraining order on me over something that deal between us. Yes, she has issues. She was trying to be mad for her friends that she didn't want me talking to. One of those friends she was trying to protect told me that she would consider adding me as a friend on Facebook. I was so frustrated about this silly thing which doesn't even matter. If I just yell it out and talk about all their weaknesses, it's seriously going to set waves that they don't like. At least I'm leaving in the end and that's what they want me to do which is never coming back.
If I yell at them and cause a ruckus and make them look bad and not come back again, they'll treat me like a lost cause. I can just leave it like that and leave room for doubt in their minds with the actions that they did with me. Just to get over my fury and all this anger and hurt and disappointment I've had. I just want to yell it all out and express it to stupid Lee. Yeah stupid Lee was crazy to begin with.
Trying to Get Better
Once again, I'm looking to rock climb, bowl, sing and dance, play electric guitar and piano, trade stocks, and play just a little poker. I'm realizing that I do like to gamble just a little bit for fun and it's just for the excitement. It's just opportunity that I'm looking for and sometimes with everything going for you, it just doesn't happen. It's this lesson that I need to toughen myself up over.
I'll just keep working at it and trying to trust in the Lord for delivering all my needs. It's just that patience I need to have and that I need to trust Jesus and maybe what I want selfishly isn't going to good for God anyway so we'll see where this goes.
I'll just keep working at it and trying to trust in the Lord for delivering all my needs. It's just that patience I need to have and that I need to trust Jesus and maybe what I want selfishly isn't going to good for God anyway so we'll see where this goes.
Just Typing Really Fast
This month is almost over. I'm just typing anything. I have to get to my finish mark. I only have like thirty minutes to do this and I was wasting my valuable time this morning. I could do something better. It's like having this really bad urge that you mentally know isn't good for you. I think from feeling whack like that and anxious, you should still do something productive in that manner like praying to God an reading the Bible. From being so anxious and not being able to do anything and feeling that sense of panic, I think in that situation it's important to just relax and stay confident and keep at it.
No More Stupid Mode
Okay, I haven't typing anything on here for awhile. It looks like that I'm becoming so normal now that the cops aren't interested in chasing my tail now. That's just how I feel honestly. I was so paranoid in the beginning from stupid Lee being instigated for over something that wasn't really serious.
I guess it's not that serious now and I can tell that the church has been really struggling. Whether I decide to go back ever is still a mystery now. I haven't really entertained it now. One thing that is for certain though is that I just want to yell at them to let go of all the built up frustration I had with them. I just want to yell and scream out any comments that are just going through my mind while I'm just fuming.
I realize that I'm mad but I'm about trying to control it while being blunt at the same time. Just letting out anything that's just on my mind for some time and communicating what's on my mind. From being fully authentic and letting it out there, it's been beneficial for me in a way. It's like there's no other way for me. People do it also, but this is looking at it from my own perspective. I could just yell if people say something and I don't like it. People respond back in a quiet manner then if I do that. Okay, the arguments were never serious to begin with, and I'm thinking that I can't really be good friends with these church people so why am I wasting my time. I just want to get rid of my anger issues from just yelling at them. From doing that, I'm laughing at them so hard and from having done it once, I can just let it go and do something else. I need to test this theory of yelling at them to see if I really will laugh at them or even stay more mad at them than ever. I just don't know, and I don't even know if I'm going to go back on my words.
I guess it's not that serious now and I can tell that the church has been really struggling. Whether I decide to go back ever is still a mystery now. I haven't really entertained it now. One thing that is for certain though is that I just want to yell at them to let go of all the built up frustration I had with them. I just want to yell and scream out any comments that are just going through my mind while I'm just fuming.
I realize that I'm mad but I'm about trying to control it while being blunt at the same time. Just letting out anything that's just on my mind for some time and communicating what's on my mind. From being fully authentic and letting it out there, it's been beneficial for me in a way. It's like there's no other way for me. People do it also, but this is looking at it from my own perspective. I could just yell if people say something and I don't like it. People respond back in a quiet manner then if I do that. Okay, the arguments were never serious to begin with, and I'm thinking that I can't really be good friends with these church people so why am I wasting my time. I just want to get rid of my anger issues from just yelling at them. From doing that, I'm laughing at them so hard and from having done it once, I can just let it go and do something else. I need to test this theory of yelling at them to see if I really will laugh at them or even stay more mad at them than ever. I just don't know, and I don't even know if I'm going to go back on my words.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Proper Goal Setting
I've been like totally out of commission for like the last two weeks. The fact that I'm not allowing anyone to comment here has to mean that I'm treating this blog like a joke. Actually, I'm only intending on being an entertainer and don't really want anyone to argue with me, so I took off the commenting procedure. In all of the five years I've had this blog, with all the efforts I've made to try to get readers to comment on here, I haven't had much success at all.
I'm sure if I stuck to it and did some research and put more time into it then maybe I would get that feeling of glory. That feeling of attention and just bask in it while playing my modesty card and revel in like yeah, that feels good type of thought.
I'm going to try to read the Bible, work out consistently, eat healthy, trade, play the piano and guitar, dance and sing, and try to have fun with creating a business. I'm basically trying to do it all while being a single guy who is texting a few female friends. These female friends are pretty chill and attractive. I guess that's how I really prefer them to be in the first place. I guess I can go for searching a more tied down relationship but I don't think I'm ready for it. Not until I know I'm pretty set and have everything going for me. I'm still missing a few necessary things, but I do know that I will be supportive in some way and loving already.
I'm sure if I stuck to it and did some research and put more time into it then maybe I would get that feeling of glory. That feeling of attention and just bask in it while playing my modesty card and revel in like yeah, that feels good type of thought.
I'm going to try to read the Bible, work out consistently, eat healthy, trade, play the piano and guitar, dance and sing, and try to have fun with creating a business. I'm basically trying to do it all while being a single guy who is texting a few female friends. These female friends are pretty chill and attractive. I guess that's how I really prefer them to be in the first place. I guess I can go for searching a more tied down relationship but I don't think I'm ready for it. Not until I know I'm pretty set and have everything going for me. I'm still missing a few necessary things, but I do know that I will be supportive in some way and loving already.
Finally Happening
I'm now very confident about solving my problems with a few people. I have a reason with why I choose to not end it so soon. I'm worried about the mess it can create and I don't really want to publicize it with my friends who are there. Then again, I really have to question if those people are really my friends then if they are going to criticize my behavior. Maybe they themselves want to be selfish about the incident and just avoid negativity in general. If I were to engage in some activity that would embarrass those estranged peers of mine, then these so called friends would want to stay away because they wouldn't want to deal with my ire.
I think the reason why people bring up issues with me is because of my demeanor of choosing to be indifferent. It might create some irritated people and they might just complain to me. If I were to make myself a hard person to deal with, then I wouldn't really have anyone talking to me. I would also have to fend for myself. I guess that's how it is mostly in the real world and that's probably a normal thing for people to do to try to be successful in life.
I think having a warm nature and being kind is great to let all of that out with friends and people you accept. Having a well-established family and good spouse really does feed a lot of balance with creating boundaries with allies and political enemies. To know all of these general things and try to lead the way, I guess it's really healthy to just know how to win.
I think the reason why people bring up issues with me is because of my demeanor of choosing to be indifferent. It might create some irritated people and they might just complain to me. If I were to make myself a hard person to deal with, then I wouldn't really have anyone talking to me. I would also have to fend for myself. I guess that's how it is mostly in the real world and that's probably a normal thing for people to do to try to be successful in life.
I think having a warm nature and being kind is great to let all of that out with friends and people you accept. Having a well-established family and good spouse really does feed a lot of balance with creating boundaries with allies and political enemies. To know all of these general things and try to lead the way, I guess it's really healthy to just know how to win.
Patience
I think a lot of my insides really desire something to happen and there's pretty much a waiting period for it. Now I can really expect something good to be okay with a female friend who I initially had a crush with. I feel now that we are on pretty equal terms and could seriously balance each other out if we ever developed any serious relationship. It's been almost a year of friendship and she's been such a blessing to have as a friend.
One of my lonely friends asked me why we aren't dating. One of the reasons is that she's dating someone else right now and they've been going at it for a long time. I don't want to go in for a steal so I prefer going for the next best thing which is just asking about her preferences. I figure that other girls like her might be out there and I could go for one later on in life, if I get very lucky to meet her. I'm pretty interested in putting my best foot forward most of the time and staying gentle, while generally easy going about things are.
I seriously have a cool friendship with a few girls now and they are quite attractive I should add. I feel happy for a female friend who I wasn't really so keen on in the beginning. I just wasn't feeling really connected to her and she was just weird to me. Later on, I'm realizing that several girls can be like her as well to a certain degree and that I need to be accepting. The fact that my friend started taking some initiative to improve her appearance by trying to be sexy, it's actually been cool to hang out with her.
One of my lonely friends asked me why we aren't dating. One of the reasons is that she's dating someone else right now and they've been going at it for a long time. I don't want to go in for a steal so I prefer going for the next best thing which is just asking about her preferences. I figure that other girls like her might be out there and I could go for one later on in life, if I get very lucky to meet her. I'm pretty interested in putting my best foot forward most of the time and staying gentle, while generally easy going about things are.
I seriously have a cool friendship with a few girls now and they are quite attractive I should add. I feel happy for a female friend who I wasn't really so keen on in the beginning. I just wasn't feeling really connected to her and she was just weird to me. Later on, I'm realizing that several girls can be like her as well to a certain degree and that I need to be accepting. The fact that my friend started taking some initiative to improve her appearance by trying to be sexy, it's actually been cool to hang out with her.
Establishing Swagger
One of my old trainers talked about me needing some swagger. It was while driving a school bus, and I really hated it. I was nervous about doing it because I was thinking about the negative labeling I could be exposed to by my peers. I felt the same way while trying to learn to drive a truck.
I had a coveted college degree after all and couldn't do anything to market myself because I was so weak at it. People were trying to give me advice on what to do and I was just hurting on the inside and feeling like exploding and attacking them from feeling sensitive about the whole thing. Well, a lot of that has changed recently after being able to hold a job for almost five years now. It's the longest I've ever gone in my career.
I'm looking to change careers now and grow there. I feel like I'm ready to deal with some of the hardships and disappointments and to also work at it to be a winner.
I had a coveted college degree after all and couldn't do anything to market myself because I was so weak at it. People were trying to give me advice on what to do and I was just hurting on the inside and feeling like exploding and attacking them from feeling sensitive about the whole thing. Well, a lot of that has changed recently after being able to hold a job for almost five years now. It's the longest I've ever gone in my career.
I'm looking to change careers now and grow there. I feel like I'm ready to deal with some of the hardships and disappointments and to also work at it to be a winner.
Dealing With Anger Issues
Some older ladies who are already in their 50s and slightly overweight from having undergone body changes may have anger issues. This might be the same for men as well. I'm realizing that people have these issues and it's like it isn't uncommon.
I am surrounded by great company of people most of the time. It's amazing to be around these group of friends and to socialize with a common interest. I really enjoy it. I'm still finding myself recalling some hard and painful incidents that fill me up with anger and I find myself yelling out swear words while no one is around. It's one of my lonely activities that I'm not too proud of. I have another that I do as well, but I'm not really going to explain it.
I'm now trying to limit myself in doing those activities the best I can. I'm embracing that I'm going to do those things that I would prefer not to. I have been pretty good about not saying swear words around other people though and it was a habit that I formed at around elementary school.
However, despite me limiting my vocabulary of generally accepted obscene words; I can't help but yell at people sometimes to let out my anger. I'm not afraid to yell at people now when they just end up making me feel offended while they are going on a power trip. The people who I have some problems with were just being selfish with some issues of their own. I'm not afraid to voice out in a straight manner what's painfully affecting me because my desire after all is to just get along with everyone in a fair manner, if I can help it.
I am surrounded by great company of people most of the time. It's amazing to be around these group of friends and to socialize with a common interest. I really enjoy it. I'm still finding myself recalling some hard and painful incidents that fill me up with anger and I find myself yelling out swear words while no one is around. It's one of my lonely activities that I'm not too proud of. I have another that I do as well, but I'm not really going to explain it.
I'm now trying to limit myself in doing those activities the best I can. I'm embracing that I'm going to do those things that I would prefer not to. I have been pretty good about not saying swear words around other people though and it was a habit that I formed at around elementary school.
However, despite me limiting my vocabulary of generally accepted obscene words; I can't help but yell at people sometimes to let out my anger. I'm not afraid to yell at people now when they just end up making me feel offended while they are going on a power trip. The people who I have some problems with were just being selfish with some issues of their own. I'm not afraid to voice out in a straight manner what's painfully affecting me because my desire after all is to just get along with everyone in a fair manner, if I can help it.
Recommitting Myself
I'm realizing that one desire that I have stands out really well and may not really be God's intention. I think a lot of it really deals with being patient and mature and working at where the person desires to be with someone like a friend. Sure it takes a lot of practice and some mistakes will happen, but I guess that's what life is about. Sometimes have to just keep moving while feeling optimistic about things, I guess.
I'm not really so bothered about seeing cops around anymore. Like last night when I was driving home at around 3 am after a long night's work, I saw a cop pull right in front of my main intersection and block it off like there was some type of accident. If I was in my paranoid mood, I would have not liked it one bit. Yet, I'm closing in on these feelings lately and just learning to deal with them.
I'm not really so bothered about seeing cops around anymore. Like last night when I was driving home at around 3 am after a long night's work, I saw a cop pull right in front of my main intersection and block it off like there was some type of accident. If I was in my paranoid mood, I would have not liked it one bit. Yet, I'm closing in on these feelings lately and just learning to deal with them.
Wow
I have been trying to find some time to kill to type on this blog. It feels like some type of biological clock for me in that I need to put some effort into this site. After all, reading what I put from last time, I'm just sitting here right now going "Wow, is that what I really put?"
Anyway, with the humor that's part of my normal routine, a smart friend does the same to me as well. We exchange a little bit of banter which is fun to say the truth. I don't really mind about that and I'm staying very true to it without trying to one up him so much as I used to.
Anyway, with the humor that's part of my normal routine, a smart friend does the same to me as well. We exchange a little bit of banter which is fun to say the truth. I don't really mind about that and I'm staying very true to it without trying to one up him so much as I used to.
Friday, November 11, 2016
More Mature Dealing With Girls
I'm typing on this thing at this blog while standing here naked. I just got back from the gym and I'm typing away at this keyboard. There's nothing pornographic because I'm not putting a photograph of myself on here for the ladies to stare at my almost forming six pack and my other curious organs that they might be interested in looking at.
I'm about to take a shower after a pretty easy routine day at the gym. I had fun working out actually and I was all smiles from not really struggling that hard. I did do a few tough workouts like trying to max out my pull ups.
The most mature feeling that I'm getting is for my sister. I'm thinking about buying here a pretty girly gift for Christmas now. I'm seeing her as a lady now and joking around all cool with her. I don't feel that nasty feeling of contempt for her now. I guess I've grown over it and becoming more mature about how things are with people.
I admit that I'm selfish and want all of that loving attention from people and it has to be genuine. Not some type of like obligatory feeling. If I get enough of that then I feel like I'm on top of the world while putting on my modesty card all throughout my days. Sometimes I may get a genuine high and try to do something wild to have fun, but then again, I'm more sure about how I want to coexist with girls who are my beautiful friends these days and do fun stuff with them. I'm so cool about them being around their husbands and boyfriends and kids or whatever. Even the girls I like, I'm starting to feel in that manner too. I'm seriously getting better at being patient with myself.
I'm about to take a shower after a pretty easy routine day at the gym. I had fun working out actually and I was all smiles from not really struggling that hard. I did do a few tough workouts like trying to max out my pull ups.
The most mature feeling that I'm getting is for my sister. I'm thinking about buying here a pretty girly gift for Christmas now. I'm seeing her as a lady now and joking around all cool with her. I don't feel that nasty feeling of contempt for her now. I guess I've grown over it and becoming more mature about how things are with people.
I admit that I'm selfish and want all of that loving attention from people and it has to be genuine. Not some type of like obligatory feeling. If I get enough of that then I feel like I'm on top of the world while putting on my modesty card all throughout my days. Sometimes I may get a genuine high and try to do something wild to have fun, but then again, I'm more sure about how I want to coexist with girls who are my beautiful friends these days and do fun stuff with them. I'm so cool about them being around their husbands and boyfriends and kids or whatever. Even the girls I like, I'm starting to feel in that manner too. I'm seriously getting better at being patient with myself.
Bizarre Feelings
I think it's normal to deal with weird feelings that just make you want to lose yourself with doing meaningless and fun activities. For myself, I've been playing FreeCell and Hearts to try to calm myself down and play them efficiently. I care about winning and I guess that's where my competitive edge sort of takes place for me.
It's just a little thing that I grew up with. It used to be all about playing Sega Genesis back when I was a teen. I had this ritual of playing some old fighting games like Street Fighter 2 and Virtual Fighters in expert mode. I managed to beat them and was committed to doing so. I had this weird feeling that I was wasting time. I even felt empty at times because there were those moments when acquaintances brought their systems over and I just gushed over the fun video games my parents couldn't afford to buy me. I was under a lot of torment and trying to hide away my shyness from turning to video games.
Nowadays, I'm not so shy anymore. I'm okay with talking to people. I've been more mature about dealing with my short stature in height. I'm just 5' 3" individual and okay, I might fall under being just a tad short than bare minimum. It really shouldn't keep me from enjoying a good life if I can work hard for it.
It's just a little thing that I grew up with. It used to be all about playing Sega Genesis back when I was a teen. I had this ritual of playing some old fighting games like Street Fighter 2 and Virtual Fighters in expert mode. I managed to beat them and was committed to doing so. I had this weird feeling that I was wasting time. I even felt empty at times because there were those moments when acquaintances brought their systems over and I just gushed over the fun video games my parents couldn't afford to buy me. I was under a lot of torment and trying to hide away my shyness from turning to video games.
Nowadays, I'm not so shy anymore. I'm okay with talking to people. I've been more mature about dealing with my short stature in height. I'm just 5' 3" individual and okay, I might fall under being just a tad short than bare minimum. It really shouldn't keep me from enjoying a good life if I can work hard for it.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Typical View About Managing Success
In the world of Information Technology, three basic concepts run it: input, process, and output. Input in layman terms is basically what you are starting with. Process is doing the work to turn input into output. Output is the end product that can be sold on the market. As a Computer Science major, some of my old-time college professors occasionally mnemonized to us the acronym KISS which stands for keep it simple stupid (!). Henceforth, the invention of computer microchips by technologically savvy enthusiasts that perform complicated tasks from shuffling around two numbers - 1s and 0s.
From this proper anecdote, I'm able to draw upon three basic things for achieving success and staying consistently happy: patience, commitment, and reevaluation. Startling relating this to IT which is my undergraduate field of study, you may find it still easy to understand. Patience is what you are starting with or is going in to your systematic setup. Commitment is the process that you will be go through to achieve success, which includes hard work and sticking to it. Reevaluation will be gauging how you are feeling or your level of interest after obtaining some moderate results. It's pretty much then a rinse, clean, and repeat agenda.
Where I've found lacking in patience has taken me is that while trying to score high on my IQ tests, I quickly dismissed a couple bizarre questions from feeling time constrained. After receiving the answer and going back to review it, I probably gloated for over an hour regardless due to my senseless time management skills until I realized I can solve the problem. What I'm getting out of this is that if I had willed myself to hang on longer, I would have tested as an absolute genius that matches Stephen Hawking. However, I'm just a smart guy in the normal crowd with an IQ of 140.
Commitment is in a way like playing with fire. I was so committed to staying on top of consistently beating my friend Angel who has obsessively tried to keep on getting better. He is a formidable opponent now compared to how he was when he first started. From mentoring him like I was his "Yoda" with my supposedly unbeatable deck, he lit up with so much excitement when he ended up with consistently introducing decks and reckless ideas that would deliver my game to the abyss.
Reevaluating is so hard to stay true to especially when you know that feel-good and awesome, heart-pounding activity with a partner might be constraining your other commitments. Anyhow with Angel, I ended up playing a little too many fun games that would turn it into sleepless nights for me. Driving home tried at 5 am after checking in his place at like 11 pm? I guess I wasn't having it anymore.
Inspiring others is definitely a thing I see you can do if you master success and stay happy with it. With Angel, I realized that I was just a human guinea pig with my already established decks. He ended up assenting to me saying that I need to focus my efforts elsewhere for awhile to get things back in order for me. I let Angel indefinitely borrow all of my prized decks so that he could mock play with his own decks. I parted from this game in true and gentle spirit. I told him, "Get a job that you like and then I'll be back playing with you." Expected time frame? About a few years. Angel was already proposing on steps he'll take to invigorate his income earnings by the time I left his doorstep. Instead of feeling dreaded from losing a valuable playing partner, Angel had a sense of peace in him. "Buy me an Angel Horror card [pun unintended] for $30 for my birthday", Angel requested.
From this proper anecdote, I'm able to draw upon three basic things for achieving success and staying consistently happy: patience, commitment, and reevaluation. Startling relating this to IT which is my undergraduate field of study, you may find it still easy to understand. Patience is what you are starting with or is going in to your systematic setup. Commitment is the process that you will be go through to achieve success, which includes hard work and sticking to it. Reevaluation will be gauging how you are feeling or your level of interest after obtaining some moderate results. It's pretty much then a rinse, clean, and repeat agenda.
Where I've found lacking in patience has taken me is that while trying to score high on my IQ tests, I quickly dismissed a couple bizarre questions from feeling time constrained. After receiving the answer and going back to review it, I probably gloated for over an hour regardless due to my senseless time management skills until I realized I can solve the problem. What I'm getting out of this is that if I had willed myself to hang on longer, I would have tested as an absolute genius that matches Stephen Hawking. However, I'm just a smart guy in the normal crowd with an IQ of 140.
Commitment is in a way like playing with fire. I was so committed to staying on top of consistently beating my friend Angel who has obsessively tried to keep on getting better. He is a formidable opponent now compared to how he was when he first started. From mentoring him like I was his "Yoda" with my supposedly unbeatable deck, he lit up with so much excitement when he ended up with consistently introducing decks and reckless ideas that would deliver my game to the abyss.
Reevaluating is so hard to stay true to especially when you know that feel-good and awesome, heart-pounding activity with a partner might be constraining your other commitments. Anyhow with Angel, I ended up playing a little too many fun games that would turn it into sleepless nights for me. Driving home tried at 5 am after checking in his place at like 11 pm? I guess I wasn't having it anymore.
Inspiring others is definitely a thing I see you can do if you master success and stay happy with it. With Angel, I realized that I was just a human guinea pig with my already established decks. He ended up assenting to me saying that I need to focus my efforts elsewhere for awhile to get things back in order for me. I let Angel indefinitely borrow all of my prized decks so that he could mock play with his own decks. I parted from this game in true and gentle spirit. I told him, "Get a job that you like and then I'll be back playing with you." Expected time frame? About a few years. Angel was already proposing on steps he'll take to invigorate his income earnings by the time I left his doorstep. Instead of feeling dreaded from losing a valuable playing partner, Angel had a sense of peace in him. "Buy me an Angel Horror card [pun unintended] for $30 for my birthday", Angel requested.
Better Time Management
I feel sick to the bone right now because I told one of my friends that I would write her an article about success. I was just feeling that sense of calmness while all these details and approaches were going through my small head. I was just imagining all the sentences that I was going to write about and was holding back my laughter while in this state of absolute calmness and serenity.
I then texted her, hey I think I can write something for you. She's replied with like yeah, send it over. Hmm, okay.
I then texted her, hey I think I can write something for you. She's replied with like yeah, send it over. Hmm, okay.
Way I'm Seeing Cops Now
I see them driving past me. Those cops. Yeah, a few of them know how they are jerks on the field and just trying to do their job. They like to do their job very good. I actually know a guy personally who is a cop and another guy as well who is actually a pretty laid-back red neck.
Okay, the way I'm seeing cops now is that I rejected the idea that some of them close by where I live are trying to conspire against me! I was suspicious and paranoid of them for awhile because of stupid Lee trying to keep a permanent restraining order permanently on me. She put it on me because she said she would if I didn't stop talking to her friends at church. She was complaining to me that a girl didn't want to be my friend on Facebook. I ended up getting that girl to say that she would think about it. Stupid Lee is a person with issues. I want to just constantly yell at her until my anger problems go away!
Okay, the way I'm seeing cops now is that I rejected the idea that some of them close by where I live are trying to conspire against me! I was suspicious and paranoid of them for awhile because of stupid Lee trying to keep a permanent restraining order permanently on me. She put it on me because she said she would if I didn't stop talking to her friends at church. She was complaining to me that a girl didn't want to be my friend on Facebook. I ended up getting that girl to say that she would think about it. Stupid Lee is a person with issues. I want to just constantly yell at her until my anger problems go away!
Friday, November 4, 2016
My Kryptonite, My Weaknesses
I feel like my kryptonite is really wanting to be married, have an intimate and satisfying relationship, and be pretty well off in this world in the midst of scheme of things. While it's great to have so much fun because I struggled so hard at the beginning stages of my life, I'm falling into a pit constantly but I can't go any further down than I am already. It's like I've reached my lowest point and just can't become any more depraved than I already am.
I am currently at my worst. Nothing is really stopping me from reading the Bible and studying it though. I'm reveling at reading this commentary on it though and from it, it's helping me gain insight without putting so much effort as I should be doing. Anyhow, I'll pray with a broken and contrite heart because that's what I always do when I fall.
I am currently at my worst. Nothing is really stopping me from reading the Bible and studying it though. I'm reveling at reading this commentary on it though and from it, it's helping me gain insight without putting so much effort as I should be doing. Anyhow, I'll pray with a broken and contrite heart because that's what I always do when I fall.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
I Get It
I am actually a pretty smart guy on the average scale of intelligence. I might as well just try to go all out and give it my all and work hard for my happiness while being in accordance with God right? I don't know how many people in this world want to have a relationship with Jesus and I mean at a serious, intimate level.
I wrote this paragraph a little early and have to marvel at it myself in the direction I was led to. Oh yeah, I took the I.Q. test earlier and that made me feel a lot more accomplished and confident after taking it.
I think the biggest things I need to work on are just mainly diligence and patience. From having those two qualities, even though I felt like I was to explode inside for about half of my life while growing up, it helped me get the straight A's. However, I was not in tune with my social life and others. I was a very paranoid book warm probably from wanting to blow up on the inside.
Things have taken almost a complete 180 degree turn these days. After having a run in with stupid Lee and then later meeting a female friend who is turning out to be like a friend with benefit, I've actually been getting very confident about my socializing.
I am definitely a pretty in-tuned and happy lad at the moment. I guess I should look to settle down with a good girl. Even if she's like hyper fat, I might still give her a chance because I might try to make her constantly move her butt to make her keep up with me. A super fat and ugly woman can work out and end up becoming a beautiful swan, right? I think it would be amazing to see that transformation and help her get there. I might be like so forceful and hard on her and she may even want to be lazy, so then I wouldn't even date her then.
I wrote this paragraph a little early and have to marvel at it myself in the direction I was led to. Oh yeah, I took the I.Q. test earlier and that made me feel a lot more accomplished and confident after taking it.
I think the biggest things I need to work on are just mainly diligence and patience. From having those two qualities, even though I felt like I was to explode inside for about half of my life while growing up, it helped me get the straight A's. However, I was not in tune with my social life and others. I was a very paranoid book warm probably from wanting to blow up on the inside.
Things have taken almost a complete 180 degree turn these days. After having a run in with stupid Lee and then later meeting a female friend who is turning out to be like a friend with benefit, I've actually been getting very confident about my socializing.
I am definitely a pretty in-tuned and happy lad at the moment. I guess I should look to settle down with a good girl. Even if she's like hyper fat, I might still give her a chance because I might try to make her constantly move her butt to make her keep up with me. A super fat and ugly woman can work out and end up becoming a beautiful swan, right? I think it would be amazing to see that transformation and help her get there. I might be like so forceful and hard on her and she may even want to be lazy, so then I wouldn't even date her then.
Facebook Times
I guess on Facebook I was trying to hunt for some likes on my status updates. I had maybe a nice female friend hit the like button. She probably emphasizes with my posts. It's like I'm not really being given any attention.
Anyhow I'm just having fun with it and really laughing inward about it. I feel this level of comfort and confidence with my posts and I think that's the successful, peaceful, and positive energy that's just spreading throughout my posts and keeping the stupid and negative people I still have as Facebook friends quiet.
It's not like all my friends are dumb. I'm just trying to have fun with it I guess. Literally, some of my posts are actually pretty funny. It's nice that friends read my posts and let me get away with it a lot more.
I'm starting to tell stories and making people laugh. This is pretty much my intention.
Anyhow I'm just having fun with it and really laughing inward about it. I feel this level of comfort and confidence with my posts and I think that's the successful, peaceful, and positive energy that's just spreading throughout my posts and keeping the stupid and negative people I still have as Facebook friends quiet.
It's not like all my friends are dumb. I'm just trying to have fun with it I guess. Literally, some of my posts are actually pretty funny. It's nice that friends read my posts and let me get away with it a lot more.
I'm starting to tell stories and making people laugh. This is pretty much my intention.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Need To Let It Go
I have so much energy right now from feeling testosterone build-up. I wasted a little bit of time from playing the card games Heart and Free Cell. I shouldn't really mess around with that. I'm just going to let it go.
What I do want to do in place is really go out do some more physical activities like bowling and rock climbing and getting my other stuff done like trading and going for a Master's degree. I also want to read the Bible and continue to work on trying to grow my hair.
Basically, letting my go from resting by playing computer games or watching T.V. is not really cutting for the busy and fun life that I have cut out for myself. I guess in true time management in its sense, I need to just commit to it better and keep on going.
I don't have the luxury of a woman's love in my life currently. It would be nice, but from the way I've been living, it really looks like I actually wouldn't do so well with it anyway. I really need to do my part to begin with, so that's where I should start getting serious while being patient about it.
What I do want to do in place is really go out do some more physical activities like bowling and rock climbing and getting my other stuff done like trading and going for a Master's degree. I also want to read the Bible and continue to work on trying to grow my hair.
Basically, letting my go from resting by playing computer games or watching T.V. is not really cutting for the busy and fun life that I have cut out for myself. I guess in true time management in its sense, I need to just commit to it better and keep on going.
I don't have the luxury of a woman's love in my life currently. It would be nice, but from the way I've been living, it really looks like I actually wouldn't do so well with it anyway. I really need to do my part to begin with, so that's where I should start getting serious while being patient about it.
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Still Problems
I just don't really care but now the way I'm looking at it. With this ongoing feeling of lust going through my body, I'm feeling a better surge of confidence. Actually not really, but I'm trying.
I just don't really care anymore. I don't want to act like a fool while feeling lust over this one girl who is my buddy and like a friend with benefit. I'm not going to commit a foul sinful act in the sight of Jesus.
I just don't really care after all how things are. It's just the way it is. Things will never be the same. Oh yeah?
Anyway since I don't care. I do care about trying hard instead of staying a hard person with people who tick me off. I'm all over them and making angry noises from just shouting at them consistently and rattling their ears. Man, I don't feel powerful but stupid from doing those things. I feel human after all of that mess. I guess I do need to shout at those individuals I feel something unfair with.
It's been so long and been so really built up in me that I ended up getting in an argument with my parents about marrying a girl who is not my ethnicity. I shouted at my dad who was yelling at me. It became messy and I kept on shouting at my dad and he's like in the end, "Do whatever man. You are a grown adult and American." My dad is so full of it sometimes, but I have to respect that he wants the best for me and he tried to encourage me by saying someone is really my match and she's out there. He said to just be patient.
I'm actually preparing for that day by trying to make myself into a rich and athletic individual! I'm working on it and myself as well by giving myself good experiences. At least this friend who is like my friend with benefit at heart is dating someone I can try developing some cool characteristics off of. I have a feeling that the guy she's dating has an ugly and poorly developed side to him as well. I think he's funny, but he does seem to just get around and get a lot of credit from my friend who must love him a good deal still.
I just don't really care anymore. I don't want to act like a fool while feeling lust over this one girl who is my buddy and like a friend with benefit. I'm not going to commit a foul sinful act in the sight of Jesus.
I just don't really care after all how things are. It's just the way it is. Things will never be the same. Oh yeah?
Anyway since I don't care. I do care about trying hard instead of staying a hard person with people who tick me off. I'm all over them and making angry noises from just shouting at them consistently and rattling their ears. Man, I don't feel powerful but stupid from doing those things. I feel human after all of that mess. I guess I do need to shout at those individuals I feel something unfair with.
It's been so long and been so really built up in me that I ended up getting in an argument with my parents about marrying a girl who is not my ethnicity. I shouted at my dad who was yelling at me. It became messy and I kept on shouting at my dad and he's like in the end, "Do whatever man. You are a grown adult and American." My dad is so full of it sometimes, but I have to respect that he wants the best for me and he tried to encourage me by saying someone is really my match and she's out there. He said to just be patient.
I'm actually preparing for that day by trying to make myself into a rich and athletic individual! I'm working on it and myself as well by giving myself good experiences. At least this friend who is like my friend with benefit at heart is dating someone I can try developing some cool characteristics off of. I have a feeling that the guy she's dating has an ugly and poorly developed side to him as well. I think he's funny, but he does seem to just get around and get a lot of credit from my friend who must love him a good deal still.
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