What Can Be Fun

While driving to work this morning, I found out that I have some impulsive thoughts while being all by myself. I'm totally all about driving while on auto-pilot and thinking about things or listening to a morning sermon from an excited pastor who has been doing it for over thirty years now! You just look at the road ahead of you and stare at other drivers for fun as an excuse while checking the mirrors for safety occasionally and then react to avoid hazards naturally. It's all based on how aware you are and in the beginning, I was so paranoid about not getting into any accidents. I made some blunders and got lucky that I never hurt anybody while I was a nervous wreck. I'm still considered a great driver, so I have premium insurance even though they hate on me while seeing me as high risk taker because I drive a convertible and I'm still single.

It's crazy in that it's about honesty out of trying to do the right thing and how it's actually paid off well when I was doing it. When I didn't do this and held back out of being afraid, it only made the situation worse for me. There's more to just being blunt while being so angry with people- it totally hurts their feelings and will shut them up while the person who is acting this way gets to laugh so hard; well, this is my case but I don't know how it goes for others. What about also having love and trying to do the right thing?

I'm talking about controlling everything that goes on as registering with being funny and not really laughing so hard about it. I mean it's about containing it inward- it feels really good right? This can actually be so fun to do while being bored and lonely. I'm still growing bald and my dad thinks I'm stressing out while looking at me holding in all that laughter usually. I feel great though and body feels so relaxed- I think it's hereditary and my dad thinks it's odd that I'm getting bald even though he's bald himself. My dad is just a weird guy and excuses stuff he hates as being weird or gets a short fuse about it and smokes in an unhealthy fashion. He's going to die and I figure I can't reach my dad anymore and someone else has to, but when he gets really sick around the next ten to twenty years, I believe my dad is going to think it's weird too and bug my mom about it!

In a way, containing thoughts that make us go impulsive is actually fun. I should mention this to the people who went crazy with me over the little stuff! It's also unusually healthy with helping one to bring things together and pay attention to the good stuff that's being discussed or to even explore other areas of interest.

Getting So Old

Thinking about the same thing over and over again on repeat gets very tiresome after awhile and it's like if a person was so mad about things that happened and kept on thinking about it, it just feels like it doesn't matter anymore. This is the point I'm at now over the little things I was so angry and paranoid over. I just don't really care anymore and ready to get a move on with my current situation in life.

It's quite possible though that bringing up the topic directly with related people who were a pain about it is going to strike some of their nerves and give them a hard time and cause them to become impulsively angry! It's really funny to notice this now, and the only thing that made it turn into a lost cause in my opinion is because of my failure to notice this was going on and also never really saying the whole truth about it. It really sucks to be shy for purposes of trying to stay nice and angry at the same time. It's all of this pent-up energy that was built up from frustration and imagine how it's going to seem so crazy to those annoying foolish people who are so unsuspecting of what they did and claiming they did absolutely nothing to the person and having nothing against him or her.

From being so honest and trying to be smart about it, I can argue from experience that it would force one being that way to be very expressive and think intelligently without just running the mouth and yelling like a cantankerous nincompoop over a trivial issue another person is feeling sensitive about and wants to address while still being friends. Out of my experience, with me stating all of these things, it gets the other person I was upset at to just stay quiet with me and keep on smiling about it.

I guess my intentions now is that I really don't care they were being crazy with me over nothing serious. I still have my life and the things they said would happen never really came to pass. They were just really mad about stuff and having a hard time thinking through it from being so selfishly impulsive and having trouble managing their frustrations while staying friendly about it. I mean I can try to understand and just not really be affected by all of it and be equally selfish while remaining a calm person. I really want recognition from these types of people because it gives me a sense that I conquered some type of puzzle dealing with others, and it's a step closer to achieving heaven with personal relationships that really matter in the end.

Making Choices Based On Faith

I seriously believe in Jesus being my Lord and savior all by faith. I believe that he resurrected based on reading the Bible and even though I don't get scientifically how Mary could conceive Jesus through only God and no earthly father, I accept it based on only faith. It's through having faith in Jesus that I want to be loving towards people I'm still mad at because they were so annoying to me in the past.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:8 that for anyone to say he or she is without any sin is a liar. This means that we all live in a fallen world and even other Christians at Hope of God Church in Los Angeles right off of Caesar Chavez Blvd who acted like a bunch of lame morons with me at a stupid church I had selfish reasons over wanting to still attend can't be perfect in their faith either. It's that old beaten up and small church right off the freeway that was used as a wedding chapel in the past when it used to look so cute! I loved going to that church because I loved the feeling of fellowship with a small group of believers. However, they turned crazy on me and had all these anger issues over stuff I don't really concern myself over. I don't agree with all of their doctrine either and allowing for a female pastor. Yeah, that's taking it too far especially when the Apostle Paul said in 1 Tim 2:12, "I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. "

Another cool church I have associated with before even allowed for a female associate pastor and a girl I think has a very cute personality now kept on calling her pastor and giving her all this respect and adoration like that lady pastor is her leader. Okay, I think that's cool in a sense.

Anyhow, I had trouble speaking up and this is what's required for me now based on Scriptures. The Bible points out that when a person is trying to sue you, you should try to resolve it before it gets too out of hand. This is what the lady leader Lee who acted like an appointed pastor ignored with me at Hope of God Church. You just can't assume every Christian will know the Bible like a regular Christian should know, based on what the Bible says.

Anyway what's nice is finally moving on and choosing to be overflowing with grace, love, and mercy with those idiot Christians I was angry at for a long period of time. I'm still mad at them but I'm trying to overlook it on a daily basis now. If I can't, I'm just going to be making fun of them and laughing my butt off, but yeah I should add in some loving effect just because of my faith in Jesus.

Working Through Discomfort

I'm realizing for myself that it's common for people to be impulsive over the little things. Sometimes, it gets too annoying for me and I'm so mad about it. This is an area where I have been learning to control without letting myself get it out of hand. I have to admit though that when I let loose on the person I'm mad at, it feels really good sometimes even if I'm just imagining it happening.

I think it's because of my faith in Jesus that I don't really want to be an impulsive and angry person over the little stuff that annoys me about people. From having ran outdoors quite a lot so far for exercise and experiencing some hardships in the past with completing assignments successfully and feeling so great about achieving high marks, I can see that things can't always feel good in life and it's something that you just have to work at and be consistent in while hoping to get lucky and be right about it!

It's really tempting everyday to make fun of people I'm still mad at over silly things in the past. I have been learning to try to deal with it in a more positive manner, but I have to admit it feels so good to send them a message and start laughing at them for the effect it is about to cause them. I'm just starting to not really care so much about the little things these days and realizing there are more important things to look after, despite competing with others at similar interests sometimes.

There's a smart and holistic way that can work for everyone and this is what I want to continue to believe. Now, I have learned that it's important to sometimes just stick it out even when you aren't feeling it. I hope to become a rich and very athletic gentleman soon and with all the confidence in the world a short man would ever want to score the best wife he could ever dream of.  

Reaching Goal

I guess there are simple goals- like trying to reach a one post per day average on this post, which I'm finally reaching this month. The end? No, I have more to say. There are also goals that end up turning boring right on the spot like watching an anime show that ends up having a few boring elements for a few seconds before getting addictive again and it's just a constant cycle on repeat. This whole constant cycle of being boring and then feeling exciting in an ambivalent wave pattern feels almost like a mild case of bi-polar mental disease if you ask me. How do I put up with it? I don't care about how bored I get- I'm in it for the honey always!

The only concern about finishing stupid goals like the ones I mentioned above is that it makes me feel sheepish. I feel bad about playing a video game for hours and not stopping and neglecting my homework. I don't have any homework now, thank goodness, but I create my own homework. What do I mean by that? I'm trying to be successful and make lots of money so I voluntarily make homework for myself because I desire it. If I'm not doing this homework to try to make myself successful then what's the point of feeling sheepish after finishing a stupid goal?

If I just leave that rhetorical question by itself, it's an effective post but I will feel that I left it unanswered, so I might as well try to answer it. If I don't do homework to try to make myself successful then feeling sheepish after finishing a stupid goal is very stupid for me indeed. I have something to relate my life to and it's my journey of going on those long trail runs while feeling sore everyday! You have to just sit through it even though I'm sweating like crazy and feeling agony through making my aching legs run even faster up the hills. It's not a 100% comfortable feeling always, but it's like chugging away to get to the finish line. This is how my work life should essentially be. I'm just worried that if I work too much then I won't have any fun so I feel sad about it and this is where I get exposed to fun things and don't want to leave that fun thing all throughout the night and not get a lot of sleep sometimes. I think I need to be used to this whole feeling of trail running for long durations and call it training for a better life while being bored out of my silly mind! I'm not going to do so well at it, but I'm understanding what needs to be done now.

Achieving Happiness

I'm writing this post while dealing with a headache at work. Let's see how I do! I guess I'm just trying to finally catch up so I want this to be a filler. It's pretty much like how I'm trying to attempt to write something epic for myself while having fun. I don't think a lot of people even care to read this from being too lazy, meaning it just isn't worthwhile enough to them. That's pretty nice though because a person told me he's too lazy to read my essays! I find that to be flattering because he thinks I'm capably smart.

There was a friend who told me another loser who put a restraining order on me started reading my posts like a religion. That loser friend doesn't read my blog anymore and is a messed up creature but I'm not so impulsive about trying to beat him up anymore. At the time, he thought I was some terrorist because he went through some psychosis from being so mad about how I made fun of him on this blog. This is why he put a restraining order on me- he was literally scared for his life after I made him so mad while he thought that he did nothing to me. He did do something to me- he made me really mad because he wasn't being a gentleman with this lovely lady at work who was lonely and looking for a man! This is all that chivalry stuff that I was feeling back then and boy she was a really tall woman and I'm sure she had a lot to offer while being so attractive for a black and young, single lady. The loser buddy was bad-mouthing her so bad like he owned the place he worked at and he didn't and he said don't let anyone know about this stuff he's venting. It really got on my nerves too much! Anyway this is the drama that occurred for me and he's nowhere I set my foot to anymore even with all these good people he wants to still associate with now. He just isn't worth someone taking seriously and I think even all of his girlfriends would feel troubled about that dude if I told her the whole story.

I'm achieving happiness from just writing about it on this blog and sharing it openly. I can't talk this openly with people because my spoken words don't speak faster than what I can type. I type pretty fast compared to how I talk from being so mellow and considering what I should say instead of being impulsive like having road rage and cussing out fellow drivers on the road! I'm just open and honest and not shy about it, so I think people would rather avoid me if they are so mad because I can continuously keep on playing the mellow type and make them look crazy now.

Setting Priorities Straight

I'm finding out for myself that my mind works pretty slow. I just sit there and nothing comes through for a few minutes and then it gets fired back up to the point that I go into motion. Just try doing this all day, nothing will be done! Well, I'm sure some progress can still be made. It will just take a bit longer while being stretched out into days.

So now the question really is more like, what can be done to be fully content with one's own life? Setting up a simple routine and getting it done while having discussions among friends who are interested is great. It's nice to be friends with a couple lovely ladies who are really into working out. They can seriously point me in a good direction with reminders of what I know already. I can tell that they like me, which is cool. I guess relationships aren't really all about the act of making babies while having so much fun and focusing only on what's fun and not resulting in any kids. It's interesting for sure!

I'm seriously in disagreement these days with the school of old generational thinking. It's really quite weird in that I may not be having the lone and weird crazy life. A lot of people think in this same fashion and even experience it. With my culture, I'm around Koreans who believe in marrying other Koreans to stay within the culture. It's pretty cool actually to stay in it and to find someone nice and attractive to marry within one's own culture. However, I think it's more important to find the partner with the right qualities that will work on the long run.

I'm making this whole post about relationships I want to be in for setting my priorities. I guess then it's a major priority for me because it's something I desire these days. I have this thought of being lonely and all by myself while I'm rich and living in a great house while so healthy and with lots of free time. Oh man, it's the life and when I'm feeling lonely, I'll be just trying to reach out with meeting more nice ladies. It's really just that simple with planning.  

Staying Resilient

Resiliency is basically the state of having the character needed to be consistent at something. It's incredibly difficult to retain consistency as a lifestyle, but it's what's needed to make it work. Investing in smart people is awesome, but what if there's not enough money to do so then pretty much, a person is going to have to rely on something he or she is talented with and hope to get lucky.

I think like begets like and I'm entirely basing this blog off of just being personally myself. It's like I'm after doing myself a service and to get myself motivated while knowing my own full intentions with what I wrote. Back then, I had no control over what I was writing but I was too shy to even mention it to people I was mad at and sending those annoying messages to. It's actually really selfish but I think it's funny with what happened now since I'm not afraid of what I did anymore because it makes fun of them without them knowing what I'm really talking about and had them get very irritated about talking about it.

People can be so crazy from being impulsive and this is what I learned over something silly like sending passive aggressive messages that just centered on me making fun of them in the nicest way I could and letting out my grudge with them. I hit the send button with them and it was all this tension. It wasn't nice, but what I mentioned had nothing in there to really get me in trouble so it made them really scared. I was making them uncomfortable and it all happened because I got mad at them over nothing really serious. They aren't perfect people as well and they responded in a bad manner to me before I got mad at them, so I'm guessing they weren't aware of it. I think it's important for me to stay resilient with myself and people acting crazy around me from being impulsive. Self-control is even hard to contain for law enforcement officers and I even gave a few a hard time because they were probably tempted from having anger issues. With those anger issues coming out, it makes them feel bad about it later on and there are also repercussions they have to feel lucky about not happening because it didn't get that far. The incident isn't also that serious, so it will not make them look very good now from having acted in that manner and others find out about so I guess they weren't meant  to deal with it and I just have to let them know next time when they are caught up in my own drama.

Understanding Time Management

For myself, I'm starting to realize that my long-term desires and short-term ones don't match up. It's like while I'm in the moment, I want to be happy from keeping myself entertained and eat anything to my heart's content and not get fat off of it! At the same time, I want to have the love of my life to enjoy getting physically intimate with. I mean it's just all of this excess fun and enjoyment that you want, right? However, it's not happening for me. I wonder what's missing for me.

I know I'm lacking in somewhere with my personal character during my time management. I'm not enabling myself enough during these critical periods of free time I find myself in. With this free time, I'm just surfing the web and letting my mind wander while trying to read up on entertaining things like celebrities' lavish lifestyles or maybe about popular movies. I even read up on user comments on sports sites and have fun laughing at arguments that get a little out of hand, while not getting myself involved. I'm perfectly fine with being this anonymous observer at the moment and feel content with trying to organize around my life.

Reading up on material that I found curious about wanting to know, I've learned there are quite some useful and free information. It seems like it really takes a lot of common sense and being patient with gaining experience before coming away with figuring something out. I guess it's just putting in the time to go seeking and having willingness to experience working through some setbacks. From having made myself sore the past week with running six days straight out of the seven, I'm realizing that it requires just sitting through it sometimes to get to a result. It's not the most comfortable feeling in the world but it's necessary in order to achieve the desired result and it's all done out of living as a privilege.

I realize that I messed myself up from being mentally unstable while growing up. I didn't have the role model that I wanted and I was so shy and unbreakable with my lifestyle choices. It's not too bad because I didn't hammer away my brain cells. I just didn't have the best parents to help me through in those really important life-changing moments. It would have been great, but they didn't really know how to be successful. I'm still living with them and now, I just want to make a lot of money so I can comfortably move out and have a great experience with finding a nice partner.

Embracing Suffering

I have yet to find out the entire truth about myself, but I think a lot of incidents that I don't like happen because I'm just being selfish and not man enough to handle it. Fortunately, the worst thing that happens to me is just losing time but with the efforts I have made to become a better person, it doesn't really feel that hard with being the person I like to be around others. I'm taking interest these days in a good way with people, and I know it while feeling great about it. It's not really a big deal to communicate openly, and I was just so shy back then from being selfish about not wanting myself to look bad. I ended up making it bad for myself anyway from being too shy because I turned off quite a few girls I was interested in getting to know. I mean it's not bad that people generally don't really have anything against me, but a few do struggle with being crazy to me in certain areas and can't resolve it while being fully loving about it.

My area of struggle really comes from boredom and wanting to rely on a beautiful lady I'm married with to provide some loving comfort. I'm lacking confidence in this area because I'm always short-sighting myself and not able to have enough patience. I can't do this everyday because it always gets boring after awhile before resetting, but I have been practicing with developing stamina from using inspiration from pornographic actors! It's pretty funny with what I'm doing and how I look at it. I'm just not addicted to the material- it's the signs and wonders of exploring my body that I'm more concerned about! I have been trying to study how to provide utmost physical pleasure for someone but intend to use the knowledge only for marriage. I guess from a heart issue and a spiritual standpoint, I could do better for myself but yeah, this is really a borderline sin that I'm flirting with. It's basically one of those in the closet things that people are probably going to prefer never finding out about. It's not that my status will change with them too much if they do, so I'm just writing freely about it on this blog.

This blog really has this effect of giving me freedom from some of the stresses I deal with. I'm realizing that I'm a really selfish guy even though I prefer to get around while trying to stay nice with everybody. I'm living under happiness from believing upon my Lord and savior Jesus. I want to be the best I can be to lead others who haven't to give God a chance and to allow Him to change them for the better and experience so much freedom from bondage of sins. I'm going to need to keep working on myself, and I'm realizing that maybe my struggle might be a byproduct of my past issue with short-term bipolar / schizophrenic condition. My mom has stated to not talk about it while crying about it several times with me. I have insisted on bringing it up all the time, but my parents think I'm trying to blame them for it. In a way, I sort of do because of the way they handled a few key moments I was really sensitive about while growing up. They aren't perfect parents and have weird beliefs and to have been raised by them, I didn't really get much feedback from them because they were more focused on making money to catch up in life and pretty much just have each other to deal with. It's a pretty weird relationship, so I wonder if how they acted with each other really is causing me to not want to just jump into a relationship. I probably don't want to break up with anyone nor get into a nasty fight when I do get in one, so this is probably why I haven't found the one yet.

Black Friday Resolutions

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day and I ended up having a long lunch with my sister and her boyfriend. After that, I ended up playing Magic the Gathering by myself the whole time. I was really intrigued by the idea of studying the whole synergy of a few decks. I stumbled upon creating a modern type deck that could win in the third turn and nothing can be done about it, but it doesn't perfectly happen all the time. It was pretty entertaining nonetheless to just continuously test it out and play for fun.

I think it's common for people to do New Year's resolutions, but I will go after making some on Black Friday! From still being single at the age of 35 and never having had a girlfriend, I have something at least from being great friends and rather close while feeling like family with a few girls. I'm sort of greedy for meeting more nice ladies. It's crazy in that my preferences with finding a lady I want to marry really deal with her personality and decisions. I guess I've been having several opportunities with attractive women who are older and trying to hit me up on a dating website while stating they are Christian, but they have kids to take care of and I'm not too sure how to go about it yet.

With these lady friends of mine, I'm letting them down quite often and I don't mean to. I'm realizing my own faults that I need to work on for myself. They are pretty cool about it with me though. With one of them, I would actually like to end up marrying her if it's possible to have something enjoyably romantic and to stay physically passionate about on a regular basis. However, she's taken to another partner. I think I could be a decent match with her and seriously love and accept who she is even with her occasionally funny and flirty outbursts with other people. Overall, it's something for me to just make progress over and not push at. Maybe, I'm just getting warmer with the type of ladies I want to find and date.

Making Improvements

Overall it's actually a lot of fun to hang out with people and be nice. The personality of just talking out of turn to blurt out stuff is just what you do I guess to have fun. It probably starts off as annoying for some people before getting improved from maturing. It's just practically meant to be funny I guess and no actual harm done. Some of the things I have heard from co-workers is pretty aggressive, and they are putting up a stance against each other. One of the guys tells the other to shut up all the time! In this case, I don't think it's meant to be a fun thing to do with each other then. It doesn't mean that the laughter goes away while thinking about it.

Being around ladies, I'm around a lady who is studying to be a doctor. She is very open about telling me how the female body works with me in informal terms. She will even put a spin on the psychology of women, which can be quite helpful. It's nice to have a lovely friendship with these types of girls. However, I don't really find myself to be super attracted to her yet. I guess I'll keep an open mind about it because she does come across as the successful type. What I'm trying to get at mainly to stick to the title is that I'm talking more freely with girls and I had trouble doing this. I still had girls approaching me in college, and my dumb mind at the time didn't know they were actually attracted to me. I was like thinking I'm too short so I'm not going to do much and hide how much I feel so sad!

It makes it a lot easier now to have female friends I can relate to because I can say much and they will take a little offense to it! Like with my little sister, I just talked about junk all day and all night back then that she tired of it eventually and wanted to lock me in my own room and make me never come out. I was very annoying to her because I was a lost cause and such a hard worker at being one. I guess I'm lucky to finally realize all of this and to have made the right choice of trying to leave that stupid old church out of my crazy schemes. I still play an instrument and sing a song I modified just for Crazy Lee. It starts like this, "Lee I know you let yourself down. Lee, I can tell by the fact you'll come around..."

Being An Expert At Something

Well I guess it wouldn't be hard for someone to realize that he or she is an expert at knowing where he or she is bad at in life. I just don't think many would be interested in discussing about it if it's going to be perceived as not beneficial. It takes sometimes a lot of discipline and a few risks to get somewhere in life. It's really hard to ignore that something negative might be unwisely done from missing a few details. This is much like playing a fun game against another opponent and trying to go for the win and just having to settle for a loss or feeling great about winning. It's pretty much black and white each time- you put in the amount of work you want to and hope for the best!

I guess it's awesome to have a lot of reminders set in place or to just know how one operates. There really is some luck involved with living a happy life. If it doesn't work out, then there's really not much one can do about it. It would be about having to just move on. I have been working on not letting myself get too angry over something silly now. It's just not worth it to work at embarrassing someone you are bitter about over something not important like issues with that old church I keep on bringing up.

One thing that has really helped me connect with good friends is to just be myself and not shy about expressing myself. I think it's good to be genuine especially if you represent a wonderful faith like a person who truly believes in Christ.

Letting Things Go

Man, this really sucks because as a Christian, I made an oath that isn't sinful. If it was sinful, then by default I could pray for forgiveness and repent of that thought and move on with the Lord's grace and mercy overflowing my life with the help of the Holy Spirit and God's gracious Word! It means that I'm obligated to carry it out and it's a burden I placed upon myself- it's like a debt that I have to pay off even though I don't want to now. Therefore, it's really important to be careful about swearing an oath. I'm not going to talk about my oath because it's going to scare the people at that old church I really hate these days. Hate the sins, not the people. It's more similar to like saying hate the game, not the players!

Yeah, we live in a fallen world so no church is perfect and that's the truth. I'm moving on from what happened in the past because it didn't matter. It wasn't serious with them acting crazy about stuff with me. I really don't care and know they were under a state of psychosis from being so angry about nothing important and wanting to take matters into their own hand. It was seriously overdoing it on their end, but it ended up with nothing really that bad happening to me even though they said it would. It was just them being really crazy after all and so I was just having trouble managing the past because I was mad they would behave so inappropriately. Oh well, it's something I have been continuing to work on for myself. From doing so, it's even helping me with my own personal relationships with others so after all, it is a positive even though the experience sucked and I swore an oath that isn't sinful and I'm bound to fulfill it under Christian principles.

Typical Life

I think one of my biggest desires to cope with is having a nice and attractive wife who is open to having a lot of physically intimate action. I guess just enough until either of us want to pass out from being too tired and then let it build back up in a few days. It would be like rinse and repeat and I believe that I would be very satisfied if I can find and marry her. I have a few obstacles to deal with to get there. First of all, I could use a much higher income and not show up to work whenever I don't want to. This is stuff guys like me can only dream of right now, but I see that there is a lot of hard work involved even when you aren't feeling it. It's like after getting through that hurdle and you are happy from what's been done then it was a good thing. This is much like passing a really hard video game and taking several weeks and then getting bored of it, but from being a shy kid I had nothing else to do so I committed to it and then I passed a super hard video game when I was around eight years old. I had to ask a few friends for tips of course, but hey, I did it!

Besides getting pretty decent at becoming a button smasher with great timing, I don't really feel quite so proud of it because I don't want to spend years trying to chase after people who make a living doing it- I will get dusted in the qualification rounds and there's lots of money being potentially lost and it's just not worth it to me anymore. I had this issue of always tensing up and then performing badly. I think to avoid the whole tensing up, a lot of preparation needs to go into it so that the nerves don't limit you. I guess one can say I was too lazy even though I knew all of this and just couldn't manage my time very well so I was feeling quite distracted and not very happy. In this mood, it's very hard to even continue working hard but from having trained to run a few marathons and still running today by alternating 5K or 10K distances, I have been learning to stick with things better and even improving my speed or health!  

Interesting Moments

Because of my will to write stupid and passive aggressive messages and then send them like a jerk to people I was mad at, it caused me some major headaches after wanting to still be friends with them! Those people turned crazy about stuff that don't matter to me and are silly in general; the reference is me because I say they are not serious. Those people don't care; they just don't want to talk about it anymore. It's because I think they'll feel bothered remembering how bad they were and not feeling that much justification over it. It also makes them feel like they worked so hard, but now going to lose their reputation with people who find out about it. I did this to my little sister back then and she turned so crazy with anger issues and would start shouting and threatening that she was going to call the police on me! I really didn't know what to do about it.

Writing messages and not making sense while you are angry and trying to stay nice about it and then sending it and before you send it, just stay quiet about it and just ask annoying questions while thinking it's good for a serious discussion, yes this will drive a person so crazy he or she will leave the facility you are at and never want to come back! The super crazy and bad thing for those people is that I now know it isn't serious. I had anger issues over trivial things dealing with people. I was like mad at a good friend hugging me with only one arm- it really doesn't matter! I was like mad to be just texted 'Ok' by a girl and to think she doesn't like me, but that's the way she is and she does like me.

These are all little things and they don't really count that much but they all add up in a person's life and it's good to let it go and learn something out of it based on what you want out of life. I want to be friendly with people, so I learned to just be straight-forward and honest with them because from talking like that, I'm humoring myself from how silly everything is so I don't feel mad anymore. It's life and living for what we desire and working really hard for it!

Things Not Being Serious

All these years, the worst things that have bugged me so much and made me think about it to the point of exhaustion and wanting to give up have been about being mad over silly things! I want to end this post right now and because I don't feel like writing but I guess I may start putting down something- this is how I run things around here.

Anyway, I'm much more relaxed from realizing that stupid things that want to drive you crazy are really nothing more than annoying things that you have to let go of and to focus on more healthier things. It's not good to revert back to a vice in place of it- ahem, porno but I've read that it really doesn't help anybody but entertain them down below there. If there's too much of it, it's like building tolerance to alcohol because the effect will be much less and guys who are addicted to it will start having trouble standing up from being all wobbly and having to walk while spreading their legs.

I'm kidding, it hasn't happened to me yet because I'm not addicted to porno. I have better things like hanging out with pretty girls to do then watch them doing something sinful. It's not the most fun idea for me of the night, so I guess when guys have that feeling of wanting to be awakened below there, they really have something that might turn into a handful. I think it's just choosing to not get carried away with it. It's harder at first and then just becomes easier and second nature. The fact that I'm still reverting once in awhile and carrying on like nothing ever happened after, I really need to just suck it up when it tries to hit me home. I haven't tried crying about it to myself but maybe it will work- whining all by myself and letting tears come down because it doesn't feel good sometimes to let that energy dry itself out.

Releasing Fear And Anger

One of the most debilitating combos for any individual is feeling really afraid of something and also angry at the same time. I had this happening to me when a stupid brat put a restraining order on me. He ended up letting me approach him while he was smiling at a bowling alley. Years pass by and I wanted to punch the heck out of that guy but I had to restrain myself. I wanted to smash into him while we were driving go-karts at a social event that he went along with an ex who was cool with me at the time. She felt touched when I said that I thought she looked good, and man, I didn't know she had those type of self-image issues. Anyways, I couldn't help it and wanted to release all of this tension by setting his porch on fire by leaving some dog poop so that he would have to clean it up with his hose. I didn't communicate right with his ex to get where he lives and she became really afraid of me and so that's my first girl who became super afraid of me. It would have been hard to pull it off, but with my motivation I would have with no witnesses!

I didn't know she was actually an attractive friend at the time, so oh well, it's my loss but she has mental learning issues so I was put off by that too. Next thing, crazy Lee who I want to call psycho-mom even though I know she isn't so let's not go any further. Crazy Lee was dumb obviously because she said she had nothing against me and acted nothing like it and went ballistic crazy with me over trivial issues that I don't really care about. I didn't stalk her but she put a restraining order on me, so she's more than crazy- she's a bad word to some people I won't mention on here to be decent but I think people know what I'm alluding to. I think Crazy Lee and what she is and writing about it is doing enough justice.

From these errors that people made with me and my failure as a citizen to set these crazy people straight, I was so scared and angry at them that I released my tension somehow by making the dude's ex really afraid of me and blowing up in proportion the image of a pastor. The pastor is like he hates me and wants everybody to not take him seriously. I think this is why that church has to be cool about me going there now to try to make up some grounds and so a lot of people there have been walking away from this silly fight I have put up. However, I'm impressed because there is a guy who stuck with it and the credit really belongs to me sort of because I put in the right intensity to get to him. Third time is a charm and it feels good to do a favor for him in letting go of the beef I have with him.

Studying To Gain Satisfaction

It looks like life is pretty crazy in that there are many things a person can struggle or be naturally good at to live. It's unfortunate some individuals have really short life-spans or never really had the chance to experience life in its excessiveness. What's great about Christian theology is that it's all about God who knows and understands all these things in the greatest details. Matthew 10:30 says that God can even count the number of hairs on our head. We all obviously can count for someone who is completely bald or even Homer Simpson's. It's phenomenal how the show Simpsons have been running so long and have invaded our possible selections for personal entertainment and this is what the creator intended. Laughter is great medicine, but I see how there needs to be a compromise with pleasing TV executives and giving enough of what people want even if it's not that good for them to make lots of money for the entertainment industry!

With being successful and it's easy to conclude that this is what a lot of people want to be happy, it requires some studying. There's a smart and habitual way of studying without needing to treat it like a destructive force! I am engaging in some studies myself from writing- the topic is all about me and how I'm trying to interact with my cool readers even if it is so small in numbers. I don't really care about the numbers- I want to write with high quality and persuasively and do it all for free because it's so much fun with what I'm doing here. I'm getting to my one-a-day average for goal achieving and have been doing it for almost ten years now. I have days where I don't feel like writing but it still comes out and when I read a few of those now, they can sometimes feel so genuine and I love that part about myself!

Using Time And Patience To Figure Things Out

It's interesting how I have decided upon a blog title to be actually a suggestion. The fact that I have a couple readers on here from wherever they came from makes it such an honor. I don't really know how good my writing and thoughts are, but it definitely could use a much bigger influence instead of just closing my thoughts to only myself and feeling great about it while writing everything down in my head! I have noticed that my suggestions can make people think I'm crazy and not even respond back to me.

It really seems like my writing style is something that I can put down to feel great about myself and then eventually have no responses from anybody else. It appears that I'm self-reliant and in a way, when people don't respond back with anything it's probably because it isn't something to concern oneself over. It's probably difficult to pick up on my intentions or even want to give it some serious thought unless I made someone mad over nothing really serious! If I mention this also, then that person is most likely going back to not saying anything again. 

I have heard from people only a couple ladies say that I'm extremely scary. I had one lady keep on replying back to me in a crazy and annoying fashion accusing me of being crazy while she was herself being that way over nothing serious. I think the key fact here is that nothing was serious and these ladies were talking about how I was scary to them. I believe this is going to make a lot of people who supported them, along with those ladies to not really say anything about it now once I point it out. 

What's pretty interesting to find out is that from reading user comments, some can get into heated arguments and then one can end up effectively chewing another person out and make that other user look bad. When this happens, the person who looks like he or she lost doesn't say anything back and ignores it. This is precisely what's going on for me and again, it's only from mentioning how the silliness that came out of our personal drama is that it wasn't really serious to look at. This makes them look bad for acting crazy over nothing serious, so they are not going to say anything about it and act like they are ignoring it with me. It really does serve to be distracting for them and is selfishly one-sided for trying to make them the laughing stock of the bunch of people I know about and have interaction with. 

Finding The Right Girl

I'm honestly now viewing with finding a girlfriend in that it's about being ready for it and to just let it happen. I actually had my chances, but I didn't go fishing for it because I felt weird about it from having silly issues to sort out. I have resolved a whole lot of things now. I would like to be married to a nice and sexy lady who wants to get physically intimate quite often. It would be awesome and a lot of guys feel the same way about it in the beginning. After awhile, maybe who knows it's not really a priority for having too much of it and just an annoying wife if she keeps on bugging for it! However, I think being in that position would be able to give any guy so much bliss, so might as well work very hard for it, no matter how long it takes!  

I'm looking to marry a sweet lady who possesses the personality of wanting to maintain herself, stay healthy by working out, about self-improvement while being successful at it, and would love to get physically intimate pretty regularly! I'm not really quite so wrapped up about a woman's appearance anymore as long as she has those internal characteristics I look for. I guess for me then it will be about getting to know all I can about her and then if we both want to next, treating dating like it's a courtship for me. It feels sad to be rejected, but there's really nothing one can do about it but to keep on learning and trying until one gets to a happy relationship.  

I think one of the first steps for me to realize a good lady for me is if she happens to show any form of interest in me. I believe it's a safe bet to start with and then just building upon it with more experience. Having a lot of money and being an elite athlete with muscles and killer abs while looking mighty handsome will make it harder for me to spot the genuine ladies though. Even so, this is my goal that I want to reach because I want to marry a successful woman also, so I will have something in common to relate to. For the single ladies out there, I'm sure plenty of them don't want to trust guys in pursuit of them and feel grossed out for being seen upon as a sexually pleasing object. I'm already friends with a girl like this and she admitted to having a soft spot for me. She isn't really the affectionate type much to my liking yet, but is usually chill about letting me join her with stuff she wants to do and often dictates what we should all do together!

Right To Bear Arms

Last night I read a sad story about how a former marine turned mentally unstable went on a killing spree at one of the safest cities in the world. I guess not one city is really safe, and there really is a little risk involved now if a person wants to have fun at a popular place. Despite these associated risks, I guess everyone still likes to think it's never going to happen to them. It's unfortunate but my question is if people have the right to bear arms, I wonder why they really don't go through the hassle these days of acquiring a gun and practicing it for self-defense with these bad guys. Maybe, because it takes too much time and it's expensive, so they would rather have gun control laws to keep others from having access and to try to even the playing field.

With these gun-control laws, it seems nice but what if the government decided to become oppressive against a people for some crazy reason and those people really had no way of defending themselves? It may just be that having the right to acquire a gun legally might have future implications of more innocent lives lost, but I see it is a God-given right to be able to protect homes and one's own life with an effective weapon against a perpetrator. It's probably that maybe some people want to be peaceful and not get into that mess and deal with conscientious thinking of ending someone's life because they have to.  It's probably from not wanting to deal with it and avoiding those tragic situations in the future that people would want preventive measures while not still going out of their way to practice with a gun for self-defense.

Overall, I believe people just want to feel comfortable with where they are living and willing to make tiny sacrifices for being happy. I think they want to focus more on their own lives rather than worrying about some crazy nut with experience shooting down people. I guess it's coming to feel an acceptance that it's never going to happen to them and how they will find a way to stay alive even without owning a gun. To give it a label, it feels like red-neck territory in the states to own a legal weapon while getting good at it and these red-necks are probably people the bad guys wouldn't want to take on as a whole. 

Making Good Out Of Life

The mind is such a terrible thing to waste and with so few people out there who reach the top and are so good, they really do deserve recognition so they could inspire or entertain others. It really doesn't matter with the whole impressing others thing, which is what I was so selfish about achieving in the beginning. I think this whole selfishness with wanting to have a good relationship with everyone is really rooted on me having an abnormal level of desiring positive recognition from people. I still haven't got it and being so mad about it, I have to work even harder to get there and keep on pushing while suffering from not getting the desired level of achievement. It would be cool if everyone in this world liked this blog even, so this is my motivation to try really hard whenever I feel this selfish drive to reach this goal.

The goal I have in mind is also really scary for a few people I have been mad at and intentionally blocking out my words while trying to make fun of them and laughing at them. It's really annoying to be on my end of this passive aggressive attack, no matter what a person did. I guess that's why it is about pursuing and I just haven't had the time nor resources to reach everybody who I felt was affected by me negatively and to get them to change their hearts and minds and add me back on Facebook or even better, be willing to hang out with me. It's pretty much a work-in-progress and I accept that I will be making fun of those people and trying to get others to not take them seriously, if they try to make my life hard while responding very angry with me. If a person raises his or her voice to say stop talking about something, then it's because he or she is mad and bothered about it. For my case, it hasn't been something so serious for them to act that way so I know they have been just crazy about it. I don't care that they are crazy because the situation isn't even that serious that I don't need to see them as one of my valuable and serious friends while still being at peace with them and even befriending them again. I just think that some people around them will be selfish while not being able to handle it and not want to hang out with them from realizing their faults later on, but I'm different in that I don't see it too serious for me to even worry about them and will still be friendly with them.

They don't really have to fear me then because I know how to stay cool about it now and will work hard to always stay on top and be smarter than them while I'm hanging out with them.

Using Fun To Recharge

Just being so glued in on something as a routine can feel so old at times and it might not even be fulfilling from not having reached a goal yet. Perhaps the goal might be further away than we thought as we are nearing the time we expected for it. My mom is currently trying to master playing the flute and has a hard time while making some very obvious mistakes with it still. For myself, I'm able to cover up my mistakes better on the piano when I'm playing solo, so a lot of people think I'm pretty good at it even though I know the truth. I believe that people who are even experts won't be able to tell either unless they know the score by heart and there aren't too many out there who will even say anything if they hear my mistakes.

I'm just digressing a little and I don't know how I ended up taking it that way, but it was interesting to observe I guess on the fly so I wrote it down. What I was trying to get at is that reaching a goal might feel so hard and unpleasant sometimes, but if it's something we truly want to do, it's something we have to stick with. I think my mom is inspired by me to keep practicing because she believes me when I said it's all about practice with getting better on an instrument, and I used to suck at the piano really bad. I have been recently discussing about how it's fun to play and even make mistakes while putting it together. Timing the notes is very important and it feels so right and good when executed. Another reason for my mom is because she wants to eventually play for a local orchestra.

I guess when times feel not so good and slow while trying to stick something out, it's important to relax by doing something that's fun for a person. I think from watching an exciting anime, it can get me all pumped up and inspired to work hard again because a lot of those series are really about the protagonist achieving something impossible while being naturally gifted or very special. What I would like to achieve is perfection in giving myself the right amount of fun to unwind and then getting right back into doing hard work again.  

Overcoming Stressful Thoughts

I have a hard time myself with this because just for some random reason if things are not going the direction I would like it to and I'm just by myself, I want to let out a swear word. It's really common for people to do this anywhere, including old men nearing their 70s like my dad. I'm not really satisfied by how I just give into it and makes me feel rotten in some sense. I believe this is the area of self-control and self-awareness with a lot of it centered around it.

It's funny because when we are around some people like adorable kids or maybe someone very important, we usually won't just start blabbering out bad words from not wanting to leave that type of impression, so it will probably hard press us to stay outwardly nice while the thinking can be so whack momentarily if we're upset underneath. I guess it's a matter of just regaining composure if anyone goes through it and going back into the grinder for whatever purpose the person has found.

Overall, I think it's about just remaining calm as possible while making yourself relaxed and sticking with it while putting a lot of effort to come up with a resolution that will make you happy and this involves considering everything. It can be even more stressful to think even more about something unpleasant, but this is what people who desire to be problem solvers do. Seriously, most of the things I go through isn't even something to take that seriously now and it just makes me feel a whole lot better and smarter to open up with someone or possibly a group of people who are trying to bother me about it. You know, there's also nothing wrong with leaving them behind and moving on to work on something desirable. 

Obtaining Success

I personally believe that success occurs from applying hard work and being consistent at it. It's very important to have a passion or discover it if one hasn't and then understand if he or she has enough of an ability to make a living out of it. It's really sad and also annoying to know someone who doesn't have much going for himself and all he does is just talk very angry in an unintelligent and annoying manner while laughing hysterically about something that a person can't really make out easily to understand. He's unfortunately a lost cause at that point and there's nothing I really want to do for him. I guess I could tell him to always be a nice person and an inspiration by working hard to make other people happy, if he still wants to make a lot of money and raise a family. I mean if he rejects it and he tries to ask me for stuff then I have to just tell him the truth that he comes across too angry to me even though he can hide it, and I don't want to work with him and just walk out on him. With this guy, to inspire him, it's really quite straight-forward. It's to live the example of being a successful person by working hard while cutting out all of that baloney sandwich with wasting time that won't pay the bills while he's around suffering and acting jealous about seeing his twin brother and me enjoying leisure.

I'm starting to become very real and it's about having enough practice to get things done. It's like learning to dance at a big social and inexpensive event with a bunch of new faces. It's really exciting to just meet people and say hi for like five seconds while greeting one another and smiling and then switch partners after practicing to perfect a dance sequence. I think it's really cool and everybody should be there because they want to have fun and think it's cool. I'm around taller ladies and I want to cry sometimes but I'm able to get over it and haven't had too much trouble because thankfully my arms are long enough to see her twirl. It's just putting in effort and performing it with confidence and staying relaxed. I have a smile on my face and it's really fun to hold hands with one another and not care. I think some of the ladies were really hot and one didn't want to let go of holding hands and that felt awkward for a moment.

Becoming Attractive While Being A Short Guy

First off, I'm only 5' 3" and one of my good characteristics I believe I carry is experiential learning meaning that I won't let myself stay stupid about something I'm into forever. Putting it together has been such a privilege for me and it's a practice I commonly follow for my job as the only software developer at my company. Being intelligent enough to remember details from visualizing events and recognizing patterns to be able to draw strong conclusions that benefit yourself is definitely a huge advantage for anyone!

First off, it's so important to never lose heart with any goal in mind especially if it's geared towards a person's happiness. If it seriously contradicts what the Bible intended meaning that it's really sinful when looked at, then I don't recommend going any further with it!

With those parameters in mind, I have come up with the short man's solution to becoming an attractive alpha male! One thing I've noticed about heterosexual couples is that attraction plays a huge role in wanting to commit to one another and then letting it get serious which leads to a happy marriage. A short man is at a huge disadvantage that it makes a short guy like me want to cry about it. Crying about it isn't going to change how God designed this world. Without attraction, it's possible for a girl to still like a man for his positive characteristics who is attracted to her and she's only going to want to be his friend most of the time. There's really nothing wrong about it and the man should just suck it up and enjoy a good relationship with this girl if she's a real sweetheart.

A short man capable of making friends with cute or hot ladies has won half the battle. I have some of those friends and it's like whatever to me to be honest. I'm still looking for my sexy mate by the way! I'm friends with a lady who is all about the flesh and being attracted to form this swinger-like mentality which I find is misleading, so I encourage her to form strong relationships and move on from her past that her mind can't let go of. Yeah, it's that intense for her and I know because I'm really close to her and she also likes me too by the way!

She told me that I'm hot and this translates into her being attracted to me and she's also taller than me. It feels like a paradox for a short man stuck in a world of girls who are attracted to taller men being the majority. It's really important to find a girl who isn't that shallow and stuck only on appearances. I would seriously "X" those girls out and look for a replacement with the billions of ladies out there, even though a typical short guy can probably only reach out to like one or two at a time. It's a lot of hard work and something a short guy shouldn't lose heart over. I know this from experience.

If the lady isn't that shallow, a short or ugly or bald or is all-of-the-above guy can get her attracted to him using other methods. For instance working out dramatically increases sex appeal and I don't care how many guys say that a woman only cares for the guy, it is such a lazy excuse! I say work out for the future bride the short guy intends on meeting. Confidence is really nice to have too even though it's pretty hard to find with short guys, and I think the typical short guy will just be lazy and talk about with his guy friends how he wants this and this and continue to sound the same way without getting any results.

Again, it's mainly hard work and never giving up and refining the self through research, experience, and advice from good people. Picking up on details without asking much and from being intuitive about it from having an open and happy mind is so good too. I believe the trifecta approach for an ideal short guy who is loved and attracting beautiful women out there is to have an elite-level athletic body, be crazy rich or just enough to seem that way by ladies, and have this awesome personality that shows intelligence, kindness, and enthusiasm to convince women that her kids will turn out fine and her life will stay wonderful and pleasurable thanks to my sexy dream! Meaning, I already know proven and natural techniques that short kids should practice to grow tall and become very attractive out of the blue. Through this getting lady attracted approach from a short guy, if she falls in love with him then it's better than gold and nothing is coming in between it for her.

Weirdness

It might be funny to talk about or just something that grosses people out in general. I'm not going to hold it in any longer. What's so great about this blog is how I can treat like how I'm exposing myself to everybody out there and maintain my true persona at the same time. It's really quite neat to have this format of being very open about my life, but at the same time trying to be decent as possible. It's not easy to even dream of writing like this for some people, so it would probably be even too hard to do but for some reason, it's been flowing naturally for me lately. I have even found that I feel more confident and intelligent with how I talk in my social outings.

Sticking closely to the truth and being about hard work has made it possible for me to be happy even though I haven't found my sexy mate yet. I know she's around, but I can't gauge how selfish I get to be when it comes to the thought of getting some intimate pleasure. I know that I want to be happy with being married to one lady at a time; to put it bluntly, there shouldn't be any divorce unless there's adultery or some physical abuse issues. I would like to marry a Christian, so that way I know we're on the same page with this whole commitment thing and it's about pleasing God. If the spouse gets widowed then yes, the Bible allows getting married again. I think I had one widow interested in my online Christian dating profile, but I never responded back!

Occasionally, I have been getting Christian ladies hitting me up from their online profile. I think they want happiness and are open to all of that physical intimacy in a good marriage. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable about it though because it feels like my parents influenced my upbringing and I'm not happy with it either. It's tough but one of my main incentives is that I want to enjoy a ton of intimate pleasure mutually with the lady I'm married too and very often for a pretty good duration without having to worry about the signal for any future pregnancies. Watching some fantasized videos that are about heavily induced pleasure from performers, I fantasize about wanting a lot of that action in marriage! I need someone compatible to share and mutually love this physical intimate pleasure. I think those performers are dirty for not being married, and I don't blame them because it seems like they feel guilty for getting that much pleasure. This view I have isn't sinful but what I have been watching totally is and I don't support the implied messages while laughing about its silliness and letting it feed my fantasy. I guess then yeah, a lot of people are into doing this as well. It's really hard because my heart is trying to close the gap by justifying a gray area dealing with abiding by the Lord's spirit. I'm sure I won't have any problems with this once I'm married to the right lady. In the meantime, I'm going to need to have more fun by making friends with more nice ladies until I'm able to be introduced to a good catch who is available and will be so happy to help fulfill this sexy dream!  

Resolving Same Thoughts

Honestly, I don't think it matters anymore with how some people were being crazy with me. They aren't someone to take seriously for me and it's just a matter of being consistent with hard work in the right areas of my life so that I wouldn't have to feel tempted about being jealous about them. I think it's through this hard work while maintaining this consistent effort that one can manage his or her own shortcomings and earn self-discipline. It's so important to be happy about being a hard worker, so I guess that means finding something that will be very fulfilling and lucrative if that's even so highly desirable.

I think I have the best job in the world, which is being a software developer and working all by myself- I am a one-man army at my company and use a really outdated programming language to update the system and create new features that are heavily relied upon by the company. It forces me to think simple and come up with clever solutions that are effective and also efficient. It reminds me of how a professor felt I had the best code to share with the class. It's a lot of hard work and putting in all this effort, and it was really passion that I was developing back then. I hated the amount of pressure I felt because all I wanted to do was live an easy life and be so happy and filled with excitement along with everybody on the same page with me. People are selfish and into doing their own thing and probably quite a lot even have anger issues to resolve and should get some counseling for, but some are more open to being nice and these folks are the ones I would like to be happy about finding and maintaining a relationship with.

I can let it go because crazy Lee and that stupid pastor are people I don't want to take seriously anymore. I don't want to take those people who are openly against me about not showing up to their church again seriously either. It's funny to get kicked out of a church while having been shy and trying to be confrontational about it. I was really passive aggressive about it so it drove them all nuts! I'm laughing about how selfish I was and how they still take me very seriously and are scared. I have gained so much personal confidence that I don't have to ever visit them again. However, I made a very stupid promise to God I regret now and it involves something with that church, so I can't let it go unless one of the leaders there openly tell me that they can't handle me as a person being there. None of the leaders have the courage to tell me and it's also a smart maneuver on my end because if they did say they can't handle me then their advice in the beginning would all fall apart. It also means that their confusion they placed upon themselves would already fall apart by me visiting again. The selfish mind wants to do what's best for him or herself and so I know it's to just ignore it and not deal with it and to do the quickest exit and not even look bad about it with people. It means that I now know I won and they are the losers to not take seriously no matter what they decide to do. Their worst is to go for a court order and I get to counter by embarrassing them with facts which will tick them off, so by me threatening to do this, they won't even go there. I get to lead my own path with these people once again and not feel bad about it and even have everybody else siding with me, except for them of course.

Balanced Life

It's like everyone is into doing their own thing with their crowd and then when there's something like drama going on, it just pretty much sucks and then can lead to people picking sides from hearing them out. It's hard to move on basically but it has to be done somehow. I think one of the worst deals is not opening up as a person from fear of being disliked. It's going to happen anyway so might as well live with it and be openly honest much as possible and nice about it. I guess when it all comes down to it, I'm a short guy anyway and not very rich yet to my liking so it's not truly going to help me out that much.

Something I've gained quite a bit though is finding confidence from developing a personal sense of humor. It's fun to want to quietly giggle very hard about anything from just placing emphasis on personal thoughts. I'm just going to have to deal with these weird feelings and thoughts that get me to lose track of time while having fun with something else and then sort of regretting it later. It's just hard work after all and finding something that I want to be successful at so I can find all the time in the world to attempt everything I want to do daily. I want to live a happy, healthy, and balanced life while having a thing for placing my faith on Jesus and growing in knowledge through worshipping God found through reading the Bible.