Broken Promise

Okay, I seriously have a problem. I feel really embarrassed to share this on my own blog but I want to just be honest with myself and fix myself while dealing with the truth in my own situation. I think I have a sex addiction problem, which is just related to me viewing pornography and masturbating to it. Okay, I know how this sounds so gross and insanely crude to talk about on this blog.

I managed to go ten days before breaking the cycle. I now see how difficult it really is to get out of an obsession or addiction. What I'm going to do is try again and never masturbate. Looks like, my average of going bust is about once every two weeks. While I was masturbating, I was trying to see how long I could go without ejaculating. It's like I wanted to go for a long time, and in time, I know I would be okay so why do I have to keep abusing myself like this? Hey, I know this is very inappropriate to talk about very bluntly in social circles, so I'm just putting it only on this blog because it's giving me a lot of shock in portraying what I'm writing.

I guess after all, I would like to just write about good things on this blog. I have a revelation, I think. I don't think masturbating really does turn you into a good lover, after all. I think the best form of sex is in a loving marriage where you really care about the person and can emotionally connect with. I know that I'm thinking a little feminine here, but I feel that the best sex can be experienced with your own spouse and that it's better trading in lust and tampered sexuality for eternity in heaven. I think I have a better understanding of my own sexuality now, along with its flaws and that I'll be working at living a celibate life until the day comes where I'll be joined in marriage with a beautiful woman. If I'm not supposed to be married, then I will accept it and still try to live a long and happy life. I'm going to try again and let myself persevere in this area because I know I can responsibly repent.