Finding Closure With Restraining Orders

It still gets me a little shaken up to recall those events in my head. I'm burning with motivated anger to just go out and stir something up out of nothing. That's how much I'm into it, now that those court orders have been called off of me. I actually did those things, and it helped in that the people who sided with those dumb people felt helpless about doing something and are forced to leave me alone about it.

I'm now laughing with jokes and being honest about my true feelings. I'm really undaunted, and I think the only thing that's keeping me from getting in some major trouble with the law is from having faith in Jesus and wanting to pursue that lifestyle. It's like the Lord has captured my heart and given me direction for living. I'm okay with that, but I still rebel like a kid and go off sinning. I'm back to trying to repent on a daily fashion.

Basically, it's the Jesus factor for me in what's causing me to live more fruitful and cunning in getting back at those dumb individuals. The more I write about it, the more comfortable I'm becoming with the situation and working with it for what it is. It's a talent of mine that I'm making well use of these days. Also the secondary factor is that I have a level 0 depression, which has been consistent throughout my days. It's giving me the energy to stick out the tough times of wanting to be a lazy and old fart even though I still act like a kid.

I see opportunities to try to go form a relationship with some cute woman that I would be massively fine with, but I'm busy at the moment. A rejection is always possible, I'm no adorable and unique boy from anime that every girl will eventually fall in love with, or umm, it would take an eternity for me to make that happen. Because I'm not getting depressed about anything, I just plain don't care. I do want to cry though sometimes, like a tragic incident or losing my grandparents which happened. It's crazy how death in the family is a strange and funny thing.

Finding Closure With A Video Game

I've finally done what I felt was going to be impossible. For a game that has been consuming my personal life about a third of the time, I found full satisfaction in having my fill with it. The game is very competitive in a sense and incredibly fun, along with the complicated strategies and thinking cells that are required to defeat very formidable rivals.

To succeed at it, I've found that it requires research and constant tweaking by running mock trial runs. It also needs quite a bit of brilliance to sort out the good and the bad. I managed to do this and now I can fully claim that I've created an awesome tactic that will win epic battles. Therefore, I'm a quiet champion in my mind because I don't really have interest to go pro with this gig. It's just a competitive thing that's always been rooted in my natural preferences. I really have better things in my mind to go after these days.

How I Need To Be Careful

I am a very competitive person by nature and don't really know how to find closure with the little things. For example, video games is like where I'm at my worst since I was a teenager and bought that one video game. It was very fun, addictive, and made me waste so much time!

There's really absolutely no meaning to it because it amounts to me working hard all for nothing, which is silly! It's because I can't find that level of satisfaction with it. It's where I have been focusing all this time, and the end result is that I have been regretting with putting my time on it.

I guess that's how I can be crazy and affect my relationships with others. I need to be careful about it. I'm counting my life on Jesus and that's about all that really has been shining forth in my life with some actual meaning and direction for me.

So basically, I'm going to just reason myself to not go that direction now and just move forward with my life onto other things that I can work on for obtaining success. By putting my focus on things that will have an unending loop, I am letting myself suffer because I'm not getting paid for those things. Also, I don't feel comfortable about making those things my full-time job, so what am I really doing?

I actually like how going for IT will be good for me. I'm going for a Master's in it right now. I'm also trying to work out for a six pack and become a millionaire too! I'm trying to manage my time better so I can do like a million things at once for a millionaire-minded person.

It Would Be A Blessing

If I never saw the ugly face of that dumb thing (female person) who put a restraining order on me for making 100 people or less leave her church, then I will be happy to not see her at that church she got me in trouble for! I'm trying to encourage her to do that so I can have the final laugh and enjoy myself. Actually, her crowd that supported her were my flimsy friends and they left, so that's a blessing to me already. Just the final piece is missing and it's her!

She's pretty crazy up there in the head and not knowing what's she's talking about. She said she had nothing against me and then did that, so yeah right, actually more like a self-righteous mmmm... If she's still there, I'm going to bother her enough that she puts a legitimate restraining order on me that I can be proud of and laugh about. She might even be too stupid to realize that and not even do it from feeling all bad about herself! My point of attack is to tell her that I want her as a Facebook friend so I can embarrass her among our peers and laugh about it. A girl who put restraining order added me back as a Facebook friend? Oh yeah, it feels good while she looks stupid already with the way I'm describing the whole situation.

What I Think

I think that dumb thing (female person) who put a restraining order on me might have a hidden crush on me, despite all my revealing messages of trying to harass her after it went away. I don't approve of her liking me. I want her to be mad, so I can have fun feeling like she's suffering. She could be, from being so annoyed by it, so you never know.

My messages are so dog gone funny. I have to admit that I was guffawing at my messages from unlocking more treasures after re-reading them. She's gone into quiet mode and isn't even exiting from her stance in the world. It looks like I have forced her to compromise and turn her back on a closing door and just abandon it completely without making any changes. I think she's afraid that I'll do something crazy to the pastor and sort of knows I'm not taking it that seriously. In a way, she could be blaming herself for being a catalyst that was unintended. I've totally worked my way into a piece of her world and dominated that corner. I don't feel bad or sad about it either. I'm a 0 out of 10 for my depression level, and I'm also only 5'3". Not bad, for a short guy huh?

I think happiness is sort of rooted in hard work and feeling rewarded by it. The motivation is what makes the person later look like a genius!

My Problems With Few People

When I was a young lad at around ten years old, I made a friend angry and then he was like he's no longer friends with me. It hurt me a lot. I guess after that, I stopped voicing my opinions and keeping to myself. I wasn't really paying attention for the most part to how I was interacting with them. I was just being quiet. I felt like I didn't have a place in the world for socializing.

Well, all of that has changed! I honestly don't care if my buddy was angry back then or he still is about it now. I guess I made things worse from wanting to fit in with someone who was mad at me and just flipping the handle. 

I have to really think about it now. Talking to that person I have an issue with is something I should only do if I have an actual and practical reason. If I do go after that person, it needs to be full throttle for myself now. Some people have let me go, but I sort of hardly know them anyway. I was mad and ended up bothering them with a message, like that one girl I hung out with. I don't know if that was a date even, but okay it was, I don't think she'll even care if I say so behind her back. She was too young for me, and I had that prejudice. She's crazy, man!

Okay that was fun to write. A few more individuals are not so worthwhile for me to chase after now. If I do go after them, then I have to think about it very considerably. The only two individuals I really have in mind with chasing after if they are still there at that church is the pastor and the female who attends there and put a restraining order on me. I'm taking it very personal and want to bother them so much, that I don't even care if they go for a repeat in getting the court injunction. I'll just make it seem that doesn't even do enough justice for how much I annoyed them.

I'm practically mad because they blamed me for something stupid. They said I made a 100 people or less leave their church. They suck at managing a church, I guess, if a short 5' 3" male like myself was able to do that. They even had problems with me sending them messages that made completely no sense. Boy that lady had to be into me or something because I let her down very badly, if she dragged her car over to court for that procedure. I don't think she can do anything about it with me talking about it and making fun of her for my own amusement now. The whole restraining order is off and she couldn't extend it. I'm FREEE! 

I want to carry on a relationship with those two so I could just mock them and make them miserable from making fun of them. If they didn't say to leave their small church that believes in some gibberish hocus pocus stuff, not in accordance with fully respecting the Bible as it is written. Yeah about that, some people believe that a Bible verse can be translated with some secret messages that are only intended for them. If the Bible is written for everyone's eyes and the person believes upon the verses and then they say how someone else is believing it is all wrong because the meaning isn't how the author made it seem like, okay, that's all confusing to begin with! It's just plain weird. I don't care what those people think. I'm here to just read the Bible and comprehend it from a cultural and historical standpoint and getting a background from reading other clear verses. Jesus is the way, truth, and life. He is the king of heaven who will come back to Earth one day, and yes I do believe it! It's not like a fairy tale ending to me because it's just faith of accepting from what I have been reading the Bible. 

I'm just going to be brutally honest and through that mechanism, I'm going to be making fun of those people. I'll be laughing so hard and not feeling bad about it because I told the truth and they just don't want to hear about it through my point of view. 

Where My Sin Is Rooted In

I believe that my sin is coming from wanting to always conquer an area from being competitive and obsessed about it. It's like a point of my pride and can lead to my own destruction, basically failure from living a balanced life. It's hard to stay satisfied for me because I lose the grip of feeling like I'm on top very easily. The area I'm having trouble with is very dirty and addictive. Even though I'm not alone, I'm only speaking for myself and holding myself accountable because I'm willing and ready to face it and let it go. I conquered whatever the mission was today, even though I fell short. I feel sorry for what I did to the Lord and will try to let it go now.

Basically, In Summary

From the last post, if I have a problem with someone, I have to really think about it because I'm literally going to be putting them in a bad mood. I do it unintentionally, so I'm just going to bring it this time around and be honest and try to have some fun giving them a hard time. 

I'm just doing this because he or she made me mad. If the person didn't do something, then I wouldn't be bugging the person in the first place. For the person to be like I'm crazy, it's just that they have a bad judgement of character because they just want to be left alone. Why did they have to do something that I caught wind of anyway and for them to brush off so lightly? That's what they get for that now. 

My Personal Thing From Being Bothered With Someone

I'm going to just say the truth this time around. If they tell me they are bothered, I'm going to say I'm sorry that they are and that I don't really care and that I'm going to fully bother them to the best of my ability. I'll be saying that I'm going to do that while laughing at them from being bothered and having a hard time, until they can't handle it and need to put a restraining order on me! I'm going to say that I'll still be laughing and making fun of them in front of the court and make it easy for the judge to sentence me. After they get it from suing me in court for harassing them from making fun of them intensely and stalking them from being mad at them, I'm going to leave them alone. I'm going to follow the law and not go the jail and let it go then.

It's a very dirty thought, but hey, if it's going to happen then it's going to. Also, I really have some experience with people putting it on me anyway. I'm only 5'3". I'm using that to sell the point with how I'm actually a little too short to be called a scary psycho, but okay I'll use it to bother them more with whatever silliness has taken over their heads. Basically, I'm just going to be honest and in the mood for laughing at them intently. That's how I intend to bug those individuals and then when they go rat on me to the police and I get nailed with a restraining order, I'm going to leave them alone!

I wouldn't be bothering the person in the first place, if he or she hadn't made me mad. I did something, but it wasn't directed at them and for them to have done something to make it feel that it was something personal, that really gets me mad and thinking about how they are a bunch of idiots. I want the person to pretty much undo what he or she did and to the point, I'll make the person go squeal and tattle-tell on someone. I think it's funny that grown-ups still want to act this way. Honestly, I don't back down when someone wants to bother me by just talking to me. Even if they want to yell, that is what gets my blood boiling so much and will make me do crazy things that aren't that big deal related but the passionate expressions come out and make it seem like in the long run, it's really nothing to be worried about.

Wasting So Much Precious Time

I am realizing that I could be using my time for something so much better besides watching T.V. I'm done with that man. It's time for me to make some sacrifices so I can go on to reach some greatness.

Letting Everything Go

Okay, I'm pretty much done with playing Magic: The Gathering now. I'm going to have to go work out, read the Bible, trade, do my homework, and that's about it.

I have been letting my mind wander all over the place. I'm still a kid who is losing track of my time. I need to snap out of it now.

Wow, I Caught Up for the Year

This has been quite a riot for me in writing all these posts. Yeah, it definitely looks like I got very much ahead of myself while writing them. It happens! Ever see Forrest Gump and how when he was running, some guy asked for a motto? Well, okay, it's a pretty common saying anyway.

I'm going to make a personal pledge now. I'm going to prioritize my list of activities now. Blogging for me is going to be the last one to do for awhile now. I wrote a lot so it makes sense anyway right?

While thinking about how I can prioritize, it seems like the best option I have going for me is to just continue to get ahead of myself. I'm actually reading the Bible and praying daily, so I can be proud of that now.

I am thinking about how blogging about the Bible is something I'm going to put aside and do when I have some time. I'm going to write on here, when I don't have anything better to work on. I think I'll let this site become something like my reward. I still don't plan on surpassing the 365-366 mark each year. I guess that's how I'm going to try to make this site unique in a way.

Embarrassing Things

If I have the confidence to not really care and to still hold my ground from communicating my problems, then I don't see what the problem is in holding myself back now. I think it's actually healthy to let out all those raw emotions before the person who is causing them with you. I come across as a calm and assertive person because I'm holding back from like trying to cuss them out. You know what I mean? No, you wouldn't. I don't believe in cussing, but I'm talking about shouting and yelling and hurting the other person's feelings by doing that. I was holding all of those feelings back, and now I just don't feel bad about doing it if they are the ones to do it to me first.

Yeah, I'm really annoying but something you can't really judge by feeling that way when I'm very deliberate with my methods of bothering people. Maybe, I should really be intentional this time with everything of not really caring about people's thoughts or feelings over the matter that's bugging me. The only thing that's keeping me from going on something like a bloody rampage is from being a Christian. That's all I can say really. Other than that, shouting and screaming at them is all fun and games to me while I'm angry now. I'm not afraid to get at someone's face and let myself burn with the anger from being indignant now and also to do it constantly at them.

Holding Nothing Back

It takes a good long while to understand things sometimes. There's only one thing I'm holding back. I'm going to keep it to myself on this blog and only reveal it to God! Only one fact that no one has to read about on this blog. Other than that, I'm pretty comfortable with talking about anything else.

An art teacher once had concern for that I was a racist. I ended up getting a B in her class. Okay, on to the next uncomfortable flashback, one time I wrote that I was going to stomp on everybody and rape the teacher. I got in trouble with the vice principle. I told him that I was hearing voices in my head, and I really was.

Okay, onto the next one. I heard voices in my head and was diagnosed with bipolar. It all went away after taking some miracle pills that I believe was sent to me from heaven. I think it was seriously a blessing that God let me have. People who are bothered by me are going to say that I need help and need to take some pills and all that. I understand what they are saying, just that I'm not going to take those pills again. I'm not wasting my money because my depression level is a 0 out of 10. Maybe I'm in a constant happy mania mode, but other than that, I don't see why I want to take pills to feel more sad.

It's all psychological man, and that's what it was. I was an immature kid back then and still am today, except I don't have bipolar. That is all! My mom says not to talk about these things. I don't really care. I'll live it out in person and in speech with not facing the symptoms today. I'm a really numbed out psycho freak now because I don't care to break the law or anything and still bother a few people.

Jesus is awesome and is coming back to restore his kingdom someday! I truly believe it with all my heart and want to confess that I'm a sinner even though I'm a Christian. I'm going to try to repent, once again and keep on trying.

I think the things I'm writing about is more worse than the way I want to hold back. It's just out of personal preference. It's only one fact that I don't want to reveal again. I did write about it once, but it's my main stumbling block that I'm trying to get out of my system.

For the Rest of My Life

For the rest of my life, it's about putting my focus on Jesus first and foremost. People around me are like supporting units, but they are going to let me down occasionally. I don't really have high hopes in them to perform well enough to keep me always happy. It's a risk worth taking though to get somewhere in life, like running a successful business.

It's being about taking the time to be considerate and not so dodgy with people. What I think is going to work for me in being successful with my career and going on a profitable run is getting a master's degree. The two-year older woman who put a restraining order on me once replied back in text, "Thank you!" More like, "Thank you for not hurting me". Just kidding. She graduated with a Master's in psychology, so that's why I think she's an idiot even more for what she did, but okay. I don't care about this, but she yelled at me and said that I was struggling with my love life and that she loved me. This was all before she went on her drive to kick me out of her life, which didn't work out for her too well. Talking about how I didn't get in trouble with the restraining order and how I went back and repeating those comments gets people to not want to talk about it with others. Their reactions are pretty funny, annoying, and met with initial hostility, but I seem to discourage a future action of them going this path with a former friend.

Going With It

There's a Korean word that's hard to spell in English. Anyway, that word means uncomfortable and it's what I was thinking of. A lot of the tasks that I'm trying to accomplish feel uncomfortable. My dumb best friend says "It's so hard!" I really think it's annoying to hear those words. Whenever I hear those words from him, I'm going to tell him that I'm taking a few weeks off.

I caused a guy older than me by a five years to lose his leadership position at a job. It was a major blow to him. It came from bothering him and him trying to ask for some advice from others. He was also very angry with me and tried to get me in huge leaps of trouble, but didn't work out for him. I bothered him from being mad about him asking me the question, "Are you okay?" more than once. It really got to me and annoyed the heck out of me, after I said a simple yes. My face turned very irritated underneath the skin, which no one would really notice. I guess it happens, considering that he isn't very smart and I happen to be a little more hard working and smarter than he is at the moment.

I guess I'm a total jerk when I'm not aware of it and don't want to be. When I do want to be that way, people seem to feel stuck with me and try to brush it off. I have usually got decent results from trying to be a jerk with a few individuals. I'm not afraid of being that way, when I can't take it anymore now. From not knowing what's bothering me, that's where I can be at my worst in conduct and bringing out the worst in people. I guess that's why those bothered people have asked me to get help. I actually know what's bothered me and not afraid or feeling shy about it now.

Life Plans

My life doesn't suck from having an all time low of 0 out of 10 with feelings of depression. I'm going to abandon my selfish life and give it all for Jesus now.

This means that I'm going to let go of watching favorite T.V. shows and playing video games, except for making for them- that's different! I'm basically going to give myself a hard time and live with it.

Those feelings of being ignorant and anxious and under so much stress to get something done without liking it at the moment is only temporary for me. It goes away each day for me, no matter what I end up doing. I might as well just let myself be consistent now and just deal with those feelings in an intelligent matter.

With dating wise, I'm going to wait until I get a six pack and become a millionaire. I'm going to go for sticking to Christian dating sites this time around. Like I've been saying always, I'm only 5'3". With all the confidence I need and to not be bothered, yeah it's being wealthy and physically fit. I couldn't care about what people thought about my appearance then.

It's a little uncomfortable to work hard at some things consistently for me. I need a steady and firm foundation with the Lord's guidance. I'm ready to trust in Jesus with everything he has to offer me. I know what my addiction is and how it's hurting my desired outcomes. I just need to make that extra push from finding a stroke of genius. Maybe, the Bible has something to give.

Relationships

Sometimes, a relationship with someone is just meant to not work out. In human nature, it's natural for a person to want to get something selfish or desire out of someone. It's annoying sometimes and that's for sure, but it's one of those things that sometimes, the better thing is to maintain self-control.

My stumbling block is coming from the 4% crowd. I'm lucky enough to not be hooked by them all the time because an hour or two might feel like a lifetime to me and then things would just get boring and depressing. It's pretty much reset mode for me again. Let's see if I can last longer than a year without stumbling again with the same addictive concept.

About people, when a fallout occurs, I can actually turn the table to support myself again if I can find that window of opportunity to bother them about it. I'm going to be applying some thought about a person before I go after him or her. In more rash terms, I'm just going to think about my sentiment towards them and what I want out of it before willingly approaching them. I know that I can be annoying without wanting to be. It's something I accept as a part of me and doesn't daunt me anymore to express my crazy words that come out of my shouting mouth!

For example, I want that girl who put a restraining order on me to add me as a friend on Facebook. It will be like the ultimate insult for her and such an embarrassing thing too. She doesn't have it on me anymore, and I let her have the maximum amount of years too from not caring. I even had the whole lawyer thing because my dad was concerned for me. Nothing came out of my pocket, so she tried to extend it and failed to go through. I know because the dumb pastor told me and gave me the envelope and then the police came over and confirmed it too. So yeah, that's why she's an idiot. It would be so funny to me and something for me to show off about with people who are bothered by me at the moment.

I can accept her not being around and avoiding me and all her contacts and trying to move on with her life. It's something I think will cripple her mental thoughts in a way for the rest of her life. I'm not really intimidated and all is forgiven no matter what happens in the end because the forgiveness part comes from believing in Christ. It can't be broken no matter how much I doubt it; I can't run away from it, and it's who I am now, a sinning Christian who also tries to keep on repenting to please God.

Amazing How It Passes

I normally have this worn out feeling of being worried and lost in direction. When that happens, I usually just play video games and watch some TV to let it wear off. What ended up happening is that those anxieties just came out of my system regardless of what I did. It is pretty amazing to know that, so I'm going to not really worry about it with myself now and just do what I want to do, which is becoming a self-made millionaire with a six pack!

The pain will just pick itself up and go away, while you let yourself get engaged with something. My buddy complains about being unhappy from feeling left out sometimes, and I feel it too. It's just that those feelings don't really make any sense to begin with and to try to rationalize which he does, it ends up sounding very dumb. These are the annoyances that my best friend puts me under, and he's probably never going to end up marrying any woman. I do not place deep confidence in him to get there and accept him for who he is.

Overall, it's pretty much the controlled anger that I'm living with while trying to be a professional. Living with this keen focus and utmost regard for living among others, I have developed confidence that feels awesome and a depression level that stays constantly at a 0 out of 10! When I look at a girl, I immediately notice her appearance and figure that she isn't that pretty. I feel that for every girl and sometimes, I'll get thrown off and think she's very pretty. I don't value appearances so much anymore and more about her personality.

I've been dating some girls who do a lot of cursing and say that they are believers of God. I really think those girls are annoying! It's the hand that I was dealt with. One of them was physically unattractive and the other was sort of there to pique my curiosities about the feminine physique. I just want a decent lady whose around my age to have a core relationship with that could be very exciting, but mostly settling down with. I don't really care about her being tall or shorter now because I figure that being short is most likely her emotional connection to wanting to feel smaller. It has nothing to do with me just being short. It's really just her feeling that way. It's an insecurity that can be contested from the man being an awesome guy, regardless of being a midget! 4% of the females will largely care about just looks alone, so I can't do anything about that. She's a female version of Shallow Hal then. I'll pass on having a relationship with those girls.

Analyzing Feelings

Sometimes the stress and worries of being neglected and having no sense of worth based on how people act can really get to the guys! These feelings are temporary man, and people are going to occasionally let you down anyways. This is only from being a believer in the Bible, otherwise, I'd probably be a really huge jerk and criminal. I believe in trying to be nice because of my experiences of coming to know Christ and accept him as my Lord and Savior. It was an emotional event and then at other times, it just became something that didn't make sense but overall, I want to identify with the Jesus I know from reading and hearing about the Bible.

I have developed my faith as a Christian. It becomes known to me now that my feelings are not always going to be up to par for wanting to live that way. I just have this hope and trust that those matters will come to pass. They actually come and go all the time, but because of my belief that the Holy Spirit is working in my life, I can be a little better with maintaining self-control. Still, I'm dealing with the idiots of my past by trying to let it go and the anger that drives me to bother the heck out of them with no regards for them, except obeying the law if they get a restraining order on me!

At least my desires are simple with those idiots, I just need one of them to man up and let me bother them on a social media site. I don't need any more than one now, and I can manage the work load and stress of having to become really hard on them and lambasting them away like I'm a crazy, motivational speaker!

Attracting a Woman

Hahaha, you came to the wrong place to find that out. I'm just kidding. On the contrary to my best friend who is pretty dumb in this area about women, he's always talking about how the girls smile at him when he talks and laughs and then he interprets that to be a sign of romance.

Man, that's stupid! It's just a common thing to interact and have girls laugh at you from left to right. It might make her more comfortable and give you room to have a relationship, but that's not even getting to first base either. You have to ask her out, and my buddy can't even do that to any girl he likes. He has a stupid way of thinking that can't make him let go of his ideal qualities of a woman that are like way out of the universe.

He also believes that women want materialistic things. This turns out to not really be that true for the majority of women. Maybe the women he's thinking about are crazy and had a lasting impact on him, but he's just dumb in this area and refusing to see that for himself. The woman is mainly interested in happy times with her man, which is pretty easy to figure out, but how?

From the get-go, it's about meeting the right person and just naturally connecting. Okay, it's going to take some effort to forgive incidents and then move on because no one is perfect. In a nutshell, it's about providing the woman with her needs of being loved and given affection. If the husband can turn on his wife that way, then that's even better and what I'm seriously hoping for! Good times await.

Isn't this so silly, but probably wouldn't be for a woman but to the guys, yeah it is. The woman just needs to feel like she's heard sometimes. She's feeling shy and stressed out or stupid or etc. She is letting them out to the husband she has entrusted with her whole life. The husband is like "Oh, okay. Let's solve it." Yeah, don't say that. She needs to be ready before she can accept help, but should be easy to get to with the man she loves and has married.

Improving With My Life

I think I can maximize more productivity by working hard even during my down time. Duh! That's a no-brainer. I'm also growing bald in my super old age of 31 (!!!), so I'm doing this hair treatment program. I'm practically still a kid from enjoying so much play time and video games. I annoy people with my comments too like I'm a kid. They end up getting so mad that they need to get away from me and a few of them got a restraining order on me, too! So yeah, don't mess with me unless you want to get bothered. I'll still bother you anyway, no I'm just kidding, but maybe not at the same time. I might do it unintentionally.

I don't care about the whole restraining orders now. They passed and I talked to those stupid things (individuals) and they couldn't do anything about it. What a bunch of retarded minds who can't let go of their silly feelings from being just so annoyed! They can't act right because they flip the handle like that. I made them look bad, obviously and I feel no shame about doing that in the future with others now.

On top of that, I'm only 5'3" man. Man, that's too short to call me a scary psycho, but okay, I'll live with it by not caring and using that emotion to bother the people who are bothered by me even more! I have a reason for bothering people, so it's like even though I was trying to be nice about it, it just came out of me.

I realize that only 4% of women out there care about what men think! Go figure, those women are cool or crazy or just a bunch of whatever people. It's from this survey that women care about men being physically attractive, and it's only 4%! Wow, compared to probably like 96% of the guys in the world who think that way about women. So with me being only 5'3", I'm going to get my heart broken with the 4% crowd just out of that then. Okay, and then with the rest of the female crowd, my height must be like ehh?!

Even Lower Time For Playing Around

With my me time, I'm pretty much letting it be this blog and reading the Bible because my whole existence is practically tied to my faith in Jesus.

Other than that, I'm trying to be fully comprehensive with everything that I'm doing. I guess this blog is a great way for me to just chill and relax, away from all the other distractions and just write away! Hey, I'm almost caught up for the whole year already. Going for 100 posts in one month is just too insane man, but I was cheating by writing only a few words for some posts. I'll take what I get, I'm not deleting them and starting over man!

Signs of Life

I am now minimizing the use of the Internet and TV and carrying on my own personal burdens of getting some unpleasant flashbacks! It ends up making me want to curse a lot! It's only momentary though and seems to pop up for a moment whenever I'm stressing out from doing hard work. I'm getting better at staying relaxed and concentrated, more than I've ever been.

These are basically my main goals that I'm setting myself to do. I don't really care how limited it feels now or I get made fun of because of it. Aside from being a total jerk to certain people now, I'm going to let my fun be somewhat related to socializing. From not really having much close friends, I might as well just utilize meetup.com. I guess I just like being around people for a common interest, so while I live my busy life with studying and being productive with myself, this is all long term so I might as well do the best I can to maximize a positive experience for myself.

I still feel worn out every so often, but in the end, it's just great to feel like I'm getting on the bandwagon. Perhaps from the hard work I put into it, it can only become more simple and exciting as a result from receiving positive results.

Leviticus 13:15-23

Leviticus 13:15 says that if raw flesh develops on the skin after leprosy breaks out all over the skin, then the priest declares the person to be unclean.

The site I got this photo from says that leprosy is curable now, which is good. I read somewhere that is more rare to find in developed countries.

Verse 16-17 says that if the raw flesh changes into white, then the person goes to the priest and upon confirmation, the person is declared clean. Verses 18-19 describe that during leprosy the body can develop a boil with a white swelling or bright spot, reddish white. If this occurs then the person is to go see a priest. Verse 20 states if it is deeper than the skin, while the hair has turned white, then the person is unclean. It becomes known as a leprous sore that has broken out of its boil.

Verse 21 states if the priest finds no white hairs and the skin is not deeper than the skin and has faded then he isolates the person for seven days. Verse 22 If the boil spreads all over the skin during that time then the priest declares the person to be unclean. However, if it does not spread then verse 23 states it becomes a scar of the boil and the priest declares the person to be clean.

I don't know how long it took Moses to figure all this out, or if it was already well documented somewhere in ancient history. This type of knowledge seems dependent on the breakout of the infection from bacteria; some being more or less severe than others. With how the verses relate to if the person becomes unclean or not, it appears that these verses come from the inspiration of God. It doesn't really seem all that random here, like some later cultures that had witch doctors that performed rituals to try to cure you.

Relevant Things

Fortunately, I have enough going for me that I can't really afford to spend my time with playing video games and watch TV. I actually have more better and grown-up things to do than that now. The only thing I really need to fix now is my Internet surfing activity. If I can limit that to only the essentials, then I think I'll be doing good.

To sum it all up for myself, I'm going to just keep myself busy.

Back To Work Mode

It looks like I just need little reminders throughout the day to help me keep on track and focused. It's not helping so much because my soul and brain are so interconnected with feeding on my addictions. Therefore, I would be a horrible drug addict if I ever got into it, and it isn't worth it to me. I don't care what names or thoughts of being a coward or uncool people want to call me; I know my limits, and it won't be good for me.

I'm actually alienated even though some people approach me on a daily basis to greet me. I get a lot of alone time, so being made fun of for something doesn't even matter to me! It's really about the stuff that is going through my head. People can generally have opinions, and if you don't like them, you can just bother them and call them dumb because of that. You would be the one laughing the whole time anyway, so ultimately, I think that's why people are sort of afraid to voice their opinions with me. It's also not very serious most of the time, even the situations that seem blown out of proportion. I've been learning quite a bit, and it's a cross I enjoy taking up for carrying my own burden.

Improving Myself

I think one of the key improvements I have come along with is speed reading! It's such a useful tool and I enjoy it very much. I have also deleted the icons that serve as my distractions. I can't really afford them at the moment now. It's giving me a little more breathing room to think clearer and communicate better with people.

Anything But

It's pretty much anything but anything related to TV and games all by myself. I guess when I'm in person with someone then that's fine, but other than that, I'm going to conduct myself that way.

I might be just laying down and relaxing while letting the confusion where off, before I go back to doing hard work. I'm going to see if I can let myself continue to be productive even though I'm worn out. I do want to be an athletic millionaire, so I'm going to have to start putting in the hard work to become one!

Not Much To Boast About

Let's just say with this blog, I've had at least twice as much views than the maximum number of Facebook friends you can have. If you take away my views, then it's close to the maximum number of Facebook friends you can have. I think that's going to change over the next ten years, obviously. It's just a small fad some people have. I've been in the top five over my cited occupation, Computer Science in Blogspot. That's not bad to say the truth, sometimes I drop to like 50. There's only like 200 people who cite CS is their occupation on blogspot, so I'm leading the way man!

Parting With A Coincidental Tradition

It never really came across my mind that my maximum was 66. How about adding one more 6? No, let's not do that because it won't be 365-366, my goal of averaging just one post a day! I put a limit to it like that because I just want to. Those dumb people at that church don't know how much of an obsessive and super annoying person I can be.

They played the wrong cards and got my attention, wow not them. Only the pastor. Those people are dumb, but I can only focus all my energy on one person. I pick to torture the pastor at that church! I don't really care what he thinks or feels. I don't care what his issues are. I'll even help him through with my crazy, motivational speaker style! Literally, I'm going to be like a motivational speaker who is going on super angry mode, like Donkey Kong throwing down barrels at Mario! He won't even have the time to feel annoyed with me from me being so annoying to him. That's how much intensity I plan for bringing it! I can only focus on one person with all my utmost energy; this is all just for fun too, so I don't care if he's getting a restraining order on me. In fact, I'll just laugh it off in court and make fun of him some more in front of the judge. I'll even tell him, my plans of doing to him. Yeah, he's definitely not going to have time to feel angry or annoyed with me or think of me as a jerk. I'm sort of a genius in this area, unfortunately, but I need to work on my life and get up to speed. I don't want to break a personal promise I made, so I'll try to get going.

Even with all forces against me, with the feeling, I'm going to try to do the wisest thing and humble myself while chasing after my wildest dreams.

Never Gone Above This Limit

This is post number 66. I've never made it past this number from the last five years of trying to average 1 post per day. I'm a procrastinator obviously, but I'm getting it done with silly results. Some readers end up reading this funny and smart site. I think they get taken back by my thoughts and don't really barge in because I'm sort of like that in the first place. When I set my mind to something, I'm just naturally all over it with even the silliest detail of how I look coming to my mind. I'm thinking about how I look right now!

Like Running An Eternal Marathon

My mind just ends up feeling groggy and entering into unfamiliar territory. It's something that I'm used to or comfortable with. It's like I want to panic from not being well-prepared. I've never been psyched up enough to take on some challenging tasks, and I'm not even optimal for those jobs. I'm just a really blessed and fortunate individual to even have that opportunity.

Sure, I'm a smart guy and can be very valuable to a team for feedback, but I don't see myself like that. I say that I am, but I feel I'm not even though I actually am. A confirmation, plus denial, and conclusion of confirmation. I'm a glass is half-full type person, so I win while trying not to be cocky!

The Hardest Challenge

The hardest challenge for me is to overcome my emotional limitations and feelings of being burnt out from just being bored out of my mind for those few hours of my life, before I start engaging again. I think if I can sweat it out during those critical hours then I might be able to be a little more fortunate in gaining an opportunity. It's just going to be more wise thinking that's going on.

What I really need is more income and to continue working on my relationships and getting better at them, so that maybe I'll end up with a cute girl who just fits my needs for a wife.

Better Time Management

With the feelings of being like I have nothing to do, I'm so bored and want to get engaged in my hobbies, while having those feelings, I'm going to have to do something about it. What am I waiting for? I might as well just go do that and fail and then go back to doing it all over again. Who cares right? It's just me being me.

I have this blog that I can just share any comment I want any day and what I like about it is that I sort of shut off the comment button so it doesn't discourage me from continuously writing about here about whatever, like making fun of people from feeling mad at them. I don't care what their issues or problem are, it's me time when it's with them!

I don't need to be told that I'm being nice or given any encouragement really to keep going in life. I'm a self-motivator. A very short guy with a thick body and weird acts that scare the heebie-jeebies out of people. Oh well, that's who I am. I guess I don't provoke really that much and that those individuals just have a hard time dealing with their personal feelings and want to blame it on something else. It's really their feeling and them not fully controlling it in the first place, which is funny. It's not funny to them that I mention it this way, but my ride is more fun to be on so the saying goes.

Simple Schedule

It's basically to get carried away in the feelings of nothingness and boring life by letting myself suffer from studying and keeping myself occupied with personal projects that are doomed to failure!

There's no other way for me to say that the only thing is that I'm not depressed with where I'm at in life. In fact, I've gained a personal status of being a 0 out a 10 with depression. It's so intact that I don't even joke about hurting myself in that way. I'll joke about hurting others out of wanting to hate them instead, but for me, no way man, I'll stay happy!

Making Strong Comeback

Okay, I deleted that software that lets me play Magic: The Gathering. I have it in my Program Files folder, so it's not fully gone. I only took away the shortcuts. I'm doing this just to remind myself personally that I need to focus a little more on grown-up activities now. It's not helping because I'm too smart for myself even, but okay it's worth a shot.

I've felt like I have been dodging bullets by just doing something fun and wasting away my precious life by getting lost in myself. In other words, my cousin told me it's just a hobby that I can call whatever I want. AN OBSESSION! TIME-WASTER! The widow maker??? Just kidding about that one.

I'm going to just try to make a schedule then and let my boring feelings just rot and make me feel uncomfortable and just burning on the inside. It just doesn't make any sense with something about the girls that I've been finding quite exciting about. I might as well just accept where I'm at and then go from there.

Flashback/ Imaginative Proposal

If I become a self-made millionaire with a six-pack, like it's my dream that I have a hard time trying to live because of my addiction to playing MAGIC THE GATHERING (!). If I can end that insanity of destroying people's decks after sleepless nights of  making a destroyer deck, I'm going to pull up at that church on my motorcycle. I'll be polite, they have a driveway for God's sake! I won't park on there, just to be courteous and get towed away because that would suck. I'm going to engage myself in a yelling match where they don't yell back (aha!) and then say I don't want to wait for the cops to arrive and then just leave out of being bored of having to wait. Even if they show up, I'll tell them it's too late with the confrontation and that I'm willingly going away because it's funny to me!

The safety word for them will be an act that the preacher has to do. He has to unblock my g-mail account! Of all people, a pastor blocked me from trying to make fun of him with stupid messages. What a weirdo and so funny that no one should be around him anyway. Oh well. He has to unblock my account and then add me as a buddy on his g-mail profile, all in one setting. One day at a time because it's going to be super hard and annoying for him. He's also a dude and taller than me too. What a stupid person in general to walk this Earth.

After he does this, I'm going to constantly trash him with messages. If he blocks me, then the process starts all over again. I don't care about bothering the other imbeciles at that church. I'll leave them alone, but only do this to that pastor alone. If he's gone and it's that other stupid guy taking over for him, then hey, he's the preacher dude. He's going to be quiet a lot with me and probably feeling great for me doing what I'm doing. He's a little gay, actually!

I imagine myself taking months to warm up to him with my silly and stupid act of walking in, telling him off, saying that I'm bored of waiting for the cops to come over, and then leaving. I might even be telling off the ushers in the beginning who want to be stay away from the church because they don't know any better. I'm going to be pulling in with my motorcycle (5-star safety rating, hoping yeah right!) for coolness and gas efficiency and then driving off with it right away.

I'll one day walk in with a darth vader suit and mouth off the pastor and shine my lightsaber and do a front-ward flip in the air and land on my feet and then say that his service isn't worth sticking around for and leave! Watch, this may all come true and will be so fun and enjoyable for me while I'm settled down with a very cute, lovely, and really attentive in a good way wife (hopefully, have my fingers that are imaginatively in my heart crossed).

My Fault?

A church thinks it's completely my fault that I made around a 100 or less people not go to their church anymore. I don't really like that church, so guess how my feeling is about their claim? Exactly, I don't care! My poppy doesn't preach either, so he isn't saying anything bad about what I did. Yeah, I'm being honest but overall, they are just a bunch of stupid individuals who can't fend for themselves, if they let one puny guy like myself do that to them. It might just be a hoax they can't realize they are a part of.

Plans To Marry?

I have to first be a desirable person to the person I want to marry, and they have to be available and interested in going the distance. Most of those women are actually taken by some really lucky and swell guys! I'm actually a Christian doer when it comes to dating, so there's definitely a no-no for me based on religious practices. I don't care what people want to call me from not wanting to do that deed. I'd rather save it for marriage and use it for having the time of my life! I'm sure with the one and only, it will feel extremely good.

Enough with laughing and feeling good about the truth, which is what I'm pretty nice at doing. I can be rather cold-hearted and directed at not delivering affection when I'm mad. I do that really subtly though, and it can be psychologically painful on the long term especially for the guys because I do that with no shame at all to them. It's hard to initiate being vocal with me on those areas, while not wanting to be friends with me. This is only for some dumb people, I made friends with. I'm fairly decent with the majority of people, and yes, there's something to envy about me!

Slow, But Effective

I'm slow, but can be very effective. When I drive, I have pretty quick reflexes because I don't want to crash whether it's not my fault or it is. Basically, I feel that I don't have enough tolerance for allowing myself to stress out from having to complete new tasks.

 What happens is that I engage in a fun activity and then lose track of time. It happens all the time for me, and I'm ignoring that dreadful feeling of having nothing fun to do and needing to complete some work to get through the day.

My co-workers are married and old and not really the brightest people around in the planet. Yet, they have a higher position than me and are able to be bubbly and sweet in a sense. I'm considered to be a really nice guy or scary depending on your mood with me. I can just continuously be a pest and get away with it, while the other person can't contain those crazy feelings and get others involved. It ticked me off a lot, but I was trying to hold it in and not do something that didn't make sense. It was hard in a sense for me to find myself, so yeah, I'm a pretty well-behaved person who has a hard time communicating what he needs, so being all angry and then concerning some people did make a lot of sense.

I'm now laughing about those situations underneath in person at those people and able to withhold the pain a little better, even though it isn't comfortable for me.

Back To Concentrating

Relying on a person for happiness is only going to bring you down every once in awhile. The focus should be on what I can do first with taking good care of myself, before I willingly put myself out there. There's a saying of "Help yourself, before helping others." I don't really like how that implies a "me first" agenda.

The Bible really talks about surrendering ourselves to God for obtaining all our needs. He should be the one that we go to for taking care of ourselves first. In the book of Romans, Paul describes how  when we came to know Christ and accepted him as our Lord and Savior, we became in a sense baptized spiritually by becoming dead to our sins and waking up again as new creations of God.

This means to me that living life as a Christian, we want to avoid getting into some old habits and continuing some lifestyle that are displeasing to God.

Leviticus 13:12-14

Leviticus 13:12 doesn't even finish a sentence, so the main part of it is in the next verse. From the same verse, leprosy can affect the body from head to toe. Verse 13 says that if the leprosy on the body has turned fully white, then the person is clean. What makes this interesting is that if I were to pretend having the disease after coloring my whole skin with white pastels, then yeah I wouldn't be isolated or scaring anyone because I would still be considered clean!

Verse 14 states when raw flesh appears on them, then they are unclean! I guess this will take a little bit of research to understand leprosy then. I was reading that leprosy isn't really considered that contagious, which is interesting. This is really confusing me still about the whole being unclean and clean part. Are they healed and then they can become sick again all of a sudden?

Leviticus 13:9-11

Leviticus 13:9 says if a leprous sore is on a person, then he or she must go to a priest. Verses 10-11 states the priest examines the person and if the swelling on the skin is white and has turned the hair white, and there is a spot of raw flesh in the swelling, then it's an old leprosy. The priest declares the person unclean and doesn't isolate him or her.

From reading these last two verses, it's like old school English in that a person is referred to as man for the possessive noun. It's interesting how being just unclean doesn't mean you have to be isolated from everyone, based on this verse. From reading these last verses, it appears that if the same leprosy appears again then it might not be that contagious.

Still, there would be some commotion I presume among others, and they definitely would want to avoid the person who has it. A friend told me the other night that from having an angry girl spread some gossip about him at his office, he feels like a leper among others. It's pretty funny because his reasoning is that he isn't giving her a chance for going on a date. I think it's a little more complicated than that.

Main Goals

I'm going to limit my time with playing games and entertaining myself. With the time that I'm given, I find that I'm actually pretty blessed to have a lot of independence and in a way, get to still party hard and just have fun from being by myself.

Instead of spending time to watch T.V. , watch a movie, surf the web over unrelated stuff, or play video games, I'm going to Bible-related activities, write on this blog, study and do some projects. I'm going to also do a little outing with friends, too.

It's time for me to go after consistency and become flexible and creative at the same time for getting the right things done.

Deuteronomy 10:12-13 talks about fearing God. The American dictionary only knows one definition for fear and that's being scared! My sister once had this artwork done by a teacher that said "FEAR!" Hmm, maybe she thought it would drive out some evil spirits or burglars, I don't know.

Okay, enough digressing. The word "Fear" in the Bible is so archaic that people who are not used to knowing that the Bible is so old and sometimes has a different set of definitions for the same words we use today are going to feel maybe overwhelmed at first. Don't be afraid or fearful, aha! Fearing God means revering Him with a deep sense of respect. Man, "fear" is such a weird word to use to mean that, but okay, it's how it got translated so we have to deal with that and some more confusion that's going to come my way.

By fearing God through this admiration for the loving God and seriously worshiping Him, we walk in all His ways because we just want to! Nothing better than not being forced to follow through a religion. This is like a blind relationship with God because we believe that God speaks to us through the Bible. We carry this loving relationship from the Father in heaven to the man, woman, or child on Earth all based on faith. This makes me angry because I'm getting flashback of this dumb guy who said that Christianity is a religion and prayed that to God. What stupidity? Why even follow it like a religion then because it's like leaving room for doubting it at times? Would God even listen and say something like "Yeah, it's a religion. Do this and that." That's just stupid! It's about having faith man and carrying on something like this blind relationship with the Father in heaven, who delivers messages through signs in the physical world and from obtaining our teeny weeny bits of knowledge, after reading the Bible!

Fun In Work

The whole reading the Bible daily and prayer thing looks like it's going to be very beneficial for me. I'm going to set aside a little bit of time of the day to do it for myself.

I think it's a blessing if you can think your job is a happy and fun place to go to. There are several stumbling blocks to get to me on a daily basis. I can probably hold my front for a matter of months at most, before my walls come crumbling down. 

It's a huge challenge for me, but I'm starting to think like an adult for once. I finally figured out my anger issues from interacting with some dumb people who let me get on their nerves. I'm going to just be laughing majorly at their issues with me now and not take it that big of a deal. I'm probably just going to be making fun of them for the most part. It doesn't really bother me like it would with their feelings about me. 

Leviticus 13:5-8

Leviticus 13:5 says that after the seven days of isolation have finished, the priest must examine the skin again. If the bacteria hasn't spread throughout the body, then the priest must isolate the person for another seven days. Verse 6 says that if the sore ends up fading and turning into a scab and the disease hasn't spread throughout the other body, then the priest will pronounce the person to be clean and then command him or her to wash the clothes and the body.

Leviticus 13:7 says if the scab starts spreading again, then the person must see the priest. I wonder who would really want to follow this command and go through personal torture of being alienated from his or her civilization again. Oh well, Verse 8 says that if the spreading happens right after being pronounced clean, then it's back to being unclean and isolated again with leprosy.

 Honestly, I think leprosy is no real joke and might have been a total pain to deal with for people back then. I sort of feel sad for those who were victims back then and want to give them a spiritual hug to make myself feel better of wanting to cry for them.

Secret To Marrying Happy

Honestly, the challenges of being in love will be tested sometimes, and it's the best thing to love someone who's greater than you, which is the Lord and seek Him so that you can love your spouse unconditionally. That's pretty much how you can keep on loving your wife or husband so much in a nutshell.

It really comes down to listening well and interpreting the comments and advice really well to the point of accepting it or not. What I have found out is that for a man, when it comes to books that go into picking up women, they might plug into your head with some creative ideas for opportunities in meeting beautiful women, but it's really about how well he can please the woman. For even greater attraction, he can provide her with love and affection that just turns her on.

What I'm noticing is that it really comes down to pairing up well and just falling in love with each other. How a man acts with one lady may be loved or avoided depending on who she is. It definitely requires a little bit of intelligence and letting go of negative experiences, which can be quite a challenge for drop-out college students. Oh I forgot to notice, the man should be able to please the lady with everything he already has and be able to excite her with love and affection. This can make for creating a very pleasurable experience in a marriage.

So yeah, if the woman falls for the man despite his shortcomings or unfortunate looks, then it's quite possible.

Not That Big of a Deal

I'm very open to being friends with anyone whose interested, but why would he or she want to bug me constantly? I'm a little bit of short guy who is apparently stocky and very smart to some people, so that can equate to me being a scary person to people that are bothered by me over trivial matters.

Some fake person added me and then tried to sell me on some scheme. I ended up blocking the person on my g-mail account. The person isn't even being real and authentic with me, and I can tell from having noticed a pattern. They try to talk to you and then they ask you to go to some website, which tries to get you hooked onto signing up with a credit card. Nah, I've seen so many of those boring, launch sites, so I didn't even bother to click the link and just said a "Get lost" joke and blocked the person.

Some people have blocked me literally while I have tried to discuss with them about something on G-mail. I wasn't being direct with them and having trouble coming across, but I was steaming a lot of smoke and hiding those feelings behind mixed messages. They have not really been in the ideal situation for talking because they are just being dumb and having trouble managing their feelings. Those feelings of theirs don't belong to me and it's their property. They are clearly annoyed from having those feelings and acting stupid so next time, I'm going to bring up that they should go see a therapist. Also, from having cared about their imbecility in the beginning, I don't care anymore now. 

Leviticus 13:4

Okay, back to where I left off. I am feeling so rusty and going to have to backtrack somewhat. Leviticus 13:4 is basically saying if a bright white spot is not deeper than the skin and the hair has not turned white, then the person who has the symptom needs to held in isolation for seven days. The Bible doesn't really explain that others can catch leprosy if they are exposed to someone with it, but it's interesting that despite Moses not really knowing too much about diseases back then that God will command what would happen to patients anyway in these times.

In a way, maintaining sanitary conditions and separating patients with others so they don't catch a deadly disease seems like a little advanced knowledge for back then, when there's really no evidence for sophisticated medical discoveries. Don't you think?

Filling In That Void Feeling

I think the best way to do it is to just read the Bible and give it all to the Lord, whenever I'm feeling all numb inside and not minding the part where I end up wasting my time. Secondly, it should be something where I just take the time to pray. I think that will help me out a lot. I've never really done something like this, and it's just hitting me all of a sudden!

I don't want to get lost and carried away and then face the wraith of my own negative consequences. I've tasted what it's like to be on top of things and it's such a great feeling! I want to constantly be in that situation, so I'm going to do that then. Whenever I don't have any feelings of desiring something, I'm going to just read the Bible for a little bit and then pray.

Practicing Restraint

I'm finding now that withholding the self from personal urges and going after carrying out responsibilities feels very good! It's great and all to have a loving and intimate relationship with the spouse, so no calls for backing down there. I'm talking about the not so important stuff, like being hooked onto playing video games!

I have like this feeling of physical dependency on entertaining myself everyday. By allowing myself to face those urges, the pangs sort of turn into some type of euphoria for me. It goes like that, but the part that I still need to work on is when I feel that deep void of confusion and emptiness. That's the part where I will definitely follow suit with watching T.V. and playing games.

Looks like I have something to train myself to overcome then and continue some hard work!

Ideal Challenges

I'm going after a six pack with some muscles man! I also want to be a non-traditional worker with at least a million dollars. I don't want to go into an office. I just want to chill at home and do stuff like travel and take part in some, interesting social clubs. Maybe then, I'll be able to find a beautiful and lovely Christian woman to marry. It's going to be just constant prayers to God for all of that stuff going on for me.

Good or bad, my cries and shout-outs in prayers are going out to Jesus foremost. I really see myself going after pursuing studies with the medical field. I think during the end times, I'd like to make myself useful as a physician. On top of that, since I'm a little tech savvy, I'll also work on some software projects and continue to make money with my day trades. I can also work out and maintain peak shape.

Now I know that when I come home from work, I try to snack on food and watch T.V. I'm sure it's a pretty normal thing to do. However, I want to change that up. Also, when I wake up, I want to immediately do something to entertain myself. I feel this true fleshly desire of engaging in some fun and that if I don't get any of that, then I have reason to be depressed with myself.

I think it's just from being human and vulnerable in those areas for me. I'm just going to have to develop some strong willpower to conquer those weaknesses in my life.

In the Mean Time

I see myself waking up and then doing some prayer. After that I think I will bust out a Bible and listen to a daily audio track. On top of that, if I can register enough human will then I guess I'll just blog about a Bible verse or two.

Next, I plan on working out or running some errands and then trading and then doing some homework. It's somewhere between those lines. I'm catching myself feeling so naturally bonded to playing Magic the Gathering, ever since I bought that $20 software, I've been playing against people from around the world. It's been so fun to be immersed in a culture with different styles of reasoning for play! The software is called Virtual Playtable. Be careful though because you may find yourself addicted if you are into that sort of stuff. I am at the moment and trying to limit the amount of action.

I think what's giving me grace from spending so much time is that my Internet has had subpar connection, so it's been booting me out. I think that's just an accidental reminder that I'm spending too much time on those things. My mom has been saying to stop wasting my time on useless things. It's starting to take effect inside my heart and soul.

Benefitting

On top of thinking about how I'm going to go crazy with some idiotic things (people), I'm just going to save my energy with them and not waste it aloud. I don't care if people think that's a grudge. My intention is to be positive and peaceful; it's just that I don't care what their feelings are now and how I think they have been just a bunch of morons!

Basically, I'm planning on fasting from my urges to play video games and watching T.V. I'm going to try something more productive in exchange with challenging goals. All I'm really seeing myself doing is just constantly praying to the Lord over finding a cure for my anxieties.

I fully trust in the Lord's goodness and love for mankind. It's enough for me to have faith that Jesus will come back one day to restore his kingdom.

Moving Forward

With having done some things in the past, I realize that I don't really care and that those incidents actually benefit me a whole lot more for gaining confidence. In a way, it's not really moving on for me but continually moving forward. I'm about making progress to keep on getting better.

Pouring Out My Heart To Challenges

I'm back to playing online poker again when it's about lounging around at a waiting room or getting a car wash. It's real money, so the fun kicks in hopefully most of the time. I was down $20 in a matter of few days. Oh what fun that was! No, not really. I earned it back, yeah I'm the bomb- back to where I started- just passed away some time. 

I'm accepting the spin that leisure is a luxury. Instead of going the easy road, I see that being consistent with great personal tasks is a challenge. In a way, it's about growing up and taking good care of myself. Instead of going after the easy and momentary fun things, I'm going to trade it in for the challenges now. 

Something Nice

I have to really believe that marrying a very beautiful, affectionate, and loving Christian woman would feel very good indeed! It would bring a nice smile to my face and some buddies who could feel for my good fortune, if that ever happens.

I have so many insecurities and issues that keep me from ever going that route. I'm pretty much just praying to God about it. Praying genuinely about everything takes a little bit of humility. I definitely don't feel prideful to confide in my own abilities from doing it.

I recall in the Bible that this one religious guy made a loud, public prayer about how he's an awesome guy to the Lord! Being so diligent he was at praying and looking like such a swell and holy guy around others. The Bible states that God didn't care to listen to him.

Making Sacrifices for Greatness

I'm planning on waking up each morning and making a quick prayer to dedicate it to the Lord. Obviously, with my selfish intent and how I don't care about bothering a few people, I'm asking God to make those people nice to me because otherwise, I would be clashing with them and then laughing at them while they are miserable.

I'm still playing Magic the Gathering and having tons of fun with that game. I'm matched up with some brilliant decks out there and trying to beat them is great fun! It's easy to get very carried away with trying to making adjustments for winning.

I guess my struggle is a minor one with playing that card game. All that is lost is debating the amount of time I spent and for what value of leisure it's meant for. I think the better option would be for me to set it aside and do daily challenges.

Yeah, Showing Them Wrong

Research actually favors short men in that they are known to be faithful to their wives. Well, being a short male, I suffered long and hard while wanting what tall men want too. From having that realization, I feel like I'm super lucky if I ever end up with a gorgeous wife, so why would I try to ruin something good like that?

I can show those people wrong now in my own mind. They are thinking in their mind too, like saying, "Whoa, that guy is so small and short!" They don't tell me in person and just put on a smile. In my head, I'm like "Shut up! I'll prove you wrong, but I'm going to be nice about it."

If a tall, attractive woman loves me for me and is gung-ho about marrying me then yeah, okay, I'll go for it. Amidst my own expected perception that people are going to be thinking like that woman is crazy or she must be a weird chick or whatever, if the woman doesn't mind and can block all that out with a positive mindset, then yeah, I'll say she's a blessing and the right person for me to be with.

Consistency Through Turmoil

It's challenging to feel like a vegetable and not know what's up. Through these crazy feelings, I just lighten up and watch T.V.! I think in those moments, it's like maybe some force inside of my conscience is saying something is wrong.

From having annoying experiences of people just whining from being angry with me, they aren't really paying attention to how I don't really know and do not fully care because I get very irritated when people act that way. They are pretty dumb for the most part; they are no Chef Ramsay nor a role-model drill instructor. What I take from those experiences is that I shouldn't really be shutting down like that from not knowing anything and feeling so anxious about relaxing.

I just want to be on the go with something to do, when opportunity for me doesn't arise to the occasion.

Working Hard While Feeling Sad

It's never been easy for me to willingly chase after attractive women I would like to marry. First of all, I've been so down and out from feeling depressed over being my own height. It affected me from childhood. It was like I was the last person picked on a team; nah, I don't care now! I hated being last and with my last name being towards the end, it sucks but it's just a coincidence.

I think it's just carrying on pretty much. It doesn't matter with what's going on and trying to live a golden life based on pleasing God!

Letting Mind Wander

Playing the card game Magic the Gathering has been a lot of fun, win or lose, it's been so much fun. However, it's unfortunate that I have to grow up! I can't afford to hang out with friends or take on a girlfriend if I let that game consume my life. It would be nice though honestly if I could get paid to just play the darn game. That's not how it really works though, and I'm not anything special for this area, so sadly, it looks like I'm going to need to part ways from future development.

What I have right now with it is fun, but I need to not try to make it a full-time type of thing. It wouldn't be a wise investment, even for my career interests. I don't want to go down as a Magic: The Gathering champion of the world! It's not that big of a deal to me. I'm sorry to let down some fans I'll never make in my entire life.

Some annoyed people have been accusing me of sounding like a little kid. They sounded angry, so it was funny to me and their problems are not my own. Yeah, I was really bothered by them for some reasons that I'm not willing to express outwardly. With them having been constantly bugged by me, it's my own way of having got back at them unwittingly. I don't care anymore now and feel like my confidence level is rising when it gets to the occasion.

It's time to allow myself to get ahead in life!

Leviticus 13:3

Okay, I'm feeling so rusty right now. Verse 3 pretty much says the priest needs to look for a white sore that is deeper than the skin of the body. Honestly, I'm just thinking it would be embarrassing to stand there naked or in my boxers and then reveal it! I guess it's inappropriate for a priest to check up on women like this. I just don't know if the Bible is going to say something like get Moses' sister to look at it, if the person is female!

If the priest would have found me to be a leper, like I took some white pastels and colored my skin like crazy and wore some realistic-looking skin that covered everywhere except a patch of skin; okay, I'm just kidding. If the man has leprosy, then the priest declares him to be unclean. I don't understand here if the man becomes at fault or not. Well, the woman giving birth was considered unclean for at least seven days. It's pretty much just being under God's grace and love for something beautiful like that. The Bible states that a baby born out of a womb with an Earthly father is born a sinner! That cute little baby who cries and starts laughing all innocently is one day going to grow up into teenagers and give the parents a headache somehow every once in awhile.

This whole women giving birth thing is really acceptable in the Bible only because of God's grace and love that knows no bounds. That's pretty much all I can reason to for now. Basically, I'm still confused about this whole "clean and unclean" thing.

It's going to be thinking about priorities and

Consequences.

Who Cares?

Me so grunt type of guy, eh ohh uh AhhhHHH? Working out twice a day, so what? It's Mr. Six Pack time.

Bible reading too in the day and then falling asleep like usual.

Trying to get ahead in life and trading. Thinking about consequences over personal actions. Don't care what happens with me and just those stupid things (people).

So studying.

I earned a 100% grade, for a final grade of an A! Isn't that just darn nice, only an A for 100%? It's for my grad school, I was just taking one class. I must be a pretty talented technical writer because it was just research papers that totaled only about 60-70 pages for eight weeks.

Take That Bubba!

Hey my blog's nickname is Bubba! Take that Bubba, I dunked (wrote posts) at least 3000 times on you. A few words still counts as a post. Just look at Twitter!

Oh Yeah!

One more to go. Yeah!

Repeating Myself

I need to repeat myself because most people suck at listening while they are mad. This applies to those stupid things (losers)! Hey, I know what I'm talking about now. At least I can feel prideful that way for a short time which isn't that great anyway.

Great Balls of Fury

Growl. Roar! WHOOSH. It's time to spin the wheel called the Fury. No I'm just joking. I want to say that I have great balls of courage. I can go bungee diving and be like WHEEE.

Think They Are Going To Be Nice

I'm going to go full force crazy without caring. Those people are going to try to hurt me by saying nothing. I win because they are acting nice. They will add me on Facebook while they are mad underneath!

Juicing It Up

Boy, I could probably make up stuff. No kidding!

Going Crazy While Feeling Good

I'm going to be all crazy with those stupid things (people). I want to be alive and fully healthy so I can bring them low and watch them while laughing at them. It's like monitoring them when I have the time, but I'm going to be a crazy motivational speaker to them for getting my revenge!

Yeah, I'm weird like that but it feels so good for me.

Relaxing Is A Tool

I never tried a Zoloft pill, so I don't know. I haven't tried Xanax either. I remember a cold beer left me feeling so mellow once. That's wrong, I had depression and some type of over doing bi-polar as a teen. The echos and voices I vividly heard in my head amplified my emotions. I don't care if people think I'm crazy. If they are bothered by me, then so be it. Put a restraining order on me because I'm going to be laughing from them being scared of me. I'm not getting locked up from violating it; no way, man!

Seriously, Mom Said But...

My mom gets so uptight. I really hope she never gets sick from the stress. My grandma became mad and was talking for nights without sleeping at the age of 94. She then passed away from feeling so much pain. It's funny, but sad. My cousins and I were all sad to see her go.

Letting My Fantasy World End

I'm not in Zelda, but Mario had a tall wife. I wish I was Mario. Mario was a fat man but not shallow like me. Then, I could love a tall woman!

Joking While Sad

I feel sad from being a very shallow man to myself. I need to knock it off.

Bipolar Reading

I am short; therefore, I feel like I have bi-polar. Girls are short, so they have something. I guess that's how it goes. Guys are not short, but I am a guy so hey!

Laughing Away My Sins

I sinned so badly. I laugh at myself and ask God to forgive me. All is good? No, it isn't.

No Good For Writing

This free writing isn't good for earning a paycheck. It's just for wasting my time as a nerdy kid.

Headache

I have a creative mind that's working fast, but is no good for anyone to respond with sayings. If I listen to some people that do talk, they pretty much suck at giving advice. Why should I approach them for advice now? I should be just telling them what's wrong with them and say that they are acting so stupid and ticking me off that I want to bother them until the end of the world!

Being Full Of It

From being a young weirdo, it gave me the advantage of staying out of the negative light. I'm not such a weirdo anymore. I've been feeling the heat with people and just learning to not care!

Responding

A person was acting stupid with me by saying that he wasn't responding to my texts and said that while yelling. I told him to keep to himself and thanked him for that.

What I Imagine

It seems like I'm just venting out jokes. Scrolling down is what I see and skip as well with a headache.

Pretty Woman

Pretty woman walking down the street! The kind of woman I think is relatively good looking but no idea what her personality is! I'm so shy and feel so shallow about approaching her.

How I had a chance in the past was just from feeling nervous all the time and being very aware of everything around me and then going for the chance. I think it made the girl feel special. I didn't know I made her think I was dating her. I thought we were just friends, but okay, she's not interested in me anymore. I stood her up too many times, before I turned weird and was like oh yeah, I'm interested in you!

Energy To Write

I have strokes of genius and then I don't keep on developing. I just keep on trying to improve upon what I have. It's like a craft that I want to be a part of. Some of those activities are stupid and should be not for me!

Like Twitter?

I guess I could treat this blog like Twitter in a way, just that I officially have no followers. Oh yeah, I have three (counting myself) right now. I can ask more people to join this site if I wanted to. They'll probably never look at my site anyway. I could bug them too and they still won't budge. Hmm, that sounds like a good idea right now.

One Liners

Oh baby, I'm doing a one liner to catch up for lack of writing!

Funniness

People are funny in general, but people don't laugh. It's a given!

Very Nice

I'm now taking on this personal preference of not caring how I write my posts. This is pretty annoying doing this, so I'm sure I'm going to be losing my average readers. Actually, from just talking about the Bible, I received a huger audience than I have ever in my life.

I'm like a mixture of Christianity and struggling with my flesh. That's all I really am. I can relate to the problems that people go through, except for being incredibly sick or in very bad circumstances. The only thing I can really understand is having money problems and having trouble getting a job, no matter what the circumstances are. Even if the person is lazy, I can still feel for him or her.

One girl kept on asking me for money after meeting her on a dating site. I was like I don't have time for you babe, see ya! The amount of money invested to get to the dating website? $0, yeah I'm a genius because I got it for free. I'm embarrassed to reveal where the site is, so I'm not going to say anything.

Hey That's Cool!

I've stated ever since I've done this whole 1 post a day thing, that all I care about is making a post, so why not just make 100 sentences to catch up for the three months that I lost? It's still creating a post. Yeah, that sounds really nice now that I think of it, and it could save me so much time.

Just Writing Anything

This is where I plan on catching up and where I expect people to burn out from reading this website. This is the way to detract audiences, you just write about boring stuff that only you find exciting.

Need To Catch Up

By placing my focus on wanting to read and talk about the Bible, I haven't really been committing much on this blog. Okay, I'll just talk about how I feel in the Holy Spirit then. I'll just state that I don't really care about being blunt right now. I can also be less direct, but that's only if I want to bug people very badly now. It all depends on my mood.

After all these years, there's still a part of me that I don't want to reveal with the whole world. I'm ashamed and too embarrassed of it. I'm going to try to put an end to it, before it gets too out of hand and like the most important people in the world find out. It would be like I'm letting them down. I don't wish to talk about it ever on this blog. I might have covered it once on this blog already! I'm not going to do that again. I wrote that post like I was never going to do it again, but I have been constantly doing it in real life.

I feel pretty bad about it and need to stop. Actually, I have a small sacrifice while engaging in that action so I have refrained from doing something. This is getting me thinking that I have been so self-absorbed the whole time with this blog.

Not Much Help

I'm falling to prey as a victim of mismanaging my time. There has got to be a way that the Lord intended things to be. Being at service today and listening to the pastor in person was a total blessing for me. I felt closer to how God wants to work in my life.

On top of feeling so annoyed from constantly losing an average of like one friend on Facebook every few months, I guess that's the main thing that bothers me. I'm still functioning by going around bugging those people who did or get around to do it, but I don't really have time to put a lot of focus into them now. What really helps so much is that I don't really care about the consequences anymore. I've gained so much confidence over it. It's like a state of mind that just hits me instantaneously.

Everything just adds up together and then all of a sudden, when you take it in, the information either feels good or bad.

Focus Shouldn't Be On Me

When I look at myself, I see a shy and not that very handsome and short person. I am a person who gets away with doing some naughty things too. I'm not going to talk about it because those things aren't a very Christian thing to do. Let's just say, I don't really like using curse words when I'm by myself. I'm catching myself do this, and I need to be all about the Holy Spirit now.

This is a really big challenge for me and it's not something I'm ruling out as impossible for me now. In God, I think anything is possible with Him. I'm sure there has to be an answer to all of my miseries. I'm not that appealing of a person, but I am considered to be rather nice though. Also, actually there are some people I'd really love to be around and feel influenced very well by. I feel like a dork!

I really don't mind people acting so ticked off with me now when I talk to them in person. The situation isn't even that important to get so worked up about now. Those feelings of theirs belong to them and not me, and they are just having trouble managing them because it's annoying them. Maybe they should go see a therapist to help them resolve those problematic feelings.

Things I Need To Put An End To

I think it's time for me put my full trust in the Lord. I believe that I have been putting too much focus on myself all this time. I think that's probably what's causing me to feel very sad in life. I'm not really established with anything yet either. I'm still like a fresh pup with an aging body. It would be really depressing if I was writing these types of posts at the age of 50. That would really suck!

Anyhow, I don't care about the restraining orders now. It's just a bunch of junk and who cares about that stuff. I have been just getting carried with Magic the Gathering the whole time and playing poker. I've been playing a lot of those two card games lately. I think I need to start prioritizing better.

This is such a challenge for me to break out of this stupid habit of mine. It's a little stressful for me to stay consistent in other words. I need some type of inspiration to get me to my goals.

Back In Church

I am not really anyone special, but what still depresses me is from just feeling all jacked up, along with being a short person. I am really a shallow person on the cover, but don't judge with that criteria for really anything. It's like I am still open to hanging out or helping them out for something with a smile. It feels good to be back in church.

A pastor tried to recruit me and said I belonged at his church. However, I feel like I am a very irritating person and also sensitive, too. I think the biggest shallow thing that bothers my confidence is my perceived lack of height. Despite the bothered feelings, I don't go around breaking things and abusing alcohol to land in jail or something.