Coming To Terms With It

Last night, I figured out that I don't need porn to help myself do some edging. If you don't know what that is, I'm not really going into detail. Yet, I was working on the sensitive part and could last only about three minutes with a strong grip. Okay, this is really bad for me to continue doing. I just feel guilty about doing all of this stuff.

I think I'm ready to let it go. One of my insecurities was keeping me from moving on and pushing forward to more healthier and lengthier things. Sometimes the ego wants to be impatient and lazy. It just will give up. Like my good friend here, he tries to give effort and then just believes that his I.Q. level isn't good enough. With all of that confusion, he also adds on some paranoia. He'll say it was the cause of co-workers, but I think he brought that upon himself. It's hard to say because he probably doesn't fully understand it to an extent that he can get a grip of it yet.

I was ailing for a long time over that stupid church girl putting a restraining order on me. It wasn't domestic abuse or anything. She just did it under the pretense of kicking me out of her church. It wasn't done out of love. A loving person wouldn't act that way. She totally sinned from being overly protective with her self-interests which is promoting her ideas of how to behave. It had no love in it because she was too mad to realize that she was going overboard. She was blinded by it, but now I can state how embarrassing it would be for her with me bringing it up. I can direct those types of personal attacks now with her to make her shut up!

Yeah, I'm able to put her and those stupid church people who were involved in a totally hopeless case with me in their place. I made a promise with God first that I would become a millionaire with a six pack before I went to do anything foolish with them. It's pretty much a spiritual battle for me here with the flesh and growing spirit inside of me. I've been very selfish lately from being self-absorbed about my own dealings. Yet, when I tune in to God's Word it feels very miraculous and such a relief for me. I do want to live purely in that manner and it's a struggle for me daily.