One of the awesome things that I have put myself through is how I took everything so seriously and then to be so happy with realizing that the majority of them weren't while having learned so much about myself! I guess it's weird that I'm not married because I feel a little sad thinking about it when people bring it up often to me and just have to accept how things are. My mom is the worst at telling me to find someone to settle down with. It's pretty annoying and I'm just not ready because I don't want to rely on my parents for financial things or some early inheritance if I marry a person they want me to.
I'm just not having it because I now realize it's about making a connection with someone to form a love interest. I wouldn't want my kids to participate in same-sex marriage now or even jump the gun with pre-marital sex if they weren't! I believe the Bible really meant for sex to be in marriage with a man and woman. It's also really cute, if everything works out and the couple appears to be so happy about marrying each other.
This gets me to now realize that I want this deep connection with a special lady and to form a romantic relationship. This wonderful intimacy that comes from truly caring for each other's well-being is what I desire to develop someday. I'm not so worried about a woman's physical appearance anymore, but more about her personality and what she's made of. There's a girl who is too much for me because she may be outwardly beautiful and also successful from having worked so hard and continues to do so, but she is like a nagging little sister to me. I'm saying there are some gorgeous women out there who will not have the personality I'm desiring so I prefer to avoid them at all costs or just be friends, if I have to be entertained by their beautiful presence sometimes.
I'm trying to express that the physical attraction isn't really a big deal for me anymore because it's all temporary fun and can die down one day. Being with a lovely partner despite her being a little less pretty than others, I think I can achieve a lot of happiness and would like to test this. It also means that I'm no longer looking to be dependent on porn for my own occasional moments of fun because I'm longing for this intimate connection with someone wonderful! It's a missing element for me when it comes to thinking about pure physical sex so I'm going to have to put it under control for now and make peace with it.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
