This is a random thought but I have been accused of being so sexy for a short guy by a taller and pretty smart Asian girl. She looks pretty good too I guess so maybe more along the lines of being average and pretty down-to-earth. She told me that in all honesty attraction deals with personal preference. It's always felt like in the past that I have way too big of an order to fill if I want to be regarded as the sexiest man alive! A guy told me that I was that man too so now I think it's pretty good laughs and sweet of him. I'm not gay either but I realize these girly emotions underneath me while being a guy with a lot of driven testosterone underneath. I have sort of learned to balance it all out these days from just being myself, coming to an acceptance of all of it with honesty, and coming to peaceful terms with it. It really helps a lot to get into studying the Bible and growing a relationship with God and being open to understand its actual content instead of relying so much on other's opinions. It's nice to get feedback from Bible teachers I trust though.
I'm still getting negative feelings but not visual images in my head anymore when I think about the old church that bugged me so much. I'm still swearing a little while thinking about them when I'm driving home by myself and would like to repent of this activity. I'm starting to make a lot of peace with it because I'm accepting that it wasn't really such a big deal after all and being so mad about it doesn't really matter.
In relation, I was recalling about this classic film I watched in middle school with Kirk Douglas playing a Viking leader. From reading the summary of the plot to recount what I remember seeing, it's not the impression I had in mind. What I felt as a kid in class was that Douglas played a ruthless Viking who hated a fellow comrade and didn't want to change his disposition. Right at the end of the film before he dies, he gets the revelation that he got the short end of the stick. He won the fight and just had to deliver the killing blow but hesitated because he noticed at that instance he was going to kill his brother and then from pausing too long while distracted he became stabbed and died!
It's a funny irony and I just wanted it to relate to my past arguments with people who had a disposition that they couldn't let go of and fought against me because of it. They lost from having gone too crazy! I'm not feeling so resentful about them anymore but it's a lost cause now because there's really no point to take it so serious anymore. I think I have the upper hand this time around and will continue to hone my conflict resolution skills to go along with my selfishness towards them.
In a nutshell to deal with stupid incidents with people who are just insane at that moment and acting like they are hallucinating about details that don't exist about you; and yes this has happened to me with people who have a history of being unstable- it's unfortunate that most of them are no longer an active part of my circle of friends. I have to go off topic for a minute here a little and ramble this - yeah, it's called skills baby to write a three to four line sentence consisting of at least 60 words! Now I can end my paragraph here if I want to. Okay, I'll finish this discussion. I believe the most important trick comes from being self-confident in yourself. You have to let the person confirm his findings and let him take it far as he can and tell him that he has no smoking gun right away and that he's being crazy and he won't be able to even though he's so convinced right now. Tell him that you are so confident that he won't be able to turn you in for doing nothing illegal and walk away and let him know you will follow up with him later. This is a crushing blow because the next day, he's going to hate feeling stupid while having to be around you. You have to give him a little space and then if you want to after, make peace with him and let him go with encouraging words or just ask to hang out or something. You are on a roll to be his friend even at that point!
The last paragraph is what I should have done with the people at that old church. They went insane with me and I'm ready to move on and do this same maneuver on them after giving them ammunition to go crazy with me again. It's pretty dumb anyway and they should learn to not be so crazy about it while feeling mad. Just remember, it's important to never lose your cool and remain self-confident in your own abilities. This will also keep you in pretty good standing with all the ladies you want to impress, too.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
