Don't Think Height Really Matters

I'm starting to think after my hour at the gym that being short doesn't really matter. I feel good after completing my workout, so just saying something to an attractive and taller woman doesn't really mean anything to me. All I'm feeling is that man, I'm struggling with not liking her being taller than me.

That's my inner core and conscious thought, but once I settle in and get to know her personality as a friend, I just don't care! Basically, whoever the person God allows me to marry, yeah, I said allow! With that person, if I feel good about her and she feels the same way about me than jackpot!

Just be yourself, keep meeting people, and be self-confident about tying the knot with someone. Finding a common ground of interest really helps a lot because it makes bonding a little easier for me.

It just comes down to asking a girl you like if you want to hang out with her and if she says yes, then yeah, it's all good. A guy I know was like all "Woah" when one girl he was attracted to agreed to hang out with her. Funny times and I still remember because I wasn't laughing back then when I witnessed that incident.

If she says no, you struck out or lost all your money while playing poker or something even worse of a feeling like that. It is what it is, but just try to understand her intentions and maybe, if it's still good you could find a work-around.

Secret To Dating

I've discovered the ultimate secret to dating. I'll say it in two words- work out.

Seriously, don't take a shower, shave and use that shiny soap and lotion that makes your face all clean and beautiful. Don't even try putting on your best clothes.

No, do all those things! Working out is the secret that gives the guys that macho feeling of confidence before going on a date. My mom even tells me that my face looks much more toned after I work out. It's a secret that I have uncovered from just messing around in the past.

I've successfully bonded with all girls, even the taller ones. I once hung out with a girl, and I didn't even know I was on a date with her. Yeah, it was at Disneyland just me and her. She was just talking and talking and talking... Was that a date? I don't know for sure. I didn't work out that day because I thought walking through Disneyland was a work out. She didn't call me back. She's a pretty hot girl, but I don't think she's right for me. I still would like to deal with her weirdness just because of how hot I think she is. Man, I would be really tempting to do something with her, but okay since she's gone from my life, I'm not going to worry about it.

Personally Assessing Self

I'm doing a P.A.S. A personal assessment of self. Like that's going to be easy for me because of my personal bias. Yeah, I'm the king of my own imaginative world. In the infinite universes, there are infinite clones of me that make something happen. Therefore, we are all alike in some way. No, I'm just kidding.

Actually a close friend likes to think that way because he isn't satisfied with his life. I guess the saying goes that misery enjoys company and all that he's probably doing for a defensive mechanism to keep on living in this world is to relate himself to others. I don't really see how that solves any situation or solution constantly thinking like that, so it gets annoying for me to hear him preach about his speculation often! Anyway, in that infinite universe of his, he should try to tap into his billionaire and socialite alter-egos and try to get something going in this world. It's actually pretty entertaining to discuss his view with my other friends.

Okay, because of extreme bias and lack of focus where I might want to end up binging on inherently, egotistical remarks, I will try to limit to Wikipedia's List of stock characters.

Honestly, I am getting some likes with my comments my friends, but it's like more haters than lovers for me. Oh well, I'm going to keep on going and give all my effort for the Lord! I'm not quitting because all of that energy is for the Lord whenever I can remember and get off of my sinning nature. Anyway, I have refrained from doing something for like three weeks now. I'm trying to turn it into longer than three years and it feels like torture right now.

Back to the stock characters, to sum it up in a few words, it's a stereotypical character you label in fiction. I'm going to try to closely give off where I see myself: okay it's going to get a little gruesome and have to swallow some pride to come off honest here.

I'm a

• nerd
• spoiled kid
• everyman
• fall guy
• geek
• sidekick
• spear carrier
• strawman 
• treasure guardian
• vice

I'm basically ordinary and nothing fancy going on except that I have something very intelligent that I'm working on. I am a pretty hardy individual, and I might pair up with someone whose a lot taller than me like Batman! I could be his stocky and unagile Robin!

Style of Talking While Agitated

Talking with people while being straight-up is very healthy. The consequences that occur even though it can be scary and wanting to not think about it is actually normal. It's just that I don't think everybody in the world wants to pay attention to those details that make you feel even more weaker. Putting up a fight in the mental category is a lot more normal than I thought, but it also would take awhile for people to get there. It doesn't really matter, even if you don't understand the person being that way with you. 

Currently, I see it as a fun puzzle. I sort of want to fix and resolve it, but when dealing with girls, you need to be more sensitive and do a sort of build-up approach with them. Even if they are complaining with you in person what you did and they don't want to care anything about having a relationship with you, there's a way to heal the fall-out. I know because I have done it somewhat with my sister who wanted to just be angry with me being a jerk to her for a long time. She wanted to ignore the facts and just act inappropriate with me because she was just being a baby like that at the time. 

Yeah, it's a build up and takes time. I told a female friend who was really holding back her frustrations and fury with me that I take awhile to solve these types of problems. She said that it's okay. I think what she meant by that is that it's ideal naturally to let things take time. It gives the other person an opportunity to spend a little time on their own. You can't really be with the person when you identified she has a problem with you. In those few months of not really socializing with her, I'm taking the time to figure out the solution. It just fittingly works out, if done properly and with this touch of sensitivity.

The very angry and old female friend gave me a few outs which I recognized. After socializing and bonding with her a little in less than like fifteen minutes, she was like telling me good job. I was sort of natural at communicating with her and making it enjoyable for both of us because I was lucky to be interested in her field of study, which is dealing with people.  

The build-up with her came from like texting her very positive messages. After we agreed on a meetup date, I even sent her a message the day before and said that I am going to be happy to see her. She was very receptive and responded back. She really wanted to work with me on figuring on a problem she had with me. The moment I walked in, she wanted a hug but I was like "nah", I just gave her a handshake. I sort of hate her method of hugging. 

It was all like setting up a positive environment and being sensitive to her needs. I realized what I did was funny but I understood it gave off a wrong impression to her. She really liked how I asked close friends about my actions and was impressed by how I took a smooth direction afterwards. We bonded fairly well yesterday, and it wasn't all magical or anything. It took a little effort from both our ends.  

Meeting New People

It looks like from having adopted a new way of coping for my issues dealing with people, I don't really have to feel so grouchy a lot longer than I normally would feel. From being the short guy I am, I honestly thought nobody was really going to take me so seriously for the things I said or wrote to people about.

I guess it all started when people heard about me charging after a co-worker at his house. I came over because I was angry that he didn't want to resolve an issue he had with me. He just wanted to be left alone because he felt that I pushed his buttons too much. From feeling like I was a really short guy, I felt anything he talked about in the moment didn't have any meaning. Also with him being a guy, I thought he could sweat it out and come back to normal. Maybe it was just a temporary thing, where I caught him wanting to be in a weak situation.

I no longer feel so bad about it, but that's not the point. When I saw him again, it looked like he was in a mood for just laughing at himself about the incident. I think he wanted to find an excuse to not worry about he did with me and wanted to think that everything was going to turn out fine. My reaction was pretty normal, but nobody really wants to understand that and they want to place a high-value judgement with me because they like to think of me as being a pretty bright person. Even my mom frequently mentions in her lectures with me about how I'm pretty smart and that I can figure things out on my own. It's like Mom accepts how I want to go about situations on my own occasionally.

How would I have done it differently now that I understand what I did wrong? I just needed to say the right sentences. I didn't really point out that my old co-worker was being inappropriate and ticking me off so much! Nobody really likes to admit he or she is mad, when it's all about maintaining the pride. I had a really hard time maintaining those emotions, but now from really making the effort to think about human nature and the intentions that went into play, it doesn't seem so hard now.

How Everything is Progressing

It's going okay, I suppose. Looks like I am content with my Magic: the Gathering decks so I won't really be testing them anymore. I had fun in the process of making them even though it sucked having to lose a lot of games while doing so.

With the currency trading, I'm back to using a trend following system and so far it has pretty good results for me. It's usually like that for me, but now since I'm with a non-obtrusive broker (ECN) and it's all legal, I might actually have a shot of pulling in pretty consistent profit.

Putting Magic aside now, I'm ready to just give my focus to reading the Bible, working out, trading, and hanging with friends. A lot of things have pretty much been irrelevant for me and figuring it out without blowing up internally has been a benefit for me. I guess the self-control is originating from thinking about the intentions or agenda.

Overall, really the best way with doing something is to pretty much do it yourself! You can think about it, but doing it isn't really going to be that easy. Also learning from others in that basically testing out their method really works too, but you have to see it for yourself first.

Overall, I don't think I really need to go for a Master's now. If my dream is to pretty much make a living off of being a trader, then I might as well go straight for it now.

Giving It My All

Even if I am not that good-looking and suck at a lot of things while being a short man, I am still going to give an effort to what I have. Whether it's just little I can do or a lot, it's all going to be for the Lord! Whenever I forget to do something and remember later on, it's back to making my best effort for Jesus.

All the experiences I have had that has made me what I am, I offer it up to Him and will continue to live that way. Reading the Bible everyday and tuning into a Bible-teaching ministry has really been a benefit for my spirit-filled life. I have been going at this for a long time now. At first, I didn't know what I was worshipping but these days I am understanding better my relationship with God.

Living for God's Glory

1 Cor 10:31 and Col 3:17 both mention that whatever you do, you should be doing it for the glory of God. The New Testament practically talks a lot of Jesus, so Christians are supposed to do everything in his name. Even if nobody cares in our lives, the focus should be on pleasing the Lord. 

I guess that makes my life a lot more meaningful now. I'm going to give my all with having fun then because that's what I like to do and make it a healthy thing for the Lord's name. I'm pretty much trying to wise up now and getting my mind off of playing Magic: the Gathering. I'm pretty much back to trading. I guess I'm just going to have fun with it and try to learn something about it everyday. I'll just be doing some reading and experimenting on some new technique daily, along with maintaining my preferences.  

I should also be following up on some chores as well, so I'll be getting at that then. I'm really going to need to then just be wise. With all the jokes that I'm putting down, I'm dedicating them to God even if nobody laughs and get offended. I'm trying my best at least and will keep doing that. With all the socializing that I'm trying to do from being forever a newbie, I'm going to give over my full effort from intuition and everything I got to the Lord. Even if I get some individuals complaining to me and tempting me to get really angry and they don't want to appreciate what I'm trying to get done with them, I'm going to still give it all the Lord.

This practically all means that I should be reading the Bible on a daily basis and praying to the Father through the Lord Jesus. Basically, my daily life during the week is going to be about reading the Bible, working out, doing something related to trading, and looking for an opportunity to make human contact with someone! I don't really care about attractiveness in people now or their age, I'll just call it practice while I'm heavily suffering emotionally underneath. I'll just try to build perseverance and patience with everybody and do it all for the Lord's name. 

Follow Up

My last post is actually pretty good and just has that captivating style of my personal touch. It can be read over again while noticing some sweet spots of sympathy and humor. I'm a pretty whimsical person believe it or not and not that very gifted all-around as people think I am. I'm being honest. I have a limitation to everything and the only thing that can make me good at what I do is to calm down and work at it.

Like right now, from calming down and putting all of my emotions and intuition into a problem, I was able to get a pretty good grasp of the situation while feeling comfortable about it. For example, one of my little first-cousins had a crush on me when she was a baby. She would smile and try to give me a light kiss when she was like four or something!!! It was annoying, okay. I tried adding her as a Facebook friend and then guess what? Yeah, you know she didn't respond to it. It's not a no nor yes. I figure that she's just shy about adding me and want to go far as rejecting me romantically. Okay, I don't have a problem with that. How could I add her because I'm interested when I shouldn't be by human standards? I just need to press my values on her a little more and get her comfortable with me as a person by knowing where I stand.

Overall, I'm a very hard person to understand. By my nature, I just don't make it easy for people to figure out my intentions, unless we're like playing a game or something. Still, from playing a game, it's very logical that I'll be trying to make the best move and sometimes, I just won't do it because I'm just sucking at it. The thing about it though is that some individuals are sort of afraid of finding out when they are being selfish about something because if they were to tap into my heart, they would be influenced to do something that's out of their comfort zone.

Focusing On the Heart's Intentions

I'm starting to find something that helps fill in the gap with frustrations that come from missing information about anything. By taking the approach of figuring out the person's intentions, it really sets me up to strategize better for influencing my happiness. I'm really about developing self-control from doing anything inappropriate now. Since nobody is perfect except for the one who claims he or she is, the imperfect person will every once in awhile ignore negative self-judgement and just go about doing something while being in the heat of the moment.

I want to catch myself right at the beginning stages of those inappropriate moments and lean to the understanding of Jesus. I'm really going to try to set up a routine now and treat my life like it's a daily job for now because I don't want to get too carried away with the fluff I find in leisure.

I want to be pretty serious again and dedicated to my health and gaining knowledge to increase my vast wealth. Even though I grew up being influenced as a weak person by others who angered me with their rudeness, I never really made an effort to get them to stop. I basically fought back naturally and held a grudge even though I still wanted them to be my friend. Things are starting to slowly creep its way to how I don't really need to raise my voice to set my point straight, unless I was a cop pointing my gun at someone.

In order to be so cool at formulating a wonderful outcome, you have to be the master of yourself. You shouldn't be so agitated underneath because it's expending energy where you would be working a lot harder than you would. To be the winner, you need to be a calm and assertive person focusing on the right tasks. For me, I'm finding that my suitable propensity for solving people problems would be realizing everyone's intentions intuitively and then just communicating to force the issue out-of-style. I found out that I have been gifted a problem solver's head, even though it's very slow at processing only a billion things that are going on at once!

Leaning On Jesus

Everyday I wake up with this feeling of addiction and longing for something that would be classified as inappropriate. I guess in those instances I need to turn to Jesus through reading the Bible and praying to him. When I have those moments where something in the past is still unresolved and wants to momentarily haunt me because I let it get to me, I should just trust the Holy Spirit will guide me out of those hard times.

I'm going to start doing it and take it a day at a time. One by one and doing the right thing to the best of my ability. I need to get my priorities straight again and live a strong routine. I think the biggest imbalance of my life right now is literally playing Magic: the Gathering so much for me and watching T.V. and just not focusing on the boring and hard stuff enough that I should be doing to get my responsibilities straight. I should be doing all of those things, instead of just giving my time up to distract myself while having so much fun! I'm going to try to turn it around now and go with that flow now. The feelings are starting to get a little better and if I don't do it now, I'm going to burying myself into a deeper hole now. I need to clean up my act and do better this time around.

Reading the Bible is Awesome

Well what sucks is that Angels are probably going to be out of playoffs this year. Right at the end, they ended up choking and losing to a better team. Oh well, it sucks! At least the Dodgers get a chance in the playoffs, but I don't think they'll be winning the World Series. They are a great team though for sure.

Oh yeah, that's what was on my mind and now I don't feel so bad about moving on now. There's always next year, but it's like a bitter feeling having to wait for the next season. I wish Angels would have won more games and had a chance to battle it out in the post-season but I guess it's just going to come down to some fans ranting about firing the current personnel. Go figure, they are acting rowdy like some Yankee fans.

Okay, the Bible is just giving me this type of relaxation that feels really spiritual. Reading it everyday, just feels so healthy for me. I'm just browsing through it and trying to speed read in about maybe 15 minutes to go through like 10 chapters of the Bible, but still trying to read it verse by verse just feels really relaxing and just like an eye opener. It's like I can relate to some of those verses and passages. I'm not going to use the Bible to make some obvious jabs at people because it seems inappropriate. I should be responding to them in love and being honest about my needs with them.

I'm so glad my annoying, but good female friend told me that what I was doing is inappropriate. I feel like I'm the king at discussing about manners with people! In fact, I should be practicing what I preach.

Simple Layout

Playing Magic: the Gathering is so much fun. I like trying people with different decks. I always want to win obviously and sometimes I don't get to beat them. It really sucks, but oh well. I guess it's something of the nature where I really need to just move on.

I think I can sit well with games that involve luck and skill if I don't really have to sit there all the time and be engaged in it like playing with stocks! It sounds good to me then. I'm just talking all scattered and random right now.

Today, I went to the gym and did some hard running for about twenty minutes on the treadmill with some incline to it. Yeah, it was fun and very exhausting. After taking a cold shower, oh man, that felt so good! I'm going to try to run everyday at the 24 hour gym. It's pretty cool and something to do while I get to be all mindless and listen to random music on my headset and watch a TV screen with my favorite team losing on there! Oh man, what a bummer.

I'm also going to go for maxing out a set of push ups and sit-ups too. I think I can do that everyday and takes only about five minutes for me, which isn't too bad. I'm doing about 42 push-ups right now and 52 sit-ups. I'm down from having done about 10 more reps. I guess I'll slowly creep my way into successful reps at about the 80 level before I get bored of it and do something else. I think that's how I'll introduce myself into fitness. Just the basic push-ups and unassisted sit-ups, which aren't that easy. You have to stay in place and I keep bumping my head into the wall!

Oh yeah, I'm also going to go back to doing those growth stretches from yoga. I grew about 1/2 inch permanently from doing it. I went from 5' 2.5" to 5' 3 1/4" after doing those stretches. Man, I'm still short for a man. If I was 6' 1", then I wouldn't care about being rejected by a woman. I would just smile and move on. From being short, it's a little hard for me to smile when a girl does that to me. I keep on developing a height complex more and more, and at the same time; I'm just not caring about it.

I'm also taking a no response as a rejection to me, but if I had all the confidence in the world, it wouldn't matter to me. That's what I'm lacking from being too short. If tall men are being rejected by gorgeous women as well and seeing it on reality shows, then maybe, it's not too much of a difference anyways. I'll just go with the natural do what's good and get a hug from the pretty lady after!

Like a Job

Well, so much for feeling like it with doing some things I know that are good for me. I think I'm just going to think of it as like I'm going to work, each day I wake up. I have some free time and end up blowing it by doing mindless things like playing Magic: the Gathering but okay, I think it looks like I might be ready to put a lid on it and focus on the things I really need to do.

I don't know why I'm not doing the things as I'm supposed to be doing. I guess I just don't like feeling stressed out, so I'm naturally becoming evasive with it. If I treat it like it's a job, then maybe I have something going on here. I guess just for today only, my mind felt way too excited and it was like I had to just lay there to calm down.

Okay, it's back to limiting on playing Magic: the Gathering now and finding closure with it. I have a deck that can beat anybody in the world and somehow, I always need to prove it to myself by playing the game. I guess I can be happy with that and focus on some priorities because I'm lacking a little balance. It's like I should go pro with playing Magic: the Gathering but I'm like so reluctant to do it. I'm not numb to the feelings of losing and not making it in the money! That's why I have that currency trading business going. I'm done for now then.

Willful Discipline

Realizing that I have all of this addiction underneath me, I guess I'm just settling for being by myself for the rest of my life! Other than that, I want to do some things and when I wake up, I'm just like not in the mood because I feel a little groggy about it. It's like forcing myself to get up and go to work even though I don't feel like going.

It's pretty much how I'm living my life on a daily basis for now. I know what I want, but don't really get at it because I let other distractions get to me first. I would like to change it and do something about it these days. This is what I'm trying to do now. I don't really have any health concerns for my short stature. I just occasionally feel a little bit of anger, and I guess that's where Napoleon received his complex from. He's one of those short sociopaths I guess who made it to the top.

I definitely act like I have the Napoleon complex when I'm mad for any reason with people. I have acted very inappropriate and scared people into doing stuff for me out of control and intimidation while being a short, young man. Those days feel like they are good because I would rather subject the people I'm ticked off at to my ridiculing and nonverbal harassment. When I'm in motion with something and doing it at my fullest potential, I can sometimes cause good things to occur even while facing setbacks like Al Bundy did in Married With Children.

Why I Have No Significant Other?

Maybe I can joke that God is my husband. There are currently about 1000 women in the U.S. who have dedicated their life to God and will never marry anyone neither become intimate with anybody. It means they will have plenty of alone time with Jesus in spirit, while reading their Bibles I suppose and praying to him. I've noticed that it seems to be a Catholic thing, which is interesting being that some Christians are critical of other Christians and believe that compromising one of their beliefs will mean eternal damnation.

That's a bunch of bullocks! One group of people says that it's mixed teaching and they act so mad in person about it. Yeah well, the Apostle Paul states in the New Testament that when people are faking their Christian lives and doing good stuff out of it, he'll settle for it because it's about bringing people to the knowledge of Jesus and everything good about having a relationship with him. Overall, no alive person nor angel nor demon has the ability to judge who goes to heaven or hell at the end of a person's life. Nobody really knows if a serial killer who gave up his life all of a sudden to say that he wants to be in heaven is going to be there, except for God.

We just don't know, but what's weird is that when the Bible says something is evil in practice, there are people who still practice it while trying to reason that it's something else that the Bible is mentioning. I'm sorry to say this but having the greatest physical intimacy with the same gender is not advocated by the Bible. Adam and Eve were created for marriage. God states that some men and women are not born to be married, so when those urges for the same gender arrive, maybe it's because of upbringing and for probably exercising humility by not doing that sort of thing! I'm believing that there might not be anything wrong with living together while not doing that crazy deed.

Well, I've mentioned that I am very picky. I don't even know if I want to have a relationship with a lady who shows a little remote interest to me. I've had an opportunity with someone because she stated an interest and I was like what? the whole time. Was she in it for the money? My sister was angry because she just gets moody like I do with her when my mom said for her to fix me up. It's funny drama so I don't care about being open about it. I think it's funny to be sad about being lonely and complaining about it on a blog, so I don't mind talking about it.

I have like a bad boy image to my mom who feels she did a horrible job raising me, so she takes the blame on herself and relents to me not getting married. I'm cool with that actually! Maybe because of my extraordinary preferences and unwillingness to be in a relationship regardless of how attracted I feel and just from being shy about approaching a woman and then not getting any reply out of her, I'm just made to stay single my whole life. So far, I can live with it. I'm practically a nobody who is trying to get six pack abs and gain a million dollars! Even if I have those things, I'm still a nobody who is trying to be a practicing Christian.

Morning Passing By

The reason why I'm able to be so open and blunt is mainly because I see it as humorous to myself. Some people may not catch on or understand me unless I explain things in further detail, but that's just normal even though it annoys me but doesn't for me to question others. I guess I have a weird double standard. 

Okay, so I feel pretty dumb about some things. If there is not a real future from having no absolute, true interest from lacking something, then I might as well just pawn it. I'm saying this because I'm feeling rather numb about looking at airbrushed professional photos of models and can't constantly do it. It wears me out, so I'm like how can I be in a relationship just for a woman's beauty? 

I think I want to be more about leaning on the Lord's understanding. A buddy said that he will settle with being the family dog if he ever gets to be around God's children. It's pretty funny to me and also I think it's a humble remark from him. I showed him Mark 3:35 which has Jesus saying that whoever does the will of God is his brother and sister and mother. This remark came after someone mentioned to Jesus that his earthly family was looking for him. Pretty weird reply, but nonetheless it's about God's eternal family and there seems to be a depiction of sharing fellowship with the Lord in some type of equality which is amazing. 

Actually I think my buddy knows that he can't fully obey the Lord's commands because nobody can and he wants to accept any part of the Lord's blessing from realizing how good it was for everyone when Jesus died on the cross.  

Nothing Fancy

I guess I'm about personally controlling my hormones now. I need to try to be nice with people, so it's important for me to be a little careful. Besides getting away with being in big trouble a lot of times I've almost went into it, it's actually pretty funny mishaps even though they are highly inappropriate for humans of all ages.

Yeah, I don't deserve a girlfriend or anything and I'm not really that smart. I just try to make an effort whenever I can to do what I want at times. Right now, I really just want to be full of energy and strong and do a lot of interesting things like flipping around my body and doing some martial arts with parkour action. I would like to dunk while being only 5' 3" too.

Being short like some other girls is what it is. I'm just a guy in place of that and just don't really want to date taller women than me, and I'm just so picky even with the short ladies. I guess that's why I haven't settled down at the super old age of below 33. I'm going to be 40-something pretty soon in like another decade.

Simple Layout

I'll be maxing out on a set of push-ups, sit-ups, and then running for about 20 minutes each day. That's pretty much going to be my work out. I'll be adding on maxing out on pull-ups too. I'm getting very addicted to Magic: the Gathering. I'm starting to not care about winning or losing at it now, so I think I'll just lay off of it.

With all the boredom I have, I need to do really good and try my best with rolling along.

Going To Live With It

I guess the irritated feelings I'm constantly getting, which I equate to being angry is that I want to still be a friend to the person I'm just annoyed by. I think I like to be a hopeless dreamer, while not caring about the other person's feelings. I pretty much went viral over the web with them in giving them a beat down while just being honest. I admit it. I'm making fun of them because I'm mad at the same time. It's abusive language and yet, they seem to have not been too taken back by it. I think they were in the beginning, but now, maybe they are having second thoughts about bringing me down.

I realize that this motivational drive from anger that inspires me to get nothing done could be a waste of time. I'm still playing Magic: the Gathering. I guess it fell out of my radar from being angry at stuff. Another thing is that I'm actually working out little by little, which is surprising for an angry person like me. Finally, I'm actually investing my money and sweating it out while loving the thrill of the ups and downs of the business.

There are two rules to play of the game of investing. Rule 1: protect your account, meaning never go bankrupt by leaving enough room in your account to bounce back, even if you were to lose that 99.999999% sure bet. Rule 2: go with your gut feelings.

Reasoning With Myself

Reasoning with myself is something I really need to do a  lot more. I'm practically just letting myself get carried away with reading news about professional sports. I guess that's normal for a guy born and having grown up in America with parents who liked to argue in a language I didn't understand. It was so annoying for me!

I get carried away from getting mad, so I just want to give a fit. Instead of showing that like a little kid, I do the grown up version which is complaining! I don't complain like a normal adult. I do it in a manner that's very insulting to others. I don't admit to it, but yeah, I'm still trying to get away with it by being nice. I think from being short, I try to be passive aggressive by nature and want to do all of that petty talking behind people's backs like women are prone to do. However, from being a dude, I just want to go all macho and tell people off in their faces.

From the combination of those two abusive qualities of mine, it irritates the heck out of people and fires them up to start yelling and saying stuff that annoys me even more than they already are! I'm not a very direct kind of guy, so by holding myself back in writing, I think some people who were mad at me smelled blood and went in for what they thought was going to be an easy kill. It didn't work out for them because now I'm overly direct with those people. Also another factor to the former softness I had is that I stopped caring. However, from just being mad, I want to be their friend.

Following Through

It's pretty much about catching myself, but I really have nothing going for me right now. I can just say that Jesus rocks and that I'm trying to do my part with that on here so far. Okay, I believe in Christ and that he rose from the dead and he will come back. That's what I believe and I want to read the Bible more and be changed spiritually from understanding the Scriptures better.

Okay, that pretty much wraps up my talk about being a Christian. I'm still going to try to make it sound cool with being a Christian though, even if some people in the world think it's lame and stupid. I'm pretty insensitive, so I'm trying to understand people's motives but it seems like I'm about trying to stay clear and being nice about it, so I don't seem to get too much conflicts out of that.

I'm not going to like breath down someone's throat and say that God loves him and that the Lord wants him to go to heaven and that it's possible for him. It's like a process, but what I like is realizing your flaws on your own and from that how the Bible can help put the pieces together and to provide you with this insurmountable peace and joy in the Lord's name.

Simple Things To Do

It's nothing much for me. I'm going to turn it into a routine. I guess playing poker isn't really what I had in mind, so I'm going to let that go. Playing Magic the Gathering is really fun, don't get me wrong, but I need to not let it get to me so much now.

Okay, I'm just going to read the Bible, exercise, and trade. With the free time I have left, I'm just going to try to read around and get better at trading. That's pretty much all I really have going for me. The weekend is where I'm really going to try to socialize with people then. I might as well just go extend myself out and work on being a more social person and hopefully I can connect better with a few people and find a nice person to bond with who I can be happy with. 

I just need to stop wasting my time in places that I don't need to now. With those cravings that I have, I'm realizing that it's leading me nowhere. I need to fix it. 

Nothing New Really

It's pretty much the same old try to make money with trading currency while avoiding on playing Magic: the Gathering and hitting the gym everyday! I'm looking to go out and socialize a bit more so I'm grateful for all the friends I have accumulated over the past and to still be invited and have some coming to my all-out fancy birthday dinners.

I'm becoming a lot more calmer through the troubles some people want to put me through and to have a relatively decent understanding of what's bothering them. It's like no one wants to approach me about something they see wrong with me, anymore. I mean I'm pretty cool about not being a sore loser nor rub-it-in-your-face type of guy. I think that's why I'm still likable and approachable.

I don't think it really matters that much now dealing with some negative people. They just want to blow something out of proportion sometimes and end up losing it. It's really easy to start being disrespectful and complaining in a petty manner to just get away with stuff when you are angry. I'm going to have to load up on some self-defense skills and apply some of my deterring methods that I've been learning.

From being straight forward and not really hiding anything, it's been making a good female friend who is pretty shallow and delicate more accepting of me. She's pretty complicated and a little annoying, but I put up with it for a learning experience of communicating with a slightly stubborn woman. The Bible's ways are really true. Honesty is like a kiss on the lips. It might sting when you reveal something negative, but that's just the structure of how things are sometimes. Fortunately, I love to have a great laugh while I'm angry and getting to people by relying on my opinion and saying negative things about them that they can hear or read. In the end though, the honesty and straight-forward values just makes me seem more stable to others who aren't going through bad times, so the person I'm mad at has to accept some type of loss in the end. It's been making more bolder and understanding my ways. It's like being blunt in those heated moments has been my best treatment option for anger management therapy.

Taking It Slow

I'm really not so worried about having to watch out for myself to just be accepted in a social crowd. I guess getting to be around the right type of people can take some time, so I believe it's normal to depart casually from certain groups.

From comparing some beautiful photos of famous women and their current state, I have noticed that the visual enjoyment of them being attractive didn't really retain itself. It's like just because a woman is pretty, it shouldn't really be the only reason for me to want to marry her. The physical beauty from being young isn't going to last! There's just no way for a real-life woman to compete with an air-brushed photo.

Simple Plans

There's no reason for me to reveal my plans with people who I suspect are trying to do something bad with me. If they have that negative impression from whatever delusional train they got on, then I might as well not feed them any more thoughts and just start doing stuff without telling them my purpose because I don't have to.

Okay that being said, it's pretty simple for me. Becoming a millionaire with six pack abs! I don't care what the accusations are with me being a bad Christian. I am still going to read the Bible whenever I can!

I guess my dream job is really doing convenient trading with currency and being successful at it eventually. Even though I'm not that great yet, it's still a moving experience for me each time I try to gain some knowledge for it. I might go back to playing Magic: the Gathering, but right now, I want let that subside for a little bit. I need to try to loosen up my distractions from being angry at some long term incidents where I end up becoming motivated and stay like that without finishing anything I had ever planned.

Nothing Much

I'm starting to be about relying on the Spirit of God from reading the Bible and praying and trying to spend at least a little time carrying out some agenda in obedience of God's Word. It's pretty dry at times, I won't lie even though I'm a believer and then I feel like falling asleep. I mean I could use it as a good tool for falling asleep while I'm in bed!

It's all good though. I'm starting to realize that when I'm mad at someone, I still want to be his or her friend just because of the constant feeling of irritation I'm getting. It just makes me want to push harder and go to the extreme for something.

I didn't know what the heck I was doing at the time, but the wrong person gave me a restraining order. She couldn't extend the restraining order at court, so I went back and scared her really silly. I even sent her harassing messages that was making fun of her and then it's like she completely shut down online with the places that I was able to attack her at with my full name boldly!

A friend says that I should be nice to her because all women need some loving and was laughing about it. It hasn't really affected my social life that much, even if people know that I had a restraining order. I don't really know what the big deal is about it now! I'm just mad and want to be her friend because of it.

Yeah, this time around if anybody wants to get a restraining order on me, I'm just going to make fun of the person on the paper I get to submit to court. I'm going to make it the best memorable experience I can in laughing at the person and discussing in person about a lot of the person's negatives in a truthful manner, even if it's inappropriate because I won't even care how the person feels. Never trying to see the person again on my own efforts won't be so hard anymore, like it was back then for me. I didn't fail from having a hard time, but I would like to try to make it easier on me because I have a load of other stuff to do anyway, so this might really help me and not for the other person and might even discourage them. By being discouraged from putting a restraining order on me, I could then try to be a friend to them because I'm just mad at them and want to be that way!

Craziness

Almost 5-6 years have gone by since I've been stressed out by a church kicking me out! They aren't the best of the bunch in this world, when there's already so many to choose from. The Bible states that God's people will follow the Lord from reading Scriptures. How is it possible when there's so many differing views?

Well, if you go back to the basics, most of it is laid out in a straight-forward way. Then it goes off into different viewpoints based on how you look at it, but still the most basic things make up the foundation for being a true believer.

Honestly, enough with the digression, I'm really ticked off about it to this day and feel numb about the people's concerns there. I think I can go back and cause a funny mess for them because I'm in the mood for just ridiculing them. I think I'm what you call a functional, angry person. I'll still be your friend and hang out with you, even though I'm mad at you.

I'm practically blurting out the names of two women around my age named Betty and Annie. I personally nicknamed Annie as "N-O" in my thoughts and wrote a sarcastic love song that everybody thinks is lovely about Betty on the piano. I even have that music recorded on my phone. It's okay I guess, but I could improve some more on my singing.

More and more, I'm feeling and making the effort to part with them in my head and keep the fun song I got out of it!

Back To Where I Started

It looks like I'm still in the mood for getting a six pack. Nothing new there, and I still want to be a millionaire at the same time. I think my dream job is literally trading currency for profit. Right now, I'm pretty much rolling along with it. I'm basically picking the option of being a speculator, which is managing risk in a highly volatile market. I guess poker players who make a living off of it will somewhat fall into the same category also because of the long up and down swings a player can face in the game.

I think it's not uncommon for people to judge that investing in stocks is pretty much gambling. From reading some statistics, the major players of the currency market which include international banks are going to be the winners. My job is to try to locate a convenient trendy market and ride it so I can make a few thousand dollars off of their million dollar transactions.

It's exciting and I no longer have that craving for being greedy with my money. I've just got used to it and would like to help out starving orphans in the world, if I can earn a lucrative income off of this and probably travel the world while playing golf with someone I ended up marrying.

Reaching the Last Straw

I'm starting to reach a personal longing where I just need to let go of playing Magic: the Gathering and just be happy with what I got going. I'm basically just playing out of habit to test new decks, but I'm met with practically a control deck from my other opponents so that slows games down.

Overall, I think it's just about having fun and losing doesn't really matter that much anyway. If I'm not in any tournaments, then I guess I'm just trying to win all the time because it's fun. Losing is okay too and it's just the way things are going to go.

Happiness Counts

I'm realizing my pattern of just playing Magic: the Gathering whenever I get the chance. I'm trying to limit the approach to it now. I've realized that since there's also luck involved, I have to accept defeat sometimes instead of mulling about how I lost. I hate doing that, so I end up spending a lot more time to try to create a better destiny for myself and then end up testing it with others who are also good as well.

The one thing that sort of sucks is that I cannot test my strategies with winning over people that well. Like, I wish I could get a few losers to add me back as a friend on Facebook, but I don't really have some data to figure that out. It's like I have to use intuition and one thing I don't want to to do is get really angry and then start doing random acts of injustice to the person. I've done it once, but I was so deceptive about it that the other people didn't go after me. Maybe, it inspired them to laugh because the last I heard is that they were open to me coming back. I heard this idea from the person I least wanted to get it from. She even made a claim that she's crazy and is willing to send me to the grave because I bug her so much!

Maybe, I can be rude again and leave the church and do rude stuff to make myself laugh and then have an attempt of making some cops angry with me, all for just laughs and to be a troll because I'm just in that mood. I'll have to see how it plays out, but I do normally like to be a generally nice guy.

I just have a problem with being stubborn about some things, and I realize it. I think many arrogant men today think of it as an advantage, so complaining about it is basically a weakness. Them complaining is funny to behold even though it's annoying and you don't realize sometimes.

You know one girl coined it the best. She was open to dating me, and I should have left that one humble and pretty church girl for her. She's so angelic and was going to be with one and fighting for her wouldn't even make any sense. I'm so dumb for not realizing that.

Taking It Too Seriously

I'm playing Magic: the Gathering well maybe a little too much. I've just learned that the game is very similar to poker in a way which makes it almost a non-satisfying route for me. Fortunately, I'm not gambling in the game but from what I've read in the past, players used to gamble with cards in that the winner would take it.

What I recall reading is that one guy had a very cheap deck in that his cards were not that useful, so that even though he lost, he didn't really have to care. However, he would win at least once so from all the losses he had, he would trade back multiple cards from that one game he won, which is smart!

I wish I could do that in poker, and end up playing for free to make money, but I guess that's not happening. Nowadays, only the very best poker players get sponsored to play for free. That being said, it's really time to reassess my passions.

Knowing that Magic is a combined game of skill and luck, the beauty comes in building a deck that suits your interests. What's so awesome is that the combined agenda for most players is to pretty much win and whatever route is taken whether conventional or not, it's about being happy with what you got. Win or lose, it really doesn't matter but winning makes it so much more nicer. I'm an addict to being a winner, practically! I can't get enough of it, but losing some good battles can be frustrating also in a great way because it gives me more better insight to improve my game play.

Just Being Dedicated

I'm going to go after just rededicating my life and organizing it better. Instead of passing the time while having fun or angry from losing a lot in Magic: the Gathering, I'm going to let that be my reward for accomplishing boring or complicated tasks and doing it all completely.

If I make a mistake and left something out and enjoy Magic, then yeah, I caught a break and going to have fun regardless! Okay, I'll have to get my urges to settle down and do what I forgot, like I might pull the whole I have to go thing while I'm playing myself or some worthy opponent whose ticking me off from beating me silly!

Work vs Reward System

I'm going to try a personal reinforcement system. In a nutshell, it's the common "work hard, play hard " mantra that everybody likes to come up with. Note hard work comes first then after accomplishing something and while feeling good and on top of your game, you end up playing hard while doing something you know you like.

What about not knowing what you like doing? Well then, with my system, you would not be able to use it. School and working at the job is all hard work. Playing video games or going out trying to make a girlfriend can be painfully fun especially with all those blisters you could get from pushing buttons and getting slapped for saying the wrong thing, respectively.

I can't say I've been slapped, but I've been shouted at for saying that a woman looks fat because she had a baby and didn't get rid of the added weight. It wasn't really a nice thing to say, but I was just wondering why a bunch of shallow guys would reject her after she mentioned about not having quality dates with men.

In a way, I get to maintain my urges with playing Magic: the Gathering after being satisfied with the work into doing something. Right now, it's like all play and feeling out of whack and lot of guilt because I'm not doing enough work to get somewhere in life. I mean I have a job where I try very hard to concentrate at it, so in a way, I'm lucky to have some type of income. I just know I could do better and be living my dream!

Controlling Urges

This one guy I know is pretty funny in that he admits to having urges to doing something that's considerably odd, but makes his brother feel bad for him. If someone says he or she feels bad for me, I'll take it and use it to my advantage!

Pretty much my urges are just playing Magic: the Gathering and watching TV when I get home and snacking on an ice cream bar. That's pretty much it and it takes up a few hours at least for me to get out of that mentality.

I have so much ambition and stuff that I want to accomplish. It's all filled up in my head, and I feel like I'm not living up to my fullest potential or even making any strides for it. I want to get on the go with it and constantly have this reminder and push that I'm going the right direction in life which is eventually going to make me happy.

Well there's something I can do about it and it's just being consistent and allowing myself to suffer emotionally with the boredom and lack of patience I have. Maybe, some of those things might not really be worth the reason and wait after all. It could really be just for vanity after all, but it would be so cool at the same time. I feel like that while I'm playing Magic a lot.

Rededicating

Mainly, I've been hanging out with a buddy who isn't really that socially adept. He says that he's a natural loner and will avoid conflict at all costs. He's really happy that way or it seems he can manage that way somehow, as long as he also knows he has a place in the world. He's actually adopted a belief of infinite, parallel universes like the ones you find in comic books and that in one of them, he's a billionaire playboy living the life!

You've got to be kidding me. The answer isn't out there where he can't tap into it. It lies somewhere in this reality. I personally believe in the joy of a person's soul through being happy in the Savior of this world, who sacrificed himself in the Roman Empire period so that those who would believe upon him would find redemption.

Relaxing State of Mind

I'm starting to realize that one of the secrets to my successful living really deals with staying calm and assertive in situations that are displeasing to me. I really need to get back into reading the Bible and praying to the Lord. It just brings me a good sense of well-being.

I'm also trying to get up and work out. I'm going to try do that now. No TV and playing video games. Just reading about practical stuff and entertaining myself with an imagination. I'm not really going to spend my more time playing poker either anymore.

I guess my dream job is really about becoming a successful currency trader and that's pretty much it. I'm going at it right now with about a $5,000 account.

Another Flawless Victory

This is another one of my posts with some vanity in it. I beat a rookie at Magic: the Gathering, and I ended up scoring a perfect knockout in that card game. It was fun, but it was like taking candy from a baby. 

Okay, he had some powerful spells but I ended up just playing a counter spell which is a strong defensive control mechanism in the game that the blue cards get. I remember playing other card games like Star Wars and Pokemon which were also addicting, but Magic has stood the test of time for me. I'm still playing it to this day. 

I'm feeling mighty proud of my small achievement and feel like I need to take a few victory laps around the gym. I'm going to go try to do that, but I have some things I need to take care of right now, so I'm going to focus on those things.

Because I won with a landslide victory, I feel confident today in that I don't need to play anymore Magic for now. I like the setup that I have, and it's pretty strong and not that bad. 

Reassessing Myself

I'm giving in to a lot of minor fluff, which is just doing nothing but wasting time. I'm just being blunt with myself, even though it hurts to know the truth about it now. It's really that urge to like check up on my favorite sports channel and watch those reruns or watch some contestants trying to survive the wild. They make it look like they aren't really suffering and that I could do it too, but I'm sure a lot more degree of difficulty and experience goes into it.

I wish I was so smooth like that, but I'm just not. I need to accept it. I know it's pretty normal with what I'm going through, but I'm like so aware of it and gradually just not caring. I mean I have like this cold heart to it and there are days where I just do it while disregarding everything else. I could be calling up someone to help them out and feel good from doing it. I just keep forgetting about those things because I want to be busy with my own hobbies.

Anyway, I'm finding that blonde girls aren't really the best to date like how it was back in the day. Right now, Asian women are leading the way! Basically, my sister could do it too, but I don't think she wants to. She's actually a lot more sociable person these days and I think what irritates her gets to me also, and she's just had some of her struggles that she wanted to have full control over. I mean she was open about some things and others, she just wanted to keep it private.

For the little guy that I am, I'm not really that little. I'm actually not that bad, but know that I could be better. I guess from playing Magic: the Gathering, it's bringing out a side of me that I've kept under wraps, which is trying to be a perfectionist and attaining satisfaction at a consistent rate. It doesn't hurt to always do things to make myself happy, while being lawful.

It's funny how when I talk about God, it's like some crazy people out there could be thinking about terrorism! It's like the legal enforcers will want to get in their cars and buzz off their sirens to say that they would get me, if they could but they are busy. Something weird like that. I'm actually trying very hard to not cuss in writing, which is something I haven't done to a full, explicit way. After all this writing and anger problems and complaints about stupid people, I still haven't made an insult calling them some traditional bad words. I guess I don't want to feel like a buffoon and give into some people's outrage.

Dream Job

I finally have in mind what my dream job is. I never grew up with this assertion to make money off of being a programmer. It was really more like a hobby and I still feel that way to this day. I mean I enjoy the challenges it brings and even though sometimes, I'm not feeling it and it's just a bunch of emptiness and irritation from not getting anything done right, I'm still in the mood for finishing the job.

Computers are pretty much like a lifestyle for me, and it's something that I don't really feel right about competing for. I mean I have a degree in it and have successfully got a 100% and 99.9% grade in my graduate courses, but I could still do better for myself.

I'm pretty much changing my mind back and forth, but what my real dream job is just having one that really isn't the typical 8-10 hour job. I thought I could do it with poker but because of those nasty swings and constant beatings by lucky and irritating opponents, I'm just not cut out for it. There's one guy who puts up with it in the world and he's the best there is at it in the tournament field, Phil Hellmuth. He has 14 World Series bracelets. Wow, that is so unprecedented in poker history!

Is It All Vanity?

From talking to a buddy at work, what you always wish for when it comes true may not be the greatest thing you could imagine anymore. From taking an economics course, I remember the concept of the law of diminishing returns. This is pretty much how when you are satisfied with a demand. From constantly being fed that demand, it gradually lessens.

There's also something called sticky demand from what I remember. These markets are pretty much dealing with those dangerous and highly addictive drugs. It's like you can't get enough of it and want always more. It's a highly profitable field to exploit like some criminals have in the past, but it's life threatening and not enough addicts are responsible about maintaining their own health, so it's illegal.

Yeah, about the mind, it's really to hard to control urges and go after doing the right thing. Once you get sucked into something that really brings you some sort of accomplishment and well-being, it's just hard to be challenged by someone to abandon that. Imagine someone like Christ popped up in your life and told you everything you were doing was wrong, it would be something you either ignore or feel really offended by. What about the other end, where you do actually care about what he said and wanted to listen and change your ways?

Back To Finding My Way

I have some serious competitive urges with Magic: the Gathering. I'm playing against different styles and it's annoying to lose against them! Oh well, it was still fun to participate with someone. I finally managed to give myself a flawless victory! I was like "Haha, in your face" and then exited the playing field.

I'm finding out that I am struggling with a few styles, but what's really the important thing is just timing and having the right setup which is based on luck! What I love about this game is how I'm constantly being pushed to the limit to improve my strategies and learn new ones from my opponents and then adapt to the ones that I personally favor.

I guess having scrimmages in sports games, like friendly competition against other peers will really help you know your place and what you could do to improve yourself. I mean it's nice or depressing to know our limitations to the game that we are playing, but it's pretty much making a valiant effort from practicing.

Relying On God's Good Timing

A lot of things I'm doing is practically just me wasting time when I could be doing something better. Where I'm at right now is the starting point of ending my useless obsessions and beginning new habits.

I've really lost a lot of interest with doing some things. I'm just not the same anymore. I'm trying to figure out my heart's desires fully and also factoring in if God would be accepting to that lifestyle.

I'm really thinking now that maybe settling down with the right person would be useful in helping me to keep in check the little things in life. I'm doing a lot of little things in place of the big goals that I can't seem to register from having groggy mornings.

I just need to will myself and make stronger decisions, which is going to take some more prayerful thinking.

Tracking Number of Posts

I'm basically using epochconverter.com to check up on what the current day of the year is. After this post, I will have done what I haven't done in awhile which is my goal of being up-to-date and having roughly the number of posts that amount to the days of any given month.

It seems relatively simple, considering how I'm on track with my sixth year to do this task, but I like to write a lot sometimes and pay attention to details that stick out. I've been socializing relatively well with nice people, and it's a challenge for me to stick around with people who are not so delicate with me. Anyway, because I'm a guy, I'm really desensitized to a lot of it and not really realizing the person is going through a hard time with something until later.

It's really boring for me to talk about a jerk's issues for me and something that I find to be stressful at times. It's a little hard for me to keep my cool which is what I have been trying to do all these years in those situations. I guess I can just start by being dedicated to achieving a positive outcome even though I don't feel like it and try asking some questions and pointing out some things that are obvious to me. It might just happen that they could just not be in the mood to fix their poor attitude and just continue trying to wreak things. I believe it really comes down to communicating, but what really helps for me is to just use relaxing self-humor to laugh about the situation and continually minimize my anger with the individual. It's a real pain and something I get tired of but it's about finishing strong for me and giving a valiant effort from the start. I get a little lost at the middle, which is what I see as daily routine. I guess I need to be in the hot seat more and pick my battles often to develop something that works for me and is satisfying while under Biblical laws.

Entering and Exiting

My eyes are just fixated on the piece of paper I made. I've actually awaken pretty early today and feel like I have a lot to accomplish. I had a semi-nightmare where I cracked my nail and was supposed to feel some sort of pain but really didn't. I haven't really been controlling my dream lately, which I heard is called lucid dreaming. I really had a fascination for that while I was growing up and so I did end up escaping some scary dreams.

I'm starting to notice that for a close female friend, I love her in that I accept her even though some of the things she does and says irritates me occasionally. She really isn't my type or anything even though we could appear compatible with her being smaller than me. I'm not really taking her comments about dating too seriously when we hang out. I tried to hire her to be my dating coach, and it's just not working out to my liking. Maybe, I should find another friend who is more like my style and willing to hook me up! I really need to break the news to her eventually because she really has a strong interest in it. There's a few things about her that need a little bit more work.

Right Now

I really feel out of focused right now for the most part. I'm just having a groggy morning and physically feeling not all there. It's like I just want to get engaged in something meaningful to me again. It's really all about the choices that we have to make.

My thoughts are centered on wasteful thinking. No wonder, I'm not getting any of my tasks done. I really need to fix this and be on top of my game again.

A Few No No's

Basically, I'm relying on the Lord's good timing with finding a suitable life partner for me. In the meantime, I might as well just let that be the off-switch button for me and focus on some good things.

I'm actually becoming really serious again with investing my money. I'm really bored to my wit's end with playing poker these days, so I'm calling that part of me quits. I do have a list of things that I need to do, so I'll just let my mind dabble in that piece of paper.

I'm basically just saying no to poker, television, and games. My buddy says a lot of things that I can relate to and so when he's saying them, I'm thinking up a whole bunch of solutions. He seems pretty cool about it.

I guess my anger reminds me constantly to get some things done. I'm a really competitive guy. Okay.

Dedicated

Honestly, I'm really grateful for all the people who come on here monthly just to read my top two posts or a few of them. It seems to add up in numbers. I honestly haven't really touched that post and I don't really want to model my posts after it.

I don't know how it ended up being like over 1000 reads on the Internet of over billions of people searching for something. Yeah, I'm pretty small.

Okay, I don't feel that special now with this blog of mine.

Oh yeah, enough with the digression. I'm going to try something where I write stuff with my agenda and then go from there to see how much I live up to it. I really need to prioritize and I haven't been doing that at all. That's probably one of the main reasons that I'm not really dating anyone at the moment.

With my time wasted playing having fun with Magic: the Gathering, who really needs a girlfriend? Okay, MTG is getting pretty boring and something I'm doing because I have this drive to be the best at it. I'm trying to work hard with all these hours in perfecting a deck that I'm happy with. So far, I'm like at a 9 out of 10 for satisfaction rating. That's not bad actually. I'll go rolling with it then.

Especially playing die hard fans online with their decks, I've been kicking their tails with my own original deck man! I guess that's good enough then to believe I have an above average deck that will fare well in the real world of Magic: the Gathering. Basically, I'll be kicking some consistent tail in my own ring of playing with some buddies!

Satisfaction Is Key

Whatever I'm doing in life, I need to make sure that I'm happy with it and that I can move on. Looking back, I did the best I could with some things and it just didn't turn out right the way I wanted. It's probably for the best that I leave it behind me now, like going on a world conquest to be everyone's friend on Facebook. Actually, for some period of time, I really didn't care if even a creeper wanted to be my friend. I would just add them.

I figure that why not indoctrinate them with my own bull and have them go ballistic with me to the point that they don't want to be friends with me on Facebook and try to move on from me bothering them all the time about it. It's pretty funny that even a stalker won't be friends with me on Facebook. I just have that look or can act in a demeanor that just scares people from what I message them sometimes.

I'm learning to adapt even though I'm sick and tired of playing mind games.

Wising Back Up

I'm pretty much fooling around and doing nothing important by practically playing Magic: the Gathering all the time online. It's been like my lonely activity where I seek an online opponent to enjoy some matches with. I then get bored and leave them hanging sometimes.

I keep repeating that type of behavior where I go have fun and then get bored all throughout the day. What about working on something where I would never get bored and feel fully content?

I've actually really felt that from chasing after God's love and going for living the way of the Bible. It's just that I'm constantly switching gears, like going from cold to hot all the time. I'm not much of a talker, which is something I would have to say. Anyway, it's nice to be accepted somewhere given the fact that I was rejected by a church!

I'm so serious when I talk about that with some buddies of mine. They are pretty flabbergasted and I'm being still mad about it. More and more, I'm starting to just laugh and becoming more in the mood for communicating and outsmarting my retarded acquaintances because I'm just made to care more and sweat it out with adapting to situations eventually while keeping a leveled mind.

Well, I can't say that I'll be fully level because I'm obviously irritated when I talk to some of them. I can just be honest and text them some scary messages. I haven't been arrested because I'm always just making fun of them by talking about how I'm a cool guy.

Totally Not In the Zone

I'm a little out of it at the moment and about to wrap things up and get back into the mood of things. I guess it happened that I was at a place where I started to get to used to things. I have been making some good acquaintances and learning a lot of stuff from willing teachers.

People have been asking me to do stuff. I guess it's just the way it is. It's really a lot about having fun. I really need to understand that when I take something really seriously, I'll take it all the way to the point that I might miss something and never be able to recover from it.

Boy, I'm such a mess right now with no drugs or alcohol in my system. I really don't care how depressing or bothersome my life is or what kind of dumb addictions I'm going through. I'm never going to rely on some product to get a high. I'd rather generate that type of pleasure from my own natural preferences, if you know what I mean!

Well I'm Back

I'm back to struggling again since it's the weekend. My mind is really scrambled and not in the mood, so I guess it makes sense then that I'm not the greatest in the world. Okay, I think it really comes down to making powerful decisions and sticking with it.

That being said, it really is a lot about time management and understanding what your goals are. I really need to make better use of my time, and it's really easy for me to get carried away with doing other stuff that entertains me. I don't want to make that a problem for me now. I really need to think harder and plan better.

Fear of Knowing Too Much

There's this girl I formally had a crush on but went downhill for me. Now when I look back, I am like what??? for reals. This is why I am not so gung-ho about a pretty woman's initial appearance to me now. A womanizing friend told me that being attracted to someone for anything makes you want to naturally know that person more. Another acquaintance voluntarily told me that nobody cares if an attractive woman likes you because it's just the way things are. Only reason for this is that I was like, "Who am I really when I have nothing really to offer?" I had one pretty individual I had an opportunity with but felt too high for my standard. I felt like a bum and that I would have to work very hard and it just didn't feel right for me so I let her go and she moved on to get engaged with someone else who I felt was right for her at the time. I honestly think she could have done better now. Hahaha!

Well the first girl I feel retarded about liking is Annie Suede (née Tran). She's sort of skinny with a dark complexion and I guess I liked her approaching me all friendly in the beginning. I thought she looked cute, but slowly from having a hard time speaking to her from being shy and trying to understand some weird things about her made me just blow up internally. A lot of the things she did really turned me off, but God bless her soul!

What bothers me to this day is that Annie said that studying the Bible too much basically sucks! That made me so mad! I had no counter for it. Now I do. It really pertains to having the right heart for wanting to follow and know God. The temptations that we identify with them from understanding our Bible studies will lead us to have to choose between the Lord's way or giving into a sin and then feeling rotten over it later. Basically, it's about living a challenging and humble life which isn't supposed to be mistaken for having pride over knowing too much which is what Annie feared so much.

I don't really like her because of that! I will still bug her about being my Facebook friend because she doesn't want that and is wrong from having feelings she can't let go of. I am right in doing this because I am being positive. Annie is right in that she didn't testify against me when she had the opportunity, so I think she developed secretly a liking for me which I can accept with dignity! She sort of has a tsundere persona which is basically being a violent, bad girl with some guy she likes. I had a girl act that way with me. She was like "I love you, but I am going to yell at you and put a restraining order on you." I was so mad at that girl that I harassed her with non-violent messages while making fun of her. That's a different girl I am talking about besides Annie. I am making closing statements with this now.

Fun Days Ahead

Well, I am a non-denominational Christian. I like churches that like to rely traditionally on the Bible. It seems like some churches I visited are tight like the people, the surrounding, and awesome music. However, when the main pastor talks, I am getting nothing out of it! It's hard to take off when you feel like you have a stake in something. I made a mistake being a loser among other losers at a church. I mean they have respectable positions but they still aren't the top dawgs of their field. If they were, then they are wrong in that their flaw exists in lacking knowledge for inspiring others and being able to be 100% lovely people who are covered by the love of God.

This makes it easy then for me to take off now and focus on the things of God. I am at a church that is so crazy about studying the Bible verse-by-verse and only caring about what the Bible says and not what we think or feel about some passages! I admire this style and keep coming back. Those churches who don't do it this way are wrong in that they are setting themselves up for failure by not being able to fully grasp the true nature of God. If you are just doing a "only me" or "only them" first approach then yeah, you will remember the good stuff that pertains to you, but what about the challenging aspects from doing a "God first" approach?

Revisiting Goals

I am the type who will get lazy when I find satisfaction with anything. What my addictions originate from is mainly from having a competitive nature. I practically suck at a lot of things like paying attention to a million details being thrown at me at once and then being expected to be the best at performing those tasks. I wish I could because then I would become so lazy and rich with the most healthy and sexy body in the world!

Well that's not happening! I have dumbed it down to an acronym to fit my risk taking and excitement seeking persona- BETS.

It's only one post that I talked about it. As a refresher:

B Bible
E Exercise
T Trade
S Study

That's pretty much the core of my personal routine. I have been busting out with watching poker on T.V. and playing Magic: The Gathering (MTG). I think I am a fish when it comes to playing poker. I am really bored of it now from constantly losing. I don't really have the patience to want to get better at it.

With MTG, I am actually satisfied with the work I put into it for fun in building my ultimate deck. I played online people with their own ultimate decks and beat them silly! I am ready to just pack it up and bring it back out only when the opportunity presents itself with other MTG players. I have spent so much time on it that it is time for me to try getting good at something else.

Even though I have those lazy feelings of doing nothing at times, I feel numb about doing hard tasks, and I figure that eventually I am going to get good at it with the more time I spend on it.

Importance With Communicating

Being very dedicated and hard working are awesome attributes we should all strive to achieve. Recently and from the past, I was really irritated by people who thought they were better than me, while also having their flaws. I see this in others who don't notice that I am tuning in to their conversation. I am actually very nonchalant about those comments and don't really like to talk about others behind their back. It's something I made my childhood friends angry about even though they did it themselves! Haha, how very human that is.

It still stuck with me in not talking with a grudge for someone because I love getting along with everyone. This is where I finally picked up from little bits and pieces that communicating with those freaks who aren't handling their feelings too well at the moment is vital. It's just so obvious that I assumed they would know and stop on their own. Regardless of how silly that was, facts are something you can't dispute no matter how much you try to work around. From that principle alone, it can be used to school someone and the negative feelings that come about from it is really their own doing. Picking on the obvious facts to prove a point is how I have resolved misunderstandings with people in the past.

No fear! Though I walk through the valley in the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil for the Lord is my Shepherd. I am not going to be so shy about it anymore. Undying and absolute, true love does not go all raging and hating on someone who you had an intimate relationship with. There's no need for me to get caught up with thoughts of killing someone at the moment. I think love also helps you maintain your emotions in a professional and courteous manner with others.

Benefits of Reading the Bible

I am finding out that from reading the Bible, I am seeing more greater meaning to my life. From my struggles, it's easier and faster for me to learn how I could resolve them in time. A buddy of mine has complemented how I have good composure when I am in stressful situations.

I guess I have been immature this whole time. The Word of God is practically piercing my heart in a spiritual sense and giving me an awakening. I am really thankful for a guy who has been irritating me. He's helped me understand the values of being task-oriented. I understand my purpose here with this dumb job of mine! I am very thankful for the Lord's mercy upon me.

Project Management

My next class that I am signed up for in grad school is project management. From reading the text a month ahead of time, the book is only 500 pages which isn't that bad to me and seems like an average load for obtaining a Masters degree!

I am already motivated to practice some of the concepts I have already retained. I think it's a very powerful book because it's really about techniques to succeed with accomplishing reasonable goals and objectives. Even though it's brilliantly tailored for career-minded professionals, I am thinking about how I could use it for my personal life and to rebuild my confidence in personal relationships.

The only thing I am really adding at the basis is what's right and wrong. I am understanding the lack of insincerity a few of my friends did while trying to help me resolve a situation. More and more, these courses are helping me to obtain some valuable knowledge for countering my frustrations and bringing that upon them and then assisting them in a positive manner, after getting a nice kick out of it!

Away From Home

Currently, I am out of town for a job and do not wish to have anything to do with it right now. Oh well! Anyway, I am made busy by using my iPhone to read for my next class. I have been lately reading the Bible and getting a little closer with my coworkers which is nice. I feel a little dumb in that I find that I am breaking my own concentration by just habit. It sucks because I realize now that I could save a lot of time by not doing that and have way more downtime to enjoy.

Reading has actually been really good for me in exercising my brain and trying to comprehend like a thousand things passing through my head at once. It's a discipline that I feel healthy with in engaging right now. I didn't bring my laptop this time around to lighten my load for the plane flight. I just have an iPhone 5s which is satisfactorily doing everything that I need right now. Well almost. I think the keyboard touch screen could be made more efficient but it's just a compromise.

Early New Years Resolution

I'm constantly thinking about what I could to make changes in order to improve myself. Why not start with an early New Years' style of thinking?

1. Keep on reading the Bible.

2. Go back into trading.

3. Lay off of poker.

4. Lay off of Magic the Gathering.

5. Lay off of television.

6. Play more by socializing with people in group settings. Boring or exciting, doesn't matter!

7. Lose about 20 pounds and then gain it back all in muscle! Just kidding. I want to keep the weight off and carve my stomach into a sexy six pack that I can show off to the angry people at my former church.

I'm basically just going to have to constantly exercise better judgement and discipline, which is going to be hard.

Some Proposals

These are some steps that I'm planning on making. I'm mainly going to be doing a lot of reading for academia in the area of Information Technology. Even though I don't see the benefits out of that right now, I seem to have a decent interest in it. I also like health-related things too. I guess my main reading topics of interest will be boring health research and dumb ways to get old while interacting with I.T.

I see that making money is boring, but those are the fields that I see myself with a substantial amount of interest. I would rather volunteer in them if I could, but I need some way to sustain a living. I'm doing a job that I hate right now.

I've been thinking to myself, what if I make a lot of money by learning new things and applying them in the field of I.T. Making money then would be just a boring routine for me. I guess I can make my life a little more exciting by donating it to the needy kids who shouldn't be with unclean water and get sick and then die.

Making Adjustments

I am already friends with a woman who is actually my all-around ideal type. We socialize every once in awhile and she's sweet and nice. She responds pretty nice to me also. I guess it's a good thing then that I love peaceful and nice women. A friend says that she dresses nice, but I don't seem to observe that portion about her.

One thing about her is that she's been engaged for some time. I came on the scene a little too late **sniff sniff, but it's no problem, I'll get over it like I always do. It comes and go, boo hoo. I'm just kidding while laughing to myself. I really enjoy talking with her and she's what my friend says is a church girl. My buddy says she's just way too nice.

Anyway about that, I want to continue to work on myself by allowing the Lord to transform me in areas where I do not want to yield to Him yet. It's taking a little humility to write the last sentence for me because my pride wanted to kick in there. What I'm planning is to on a consistent basis keep a pure heart and steady mind. I think I just need to read the Bible more and recall more passages that I've been looking at. By doing so, even though I don't feel like it, it's what I like to call faith from remembering. I also need to make prayers about this personal area of mine too.

She Does Exist

I went on a dating site and narrowed down my choice to 700 women, while treating the site like a marketplace. I then saw about 10 potential women and all of them was like revealing in their profile, "No, you are too short! Stay away." Literally, no they didn't put that, but what I saw spoke to me like that. There was only one woman I saw on there and was the winner for me! It was "Ding! Ding! Ding!" all the way. I was like wow, "She does exist!"

Just one thing, she could already be taken and I don't want to sign up and pay for the site. I just did a free, lazy search. Only one woman who might not even answer back doesn't seem like a $1000 deal for me. I guess I'm going to have to go looking in the real world then and play the numbers game. I know she exists and for that, I'm made confident in the Lord for that aspect of my life.

Peaks and Valleys

There are highs and lows that become associated with our lives. I'm noticing that even with the most intimate moments that we love to hold on to. If the Lord is saying that one thing is sinful, then I'm going to be mindful of it and turn myself away from that direction. It's like a life-long struggle for me to stay pure. It's like once I've fallen and then confessed of the sin and repented, I'm back to being made right with God again. The temptations hit like a reset button and the emotional struggles while forgetting about them in the past return again.

It's really difficult to stay pure for the Lord because it's not in our nature to behave that way. I need something more powerful than relying on myself. I need assistance from the Holy Spirit. Only because I've realized through my feelings that everything is like a bipolar effect, even though I don't have the symptoms of bipolar. I don't really care how people feel about that. Yeah, whether I was improperly diagnosed or not I was a really stressed out adolescent in my puberty from being depressed and not feeling like I was getting a break. I had major swings and I don't know if that has anything to do with hormones.

Now, I always want to be at a constant high of happiness. I wouldn't mind if it lasted that way for my whole life. Call me bi-polar? Call me bi-positive or bi-happy! Charlie Sheen said in an interview that he is bi-winning!

Getting Called By A Girl

A woman who is a little older than me called me and left a message. She's my friend, and frankly, I don't really want to pick up right now at the moment. I'm just not really in the mood for talking about something with her. It just makes me laugh underneath that she wants to still discuss about something because she probably sees some opportunities with it. I guess that's a normal thing for her then.

Imagining she was my wife, oh my gosh, that's just how I feel. I hope my very attractive and beautiful wife in the future doesn't end up with that type of image to me. I have to mention that I'm only 5'3". I have an older cousin who is nearing 40. He's only 4'8". Yeah, I'm from a short family just that my dad is taller than me by half a ruler. My dad doesn't seem to discriminate based on a person's height or think much about it.

My buddies who are about 5'10 think the same way. I've had white men make fun of me, but say that it's cool that I am what I am in appearance. I'm just starting to laugh when they make fun of me because I frankly don't mind at all that they notice what I struggle with in my personal pride.

You Have To Anyway

The basic necessities are boring to me. Eating the proper nutrients and drinking plenty of refreshing water just feels so good when I'm thirsty. Oh man, those things are nice! It's just hard to remember because my mind is addicted to playing Magic: the Gathering. Right now, I'm not playing it and don't feel the urge that much. I feel like playing poker instead more!

I'm actually writing these contradictions on purpose because it's funny to me. I've argued in contradictions before to my sister and flustered her so much. It's been silly, and she ends up doing what I ask her to do which has been a compromise for me as well. I pretty much told her to be quiet the whole time and she's done that while I say stuff that I don't recall. I just remember saying some things with her friends around, and how they ended up laughing so much. My sister became so mad that she would start talking with a grouchy tone and while I was around. Maybe I should have confronted her about that and do the whole making her not speak act.

More Stuff To Ponder About

Basically when I come home like at 1:40 am each night after work, I usually like to crash on the couch and try to stay up to watch late night poker action. The hostess looks rather nice with her outfit, but yeah, it could mean other bad things too if you aren't careful. Comparing myself, I occasionally feel an emotional hurricane when I find someone taller than me. It happens to me everyday, so I don't know how girls who are shorter than me don't feel that sense of pride that's been stolen from them.

I've been finding out though that there are a lot of gracious people out there who are taller than me. I'm noticing though that women who are smaller than me can actually respond better. The kind of women who have matured or been forced to from some life changing event like having a baby and are more open-minded also seem to respond pretty nice to me, too!

Identifying Time Consuming Activities

I have hobbies and interests that take up a lot of my time and can pretty much interfere with my proper goals, which I find to be boring. I think becoming a millionaire with a six pack is boring sometimes because I don't think it's an impossible dream for me. It isn't impossible but might be very time consuming. Other than that, it's a promise I made to those angry people I want to see again. I guess I'm not taking my promise that seriously then because I must not really be in a hurry to go show off to them. It's like I'm making fun of them in my head without expressing it in real life because I'm trying to keep my manners.

It's a good thing I made that promise though because it motivates me when I'm feeling the anger and drive in a routine manner to go stick it to them. I really do like being a man of my word. However, with some promises I made with people, it really comes down to an agreement and when trust has been broken, then you are no longer really, morally obligated to stick to the promise. This is a matter of being right or wrong in an ethical manner. It doesn't make sense to continue doing something that would blow up the whole world with you if that wasn't your plan to begin with. Your boss could have been going that route, and you figured that out later after making some promises to him while thinking he is a good guy.

Okay, that makes me feel a lot better. I feel that being wrong is something you can't defend against after you identify it. It's like taking in the gut punch when someone tells you and see it with your eyes wide open. I'm actually a very funny guy when I'm mad at times, and I didn't see it for myself. I thought I was being so serious!

Revisiting Old Promise

I made a promise to some angry folks who are in denial. I told them that whether they are there or not in the future, I was going to revisit the place after I obtained a six pack and became a millionaire. I've been telling my friend that I'm going to be harassing someone there while wearing a Darth Vader suit. I'm going to do a front-ward flip and then shine my light-saber at him while mouthing him off. 

He says that for the ultimate effect to occur, people are not going to take me that seriously. I think it would be really cool to pull that off and catch it on tape or something. I'll have to think about it. Honestly, I don't care if they are still mad at me for making them look bad or not. I want to see them again and don't really care if they go for a restraining order again on me. They said multiple restraining orders in the past, but thank heavens it didn't go through. Coming back to my senses now, I see that I'm about making fun of them and doing that to my own enjoyment while keeping it to myself if that's what they want me to do. I can do stuff for my amusement while realizing where they went wrong now. From them being angry, they couldn't control their emotions too well. They did that to themselves, not me. 

I'm right because I'm about being positive about the whole situation and still being a friend even though they are still retarded to me. It's like I'm back to taking an active approach while being under control while knowing that I'm upset about the whole thing.  

Still Playing Magic the Gathering

I'm still playing this game online with people. Right after I thought I had made the correct touches and was ready to give a routine spin, I ended up playing some more games with people again. I'm really letting my mind wander off when I shouldn't.

There are mainly three things that I want to commit myself to in order at the moment. It's having a stronger relationship with God, making lots of money so I don't have to worry about it later on, and physical health.

I really need to prioritize my time better and exercise better discipline. I'm falling into the same habit again when I come home. I really need to just push myself because face it, wherever I go in life, I can't always be so selfish anyway.

Wrapping Up Magic the Gathering

It looks like I have my ultimate deck in Magic the Gathering. I end up beating the snot out of it using another deck that I created, so I understand the strengths and weaknesses of it. However, it's so strong that when played properly with an appropriate starting hand, a win will be inevitable no matter what the other deck is composed of.

This game truly is a combination of luck and skill, just like poker. It's just that poker can be more costly or rewarding depending on your skill level. I have formed two decks and acquired two that I favor. I think my testing period of playing MTG is going to go back on hold and about enjoying some live game play with my buddies.

It's pretty interesting that in this popular card game, there really is no deck that will always remain undefeated. I guess that's just how the design of the game was intended. What I've noticed about this game is that there are two most influential schools of thought in the competitive world of this game. It's aggro versus control. Aggro is basically going in for a quick and decisive victory. Control is about being able to have the other opponent tormented by your finger tips and come to a demise.

My decks are usually what's called mid-range, which is somewhere in between fast and slow so it might take a little while to get it going.

Reading Really Helps

I went to go see the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibition over at the California Science Center, and it was a blessing to check out the earliest text that has been uncovered by mankind related to God's Word. The way it significantly fits in for me is that the text has some prophetic messages in it and they came to pass. Like the Bible mentions time frames and that certain events would happen which are specific and they all came to pass, except for the second coming of Christ. The text was made way back then before the event came to pass and the days and numbers truly added up, which is crazy!

I really would like to study it more and check out these prophecies when I have the time for it. I will probably have to research it myself to double check. It sounds very interesting that God could have left something like His mark for us to reveal that He is truly the living God.

New Thoughts

The way to being successful is really about knowing yourself and being committed to something. Sure, there's going to be some rough patches along the way unless you are extremely special. I wouldn't really count on it, so I say just continuously outweigh the benefits and costs to something and look for something that really fits your boat.

It's really important to my thinking that one doesn't go after something really illegal like becoming a hit man or being paid to steal stuff for someone! I read about this one kid who turned killing into a career and when he was caught, he had no remorse for it and somehow ended up being sentenced to life in prison. Being old and forced not to do something you don't like is not a very fun way to go in life.

Therefore, pick something that's legal or at least even if it's a little shady like you are feeling bad about taking people's money, make sure you can get away with it and it doesn't really hurt anyone while being agreed upon. No lying or cheating, but using skill. Obviously, bluffing can sometimes be a skill, but don't do it to gamble upon someone's physical life!