Well, all of this edging to porn and trying to keep myself from blowing the load has finally found a satisfying conclusion. I'm ready to repent of this activity and ask for forgiveness to Jesus with my lack of personal control. I'm lucky enough to have enough control to not even try to go after a sexual relationship with anyone. I've been under temptations while around lady friends and them just being very physically attractive to me at that moment of time and I just don't try to solicit for it. It's not that I'm scared, I just don't have the preference for doing something like that. I want to be a gentleman to my cool and beautiful lady friends!
I was looking at myself and comparing to the porn stars' junk even looking through a device and making sure I don't record or save anything. I have something similar and it's holding up comparably with how they are so I know I'll be fine! Sex still has that mystery to me and I would love to engage in it consistently someday with a loving spouse, but until then I'm going to put a little extra effort to just let these sexual feelings and hormones just ride through the ups and downs of my personal life.
Life just isn't all about having sex. Spending a lot of time with someone beautiful and even marrying her in the end isn't just about sex. Having that special feeling with this cool girl I've been hanging out with occasionally, is such a nice feeling and it's inspiring in a way for me to want the best for her and spending time with her has been a lot of fun even though the stuff we did together was probably not the most exciting but regular things.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
